The Search for the Fount Well of Wishes (Part 1)
Suffice to say, he did not get that much sleep. He kept waking himself up and going back to sleep. Did the Star that transported him here suddenly gave him sleep insomnia? He kept only thinking of the future of what is going to happen. He could only think back to the interaction with the Mane Six and Spike.
His interaction with Spike has been off with a rocky relationship. At first, he seemed chill with Wish, getting along about Twilight, talking about guy stuff, but then came in Rarity, who was being kind to him which oddly gave Spike enough jealousy, and when he tried to talk to him, asking him if he was okay, the only response from the young drake said through his teeth, “I’m fine.” I gotta find someway to help Spike and get him out of this jealousy. he thought to himself as he looked at the night sky from the window, Not to mention his greed induced bigness, that’s coming up in the next few episodes. Maybe Zecora could conjure up a potion or a pendant?
Speaking of Rarity, while he is appreciated by Rarity’s generosity, giving him a place to stay and a job that required his talent as an artist, that doesn’t mean that she’s practically perfect in every way possible. He remembers all too well about that one episode where she and Sweetie Belle had an argument about the Sister Hooves Social, seeing it too ‘uncouth,’ as she put it. There has to be some way to convince her to go. Maybe I could help Sweetie Belle for breakfast and maybe give her a boost of confidence to have them go?
Then there’s two of the stubborn ponies known to man, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Those two competitive knuckleheads are always shown to be rivals and friends, but sometimes they can get too competitive, especially with Rainbow Dash. She always been full of herself, especially with that huge ego she carries. There’s gotta be some sort of way that I can take that down a notch. And Applejack’s honesty is way too brutal, especially towards her friends. She seriously needs to be careful about what she says.
And of course, there’s Pinkie Pie, a whole bundle of energy and the defier of physics. While many of MLP community agrees that she’s the Deadpool of the show, breaking the boundaries and the fourth wall from time to time, he’s quite surprised that she hasn’t told anypony about his true identity. Probably might be the fact that her Pinkie Sense hasn’t gone off (though he has no idea what function that would be,), or, and he’s hoping it isn’t the case, that she already knows and she’s waiting for a Pinkie Promise to come around between the two of them. There’s no way she could already know. Though, her ability of making things pop out of nowhere could be useful, but I need to be careful whenever I’m around her.
Finally, Twilight Sparkle… where to start with her? Firstly, Lesson Zero, since she’s always uptight about sending a friendship letter to Princess Celestia every single day, it’s like it’s the norm to her! Not that he doesn’t mind, but he has to do something that would have make her slow her role of letter writing and sending. Then there’s the fact that she’ll become an Alicorn herself… yep, the good ol’ controversy and the divider decision in the community. But, should I let her be an Alicorn? I mean, if I do then there’s gonna be a lot of weight on her shoulders and take on way too many responsibilities at once!
So much to do, so many decisions needed to make, and isn’t taking into account to the future episodes. I really need to make myself a plan for the days ahead. he thought to himself as he got back into the bed, with small yawn, he fell back asleep.
It was close to ten o’clock in the morning, Applejack and Pinkie Pie had already prepared breakfast for everypony, scrambled eggs, hay-con strips, Applejack’s apple cinnamon rolls, and Pinkie Pie’s special make pancakes. Around Ponyville, both Applejack and Pinkie Pie are very well known for their banquets of food, and they were considered the best in all of Equestria.
The Mane 6, Spike, and Cutie Mark Crusaders were wide awake and enjoying their breakfast, but they eventually noticed that one pony isn’t present at the table.
“Does anypony know where Wishing Star is?” Asked Twilight looking around kitchen.
“Poor fella must’ve still be fallin’ asleep,” Applejack chuckles, “Ah’ll be bettin’ that the party must’ve taken a toll on ‘im. Applebloom, mind if ya’ll go wake him up an’ let him know breakfast is ready?”
“Sure thing sis!” AB says cheerfully as she excuses herself from the table, went upstairs and entered the guest bedroom. There he is, still under the covers and sleeping peacefully. “Wish?” She says to him and she shook him gently at first, the only response was a very tired groan from him. “Wishin’ Star?” She tries again, shaking him a little harder. Again, he groans.
