Chapter 25
Edited by TacoTown
Chapter 25
Ethan walked up to the door to Celestia’s room, and found a pair of guards guarding it. They weren’t the two that Ethan usually saw around Celestia, so he wasn’t exactly surprised when they stopped him.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” One shouted at him.
“I'm taking this invisible basket of cakes to my grandmother's house.” Ethan said with an annoyed glare. “I’m here to see Celestia you fuckwads, now get out of my way!” He commanded.
“Sir, I’m afraid that I’m going to have to ask you to come with us.” The guard on the right said.
“To where?” Ethan asked angrily.
“To the dungeon.” The guard replied.
“And there goes any ghost of a good mood that I had. Well alright then, if that’s the way you two want to do things then that’s the way we’ll do things.” Ethan said with a snarl.
He strode towards them, his forty pounds of powered armor clanking slightly against the marble floored hallway. Before either guard could react the man’s right fist shot out and careened into the guard on the right’s face, sending him crashing to the ground in a heap of golden armor. The guard on the left let out a surprised yelp as he suddenly found himself being pulled off of his hooves and into the air by the neck of his armor. Ethan brought the poor stallion up to his face.
“My name is Ethan Smith. I’m now in a very, very, very bad mood. That means get the hell out of my way before I attach you to the nearest wall with a railroad spike.” Ethan growled before he threw the guard to ground and strode into the room.
Twilight was sitting on the bed beside Celestia, and they both looked up in surprise as the man angrily entered the room.
“Who the hell were those guards?” Ethan asked angrily.
“Which ones?” Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow. There were a few hundred guards who patrolled the palace daily; and nightly of course.
“The two idiots who just tried to take me to the dungeon.” Ethan snarled with a jerk of his head towards the two guards outside the door. The one Ethan had grabbed was helping the one that he’d punched off of the floor.
“Ethan, those were fresh recruits. On their first shift. Ever. They were probably just trying to do their jobs!” Celestia exclaimed.
“They. Threatened. To. Throw. Me. In. The. Dungeon!” Ethan practically shouted.
“Ethan, you need to calm down. They’re rookies who made a mistake.” Twilight said as she got off of the bed and began to walk towards the armored man.
“I don’t care; I shouldn’t be in danger of being thrown into a dungeon even if they are rookies!” Ethan growled.
“All three of us know that you were never in any real danger of that happening to you.” Celestia informed him.
“That’s not the point!” Ethan retorted angrily as he advanced on Celestia. Suddenly, he found himself floating upside down from the ceiling, trapped in Celestia’s golden aura. His hands were being held very tightly against his sides, making it impossible for him to reach his supply of pulse grenades in order to break her hold.
“I think that that’s just about enough of that.” The solar alicorn told him sternly. “Ethan, I know that you’re under an immense amount of pressure at the moment, both mentally and emotionally, but you need to calm down.” She said forcefully.
Ethan glared at her for a few second as he hung suspended upside down, and then he let out a sigh.
“Sparky, I need to go home. Not for very long, but I really want to see Cassie for a little while.” He said softly.
Celestia cocked an eyebrow at Twilight, who shrugged.
“Of course I can take you home Ethan; you’re not a prisoner here.” Twilight said with a kind smile.
“Thanks Sparky.” Ethan told her before he turned back to Celestia. “Sorry about the guards Sunny.”
“I’m sure that they’ll be fine Ethan. Besides, now they’ll have a fun story to share with the other guards.” Celestia replied with a tired smile.
“See you in a few then Sunny.” Ethan told the alicorn before he nodded to Twilight, and they vanished in a flash of light.
“Is-is he gone?” One of the guards from the door stuttered.
“He’s gone boys, I’m sorry if he hurt you. I’d advise guarding the dungeon from now on, the only one there is that hippogriff prisoner.” Celestia said kindly before she turned away from the two new guards and began to think about other things; particularly how she could keep the griffins and the hippogriffs occupied long enough for Ethan and Twilight to rescue the Prince…
***
Ethan and Twilight stumbled slightly as they appeared inside of the main living room of Cassandra’s suite.
“Sorry, we were two inches two high.” Twilight apologized.
“Not a problem, now where’s Cassie?” Ethan replied with a shrug before his eyes began to search the room for his wife.
“Boone, did you hear something?” His wife’s voice asked, coming from the direction of the elevator.
“I think I might have heard your husband.” Boone’s voice replied.
