AN; for the remainder of this story hippogriffs will be described as griffs. I’d pick hippo, but that doesn’t sound very menacing.
Another name for this chapter is spot all the references...
Edited by TacoTown and Furta E
Chapter five
Twilight Sparkle walked out of the negotiations room with a sigh. Nothing had been accomplished… again! Celestia walked beside her with an equal air of annoyance. However, the much older alicorn was much better at not showing it, and only the tell-tale swish of her ethereal tail displayed her growing aggravation.
“Absolutely ridiculous.” Twilight muttered.
“Well my dear, they both want to kill one another. Did you expect this to go easily?” Celestia asked softly.
“No, but I thought that they could manage to at least try and pretend to be working towards a solution.” Twilight replied with a scowl.
“Princess Celestia! We have a situation!” A guard shouted as he approached the two mares.
“What is it, Private Rain?” Celestia asked the pegasus as he stopped breathlessly in front of the two.
“There’s been a fight down at the Broken Shield! Something about a biped singing drunkenly and causing property damage while covered in blood!” Private Rain said as he gasped for breath.
“I’m going to kill him! He had one job!” Twilight shouted before she vanished in a flash.
“Thank you for the news Private, now report to your commander.” Celestia told the pegasus before, with a sigh, she vanished too.
***
Earlier that evening…
Ethan walked into the bar, and then experienced the feeling that anyone who has strode into a bar loudly without thinking about how hard they opened the door experiences. That experience was the feeling of having every single pony, and other assorted races, in the bar staring at him, waiting for an explanation as to why he was standing there letting the thrice damned cold air in like an idiot.
“Oops, my bad, guys. I didn’t know how light the door was…” Ethan said, trailing off with an apologetic look on his face.
“Then shut the door and get a drink already!” Everyone in the bar yelled simultaneously. Ethan smirked and walked through the doorway, followed closely by Brighteyes who politely shut the door behind them. Everyone returned to what they’d been doing, and the band began to play again.
Much to Ethan’s surprise the band consisted of a satyr. A creature that was a human from the waist up and a goat from the waist down, who was playing a set of reed pipes like a pro and dancing jig at the same time. It also consisted of an extremely annoyed looking cow in a black suit singing, and a griffin playing drums. Even more surprising was the fact that they were playing what sounded like Irish pub rock, , they also somehow found a way to make produce the sound of a guitar and several other instruments at the same time. Anywhere else and Ethan may have questioned it, here he just shrugged and made his way to the counter.The large red minotaur standing behind the counter eyed him once and then smiled.
“So what’ll you be having, friend?” The minotaur asked as he polished a mug with a cloth, like every single bartender in existence.
“Hmm… I don’t know, I’m new in town. What can you suggest?” Ethan asked with a grin.
“Well that depends. Do you want to get shitfaced, drunk, or buzzed?” The minotaur asked with a chuckle.
“I’ll take option number two please.” Ethan told him. The minotaur nodded before turning to Brighteyes.
“The same as always, Mac. Oh, and he’s with me.” Brighteyes said with a shrug as he laid a few bits on the counter. The minotaur nodded and scooped up the bits before filling up two large mugs to the top with foamy alcohol and passing them to the two. Ethan took a swig and a grin immediately appeared on his face.
“This stuff is great!” Ethan told the Mac the minotaur, who nodded with a grin.
“I’m glad you like it, it’s my own recipe. It’s ale by the way.” Mac replied with a grin before he left the two to drink.
“So where do you want to go next?” Brighteyes asked Ethan, who shrugged.
“You know, I like it here. I think we should probably stay a while.” Ethan replied.
“Works for me.” Brighteyes replied with a shrug before taking another drink.
“Hey you! The one in the weird coat! Come over here, I want to talon wrestle you!” A rather drunk sounding griffin shouted at Ethan.
“Bring it on, feathers!” Ethan shouted back as he pushed off of the bar and began to walk purposely towards the griffins with his mug of ale held loosely in his left hand.
“Oh sweet merciful Luna!” Brighteyes sighed before he took off after his companion.
Ethan sat down at the round table opposite the griffin, who was a rather large brown specimen. The griffin plopped his left elbow up on the table, offering Ethan the use of his right hand. Ethan smiled and gladly accepted the offer by placing his right elbow on the table and extending his hand. The griffin took the hand and the shook quickly before they began to strain against one another. During this time, the table had gained quite a crowd who had gathered round to see what the new guy could do.
Ethan’s arm descended towards his side of the table under the strength of the griffin’s power. The onlookers began to become disappointed as it looked like the newcomer was going to lose in a matter of seconds. That disappointment disappeared after the first minute of watching the griffin attempt to force Ethan’s hand onto the table. Ethan’s hand stayed unmoving four inches above the table and a large smirk crossed his face, infuriating the griffin to new levels of drunken frustration.
