Changing Colours
It was early morning all across Equestria. Birds chirping, butterflies roaming around, it seemed peace reigned surpreme, but looks can be decieving. It had only been two weeks ago since the changling invasion of Canterlot ended and hysteria had spread throughout Equestria.
There were rumors spreading around about what had happened. Some thought that Princess Luna came up with the scheme to overthrow her sister. Others blamed the Royal Guard was responsible for the invasion. Some even had the guts to say Celestia let the changelings invade only to help her faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, to enhance her magical abilities. Now that she thought back it wouldn't have been a terrible idea, but she wouldn't use Canterlot as a training ground.
She then began getting letters from mayor's all across Equestria requesting her assistance. One mayor even asked her to execute a pony for being a suspected changeling. But only one letter was distressing, that one was from Ponyville. She had gotten several reports recently of changeling activity in her town. They were very similiar to one's years prior about similiar occurences. After cross-checking they found out that they were the exact same incident. The mayor requested and immediate investigation on the problem. This was why she was in her private quarters with a quill in her grasp, and a piece of partchment on the table.
She was at a total loss for what to write. She didn't normally have to write these types of letters which made it more difficult. She had to let Twilight know about this in order for it to be settled and end the hysteria. She needed Twilight to create a spell to undiscuise a changeling. She finally began to write.
Dear my most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,
I write this letter in great importance in the matter. Make sure this information gets to your Ponyville friends. the mayor of Ponyville has requested an investigation over changeling sightings going back years. I want you and your friends to find the changeling and for you to come up with a spell to undiscuise a changeling. I wish you and your friends luck and I hope to see you soon.
Your mentor, Princess Celestia.
***
The sun had just risen in Ponyville and the vendors in town square were already packed. Vendors were trying to sell their items as potential customers searched for the best deals. It was just another day at the office for them. The only place that was peaceful was high in the sky at the Cloud Hall, home of the most awesomest pegasus in the universe, Rainbow Dash.
Despite that she was all to busy snoozing the morning away. Usually she would be working on the skies of Ponyville, but today she took a well deserved day off.
Everypony wondered about her peculiar lifestyle. As far as any pony knew, nopony had met her parents. Their was even a speculation that she was an orphan. Also why did she live high above the city? Almost every pegasus lived on the ground with everypony else. She was truely strang by other ponies standerds.
Soon a small purple dragon ran swiftly toward the cloud mansion. When he was finally there he rested for a moment. He had ran from the town library all the way to Rainbow's house. When he finally caught his breath he bellowed "Rainbow Dash!".
He heard some rustling coming from the cloud house before the rainbow maned pegasus stuck her head out the window and dryly said "What Spike, can't you see i'm trying to sleep".
"I see that but it's really urgent. Twilight told me to gather all of you so she could talk to you guys about something", Spike exlaimed.
"And what's that something", she yawned loudly.
"It has something to do with the changelings", Spike said equally as tired.
Spike looked up to Rainbow staring blankly at him. She had no expression in her eyes, so much so that it was creepy. All of a sudden a flash of cyan washed across her eyes. He had to blink to realize what he saw. Did he just see her eyes flash? Before his train of thought could keep going it was interuppted by the sound of Rainbow's voice.
"Okay Spike, tell Twi I will swing by when I'm done taking a quick shower", she said as se tucked her head back into the window.
Spike left soon after still troubled about what he thought he saw.
***
Once she was out of sight and in her bathroom she let he discuise fall. This was going to be bad, so very bad for her, and her soon to be former friends
***
Thirty minutes had passed by the time she left her cloud home. She was now flying over town square which was now in full swing, yet her nervousness from before had not gone away. The last time she felt this way was just before she won the Best Young Fliers Competion and before that was stepping on Equestrian soil for the first time. But this was a different type of nervousness. She spotted the ever familiar tree house near the center of town, she then turn slightly toward the right th make sure she didn't ram herself into the wall. She made a mental note to use the front door as she landed in front of the library.
She gave a hearty knock at the door and heard several hushed voices before Twilight opened the door.
"Hey, look who finally decided to use the front door instead of braking through my window again", Twilight said in a slight sarcastic tone.