“I doubt it, he’s-” Cassandra began, but she was interrupted by Ethan sprinting out of the living room pulling her into a deep and breathless kiss. Twilight walked into the room to find the two in each other’s passionate embrace, while a tall man in a beret looked on with an extremely awkward look on his face. Twilight shrugged and walked up to him.
“Sup?” She asked with a neutral look on her face.
“So you’re the magic talking unicorn?” Boone asked with a shake of his head.
“The one and only; in this dimension anyways.” Twilight replied with a smile.
“I’m Boone.” Boone said as he bent down and offered Twilight his hand to shake.
“Twilight Sparkle, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Twilight said with a friendly grin.
“Likewise.” Boone agreed. “So how about we leave these two alone before it gets more intense?”
“Yeah, that sounds alright to me.” Twilight agreed. “Are Ethan’s children around here?”
“Yeah, follow me.” Boone said as he quickly began to stride in the direction of the room that the Twins were staying in.
He pushed the door of the room open and stepped inside, Twilight followed him in. Wadsworth was hovering next to a crib, and one of his ocular sensors turned to look at Twilight and Boone. The lights of the room were set on low, but Twilight could still see well thanks to her cybernetic eye.
“Ah Miss Sparkle, it’s good to see you again.” The robot said in a surprisingly sincere voice and quiet voice.
“Hello again Wadsworth, it’s good to see you as well.” Twilight agreed as she walked across the soft carpeted floor towards the crib.
“I take it that Master Ethan is back for good now?” The robot inquired as he turned his eyes back towards the crib.
“No, this is only a short stop.” Twilight replied, her voice still at a whisper. The robot let out a sigh as Twilight came to a stop beside it.
“I suppose that he still has something he needs to do before he can return to his real responsibilities then?” Wadsworth asked dryly.
“Yes.” Twilight replied as she got up on her hind legs and looked into the crib.
One of the babies had the other’s ear in its mouth and was sucking on it, much to the obvious annoyance of the other baby, who was trying to push the one sucking away.
“They’re so cute!” Twilight squeed quietly.
“Quite.” Wadsworth agreed with a soft robotic chuckle. “Little Shade seems to have gotten more of her father’s genes then Ash.”
“Heh, he’s going to have a fun time growing up with a twin like that.” Twilight said with a giggle.
“It will be interesting if nothing else; of course, with Master Ethan everything is interesting.” Wadsworth said.
“You seem less sarcastic than usual Wadsworth.” Twilight told the robot.
“It’s the children’s fault.” Wadsworth said dourly. “They seem to be shorting out my sarcasm circuit with their cuteness.” He said before he gave the children a baleful robotic glare.
“Yeah, I’m sure that that’s it.” Boone said quietly as he walked up to the other two.
“Are you implying something?” Wadsworth asked with a note of mild irritation entering into his robotic voice.
“Oh, just that you enjoy having the excuse to be nice instead of your typical self.” Boone replied with a smooth smile as he tapped the white robot on the side.
“My arm has a flamethrower on it.” Wadsworth reminded Boone; that’s when the shouting started from the other room. Twilight’s eyes widened and she turned back towards the door.
“Should we go and see what’s going on?” She asked.
“No point. It’ll sort itself out, it always does with those two.” Boone said with a shake of his head.
“He’s right.” Wadsworth acknowledged.
“Well then, let’s just look at the babies I guess.” Twilight said with a shrug.
***
Cassandra broke off the embrace first, and pulled away from Ethan before she began glare at him.
“Ethan, what made you think that it was alright to take my favorite pistol?” She asked quietly.
“Cassie, not now. Please, not now.” Ethan said quietly.
“No Ethan, you’re telling me right now what possessed you to think that you could take A Light Shining in the Darkness out of my armory without asking me!” Cassandra said intensely.
“Cassie, I’m not in the right frame of mind for this discussion, for the last few days there has been a fucking demon messing with my head. I’m sorry that I took your gun, but right now I really just need to hold you.” Ethan said in a pain filled voice. Cassandra’s eyes softened slightly, and she blew one of her red bangs out of her eyes.
“Ethan?” She asked in a low voice.
“I’ve got some explaining to do Cassie, and you’re not going to like what you hear, but I can’t tell you right now. I don’t have time.” He informed her as he stepped closer to her again and pulled her into a tight hug. She rested her chin against his armor-clad shoulder and her cheek against his.
“Ethan, you know that you can always come to me for help if you’re in over your head; at the very least you could explain a bit more about this situation that you’re in.” She told him.
