After a party with some friends Chris and his friends are walking home when a large dark purple cloud shoots from the sky and hits them, next thing he knows he's in a forest with a strange blue unicorn pony. He must search to find the reason for his sudden residency in Equestria.
Adventure awaits!
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To anyone interested, I should have the second chapter up tonight.
I would like to ask you, why did you write this? Note the neutrality of that statement.
1366315
I don't really know, I enjoy being part of the fandom, plus I guess I just felt like writing.
1366329
That is a good enough reason to write in my opinion.
1366346
Hey, you know, I figured it would be as good of a reason as any!
1366343 I completely understand. That being said... Did you consciously decide to make a story that follows all the wrong stereotypes about amateur pony writers?
Like, let me be clear here, there's nothing wrong with your writing, aside from a few punctuation errors. It's just, an HiE story where the protagonist wakes up in the Everfree forest? It almost feels like you're TRYING to conform to stereotypes. It's very unoriginal.
1366392
I actually did consider that. I did see that as being a problem, but at that point I was just too tired to think of a way around how I wanted my storyline to go. I'm sure that once my next chapter is up you might see some divergence between this and other HiE stories. Honestly, I am an amateur pony writer, and my punctuation was never very good (As my past English and Composition teachers would certainly agree
). I just decided that I'd try my hand at writing you know?
Edit: If I plan to keep the story up I do think that I would need a pre-reader/proofreader.
1366392
That's kinda harsh.
1366425
Try Proofreaders and People willing to Proofread, Proofreading Prereading and Editing, or Author Support.
1366425 Good stories don't just happen like that, they require a lot of thought. By all means, continue to write this story. I just want to tell you that I think your talents and efforts would be much better used by writing something less trope-y. The good news is, you CAN do that. I like the dialogue in this story, it's funny and lively, despite the subject matter. That's why I'm telling you that this story is unoriginal - you could be doing better.
1366426 I don't mean to put this fine fellow down. Criticism is criticism, it's not a personal attack. Considering that this story is decently written and mostly devoid of errors, that's like half of what you need to get in the featured box right there. This just doesn't seem like a good idea. Anyways, I'll still offer my apologies if I come off as offensive.
Edit: Well, what do you know. It DID make the featured box. Impressive!
1366463
Sorry, I guess I'm kinda jumpy. I just came from a story from a first time writer that got down-voted into oblivion amid "reviewers" who kept calling the writer stupid.
What happened to love and tolerate?
out of curiosity, why do you use ' instead of " ?
1366477
Um, where?
1366477 It's just a style thing. Presumably it has something to do with American vs British English.
1366529 ok 1366495 when the people/pony's talk
Edit 1: this is your first story? it's pretty good
'
1366570
Yes, this is my first, but I'm not reassured about it's quality due to the number of down votes.
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSniTvq7zSI5V_ulcYUTOg0s6GLkS5vUd6sl256tkQWutJXpCNs
We are watching
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSniTvq7zSI5V_ulcYUTOg0s6GLkS5vUd6sl256tkQWutJXpCNs
We know
This is featured.....
1367324
Dabuck?
1367328 It's on my featured bar...
I shall read this story later.... Somehow it's on featured ........
1367343
Let's watch the down votes rise, shall we?
1367352 I don't know... I promised myself to read this after work today which is about 7 hours.
1367352
dont give up on writing if thats what you want to do!
dont be so negative about it... think positive? you got featured which means you can get more people to look at your work and give you GOOD AND HELPFUL advice on what to do on your second try. You shouldnt be thrashed upon for posting your work and recieve alot of downvotes when you were honestly just trying to write a story because you wanted to, its not like you were trying to bother or offend people right? Instead you should be shown support and help when there are probably plenty of others who didnt even attempt at writing because they didntthink that they could create something good, you however still went ahead and gave it a shot so kudos to you for trying! hope your future works turn out for the better
If its your first don't worry you'll get better trust me
Okay, so don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know how this got Featured with as many downvotes as it got. Nothing to do with quality (I ain't read it yet), I just thought the system worked different.
I'll add this to my massive, massive list of fics to read, and I'll give critique once I've read it.
Honestly, pretty bad beginning. It was pretty generic (although it was funny) and it wasn't really plot revealing.
for effort.
However....it sounds very interesting. following on presumptions
btw. don't let mostly negative comments like mine let ya down. I just noticed something that could be improved upon next time.
keep writing dude!
1367473
I was much more bewildered. Trust me
1367471
Thanks for the encouragement!
1367446
Hard to see all that support through that big ole bar of red lol. Thank you though!
The concept of this story is interesting at the very least. I don't know if I've seen it done before. I'll follow it for as long as it can hold my interest. For now, have a thumbs up and a favorite.