"Okay, Twi you could let me in", Rainbow replied with a similiar sacastic tone.
Twilight nodded slightly and let Rainbow in. She looked around the room to make everypony was here and said "Now that everypony is here we will start the meeting". "As you all heard from Spike this is about the changelings, specificly sightings from here in Ponyville going back a number of years. Princess Celestia requested me to find the changeling and create a spell that reveal changelings true form. She also told me to let you all help out. Any questions."
At first there was complete silence before Applejack raised her hoof "Wouldn't the changeling attack us if we were to undescuise it".
"Your absolutly right, which is why when we do that they would be knocked out for multiple hours while it would pass through us harmlessly", Twilight lectured.
"I have and idea why not we make a party out of this. It would be called "Hooray we are not changelings hopefully party" it would have cake, baloons, frosti-", Pinkie stopped as Twilight's hoof was stuffed into her mouth.
"Yes Pinkie, it would be a great idea, does anypony disagree", she asked. Everypony began talking about it and how it might be cool for them.
"YYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY", Pinkie squeled at the verdict causing Fluttershy to hide in her flown pink mane.
"Then it's settled, Saturday we will have the party. By that time as should be done with the spell. Good bye everypony", Twilight said gladly. Everypony was talking about how exited they were for the party that they were oblivious to the rarely silent Rainbow Dash.
"Its just getting worse", she mumbled under her breath, yet she was unaware of a certain baby dragon watching her from a far.
***
Normally Rainbow would have ran off at the thought of going to the local spa, but now it was the best place to clear her thoughts. It was now Friday, two days after the meeting that will ever change her future which was probably ruined. She would never become a Wonderbolt, she would be luck if she could still be on Equestria soil by the end of the week. What was worse is that her friends were looking foward to it, even Fluttershy was exitied for the party for Celestia's sake.
"Can you believe that a changling has been her for YEARS and nopony was suspicious enough to find out the truth", Rarity stated in disgust. She couldn't blame her, her kind were evil, crude, and unsanitary. Everything that she dispised.
"I know what you mean Rarity, it is quite weird is it", Fluttershy softly replied.
"I bet anypony who was suspicious was disposed of by the changeling. I'm just glad none of us are changelings, right Rainbow", Rarity stated looking over to Rainbow. If only she knew.
The door the the spa creaked open as Twilight walked through the door. She looked tired as if she had been up for days, most likely working on the spell. "Hey guys, how's it going" Twilight sais wearily.
"Darling, you look absolutly horrible, why won't you come into the hot tub with us", Rarity asked.
"I guess you right I am a little tuckered out from all that spell making", Twilight replied. She proceeded to plop her self int the pool. "That was a good idea Rarity", she continued.
"So how is the spell going, Twi?", Rainbow asked trying to keep her voice as upbeat as possible.
"Great, actually I just finished it", Twilight respounded smiling.
"That is just wonderful darling, well done", Rariet exlaimed.
"You know guys I think I'm going to bail the water is getting me sick", Rainbow interjected while lifting herself out.
"That is quite okay darl-", Rarity stopped as Rainbow Dash fled from the pool in the spa. "What is up with her lately", Rarity asked to nopony in particuler.
***
Rainbow just had to get out of that spa. Tears began to flow down her muzzle as relisation hit her. After tomorrow she would be a fugitive and would be forced to leave Equestia, or worse go back to the hive. Everthing seemed to be falling around her like a ton of bricks. Her train of thought was suddenly stop by a familiar dragon clearing his throat.
She wiped her tears and looked up to see Spike looking down at her. "Were you crying", Spike asked the obvious.
"Something just got caught in my eye that's all Spike now leave me alone", Rainbow said solemnly.
"No, not untill I get answers", Spike replied bluntly.
"Why, what do you want to know", Rainbow replied. There was another cyan flash in Rainbow's eyes again.
"Why are your eyes flashing", Spike asked in a serious tone of voice.
"Because I am losing my concetration", Rainbow replied casually, unaware of the trap Spike ha just sprung upon her.
"So you are a changeling?", Spike asked in a more curious tone, like a filly asking for candy.
"Yes, and by tomorrow I willbe running away from her, from my own friends", Rainbow replied darkly.