Then Applebloom came up with an idea, so she went in to her room, grabbed her trumpet, she always keep it in case she needs it to wake up her sister or her fellow Crusaders. She went back in the guest bedroom, have the trumpet next to Wishing Star right at his midsection. She then inhales and blows through the mouth piece, playing a high note so loud, it caused the turquoise stallion yelp in surprise, landing on the floor with a thud on his rump.
“Great! Yer awake!” She says with pleased look on her face, “Big sis and Pinkie Pie’s made breakfast! See you at the table!”
As she leaves, Wishing Star just lays there on the floor, wondering how would he fall for the classic ‘Wake Up Call by the Trumpet,’ gag? He groggily gets up off the floor and went downstairs, seeing the happy faces as they all say in unison, “Wishing Star!” He just groans tiredly in response.
“Ya’ll alright pardner?” Applejack asked him, he just sat next to her and gave her a glare, she knows that look all too well as she chuckles, “Ya’ll got some sleep?”
Just seeing her that smug really wanted to grab her own rope and lasso her, tie her down to a bed and see how she likes it when a loud trumpet comes blaring through to her ears. After a sip of his coffee, he sighs and says, “Not really.” The cowpony’s amused look disappears and is replaced with concern, “Took a long while for me to reflect the previous week. I just can’t… help, but be grateful for everything that you girls have done. I couldn’t sleep because of it.”
“Aww… somepony can’t keep the sleep out of his eyes,” Pinkie Pie says giving him a pat on the back, earning him a tired smile.
“You know, I too happened to go through the same thing Wishing Star,” Twilight begins, “You know, before I moved to Ponyville, I had to stay up all night to work on a spell that was supposed to impress Princess Celestia, but the hours of work I had to do that spell, ugh, nothing but preparations and safety procedures! I didn’t get any sleep until around three in the morning! The next morning I felt like a tuba was blaring over and over again and-“
“Uh, sugarcube?” Applejack interrupts her as she points to a once again sleeping Wish.
The lilac unicorn blushes that she had no idea that she was talking to a sleeping stallion, but then again she couldn’t help but giggle how peaceful he sleeps. As much she wants to continue watching him like this, he really needs to get up and drink his coffee.
“Wishing?” She asks as she pokes his side.
He suddenly jolts awake and shouts, “I’M PANCAKE! I-I’M MEAN I’M AWAKE!” He could see that everypony was giggling, confused as to why, he looked at Twilight, seeing she’s pointing at his chin. Touching his chin, he realized that he got whipped cream on him. Grabbing a napkin and wiping off the whipped cream from his chin, he sighs once again, “Sorry girls… Like I said, not enough sleep.” He then took a sip of his coffee.
Sweeite Belle then whispered something to her fellow Crusaders, something that Wish couldn’t make out. Then she looks at the teal stallion and says, “Hey Wish, we thought about something, since we’re going to be Crusading today, we were wondering if you could choose today’s activity?”
This was unexpected to him, choosing a crusading activity? He was a little nervous, as he knows those three well enough that they could cause trouble. He kept wondering and puzzling as to what they should do… then, he figures it out. “You know,” he says to the fillies, “There’s actually a place, when I was a little colt, I wanted to find and where I was named after.” This caught the Crusaders attention, as well as the mares and Spike.
“And, pray tell what would this place be?” Rarity asked him.
“It’s called… uh…” his words stumbled, everyone has their eyes on him, his mind was screaming at him, For god sake man, think! Just pick a random tale and just go with it! “The Fount Well of Wishes.”
Silence looked in five seconds, then Twilight exclaims, “The Fount Well of Wishes?!” It nearly made Wish jump and fall off of his seat. He readjust himself and asks the book smart mare, “You know of it?”
“It was told in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns!” She explains to him, “I’m surprise that you know the legend of it!”
He chuckles, knowing that he was just making up bullshit, but now finding out that this place is an actual thing, he clears his throat, “W-well, since you have more knowledge about the place, m-maybe you could tell them about it?”
“Ah thought that you’d knew about the place?” Applejack asked suspiciously with a raised brow.
“Oh, well,” he begins to explain, “you know sometimes that you would forget some certain things, but somepony else does. Plus, it’s been a while since I’ve recall about the legend.”
