Chapter 21
By the way don't forget to check out Ethan's Tumblr
Edited by TacoTown
Chapter 21
A sudden loud, but distant bang caused every head in the room to turn towards the door to the outside world, even Ethan who was still blindfolded.
“What was that?” Blueblood asked. There were several loud, bloodcurdling screams, along with several loud thumps as bodies were smashed into walls.
“I’d guess that Sparky is here. And judging from the sound, she’s on a warpath.” Ethan replied with a chuckle. Blueblood turned back to Ethan.
“I’ll kill you before your little unicorn can get here.” He said in a low voice.
“No. You won’t.” Ethan replied with a grin as he slipped his arms out of their loose binds, followed by his feet.
He landed on his face but was up and moving before Blueblood had a chance to react. Ethan’s right leg shot out and slammed into Blueblood’s chest, knocking him off balance and causing him to rear up on his back legs. Ethan’s next kick ended up in a fairly predictable place when given such an opportunity, and Blueblood fell to the ground wheezing in pain. He then removed his blindfold. Light assaulted his eyes but they quickly adjusted. The room he was in could’ve been found in a pre-war country club and was posh, well lit, and decorated quite nicely. Well, except or the metal dip in the floor over which Ethan had been hanging, which was stained by his blood. As his eyes scanned the room he caught sight of several nobles who were frozen, staring at him.
“I know that I’m handsome, but it’s really very impolite to stare.” Ethan told them with a smirk.
Twilight burst into the room seconds later, her mane was literally on fire and her eyes were glowing purple beacons of magical energy. Kane was also standing with her, although he was making sure to place himself several feet away from her. The cat’s fur was standing on end, and seemed to be rippling as waves of magic washed over it, much to his easily apparent annoyance.
“Hey Sparky, glad you could make it.” Ethan said with a chuckle as he dodged a feeble tackle from Blueblood and simultaneously tripped the stallion, who smashed face first into the pit where Ethan’s blood was being stored. He emerged spluttering and coughing.
“Ethan, thank Celestia you’re alive.” Twilight said with a sigh of relief.
“Sparky, I’m honestly offended that you thought that this little prick and his crowd of crows could kill me.” Ethan said as he jerked his thumb at the other nobles in the room, who were still frozen in shock.
“You can’t just disappear like this; honestly I thought that you might be out killing your way through half of Canterlot when I first heard that you’d disappeared.” The purple unicorn said in mock exasperation.
“Sorry Sparky, but the temptation was just too much for me to resist when this idiot’s henchmen stormed into my room at 2 a.m. and talked about what he was going to do to me.” Ethan replied with a nod towards Blueblood, who had regained his hooves.
Instead of charging at Ethan, Blueblood’s horn began to glow and Ethan suddenly stiffened in pain. He slowly reached around and pulled the newly bloodied dagger out of the small of his back with a look of shock on his face. He held the dagger in his hand for a second before his eyes dulled and he limply flopped to the ground. Twilight stared in shock at Ethan’s fallen body while Blueblood cheered.
“I DID IT, I KILLED HIM!” The prince shouted.
“Actually no, I’m just fucking with you.” Ethan said with a smirk on his face as he regained his feet.
“ARGH!” Blueblood shouted before he threw himself at Ethan, only to be caught in midair by Twilight’s purple magic. She then slammed him headfirst into the wooden floor with a resounding thunk. Kane took a second to clear his throat, and then said;
“Prince Blueblood, you are hereby charged with kidnapping, the kidnapping of a diplomat, conspiracy to commit murder, attempted murder, and several other laws that I haven’t been accused of yet so I can’t remember them, but I’m sure that Princess Luna will.” Kane told him with a smile. “You are to remain silent, and everything that you say and do can and will be used against you by everyone involved, maliciously in my case.” He added with a larger smile as he grabbed Blueblood out of Twilight’s magical grasp and forced him into a pair of hoofcuffs.
“You’re enjoying this way too much.” Twilight told the cat, who shrugged.
“I’m just enjoying the irony here.” Kane replied. Twilight just raised an eyebrow. She hadn’t been told all that much about the cat except for the fact that he’d been forced to kidnap Shining Star, and then been freed by becoming a member of the Lunar Guard. “Oh, and the rest of you are all under arrest to for crimes including monumental stupidity, aiding in kidnapping of a diplomat, and being accessories to the crime!” The cat shouted. The noble’s faces collectively paled as Kane began to walk among them, slapping pairs of cuffs around their hooves and magic inhibitors around their horns.
