When Celestia and Luna's tensions came to a boil, their familial spat did not not end in one simple banishment: A war broke out that poisoned the land and divided Equestria. Now, with no regard given to her original fate, a resurrected filly will quickly learn what it means to be a ruler. This is her story.
Content Warnings: Light Horror Elements, Heavy Themes, Child Mistreatment, Child (Physical) Abuse, Light Profanity, Allusions to Sex, Depictions of Illness, (Medical) Gore, Death.
Chapters (23)
Very interesting read, I like the concept. Please keep up the good work ð¿ð
11722220
Thank you! I'm at work as I write this but I hope to have most of act 1 put out by monday.
ETA on Act 2 is still iffy, though. It ain't done yet. ^^"
This is such an amazing fic! I've been captavated with every chapter! I do have something I'm confused about, though.
Alicorns are said to have the magic of all three tribes, but as far as I can tell, Gustopha only has unicorn and pegasus magic. Will that be an issue later, or did Doctor Thanamus find a way around that? Or do alicorns just work differently in this universe?
It's fine if this is spoiler territory though! Thanks for writing such an amazing fic! <3
11725094
1) I'm glad you like it! I usually write much lighter fics so I'm glad this one's really grabbed people.
2) There's no physical element of an earth pony at play, but she does have earth pony magic. Her aptitude for studying farming had to come from somewhere. ;)
Well, you've got me hooked with this story.
I look forward to the next chapter!
Brilliant story! Currently reading this at about 3 in the morning my time, and I just couldn't stop. Wasn't sure about the name Gustopha at first, but it's grown on me.
I do hope the Doctor gets some manner of comeuppance later on, and I'm eager to see the next chapter! Keep up the great work!
11730226
I'm so glad you're enjoying it! You're in for a good ride, because Act II alone is roughly 50,000 words. I'll be posting it over the next few weeks. ^^
11730227
Also glad I've managed to make this story engaging! As said above, there'll be plenty to sink your teeth into eventually.
As for the doctor, I've plans for him. I won't spoil anything juicy, but Gustopha isn't rid of him yet.
Added a hand-drawn cover image.
My ineptitude at image creation is more pronounced than my ineptitude at writing, so hopefully it's alright.
A new chapter? The day after I read the whole thing? Welp, time to go read it again! Thank you!
I'm glad the situation with Celestia has been resolved, and having the scenes where Gustopha interacts with non-royal, non-psychopath ponies were a treat.
Keep up the good work!
11730729
I generally pre-write my stories and then edit/post them over a period of time (or all at once if they're shorter pieces), however The False Goddess is so long (act II alone is nearly as long as the first arc of Cauldron Valley put together) that I've opted to release acts as I finish writing them instead. Hopefully I'll be able to stretch act II enough that there isn't a huge wait for act III. ^^"
I rather hope this doesn't go the direction I fear it might.
Wel done!
11733193
It's okay. People in power have never, EVER repeated horrible actions throughout history, after all.
(I'll be honest, I expected a stronger reaction to Gustopha just making a new pony race.)
11733279
The fear is they won't stay a pony race. And what Gustopha did is somewhat akin to kitbashing ships, so that makes a degree of sense. The whole thing smacks of someone wanting to complete her task (clearing the blight) as quickly and safely as possible, so she turns to the grafting. Time will tell if that goes as well as she hopes, or in the direction I fear. Feels like this could be the origin of Timberwolves.
Side note, approximately how old is Gustopha? I'm guessing either early teens, or just before.
11733296
As of her ascension, Gustopha was around 10 years old. Her accelerated aging has affected this in some ways, but she's still a child at heart trying to figure shit out while also being a princess.
Nicely done! I've always been a fan of the "Playing with power you can't control" trope, and it's performed well here. I do wish we'd gotten a name for the personification of the Blight, but that'll probably happen later. It's stats as a fundamental opposite/rival to Gustopha is well deserved. Glad there's an antagonist with teeth here.
