It Past Me By

by Incredible_E

The Good Ole Days

"Starlight?" Sunburst said while walking into the map room. "What happened? Maud and I found some fascinating sedimentary stratum, but when I turned to show y-you were gone."

Starlight finished a spell she was working on, "Maud does have a way of making rocks really interesting, but I wanted to work on something a little more. . . us."

She floated the scroll over to Sunburst. He took it, "What's this?", he said while reading it.

"Just a little something I made up," she proudly stated with a large smile.

Sunburst finished analyzing the spell. With surprise in his voice, "Woah! You made up this spell? Just now?"

"Yeah," Starlight expressed with pride.

She levitated the scroll high in the air and zapped it with an activation spell. Immediately after, a gentle magical tornado surrounded them. When completed, the room had changed from being the map room to their old childhood home's living room.

Sunburst looked around with amazement, "Wow!"

"I know right, but wait, there's more!" Starlight said with growing anticipation.

Once again, she zapped the scroll into action. This time, the end result was changing into their foal bodies.

Excited, Starlight asked, "Cool, right?"

"Umm, sure," Sunburst replied grinning uncomfortably while uncertain about the new change.

"Now we can play Dragon Pit, just like we used to," she zipped away and grabbed the board game.

Wanting this to stop and move on, "A-actually, - " Sunburst scratched his head " - I thought we could go with Maud and--"

Starlight interrupted with increasing excitement as if he was not talking. "I mean, nothing was better than just you and me playing this game when we were foals, right?"

"Starlight. . ." Starburst said with annoyance in his voice, trying to get her attention.

She kept talking as if in her own fantasy world, "Do you want to be red or blue?"

"Starlight! I don't wanna play the game at all!" Sunburst pounded on the table with a stern face.

Starlight's world of delightful imagination crumbled around her as she began to cry. Starlight disabled the spell, emotionally zapping the floating paper.

Having heard something in the map room, Twilight turned from the hallway and walked in. "What's going on in here?"

Upset, Starlight responded, "Nothing. I was trying to have fun doing the one thing I thought we had in common, but I guess we don't even have that anymore," she stormed out of the room.

Grief-stricken and in her room, Starlight came up with an idea to relive the good ole days for real - when she and Sunburst were little and had fun every day. While writing a new time travel spell, she reminisced over those times, strongly determined to bring them back. Since Starburst did not want to play like that anymore, Starlight would have to make it happen herself.

She completed the spell and merged it with homoboditicus. This allowed her to time-travel and remain in the same body, eliminating the threat of having two Starlights in one timeline.

Starlight held the scroll up with her aquamarine magic and zapped it into action.

A magical essence, emitting from the scroll, swirled around her, "I hope this works."

Nearly instantly, Starlight found herself in her filly body. With the fresh feeling of success, she shouted, "It worked!"

If she had looked at her surroundings first, Starlight would have noticed that it was the middle of recess break during school. All the other fillies and colts stared at her. Embarrassed, she walked to the swings to sit and ponder.

"Excellent! It worked. Now I can have fun with Sunburst all over again! Like it was never over at all. I just wish I had thought of this sooner."

Filly Starlight scanned the playground for her dearest friend. It did not take long to spot him reading a book next to the slide. Starlight got up from the swings and went to him.

He saw Starlight over the book, his eyes widened, and stopped to talk with her.

"Hey!" a filly Sunburst greeted her.

"Hi, Sunburst!" Starlight replied with more joy than he was expecting.

"Are you excited about something?" Sunburst curiously asked.

Starlight answered, "Yes, but it is just the usual, for school to end and finally go home."

Tilting his head, "I thought you liked school?"

"I do," she paused, "but today I feel like being at home with you instead."

"Oh, that reminds me," Sunburst mentioned with some excitement of his own, "I have something to show you later when school is over."

Starlight smiled, "I'd love to see."

For the rest of recess, Starlight joined Sunburst. They sat down next to each other and discussed the book Sunburst had been reading.

Recess ended, and shortly after, so did school. Starlight and Sunburst walked home together as they always did, talking about their day and plans for later.

They walked into Starlight’s house, greeted her parents, and dashed into the living room.

"Are you ready to see what I learned to do yesterday?" Sunburst said through a wide grin.

Starlight already knew what he was about to show her, remembering this moment and the next few days all too well. Even so, Starlight still answered Sunburst with an act of expectation to see the new magic trick.

Remembering how much enthusiasm was shown the first time, "I can't wait! Show me, show me!" she emulated.