“I would love to Cassie, but like I said I don’t have time.” Ethan replied.
“If you don’t have time then why are you here?” Cassandra asked.
“Because I wanted to see you again, in case…” Ethan said with a sigh before he trailed off. Cassandra’s eyes darkened for a moment before her hand lashed out and slapped Ethan across the face, sending him reeling backwards in surprise. “What was that for?!” He shouted in surprise.
“Because you’re not dying on me Ethan!” Cassandra said loudly as she began to walk towards him, hand raised threateningly. “I’m already up to my ass in problems that I don’t know how to solve, and the last thing I need added onto that is you dying!” She shouted at him. “Now you listen to me Ethan Smith. You are The Lone Wanderer, the Wasteland’s Goddamned Savior, and you are going to pull your ass out of this emotional funk or I’m going to shove my fist straight up your ass so far that it’ll come out of your mouth!” She finished with a shout.
Ethan stared at her for a second, completely at a loss for words. And then he began to laugh, a merry laugh, and pulled her into another fierce hug. Cassandra showed a surprisingly small amount of discomfort, considering that she was being held against a piece of hard, cold, metal.
“God I love you Cassie!” He said with a grin.
“You’re damn right you do!” She said with a matching grin before her features softened and she added. “You can tell me about what’s bothering you later if you have to, but are you sure you don’t have time to tell me now?”
Ethan let out a sigh and a bit of his sullenness returned to his eyes.
“Sorry Cassie, but I’ve probably used up enough time here; I’ve got a kid to save and a demon to kill.” He told her.
“Well then I almost feel bad for it knowing you.” Cassandra said with small smirk.
“It’s been torturing me nightly in my dreams.” Ethan said flatly. Cassandra’s green eyes all but caught fire.
“Where is this demon? I’m sending it back to hell!” Cassandra exclaimed. Her voice was filled with a quiet anger that radiated from her like hot ash from a volcano. Ethan let out a tired chuckle.
“Didn’t you say that you were busy here?” He asked.
“I can’t do much at the moment personally. The Mojave has been invaded by tunnelers, but like I said there’s not that much that I can do except go out with each force as they destroy the nests. I’m sure that I could take the time to help you.” Cassandra said with a firm look of determination on her face.
“Cassie, you have a city to run. And if these tunneler things are as bad as you told me, then New Vegas is going to need you more then I will.” Ethan told her with a smile before he leaned in and gave her a kiss and said. “Besides, I’ve got Twilight Sparkle, the unicorn who can toss around supermutant behemoths, watching my back; I’ll be fine.”
“You damn well better be Ethan, I’m not raising the twins by myself.” Cassandra told him with a low growl.
“You’re the one who wanted them in the first place.” Ethan reminded her with a chuckle as they began to move towards the nursery.
“Oh shut up, you love them just as much as I do.” Cassandra scolded with a small smile at his joke before they entered the room to find their companions watching the Twins with matching looks of adoration. Cassandra let out a snort at seeing Boone’s face, which was ordinarily stoically devoid of anything close to the daww-indused state that it was currently in. The man turned around, his face flushed with embarrassment.
“We were-ah-admiring the-um…” Boone trailed off.
“Mister Beret here was just entrapped by the same magic spell of adorableness that your offspring have somehow managed to capture me in as well.” Wadsworth supplied, much to the man’s chagrin. Ethan ignored the commotion, walked up to the crib, and gently reached out to stroke the cheeks of his children with his right hand before withdrawing it and turning to Twilight.
“You ready to go Sparky?” He asked.
“Yes, let’s go save my nephew.” Twilight said; her face had changed to a look of pure determination. Ethan turned to Cassandra and gave her another kiss on the lips before pulling away.
“Stay safe Ethan, I love you.” Cassandra told him with a small smile before she turned to regard Twilight. “If he dies, I’m hunting you down and cutting out your other eye, along with whoever killed him.” She told Twilight with a steely gaze; the likes of which had caused raiders to flee from a hundred yards away. Twilight stood her ground and easily met the challenging stare. Fighting gods, dragons, and evil queens had that effect on ponies. And fucking a goddess certainly helped as well.
“I won’t let him die Cassandra, you have my word.” Twilight replied.
“Good. Come on Boone, we have several simultaneous assaults to coordinate and we can’t do that standing here.” Cassandra told the other man as she began to walk away. Boone shrugged, nodded to Ethan and Twilight, and then walked after her.
