Good concept!! I would take into account that your pacing is a bit rushed though. This amount of progression would better flow if it were spread out over 2 maybe 3 chapters. Other than that, you have an interesting story that could be popular if done right.

Not bad, a bit rushed but good nonetheless.

>Arrives in new world as alicorn
>Is already the prince of some kind of independent state in the everfree
>Immediately defeats an ancient and experienced threat by getting a bit angry
Oh yeah, now this is an OP OC fic in the making
64.media.tumblr.com/e4cd01071f47e7d3ab88e8cad9c506d6/a853671ea7ecf953-72/s2048x3072/c426eb73f3eb4089386051440aaa5a19201868fc.jpg

Looking forward to where this goes 👍

Change the rated to M man,
We have gore scene here

Interesting story, but could desperately use more punctuations for the sentences, to allow a breather and slow down flow of the reading for the reading for the pacing. If you would like some help with that, I would suggest that you try out a text program like Balabolka, yes it's totally free. For the story I do like the concept of the guy reshaping reality, and himself into into making him this worlds prince due to some uncontrolled god like powers. I still have some trouble making sense of what it going one but I am looking forward to see how it could shape out. Keep it up dude, best wishes to your story.

11724323
It's a nice change in my book.

Grammar is really rough.

Was John possessed or was the alicorn’s spell responsible for an accidental switch of bodies?