Twilight jumps in, “And for that, I’d be happy to accommodate.” She clears her throat as she begins to tell the tale, “Many moons ago, a mare in pink with a prismatic mane had been known for helping ponies wishes come true. She was known as the Lady of Wishes, her true name was never known. Many considered her as a celebrity in ancient Ponyville, however one day, she made a huge mistake. A pony made had wished from the lady to be known as the most recognizable and famous pony of all… his wish was granted, but it somehow backfired on her. The fame became too much for her to handle, so she retreated somewhere deep into a forrest and a magical pillar of light shot out to the heavens. As for the pony who made the wish, he was never seen again. Some speculated that the pony was banished from Ponyville from his trickery and drove the Lady of Wishes away.”
He was speechless and was now becoming concerned about his power of wishes. If her powers would backfire… would this applies to me as well? he thought to himself in the worry.
“Goodness,” Rarity says as she has her hoof to her mouth, “How can one pony be so selfish and causes the Lady to go into hiding?”
“More importantly,” Wish cuts in as he raised a brow in curiosity, “How can one pony learn such magic to reflect a wish?”
Twilight just shook her head sadly, “Nopony even knows. But according to some researchers, the entrance is within the Everfree Forest. The Lady of Wishes has placed all sorts of traps in her home to keep out intruders, for she believes that the backfired wish is still in it’s affects.”
“Did somecreature mentioned the Lady of Wishes?” a voice asked, everyone was looking around as to who was speaking.
Wish rolled his eyes, knowing full well as who this is and says, “Yes Discord. We did.” The draconequus head popped through the table and made Wish jumped out of his seat once again, this time falling on the ground on his rump. “Ow…” he groans as he rubbed the area between his flank and tailbone.
“Oh, my apologies for frightening you,” Discord says sincerely, as he went through the table and a chair materialized, “I gotta keep these bad habits under control.”
“Mind if Ah ask what where ya doin’ eavesdroppin’?” Applejack asked in a questioning tone.
He materialized a tea cup and took a sip, “Eavesdropping? Why my dear Applejack, I haven’t dropped any eaves at all.”
“Uh… was that a-“
“As a matter of fact,” He cuts off the teal stallion, “I was just on my way here to give you a message from the Princesses themselves.” He hands out a scroll and gives it to Twilight, she opens it as she reads it to herself. “As I was asking, you mentioned about the Fount Well of Wishes?”
“So what if we did?”
“Rainbow calm down,” Fluttershy reassures her prismatic friend, “I’m sure Discord is just curious.” Rainbow just gave him the glare whom of which just shrugs.
“Why are you so curious about the Fount Well?” Rarity asked him.
Discord chuckles, “Why, I happened to hear many wonderful things about her years ago, very kind and generous. It is quite displeasing to hear that she had live her life in exile.”
“Wait,” Wish paused realization, “You knew the Lady of Wishes?”
“Oh, well, heh,” Discord seems to be dodgy, “I knew of her, I never actually met her.” He cleared his throat as he took another sip of his tea, “However, I knew where the entrance to the Fount Well is.”
This got the Crusaders excitement to show and made them gasp. “Can ya show us?! Can ya?! Can ya?!”
Now this got the draconequus really nervous, “Oh, well, I uhhh… I don’t know…”
Wish knew what’s coming up next from the crusaders, but he thought up a little bit of fun and build up that anticipation, “Oh, come on Discord,” Wish teases the spirit of chaos, “It’s every foals dream of going there and making their w- ahem, you know what, come true. You wouldn’t want to leave these kids disappointed, do you?” Cue the puppy eyes from the Crusaders.
“Erm, w-well…” Discord became flustered and then he looks at the teal stallion that made him raise a brow, “Okay, what are you doing?” What Wish doing is replicating the same puppy eyes as the Crusaders were doing. “Okay, can you stop doing that?”
“Please?” The crusaders begged, the puppy eyes effect is taking hold of the draconequus.
He gives in and sighs, “Oh, alright.”
“YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!” The fillies’ cheer of excitement made everyone in the room covered their ears, then white unicorn filly tells her friends, “Come on! Let go get our stuff!”
They hurried to their treehouse all while Wish just chuckles, “I just know this’ll be one heck of an adventure.” Twilight prodded her earth pony stallion’s side, getting his attention immediately. She gives him the drawing that he made years ago. “What’s this for?” He asked her.
“I figured you’d want this back.” The lilac unicorn explains to him.
