• Member Since 31st May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 13th, 2013

Daffodil


I pre-read for EqD, forward emails for EqD, and might write a fanfic one day!

Comments ( 14 )

So after a long day of doing absolutely nothing my brain was like "Hey, you should write a dramatic monologue."

And I did.

Well, I liked it.
And now I'll be imagening all sorts of backstorys.

As far as your ability as a writer-- I'm moderately impressed. Pathos is not a problem for you. You don't overdo it, and yet it still packs the punch you require from it. The emotional aspect is solid.


However.... hm. This feels incomplete. I do get the idea that this is more a bit of personal reflection than anything else, but even as that, this is all a bit unfinished feeling.


That being said, I still enjoyed it. Upvote despite the problems I have. Not too bad.



(up the Solar Empire btws.)

Sooooooo-
Where's the rest of it?
Like, this obviously has a truck-load of backstory...Where is it?

Wow... Celestia goes and tries to supplant the Mane 6, they in return stone her, then later simply destroy her? Interesting, but rather left-field, even with your Twilight's diatribe.

1487362 1487364
I totally get where you're coming from, though I don't know if there's much I can do to fix it. The details of the backstory are left intentionally vague to give the reader something to chew on -- I'm not the biggest fan of stories explicitly stating everything. My intent was to give the reader a brief glimpse into this pseudo-headcanon-future viewed through Twilight's eyes and use the little hints she drops to put together the rest of the story. That said, if you feel that wasn't clear, I've done something wrong as an author. My one fear is that if I expand this, the impact at the end will be lost and it'll become just another "lol da eoh are evil" story.

1488068
Rather than 'The Elements have gone evil" I took it as yet another "Dictator Celestia"/Rise of the Lunar Republic, if for no other reason than I had seen a very interesting and thought out Lunar Republic VS. Celestia video not too long ago.
It's a very interesting idea, as I was sure it was either Tia talking to Discord, or Twilight challenging him about the Elements of chaos, so when i hit that last line it was a complete "WTF" moment that had me scrolling back and trying to figure it out.
Either way, I found it worth the time to read, whether Mind Screw or Dramatic Monologue XD

THE END HAD ME LIKE DERRRRRRRRRR . SORRY MY "ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE" BUTTON IS STUCK

Eh... I get what you were aiming for, but I don't really think it hit as hard as it could've. After a certain point, the ambiguity became a distraction, I feel.

Benman
Site Blogger

You know, at first I thought that the mix of first and second person couldn't possibly work, but by the end I wasn't even noticing it. Nice work, there.

Still, I'm gonna have to echo everyone else—this is most of a really good story, but there's something missing. Specifically, I think it's missing a conflict. By the end, nothing has changed. Twilight hasn't made any decisions or come to terms with anything. You tell us about the cool stuff that happened before, but don't show us any cool stuff happening now. Maybe you could've made this a story about Twilight struggling with the decision to destroy the statue, or maybe you could've changed the frame entirely and set it during the big confrontation? Something like that would let us feel the conflict, whereas now we're just hearing Twilight describe it.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

>mfw Daffodil writes fic

I liked this. I've seen a lot of stories of a similar vein, but this one packs a little extra something that I think works. I was somewhat disappointed that I figured out the identity of the statue -- first thinking it was Discord, then one of the Elements, then realizing the truth about halfway through -- but that disappeared when, at the end, I realized I couldn't be sure of the identity of the narrator. You say it's Twilight in the comments, but I think this could also be the Element of Magic from before Twilight. (Right?) And that is very clever.

2246379
I agree, I like the ambiguity to the identity of the narrator. Even by the end, I was not confident it if was Twilight, or rather her predecessor.

While at parts I felt the story was a bit to vague / missed "something" (as mentioned by others), I really enjoyed this story, as it leaves much to the imagination to the reader, while providing a solid conclusion.

Here via 2246379's latest recommendation blog. (PP y u reread this a year later)

Daaang. I missed the hints pointing to the ending twist and had to reread it after hitting that last line. Well constructed.

I probably should have twigged to it with the "lovers" reference, given that the character icon on the story description was something of a meta-spoiler, but making imitation Elements and promising them power just sounds so much like a plausible Discord thing to do.

I'll disagree with 1637898; this has no conflict arc, but I think it works as is, for similar reasons to Cold in Gardez' Lost Cities. It's painting a picture of a moment in time: the conflicts that came before and the emotions that those created.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

3903067
Because I needed to read something of Daff's even though he left the fandom yonks ago. :B

Login or register to comment