"Why won't you tell them before hand, to avoid any suspiscion", Spike suggested.
"I don't know - wait a minute, why are you helping me. Aren't you supposed to be terrified of me?", Rainbow asked.
"Because I beleive that you are the real Rainbow Dash not just a phony", Spike responded.
"But you really think they would accept me for who I am?", Rainbow asked unsurely.
"If I know them as well as I think I do, then they would accept you no matter what", Spike replied smiling. He waved good bye before walking off in the direction of the local library. With a renewed confidence she blasted home with ne vigor, and for the first time in days she smiled.
***
The party was better than every Pinkie party combined despite the task at hand. Pinkie Pie had went all out for this one, there were ten different types of cake, five different pies, and mountains of pastries, all of which smelled delicous not that she could taste them however.
Everypony seemed to be having tons of fun due to the emotion coming off. Rarity was enjoying the punch, as Fluttershy and Applejack. Pinkie pie was baking even more sweets for everypony. Her eyes swung over to Twilight who was studying the spell letter by letter. She closed the book before walking over to Pinkie. After their conversation was over Pinkie yelled, "It's now time for Twilight's new spell that she is going to test if it works on us, so gather in the middle of the the room".
Everypony excluding Twilight and Rainbow went to the middle of the room. "Why aren't you going to the middle of the room Dash", Twilight asked sternly. Spike who had also gathered in the middle of the room looked up and nodded.
"I can't Twi", Rainbow said deadplanned.
The shock on Twilights face was evident, "Why aren't you then"
Rainbow swallowed hard and let her discuise go away. A cyan fire spread throughout her body and at one point covered her entire body. Once the flames disappeared it revealed an entirely new form. Her rainbow mane had turned into a blue scale mane. Her wings that once had feathers were now flouresent. She also now sported a new curved horn and holes had formed in her hooves, mane, and tail. Finally, small, sharp teeth were petruding out of her mouth. She looked around at all of the shock faces in the crown which was surpisingly silent.
"Your the changeling", Rarity broke the silence.
"Yes, I have been one my entire life, from flight camp to now", Rainbow responded.
"I just don't believe you, Rainbow can't be a changeling", Applejack deadplanned.
"I'm sorry AJ for lying but I had to, because I thought I was a monster", Rainbow replied.
"I don't believe you either", Twilight said too.
"But I do Twilight", said the only male in the room. "If I believe her, you guys should too. I trust her enough"
"Me too", Fluttershy said softly. Rainbow smiled at her friends support and looked to the other four to do the same.
"I think i do too", Rarity responded.
Applejack and Twilight looked at each other before responding in unision, "Us too".
"Yay, now we get to have two parties. Twilight's new spell party and now Rainbow is a changeling. Yay!". They suddenly broke down laughing. Rainbow sighed a breath of relief, it wasn't the end of the world after all.
***
Dear Princess Celestia
Today I learned that just because you look different that we can't prejudge them. We found out that Rainbow was a changeling, but despite this Spike and the others were able to see the good in her and thus believed her.
Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle
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I'm seeing several spelling/grammatical errors.
For example:
First of all, punctuation after spoken dialogue should be before the closing quotation mark:
well done,"
Second, who is Rariet? I assume you meant Rarity.
Third, 'exlaimed' should be spelled exclaimed.
All of that is just from one line. The rest of the story has a bunch of other errors that you should probably look at in your own time.
...
All right. Now that I've gotten my grammar fix for the day, I'd like to comment on the story itself.
It seems casual enough to merit the "Slice of Life" tag. At the same time, however, the introduced conflict seems to be resolved far too easily. Years of hiding, but Twilight and Applejack immediately drop their suspicions?
*Sees that story is marked Incomplete*
Well, I suppose if you're going to bring in more conflict, that's fine. But, the introduction is supposed to hook the reader. From reading the entirety of the first chapter, I feel no obligation to stick around for the next part.
...
Now I've gotten my overly critical thinking fix for the day.
That's a cool changeling picture of Rainbow Dash. Where'd you find that?
....... I think I can help a teeny bit.
"So you are a changeling?"
I think you meant: "So, are you a changeling?"
