• Member Since 11th Jan, 2020
  • offline last seen Yesterday

FireMaster


Hello all! I’m newer to the MLP fan base, but always enjoy the stories and adventures in Equestria! God is my rock and foundation, but I enjoy a little fiction about the magic of friendship too.

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Ever feel like the uncertainties of your future are too scary to face head on? Chase Waters lives a normal life, has a strong work ethic, and a field of study that he loves, yet recently motivation has been hard to come by. His devotion to his studies hasn’t left much time for friends, and the more he ponders what is in store for his future, the more he wonders if he’s doing the right thing or not. But when a fateful series of events bring Chase’s path to Equestria, life will never be quite like it used to be. The question is, how will Chase handle the sudden changes thrust upon him, and what choices will he make when presented with huge challenges to overcome?

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 15 )

Next chapter should be out April 24th, and I plan to try and post an update every day or every other day. Thanks for the support on my first story!

"out of his hands you say?" cues anthropology

Does Chase Waters sound like Chase Young from Xaiolin Showdown?

This was a great chapter!

Keep it up!

“I would ask you to be less dramatic, but from what I’m picking up, your world shares hardly any similarities with ours. A world without magic? Even after a thousands years there’s still so much I don’t know.”

friggin' lol
Ripped away from everything he knows and loves, might never return again, changed into something that is clearly not him, "I am acting upset as I have lost everything."
"Oh stop being so dramatic."

Tonedeaf Celestia is tonedeaf, and it is hilarious.

I think you would benefit from asking someone to be an editor for your writing. You're making a lot of spelling mistakes, forgetting to use quotation marks during dialogue, or misplacing said marks.

“Who is it? Came a nice crisp baritone voice from the inside.”

While I enjoy the thought of Chase narrating his own actions, I don't think that's what you meant to do. 😃

I don't get it, why are the princesses acting so indignant toward Chase? They're treating his confusion as some sort of personal insult. :/ For that matter, I don't understand why Chase is so blasé about everything. It's like he spent 2 minutes in Equestria and then just stopped caring about anything, rolling over for any suggestion without questioning the motives behind it. Even Bluebloods insult didn't even register with him until someone talked to him about it.

I appreciate the feedback. These are the kind of things that I miss since this is one of my first times working with creative writing. I will certainly look into an editor so I won’t have to keep apologizing for all the mistakes (I know there’s a lot), and I will try to look into character flaws as well. No promises that I will change much of that, but I do see why the interactions could be quite controversial.

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Also in regards to the indignant attitude. I didn’t pick up on it being too intense, but I thought by him continually questioning the laws of their world, the ignorance would seem like he was directly trying to deny their reality. In which case even though it’s understandable that coming to acceptance is nearly impossible. When he questions The princesses, he’s asking things that are second nature to Equestria, and although they probably shouldn’t express so much annoyance (being royalty), it would be like someone asking you why your hair was brown.

And when I take the power from every being in Equestria, even my ‘teammates’ will be forced to lower their head to me

Could this be a hint towards Tirek?

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