This was even more easier to read through then last time with, things being more clear on what's happening, with characters intention being more clear; punctuation is still a major issue, I think you would need to put your writing through a text to speech program to better know when to break your sentences into smaller chunks. In any case I had a little difficulty recognizing the personality and speech patterns of most the Mane Six, sounding very similar to each other in tone and actions. With more the previous writing issues out of the way making it easier to read through, other issues that were previously less noticeable before cropped up, like how you present characters coming in the scene like the AJ and PP who just came in and not do any of their characteristic flare and mannerisms in their action which makes them feel more like mouth pieces. An other example is Shining Armor Who is supposed to be a Captain of the guard and really doesn't sound bothered in whatever situation is happening to the princess or the Everfree Forest, which shows you still have trouble conveying characters personalities and intentions at the moment.

I would also add that despite what is supposed to being a Human in Equestria story there doesn't seem to be much human elements going along and you could strip that part out and the story would basically be functionally the same, making it feel like a bait and switch. if it is a HiE story then the story should focus more on the protagonist POV and what mess he is in, at least for the time being.

While you are certainly improving in your writing dude, I think you currently have the issue of not knowing how to plan out your chapter and on what elements to focus to bring out the characters personalities to the forefront. My suggestion would be you try LISTEN to people fanfics or audiobooks and not how they make sure on how they present different characters in a story, listen to the words used to describe their action and thoughts and so on. Keep it up man.

I am not one to give anyone a hard time about punctuation. Normal. I run these stories threw a text to voice reader. So I can listen while working. Podcast style. May I say, the run on sentences of it all. It's not as bad as the writer that would make, the equivalent of, a 12 sentence long paragraph. That did not have a single punctuation mark of any kind. That was hard to listen to.

Interesting story so far.

Weeeeee old gods are waking up