"Because I beleive that you are the real Rainbow Dash not just a phony"
'Because, I believe that you are the real Rainbow Dash, not just a phony"
This is only a tiny bit of poor sentence writing.
The spelling was pretty bad, so unfortunately, I'm going to have to give it a thumbs down.
Sorry.
1563928 Art here
I'm not sorry when I say no... just no.
How do I describe this story?
theord.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/thisSucks.png
It's basically just "Forever A Changeling" with horrible grammar and reactions that are far off the mark. After discovering that Rainbow Dash is a changeling, Twilight and Applejack just drop their suspicions in about two minutes without even doing anything to actually prove that it's the real Rainbow Dash? No interrogation? No memory spell? Just going on the word of Spike? *engages sarcasm mode* How in character! *turns of sarcasm mode* You should probably get an editor to help with the grammar and re-watch the show to learn how to write the characters, well, in character. I do like the picture though.
Whut? That's pretty damn distressing, methinks.
I came at this fic in a vengeful mood, I wanted to review what happened to be before me to bits and violate its comment sections with the TWE stamp. And yet...this wasn't so bad, at least at first.
There's a grammatical issues and typos abounding, but nothing a prereader wouldn't catch and none of it is too bad. The idea was decent and the premise, if rushed as most beginning writers to do, was brought in well enough to follow. In short, I was placated from my aimless vindictiveness.
Then I got to the second half of the story.
It's just...no. It might as well have been a "And then they all
ed!" moment. It feels like it's trying - and failing - to be a complete story as it is now. The dialogue could use work, but the true culprit there is characterization. They just up and out are cool with Rainbow Dashling? That's the kind of thing that could be a tens of thousands word fic, with the different characters conflicted and feeling different ways, and dealing with the outing of Dashling in different ways.
There's a reason the letters are written at the end of an episode. It's a way to conclude the storyline, not bait the reader into more.
As it is, what you've written isn't story. It's a good idea, certainly, and good props to you for tackling it, but the execution is as much a story as "Once upon a time happilly ever after the end" is. It's like two pieces of bread pretending to be a sandwich, without actually having anything between them.
I tried to read this, then gave up when I got to this piece of drivel:
If you can't tell what's wrong, then obviously you never paid attention to any book you've ever read, period. The entire thing is worded in such a fucked up manner that I can't even figure out where to begin by my normal means. So I'll just start at the top and work down.
Either "Dear Twilight Sparkle", or "To my most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle". Using "dear" in the way you did creates awkward badness.
Huh? This looks like a botched translation or some crap. I don't even...
Have you not even watched the damn show? Celestia would never refer to the others as "your ponyville friends". Try, "Make sure this information gets to the other Elements". Still somewhat off, but far more believeable.
Capitalize the first word of every sentence. No exceptions. Also, you might want to specify how many years we're talking about. Otherwise... it's just awkward.
Run on sentence runs on.
First off, you never stated up until this point that there was much more than suspicion that a changeling might be in the vicinity of Ponyville. And now Celestia's talking about it like it's complete certainty. Seems legit. Also, wasn't such a spell already used at some point in the season finale? And I don't think that "undiscuise" is a word. If it was though, you can bet that "c" would be a "g".
If there's that much wrong with that letter alone, I cannot read the rest, and noone else should read it either.
i.imgur.com/3lZia.png?1
TWE's Advisory Artillery
asmcint
Oh look, another completely original changeling fic!
members.shaw.ca/sunwukong/frink_sarcasm.gif
I actually feel physically sick from reading this
it could have been soo much more
All characters are extreamily OOC , their reactions could be better too
Oh and I just found my new wallpaper
Thanks for the pic
This could have been better. Not as bad as some are saying, but there is room for improvement.
Grade: C+
I love how this story started out....then after I got to Spike confronting her....i kinda wanted to stop....I didn't....but i wanted to, this could have been longer, and better, but it seemed like at the end you were trying to rush it. If you try to rush a story it's not going to be a good story, you need to take your time with it or it's going to turn into...well...this. Take your time next time and really think it through and it will turn out much better.
god damn that was rushed
when will it be complete i am eager to read more
any word on next chapter?
next chapter?