- Member Since 14th Aug, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 15th, 2021
Starswirls Beard
I'm an avid reader and first time writer of pony fics with a love of clop! Purple horse is best <3
Starswirls Beard
Joined 14th Aug, 2012 ·
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If that is a dA Watermark on the image, I'll have to report this...
1261038
Forgive me for my lack of knowledge... but images with a dA watermark aren't allowed?
You killed my willingness to read this when you said clop without plot. I'm sorry but i just can't do it if there are no feals.
1261145 only if credit is given, and even so, the watermark itself is barely visible whatsoever not to mention the artist never put one on the image.
I do not like to give a thumb and just leav without posting so here it is!!!1
Great work! I actually liked the lack of plot because it let me fill in my own. Looking forward to more clop!
Very well-written, unlike most clopfics. Well done!
1261173
For a moment I thought you wrote "foals."
--
I agree with 1261275 in the fact that you've got a good sense of characterization, but not really a good idea of what was supposed to be going on. Even in a story without plot there still ought to be a direction of where the characters want to go. More than just wanting to reach climax or to please your lover, its important that as a reader I get sucked into the narrative. For a first pony perspective, there are very large paragraphs that should've been broken up; sentences shortened to be more concise to increase the impact of AJ and Rarity's lovemaking. There ought to have been more dialogue and you could stand to write more poetically rather than in prose with metaphors thrown in.
Two of my favorite sentences are:
and
Just keep reading/writing/watching pr0n/having real life experience. Not just for clop writing, in general! Life provides SO much inspiration for all sorts of stories and ideas and imagery! Good luck and hope to see something out of you in the future!
1261559
THAT would of been bad.
1261145
Basically, you just need to cite whoever made the image. Although, reporting someone because of a teeny mistake is a rather extreme step.
Now I just need to read the story.
polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=54635776
Yo, dawg. That, um... that was like, fresh as my chains, yo.
In All Seriousness: I've never read a POV clopfic before, and as I prepped myself to walk into this sordid tale by loading my Inky Cannons (C), I thought about how well just a straight-up porno could be written. Well, I'll start with this: the minute Applejack's voice started flowing through my head in such a convincing way, I had to put away the weapons; there would be no blasting this night.
(Because mares don't ejaculate! LOLOLOL!!1!1!ONE1!)
Really, though, that's what made me lose my insta-fist: the dead-on, totally believable characterization. And combined with the pacing, I felt like I was inside Applejack's head, looking down through her eyes. I could see Rarity on a hay pile, and every detail Applejack told me, I frigging believed. I could feel the feels, man--and as gross as that is, I have to admit it, because you did it, dog. A lot of people just plain suck at first-person, but you pulled it off.
I can't believe I'm going to do this, but I'm going to favorite this. Yeah, I'm faving a pure clopfic. That's how impressed I am. You and Sleepless Brony now share space in the category of "Well-Written Clop" for the Inky Award of Excellence.
ha...haha....hahaha....hahahaha....HA.....HAHA.....HAHAHA....HAHAHAHA.....MUAHUAHUAHAUAUIYSGOIyewdgpsnhaerjhnaphoinf
BRILLIANT!
Well, whatever the case, I thought that it was an excellent read. Loved the way you made it have more of a personal feel rather then just a tongue deep in a c**t porn piece.
Hope you do more.
Thank you all for the feedback, I appreciate it greatly!
1261038
I was unaware of the rules regarding watermarked images, it just came up in google. I would gladly cite the artist but I couldn't find them, this is just the image that inspired the story.
1261173
As a reader I find I like to know going in if its clop without plot, I don't like to be blindsided after reading and prefer to be honest up front.
1261559
Thank you so much! I'm making some of the changes you suggested as far as spacing right now as I wrote it and posted it right before work with no time for any kind of editing. As far as all the little sayings AJ has I always imagined that her thought process would be something like that. I live in the deep south and know many people who actually speak with a metaphor every other sentence (sometimes myself included). I will continue to write and hopefully improve!
1262389
Thank you so much! I feel so special knowing that I'm sharing space on your favorites with the likes of Sleepless, whom I love to read.
1269258
The prob wasn't the use of metaphor but the less-thought-out-feel of everything else un comparison. With clop/romance and (good) action/adventure you need to engage, engage, engage the reader to get them in the mood. I recommend a quick glance at Vindicated Depravity as an example of engaging the reader.
1269258
I can respect that.
Alright,I must say that was rather hot.I liked it a lot.
As a fan of not only Applejack but of the RariJack shipping, this pleases meh on so many levels. A well written clop-fic, with a very personal narrative and ultimately perfect timing. This has got to be one of my favorites, and for that a thumb, fave and a watch. Hope to see more!
this is short, but is great!
a little sweet and cute sex scene of RariJack...that I loved! specially because I love that shipping XD
Great storie Starswirls!
Very sexy!
Wish there was more! It's hard to find a good Rarijack clopfic on here. 
Sexy.