Twilight’s horn began to glow, and then she and Ethan vanished, leaving Wadsworth alone with the children once again.
“You’re cute little bastards, you know that?” The robot asked the Twins with a sigh. The Twins for their part ignored him and kept on sleeping, Ash’s ear still firmly stick between Shade’s lips as she gummed it.
***
Ethan and Twilight reappeared in Celestia’s bedroom to find it in much the same state as they’d left it. The main difference was the absence of Celestia, and that the sun was lower in the sky then before.
“We’re leaving tonight and stopping in Ponyville in the morning, so we have around two hours to kill.” Ethan told Twilight, he looked much less wild then he had before.
“How are we going to spend them?” Twilight asked.
“Well I’m going to see if I can’t get a little information out of that hippogriff assassin down in the dungeon, you can do whatever you want.” Ethan replied with a shrug.
“Ethan, torture is illegal in Equestria.” Twilight told him. “And I’ve heard that Ambassador Sharp already had a long session with the assassin, and he resolutely refused to talk to him. What makes you think you can do a better job?” She asked.
Ethan turned away from her for a second before he turned back to her. His eyes had become infused with a sadistic and terrifying glow, while his mouth was twisted into a disturbing smirk that seemed incredibly predatory, especially to a pony. He pulled out Cassandra’s blue-bladed knife and began to twirl it between his fingers.
“Who wouldn’t want to talk to me Twilight?” He asked as his smirk got even wider, revealing his canines.
“Good Goddesses Ethan, you look like you’re going to-” Twilight began but she was interrupted by the entrance of Celestia, who took one look at the man’s face and began to summon her magic.
“Ethan, please step away from Twilight before I send you out the window.” Celestia told him calmly. Ethan shook his head once and the murderous glare disappeared.
“Sorry Sunny, I was just showing Sparky how terrifying I can be if I need to.” He said with a friendly smile. Celestia’s magic dispersed and she shot him a hard stare.
“And why would you need to do that?” She asked
“No reason.” Ethan replied with a shrug. “Oh, and Sunny? Would you directing me to the dungeon?”
“No, you’re not going to torture information out of that prisoner.” Celestia said, seemingly reading the man’s mind.
“There won’t be a scratch on him.” Ethan promised.
“No.” Celestia said firmly. “Besides, didn’t you already get all of the information that you needed from that little dream trip that you took earlier without asking Luna or I for help?” the alicorn asked while narrowing her eyebrows at him.
“More information is always helpful.” Ethan said without backing down an inch.
“Ethan, the answer is no.” She shot back at him.
“Well then, your nephew might die because I lack the information to save his life, and it’ll be your fault.” Ethan retorted with a glare. Celestia almost flinched, but she withstood the urge and instead returned Ethan’s glare, except hers came with the intensity that only being a several thousand year old deity could add.
“You’ve gone too far Ethan.” Celestia told him sternly, barely able to withhold the storm of anger that was building up inside of her. “Torture is outlawed in Equestria for several reasons, the least of which is that it doesn’t work. Ponies in pain will shout anything to make it stop; torture is a useless tool from an era that we’ve moved past.”
“If you say that torture is useless then you’re doing it wrong.” Ethan told her with a smirk. “If you’re doing it right you never have to even touch the victim, much less actually hurt them.”
“What about what you did to those Talons? That certainly involved a lot of pain.” Twilight interjected.
“Different circumstance, different approach.” Ethan replied with a shrug. “We needed to know what those Talons knew immediately and they knew it; this hippogriff doesn’t know how urgently we need his information, in other words-”
“-he doesn’t know how long we have to get it out of him, meaning that he’ll be dreading a long session that could go on for days.” Twilight finished with a small, extremely fiendish, grin
“By God Sparky! I love you sometimes!” Ethan said with a wicked grin of his own.
“As long as it’s purely psychological I suppose you two can do it.” Celestia said with a sigh.
“Thanks Sunny, you’re a real pal, you know that?” Ethan asked with a grin. Celestia shot him an unamused look before she turned to Twilight.
“I expect you to keep him under control.” She told her lover.
“Of course Tia.” Twilight replied with a nod.
“Then go on, just be careful Twilight.” Celestia said with a sigh.
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Crap. Twi's getting all sadistic on me... I love it.
Pretty sure you meant psychological. Great chapter, other than that. Adorableness, Boone not being a stoic S.O.B, and Celestia threatening to throw Ethan out of a window.
Dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!
