A child by the name of Spike has always cared about his caretaker Twilight Sparkle and they've always been close in Ponyville. But when she became a princess, everything changed, she became more demanding, and Spike is going to go on a journey of self-discovery to determine what truly matters in life and who to stand by
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm interested. We'll see where this goes.
However, I think the descriptions of Twilight and Spike were unnecessary. We already know then enough. That bit was just a waste of letters.
That was... very short.
Still, I will see where this leads to. Hatred between species is stupid (when the 'why' is a stupid reason) but it's also an interesting topic in stories.
At this point Twilight is feeling more and more OOC. (Out of Character.)
Stress or not, she would never say things like that.
It also doesn't help that aside from Twilight, every other character seems to be more rational.
You really should make chapters a bit longer.
And Twilight went full OOC route here. I know that there will be (or maybe not) an explanation as to why she behaves like this, but seriously, you need to do something about it. If she is going to be like that just for the sake of the story, then it's not worth it.
At this point I have to ask...
Why you paint Twilight like a villain?
What is the purpose of this story? I know Spike will leave soon, but I still don't get why Twilight is missing 90% of her brain in this story.
The purpose of the story is to not lose sight in what is important Twilight has done so and this story was written to show the point of view of Spike. Some people like the idea of panting Twilight to be the villian due to Spike being seen more as an assisant in the story so that's what the story is about.
I hope twilight will get it but this twilight is a brat.
God, I hoped this wouldn’t turn into a story demonising Twilight man. I really hoped it wouldn’t go there.