A faded yellow aura surrounded the fruit basket on the table. Sunburst looked at the basket with a stern stare, then closed his eyes, and with a final jolt of power from his horn, he successfully conducted the spell. The basket, once normal-sized, was now a little bit bigger. The fruit inside remained the same, having the appearance of looking smaller.

"You enlarged the basket!" Starlight complimented his magical act, continuing the charade of not knowing already.

Sunburst whinnied and pranced in place at his success. Starlight smiled, even knowing how everything would happen, she was overjoyed to relive this moment with him.

Not long after the magic trick was completed, Sunburst had to return it to its previous size, it was time for him to leave. The two foals waved good night, that tomorrow would yield more frivolity.

A new day soon followed, the last day of school for the week before spring break. School classes were replaced by fun outside activities. Never did Starlight and Sunburst participate in a game without one another. But as fast as the school day came, it was over when the bell sounded at the end of the session. Time goes fast when you are having fun.

Starlight went to his house for the evening. They played around with simple magic, played card games, and ate dinner. Afterward, Sunburst wanted to teach Starlight the size manipulation spell. She hid the fact that she could do any spell, easily able to replicate and perform them. Innocently, she fumbled the spell on purpose so the lesson between them both could last longer.

Much to Starlight's dismay, her father came to be an escort for the night trip back home. She hesitated to budge from Sunburst's side, wishing the evening would last longer. Her time with Sunburst seemed to go by so fast, primarily feeling like five hours only lasted a mere few minutes.

Sleep did not come too easily to Starlight that night, for tomorrow yielded a nightmare outside of the sleeping realm. A point in time that tormented Starlight since, when a tumbling tower of books changed everything.

---

The sun poked out of the horizon, peaking over the darkened trees. Slowly, the light crawled up Starlight's sleeping eyes, having failed to remain awake all night. She woke up, stretching with a yawn, knowing what the day would offer. The aroma of hashbrowns, crispy hay, and apple slices filled the bedroom. After breakfast, Sunburst welcomed himself in, a normal occurrence for these never-before-separated friends. He came to get Starlight to play outside, as long as the day remained cool from the nocturnal temperatures. They played happily, both filled with unending pleasure. Although, as Starlight's joy was sincere, a lurking thought deep in her head loomed. Is this really true to you?

The temperate day grew hotter, becoming more unappealing. Going inside, Sunburst gets out a wood-block stacking game called Jenga (Hasbro^TM) to relax indoors. Starlight followed along, winning some games and losing others, having the most fun possible with the brightest of smiles.

The smile was broken when Sunburst asked for a game change.

"Hey, Starlight," an idea had come to him, "How about we stack with books instead? To test the sensitivity of the center of gravity the higher something is," he said very nerdily.

Everything went into a blur, the world swirled around in chaotic patterns. A moral dilemma haunted Starlight: To allow Sunburst his cutie mark or to take it away by never allowing it. She knew what the righteous path was, but the world took him away suddenly and unfairly. Keeping Sunburst markless was unsettling, but would satisfy the reason for her arrival. Giving her joy that was otherwise taken away, no longer forging a fractured future. Allow what was once inevitable, or deny what destiny initially put in place. Fatigued and light-headed, her turmoil finally came to a conclusion, a change of reality is what was called for.

"You okay? We don't have to if you want," Sunburst pointed out, noticing sudden distress in Starlight's face.

Sunburst's voice grounded Starlight, returning her into a calmer state. The moment came to Starlight, and the opportunity was taken.

"Yea, I'm okay," she paused to finalize her decision subconsciously. "Let's not stack books today. I'd like to keep playing with the smaller wooden pieces."

Sunburst nodded in respect for his best friend's choice, even if he did want to stack books.

A wave of relief swept over Starlight, and the panic of losing Sunburst on this day dissipated. A cutie mark traded for more time with one another.

Starlight saw to it that the day was not squandered. Filled with spectacular fun, not a moment to waste and a second to miss; that no other day would have wasted time.

To change the subject and restart the day's playdate, Starlight used her magic to float Dragon Pit over to Sunburst. He smiled and opened the box, set up the board, and offered Starlight the first choice of color. Without deviation, she chose blue, just as often as Sunburst picked green. The hours passed by like a speeding pegasus, the time coming and going without taking a break. Never before had they had so much fun, but never had the time gone so fast. An unfortunate correlation that Starlight understood but ignored, hoping that one day the cycle will break. That Saturday seemed to have ended almost as soon as it had started.

Sunday was the same: wake up, eat, play, eat, sleep. The week continued this rash continuation of time. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and so forth, all came and went so quickly. I'm sure tomorrow will feel slower. I just need to take in every second, are thoughts that reoccurred to Starlight on a nightly basis. She gullibly believed it until the next night came in the blink of an eye, only to ignorantly promise it again.

