The Adventures of Trixie if Her Father Was a Badass Alien

by totallynotabrony

Chapter 20

The plan had taken two days to set up, two long days of Twilight and Trixie preparing things and sleeping at night in a secret place in the school with only peanut butter crackers that Trixie had found for sustenance, but everything was finally ready. The Fall Formal was that night, and the plan to get Twilight elected Princess was beginning.

The lights in the auditorium were dim. The schedule for the whole school had been changed to include a special performance.

There were only two people in the whole building who were aware of exactly why. The rest were either under a complex web of crossed stories and deceit that would take days to unravel, had no need to know, or simply didn’t care.

Twilight and Trixie stood backstage surreptitiously peering through a gap in the curtains. The two of them were kitted out in whatever the drama department had for costumes. The point was to make an impact, and they were certainly going to do just that.

Twilight pulled back from the curtain and glanced at Trixie. She kept her voice below the murmur of the crowd. “Looks like you really know how to organize these things.”

Trixie waved a hand. “Please. Tripping up administrations in order to put the largest crowd in the right place at the most advantageous time is easier than you think. The real challenge is what we’re about to do next.”

Twilight nodded, her mouth quirking in nervousness. “I think the hardest part is up to me.”

“You’re the one that needs to be in front of the people.” Trixie nodded. “Just remember, actions speak louder than words.”

They moved to their positions. Trixie had tracked down this universe’s version of Snips and Snails and gotten them to function as stage hands. Twilight had reminded her to only give them simple, foolproof tasks.

As the proper time arrived, the two boys hoisted the curtain, revealing the stage setup. A large glittering sign overhead bore the message Twilight Sparkle for Princess. Twilight herself was decked out in an edgier version of the school’s normal wear. Based on Valiant’s comments on human culture, Trixie had recommended that Twilight shorten the skirt and lower the neckline. Also, make it out of leather. The fact that Twilight agreed said something about either her commitment to being voted Princess of the Fall Formal, or her lack of memory of where leather came from.

The guitar in Twilight’s grasp was a bright red Flying V. She didn’t know how to really play it, but apparently had read a book on chords at one point in her life and remembered a few. Rock careers had been built on less.

Trixie sat among a drum kit behind Twilight. They hadn’t had much time to rehearse together, but hopefully this wouldn’t require so much coordination. Trixie hit the beat and Twilight ripped her first chord.

There was a limit to a song’s complexity if there were only two instruments involved. The main focus was on the lyrics, however. The microphone in front of Twilight magnified her already ear-piercing shriek.

I’m Twilight Sparkle, and I’m here to say

I’m the new kid, and we’re doing things my way

Intelligent, well-read, and witty

And the baddest bitch in the whole damn city

Teachers say I’m just not normal

Vote for me at the Fall Formal

And then Twilight leaped into the air, using her weight on the downswing to better smash the guitar across the stage. That was the cue for Snips and Snails to set off the fireworks. They popped and sparkled on the stage as Trixie finished off with a drum finale.

The little performance had broken so many – so many – school rules, and the students loved it. Twilight and Trixie were dragged away to Principal Celestia’s office to explain themselves. They had planned on that and had prepared a defense.

“We were never informed that Canterlot High does not allow new arrivals to formally introduce themselves to the student body,” Twilight said in her best lawyer voice. “In many cultures, bravado and show are part of social interaction.”

Celestia’s expression showed that she clearly saw through their ruse, but was not in a position to do much about it. As new students, Twilight and Trixie had no history of infractions and a case could not be made for more severe punishment than the minimum. They knew that; Twilight had carefully pored over the school regulations.

“Ordinarily I would only be able to issue a punishment of a few days’ in-school suspension in my office.” Celestia glanced pointedly at the crown sitting on the shelf behind her desk. “However, I think that this is a situation that study hall is better suited to handle.”

She sent Twilight and Trixie to study hall. Their plan had been put into motion. Now they just needed to see it through. The stunt had been carefully timed for maximum impact before the Fall Formal that evening. Too early in the day and maybe the rumor mill would turn against them. Too late, and the student body might be still in shock and unable to vote like they should.

“Something just occurred to me,” said Trixie as the two of them sat bored in study hall. “Where are we supposed to get dresses for an event like the Fall Formal?”

Twilight frowned in thought. “I guess we need to find this universe’s version of Rarity.”

The two of them glanced around. Conveniently, a girl with pale skin and wavy indigo hair had looked up when the name Rarity was spoken.

“Yeah, you,” said Trixie, waving her over.

Rarity approached and sat down. “I saw your performance earlier. I don’t know where you got that costume, Ms. Twilight Sparkle, but other than making an impact it certainly wasn’t very elegant. I don’t think you could have even spelled ‘subtle’ using any of the letters in the manufacturer’s tag. Why—”

Trixie cut her off. “Then please help us to dress nicely at the Fall Formal.”