He was a little shocked at first, he then looks at the drawing looking at the silhouetted filly. He then just smiles and tells her, “That’s okay. I don’t need it anymore to figure out who she is.”
“Y-you don’t?!” Twilight asked in surprise, including everyone else, excluding Applejack and Discord from upon looking at the picture, they’ve already put two and two together.
“Besides, I feel like you needed this more than me.”
“Ya’ll know who she is sugarcube?” Applejack asked him with smug look on her face with a brow raise.
He knows that look and could already tell that she now knows who that silhouette is, but he plays it off, “I guess I do. I just need to know her name so I could thank her for my well w… y-you know.” As the Crusaders came in, saddlebags on, waiting anxiously for the teal stallion. “Besides,” he says as he heads out the door before he says his farewell, “I think you already know her too Twilight.”
With that cryptic message implanted in the lilac unicorn’s mind as she raised her eyebrow, the Crusaders, Discord, and Wish has left the home. I already knew her? Twilight thought to herself, understandably confused, What the hay does that even mean?
“You good Twilight?” Rainbow asked.
Twilight just lays back on the chair, having that sentence repeating over and over again. She then came to a conclusion, “What he just said sounds so… weird.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to phrase it such a way darling,” Rarity tells her.
Applejack just chuckles and shook her head, surprised that the smart one of her friends hasn’t even figured it out yet. Rainbow and Twilight took notice and the pegasus asks, “What’s so funny?”
“Heheh, Ah’ll tell ya later,” the country pony says as she looked at the clock, “Well, landsikes, look at the time! Ah gotta get that field plowed.” She got up from her chair and says, “Ah’ll be seeing ya’ll later!”
Twilight was dumbfounded, “B-but-“
“I must return to the Boutique,” Rarity tells the girls as she too got up from her chair and headed out the door, “Ta-ta!”
One by one the girls left the home until it was Rainbow Dash and Twilight, who was left in a state of confusion and befuzzlement. She then looks at the light blue pegasus and asked, “Any idea what Wish meant by that I knew this filly?”
“Beats me,” Rainbow shrugs, “He’s seems good with riddles though.”
“It’s no riddle Rainbow! He now knows who this filly is!” She grabbed the daredevil by her shoulders and exclaimed, “I got to find out who she is! I just got to know!” She hurried out of the door and hurries back to the library, leaving behind a befrazzled Rainbow in a state of confusion.
“… Am I seriously missing something here?”
The Crusaders were giggling and talking about what they’re going to wish for, no doubt about their Cutie Marks and what they would look like, Wish and Discord were walking right behind them keeping an eye on them.
Discord had began to notice Wish smiling, something was amiss, aside from the obvious fact that he now knew about the drawing. "What's with the smile?" He asked him.
Wish looked at the spirit of chaos who looks confused. "What do you mean?"
"That smile. I know that smile anywhere, and made that whenever I’m planning a chaotic scenario."
Wish just sighs and decides to tell him, but he whispers, “I think I’m in love with-“
“Oh, I already know that,” Discord whispers back, earning a shock expression on his new friend’s face, “I just want to know what’s going on in that brain of yours that’s causing you to smile.”
Wish looked at the draconequus a little conflicted at first, should he really tell him why? Perhaps since he’s now reformed, he could be trusted, but then again, given he’s more mischievous than chaotic he could easily tell Twilight at the drop of a hat. “Can you promise me something Discord?” He asked him, making the spirit of chaos raise a brow, “I mean like, Pinkie Promise me it.”
“Ooh, that secretive, eh?” He asked now wiggling his brow.
“Y-You see… well, I don’t know if Celestia told you, but-“
“She’s already informed me,” Discord interrupted him and then became reassuring, “Don’t worry, that secret stays between us and the Princesses.”
Wish sighs in relief and continues, “Well, you see, not only I’m in love with Twilight, but I also want tot help her with a career pat that she wanted to have. I imagined many different scenarios of what she wanted to do, but I honestly don’t know what she would really want.”
“Like what?”
“Being a teacher for a school, a messenger for Celestia, an author for spell books, honestly the possibilities for her is endless.” Wish explained, his smile then falters to a mid frown, “From what I’ve seen her as a alicorn, she’s been pushing her limits of what she could do and I’m feeling like it’s restricting her of her true potential. I want to help her guide down a path and live a life that she wants.”