Keep it up!
11733987
The blight's "antagonist" being nameless is intentional, given that it's a force of nature more than a pony.
In layman's terms, "Nyet, comrade, blight is blight."
Dr. Thanamus was the monster.
11734207
He certainly does put off that sort of vibe, doesn't he?
Things are taking a very interesting turn recently.
I look forward to seeing what the diplomacy will bring.
11735819
I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! Admittedly, I'm a bit evil with the cliffhanger on this one; this marks the end of Act II, so I'll be radio silent until I get Act III done. Stay tuned!
She should probably station a few Blightsbane verdants from her guard to hang around as well, since Halley is pretty defenseless at the moment.
God chapter!
11741647
Well, they're planting fixed Blightsbane trees at the moment, which will repel the blight naturally. "Defenseless" is a bit of a misnomer.
Ohhh.... Don't be such a baby, ribs grow back.
(No zey don't)
"It was a bit hot for her liking, but it felt wonderful on her aching muzzles."
By all that is holy under the sun....did the maniac sow on another muzzle?
(Great story by the way, i just thought this particular typo was funny considering the story....)
11754813
Somehow I missed that. That IS really funny, in-context. XD
11754787
Close. I imagine the voice reference for Dr. Thanamus to be something like Dr. Steiner from Call of Duty: Black Ops.
Yyeey...another wonderfull chapter. Just what i needed today.
Now the harsh part.... I do not know how much experience the author has with writing, if it is one of his/her first stories then congrats.... But i have to say it is missing something, it's not a straight up banger like some of the other stories.
Its definitely interesting and there is a lot happening in there not lacking in imagination, it looks just like a story written for fun (and the publishing is just a bonus) as it visits a lot of topics and puts the MC in many new situations, as the fantasy of the author flows from one to another. Now comes the but....
But, it's not exactly a very thrilling story now is it. There are many things that happen to the MC and she usualy overcomes them with maturity and grace, usualy within a chapter or two and usualy to the baffelment of other characters (the changelings or now the spirit-cult/appreciation group for example) the in universe characters even coment about it being unusual (the MC is still 11 and one would expect some wisdom can not be reached by studying and accelerated growth).
Or there are some stakes set (for example the two caretakers from the very begining being basicaly "owned" by the doctor, but then he lets them go even telepprting them himself.... All it takes is a bit of a stern attitude from the MC and the up till then domineering "villain" who used to hit her and demand to know if she was conspiring with celestia, he just lets her go?!?) but then are seemingly resolved very quickly and with not much of a "pay-off" or consequences. I mean the MC is constantly doubting herself, at one point even decides to run off from celestia, who at that point is fairly grief struck and emotionaly unstable.... But a few days(chapters) later they act very matured, make up and that's that.... They even manage to "make up" with Luna by sending a couple letters to the moon (a thing asumedly never done before).
Its not always big things too, i mean, at one point celestia decides to "visit" the doctor because doesn't trust him anymore (an obvious place for some conflict) but when she arrives to see her new sister being drowned....she just belives him and goes to sleep in her sisters room??
What i want to say is that the story is a great adventure, with n interesting premise, lots of worldbuilding and character interaction, interesting new plot devices (new magic, new pony types, the blight and its sentience, luna adapting the moon ponies and making a kingdom instead of being alone, whatever the doctor is doing offscreen, the changelings not having a mad villain as queen, etc.) but it doesn't have many plottwists.... more like it has places where there are "plot speedbumps" and places where there are "plot derailments" or the MC kinda powers through to a good/interesting outcome with not exactly plot armour but more like "will of the all seing author" helping along the way.
Now don't let that discourage you... The story definitely deserves a like (and at the time of writing definitely more than 21 likes it currently has) and i will be following for as long as you decide to write (and enjoy it along the way), i don't know if my rant is any help but mabye giving a bit more thought about the "villains journey" or "what if the universe/luck said no to the MC" instead of the "MC point of view" would be beneficial? You don't even have to put it into writing, but having it happen "in universe" might be interesting. Or you already did that and have a big confrontation planned out and being prepared off-screen, what do i know, you are the author....