Every night brought nightmares, not sleeping ones, but waking thoughts that made Starlight ill at heart. The mind told her that she deserved this, all the fun in the world with Sunburst. However, the heart said what she was doing was immoral. Keeping Sunburst away from his cutie mark just to pack as much enjoyment as possible, instead of simply cherishing it as a memory. It was an internal civil war every night, the mind won these battles, but the heart always returned.

Daily delight, being with Sunburst, and internal moral battles. This continued for months until even Starlight's mind began to forfeit. On the one-hundred-thirteenth night, the mind surrendered to the heart, finally caving in.

The mind spoke to the heart within, deviating from previous nights. Ever since we came back, was this fun ever real to begin with?

Of course it was, the heart cheerfully replied.

Mind, trying to comprehend it all, But the smiles got older and more fake as we continued.

Heart reiterated the mind's interpretation, Our smile was once true and pure so many weeks ago, but now it is aged and mindlessly forced.

Mind concludes, Spoiled by knowing what the right thing to do is, it had turned sour. The smiles are no longer satisfying to even Starlight herself. The original purpose of our visit is now moot.

Yes, the heart concurred with the mind's assessment.

Together heart and mind concluded: We must make things right and return to our own time. Reliving this life in the flesh had turned out to be an unsatisfying emulation in the long run. We all know this was not the right thing to do. We must end this, to instead return to our own time and return these moments to memory meant for cherishing, as it was always meant to be.

Starlight lay on her back during her internal monologue, looking up at the roof of the dark bedroom. Once the mind and heart agreed on the conclusion, her eyes watered. Mourning that this time was gone, meant to remain in the past, and for making such a rash decision to return.

Starlight sighed and groaned under her wearied voice, "The past should remain the past, no matter how much I miss it."

A moment of silence followed, the room was absent of sound as she paused to think further. A tear rolled down onto the pillow. Muttering with defeat, exhaustion, and acceptance, "Tomorrow. . . Tomorrow I will set things right."

Flipping to her other side, she looked at the moon through her window, staring at the markings of Nightmare Moon's imprisonment. Taking the pillow and scrunching it up under her head, she fell asleep under the warm lunar glow. This was the first night in many where she welcomed sleep, finally letting go of the need to relive every second of this memory-turned-real.

The one-hundred-fourteenth day greeted Starlight's waking eyes. Getting up from the best sleep since she arrived in this time. She went downstairs to the familiar smell of breakfast. It was a Sunday, so without fail, the starting meal of the day would be carrot-in-a-bun with beans. Just as expected, it was exactly that. It was not surprising to Starlight, this was the repeating cycle for sixteen weeks.

Over the kitchen oven, the clock read nine. Sunburst would be here in half an hour.

Without fail, Sunburst arrived for the one-hundred-fourteenth time. Starlight thought reliving these moments would be nothing but exhilarating every day, but this repetition had tainted it all. She thought to herself, I guess memories should really remain memories, the highlights of the past.

"Sunburst, can we go into the living room?" Starlight's voice was filled with the blues.

Sunburst responded with interest, "Yeah, what is it?"

The expectancy of an answer was left unsatisfied as Starlight walked out of the kitchen, away from her parents.

In the living room, she stopped and turned to Sunburst, looking deep into his eyes. Starlight smiled and with no words, she hugged him firmly.

"Did you have fun Sunburst? The last few months?" Starlight asked with heartache.

"Yes, very much," he replied, now curious. "Why do you ask, Starlight?"

"It doesn't matter. I am just glad we could share this time together, even if it was never real."

Sunburst's ears perked up. "What do you mean 'was never real'?"

Knowing he would not remember this anyway, "I am from the future and wanted to bring back the past, to relive our memories together," Starlight said.

Too young to fully grasp the concept, Sunburst jumped in excitement, "You know how to do a time spell?! What is the future like?"

"Well, we grew farther apart," Starlight rubbed her hoof on the other leg, looking down.

Sunburst put his hoof on hers. "I would never want that."

Starlight grinned, the truth was it had already happened. She internally confirmed, At least as a colt, he genuinely enjoyed our time together.

Knowing none of this would be remembered, except by herself, there was no point in continuing. Satisfied by Sunburst's reactions, Starlight's horn lit up. As she turned back into a mare from her filly form, she saw Sunburst smile and wave goodbye. She smiled in return and undid the time spell.

Appearing back in her room in the castle, she looked at the time. Just as it should be, it was like no time had passed at all. She walked to her bed, jumped on it, and lay on her back, reflecting over the last few seconds that were really one-hundred-fourteen days.

