Pony-Berserker
Joined 29th Sep, 2012 ·
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why is twilight a bad librarian?
1392400 Because AJ couldn't find the book in the catalogues.
1392425 oh okay i see
AJ is actually right. The only pony that can ever find a book in Twilight's library is Pinkie.
Admittedly .. sometimes they land on her face ...
Should be "Whaaa..." Twilight shouted when the flower puffed in her face. Everything in the " marks is what the characters say.
Same problem as the above.
Firstly, it should have a full stop or something on the end. Secondly, three full stops in a row (...) means a trail off, one means the end of a sentence. There is no two (..).
Missing space.
This is an example of correct dialogue. However, I would change the end to Rarity shouted as she ran out of her boutique.
Either use one full stop or three.
Unneeded ?
1. I think you mean Hahaha. 2. I can also squint my eyes.
You're looking for grow.
Personally shouldn't be capitalised.
1. Somehow should have a full stop after it. 2. The doctor says certainly, as in he will treat her, but then says he can't. This doesn't make sense. How about: "I'm sorry, but I can't."
Needs a full stop.
Full stop.
Typo here. I think you meant news.
Should have a question mark.
The commas aren't needed. A comma represents a pause, or breaks up a sentence. What's happening there is Ha (pause) ha (pause) ha., when it should just be Ha ha ha.
Missing "
Only one question mark is needed.
Not necesarily wrong, but I've never heard that before.
Should have a comma after offense.
1397828 Thanks ;)
1399675
You're very welcome.
Pacing was a bit fast at the beginning.
1500077
Looks like it's a common problem in my stories.
Bad Celestia! I'm glad they didn't write you a letter.
Letting her die like that, without even visiting, you deserve to think she's dead.
Not as funny as your other work, but still a good read, hmmm, I'm not good at comments...
1821746
It's my first fan-fic after all. No wonder it's not the best
1824803
, it was still funny
, and being your first fan-fic it makes sense that you would get better, lol. 
Don't get me wrong
I'll probably be reading them in order from this point, so they'll only get better.
The pacing is bit too fast. I notice that it's mostly rapid-fire dialogue. Not the worst thing, but it would help if you let some of the scenes breathe. Describe the place where Twilight finds the strange flower. Let some of the tension build instead of jumping from one moment to the next.
But other than that, the dialogue is pretty sharp and hilarious at times. Just needs more time.