Discord hummed a little as he gave him an expression that would be an opposite of what Wish had hoped. “Must you remember that Celestia needs a successor in order for Equestria to continue to live in peace and harmony.”
“That’s the thing Discord,” the teal pony explains to him, “Centuries from now, the magic of friendship will be gone. Twilight, the Princesses, the Elements, neither of them won’t be around to do anything about it.” He hung his head in sadness as he continues, “If that is indeed the future of Equestria, then there’s no telling what would happen if I got involved. I know don’t want to interfere my friends lives too much, but I’m telling you now, she can’t be a princess.”
Discord then countered his friend’s question, “Well, if not Twilight, then who should?”
“I could name a few,” he began to list off, “Luna for one, she’s been away for thousands of years, and she still looks younger than she was years ago, and to have her take her sisters place, it would make sense.”
“True, but she must also take responsibility for moving not only the moon, but also the sun,” Discord counters again, “And besides, her duty is to watch over the dreams of other ponies.”
Damn, he has a good point, Wish thought to himself, but then continues on, “There’s also Sunset Shimmer, Celestia’s first choice of being her successor. She’s has the capabilities handling such power. Plus, she even took on a dark alter ego of Twilight, so why not her? She has every good intention of protecting Equestria.”
“Lest you forget that she too used dark magic when Twilight encountered her?”
Shit! “Then… th-then… uh…” he began to stumble, he knows that there are others that could fill in as the next princess of Equestria, he knows that there is, he-
“Wishing Star,” Discord placed his talon on his friend’s shoulder and says to him, “I know you wanted what’s truly the best for her, but if this is what Celestia plans for Twilight, then that’s really is her final say in all of this. It’s not your decision to control everypony’s fate.”
“What?!” He seemed surprised by what the draconequus said to him, “Control everyone’s fates?! That isn’t what I want!”
“But it is what you are doing right now.”
Wish wanted to retort, but looking back at what happened over the past seven days since joining the girls, he has been showing somewhat of control over them, and not only Discord knew, but Wish had the feeling Rainbow Dash and Applejack had the feeling something was going on. Was he really wrong in wanting to help change Equestria for the better and to help the other ponies to the right paths?
Discord then looks ahead after he heard Scootaloo shout, “Hey! I think we found it!” They hurried over to what seemed like a ruins of a castle of the royal pony sisters. It seemed to have been in ruins for over a thousand years, though most of it seemed to be intact. “Come on, let’s go!” Scootaloo exclaims.
“Hold on you three.” Wish tells them cautiously, making them stop dead in their tracks. He then tells them, “Wait here. I want to check something.” He heads to the front of the gate and pushes it open as the hinges creaked. Peaking around the door, making sure there weren’t any traps or tripwires that could easily be triggered, there wasn’t seem to be any as far as he could see. Aside from that, it was quite dark even if sunlight beams shined through the windows.
He turns around and motions his head toward the group to follow him. They do so and they entered the castle. “I-It seems pretty dark.” Applebloom shudders.
“Sure w-“ he stops himself again from using his power’s word, “Ugh, I really got to stop doing that.” He then looks at Discord and asks, “Think you can give us a torch or a lantern?” He then began to materialize a pair flashlight and gave one each to the crusaders and then to Wish. “Thanks.” He clicks it on and he could see that some of the ruined halls of the castle.
Their flashlights shining brightly, they all pointed at the door in front of them. Walking carefully as to make sure they don’t trip over anything, they headed towards the door… all but one who got sidetracked. Scootaloo stops at a suit of armor and shined at it’s helmet for it seemed strange to her. And then…
…
…
”CAW!”
“AH!” The gamboge pegasus yelped as a crow left through the eyehole of helmet, causing it to tip over and fell onto the frightened filly’s head, clogging itself on her. “IT’S GOT ME!” She cries, “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!”
The group turned around in shock to see Scootaloo trying to pry the helmet off. Discord and the other crusaders were trying their best to not laugh at this situation, while Wish just rolled his eyes and chuckled, “Hold on Scoots, I got ya.” He tells her calmly and she has her to hold still and with a couple of twists and a jerk, it finally got off her.
“Thanks.” She says to him, her gaze then turned to her fellow suppressed laughing Crusaders and gave her variation of ‘The Stare,’ and says, “Not. Another. Word.”