“Can I start now?” Ethan inquired as he nonchalantly took a drink from his mug with his free hand.
“Be my guest.” The griffin said angrily as he struggled to move Ethan’s hand. Ethan’s hand suddenly shot forward, taking the griffin’s with him until it was merely an inch above the table.
Then, with the tenderness of a family member, Ethan slowly touched the back of the griffin’s hand to the table. The onlookers let out a wild whoop of excitement, and Ethan got up and bowed before heading back towards the bar. He was interrupted halfway there by the chair which suddenly crashed into his back, splintering into several pieces. Ethan turned slowly to see the griffin, looking very confused at the sight of his opponent still standing. A wide smile crossed Ethan’s face.
The band suddenly began to play another song.
“Oh, this is going to be fun!” Ethan shouted before he charged the griffin. The bar, as all bars do, erupted into wild cheers before the inhabitants threw themselves at each other with eager abandon.
Ethan reached the griffin and sent a punch flying into the side of the birdlike cheek. The griffin fell backwards, but reached out and grabbed Ethan, taking the man with him and throwing him into the wall with a wild laugh. Ethan landed head first, but it didn’t keep him down and he was back on his feet seconds later, now armed with a chair.
Brighteyes was busy ducking under thrown beer mugs and keeping a group of extremely drunk earth ponies from shattering his jaw with extremely uncoordinated, if extremely powerful, punches.
Ethan smashed the chair into the griffin’s head, shattering it. But the griffin shrugged it off and punched Ethan in the stomach, sending the man stumbling backwards. Then, a large purple minotaur made a punch at the griffin who dodged to the left and sent an undercut to the minotaur’s jaw… and did absolutely nothing. The griffin was forced to retreat as the minotaur advanced. Suddenly, Ethan jumped onto the minotaur’s back and brought his fist crashing down against the back of the minotaur’s head sending it crashing to the ground. The griffin and Ethan nodded to each other respectfully before they reached for their next weapons; if anyone was going to hurt their dance partners it would be the two themselves.
Nearby, Brighteyes was standing back to back with a sky-blue blonde pegasus mare as the two fought off a group of attackers who were utilizing barstools.
“So-” The mare began as she ducked underneath an incoming stool and punched the opposing mare in chest sending. “-after this is over why don’t we go back to my place and bang?”
“I feel like I know you from somewhere.” Brighteyes replied as he kicked a stallion in the balls.
“Well, I am very famous.” The mare replied with a chuckle.
Ethan’s ale mug sailed into the griffin’s face, covering him with the potent alcohol. But he didn’t seem to notice that so much as he noticed the waste of such good ale.
“Why did you go and do that? That was perfectly good ale!” The griffin shouted in rage before he tackled Ethan and crashed the man into the ground.
Ethan responded by kneeing the griffin in the stomach, sending the winged creature flying into the ceiling. Ethan rolled to his feet just in time to avoid the griffin, who smashed into the floor fist first. Ethan struck out with his fist and nailed the griffin in the chest with a punch that sent him reeling to the side.
“I’ve got it! We went to Westhoof together!” Brighteyes shouted as he evaded a thrown mug.
“Yep. So, want to bang?” The mare asked with a chuckle before she sent a griffin to the ground with one punch.
“Sure, but first I’ve got to get that guy over there home safe.” Brighteyes replied with a smile on his face as he shook his head at Ethan.
The two combatants were growing weary of their fight at this point, and turned to the only thing that there was left to do. They each grabbed another mug of ale from a nearby table, downed them in one quick gulp, simultaneously smashed their mugs against the tables with a matching crash, and set off to find someone else for them to fight.
Three black hippogriffs entered the bar and were quickly caught off guard by what they saw; and then they exchanged an eager glance and charged into the fray with loud shrieks of excitement. Ethan looked up in time to see the one of the large hippogriffs charging him, and quickly rolled to the side letting the griff pass easily before rolling back to his feet and sending his leg whipping out at the griff who was charging again, catching it in the chin. The griff laughed and sent one of its rear hooves slamming into Ethan’s chest, causing the man to stagger.
His griffin companion leapt to his defense and unleashed a magnificent combo that ended with an uppercut. Ethan could’ve sworn that he saw flames trailing the punch, although that could’ve just been a combination of the ale and the slight concussion that he was developing. The griff was thrown off his rear hooves, and Ethan’s griffin ally steadied Ethan with a free talon. Ethan nodded his thanks before turning to find that a black insectiod creature with glowing blue eyes was diving at him. Ethan was immediately reminded of his rather traumatic first encounter with cazadors (A word to the wise. Don’t charge into a cazador nest naked on a bet. It hurts… a lot.), and grabbed the creature by the skull in midair. He then smashed its head into a nearby table, causing the creature to go limp in his hands.
