• Published 14th Nov 2012
  • 2,709 Views, 44 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Losing Grip on Humanity - ForlanceAbice



Vinyl could not be happier with her new, exotic mare- or rather girlfriend. Even if Octavia was a human that wasn't receptive of wubs. Nothing could possibly screw this future up. If only she was able to see what was to come in the near future.

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Vinyl's Anguish

Vinyl's Anguish
November 8th 2012
9:41 AM
Conversion Bureau based story
Octavia's Overture
Forest Rain Remix War

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“I should have been there. I should have been by Octavia's side.” Vinyl's bloodshot eyes looked down upon the magenta bowtie that was the personal trademark accessory of a certain cellist.

Thunder boomed outside, the rain splattering with mud to create an ungodly mess that reduced the viable terrain to near that of zero. The smell of mud and mildew was thick in the air. Mosquitoes buzzed around, making an already dreary life even more miserable as they nipped at any piece of exposed flesh that they could stick their spear like probosces into.

And oh Faust, the humidity! Vinyl scowled as she tried to wipe off the sticky feeling that covered just about all of her fur. She sighed as she took a moment to look at her surroundings. To make a long story short, moments only after Vinyl had dismounted the armored transport with the rest of the refugees, her group was assigned a section that laid further out from the front lines, the so called "Market Plaza" of Santa Anna.

Humans and ponies alike bustled around the field compound, a mix mash of refugees and military personal in a rush to complete their objectives.

The defense was composed of a complex network of inner trenches, a solid defensive position that was constructed in a relatively impressive period of time, taking around a day of work. The area bristled with machine guns, flak cannons, and artillery, manned by both human soldiers and their Royal Guard comrades who have defected from the Celestial Imperial regime. Fox holes and bunkers were scattered in a seemingly chaotic but systematically organized manner, taking careful advantage of both the cover and concealment that the forest offered the defenders, such in a way that every gun position covered each other in a deadly interlocking field of fire.


In short, it was a classic WW1 trench warfare set piece. Except with advanced technology and ponies to add on to it, and a few tanks ready to move out the minute an Celestial scout pegasus was spotted. At any other point in time, Vinyl would have herself in awe at such an engineering marvel. But recent events had rendered her cationic to her immediate surroundings, buried beneath a sea of guilt and self loathing.

Refugees shuffled about the compound, some of them bumping into the unicorn, paying her no mind.

“If this day was going to be perfect, then why did everything go to complete Tartarus? Just why?” Vinyl muttered, reminiscing the events of the few last weeks past.

They, both Vinyl and Octavia were supposed to be together in an embrace. Only a few months before did Vinyl confessed her love for the human. It was a turbulent experience, but somehow they managed to get through it, despite the stigma surrounding both same sex relationships and inter-species romance. Though Octavia was surprised, she slowly did eventually warm up to Vinyl. The cellist was different than Vinyl's past “marefriends” in the sense that in where they didn't stick around for long when there were better opportunities to be had with somepony else as soon as the chance came up, Octavia was dedicated to almost a fault. Though Octavia appeared to resemble the snobbish, uptight and arrogant Canterlottiane elite, deep down she was compassionate, generous and devoted individual to her friends, that is once you get past the cold hardened exterior.

“We bucked the beliefs of those who didn't think that we could be together... There was no bucking humans or ponies out there to get in our way. And Octavia...” Vinyl felt tears starting to drip down her muzzle.

“She was an amazing mare- no girlfriend. She actually took me in. She gave me nourishment, love and kindness. More than I ever would have expected from anypony, much less a human one...” Vinyl sniffed. She looked down at Neo P1 Noika in her hooves, images of the day she got her first gift from her beloved pounded her head.
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“Oh. My. Bucking. CELESTIA!”

Octavia simply smiled at the flabbergasted look on her dear marefriend's face. Vinyl's jaw hanged slack low, her red ruby eyes buldged wide open. She chuckled as Vinyl took her first few hesitant steps at what stood before her, completely dazzled by the electronic device that was in the cellist's hands.

The object in question? It was one of those "MP3" players that Vinyl had heard so much about ever since she first set hoof on Earth. The ability to store up to thousands of songs on such a small device was practically unheard of in Equestria. All they had was either the portable radios that had piss poor sound quality but were easy to store, or they had to bring a large and bulky record player, though it gave a fantastic sound despite it's size, it was far too bulky to carry on one's person, due to being designed to fit in transports such as chariots, airships and trains.

True, there were some forms of electronics in Equestria, otherwise Vinyl wouldn't have been the rather reckless and carefree mare whose dubstep music could be multipurpose to annihilate a building on command, if she put in enough power. However, this was a relatively only a new development in Equestrian musical culture, coming into popularity within the past three to five years. Even Vinyl's equipment were relatively antiquated in infancy compared to their human counterparts. She did have her magic, sure. But a unicorn mare could only pump out so much mana before they slump over, dead with a hangover so bad that you would have been better boiled alive, a fact that Vinyl made perfectly clear when she was screaming in agony in the hospital once upon a time.

For humans who utilize this technology for the past three decades, it was something that was considered almost child's play, what with even some of the most primitive tribes in both Africa and South America coming to hold possession of them, even ones that appear to be remotely isolated from civilization.

