• Member Since 6th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 27th, 2016

redactedandredacted


Old ass user, probably never finishing my stories cause they suck. If i like something of yours it's probably pretty damned good.

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Zecora has an unfortunate encounter with a demon. Meanwhile, Pinkie thinks she's found the perfect Nightmare Night prank to play on her friends. There are some interesting (read: terrifying) side effects.

A short horror written for Chromosome's Nightmare Night fic contest!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 10 )

Not bad. The build up to the final plot twist is pretty good, and the whole thing does a nice job of being creepy. I'll give it a mustache.
:moustache:

1495753 I appreciate it, sir! There was a fine line here between making things understandable and giving away what would happen. I like to think I hit the right balance (or at least came close).

Well, now THIS is a good story. The end was especially intriguing, although it was a TAD (read: pretty much) predictable. Nevertheless, a delightful little read, complete with evil Zecora, realistic Pinks, and typical heroic Dash (played rather well, if I may say so).

The only issue I can really find with this is the pacing. Although the beginning seems plausible, I'd suggest starting closer to NmN (is that how it's shortened?). Pinkie would likely be able to withstand most of the trip, being pretty much high all the time, and would thus have much shorter recovery time. Also, she's not spontaneous about her pranks, like she would be in the show. It makes sense that they would plan this, being Nightmare Night after all, but I think Pinkie would be a tad more... how to put this... just plain old Pinkie: Never quite sure what she's gonna do until she does it.

Thoroughly satisfying nonetheless,
~InfinityXanadu :twilightsmile::raritywink:

F'naa.

This needs the [horror] tag, not the [dark] tag. It's fairly benign, but [dark] is not right at all. Unfortunately, [horror] does not exist here.

I didn't particularly like it. But it was short, so whatever.

1501266 Okay, yeah, but you're supposed to know what's going to happen. Think of every horror movie - you're practically screaming at the characters "Don't open that door you stupid bitch!" but of course they do anyways. Here it's the same thing. "Pinkie! They're real!" but of course she doesn't react that way.

Anyways, if you really think it's a good idea, it'd be really easy to change a few number words so this all happens in a day as opposed to three.

1501652 Your dissenting opinion has been noted. I know this is an annoying question, but I have to ask - What didn't you like about it? What DID you, if anything?

Also you're quite right, this isn't really a dark fic at all. But Dark is as close as we have to Horror on this site.

1501862
True, true. Though, you did apparently make a conscious effort to disguise the final plot twist, so I was just wondering if I wasn't supposed to know.

The timeframe shouldn't be too much of a problem; I don't really know though, so just go with what you think is right.
~InfinityXanadu :twilightsmile::raritywink:

1501862 Well, I'm going to have to be brutally honest here: It felt kinda stupid and rushed. [[paranoid parser: that's "kinda (stupid and rushed)"; not "kinda stupid, and rushed"]] The rushed I understand, I saw the contest announcement a week or so ago and a one-week deadline doesn't leave much room for work. The other... I'm not touching that head-on.

My (possibly underinformed) belief is that really good (okay, probably best) horror has you on the edge of your seat a fair amount of the time, probably right up to the end -- the [horror] equivalent of a really good [tragedy] (stuff like West Side Story, for reference). Really, really good horror (best of best) would have 'dark' as well, there part of the horror comes from the potential in every person to reach these depths. Not that this is necessarily even trying for 'good' horror, but it felt kind of flat.
[[Part of me feels I should point out I'm more of the psychological horror persuasion, but another part of me argues that that's supposed to be what's going on here -- Pinkie Pie had no idea what she was doing to her friends up until like the last two paragraphs. Either way, I'm not getting 'the horrorz' here.]]

Hmm... It was technically well-written? You asked, and so I'm answering, but I'm kinda grasping at straws. This didn't 'stick' with me at all, I'm kinda like "okay, whatever, NEXT"; but your grammar and spelling were fine.

1503266 Ah, well this is the result of about three hours worth of work in total. I'm not very good, so it's hard for me to come up with an M. Night Shyamalan plot twist in that time frame.

1504131 I won't really try to defend myself here. I understand where you're coming from, andI guess a lot of people arent very frightened by descriptive nonsense. I wrote a story that would scare me. Might not have been the best strategy for a contest fic, but alas.

Thanks very much for the feedback. Chances are I won't be returning to horror anytime soon, but if I do at some point, I'll try and remember all this.

1505492 For comparision's sake, you might try the campfire/sleepover story in SS&E's hiccups. Storywise, it's similar calibre to this, but I think it worked a lot better.

1505492
I might have to agree with you on the contest thing, however those kind of stories do tend to be very interesting to read six weeks after writing them!
~InfinityXanadu

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