“So Sparky, what kept you? I’ve been here with this asshat cutting into my chest with this scrawny little knife for at least two to three hours, I expected you to be at least an hour ago.” Ethan asked with a pointed look at Blueblood, who was struggling to charge them again despite the cuffs.
“I was only told that you were missing around an hour ago Ethan, Tia thought that you’d made your way to my mother’s house where I was sleeping.” Twilight replied with a shrug as her horn lit up and a blast of magic smashed Blueblood into the wall, he fell to the floor with a thump and began to groan.
“And it took you an hour to get here?” Ethan asked.
“Ethan, shut up and be glad that I got here at all, okay.” Twilight told him with a sigh as she grabbed Blueblood in her magic and began to walk towards the door. “Do you have the situation under control?” She asked with a backwards glance towards Kane, who had just finished cuffing the last noble.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m a professional assassin, and these are my typical targets. They tend to be pretty predictable.” Kane replied with a chuckle. “Oh, and would you tell your brother to send a few more guards to help me get these assholes back to the palace?”
“Sure, try not to hurt them too much.” Twilight told the cat who gave her a lose salute.
Twilight led the way out of the room with Ethan following at her side. As they walked down the hallway, Ethan noticed the bodies several dozen unconscious unicorns. He let out a whistle.
“Wow Sparky, you two did a number on these guys.” He told her with an appreciative grin.
“Thanks, but Kane did most of this.” Twilight replied with a shrug.
“Really?” Ethan asked.
“Yeah, I was surprised. Every time that we came to a new group he’d climb onto the ceiling with his claws and then drop into them. He may not be a real brawler, but with the element of surprise he can do a lot.” Twilight answered. “I just cleaned up the one or two in each group who managed to avoid his initial attacks.” She added with a shrug.
“Huh, he seems a little scrawny to do that.” Ethan said, the cat only came up to his chest.
“Ethan, I just realized something.” Twilight said as they neared the exit of the tunnel.
“What’s that Sparky?” Ethan asked.
“I just realized that you’re naked.” Twilight said with a crimson blush.
“Oh right, I’d forgotten. No wonder you couldn’t keep your eyes off me on the walk.” Ethan said with a chuckle.
“Gah!” Twilight replied eloquently.
“Use your words Sparky.” Ethan encouraged.
“I’ll have to teleport all three of us, unless you want to walk through Canterlot like that.” Twilight said after a second.
“I’ve always liked the feeling of breeze as it caresses my ba-” Ethan began, but was cut off by a glare from Twilight that could’ve cut through steel. “-but I have the oddest feeling that I’d have to fend off a bunch of mares so it’s probably a bad idea” Ethan finished.
“That’s what I thought. Now hold still.” Twilight commanded. Her horn began to glow brighter, and they disappeared in a flash of light.
***
The three of them appeared in Celestia’s bedroom, where the two Princesses were having a discussion of some kind with Twilight’s mother, Star. All conversation stopped as the three mares turned to find Twilight holding an extremely miserable and bruised Blueblood over her head, Ethan being naked probably helped contribute to the silence in its own small way as well. The silence was broken by Shining Armor and Cadence as they walked into the room.
“The HELL?!” Shining shouted in surprise. Artos and Rudy, Celestia’s personal guards, who were standing outside the door peered into the room through the still open door and watched with interest as things developed.
“Oh my.” Star said with a large grin on her face as she looked over Ethan’s naked body. “Twilight dear, you never mentioned that he was so… prestigious.” She added with a wink at her daughter.
“Mo-” Twilight began to protest but was cut off.
“And look at all those scars; he’s certainly looks to be quite the bad boy dear.” Her mother continued as she rose from her seat and began to walk towards Ethan, who cocked an eyebrow at her.
“Sparky, who is this?” He asked.
“I’m her mother, and I can’t believe that Twilight hasn’t mentioned me before.” Star replied with another step forward.
“Sparky’s mom huh? Meh, I can see the resemblance.” Ethan replied with a shrug.
“And you have a pet name for her, how adorable.” Star added as her hooves took her another step towards Ethan.
“Ahem.” Celestia coughed rather loudly in an attempt to redirect the route of conversation.
“Have a drink dear.” Star said before turning back to Ethan. “So Ethan, what does my daughter mean to you?” She asked.
“I’d risk my life for her without hesitation.” Ethan replied with a shrug.
“So have you two had sex yet? She won’t tell me.” Star asked.
“Nope, I’m already married. Besides, no offence to Sparky but she’s not my type, she’s too short.” Ethan replied before turning to Celestia. “Hey Sunny, can we get onto the actual conversation about the asshole who kidnapped me and tried to torture me?” Ethan asked the Solar Princess with a nod towards Blueblood, who cringed as Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Shining Armor turned the gazes on him.
