Let's give this another go.
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Long ago, ponies stood alone in the face of evil. With no heroes to call upon, direr actions had to be taken. And thus, a gullible unicorn's aspirations for peace and justice led her into contact with forces beyond her meager understanding.
This story was written for the Thousand Words Story Contest (Drama Category).
I thank the anonymous users of /fimfic/ for their continued help and support.
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I bet she used cursive, too.
I liked this. I hope it fares well.
I liked that there was a vividiness to the prose though, if I would say a criticism it would be when reading...
Well...
It would be the lack of single word or, sparsely worded sentence...that kind emphasis that bring's out a character mood? The aches and pain's? The lingering memory's? What have you...it would fleshed out your character without really detracting from the word count. Though, perhap's you said what all you wanted to say?
As it is this is a good piece writing that I think could have a little bit better with my two cent's.
This was one of my favorite entries in the contest for both premise (excellent) and it's prose.
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Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Hey, thanks a lot for taking the time to write down your thoughts. I can kind of see what you mean in regards to the lack of a clear emotion. I was hoping to litter small bits and pieces of actions that showed the protagonist's mental state in how she spoke and conducted herself, but maybe I could have been more explicit. I do agree that it could have been better, and I'll try to do better in the future.
Still, thank you for your compliments, I'm happy you enjoyed it despite its flaws.
ooh that’s a quarter for the “refulgent” jar!
disconcerting!
ooh, a Gusty the Great story! we don’t get enough of those
always love quotes that almost involve the phrase “my little pony”
oh fascinating! i wonder what word looks like “Grievances” when badly hoofwritten
hehe, so this is the origin of Discord as well? that would fit the description of the voice earlier
the days of ponies before Equestria are shrouded in so much mystery, and by all accounts seem to be a time that was much grimmer than the pastel paradise of the ponies of the modern day. and this story does a good job in illustrating that. thank you for writing!
As a general rule, if any of your ritual’s implements scream as you’re performing it, make absolutely sure you want to see it to the end. This goes double if the screamer is written language. Wonderfully concerning detail.
Fantastic ritual in general. Every step of the way makes it clear both how bad an idea this is, and how desperate the ritualist must be. Incredibly evocative detail, especially in how Gusty didn’t even contact the right entity, and all the implications that will have down the road. I am a huge sucker for this kind of lavishly detailed inadvisably applied magic. Even if I weren’t, the fact that you made it fit in a thousand words is incredible in its own right. Thank you for this. It more than earned my judge prize.
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Thank you for commenting as well, I really appreciate the effort you've been making to leave your impressions on the contests' stories. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and yes, I do really like how intriguing the Equestrian past is. A glimpse into the world before it was turned into a paradise is always interesting to see, and it also allows my enjoyment for darker fantasy to coalesce in a setting that I already adore.
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Hey, FOME, thank you very much for everything, both your comment and your nomination for the judge prize. I was not expecting it at all, I must say. However, as someone who has followed your work for many years I am honored to be on the receiving end of your praise. I have to thank you too, and I am very glad that you enjoyed my work. You certainly got everything I was going for with the story, which is always a welcome sight for any author, amateur or experienced.
Hello! Belatedly posting courtesy notes for the reviews I did of the recognised stories in this contest. Here's yours. I like the idea, the characters and the G1 link, but it just feels a little wordy and undramatic to me. As can be seen from FOME's comment, other views are available!
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Don't worry about the delay, nonetheless I really appreciate your input. Economical language is something I still struggle with, hitting that sweet spot between succinct and beautiful is rather hard for me. Pity the drama didn't hit as hard as I was hoping for, hopefully I'll get better. Thanks for taking the time to read it.