To anypony, gryphon, zebra and what have you, no matter the species, it holds true that if you introduce them to the wonders of modern technology, they will almost certainly rendered mute in stunned silence. (Or in Vinyl's case, drool over it.) For supposedly a flawed and violent species, nobody could deny both the genius and practicality of many of the human innovations. Even some of Equestria's brightest minds could only produce technology that paled in comparison to their human counterparts, (Assuming IF they had something to compare it with.) such as aircraft, The World Wide Web, well established cities, the never ceasing advance and development of human science in general, and most frightening to some of the more xenophobic and arrogant ponies, their devastatingly horrific weaponry.

All of this flew right over the DJ's head as she levitated the small electronic device in front of her eyes. She inspected every inch of it, from the screen itself, to the buttons that were plastered over it, ready and waiting for their owner's command and input. What more, it was colored with a lighting streak of her mane and fur, a white, bluish body that beared her own cutie mark.

Slowly, Vinyl looked back to Octavia, trembling with giddy anticipation.

“Oh my Celestia, Is this-?” Vinyl started, only for the cellist to lift a finger up to her muzzle to silence the unicorn.

“Yes Vinyl, this is my gift to you. Consider it a- OOOMMMF!”

“THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!”
Vinyl fired off in rapid succession, crushing Octavia in a bear hug, who all the while could only barely breathe to bring oxygen to her lungs. Vinyl being ever oblivious, wore a grin that rivaled that of a child in a candy store, except the candy store was giving out free lollipops double sized, with a free music album of their choice.

“Oh colt Tavi, you don't how much this mean to mean, because this is like the awesomeist thing that anypony has ever given to me! I mean, I can't even start on how I could repay your generosity and-”

“First off, awesomeist isn't a word. Secondly, while I do appreciate the compliment *Cough*- Vinyl, it would be nice if you could stop crushing me." Octavia wheezed.

“Oh! Uh, sorry Tavi!” Vinyl said, quickly relinquishing her bear hug. She suddenly found herself staring at her hooves in interest, all the while her cheeks flushed with embarrassment in a darkened magenta. Octavia could only chuckle as the mare she loved continued to shuffle. She rested her left hand on Vinyl's right shoulder, tipping her gaze back on Octavia's own.

“No need to apologize darling. But aren't you going to explore your first new steps into the world of electronics?” Octavia said with the MP3 player in hand, which the unicorn shortly seized with her magic.

“Ehehehe, yeah. Thanks Octy... Now. Let see what kinda cool radicalness this doohicky has to give me.”

Pressing the power button with her magic, the screen blazed to life, chiming a greeting as the system started to boot up its launch system, then shortly after going to the menu interface. Vinyl could only stare in bedazzlement as the machine absorbed all the albino's attention from anything else.

She couldn't wretch her eyes away as she tentatively tapped one of the icons that looked like a CD-disc, only to stop as she read something out of the left corner of her eye.

“Phone...” Vinyl muttered in puzzlement. She looked to Octavia. “Wait, so you are telling me that this thing is also a phone?”

The musician only rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh.

“Sometimes I wonder how you can be so dense one moment, then display complete competence the next Vinyl. If you haven't noticed Scratch, almost everyone either has a device similar to this to their ear, or they have their headphone plugged into it's audio jacket. Honestly Vinyl, it shouldn't be that hard to put two and two together.” Octavia patronized. How she managed to get herself hooked up with the purple goggled DJ was beyond the cellist. One thing had to another, just to simply lead to another.

The DJ-PON3 blinked, then in a gasp of realization, her mouth opened up in an “Oooooh, I knew that.” expression. The unicorn let out a flashed chuckle halfheartedly, rubbing the back of her head with her left forehoof in awkward tension. She suddenly saw a toothless, hillbilly version of herself starring dumbly at a set of turn tables, then bucking them to turn them on.

“Yeah... So... Could you uh, help me get this thing working?” Vinyl asked, trying to shift the subject.

Octavia's smile returned. Though Vinyl wasn't of the same species, and could be a little thick in the head at times, she could admire the unicorn's jubliant charisma, plus her rather tame and care free demeanor, with a spirited personality to boot to compensate. She was even had a unique charm to her affections.

"If you told me that I would've fallen in love with a unicorn disc jokey two months before, I would have dismissed told them that they were insane."

“Of course you silly pony. I don't know how you would be able to manage anything else otherwise.”

“Oh har, har, har. Thinking this disc jokey can't handle a little thing like this? Pff, I can handle this no prob.” Vinyl grinned.

Octavia only rolled her eyes in response.

“I wouldn't be so sure Vinyl. For a lady whose involved in electronics, you seem to have a slow time picking things up.”

“Oh shut up just up Octy. Let's just get started so I can hear witness to my kickass wubs!”

“Well, I suppose I could be charmed into listening to the racket that you happen to call 'music'. Oh well, let us sally forth. At least TRY not to break it, will you?"

"I got it covered. I mean, how hard could it possibly be to use this thing?" Vinyl asked with a smirk, casually flipping it around with her magic.

Octavia facepalmed.