“So it was you.” Celestia said in a low voice.
“Lies, anything that this vile creature says is a pack of LIES!” Blueblood shouted from within Twilight’s magic.
“I’ll vouch for Ethan on this, as can Kane, whenever he gets back from arresting the nobles.” Twilight said. “Oh, and Shiny? Can you send some of your guards to help Kane get those nobles back?” She added.
“Yeah, sure Twily. After we deal with him.” Shining replied darkly with a glare at Blueblood.
“You don’t honestly believe him, do you?” Blueblood asked incredulously.
“Yes, and just to make sure…” Luna told before trailing off. Blueblood suddenly felt like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over his back, and he flinched in shock. Luna’s eyes were glowing a dark blue aura and Blueblood found himself looking straight into their depths. “Did you kidnap Ethan and torture him?” Luna asked in a detached tone.
“Yes.” Blueblood answered before he realized what he’d just done.
“Then you are guilty of treason.” Luna continued in her same detached voice.
“I demand a jury of my peers!” Blueblood shouted.
“Nephew, the only ones who are your peers are in this room.” Celestia told him. “As a Prince of Equestria only those of royal blood may judge you properly. I find you guilty as well.” Celestia explained.
“Guilty, and good riddance.” Shining Armor told the Prince.
“Agreed, guilty.” Cadence said with a nod.
“Guilty as charged.” Luna said as her voice changed back to its normal tone.
“That-that’s incredibly unjust!” Blueblood protested.
“You kidnapped and tortured me. Badly, I might add. And here you are arguing about something being unjust.” Ethan said, his voice full of contempt for the unicorn in front of him.
“I-I challenge you to personal combat!” Blueblood shouted. Silence descended on the room for around half a second.
“Deal.” Ethan said quickly.
“Ethan, what are you doing? If you accept his challenge and he wins then he’s absolved of all crimes!” Twilight told the man, who shrugged.
“I’d like it to be public, make an event out of it.” Ethan told Celestia, who narrowed her eyes.
“I suppose I can arrange that.” She mused.
“Excellent. Well, I’m off to take a nap.” Ethan replied with a shrug as he walked out the door completely naked. A few seconds later they heard a mare shriek and the sound of a vase falling to the floor. Twilight dropped Blueblood, where he was quickly grabbed by Shining Armor.
“You’ll be waiting for this duel in one of our cells.” The Captain of the Guard informed Blueblood, who smiled insolently back at him. Shining kicked his legs out from under the Prince, who toppled face first into the floor. “And wipe that sneer off of your face while you’re at it.” Shining said. The Prince was escorted out of the room leaving Cadence, Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and Twilight’s mother.
“So…” Cadence began, but then fell silent; she really had nothing to add.
“Cadence dear, there’s something that I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” Star said to the pink alicorn.
“What is it mother?” Cadence asked her mother in law.
“I wanted to know if Shining has been treating you right. You know, in bed.” Star told her. Cadence’s already pink cheeks flared an even darker pink.
“Maybe you two can discuss this elsewhere.” Celestia suggested.
“That’s a great idea, come along Cadence.” Star ordered as she walked out of the room. Cadence shot a pleading look towards the other two Princesses and Twilight, who shrugged. They shut the door on their way out.
***
Rudy turned to Artos and said. “You know, we guard doors for a living and we see some of the weirdest shit.”
“Brother, I believe that that is because of whose door we guard.” Artos replied quietly. “Now be quiet before they hear us.”
***
“So when will the duel be?” Twilight asked Celestia who sighed.
“I suppose it’ll have to be today at sunset, that’s the ceremonial time after all and it should be enough time to gather a crowd.” She said.
“I think I should go watch over Ethan.” Luna told them.
“Why?” Twilight asked.
“Because we don’t want him being kidnapped again, and I believe that a certain evil spirit is trying to possess him.” Luna replied.
“Discord?” Twilight asked.
“No, he’s under oath to remain in his stone prison.” Celestia told her.
“Then who?” Twilight asked.
“Nightmare.” Luna said with a shiver.
“But-but we destroyed that with the Elements!” Twilight protested.
“No, you significantly weakened it, enough for me to overpower it. You did not destroy it. The Elements cannot destroy, only purify. Therein lies their weakness.” Luna told her quietly.
“Sister, how long have you known about this possession attempt?” Celestia asked.
“Since yesterday after I traveled into his dreams, they’re being twisted into something that is clearly designed to unbalance him.” Luna answered with a worried expression.
