A Human gets transported into equestria after dying in a car crash and wake up as god an Alicorn who soon finds out he has strange powers and a voice in his head
While the writing has improved noticeable in the chapter this time around with a more consistent use of punctuations, which really helped to to slow down the pacing and making it more understand what is going on in the story thankfully. It could still use some more punctuations in between sentences to show a shifting in ideas, but it's more barrable at least.
The character exposition is mostly understandable, if a bit weirds in places, like Celestia's apparent meekness, it does reflect the reality warping effect that leaf has around him. For the Mane Six part, taking place during the pilot episode, wasn't so bad, but could have used a little bit more exposition in how they look like and what are their intentions in traversing the Everfree Forest in the first place, even if we all know what is going on and that they are after NMM, it helps to solidify what they are like in this fic. It's obvious that leaf wasn't there to give us a clear subjective impression what he thinks of the M6, but I think focusing it more on Twilight's POV on them would have helped take on that role to define the rest of the Mane 6, even if the narration tried to subtilty convey it through the dialogue, which is mostly pretty well done. That is just how I personally prefer in my readings at least.
For the story it is interesting to see that Leaf is sharing a body with someone else to explain what it going on, and I do find it interesting that this reality warping is partly a dream/time capsule for him, and seems to be limited to the area of the Everfree forest for the time being at least. I wonder if it's as much a prison for him, then a mausoleum of memories and events that Leaf is trapped in and what could have triggered it in the first place and could there be a darker side to this as well.
Keep it up dude you are steadily improving, best of luck to you.
I’m having trouble understanding what happened between this chapter and the previous. Was there a time skip? Or did the Everfree city get the same deal as the Crystal Empire?
While the writing has improved noticeable in the chapter this time around with a more consistent use of punctuations, which really helped to to slow down the pacing and making it more understand what is going on in the story thankfully. It could still use some more punctuations in between sentences to show a shifting in ideas, but it's more barrable at least.
The character exposition is mostly understandable, if a bit weirds in places, like Celestia's apparent meekness, it does reflect the reality warping effect that leaf has around him. For the Mane Six part, taking place during the pilot episode, wasn't so bad, but could have used a little bit more exposition in how they look like and what are their intentions in traversing the Everfree Forest in the first place, even if we all know what is going on and that they are after NMM, it helps to solidify what they are like in this fic. It's obvious that leaf wasn't there to give us a clear subjective impression what he thinks of the M6, but I think focusing it more on Twilight's POV on them would have helped take on that role to define the rest of the Mane 6, even if the narration tried to subtilty convey it through the dialogue, which is mostly pretty well done. That is just how I personally prefer in my readings at least.
For the story it is interesting to see that Leaf is sharing a body with someone else to explain what it going on, and I do find it interesting that this reality warping is partly a dream/time capsule for him, and seems to be limited to the area of the Everfree forest for the time being at least. I wonder if it's as much a prison for him, then a mausoleum of memories and events that Leaf is trapped in and what could have triggered it in the first place and could there be a darker side to this as well.
Keep it up dude you are steadily improving, best of luck to you.
Not the windows ðŸ˜
I’m having trouble understanding what happened between this chapter and the previous. Was there a time skip? Or did the Everfree city get the same deal as the Crystal Empire?