Unbeknownst to Ethan, changelings had been admitted to Canterlot on the provision that they didn’t do anything illegal such as feed on non-consenting ponies, not that he would’ve cared much at the moment. What he would’ve been interested in however was the fact that changelings travel in groups of ten.
“What the hell?” Ethan said in surprise as nine copies of one of the nearby mares charged him simultaneously. Ethan then did the only thing that someone can do when being charged by nine identical female clones. “So which one of you is the prettiest?” He asked them. They all stopped, completely stunned.
“I am, obviously.” The lead mare said confidently.
“No, I am!” Another shouted as it charged the lead changeling. All nine identical mares were soon very much preoccupied.
“Works every time.” Ethan said with a smirk before he turned to find his griffin ally being attacked by the two remaining griffs. Ethan charged one from behind, and landed on top of it as they fell to the floor. The griff slashed out with one taloned fist, tearing through the front of Ethan’s riot gear and drawing a few drops of blood. “How the hell did that happen?” Ethan asked the griff, who shrugged and punched the man in the face.
"This is getting ridiculous!” Brighteyes shouted as he smashed a mug into an oncoming foe’s skull.
“I hope you have energy left after this.” The mare commented with a chuckle.
Ethan responded to the punch to the face by slamming his elbow into the griff’s chest, and was rewarded by a surprised outpouring of breath. Ethan rolled off of the griff and leapt back to his feet, only to be thrown to the ground again thanks to the body of his griffin ally landing on him. The last remaining hippogriff walked towards them; he was much bigger than the other two and was currently grinning wildly.
“Do you think we can take him?” the griffin asked Ethan.
“Hell the fuck yes!” Ethan said with a wild grin of his own as he helped his ally back to his paws and charged the large griff. The griff didn’t seem to be expecting the head on charge, and he was obviously taken by surprise as Ethan’s fist slammed into his chest. The griffin followed this up by sending one his leonine paws kicking into the griff’s stomach, sending it toppling over backwards, but not before the griff’s front claws swept out wildly looking for support. The claws tore into Ethan’s riot gear reducing the front to shreds, much to Ethan’s grief, along with tearing open several large gashes across Ethan’s chest that began to leak blood.
The band finished playing and the bar fell silent. All the other fighters besides Brighteyes and the mare were now unconscious, leaving Ethan and the griffin standing panting in the center of the mess.
“Ethan.” Ethan said, extending his hand to the griffin.
“Gyvon.” The griffin replied with a chuckle.
“Nice to meet you.” Ethan told him
“And you too, let’s do this again sometime.” Gyvon said, inclining his head
“Yeah, you name the time and the place, I’ll be there.” Ethan replied with a smile.
“You know, we should probably go befor-” Brighteyes began before there was a bright flash of light and Twilight Sparkle flashed into existence in front of Ethan, and she was PISSED!
“Hey, Sparky, what’s up?” Ethan asked while his chest healed.
“Ethan, please shut up; I’m about five seconds from throwing you off the mountain.” Twilight requested with that kind of calm voice that when most people hear it their brain start to tell them to shut the hell up. Ethan being Ethan, he completely ignored that part of his brain.
“Geeze, Sparky, you look a little mad at the moment.” Ethan commented as he reached for one last mug of ale that had somehow managed not to be drained, shattered, or used as a weapon and took a drink.
“Mad, you think I’m mad? No Ethan, I’m not mad, I’m absolutely FURIOUS!” Twilight shouted as purple light began to flow around her body. Whatever would’ve come next was stopped as Celestia appeared in a flash of white, looked around herself for a second, sighed, and then tapped Twilight gently on the forehead with her horn. The purple unicorn crumbled to her knees and Celestia tenderly levitated her onto her back before turning back to Ethan and Gyvon.
“Ethan, I’m going to be confining you to the palace until further notice. Griffin, I don’t know you so leave before I do. As for you Sergeant Brighteyes, I expected better fr- is that Cloudkicker?” Celestia asked, suddenly cutting herself off.
“Yep, want to bang?” The mare standing next to Brighteyes asked.
“I’m spoken for already, thanks though; I take it that you’re taking him home with you?” Celestia asked gesturing towards Brighteyes.
“That’s the plan.” Cloudkicker replied.
“Have fun then.” Celestia told them before turning back to Ethan. “Anyways, Ethan, you’re being confined to the palace until I declare otherwise”
“Alright, I’m fine with that.” Ethan replied with a grin then he turned back to the bar where Mac was calmly cleaning a glass. “Thanks Mac!” Ethan called before he, Celestia, and Twilight disappeared leaving four conscious people in the bar. There was a moment of awkward silence before Gyvon marched over to Mac and said.
“I’ll have three mugs of ale for myself and my friends here; I think we’re going to need it.”
“Yep.” Mac replied simply as he began to fill the mugs.