“Sorry Scoots.” Applebloom said with a little giggle escaping her lips.
“Well, let it serves as a reminder to stay with the group,” Wish tells the little Pegasus, he then responds to all three of them, “That goes for you two as well, okay?” They nodded, with giving them a nod back as he opens the door that leads to another hallway, not as long as the first hallway they went through, but at the end of the hall there seemed to be a statue of the two sisters. “Gosh…” he says outloud as he looks at the statue, “To think that a thousand years ago, this was once Princess Celestia and Luna’s home, now to be reduced to a forgotten monument to time.”
Discord looked at the statue solemnly and sighs, “If it weren’t for my chaotic behavior.” He looked around the abandoned castle. Thousand years ago, he battled against Princess Celestia and Luna, when he faced a losing battle, he was responsible for the creation the Everfree Forest, leaving their home a wreck as the ruins they stand in today.
Wish looked at the draconequus’ regret and crestfallen look on his face. “We might not be able to change what happened in the past,” he tells him placing his hoof on him, “But, there’s hope for a better future. We’ll scavenge somethings around here and bring back to Celestia and Luna as gifts.”
“Gifts?” Discord asked with a raised brow, of which the teal stallion nods. He never had thought about such a idea. Giving a gift to Princess Celestia of all ponies? A present from him? The spirit of chaos?
The crusaders are having a little exploration of their own as they went to see another door, though this was cracked open. “Hey Mr. Star!” Sweetie Belle calls with a squeak of her voice, “This door is open!”
This got the males’ attention and went to the cracked open door, and it could mean somepony had forgotten to close the door when they left the castle, or someone or something is in here with them. “Girls,” he warns them, “Get behind me.” They do so as he cautiously opens the door and discovers that this room is a library, seeing rows and rows of books upon each shelf, some seemed familiar with shape and color, others seemed older. “Heh, Twilight would spend hours in this room.” He says to himself outloud.
The crusaders could sense admiration for the lilac unicorn mare, hinting that there’s something going on between the two of them. Of course, Scootaloo gags quietly at the idea of lovey dovey mushy stuff. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle looked at each other and then looked confused.
Wish looked around the library and saw one of the books was pushed in further than the other books on the shelves. “Hey Discord.” He tells the draconequus investigating the book, “This looks a little suspicious. Why is this book pushed all the way back?” Discord made an ‘I don’t know,’ noise with a shrug. The teal stallion the tries to grab the book, but it didn’t move off the shelf, but it tipped over and made a click. He was confused, he now know that it’s a switch and it would open a secret door, but nothing happened… at least at his side.
As the Crusaders looked at one of the shelves, Sweetie Belle was about to grabbed a yellow book, but then it suddenly made a quiet ‘Shwomph!’ and she was shocked at first, then it turned to confusion. “Huh?” She asked herself, she then tries to reach for the yellow book again, but it then went ‘Shwomph!’ again and it ended up at a different place on the bookshelf. “What the hay?” She asked herself again.
“Honestly, what’s the point of having a fake book switch if it doesn’t open anything?” Wish asked himself as he pushes it back and pulls it forward.
“Wish!” Sweetie Belle complains.
He looked at the pouting unicorn and went to her and asks, “What’s wrong Sweetie Belle?”
“This stupid book keeps moving.” She tells him pointing at the yellow book. He looked at her confused and grabs the book no problem, examines it. “Huh?!” She asked as her confuzzled expression shows, looking back and forth at the book and the shelf, stuttering.
“You eyes must be playing tricks on you Sweetie Belle.” Wish says to her.
Sweetie retorts, “No! I saw the book move!”
He puts the book back as he sighs, “Okay, what were you doing? Trying to grab it?” He asks her, Sweetie Belle nods, “Okay, so if I try and grab it again, it’ll stay in place. Watch.” He does so, then the book went ‘Shwomph!’ making him looked surprised as well. “That’s odd,” he says curiously, “I could’ve sworn it-“
“See!? I told you it moves!”
“I can see that Sweetie Belle.” He says as he looks at the book curiously, then he looks at Discord who was fiddle with the book switch he was investigating earlier… then it clicked. “Discord! Move that book again!” The draconequus looks confused, but he does so, moving the blue book back and the yellow book from where Wish and Sweetie Belle moved. It’s then he reached an amazing conclusion, “This is a puzzle! Girls! Discord! Look for any moving books!”