Basicaly i will be waiting for whatever you write next.... I wish you a lot of inspiration and no writer's blocks.
Edit: wow, this is quite a long rant when i view it outside of the editor.... I hope it's not too "author bashing'
11761345
So, first of all, thank you for the kind words; it means a lot that you've stuck around to read 100,000+ words of my story at all.
I guess the major remark I have here is that I'm not a storywriter; story flow doesn't come very naturally to me at all, so when I do make something decently paced and coherent it's likely more serendipity than any amount of skill. I, in general, prefer worldbuilding (hence why this story adds things like the new pony tribes, the concept of core magic, et cetera), and I tend to chase the fastest conduits to allow me to worldbuild more. This is kind of what happened with the spirit cult especially, since I have more worldbuilding I want to write/share but can't get to it yet, which kinda drove me to rush the scene. I might rewrite it eventually, but I know if I try to do it before doing the other things I want to do it'll end up just as wonkily-paced, if not worse.
I do agree that having a soft-focus on Gustopha's POV does limit the story in some ways, but at the point I've realized the limits that focusing on what Gustopha does has, it's kind of too late to make an appreciable change (especially mid-act). I'm going to try to keep it consistent for now, for better or worse.
As a small aside, I apparently need to get better at making timeskips obvious. As of this chapter, two years has passed since Gustopha's 11th birthday. I'll try to keep that in mind. ^^"
Thank you for the in-depth (and more importantly, constructive) criticism, though. I'm always trying to improve my writing (especially since this is the first time I've really dug in and made a proper, grand-scale story, with stakes beyond just the characters and their locale), so the detailed analyses are very appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to write out all your thoughts; hopefully it doesn't just feel like screaming into the void. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I have some more toothsome plot points cooking for the near future. A third time, thank you for all your input. ^^
11761765
Hey, as long as it's fullfilling to you, write whatever you like.... I just see some of the struggles and (not being an author myself) like to point them out and "pick around for solutions".
In regards to the "its too late to change a lot of the things you said" i did not mean for you to change them.... Just keep them in mind for the future (but not to the point of having a writers block) a word "on the paper" is worth 10 unwritten. And from my experience the reader will find something to like (and hate) in almost any story.
11761789
True words, my friend; true words. Thank you for your support regardless, it means a lot; I hope you'll enjoy the story through to the end, regardless of its flaws.
I just finished reading what you have writtenð€ša very interesting story for certain but there is so much in it over a short period of time no suspense or mysteries of any kind, usually when a situation arises it's delt with in the same chapter it appears in so no real stakes are involved.
Been re-reading this, and one thing kinda bothers me. Gustopha never mentions any kind of grudge or ill will towards Celestia for leaving her to drown for an entire day. Maybe she's just that forgiving, but Gistopha clearly knew Celestia was there, and chose not to help her in what must have felt like a life or death situation.
11793029
Gustopha's largely still "figuring things out" at this point to be fair, but she is generally quite forgiving (a similar thing happens later on).
11793402
Hey is this story still going, it's been awhile since I've seen an update on it?
11774668
I will admit that pacing isn't my strong suit; I'm used to the much more frenetic style of writing that roleplaying (see: co-operative storytelling) offers. Hopefully it's not unenjoyably fast-paced.
11807638
I'll be honest, I pretty much just fell off the face of the earth when it came to writing due to a combination of work and taking time to re-evaluate my relationship with writing.
I don't want to hype anything up but I've recently (as of tonight) opened the document for this story for the first time since the turn of the year and written about 700 words. I can't promise it'll be back to the "5000 word chapters twice a week or faster" pace I used to upload this story in, but I'd like to settle into a comfy rhythm and try to finish the last bit of this story.