"If you continue treating your phone like that, then you will find out much sooner than you think. Now, the let's get started with the instruction manual, first, to start the phone-"


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And with that, Octavia took Vinyl step by step on managing the smartphone to her advantage, using what knowledge that she had to teach Vinyl to utilize the small electronic device to it's fullest ability, including it's other accessories, battery life, system updates, surfing and protecting against fraud. By the time they were done, it was nearly midnight. Two days later, and Vinyl had already crammed around near a hundred songs on it's memory card.

"And I dance to the beat, cause I am all the heat, so Celestia's sun is always such a treat!" Vinyl sang, jubilant as she took to the dirt road that led into the local park. In one of her saddlebags,held a luminous orb that that held a few special qualities to it.

"Hehe. Wait till Octy sees what this baby can do. Always handy to have a mare like Twi on hoof to enchant stuff. This'll make avoiding those PER ponies like a peace of cake."

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“C'mon Ms. Octavia, being a pony isn't that bad! Even the newfoals agree with us! Haven't you seen how happy they are under Celestia's Sun and Luna's Moon? No more greed. No more corruption. No more evil. And the newfoals say that they are MUCH happier being ponies. Look at Maple Leaf here!” The pegasus stallion said, patting a light orange earth pony. Maple Leaf smiled on, as if the mare has just won the lottery.

Something about the way she smiled made Octavia wary though, staring back with a frown. The mare that was once a human women seemed too jubilant for only just talking with the human before her. It just didn't seem natural. At all. At best, the situation was very apprehensive. At worst...

“It's simply wonderful Star Sign! Never have I felt such happiness in my life! And Celestia's leadership hasn't steered me wrong so far. I mean, EVERYTHING feels fresher. Equestria is simply a paradise. I simply cannot imagine going back to life as a human. Ms. Octavia, you MUST join us! You will feel much better after you cast off the chains of humanity for the wisdom and kindness under our goddesses."

"Perhaps another time, but I must be off. I have business to attend to right now." Octavia said, hoping that the ponies would move out of the way. When she tried to move forward though, they only shook their heads in the negative.

"But surely you won't know for sure until you try? If you don't like it, you can always revert back to being a human. Though I honestly don't see the reason as why one would do that. All you have to do is drink the Potion, and all your worries will fade away as you cast off what hold away your happiness.” Maple Leaf stated with excited fervor. The ponies surrounding them shouted various words of agreement. The cellist had different thoughts on the matter otherwise.

“Join us! You'll be happier this way!”

"Cast off the chain that bind you!"

“The Princesses are wonderful rulers!”

“You spirit will become pure after becoming one with the herd, I promise that in Luna's name!”

Octavia grimaced. Though the musician had seen her fair share of odd individuals, Vinyl included, the way that this group of recently ponified individuals were preaching about how much their lives had improved was enough that even cultists were weary of them.

Quite frankly, it unnerved the cellist to no end, what with them all droning on, even seemingly acting the same lines of some abstract protocol. They acted politely enough, more than tolerable even. But that was the problem. Octavia, as far as she could recall, didn't find an individual that she had spite for, the ponified giving them nothing but smiles. But it all seemed so... Robotic, programmed, illegitimate. And just about every newfoal she has ever confronted face to face always were at least suggestive on her joining the so called "Mass Utopia". The way their numbers were escalating didn't help the matter at all. And as of late, they were becoming more adamant in their attempts to sway her.

“While I do appreciate the offer, I need my hands to play the cello. Plus I am perfectly content with the life that I have now, so if you will kindly pardon, I need to get going.” Octavia said, beginning to walk away, only for one of the newfoals intercept her path, eyes glowing with a cheery smile that looked like it was pasted to his muzzle.

“Now let's now be so hasty. Surely after you gave a pony life a try, you could potentially find it being happier after you become a pony. If you don't like it, then you can always go back to being human. Not that anypony has wanted to yet anyhow.”

"Ever thought about as to the reason why they haven't?"

Octavia was starting to become more weary of their repetitious persistence as the PER ponies closed in on her, shouting phrases of “Praise Celestia!, Join the herd!, Become engulfed in friendship and love!” etc.

Suddenly, a white blur barreled through the crowd, knocking down ponies in it's path with reckless abandon. Standing in front of Octavia was an albino white mare with the hair of a blazing blue hue, who stood protectively in front of the cellist.

"Vinyl!"

“HEY! Back off from my girlfriend you assholes! She's with me!" Vinyl growled, stomping her right hoof. The newfoals didn't even so much as flinch.

"If she doesn't want to become a pony, then that's fine. You don't need to be jerks and push on her that being a pony is the awesomest thing in existence. Besides, she's a cellist, who oh, I don't know, NEEDS HER FUCKING HANDS TO PLAY HER INSTRUMENT!?" She fired off, glaring at the crowd before them. Slowly, they parted to let in Maple Leaf, who was smirking with amusement as a chuckle passed from her lips.

"You will learn to accept our teachings. Once that happens, you'll be none the wiser. Then you can truly live out your life to the fullest as an Equestrian." The earth pony said, coming closer with each step until she was in hoof's distance of the albino unicorn.

"Besides, who needs hands when we have magic? Very clean, efficient and harmonious. Much better than the crude contraptions that humans use. And if you mean to imply there are no earth pony musicians, you are wrong. You should know that, being an Equestrian native yourself." Maple Leaf stated with a righteous smirk.