The other two Crusaders were a little confused at first, but slowly, they realized what they needed to do and started to assist them. They also discovered that only the blue, yellow, and pink books were the only ones that were switches. “Ah think that’s all of them!” Applebloom exclaims, looking at the book switch, “But what are we suppose’ to do now?”
He looks around with the seven exposed switches and explains, “Well, I know it’s a puzzle, so this has got to be a combination puzzle. There has to be some sort of note that either the Princesses or one of the subjects left behind when the castle was left to ruin.” He looks around the library, the floor was now littered with books.
“Perhaps there’s a book around here that could possibly leave behind a clue?” Scootaloo asks as she looks one of the books, opening it up.
Wish looks at the switches, there doesn’t seem to be attracting him as a sign. He sighs and was about to call it quits as he leans again a shelf with a sudden triggering noise and began to fall backwards with a shout as he slid down to a slope secret passage way.
The fillies and draconequus took notice and hurried to the opened path. “Wish!” The fillies shout in worried unison, as Sweetie finishes the question, “Are you okay!?”
As Wish got up, he shook his head from the sudden drop and swept off some of the dust off of his mane. He looks back at the slide and shouts, “Hey! I think I found it!”
The draconequus shook his head as he then asks from the entrance, “What do you see down there?”
The teal earth pony squints as he looks around the hallway that is before him, torches’ flames on the walls partially shows him a red velvet, torn carpet. “It must be some kind of entrance to something!” He shouts from the bottom of the slide, looking back at the hall he then continues, “There’s some light at the the end of the hall and-” he stops as the light seems to move ever closer to him, turning into a crimson glow. Wish could sense a familiar feeling occurring that sent a shiver down his spine.
A canine-like growl echoes the hall as a figure appears, a tall, blue and white anthropomorphic dog with a black sleeveless vest, and a worn out light gray scarf around his neck. He looked down at him with crimson red eyes, snarling at the earth pony with his canines. Behind the dog is a black cloaked figure, the sound of a chain rattling could be heard.
“You shouldn’t have come here.” The dog growls.
“Oh god,” Wish whimpers, he turns around and shouts at the bottom of the slide, trying to climb back up, “GUYS! TURN BACK! RUN!!!” He was then grabbed by the leg and was tossed away against the wall, letting out a yelp in pain.
The dog slowly walked up to him, unsheathing what seems like a katana blade. “You are an intruder to this sacred place of Devine Light.” The dog tells the earth pony with a snarl, “Your hidden shadow must be eradicated.”
Hidden shadow?! Wish thought to himself in a panic, What in the heck is he talking about?! He didn’t had the time to figure it out as he briefly missed a swing from the dog’s blade. Swipe, after swipe of the katana, Wish rushed out of the way as he was suddenly tackled and pinned up to a wall by a talon. It almost seems familiar to Captain Celaeno’s parrot talons.
“This is what The Great Star prophesized?” The cloaked figure asked out loud as he lowered his hood to unveil a male parrot’s face, almost like Celaeno’s, but more male, and his eyes looking like Capper’s eyes, but replaced with a golden yellow color. He chuckles softly as he then gave the earth pony a scowl, "You can't really be the one. The Great Star foretold that a certain pony from Canterlot is destined to be Equestria's savior."
"Y-you're talking about Twilight... R-right?" Wish asked nervously looking at the entrance, then back at the tall bird.
The blue and white dog spoke with venom in his voice, "What are we standing here just hearing him cower? Let us end this abomination now."
"Be patient Bluu," The bird tells him, "She will pass the judgement on this young trespasser, and then, when can execute him."
Wish couldn’t believe what he was hearing. "E-exacuted?!" He asked them, "No no no no! You got it all wrong! I wasn't trespassing! I came here looking for a place!"
"By entering this place that is sacred," Bluu growls at him, "You are in fact trespassing! Now you will face the judgment and the consequences of your actions."
Wish was looking around frantically, he knew that the Crusaders and Discord were up back in the library, and he’s unsure if they could even get to him in time.
Just suddenly, before Bluu could say more, the dog got thwacked behind his head with something metal, knocking him out.
