- Member Since 4th Jun, 2019
- offline last seen Yesterday
The Loner
The world of fantasy is where I feel at home, where I can write whatever I want and not feel judged by the world
The Loner
Joined 4th Jun, 2019 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I do apologize for any problems or inconsistencies in this story, so please let me know and I will do my best to fix them.
11737188
i just want chapter 3 :)
11737468
I second that:D
Also is this story in second person or first? With the backstory and personality the protagonist has, and the lack of a second person tag, it looks a first person story. But when the story refers to the protagonist, it refers to him as “you” so that makes it a second person story.
Can you clarify for me please?
11737704
Good question, as I don't really understand the difference between second person and first, but I was just planning on writing this story so that it would help the reader feel like part of the story. Which is why I used 'You' instead of I, but I did just look it up and I should put a second-person tag on it.
Kind of buns me out there's no love for romance in this one but still a good story so far
11737841
...not yet anyway lol.
11737841
Don't you think your being a bit premature? Were only three chapters in.
Monk
"if Celestia is the nation’s mother, then Luna is its bitter aunt who hangs around renaissance fairs and World War II reenactments." -Some Dickhead (authors actual name)
I really wish that when Authors do crossovers that they add the sentence; "This is a crossover with [Harry Potter, LOTR, Overlord, Deepthroat]," to the description. It helps the reader decide if they want to read it.
Monk
"You had a therapist once, and she made you stop coming after you told her about your childhood. Apparently she just didn’t need that kind of negativity in her life." -amphetanon
11739551
Before I read, can you tell me what this crossover's with?
Don't be afraid to spoil me
A little Nigel I have with this chapter: I feels like the story is beating the readers over the head with “he has issues/ let me show you. This feels strange, for someone who has suffered a lot you would think he would try to avoid talking about them and or trying to avoid people finding out.
11739584
You do make a good point. I can change it quite a bit, but the encounter will happen very differently. Therefore causing the chapter to be a bit on the lame side, but since you feel that the character is not acting as he should, I will make the change.
11739572
My point was that we should be warned upfront what the crossing property is. Me for instance, I have never once read a single star wars or power rangers crossover with FIM that was even worth using as wrapping paper. So, if I come across a story and it has the courtesy to tell me its a star wars cross, I know to just skip it and move on. There are other properties where readers cant stand the characters, like the Twilight books, movies. (Not the unicorn, the sparkling vampire one) No one wants the nasty surprise of reading three quarters of a chapter, only to realize you're reading sparkling vampires.
Monk.
"To be honest, hormones have the backing of countless generations of evolution; thus, they can and will trump common sense or even self-preservation with disturbing regularity." -Dogger807
11739651
Just answer the question, what does this crossover with?
11739655
If you don't intend to read it, WOW.
Never played WOW, but I'm mostly sure its WOW. Yep, WOW.
Monk
“Her hands were still bound with rope, she debated an escape before all the stupidity gave her an aneurysm.” -Scarheart
11739659
Ahh thank you. I was worried it was hairy potter or something like that
I always hated those movies
11739644
No no it is your story if you feel this is important then keep it. this is just some thing that I thought was a bit odd.
11739726
It's alright, what you said really did make sense to me once I thought about it some more. I will have to try harder to convey how Arthas (Blistering Blizzard) is coping with the nightly visits of reliving his past crimes.
There, the newly partially rewritten chapter 3 has been re-published.
I hope that blizzard becomes a father figure for Spike.
Once again, I didn't mean to make the chapter that freaking long. At least I got that big misadventure crammed into a chapter...
Yeah imma just say this: that scene goes far beyond the limitations for the Teen rating in regards to sexual content.
11764559
thanks for catching that, I didn't realize I forgot to change it.
i wonder what kind of drama will happen at the Gala
Will be something glorious i bet
11737841
What do you mean? He got married already.
11737704
Yeah I was going to bring this up as well..
Author you keep switching back and forth between 2nd person and 1st in the same scenes when you both mention the MC and write from the perspective of the MC.
Isn’t it his second kiss? Windego spirit wife getting no love
wasn’t Applejack the only one who talked to him at the party so it should be more like “glad to see ya again,” ?
Also where’s his wife Chilly Gale?
that cute Snow Pegasus shouldn’t be hidden away.
Still waiting on him and twilight talking about him taking her. Also still no love for his first wife after all these months?
11766319
To be clear, he isn't married to her. What is going on with those two is that her soul was fused with his which altered the makeup of his own soul.
11766428
I skipped putting that bit into the story, but it has happened already.
11766323
Sorry, can't help it, it would be too challenging to attempt to write it all in one or the other.
11766354
I will correct that bit you caught though, thanks.
11766711
so the two soul fused beings that spent two years together and sealed the pact with a blood kiss didn’t get married?
11766864
nope, and he considers the kiss with the windigo his first with a spiritual being, not an actual corporeal being. I know, I know, I'm splitting hairs with the writing...so deal with it :P
I do apologize to everyone for chapter 4 being much shorter than I intended.
MC becomes a troll
What a bold move he I thought the view was quite nice
He's taking a lot of bold actions when it's towards mare and and I like to have him Spike spend some time
I wonder if he got her pregnant
11773792
unfortunately....no, because the light can't undo the ravages of time. That would be in the realm of the bronze dragonflight, though I doubt they would be able to do that.
I generally like how him and Spike are spending time together. I thought he was going to make Spike armor to wear with the sword and shield.
Watch out she's engaged!
I was interested, until I saw it was second person. Oh well, good luck to you, author.
Bruh Huh? H-He didn't.... No. No he Didn't.... Did he just?
11779227
lol I hope you understood the subtle and not-so-subtle clues that I left in that chapter, or do I need to be a little more up front?
11778800
Why don’t you like the second person form of writing?
Having him kiss stallion was funny and weird at the same time
11779458
wow, no one caught the hints. I'm surprised lol. The two stallion guards are actually mares lol.
11779464
i did know but i decided to not say anything.
i was curios if anyone els was eble to look past the illusion magic those guards have on there armor.