If looks could kill, then the mare before Vinyl would have been turned to ashes. Then the ashes would have been reduced to the atomic, microscopic level. Then they would have been exploded in a pressure cooker. Then placed in a spaceship, which is then rammed into the moon, which in turn was rammed into the sun.

Needless to say, Maple Leaf was hanging on a very thin thread that was at the snapping point.

"Let me make one thing very clear here. If you so much as even lay a hoof on her, I will make suffer so much pain that even Tartarus would be better than what I have in store for you. And let me tell you something. You are very close to getting bucked into the ground. Hard."

She jabbed a hoof into Maple's chest, shoving her back.

"So if you don't mind, fuck off."

The crowd backed off as one, though their smiles did not dissipate. The way they were just so optimistic and all seemingly hive minded made her shiver.

"Egh... Just the way they just keep smiling. Are they even ponies? Even zombies have more emotion present in their face than these... Are they even real?"

“One day, you will learn the error of your ways. When that happens, all the bad in the world will go away. Just you wait.” Slowly, the crowd dispersed. Not even thirty seconds later, there was barely a trace of evidence to point out to their presence. A few moments after she lost sight of the mass crowd, Vinyl released a frustrated scream, smashing her hooves into a dumpster that happened to be unfortunate enough to be placed next to her. The ding was so loud that it echoed across five blocks at least, with the area where the unicorn smashed left with a huge dent in the side.

"Arrrgh! What is their major malfunction? I mean, you simply don't just go walking up to a random stranger and shove your mumbo jumbo down their throat. Those mules acted like jackasses. Sorry that they had to pester you of all people Tavi. If they even try to bother you again..."

The cellist lifted a palm to her head, closing her eyes then sighing.

"Really Vinyl, it was no trouble at all. I'll just take a detour to avoid them in the future. And I sincerely doubt that violence will do anything other than land you in a jail cell."

Vinyl stared back at Octavia with concern in her eyes, doubt shining through as the unicorn frowned.

"Octavia, I know that you were the one to tell me that something wasn't right with them, but did you even see how forceful they were? I don't think there will even be a next time if they have you cornered.

"Vinyl, can we at least discuss this at home? I am rather exhausted. We''ll talk about this once we get back to the apartment." Octavia sighed, the palm of her hand pressing into her frontal lobe.

"Just remember you promised this. Now, lets ditch this place before more of those goons show up." With that, they continued on their route home, wearily keeping a 360 degree watch out for any other ponies that wished to preach to them about how great it was being a pony. Out of the corner of an alleyway however, an earth pony Royal Guard Captain and his entourage of soldiers looked intently at the the musicians with a scrutinizing eye, many with scowls on their muzzle.

Captain Air Cutter spat at the filthy concrete in disgust, eyes brimming with hatred as he glared down the departing duo.

"Bah! I don't know why these damned humans won't just convert on the spot and be done with it. Surely they can't be THAT blind when they see what life we can give them. Pfft, typical of these primates. Always arrogant, selfish and greedy. Nothing but a lousy lot of liars. And that human female has even turned one of our own against us, the bitch." He scowled, grounding his hoof into the ground. One of his privates, a pegasus by the name of Spring Coil stepped up.

"Captain, pardon me for asking, but what did the humans ever did to you? I-" Spring stopped abruptly as his CO's glare was directed at him. The private suddenly found himself regretting opening his big fat muzzle as he shrank underneath the piercing gaze that was digging into his soul.

"Go on. Please, enlighten us with your infinite wisdom Private Coil. We would all like to know what you have to say."

Spring gulped. If he didn't know what his superior thought of him before, the poor stallion now had a picture to foreshadow the events of near future.

"Well private? I'm waiting."

"Si-sir, with all do respect, they aren't all bad, at least they don't actively show others disrespect. The humans I have met seems to be just exactly like us, save for you know, having no magic and walking on two legs instead of four. I mean, they have minds just like our own, showing both good and e-evil. And considering what we're doing, I am not so-"

"SMACK!"

With a sudden stab of pain, Coil found himself being held in a vice grip against a wall. He could only whimper as he felt his throat being constricted by his superior.

"Don't. Ever. Let. Me. Catch. You. Spewing. This. Shit. You understand me? Besides, you'll soon come to realize why they must bend. More than a few have disrespected our Goddesses, they whom are the ultimate wise and supreme rulers of Equestria. Humans on the other hoof are nothing but filth out of the sewer. Their words are laced with only false promises and deceit. If I catch you doing anything of the sort like this again, not even Nightmare Moon will protect you from my wrath."

With a snort, he threw the pegasus to the ground.

"Get back to camp you foal. I'll deal with you personally later. Or do you wish to know why geo golems shatter when I buck them?"

Wide eyed at the possibility of having his bones being reduced to dust, Spring Coil scrambled up and flared his wings, beating a hasty retreat back to his barracks.

"Pfft. Spineless pegasus mule. How in the Tartarus did he make it into the Guard?"

Huffing in irritation, Air Cutter called his troops to formation. Glancing over the array of guard ponies, his eyes picked out the perfect candidate.

"You, Cloudcast!, Get your sorry flank here!" Air Cutter barked. A pegasus, one of a red coat and pale yellow mane marched up and saluted. His cutie mark, a diamond heart that was punctured with a chisel, gleaned in the sunlight.

