The Shadow Horse

A Thousand Words592 stories ·232 members

The Shadow Horse

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Anon's first Nightmare Night was shared with an unusual and unexpected stranger.

Written for the One Thousand Word contest by Bicyclette

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Comments ( 4 )

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Flora Blossom

Flora Blossom #1 · May 24th, 2022 · · ·

The story is pretty impressive. The 1,000 words short story is actually pretty impressive on that too.

Bryan Luna

Bryan Luna #2 · May 29th, 2022 · · ·

I am so very intrigued by this shadow pony now.

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #3 · Jun 10th, 2022 · · ·

Interesting concept, but it's clear you were really feeling the pinch at the end. "The two spent the night walking and talking as the festivities continued around him" is code for "I can't write out the rest of this scene and still be eligible for this contest." What's there is certainly interesting; I'm always up for a novel variation on ponies as we know them. But that variation deserves more space to properly explore it, to say nothing of fewer winks at the camera.

That being said, this is still a fine if cramped bit of fluff. Thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #4 · Jul 12th, 2022 · · ·

But to him, it was like Halloween on Earth since truly nothing was out of the ordinary. Kids running around from door to door for candy, adults playing games and chatting, a hay bale maze, and just general fun.

it is very analogous, so convenient for the visiting human from modern-day North America!

"Most ponies do, though I like this night for different reasons." An unknown female voice said.
The voice made Anon jump but he couldn't pinpoint where it came from.

ahaha, yeah, i would jump too if some rando commented on a thought i was saying to myself!

Squinting, he could make out the distinct features of a head and hooves along with a short bob mane. But from the torso down, it looked like nothing existed.

well, that is an interesting OC pony species! and explains why she seems like an incorporeal voice that could sneak up on him

She then walked into the moonlight tentatively and took a deep inhale; upon exhaling, a pair of bat wings sprung from her back.

ehehe that is fun!

"My good sir, most times, even I do not know. I simply am." She shrugged, lightly flaring her wings before mumbling, "Second simplest answer is of being a plot convenience to the writer who still hasn't figured out my origin story yet."

this better be in the Experimental category, grumble

The mare went on to explain how Princess Luna began visiting the bat ponies when able to as well as how she came to view them as her children just as Celestia had for her day ponies.

aww, that does explain the completely unexplained bat ponies pulling her chariot in "Luna Eclipsed"! also, heh, will always find it funny that ponies ride in chariots pulled by other ponies

I am a child to no one..except perhaps my host. But she doesn't usually need me around.

well, that just raises further questions!

"Ombretta...interesting mare." Before sleep could fully take over, Anon shot up with a random thought. "Wait..does this mean she's seen me naked?"

hehe, fun note to end on! and idk, maybe? but ponies are naked all the time, so i don't think Ombretta thought anything of it!

this does feel more like just the introductory scene of an OC than a story actually about the OC. and since the story ends here, we are left with no payoff for the many intriguing questions raised by the existence of this shadow mare. the last line is a funny one to end on, but kind of makes all the exposition beforehoof not really lead to anything in the end.

but still, thanks for writing!

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