2266084
Thanks for catching that
and the torture begins!!
All babies are cute little bastards. And Ethan's right. The best torture is the torture where you never hurt a single hair on their head. He should know; he's been suffering it ever since he got to Equestria.
I feel sorry for those two guards.
Ya know, does Cassandra have the same sort of insane regeneration that Ethan does? Just curious.
2266239 Screw the guards! I feel sorry for the assassin.
Those poor rookies will be having scarred nightmares for weeks to come by what they hear coming out of that cell. Also, this chapter has reminded me of how babies are, 70% of the time, screaming, vomit-spewing, feces-smelling holes in the wallet... and yet they still manage to be adorable enough that I can't rightly say I hate or even dislike them.
2267152 The assassin earned it, the guards didn't.
2267138 I think not. After all, there was not a deranged madwoman under the guise of a bubbly idiot sending him on death-defying missions, who eventually caused his DNA to twist like a kitten does to yarn. From that, when under radiation poisoning, his limbs will regenerate, thus causing him to heal at the loss of endurance and some agility.
So, no, Ethan is just mildly mutated as well as part robot.
2267307
They tried to put the wasteland savior in a dungeon.
I would've reverse pick-pocketed them a couple active bottlecap mines.
2267564Ok they deserved it the first time but not the second time... It's a good thing Twi is there to handle his iff.
2267138
No, she's just more durable thanks to all the experiments at Big MT along with hard won experience.
2267868
Whoops, thanks for that catch
You know, you'd think by now everyone (including non-ponies) in the palace would know who the hell Ethan is. Why haven't all the guards been told? Does Celestia really hate explaining things that much? And I suppose complete rookies might be given the duty of guarding Celestia's door since she doesn't actually need protection (otherwise, why would she be guarded by any but the most distinguished of veterans?), but they should at least know better than to threaten an honored guest of Equestria! With Blueblood, the ignorance was justified because he was a moron (and now, she is a moron), but royal guards? Ethan *maybe* could have handled the situation better, but at least he has an excuse; he spent his adult life in the Wasteland AND spent the last few nights being tormented by a demon.
Seriously, I know it's fully supported by canon, but it seems Celestia isn't explaining shit even to her closest servants. Did she have some plan for Ethan to learn a lesson or something from that? Because that seems to be what she usually intends when she neglects to mention something important.
Well, that's my incoherent rant for today
.
2268421
Don't worry i enjoy rants, they keep me honest.
Keep in mind that these guys are essentially as green as grass. This was their first shift, of their first day on guard. Celestia didn't really get much of a chance to talk to them and she assumed that one of their commanders would've told them about Ethan. The rookies were just honored to be allowed to guard the Princess and didn't ask any questions, besides Celestia doesn't oversee who's guarding her all the time, that's what the commanders are for
There is a reason why they were the ones guiding her at the time and it'll be explained in the next chapter
2268965 Yeah, I just thought that by this point guard commanders would be passing memos down to even their lowest subbordinates, trainees included, an assumption that you seem to be saying Celestia shared with me.
Anyway, glad that you're going to be explaining why fresh recruits were guarding Pincess Celestia. I'm even more happy that you apparently enjoy my rants. If you're really lucky, I might give you another bit of mad rambling once you post your next chapter. In fact, i think I'll start with what I'm thinking right now.
It's changelings, isn't it? No, too obvious.
There's some evil and as of yet mysterious organization that has dozens of ponies and other creatures under their metaphorical thumb, isn't there?
2277499
sure...
2277499
Like in Fallout: Tactics? First it was the raiders, then the super mutants, then it went [color=transparent]TERMIE ROBOTS...
Shit, that would be expected by some of the fans of Fallout...
2267246 That's why they validate the Theory of Evolution. The cuteness trait alone keeps them fed and cared for during the early years.
2309317
Indeed it is!
Well, I finally caught up to the newest chapter. A total piece of shit, like usual.
(No, it's not actually a piece of shit. God, stop being so fucking serious)
2331561
Thank you for being positive as always PF, I really don't know what I'd do without your emotionally uplifting and oftentimes touching comments about my writing ability.
2331640 No probs boss. *Snaps both fingers at you* It's what I do.
(I really just felt like swearing. You fucking Jew. I didn't mean that. Yes I did. No, I didn't.)
Chapters be slow, yo.
2364272
I was really bored when I wrote it
2364409
I wasn't complaining,I honestly thought it was one of the funnies things you could have done