"You have need of me sir?"

"Yes. Get back to camp and ready for deployment. I'll meet you by the supply depot."

"Sir?"

Air Cutter flash a grin, chuckling softly.

"You have a new objective. I believe a certain cellist in need of some "persuasion". Speak of this to nopony, understood?"

"As you wish Captain. But what about the unicorn mare? Unless...." He trailed off, unsure if he should continue, only for his answer to come shortly after.

"She will be dealt with in time. I will handle her personally." He laughed.

"This day is going to be perfect."
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Meanwhile, Spring Coil had stopped at the barrack entrance, panting heavily as he gulped in desperately for a lungful of air.

"Gah. Yup. Definitely going to request for a transfer. Maybe Dolphin Wing's group would be better to work with. Or maybe even Monochrome's group... Celestia knows she is a lot nicer." He mumbled, nudging the door open and trotting inside. As he was about to store his armor in his compartment, he noticed that there was a fiery maned, yellow coated pegasus sitting on his bunk.

"Well it's about time you got here Spring Coil. Still a little on the slow side I see."

His armor clanged to the ground forgotten as Spring Coil struggled to recompose himself.

"S-Spitfire!?"

"Not just her boy."

Spring Coil jumped as he heard crack from behind him. Turning to see who had made the noise, he realized that the door had actually been bucked closed by an orange hued earth pony with a stenson on her head. She glared at him as she steadily made her way closer to him. A quick glance to his rear sealed any hope of escape as Spitfire blocked the only way of escape.

He was trapped in a classic pincer movement.

"What's going on!? What are you even doing here?" Spring asked, panic evident in his voice as he desperately tried to remain standing. The earth pony came up to him, staring Spring directly in the eye. Spring felt as if her apple green eyes were pressing a lance into his throat. He backed up

"Do you even know why even the Royal Guard are even here sugarcube?"

"To protect the newfoals from human insurrectionists, per orders from Celestia herself." He instantly replied without missing a beat, eyes arched in confusion. Then he scowled.

"Just what in the hay does this have to do with anything Spits? I should have you two arrested for assaulting a guard of Her Magiesty's Army!"

"



Spring Coil had a feeling that this was only the beginning of his troubles as the mare began filling him on the details.

A moment later, his eyes shot open in horror.

"He means to do WHAT!?"
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Vinyl could barely keep her jaw straight, clenching her teeth so hard that an observant mouse feared that she might blow up into an unstoppable rage.

"Who gave those ponies the right to pester them and other humans? If they already have a good life ahead of them, they should just leave them alone!"

“Pfft. No wonder why Octavia says that even some cultists are tame in comparison. And why are they so happy? Nopony is EVER like that. Well, save for Pinkie Pie. But even she has her limits. But they... Only the newfoals..."

Vinyl sighed as she hopped off the bed, taking a few short steps outside the balcony that they were on.

"Well... At least as long as they don't try to bother us anymore, I think we'll be fine."

"I wouldn't be so sure Miss Scratch."

Vinyl felt her heart skip a beat as she nearly rocketed off the balcony. Turning around to see who the voice belong to, her lip curled into a snarl.

"YOU! What the hell are you doing here featherhead? Haven't got the message last time?"

Cloudcast chuckled as he swooped in for a landing, making a graceful stop just a few feet from where Vinyl stood.

"Oh no, quite the contrary. You have only moved me to be even more tenacious in my persuasion."

"Like hell asshole. The moment you even lay a hoof on Octavia, I will rip your fucking spine out with your wings and choke you with it! You and me, let's go!"

Vinyl blood curled as a heard a loud scream, along with some shouting from the bedroom. Dread encased her body as she saw Cloudcast give her a smirk.

"Oh no. I think your friend will find that in disagreement."

"No."

Vinyl didn't even know she was moving till she saw the shattered door in pieces on the ground.

"No!"

She ran to the bedroom, hoping against the fear was all a malicious lie. Her heart stopped when she saw that Octavia was nowhere to be seen. Only four Guard Ponies at the foot front of the bed had suddenly backed off from a mare as she stumbled to her hooves. A grey mare with a familiar eye and hair color.

Vinyl felt all the feelings of despair and anguish from the past suddenly forced itself to her shoulders as she felt herself collapse.

"OCTAVIA!"
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Vinyl started to openly sob as foul memories tainted her thoughts, the events of what happened yesterday still clear in her mind.

“It's not fair! So what if humans had done some horrible things in the past? That doesn't mean they are all fucking evil! Why couldn't they get it past through their thick skulls that humans have actually done more than some good in the world? WHY DON'T THEY TAKE THEIR OWN FAUSTING ADVICE AND SHOVE IT UP THEIR FLANKHOLE!?” Vinyl shouted, slamming her hooves on the floor as she rested against the bed, looking down at the gray hooves that stood in front of her....

“Wait... Grey hooves? … Oh please Faust NO!” Vinyl looked up, only to gasp in horror as she found an earth pony mare staring back at her with a smile, along with several guard ponies and newfoals.

Oh no..." Vinyl mumbled in horror. "This can't be happening! No!"

"Yes. And it is most glorious Vinyl! They actually told the truth! And now, we can truly be together my dear."

