- Member Since 19th Dec, 2022
- offline last seen 35 minutes ago
Nudistsquid
call me olly lover of rarity and all gay honses, she/her I do not take free story requests
Nudistsquid
Joined 19th Dec, 2022 ·
Offline
Stats
Page generated in 0.083 seconds
Total duration
970 users online
2,267 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Loved this story and hope you write more but...
"Rarity shook her head, no, she could not afford to lose her composure, not during a life or death scenario like this. Regaining some clarity, she eyed her phone laying on the couch cushion next to her and realized oh wait, she could just call 9/11 and then run like-"
You might wanna change 9/11 to 9 1 1
11571854
haha yeah I probably should have caught that, fixed
and tysm for reading! Glad you enjoyed it!
indigent: Poor; destitute; in need.
indignant: Showing anger or indignation, especially at something unjust or wrong.
The term is "free rein" -- as in letting loose of the reins of a horse (and therefore your control) so that the horse can do what it wants.
The game is called Tirek's Revenge in canon. Also, while "revenge" and "vengeance" are fairly close synonyms, "revengeance" is considered nonstandard. (Honestly, I didn't even think it was a real word until I looked it up.)
You're missing an apostrophe there...
...but you can just move this one, because you don't need an apostrophe here.
Same thing: no apostrophe needed here. (I know it's a pain how inconsistent the language is sometimes.)
You wouldn't use a colon here unless you were giving the number of minutes. So you can either expand it to "8:00 AM" or simplify it to "8 AM".
Pretty sure you meant "empathetic" here.
There are a couple of cases of using "most" in front of a word that's already a superlative: "most nastiest", "most gaudiest". Also, the punctuation could use a little cleaning up in places. Overall, a very nice bit of work (and it earned my upvote), but it never hurts to have your stories looked over by someone with an eye for these things.
Finally, this one is probably just a matter of personal taste, but I'm old enough that it seems odd to me to see a term intended to demean gay men being used by/against lesbians. If I had been the one to write such a thing, I would have gone with "d**e" -- but that's just me. (Then again, I wouldn't have written something like this, 'cause I'm a cis/het guy who doesn't get to use those words or tell anyone who gets to reclaim what slurs, so you should probably just ignore this last paragraph anyway.)
Have said it multiple times throughout working on this but I love this story—both it's concept and execution. I may have helped you workshop this but you did all of the legwork and you did a marvelous job with it, dear. I'm very excited to keep working together and see what else you come up with!
11572161
First off, thank you for taking the time to point out my numerous typos, I figured there was stuff I probably missed even tho I read through it several times lol. You are right that the english language is frustratingly inconsistent, but I made almost all of the suggested changes. Only one I didn't change was the Tirek’s Revengeance bit. I know in the actual show it's just called Tirek’s Revenge, that was a deliberate lil gag refing an actual video game that had revengeance as a title and also implying that it's a sequel to Revenge.
As for your other comment, I used faggot cause Rarity- for lack of a better word- always comes off as exceptionally faggy to me lol (and I say that with the utmost love cause I am too). The whole scenario was based off a discord conversation, so I just expanded on it.
Thank you so much for reading and your feedback, I'm happy you enjoyed it!
11572518
Thank you so much babe!!! I mean it though when I say your encouragement kept me going when I was hitting a writing wall a few times. You're the best cheerleader a girl could have. And I'm very excited to keep working with you too
Very gay story. I enjoyed. Sunset trying to be mean but ending up just being goofy was a nice laugh.
11574495
Yeah that part was so much fun to write lol. Thank u for reading!
That Sunset has such a hard time being a bully even to someone who wants her to be is proof of how far she's come as a person.
...What the fuck did i just read?....Matter of fact, why did i enjoyed it so much? It was so bad, but at the same time, so, soo fucking good. I..I have questions that need answered. I am beyond confused. You know what? Think i might give your other works (if you have) a shot. I enjoyed that too much to just pass it over.
Edit: It seems you don't have any more works. Shame, i would have liked to read more. I actually enjoyed this one.
11821053
ofijsoifsjfs thank u for the kind review, this was a really nice thing to see when I hoped onto fimfiction just now lol. I'm really flattered you enjoyed it so much that you're disappointed I don't have anything else posted.
Don't wanna make any promises but I do have some projects I've been working on for the past several months so you may see something new from me in the near future.