“Go Sister, if it gains possession of Ethan then… Well I would hate to see the aftermath.” Celestia said urgently. Luna nodded and vanished in an ethereal cloud of black fog.
“First diamond dogs, then evil, nearly unkillable wraiths, along with a fucking frost troll, and now Nightmare. I wonder if there’s some kind of god up there who’s giggling to himself while he sends bastard after bastard at us.” Twilight grumbled.
“If there is, I will give him a very painful kick for you.” Celestia told Twilight before she bent down to kiss the unicorn on the lips. “Now we have a little time before I need to return to my duties, how about we find some way to entertain ourselves?” She asked with a sly smile.
“Are you sure that now is the best time Tia?” Twilight asked uncertainly, although she had already begun walking in the direction of the bed.
“Twilight, you’re stressed. The least I can do is help you get rid of a bit of it.” Celestia told her with a wink.
“Well alright, now that you’ve managed to convince me.” Twilight said before she leaned up to give Celestia a kiss.
“I always have such a hard time, don’t I?” Celestia asked with a smirk once she’d broken the kiss.
“Not my fault, you’re a goddess.” Twilight replied breathlessly. “Oh well, I have literally forever to enjoy it.” She added with a chuckle.
“Well then, let’s not waste a second of it.”
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I will came all over my keyboard if you actually wright that story dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
1947680
well i'm 2805 words into the first chapter already
1947684
data.whicdn.com/images/40658473/INB4_I_CAME_Gifs_5281d2_3986306_thumb.gif
1884966
AC3 was a waste of $130 dollars
OMG.... Ethan... Possibly meeting Blackjack or any of the rest of those EqWasteland crazies..... WIN!!!!
1920665
I'm not sure if my body is ready...
Imma have to call up my physician
Holy...
Ethan goes to the Equestrian wasteland!?!
Please meet one of the major heroes (ie blackjack or little pip).
I still need to read Fallout: Equestria. I never seem to have the time. Awesome chapter as usual by the way.
please don't have ethan throw the fight. Blueblood deserves no mercy, even if he is a imbecile.
1947753
Throw the fight? Ha ha ha ha ha. No, the fight will not be thrown, don't worry
if he goes to the equestrian wasteland I have a feeling he will be better that littlepip or blackjack why they all had partners and friends ethan he is alone 80 percent of the time so he is basically saying FUCK YOU to everyone in the wasetland
MINECRAFT
hmmm.... I'd read that. Would it be cannon with your story in any way? Like, would he have met sparky and the rest and know what equestria normally is?
1947778
No, it'll be completely non cannon with the main story. He won't have met Twilight, he's not married to Cassandra, and he's a bit younger/more wild and reckless
Ohh lord, if Ethan ever meets Littlepip, or worse, Blackjack. . .
Ohh lawrd, the insanity would be doubled!
Oh lawdy. A
My body is ready.
bloodbathduel between Ethan and Blueblood?Ethan in the Equestrian Wasteland?
goo.gl/Pt8sn
Also, is this a duel to the death? I really hope so! Blueblood is beyond redemption at this point if you ask me.
1947796 Which story are you planning on throwing him into? Horizons or the original? And at which point in the story would you plop him down into? I'd love to see him drunk and riding on an Alicorn with Littlepip and BlackJack from the scene in the beginning of the third of PH
lets see about 20 years in the canterlot dungeon "minimum", stripped of noble status along with his accomplices and possibly the new vessle for the nightmare
1947876
I'm plopping him down right before the Enclave get seriously involved with Littlepip although i haven't read the main story for a while so things may be a bit out of place here and there. Anyways he'll be running around having a good time so he could technically run into almost anyone out there in the wastes
1947868
It's a duel until one of them can no longer fight, it gives more wiggle room and time for fun
YES!! I have waited for this!
M.C
It's interesting, I've had that idea a LONG time before you, I even kinda started it. The problem is, I have a tendency to never get back to writing it (or anything for that matter). I'd like to see how this will turn out.
MINECRAFT! YEAHHHHHHH!
Go get some wither skulls to fight that giant ass skeleton.
He’s naked and
tgfb.net/drama/src/131770146839.jpg
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/52634__safe_twilight-sparkle_animated_scootaloo_apple-bloom_sweetie-belle_the-cutie-mark-chronicles.gif?1344080222
So Blueblood is going to get the living hell beaten out him, get disinherited, and get banished or imprisoned? (Or, ideally, imprisoned in the place he's banished to.) Based solely on canon, I'd be happy if was just forever alone. However, the way you've depicted him, there is only one appropriate response to this situation:
This.