It was Octavia's voice. But the pony in front of her hardly resembled the girl she declared her girlfriend. Not just in body, but her personality, even at a glance, she could tell had been warped.

"T-Tavi, please, snap out of it! You're stronger than this!" Vinyl pleaded, only to pale as she saw her mare frown.

"Oh Vinyl. I was hoping you would see things differently. I suppose you are in line with those uncouth, ugly apes. Why would you abandon me?"

Faster than Vinyl could even process, she had slammed the mare that claimed to be 'Octavia' to the ground, glaring at her with a searing hatred in her heart.

"... You are NOT my Tavi! You are just some... Drone! Don't worry Octavia, I'll- AUGH!"

Vinyl screamed as she suddenly felt Octavia's hoof gouge her throat. She looked on in horror as she saw her mare give her an icy smile.

"Good bye Vinyl. It was a pity you have not seen the light. But that will change in time."

Vinyl only saw a glint from one of Octavia's hooves as it withdrew from her neck. A stiletto coated in blood glinted in the light.

Her blood.

She didn't even have time to think as her world turned to darkness.

Comments ( 43 )

1604503 Haha, yes, :rainbowlaugh: I replied to your comment on the forum. Did you not get the notification? :rainbowhuh:

1604513 No, it didn't pop up.
Care to post the link?

Yep. I like it. It deconstructs the bigotry and hatred that a Human-Pony couple would face in a TCB world.

And the anguish felt when one of them was forcibly converted.

Glad I could find another one that doesn't color all humans with the same "evil" paintbrush.

I spent exactly 20 seconds looking for a tcb story. Speak of the devil and all that...:rainbowlaugh:

I admit, the core concept of a human/pony pair dealing with the event of the human being ponified was interesting when I first read of it. But reading the story now, there's entirely too much purple, and the generous dollop of LUS didn't help either. My suggestion, adjust that and fix the grammar mistakes, and you'll have a much more polished product.

EDIT: Lastly, my own personal nitpick is the choice of characters seems artificial and kind of forced, especially given commonly accepted fanon regarding Octavia and Vinyl Scratch and their appearances within canon already. Would probably have been a more plausible choice to go with OCs instead, in my opinion. Withholding my thumb for the moment, as it balances evenly between an up and a downvote to me.

EDIT #2: I really admit to being a little disappointed with the long description. I'd hoped that you'd be writing a more balanced TCB story, as opposed to what the description hints at.

1613023 Erm... I didn't think the fic would invoke such a response, but whatever suits your beagles. Though now that you brought this up, I'll see what I can do with this new found knowledge. Though I would hardly call this chapter a deep look into the psyche of the TCB. It's hardly a story by itself, at least not yet.

That will change with time however.
I thank thee for your praise. Don't forget to add a little salt to the wound though.
Criticism will help me flourish.

1613265 Uh dude? You might want to check the "Anti Conversion Bureau." There are plenty of deconstructions to add along with it. Trust me, there are more than you think.

1613576 ... You don't know how much I love you right about now. You are the exact person I need to help with the story here. I need something to serve as a counterbalance so that I don't end up going all... Well, as you oh so elegantly put it, writing "purple prose." And no, I wasn't offended by your criticism at all. Quite the opposite really. Critics like yourself aid in picking apart details that could potentially be the story's utter ruin in the future.

What exactly would you do if you were the one at the helm of this story's development?
Your comment is indeed very detailed, but would you mind if I asked for a little more?
After all, I am a novice when it comes to writing anything that could barely resemble a story.
My travesties on fanfiction.net are a testament to that.

By all means, open up on this story and unleash terrible vengeance upon it.
The more scalding the better. It quite almost literally adds to my creative fuel cells.
Without you, my imagination would dull. You are the wheatstone that sharpens my intellectual blade.
Keep it up lad, you are doing fine so far!

1613576 As for shipping Vinyl and Octavia.... Well, I will admit that they are among my favorites in terms of shipping.
I suppose I can see what you are trying to convey. Hmm... This is gonna be a tricky dilemma to solve indeed...
I still want to keep them in this story, but perhaps adding a few OCs wouldn't hurt either... But the problem is that most of the OCs that I end up creating closely treads the lines of becoming a Marty/Mary Sue, thus why I haven't created any yet. Again, my first stories are a testament at how eye scratching some of the characters are.

I assure you, if this story actually had OCs, it would bomb even worse than you think.
But with a little assistance, I believe that could perhaps be surmounted.

As for being forced? I am a novice at writing fanfiction. It isn't surprising to be honest that you picked at this detail. I suck at writing romance, even with how passionate I can sometimes be shipping whatever two ponies that are alone with each other. (Think of me like Rarity with the shipping goggles.) This is a textbook example of writing up a suspenseful description to draw people in, only to fail to live up to the expectations and hype behind it. My apologies for misleading you Cloudhammer.

1613576 One last thing.
What imagery does the description invoke?
Please detail which parts of it engage your imagination exactly.
I wouldn't want to dissapoint, now would I?

I can't please everyone, but I'll be damned if I don't do my best to
solve that problem. (Just don' get your hopes up. Chances are, this bias will be present throughout the story. My sincere apologies.)