Some notes on this chapter
Yes Gyvon I did use your name, it really is (in my opinion) a great name for a griffin, you’re also the reason why this story exists at all so there’s that too.
Oh and all the furniture in the bar is enchanted to be easily breakable along with magically putting itself back together once the fighting is over
This chapter...
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1542182 that's one awesome bare party.
you stole my line. i use ferocity to counter madness. also was there a quest that involved fighting identical female clones?
Cloudkicker...
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Yeah... She always did have a way with words.
That music really added to the whole scene.
Well done good sir, well done.
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Someone should tell Twilight that Ethan didn't start it.
I seriously want to see Ethan's way of wasteland life bring an end to the hostilities. Or him and sparky go on an epic quest involving lots of fighting. Both would be awesome.
I dunno 'bout that Irish punk. Only songs I really like in that genre are Salty Dog and Kilburn High Road. I listened to Ballroom Blitz instead.
Ah, the old barroom brawl, a tradition anywhere the irish are and if you ever end up in one be sure to buy the other blokes who are concious a drink at the end of the night. 'tis only tradition. Been in a few myself, learned the fun way that you don't have to be big to hold your own, just agile.
i have read this somewhere else before just cant remember where but once again a great read see ya at the next update
Hmm...A satyr, a cow in a business suit and a griffin are the band here...you wouldn't happen to be a fan of the Chessverse would you?
Excellent chapter by the way, I can see how Ethan's violent comraderie approach will probably do more for diplomacy than the pony's 'let's hug it out' approach.
In my head Twilight will be saying "How could you do this? Blah blah blah." And Ethan just points out that he didn't even shoot anyone...
Anyway, good chapter, more soon!
1543563
Maybe....
Well there goes one of my later chapter ideas for Two Wastelanders.
Ah well, you probably pulled it off better than I would have.
Great chapter. But whats up with that Big Mac-otaur?
If you need a backup proofreader, I'm available.
1544094
Na it wasn't really his fault, mostly it was because Taco was busy for two days and then once I got it back I sent it to him and waited a day without any word. I'm kinda impatient so i uploaded it without the second string of edits which have now been added
1544078
Ever read Dresden, you're thinking the wrong Mac
1544114I've never read the Dresden Files, and I figured that was the wrong mac. I was just going off of his description. Big, red, named Mac, and all he said at the end of the chapter was "Yep".
still wondering why you didn't use "Saints and Sinners".
1545235
I reserve the right to make song choices however I want, although I will remember your suggestion and file it away for later
1545769also, for any scene where negotiations break down into a brawl, i suggest "Revolution".
1545808
Makes sense, make sure you suggest that for whichever chapter it's in, oh and did you get 6?
1545813check your PM's
Well I have gotten a really great chuckle out of this and I cant wait for more to be added. Oh the magic of violence always has a way of bringing the most violent of people together in mutual harmony. *sigh* Why can no one ever see that?
Haha the shear chaos of the barroom brawl clearly brought out the best in Ethan
also hipogriphs can cut right though riot amour?! that nothing to be trifled
Thanks for another great update and for linking to such a good band.
Kiss me im shitfaced
I actually thought of a long version of the fiddle in The Devil Went Down To whatever song during the bar fight.
This story is friggin' awesome by the way!
Well there's the obvious Cloudkicker the Winning Pony reference. Mac the bartender is definitely referencing the Dresden Files. Beyond that, I've got nothing.
1543186
That almost sounds like it would be something out of Discworld.
i found that this song is an acceptable alternative
damn you and your taste in Irish pub music! I can't stop listening!
Wow, that was an awesome bar fight.I could stop laughing as I heard the music.
Hippopotamus also know as 'hippos have the highest body count of any large animal in the world. I think that the name hippo is menacing enough.
First link is dead.
"“Yep, want to bang?”"
And Cloudkicker the Ponyville nympho makes her appearance now.:)
His griffin companion leapt to his defense and unleashed a magnificent combo that ended with an uppercut. Ethan could’ve sworn that he saw flames trailing the punch FALCON PUNCH!
5372672
I was gonna call it a Shoryuken, but that works.
When Celestia called Cloudkicker out I could HEAR the deadpan from here
You've never met a hippo, have you?
5372672 hadouken actually falcon punch is a jab
I know this story is incredibly ancient but I had to comment on this after anyways. First off that combo the Griffin used strikes me very familiar To the one Alex from Streets of Rage 2 uses. No pun intended. Numero dos your first two links are broken, again I know this is an old chapter but I'm a huge fan of Flogging Molly And I like accompanying music with the stories that i read. On a side note I went and saw them this year it was fucking awesome.
Well bang ok?
This was a fun chapter. Whats a good story without a good bar fight. heheh
Damn, now I cant stop thinking of this song
During the fight, I was listening to this song