Speaking to herself, "I will never mention what I just did. It's just. . . too much to unravel."

After an hour, she heard a knock on her door. Upon opening it, Twilight smiled considerately and said, "Come with me. I think I can help."

"I appreciate you trying to help Twilight, but it seems pretty clear that Sunburst and I have grown apart," Starlight told Twilight, walking through the hallway.

Twilight consoled her, "I understand, but I feel like that only happens if you both let it. You still want to be friends, right?"

Not proud about what she did, Starlight replied, "I created a spell so we could relive playing a game in our childhood home. . . and bodies," only mentioning the beginning of it all and skipping the rest.

"Right," Twilight grinned awkwardly.

Looking down to the floor, "I'm just not sure Sunburst wants to stay friends too."

Twilight backed up to the doors of the library, "I think you might be surprised." She possessed the doors with her magic.

Twilight opened the doors to present Maud and Trixie standing in front of a large purple stage curtain.

Maud started in her "excited" monotone voice, "Prepare yourself--"

Trixie continued the presentation, "--for the new and improved Dr-r-ragon Pit!"

The curtains separated down the middle to reveal Sunburst and a large replica of Dragon Pit. He wore a dragon costume for the green piece and a blue costume was waiting for Starlight. They were the two colors they always played with when they were foals.

Starlight smiled with tears of happiness.

Comments

[starcoder]

Grief-stricken and in her room, Starlight came up with an idea to relive the good ole days for real - when she and Sunburst were little and had fun every day. While writing a new time travel spell, she reminisced over those times, strongly determined to bring them back. Since Starburst did not want to play like that anymore, Starlight would have to make it happen herself.

Did you actually mean to write "Starburst?"

[Incredible_E]

11372860
Yeah. Starburst sounds like a name they would give themselves for how close they were and how often they would be in each other’s company.

[starcoder]

11372909
Yeah, I've seen it before to describe Starlight and Sunburst shipping. But now I see why you used Starburst.

[Falkenlied]

The Good

Innocently, she fumbled the spell on purpose so the lesson between them both could last longer.

Lovely and impactful. The story really changes for the better in the second half

Bad
Some of the interactions in between the characters are a bit too cardboard-like. The in medias res style start hurts it a bit, so it would've been beneficial to feel that Starlight is mayhaps feeling lonely or estranged from Sunburst, and that she hasn't really gotten to interact with his friend in so long that she's plotting to have "a few things returned to how they used to be". We barely get to hear anything from old Sunburst at all.

The pacing's really fast, every scene just zooms and flies too fast to leave an impact. Geez, Starlight crumbled back to crying that fast? It escalated quickly

Then there are several missed opportunities.

Recess ended, and shortly after, so did school. Starlight and Sunburst walked home together as they always did, talking about their day and plans for later.

Wouldn't it be nice if Starlight had shared some of her modern worries with Sunburst? Why mention this if it doesn't build up to anything?
Maybe a child Sunburst would've been able to tell her how silly she'd be for feeling lonely due to her overworking or overthinking things?

Ah-hah. The moral dilemma here is great, but we've reached the halfway point of the story just to have it be presented this way, with very limited build up. Even the nightmares are just shown as 'Nightmares' with no detail for them

"Starlight. . ." Starburst said with annoyance in his voice, trying to get her attention.

Since Starburst did not want to play like that anymore, Starlight would have to make it happen herself.

Fix the Starburst references, they're just Sunburst talking or doing something, and they are just errors in the story.

TL;DR
1. There's a clear pacing issue that is causing a lot of scenes to pass by with insufficient words put in them to leave an impact
2. What does happen either doesn't impact the characters, doesn't leave an emotional feeling or escalates the feels to the max in one sentence
3. Grammar is ok but the adverb use is noticeable, scaling it back with more action or description would be best.
4. The interactions we do get are stiff and wooden.
The premise is good, the moral dilemma is good, and the resolution is good. It's one of those cases where I can see what you're going for, the ideas are there and they're great, but the execution isn't that good.

[Incredible_E]

11374831
Thank you, Falk. I shall take what you’ve said and put it to good use. I think the main reason for the pacing and “cardboard-ness” came down to it being an episode insert. The beginning and ending of this story are in the actual episode Uncommon Bonds. So I mistakenly wrote it with the attitude that the show already set up for Starlight and Sunburst. Perhaps I will rewrite this for the improvement. Again, thanks.

[silverMEGAlicorn]

You created a word for an exact thing I need to use for a future chapter of a future story I’m writing. Thank you! Homoboditicus sounds absolutely perfect!