Canterlot Academy Trials

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Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #1 · Dec 1st, 2022 · 2 · 2 · Chapter 2 ·

Atomic Nebula is following in the hoofsteps of his idol--a Royal Guardstallion named Tungsten Wolfe

Do all of your OCs have such cool-sounding names?

Jmaster49

Jmaster49 #2 · Dec 1st, 2022 · 1 · 1 · Chapter 2 ·

11437737
Ice Blizzard, Pale Vestige, Axel Remington...you never know how something sounds until someone else tells you.

But thanks! Glad you like them. Hope you like the story itself. Feel free to provide feedback!

Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #3 · Dec 15th, 2022 · 4 · 2 · Chapter 9: The First Mission ·

Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?

Jmaster49

Jmaster49 #4 · Dec 15th, 2022 · 1 · · Chapter 9: The First Mission ·

11449894
I don't get it either. Hopefully you give it a fair shot.

Comment posted by Popamile deleted Jan 22nd, 2023

Popamile

Popamile #6 · Jan 22nd, 2023 · 5 · · Chapter 33 ·

11449947
If you don't mind a bit of constructive criticism I might have an idea. I looked through a few chapters and noticed a pattern. I've noticed you seem to focus on the conversations but lack descriptions. As an example I don't recall you mentioning what the school itself looked like or how Atomic Nebula might personally feel stepping into the halls for the first time. Is he awed, underwhelmed or was it what he was expecting. Another thing is that the transitioning in-between scenes isn't the best. You give a brief explanation of the current situation the main character is in and go straight into it. For many that can be a big turnoff as it doesn't feel natural. Even if it's just the protagonist acknowledging that they are heading off to a new class or something as simple as them saying "Bye" to a teacher or fellow students can go a long way. The plot and grammar are great. I just think it's the way the story structure and lack of description is in some areas what's holding the story back.

Jmaster49

Jmaster49 #7 · Jan 22nd, 2023 · 3 · · Chapter 33 ·

11486166
That's fair and thank you for the feedback. I'm happy to hear someone finally give a proper critique on my work for a change. This story is meant to more-so focus on characterization, but I am starting to realize that I need to add more descriptive passages to help the reader feel more immersed. I've gone back and added a description of the Academy's interior and exterior to the first chapter. I'll take that into account for future chapters and I hope you continue to read along as it continues!

On the flip side, what do you like about the story so far?

Popamile

Popamile #8 · Jan 23rd, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 33 ·

11486199
All in all the concept is good and the story is easy to read. Its just difficult to really immerse myself into the story as a whole.

Jmaster49

Jmaster49 #9 · Jan 23rd, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 33 ·

11486210
I understand. I'll work on improving descriptions over the course of the rest of the story so you'll be able to immerse yourself more easily. Hope you're willing to stick around, as the plot is going to get juicier as we go and deal with Zesty Gourmand next.

Miskr

Miskr #10 · Apr 4th, 2023 · · · Chapter 97 ·

11486211
To longer the chain, or to not longer the chain? That's the question. Oops, looks like I already did it. Well at least I said a Shakespeare quote, so that's something, right?

Vesper Skies