1367645
Much appreciated. I will do my best.
Interesting twist having gender and species flipped versions of the wayward brony meet up like that. Things are looking up, plot wise. :) (Nooo not that way ya pervs..
)
Now the big mystery to me is are they from two different alternate realities, or did he trip out so badly before the magic meteor hit that his Anima/Animus split into two ponies? This little mystery is gonna keep me watching this for now. :)
(and before anypony asks, The Anima and Animus are the female and male portions of everyone that are deep in every mind. A websearch might turn up enough of the latest research to satisfy the curious.)
It's decently written, I'll be watching to see where this goes. Honestly I don't see why there are so many downvotes.
No it's not great, but neither is my first attempt. Keep writing, keep improving, and prove the downvoters wrong I guess.
Away with you red bar.
*Adds a like and a fav*
There we go looks a bit better.
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/typiesmall.gif?1311685964
You see this? ""? Use them for God sake. Also, this is just gross. I don't want to say anything else. Good day.
Fixed my apparent punctuation problem...
wow... i really liked this one....simple yet deep, striking yet shallow and very very hooking.... looking forward to more!
How did this get featured? I mean, I haven't read it yet or anything, so I have no idea how good this is (or isn't). But I'm fairly certain having more downvotes than upvotes should, uh, make it near impossible to be featured.
Apparently, though, that's not the case. So confused... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png
1367992
It appears to be le bug.
1368023
At one point it had a decent number of ups, but there was a sudden influx of downs.
Idiot haters, nothing more. Just ignore them.
Still, this worries me. You have the potential, but like others said before me, it seems a waste to use them on a fic like this. I suppose you could say that a HiE is sort of like the first thing any fic writer is expected to do, but... Then again, I'm being hypocritical, my first fic was a HiE. Shipping, at that.
ANYWAY, I shall track this, though how long I do that for just depends on a) how much depth the characters have, b) what happens, c) and whether or not the quality remains the same.
Don't worry, Princess Celestia is sending a chariot to pick you up. There is a process for this kind of thing, it happens all the time.
bam, balanced votes! wa-ha!
oh, shit. if i were this guy i would totally romance myself
First chapter was pretty good I think. The humor and fast pace (to reach the part we're here for) mostly makes up for it's generic execution. Second chapter brought an interesting twist I haven't seen before, so bonus points for that.
One thing I don't much like is how fast they adjusted to their brand new bodies. Most people don't want to watch someone learn to walk, but it's been like ten minutes and they're already running like the wind and flying like a pro. Pegasi attend flight camp and unicorns have specific schools to learn magic (magic kindergarten). I know you want to do stuff with your characters soon, but learning things like flying and magic would need some time.
I have a couple tips if you want them:
1) Slow down a bit, the journey is half the fun.
2) Start introducing a plot (one that is more than *meet ponies-->live happily ever after* would be nice.)
3) Please try to avoid at least some of the big cliches.
4) Chris out flying RD and/or Christina out magicking Twilight. Don't do it. I just don't see that ending well no matter how you spin it. They really shouldn't even be in the same league.
That's all I have for now. I'll keep an eye on this for a bit, see how it goes.
1368223
Well, one could say the new bodies come with muscle memory. Or the muscle memory for bipedal locomotion was altered to fit quadrupedal locomotion. Unless specifically stated, though, yeah, it's too fast.
Yeah, some sort of plot. Even a simple one like trying to find a job and various (and hilarious) cock-ups.
Oh yeah. Cliches are bad. Unless you plan on parodying them. Even then, be careful.
1368223
1. Oh I'm trying to lol
2. coming soon
3. I will try my best.
4. I hate those sooo much.
Yeah, the speed with which they adjusted was a tad overboard. I just figured it would be good for progression, as you said, no one wants 2000 words talking about learning to fly.
1368185
Never said it was an alicorn. I hate OP BS. I just hate how people see thie and they're like ' HiE, it's gotta be about some OP corny hero dude. Let's tank it!' Without even giving it a shot.
1368261
If you only show bits and pieces of it, it tends to work well.
Man, this is weird. A fic with a 50-50 like/dislike ratio, and all of the comments are either praise or constructive criticism? THIS IS NOT HOW THE INTERNET IS MEANT TO WORK.
That being said, I'll give it a read and get back to you.
FAKEDIT: And again, total agreeance. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TONIGHT, INTERNET?! Anyway, I have the same feelings as everyone else. A bit cliche and some pacing issues, but solid writing and concept.
The Internet is not meant to have this much friendship and tolerance. Not even on pony sites. WHAT IS HAPPENING