Gentlemen, you heard the man. Tear into this story with all your reckless abandon.
The more scathing and critical, the better I will be able to respond and deal with the problem accordingly.
Otherwise you leave me in the dark with no steering wheel to use.

That is your mission lads. Don't fail this story now!
Godspeed you glorious basterds!

It’s not bad, or good at the same time. Most of the problems I've seen are of the grammatical kind, but the story seems... well, flat. There's little backstory, character development, let alone emotions and the whole story reads as, "Humans aren't bad, so ponification is evil and stuff like that."

I would go into more detail, but I'm at school and can berley string a sentence together.

1617001 ... Well at least it isn't horrible. I was expecting the response to this story to be abysmal. But what can I expect? I'm a mediocre writer at the best of times, and a can barely keep a coherent plot, let alone an entire story.
It's most an experimental story, sorta for my own amusement if you will. It's not aiming to be the next Fallout Equestria, or even your average story on this site. It essentially boils down to being a comfort food. Only instead of being ice cream and cake, it is a self fulfillment fanfiction. So no, it hardly qualifies something that would resemble quality, and I accept that.

In other words, if you were looking for something out of the norm, you are wasting your time here.
I am by no means above the average. More often sadly a little below that.

1625950
Well it wasnt the worst fanfiction I've read, but the whole story seemed rushed, even in its paceing. But its by no means eye gougingly terrible, just rushed. It would of turned oht better if it was streched out a bit more and slowed down. Other than the minor gripes with grammar and the okay story line. Its an alight read.

1626210 Meh, the thing is sorta suppose to serve as a point in time.
I was thinking of drawing it back a couple months.

But how would you suggest that I manage this story?
I am all ears for improvement. I'll admit, the whole thing was pretty much cobbled up
in the span of a few hours, so my apologies.

1626310
No problem, it happens to the best of us.

Anyhow I sudjest planing the story; like if its going to have chapters, what the plot is, characters, settings, ect all in one word document. Once you have a general plan set up begin writing the mini plot (or the general goings on in a chapter) for that chapter and the others you may or may not have planned, right up to the very end. After that you begin to write the chapter acording to what you've planned. Then edit it, have someone lool over it incase you've made a mistake, and then publish it to the site.

That is what I sudjest, because its my method of writing stories and it seems to work for me.

But for the tl;dr version: Have a plan for the story, then write it, because it works for me so it should (hopefully) work for you.

1629638 I've actually been writing this out in my notepad that I carry on my person for just such an occasion.
Though I suppose I was in such haste to write this down that I didn't put any thought to streamlining this mess out before hand.

1614438
OH THANK YOU
I was getting tired of reading the kinds of stories where copious amounts of equine ass were kissed and humans were Flanderized to become TEH DEBBIL.
Not bad so far, by the way.

... Well I just done and jumped the gun on this one....
This thing needs more than just a little sprucing up in a couple places....
The problem is I have no idea on how to write out how they meet....
What a weakness..

I've read your story and found out it wasn't as new as I thought it was. Though you have an interesting beginning chapter and a more interesting flashback transition, I can't help but feel a little confused about the very beginning and the end. This is supposed to be one of those "How we got here" story, right? Well I can't really figure out which point in time was this happening. I'd like to think that "the present" is when Vinyl just finished watching Octavia's transformations, but then in the end it seem like it was much more further than this. Like Octavia's PER attitude went too far and is now about to do something to Vinyl and just before it happens we flashback to see what happens to Vinyl before it gets to that point and the main bulk of the story or beginning chapters is Vinyl's struggle with the ponified Octavia.

I have to point out that I like the middle part of the story where we learn a little bit about human Octavia's and pony Vinyl's life before it was turned upside down by the PER's action. I also learned enough about what kind of Conversion Bureau world it is and it seems like there are two prominent OCs that will help Vinyl in her troubles. I also liked the creepiness of the PER ponies attitudes toward Octavia, I'm now curious about the PER Octavia and I'm also wondering if this story will eventually become a quest to at least bring Octavia's usual personality back to normal. I wonder if PER Octavia is going to be a little weird with her music as well. All I can do now and sit and wait for the next chapter just like many of my readers have with my story. One more thing, you should follow my advice with Octavia and Vinyl talking over her transformation or at least trying to, it could even be one way with Vinyl desperatly trying to make sure 'Tavi's personality change isn't too drastic. Anyway I like the way the story is going so far.

1928881 I suggest you read my latest blog entry, it should help describe why I am having such trouble over every little detail.
See, I can formulate a scene, but trying to word it out is just simply one big pain in the ass for me. Every little word could potentially invoke a different image for every reader, and here I am trying to account for all that. I see the world from multiple perspective, and trying to account for them is driving me up the wall! :pinkiecrazy:

In the end, I get to nowhere.
In an RP environment, I have something that I can actually respond to, since the environment is already laid out for me to play in,
concerning myself only with my own OC's reactions, if you will. I also have a problem in trying to organize the story in chronological order, since my inspiration is an on/off hit and run. I feel like I HAVE to size these moments before they pitter out and die a whisper, you get what I am saying?
Very inconvenient, if I do say so myself. And I do want to write this ship, seeing as how in S1 fanon, Octavia was once considered one of the only earth ponies out there who could play a stringed instrument such as a cello, and provide a far superior product to her unicorn counterparts. Even without hands or magic, she still managed to prevail. That is what I wanted to capture here, to show how her spirit triumphs over evil, both human and pony. A focus on both Vinyl's and Octy's relationship with each other so that the reader may feel hope, to share in their emotions, be it anger, sorrow, joy and so forth.
Plus, this is one of my favorite shippings out there. Octavia being a personal favorite for me due to how much in common I seem to share in her personality and demeanor. Refined, Introverted, Class, Sophisticated, and a true mare of expressive spirit.