“Well, I suppose I can do that. Meet me after lunch.” Rarity walked away.

Trixie glanced around, spotting facsimiles of Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie all sitting around the room. None of them were close to each other, and all were looking disfavorably on Twilight and Trixie for associating with Rarity. Then they all appeared to realize that they shared a common feeling and looked away in disgust. Trixie filed that away for later. For some reason, the Elements of Harmony here at this school weren’t – the Elements, that is.

The rest of study hall passed slowly. Trixie and Twilight discussed a little about what had happened since Valiant had left the planet. Trixie told of her travels and Twilight talked about her tedious laboratory trials. It was nice to catch up.

At lunch, the two of them ate quietly. They were both slightly concerned about the human diet, but the taste and texture of the cafeteria food made it irrelevant whether it was meat or not. After eating, they recieved a pair of beautiful dresses from Rarity, true to her word.

They were just figuring out the combination to their lockers in order to store the garments until the event when the other four girls who looked like their friends came walking up. Each was keeping her distance from the others, but it was clear that they’d put whatever differences they had aside in order to confront Twilight and Trixie.

Applejack was the first to speak. “So what do you two think you’re doin’ here?”

“Changing the status quo?” Rainbow Dash interjected accusatorily. Everyone, including Twilight and Trixie, gave her a look.

“What?” said Rainbow. “I read. Sometimes.”

“While they may be new, that’s no reason they can’t be successful and get Twilight voted as Princess of the Fall Formal,” said Rarity. “Thanks to me, they certainly look good enough.”

“But it’s clear you did a rush job,” Fluttershy said quietly. “The stitching was off.”

Rarity gasped in offense. Applejack and Rainbow grinned at her consternation, but quickly quit it when they realized they shared a common amusement. Rarity turned her anger on them. Fluttershy quickly ducked out of the way, not willing to stick up for her supposed friends.

Seeing a way to possibly derail, if not defuse, the situation, Twilight quickly asked, “And what do you have to say, Pinkie?”

“I’m still trying to figure out why you guys are from a different dimension,” Pinkie replied with a shrug. That brought the conversation to a screeching halt.

“What now?” asked Applejack in her skeptical tone. The others expressed similar levels of disbelief.

“Another reason I’m working on immortality,” Twilight muttered to Trixie. “Maybe then I can have enough time to finally learn how Pinkie does that.”

Twilight cleared her throat and started explaining. It took a few minutes to get the whole story out and also to make it believable. Experienced with both illusions and unraveling them, Trixie had to help get the point across. They managed to convince the group of what Sunset Shimmer was up to.

“Well, that’s, ah, quite a tale,” said Applejack, taking a step backwards and raising her hands. “Good luck gettin’ it sorted out.”

“It does sound like something you would be best qualified to handle,” said Rarity, also trying to disengage from the conversation.

Rainbow crossed her arms. “Well, I’d like to help, but I can’t stand any of these numbskulls.”

Everyone glared at her. Rainbow glanced around. “What? You all said worse things in those texts.”

“I keep telling you, I never said anything bad about you or anyone!” Fluttershy pouted.

“Same here,” Applejack deadpanned.

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t stoop to such a level,” put in Rarity.

“And do you really think that I would be so silly as to send nasty incriminating electronic evidence from my own phone?” added Pinkie.

“I have no idea what you’re all talking about, but can you at least come together to help us oust Sunset as incumbent Princess of the Fall Formal?” Trixie asked.

The five reluctantly agreed. Twilight gave them a plan for the event. They should each convince the friends in their own cliques to vote for Twilight. Also, if possible, find some way to make Sunset look bad.

Plans set, the others departed. Twilight and Trixie lingered a moment longer. “So do you think this will work?” Trixie asked.

A male student stopped by, opening a nearby locker. He looked up and smiled. Twilight ignored him, answering Trixie’s question. “If everything goes according to plan.”

Trixie nodded. “Let’s hope.”

The boy turned, coming a few steps closer. “Hi, I’m Flash Sentry. I saw your performance earlier.”

“That’s nice,” said Twilight diplomatically.

“I’m still not sure who I’m going to vote for at the Fall Formal.” Flash frowned. “I’m not sure I like my girls so strong and confident as you.”

“How well do you respond to threats?” asked Trixie, reaching a hand into her locker.

Flash considered it. “Well, pretty good I guess. My mom says I’m easy to control.”

Trixie yanked her M60 out of the locker and slammed the stock into Flash’s groin so hard that he fell back and slid a few feet across the floor.

“Vote for Twilight Sparkle or there’s more where that came from.” Flash did not reply except to breathe in small gasps and weep. Trixie headed back to study hall with Twilight.

