The Adventures of Trixie if Her Father Was a Badass Alien

by totallynotabrony

Chapter 4

It did not take Trixie very long to locate a flyer with Starburst’s face on it. She pulled it down from the fence where it was stapled and took it to the local police station.

The cop sitting at the front desk gave Trixie a curious look when she came in. Trixie supposed that her appearance was rather unusual, but was glad the officer didn’t recognize her—in a good or bad way.

“I’d like to know more about this pony,” said Trixie, putting the flyer down on the cop’s desk.

“Where do you want me to begin?” he asked.

“It would help if I knew what she’s done,” answered Trixie. “Is she just a runaway from home, or some kind of criminal?”

The cop picked up the paper and studied it. “Oh, I guess this doesn’t really say. I don’t know anything about the case, so let me go get Detective Gene.”

Trixie sat down in one of the waiting room chairs. Several minutes passed, and a unicorn in a suit jacket came out. Based on his chromosome cutie mark, Trixie knew who she was talking to.

“I understand you’re looking for Starburst,” said Gene. He looked Trixie up and down, as if studying her was more interesting than talking to her. She hid her annoyance behind her sunglasses.

“I just want to know the circumstances under which she’s being sought,” Trixie told him. “I met her a few days ago, and I wanted to know if she had done something unlawful or was just a lost foal far from home.”

“Well, I’d like to tell you, but I myself don’t know.” Gene looked contemplative. “Her case is a bit of a funny thing. The report’s been passed around to so many police departments that nopony is really sure where it originated. Based on how the flyer doesn’t say why she’s wanted, maybe she’s just a runaway. Or maybe the document’s been copied so many times that the fine print is gone.” Gene shrugged.

“So what should I do if I meet her again?” asked Trixie.

“I advise you talk to the nearest police officer.” Gene smiled. “We’ll figure things out. As a government institution, if we’ve done anything related to Starburst before, there will be a paperwork trail. It might take a while to find it, but I’m sure it exists.”

This must be why Valiant was always going on about computerized records and the mysterious “inter-net.” Trixie said goodbye and left the building.

Turning to go down the street on her skateboard, Trixie glanced back through the window to see Detective Gene standing over the chair she had used, a curious expression on his face.

Trixie kept rolling. Mustangeles was a large, diverse city, and there were plenty of things to see. She wished she had a camera, but then remembered that there was nopony to show the pictures to.

Traveling alone was not really a choice, but a given. Not only didn’t Trixie have any friends from before her little meltdown—her figurative and literal meltdown—but since recuperating and changing her life, she was still too radioactive for anypony to be around for an extended period. Speaking of that, Trixie paused to take her medication.

There were not many pills left. Trixie realized she would either have to find an alchemist soon or go back to the Everfree Forest to see Zecora.

Returning to the Ponyville area was not really what Trixie wanted to do. The residents were more tolerant after seeing her around for a while, but none of them were really friendly. Maybe the Elements of Harmony would be glad for her visit, but they all had jobs and careers and could not take much time to spend with her.

Trixie frowned, thinking about the Elements. What had happened to Twilight Sparkle? After the strange events that transpired before Valiant left for the moon, Twilight had briefly been alicornized before using Valiant’s handgun to shoot somepony in the face. Trixie hadn’t seen Twilight after that and the library stood empty.

Well, it was a mystery that could wait until later. Trixie headed to a post office to find a directory, searching for an alchemist. She located a couple of probable businesses and set off to find them. The first turned out to be a native Saddle Arabian pony named al-Chemist. The next business had recently closed. The third was decorated so brightly that Trixie thought it might be a lightbulb store rather than a place for serious potions and medicines.

She walked in hesitantly. A brightly-decorated zebra was behind the counter. That was a good sign, at least. Trixie pulled out the written recipe Zecora used.

The zebra studied it and nodded. “Ya mon, we get you fixed up real nice. Sit down and take a load off.”

The accent was strange, but at least Trixie didn’t have to muddle through the rhymes like if she was dealing with Zecora.

Approximately half an hour later, the zebra came out of the back room with a steaming tray of chocolate brownies. Trixie took off her sunglasses so her surprise and dissatisfaction would be apparent. “This is not what I asked for.”

The zebra re-read the list. “Oops. Well, I promise ya dat all dem ingredients are right, at least.”

Trixie did not have perfect faith that it was true, but consented to at least try a brownie. To her astonishment, they were very tasty. “These are great! What’s your secret?”

“All kinda customers come in here lookin’ for somethin’ ta make bad medicine taste good.” The zebra waved a hoof. “I got pretty good at dat.”

Trixie had a sudden thought. “Is there anything else in here besides my medicine?”

