UltraSynWeave
Joined 11th Oct, 2022 ·
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Huh. A strong opening and an interesting hook, given Applejack's word choice. I'm only passingly familiar with WoW, but I'll keep an eye on this one.
11393970
I wasn't really sure how to get the accent across in text but I was trying, if you have suggestions to improve it I'd be down to hear them out.
11394146
Oh, you pulled off the accent quite well. Certainly better than some attempts, including some of mine. I meant more how what appears to be a human is still calling herself a pony. It implies something screwy's going on, and the mystery has me engaged for further chapters.
you have gotten my attention and I will keep a eye on this story.
alright, i am curious what will happen next.
hopefully the surprise party won't cause any kind of PTSD for our pour former death knight.
but a bit of chaos won't hurt tho
11429465
Glad the story has held your interest for the moment :)
looks like the burning legion is at work here..... interesting.
Luna only won because it was a dream, i think the outcome would be very different if they fought outside of the dream.
good chapter.
Glad I found this, loving the story so far! Into my library you go!
11452584
Glad you’re enjoying it so far!
Thanks for the update!
The Changeling's are making there move earlier than expected
a welcoming surprise.
Another great chapter love the story so far.
11465794
Glad you’re liking it!
Maybe not be quite so vague in the physical description of a character (like you did with Applejack for instance in this chapter) and be a bit more descriptive?
I know I personally like it when an author gives a good,solid physical description during the initial introduction of a character in their story (height,physical build,eye/hair and skin/coat color,hair length/style ect.) to help me try and build a better picture of the character in my mind.
I imagine at least some others might like a good,detailed physical character description as well. I was admittedly a bit dissapointed with the description initially then a bit confused without a more detailed physical description of AJ,when the MC had no real kind of reaction to her physical appearance (I was admittedly expecting an anthro version of Applejack to answer the door and thought the human tag was just for the main character).
Or at least that was the case up until AJ talked about "not seeing many new ponies" with the MC questioning that and thinking to himself it was a strange comment since she looked human like he did. But other than that though I didn't really see anything that blatantly stuck out to me in this chapter,it was good work overall so far as I could see.
11470041
Oh yeah I do see what you mean, I can definitely work on that in the future and could come back and update things a bit yeah. Thanks for that feedback!
11470206
No problem,thanks a lot for taking my comment/feedback so well (some people just unfortunately don't take even helpful/constructive criticism very well) and into suggestion. I'm seriously looking forward to seeing you improve in that particular area and the tweaks/updates you make later.
Happy writing Ultra.
Thanks for the updates!
Hey, thanks a bunch for the shout out, Ultra. Glad I could help you to improve the quality of both your writing and the story just a bit. Good work on those updates to your story's previous chapters b.t.w.
I wish you very happy future writing and that you continue improving both yourself, and the quality of your work, as you go along the way. With this story being successful and having as many more chapters, which people really enjoy reading; that you can stand to write.
For being your first fic it has actually been a pretty good story so far, though. Minus the obvious little bumps in the road that new authors will most likely have.
11429465
Propeply gonna have PTSD.
11451489
I agree.
Another great chapter.
Thanks for the update!
This is great.
Yeah, the MC was a total dumbass in this chapter to put on that ring. If it was me then I'd have given that ring right back to Luna and told her where to shove the damned thing in front of everybody. Because I really, really don't trust Luna in this story after her little display of open hostility, threats and then simply pretending it never happened after Celestia came in the door.
Then when Luna inevitably had a shit fit over my response and Celestia questioned me on my actions / reaction I'd tell her about Luna's little "discussion" she had with me before she showed up. That and her actually having the audacity to violate the sanctity of my mind itself, without my express consent and that was why I acted the way I did.
Ponies treating people really dirty like that without any just cause or any proven wrongdoings is quite a large part of why those people normally turn on them at some point and become a villain. Thereby bringing the ponies' worst fears to life or at best the people simply wash their hands completely of the ponies, adamantly refusing to have anything else to do with them. That being something that was caused by the ponies' own idiotic actions, which they took in an attempt to avoid such an outcome from happening. I believe that is known as a self fulfilling prophecy.
I honestly would have put both Luna for invading my mind like that and then Twilight as well for running her mouth on such a sensitive subject to me on my personal permanent shit list. That discussion with Twilight would have been the very last time I ever interacted with her in any kind of civil manner, with me avoiding her like a plague ridden demoness from hell. Then if she tried to push any interactions on me after that I'd tell her to either piss off and leave me alone, or I'd either turn her into a pony kabob with my sword or I'd use necromancy to turn her annoying ass into a mindless and soulless undead abomination from hell.
And Luna barging her way into my mind like that would have made me treat her in a similar way to Twilight, regardless of her station as a princess and the potential of her snapping and coming at me and potentially killing me. Because even if you happen to have the highest level of authority in the land, there is just some things you simply do not do to people.
That is not to even mention that Luna is being a pretty big hypocrite about the MC and his situation as well. She should know better than anyone what it is like to have done bad things and want to try and put that horrible part of your past behind you and try to be better than before, but people simply refuse to let you do that and just keep on dragging it up and throwing it in your face. Not allowing you to have a second chance to try and move past all that and try to start over with a fresh start.
Hell by Luna's own logic she currently shouldn't even be wearing her crown as she is or bearing the title of "Princess of The Night" either. Oh no, because according to her logic she should have been immediately detained after being purified by the Elements following her return, instead of her just being forgiven and welcomed back with open arms after everything she did. Then she should have been put on trial and had her Royal /Princess status and all her assets completely stripped from her and had her crown (the physical one) taken away as well. Finally she should have been put under constant guard to make sure she didn't misbehave or she should have potentially even been banished permanently from Equestria altogether or thrown into the deepest and darkest dungeon Celestia could find to put her in.
I seriously lost a lot of respect for this version of Princess Luna in this fiction, because she basically is being super judgemental and hostile towards someone who is exactly like she was. Somebody who fell to darkness, was corrupted and did some pretty bad things in their past, but who was thought worthy of and was given a second chance. Who was currently trying to move on and start over again, attempting to be a better person this time around as well and do right by everybody. Luna though just seems to be completely blind to all of that and doesn't seem to be able to see the similarities between the two of them and it's like she just doesn't even give a damn about any of it either.
Might need an anthro tag
Welp I was potentially interested, then it turns out to be Anthro and all my interest is immediately killed.
11663836
I share the sentiment, I'm not really into anthro fics, but I'll give this one a try, maybe you will too
11663836
And thats where you're wrong. Your comment led me to believe this was an anthro fic. Its not. Not only do they have human faces, they also have feet. So not anthro, but Humanized Equestria.
I never saw the point of taking the pony completely out of Equestria. It kind of defeats the purpose. Anthro is at least still somewhat pony.
Monk
11752703
Aha, funny seeing you here monk.
11663836
I was looking for other dk stories and excitedly started this one... I missed the anthro tag and only just noticed
11856953
Ill be here till the site closes or I drop dead. Which ever comes first.
Monk
"9 P.M. Groaning, I pushed myself from my chair, grabbing my magic staff- in case there would be some vengeful midgets- I walked to the front of the door," -SoothingCoffee