Ps3luver
Joined 12th Jun, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It was okay, I guess.. Needs more imagery instead of "he did this" and "she did that" kind of writing
It seems kinda rushed and forced. Doesn't feel natural, and what flow there is is sort of like going down some particularly rocky rapids.
1402119 I know what you mean, I was going to say the same thing, but all in all, great fic
I found this to be a good story....but it seemed a little bit corny when they were talking to each other in the middle of having sex...I've never heard of people just talking like that in the middle of it all...except in really bad porn. Other than that i enjoyed it.
Well that escalated quickly.
That was better than I thought it would be. It could use a little work here and there, but its a bit better than average.
1402119
Fuck You.
1402933
Fuck You.
1403019
For the first part, Fuck You.
1404821
Same to you.
1431591
And Fuck You.
this story is emotional, Rainbow Dash was crying, Derpy Hooves likes muffins, and the author did a great job.
No i'm not a troll.
1402933 And rapids are fun when they hurt.
1454151
static2.fjcdn.com/comments/ahh+when+i+first+became+a+brony+i+had+a+_2682a57d87f88760ce6199854bdbbdda.jpg
1454151
Hey, I'm glad you liked the story; some people just don't like my stuff, not sure if they deserve a "fuck you", but nonetheless, you were very supportive.
1454151
Erm, I think that is a bit too harsh.
I do agree that this story is emotional, and RD was crying because some jerks said things that will get them fired, and needed her long lasted love by her side. It felt to me like an outburst of emotions in the correct time. Some people may think that this was a bit too rushed, but if you have been wanting someone to love you, and then you just have all of him/her to you, and know that it's going to be there for you, you just send everything to Tartarus, and want to share your whole self with your love.
On a side note. Yes Derpy/Ditzy loves muffins, and yes, rapids are fun when they hurt.
1402119
I think that your point of view is just different than the author's. You like a more descriptive type of clopfic. It's OK, but this clopfic turned out to be more of the type of giving the scene, but without detailing everything. I like that, it gives my brain stuff to spend time imagining things.
1404821
I find it a bit creepy that you listen to people have sex, to see if they talk or not.
Now seriously, you can find time to express your feelings, even if you are at it.
1455322
To you, just thanks for dedicating this to me. I just like to speak truth. Keep up the writing work!
1476342
Um....that's not how i meant it but....ok?
Forgot to post a comment here after reading this, so I'm doing it now.
Really well done. A few mistakes, most of which didn't matter.
The awesome plotline and story made up for it all.
I loved the scene when Dash was crying and "you" try to cheer her up. It was adorable as all hell.
Very nice job. Good read.
.-. Not even fazed by what I just read( I meant the last part of it) But yeah, this was a pretty good one shot, even if it was rushed, so...
1797668
As a reply to you, Flutterguy1337:
Y u have to be so meaannnnn?
Nah, just screwin with ya, I agree this was a bit rushed, and trust me, I haven't written for 8 hours straight since this story.
1802170
Jadex! Now look what you've done! You just had to go and make "spire" go viral! [I like you, even in spite of this.]
On the plus side, you're not using the word as frequently as Jadex does (With him, it's like the application of a two by four to the backside of the head), so that is something in your favor. I would caution against using it too much. Mix it up, use other sexual euphemisms to refer to the male sexual reproductive organ. Tower of Temptation, the sexy sword, the pike of pleasure, the pillar of penetration, the falchion of fornication, etc., What I'm saying is don't use the same word over and over, as it becomes repetitive, uninteresting and disengaging to read a word 20+ times, if using a different word wouldn't mess with the intended meaning or mess with the "flow" of the sentence. "Variety is the spice of life" and all that.
Nice use of Rainbow's feminine side and the social rumor and accusation to have her seek solace from her friend. Or reassurance, or both. I also liked how You [the protagonist] ends up spilling his feeling for Rainbow Dash, in the course of comforting and reassuring her. I'm a little disappointed that "wingplay" or "wingjob?" foreplay/ sex wasn't included, given that wings are part and parcel that sets pegasi apart from every other pony specie. Written well and properly, it can really add to the sex and intimacy scenes. I did like how, Rainbow Dash resumes her confidence and has moments where she is the instigator, or aggressor in the sexual acts the two partake in.
Peace,
AuthorGenesis
Wow, amazing FanFic. I feel like this should have more parts!