When some birds are born
Their mothers throw them from the sides of the nest
And tell them to fly.
An entry for the Thousand Words contest. Stop being weird. This is serious.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 17th Jun, 2017
- offline last seen 23 minutes ago
The Red Parade
Cars are still parked outside. If the rapture had happened, why was it unrecognizable? Why was the sky blue? Why did no one tell me? Do these things not announce themselves?
The Red Parade
Joined 17th Jun, 2017 ·
Offline
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In just 1000 words, you manage to paint a vivid picture of the void at the heart of Lightning Dust's philosophy; if you are defined by what you succeed at, if it is a "fly or die" world, there's nothing to fall back on if you fail, even for reasons outside of your control. A philosophy that defines people by the fact that they are people, warts and all, is thus more resilient than one where either you're a winner or a loser. In the former, if you fail you're still a person, still an agent capable of changing their circumstances. In the latter, though, either you fly or you die, leaving you devastatingly vulnerable to misperceptions such as glass walls or chance in the form of random gusts of wind. Rather than freeing the individual to become their best, Lightning Dust's philosophy yokes its believers to random chance, tying their self-worth to a roll of the dice. The philosophy that we live in a dog-eat-dog, fly-or-die world isn't just wrong, it fails in its main goal, that being the unchaining of the individual. It's both repugnant (if you're a winner, why should you bother listening to losers?) and pathetic. I can only hope that, as she chases her dreams into the abyss, as the phantoms behind her eyes chant "fly or die" as they call her to join them, Lightning Dust is able to leave this nightmarish worldview behind and find peace in another, better one.
I love the mixture of colors by the end. The way the words are recontextualized through Lightning Dust’s experiences really gives insight to the world view of someone in her position; the pressure, the desire to rise to meet those expectations, the inevitable failure and bitterness of defeat are all portrayed succinctly and elegantly and in a melting pot of prose and poetry. The colors and unique spacing only amplify the word’s meaning.
Dividing the text into three sections using the definition of the different layers of the atmosphere was well executed. At first they seem only tangentially relevant, but I think they can be equated to the different layers of Lightning’s perspective. The troposphere is the mundane reality of her existence, the stratosphere is the far away dream she’s striving for and the mesosphere is the unknowable future. At least that’s how I saw it.
Nice work! Faved!
Wow, just, wow. Such a weird, weird, touching line. I bow my head to this brilliant piece. "Isn't phenomena the plural form of phenomenon, though? Is that intentional?
This was really well done, with the different texts showing growing tension, and of course the line about lightning dust really stood out.
oh i do absolutely love this being the oath that the Wonderbolts do
ooh that does not sound like the Lightning Dust we’ve come to know!
rip
ooh, great pegasus worldbuilding! a ready-made challenge
and aww, the colors reflecting the influences behind each of Lightning Dust’s thoughts here, very cool!
and ooh, the way the electrical phenomena seen in each layer themselves fit the themes of the colors is very cool
and ooh, new color. contextually, the Washouts?
hey that’s the horse!
and ooh, love how all the elements introduced in the story so far come together to form this section, just like how all the different strands of Lightning Dust converge onto this moment so close to ambition and death. i think this might actually be my favorite study of Lightning Dust out of any of the ones i’ve ever read, this whirlwind of thoughts being a truer reflection of her than anything i can think of. thank you for writing!
Brilliant work with descent through the spectrum—for Lightning’s life will always be defined and defeated by rainbows—representing loss of altitude and loss of purpose, from the ideals of the oath to a death wish in disguise (even if the title gives a hint.
) Even the fact that a story is read from top to bottom plays into the theme. Thank you for a breathtaking piece in multiple senses, and congrats on the silver.
Hello! Here's your courtesy note for my review of this. This was my favourite of all the fics of yours I read from this contest. Gripping and worrying, and I thought the non-standard formatting enhanced the story. Faved!