The bird and earth pony stallion looked at the small unicorn filly holding a frying pan as she shouts, "That's for ponynapping my sister!"
"Sweetie Belle!" Wish cries out, "Run!" He shoves the bird away from him using his hind legs with the other two Crusaders and Discord behind them. As they continued running, the tall white bird caught up to them, stopping them in their tracks
"You think you can outrun the light?!" The tall bird asked them, then he looks at the draconequus in surprise, then a smirk formed on his beak and says, "Well well, so nice of you join us to face the Lady's judgement once again, Dichónoia." The ponies were really confused as they look at Discord as to why he was called that, but the Bird wasn't done, "Having yourself aligned with these ponies and a human before you."
Now the Crusaders looked at the earth pony, as Wish looked at him in shock. "H-How did you-?"
"Oh my dear boy," the bird says with an introductory tone, "I am Devine Light, I know from the sun, moon, and stars themselves. Now," his wings unfurled, revealing rows of feather-like daggers and began to exclaim, "You will face your judgment!"
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Awesome chapter, keep it up.
awesome chapters!!!!
keep it up!!!!
11797490
I'll help with what I can, but I do have some recommendations. From what I've read so far the character interaction feels a bit forced in places. The largest reason for this is the lack of natural build up with your characterization and his introduction with Twilight and the other inverse characters. There needs to be a bit more details and space between them.
I'll start from the beginning. Your introduction feels a bit to sparse which puts the overall pacing to fast, consider creating a scene of him interacting with others: His father; a neighbor, or the milk man, haha. It helps clues us, the readers, into his personality and sets the scene for further development in the future. You can show us little things like his manner of speech or any issues or habits. Also, Instead of telling me, your showing via hints.
Let us see his normal day-to-day life, this gives context to why he feels down for being sent into Equestria. After all, logic is our friend therefore always leave tiny bread crumbs for the readers to follow: You don't want to just have things happen, there needs to be some form of foreshadowing or natural causality to actions; It is here where you slay this plot holes.
Ask yourself questions above everything.
<For instance, did he die via truck-chan too the face, or was he just warped to another world and if so why... how?>
Never forget about the 6 senses, you can tap into them to give a deeper perspective on the character. You don't need to be in first perspective to do this, it just takes some thinking and careful wording. Also GPT is your friend, but understand its help is just suggestions not hard set rules. I use it to help me find tensing issue in my story or to breakdown techniques I've used to give me a better understanding of myself as a writer. It also helps with little rewrites or grammar and structuring. Use gpt as a tool.
Beyond this, I recommend keeping a paper with scenes you connect together to give a feeling of where you going. Leave little notes of what you want to go down or what information or characteristics you want to focus on.
Don't make the world bend to the MC, but the MC bend to the world. Characters should feel flush and realistic having their own life's beyond the main character.
There's quite a bit of plot points I liked. His interaction with Celestia is one, but it definitely needs more details. Or how the MC hung around the castle for all those years, but why? Again, you need more details.
Nevertheless, I think you have a great story. It just needs Polishing.
The biggest problem I see so far is pacing. You don't have to jump right to the interactions. Give us time to become invested enough in the main character first.
I'll edit this comment later to give some grammar punctuation sources I've used for Informal writing. I'm using a tablet so it's kind of hard. Anyways, good job! Keep writing and reading, that's the only way to get better.
https://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
https://theeditorsblog.net/2012/06/29/even-more-punctuation-in-dialogue-a-readers-question/
https://theeditorsblog.net/2018/04/08/when-a-comma-isnt-enough/
Oh yeah and here some extra bits. Maybe this will help you. This is what I meant about adding in monologues and senses:
What about Flurry Heart? Or any potential offspring of Starlight, Sunset, or Twilight? Surely there could be some possible candidates from this?
I was sad when I found out it was canceled 😞
But when I decided to reread your old Fanfiction Again
And found out you made an improve Version of one of your Old Stories.
You can say that I was extremely excited 😊 to read it but I have to restraint myself, since I gotta relax my Brain 🧠 and once I come Back, I'm gonna read this Book as Slowly 🐌 as Possible to enjoy and be sad again.
Once I reach the end of the last Chapter Intel u make another one.
11837759
I appreciate your compliment Ace and I thank you for the support. Be on the lookout for more chapters coming soon!
Damb!
This is Scary 😳