And I want to do each scene justice, so much so it ends up being my downfall, getting stuck on what should relatively be minor scenes.
I know that it is MY story and all, but I want to convey how I would imagine it correctly. You get what I am saying? :applejackunsure:

1931066
Yes I get what you're saying, but I'm thinking this is the first time you've seen a fan speculate about what would happen next this deeply before. Your story is your own after all, I'm just wondering what would happen next and these are just simply my thoughts, especially with Vinyl looking up to a creepy happy Octavia with several guard ponies and newfoals in the end of the first chapter which made me think that way about Octavia.

1934191 If you mean reading fan comments trying to speculate what could happen next, then yes that is a first time for me. An author can sometimes be provided helpful material by simply reading the speculations that are in place. You could potentially find new ways to branch the story off into, twist up their expectations, play with their emotions, hit em with a sudden curveball out of nowhere, throwing off the reader entirely by the sheer audacity of it. It would be nice if the readers here provided their speculation on this, especially since the more you update, the bigger audience that you are going to attract.

Hell, I've once written some lonely fanfiction on the majority of a fanfic on a 123 page notepad,
yet here I am stuck on juice. If you would kindly give your thoughts on what I have on my latest blog, I will be forever grateful.

1936719
@the first paragraph
Then on one hand you shouldn't be too dismissive about the speculations, but on the other hand you should encourage more thoughts like this if you're somewhat of a teasing type or have fun reading about other people's ideas. I didn't exactly ask what was really happening in the end so I want to get this straight about why I thought Octavia would go PER, in the end Vinyl looks up to Octavia in complete fear for friend standing right next to a bunch of newfoals and guardponies, complete with a creepy smile on her face as well. So I have to wonder, is this one of those parts that will be explained later in the story or not? If not, then what's happenig here?

@second paragraph
I just did last night, lost some sleep writing that though.

Only thing to be said negatively: a fair amount of typoes and some grammatical and punctuational errors. Other than that, I'd love to read more.

2181523 Aye, I am working on that lad. To make a long story short, my belief is that the goal of language is to convey and communicate ideas with other individuals. If that goal is met, then you have reached a mutual understanding with the other party. Though for things like essays and stories, I do still encourage the use of proper grammar, even within comments. But a minor error or so shouldn't be the downfall of a story.
By the way, what stood out in this story? What were my strengths and weaknesses?

2182247 Well to start the whole 'Octy's a human Vinyl's a pony, but buck that, we'll have a relationship...' Then there's the 'Octy's now a pony, ' the buck do I do?' Plus the cult like 'new-foal's Always smiling, creeping me the buck out. Finally(ish) the 'Octy's smiling at you as a pony part of the cult thing-a-majigeder' suspenceful cliffhanger.

Cliff Hanger, hanging from a cliff, and that's why they call him cliff hanger!

Coudoes to anypony who gets the reference.

2184838 ... So, all I have to do is establish a relationship?
The chapter is the prologue.

How do you suggest I develop this?

2184909 Before you do that, why are the 'new-foal's so frikin' creepy. :trixieshiftright:

2316644 Some claim that soon after author wrote this, he was kidnapped and turned into one of Celestia's most loyal ponies. To this day, he continues to spread the word of the Goddess in Her Name. Celestia bears fruit, saving Humanity from corruption.

"Gloria Celestia de Luna!"

All silliness aside though, you have given me some incentive to update this thing. However, I am still busy with my latest story. Kinda having this on the back burner while I try to formulate new plot ideas. This process takes months at the very least to compile all the data.

Whelp, to anyone reading this, I am going to try and see if I can continue writing this story, considering I have been blocked with a brick wall in attempting to go beyond my means there.

Hopefully it shant be too terrible.

well fuck -_-. god damn fucking pony's. I will die before i turn

2598232 Well then brother, to Hell with us.

This is why O injected aether into my blood.

Please continue this story. I want to see Vinyl get rescued by the PHL - lead by humans, rebel ponies, and Princess Luna. Then, Luna tells Vinyl that Princess Celestia has turned evil, in the same way that Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon. Vinyl needs to assist in holding off the Celestial Army long enough for Luna to find the six human bearers of the Elements of Harmony, who can purify the pony bearers of the Elements of Harmony and the now evil, Princess Celestia.

For inspiration, here are two useful links.

http://www.movieoutline.com/articles/the-hero-journey-mythic-structure-of-joseph-campbell-monomyth.html

https://creativewhack.com/product.php?productid=64


First, a story is a narrative, a sequence of events of someone doing something for a reason.

Second, think like a journalist by asking the Five Ws and one H questions.

Who did that?
What happened?
Where did it take place?
When did it take place?
Why did that happen?
How did it happen?

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