Life in the city can be hard, especially in one filled with ponies that only care about themselves. For Aurora, a life of silence and minding her own business is how she thinks she would spend most of her life. When she meets with her friend's friends, she begins to think about how wrong she was, and how careful she should be when it comes to meeting others, because, as always, ponies aren't exactly what they seem to be.
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Title: Beneath The Surface
Grammar: 10/10
Pros: You didn't just jump into Aurora and Wildcard's relationship, instead highlighted the key or important parts, and implied more of a relationship happening on the side -- a very good thing. You also caught me by surprise! I really wasn't expecting Ace and Wildcard to be... actually, I probably shouldn't say for spoilery reasons. You've also got a good style here; it was descriptive but not too wordy. Over all, this story was great.
Cons: The description. I understand you want the ending to be a surprise, but the description leaves it a bit bland, and a bit easy to ignore. Try to spice it up a bit without spoiling anything. Also, this might just be nitpicking, but I just don't feel that Aurora would leave Aviator like that. I understand that it was needed to move the plot along, and it done so wonderfully, adding suspense, but... Oh, I don't know, this might just be me(See how useless I am?!). I just felt it was against her character.
Notes: In the long run, this story is really good, but I'm afraid that description was misleading. It might have actually drove some people away; just be creative and spice things up from now on. This deserves much more attention than it got.
If you were happy with this review(and only if you really were truly happy), I would appreciate it if you could review my story: The City of Gold.
1921772
I'm going to work on that description now
I'll get around to reviewing your story, either today or tomorrow (most likely today).
1921880
I hope my review helped!
Whenever you can, my friend. Whenever you can. I shall wait patiently, so there's no hurry.
Story: Beneath The Surface
Grammar: 8
Pros
1. Very interesting premise.
2. Suspense and character were built excellently.
3. The story was dark and deserved the tag for reasons other than just featuring blood and death.
Cons
1. The names of the mares were easy to confuse.
2. The final scenes moved too quickly.
3. The stallions were lacking in personality.
Notes
The premise behind your story was interesting. Many fics have been done about changelings, but they are almost always about Chrysalis going after prey. Now we get to see what it's like being on the receiving end of her drones. The characters and suspense were both very well done. I certainly feel as if you did just the right amount of buildup and foreshadowing. I really got the feeling of suspicion and unease as the story progressed. Well done on making a story that is genuinely dark for reasons other than just shock value. The ending was not wholly unexpected, but fits well. Now, I did have issues remember who the characters were. Either I'm sleep deprived, or having two characters with fairly similar names is not a hot idea. Secondly, the last scenes moved too quickly. I felt as if the last scenes in the apartment and the bedroom ought to have lasted longer. That way you could have gotten more emotional torque out of them. Finally, the stallions were lacking in personality. It makes sense for drones to have this problem, but I couldn't make myself care for them since they both just seemed like such bland plot device characters. Go promote this fic.
You win 4/5 flutteryays.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story, Shell Shock: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/90939/shell-shock
2296140
Thank you!
I"m not the best when it comes to names, so I wouldn't say you're deprived of sleep. Character development is another thing I try to work on, and I find it hard when it is something as short as this. I'll get around to reviewing your story soon