The rest of the day passed quickly and it was soon time for the Fall Formal. Trixie and Twilight got dressed up and headed for the gym. Just in case of trouble, Trixie packed along her machine gun.

Things were still in the setting up stage, although most of the crowd had arrived. Trixie was just about to ask Twilight when the voting would begin when Principal Celestia carried in the golden tiara that would be the prize.

She gave Twilight and Trixie a look and then placed the crown in a glass case to be safe. A few members of the crowd gathered around, oohing and ahing.

Sunset Shimmer appeared. She glared at Twilight from across the room before shifting to Trixie. Almost unconsciously, she touched her face where a large bandage had been placed.

There was the crash of breaking glass. Snips and Snails fled from the crown display with the Element of Magic clutched between them. They headed for the door.

Trixie’s eyes went wide and she started forward. Before she reached them, the two boys ran out of the school. Just then, five girls appeared as planned, intercepting the two thieves.

Applejack and Rainbow did most of the holding and face-into-dirt smashing. Pinkie giggled at the victory and seized the crown. Fluttershy checked to make sure the captives were not permanently injured. Rarity saw that it was all done as properly as a high school dance fight could be.

Trixie walked up, kneeling down to face Snips and Snails. “I thought you agreed to help us.”

“Well uh, sorta,” muttered Snails.

“Sunset said that she was more Great and Powerful than you!” squealed Snips.

Trixie’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Is that so?”

She stood up and turned to face Sunset as she came out of the school. Twilight accepted the crown from Pinkie. A crowd began to form behind Sunset, eager to see a fight.

Sunset glanced behind her, seeing the group and getting an idea to turn them to her favor. She stalked forward, pointing a finger at Twilight. “Look at that. Probably trying to steal the crown!”

“It’s mine,” Twilight growled. She stepped forward angrily. She may have been a little more aggressive and ruthless lately, but she was still fairly naieve in the ways of the world. In her own rage, Trixie was slow in reaching out a hand to stop Sunset from coming any closer, and was too late. Sunset grabbed the crown from Twilight’s hands and jammed it on her own head.

There was a sparkle of light as Sunset was transformed into some sort of dragon/demon/ugly flying thing. She shrieked in fiendish pleasure and soared into the air. Bolts of magic struck at the assembled crowd of students, turning them into mindless minions. Trixie saw Flash among them. Huh, he actually is easy to control.

“Ha!” Sunset roared with evil laughter. “I don’t want to rule this pathetic little high school; I want Equestria! And with my own little teenage army behind me, I am going to get it!”

Trixie rolled her eyes and unwrapped her machine gun. “I guess a high volume of lead on target has to save the day again.”

Sunset had no idea what an M60 was, but prudently decided that it was a threat. With an aura of magic, she yanked it out of Trixie’s grasp.

Trixie stumbled forward, aghast as losing hold of her only tool for both defense and offense. Sunset cackled and tossed the machine gun from hand to hand. “And what’s this? Some sort of last ditch magic artifact?”

“Uh, yeah,” Trixie said. “And whatever you do, don’t point it at me!”

“Oh, why is that?” Sunset held up the M60, placing her finger on the trigger and training it in Trixie’s direction.

A rock conked Sunset on the hand. The jolt didn’t injure her, but she reflexively pulled the trigger. The weapon started firing and Sunset didn’t have the presence of mind to let go of it. Trixie dodged out of the way as tracer bullets lit up the night sky and the recoil drove the barrel of the machine gun upwards. The foregrip smacked Sunset between the eyes and knocked her out cold.

Trixie picked herself up and nodded thanks to Twilight who had thrown the rock. Walking over to where the restored human form of Sunset lay, Trixie retrieved her M60 and gave the unconscious body of Sunset a haughty glare. “Trigger discipline, bitch.”

“Well, that’s that,” Twilight murmured as she picked up her crown again. “Let’s go home.”

“Why don’t we take her back?” suggested Trixie. “At the very least, we can stop her from ruining this world any more.”

“I suppose,” Twilight nodded. They each grabbed a handful of Sunset’s hair and began to drag her back towards the portal.

Author's Note:

Here is a picture of machine gun human Trixie

Comments

[Slip Kid]

Bitch got what she deserved.

[DiStort]

And there's our peanut butter crackers. The balance of the universe has been maintained.

[LunarSeraph]

There weren't enough explosions.

[The Accursed One]

...I wonder if Trixie's ever gonna use her M60 to shoot down any vehicles?

[Kage no Brony]

On the way out, principal celestia looked suitably sheepish. Trixie couldn't help but add in one last line.

Dimension Marines. Saving the multiverse one realm at a time.

[AppleTank]

Now, normally I'm not one for random Flash abuse, but here.... He deserved it.

[Corren]

Hah! The M60 saves the day again! Superior firepower can help in numerous combat situations, especially when the magic the girls rely on is no longer available.