Ethan in the Equestrian Wasteland......
Oh My!
Now I have this vision of him meeting (and driving to a new plateau of insanity) the Goddess.....
How to torture Blueblood:
1. Make himself do all the work
2. Pay his servants 1 Mil in bits before sending them to a luxurious vacation in some tropical island. Courtsey of Blueblood's bank account.
2. Tie Blueblood to a chair while you force him to see his fine clothes being dipped in froggy bottom bog.
3. Force Blueblood to read the Twilight saga. At least 10 times.
Hmm, Ethan in the Equestrian Wasteland. I can see this working out. Way more than the time I tried writing a fanfic... twice. But anywho good story and if I could, I would definitely give you a handshake. The ultimate sign of respect I liberally give away.
So, we're talking massive destruction to the surrounding area?
Please have Ethan use missiles and red glares and fatman catapults! PLEASE!
Oh wow. I am a little disappointed in Ethan that he did not make some sort of hot joke while Sparky's mane was on fire, but I suppose even he is allowed to be considerate when his friends are worried about him. On the other hand, it could have been self preservation at work.
It was a little sort, but it is still worthy of a
hurray!
And then there's the blog, which completely made up for everything. I got three of my five questions answered, a fourth addressed, drove Sparky to drink, and brought Celestia onscreen. It was a very enjoyable experience.
Seriously though, I think someone/pony, preferably Sparky, realizing that Ethan embodies all six of the Elements of Harmony should be cannon.
1952830
The only one he lacks is magic
1952839 Friendship is Magic. It says so right in the title, and he does the whole friendship thing very well.
th' Fo:E spinoff of this seems to be better received than the main one.
1953608
yeah i was noticing that too
did anyone told you that the story picture is looking weird? Why Twilight is looking like stallion? while Ethan is OK Twilight is scaring me, in no-good way.
But I like to see that in this story is more than those two. The most welcome to me is Kane. He is so funny, but dangerous, pers...sorry, cat. So similar to Ethan. :) Keep this up. I really like this story.
1951305 He would enjoy the Twilight saga to much...
1978414 Exactly what I mean.
1982996
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1983492
You're around let's say oh... i'm thinking 19 or so chapters away from an update on everyone in the Mojave, and Boone left service and has been bumming around for a while searching for a little more solace with his wife's death along with generally being at a loss thanks to the death of the majority of the Legion which left him with no one to take his anger out on
1988613
Yep that's the one
Something tells me that Ethan is going to have a harder time than anyone is expecting, fighting Blueballs. That being said, I still doubt that he will lose, and when he is winning perhaps he will even give the slimy little shit more than a few broken bones in the process- that would be quite entertaining to read.
Also about the Christmas special, it was hilarious seeing Rarity assume that she was so right about everything and then get shot down by Ethan and Twilight.
1983629 Also, now that you mention Boone having no Legionaries to fight (I wasn't notified of the two comments you replied to me with, by the way, probably because they were on different pages than my comments or something), I think it would have made for a very interesting DLC to Fallout: New Vegas to have Boone and the Courier travel to Arizona to take down the home of the Legion. Of course, that would never happen because there is no alternative for Legion-oriented Couriers. A shame, really- I don't like the Legion whatsoever, but it would have been nice to see it have just as many options as the NCR, like how it was intended to be before the game was released. Hell, there are a total of three companions who will refuse to follow you if you ally with the Legion (Cass, Arcade, and obviously Boone), and only one other who even mentions them (Raul being indifferent either way, really). There are, however, no characters specifically for the Legion.
Also, that idea seems very unrealistic- two people taking on an entire country, pretty much? Maybe if they were Ethan and Cassandra, with a little backup from Twilight...
1989229 you know im glad you brought that up; in the cut content of fallout new vegas, ulysses was supposed to be the legion oriented follower, but they decided to have him be the former legion denzien of the divide. only know this because i researched the shit out of the game
Lol at the end if this chapter. That's all I can say.
Who is he making fun of? Percy Jackson?
4676447 I think it was the spy from "Team Fortress 2"© of valve
1947695 you're right AC3 was a P.O.S. and a stain on the AC series but black flag more than made up for it
Excuse me for a moment. *walks through a door*
*muffled* "HEY! STOP WITH THE BASTARD SENDING ALREADY!"
"WHYYYYYYYY!?"
"DONT MAKE ME GET THE FUCKING FLOUR!!!"
this made me think of an obscure gag in a video-game:
"he must have the worst job in the world."
"who's going to steal an entire town anyway?"
Runescape (2) says that if you "examine" the "town guards" outside a certain town.