bit of a cheesy ending but i can see where its going......

my only hope for this awesome story is a amazing sex scene with Scootaloo....... make it happen and make it awesome

ALSO........im the first fucking one to post
hells yea

Woo~! New chap! Just one or two typo's I spotted, but still very good Keep up the great work!

I knew it! EVIL, EVIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLll!!

still brilliant, loving where this is going and cant wait to see where it ends
~DIGITAL10~

I hate having to be horrible. But I feel it's necessary.

This story is bad. There are multiple spelling errors, the number of which is only dwarfed by the times your grammar is wrong. Your writing is in the style of 'this happened, and then this happened, then this and this and this' with your dialogue being pretty damn similar. It's bare bones at best. You constantly bring in things that just don't make sense for the characters you're portraying, you insert memes which is just a lazy way of getting a laugh and your character is a Mary Sue with a specific emphasis on sex and a mild case of Peter Parker syndrome. And your scenes (sensual and not) are undetailed, over far too quickly and severely lacking in any sort of reason to make me care about the characters in them.

The story premise is, admittedly, something that could be interesting. Mare moves to town and everyone wants to sleep with her? Boring. Mare is a teenager, doesn't know if she wants what her cutie mark says is her destiny? Could go somewhere interesting. The horrible execution of such premise, however, has destroyed any possibility of an interesting character dynamic and plot, while making any investment in the sex impossible. Even if you just wanted to write a series of clop scenes this isn't even dime store smut level. There's nothing here to recommend this story.

What this story needs is some heavy editing. Take a weedwacker to it heavy. It's backbone is solid, but the framework and everything else is broken.

That all said, I can see the potential in this fic. You just didn't bring it out.

EDIT: Oh, and the whole 'it's bad to be a slut and I'm worried people will call you that' thing is just unnecessary. Some people sleep around, it's a fact of life, get over it.

3212912
Now I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But I feel it's necessary.

You're very detailed/thought out review is well and good. But don't you think it was wasted? Look how long I have taken to finish each chapter. Does that seem like I have the time to spend looking through it for each spelling error, to which I have made clear I have no proof readers. I have close to no free time. I did this for fun, nothing serious. And what gives you the right to be that judgemental? I mean you had to be purely rude about it, although you did put one sort of nice comment at the end.

I hate this fandom because of people like you who expect nothing less then perfection. All you do is ruin people who don't deserve it.

I personally have no problem with it, but you seem like you have done it before, ergo making you a dick. I hope you live a long happy life.

3220729 3212912 Wow what an ass I agree with Buggles Me I don't care if there are a few spelling errors as long as I can read it and understand it and enjoy the story. I really hope you make more of the story Buggles and keep up the good work.

3220729 I suppose it might need a little touching up, I didn't realize that you didn't have any proofreader's/editers to help out. I can probably help a bit, not the best but better than nothing right?

I'll send you my Email, please let me know when you have something for me to help with.