“What ya be talkin’ about?” asked the zebra innocently. Perhaps too innocently, Trixie thought. Still, she needed her medication, and she hadn’t felt any ill effects yet. After getting the rest of the brownies bagged up, Trixie paid and left the store.

Outside, the sun was beginning to go down. Trixie decided that since she was splurging a little on the special brownies, a hotel room wasn’t out of the question. After booking one night’s stay, she sat down to clean her M60. Several days’ worth of being on the road might have marginally affected it somehow.

There was a knock at the door. With the gun disassembled, Trixie readied the switchblade she had borrowed from Valiant. Her jaw was not as large as his, and she was unable to carry it concealed in her mouth. Too bad. She could have easily irradiated any saliva-borne germs.

Trixie’s standard method of opening doors was to position her chosen weapon behind the door as she stood to the side. This set up for a surprise attack if one was needed. This time, it was Detective Gene who had come calling. “Trixie? May I have a word?”

“What is it, Detective?”

“When you were at the station earlier today, you left a tail hair behind. I hope you don’t mind, but I analyzed the DNA. I kind of like to do that sometimes; it is my special talent. I’ve always been worried about the ‘if you don’t use it, you lose it’ theory, and my regular cop work doesn’t really do it for me in the genetics field. I’m not with CSI, you see, and-”

Trixie coughed. “I’m sorry, what was this about?”

“Oh, um…” Gene shifted nervously. “After looking at your, ah, unusual genetics, I’m kind of interested to know how you aren’t dead.”

“It’s a long story, but it’s getting late tonight. Maybe I’ll tell you next time I’m in Mustangeles.”

“Er, okay. Thanks.” Gene nodded and walked away. Trixie closed the door. Great. Now the local police knew about her abnormality and had DNA evidence on file. Something about that struck her as an abuse of the law, and maybe she would hire a lawyer. That would really make things complicated. Trixie wished Valiant was there for governmental regulation advice.

Going to her window, Trixie looked down at the street below. The nighttime lighting made everything reasonably visible. To her surprise, Trixie saw Starburst walking down the street.

The grey, horribly-attired mare stopped to haggle with a merchant that was open late. Fruit, it looked like. As Trixie watched, Starburst hit the vendor and ran away with an apple.

Well, if she wasn’t a delinquent before, she was now. The law would want to punish Starburst, but if the past was any indication, they would have tough luck catching her. That could be where Trixie came in. She smiled slightly. The Great and Powerful Trixie - Bounty Hunter.

Comments

[Squidy]

I laughed way too hard at that al-Chemist pun.

[themultiversewatcher]

I love the idea of a Jamarecan zebra. lol

[Super_Big_Mac]

I like it.

[Lithl]

> I’m kind of interested to know how you aren’t dead.
Oh, if only you knew.

[The Grey Pegasus]

Hey hey, she is going to be a bounty hunter! Maybe!

[FillyDashie]

the Jamaican accent reminded me of the equestria la panel in 2012

[Telly Vision]

Mustangles is the best city ever!

[Rechte]

Nopony can outrun a pony on a skateboard

[Lesolan - Rest In Peace]

I'm getting certain sudden feelings reminiscent of Stephanie Plum from the One for the Money series.

Bounty hunting. How hard could it be?

[totallynotabrony]

2279106 To be fair, I think radioactive Trixie is a little more qualified.

[GetJinxed]

I'm waiting for Trixie to run out of meds and go all mutant. That would be hilarious

[scranity]

Zebras with Jamaican accents making pot brownies for Unicorns.
Yep, this is the internet all right.

[AppleTank]

2278256
Now I kinda want to get someone to teach a horse to use a skateboard. Reinforced board, of course.

[Chrome Masquerade]

“I’d like to know more about this pony,” said Trixie, putting the flyer down on the cop’s desk.
“Where do you want me to begin?” he asked.

[Chrome Masquerade]

I don’t know anything about the case, so let me go get Detective Gene.”
Trixie sat down in one of the waiting room chairs. Several minutes passed, and a unicorn in a suit jacket came out. Based on his chromosome cutie mark, Trixie knew who she was talking to.

i wonder what HIS talent is......

“Trixie? May I have a word?”
“What is it, Detective?”
“When you were at the station earlier today, you left a tail hair behind. I hope you don’t mind, but I analyzed the DNA. I kind of like to do that sometimes; it is my special talent.

Oh. well, i'm disappointed. Withdrawn.

[Mordred]

The zebra studied it and nodded. “Ya mon, we get you fixed up real nice. Sit down and take a load off.”

JAMAICAN ZEBRA!!!