A thousand years ago, Discord was sent to the moon, but he took some ponies with him. Now, he and his new friends have to find princess Luna and some explanations about the world.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 8th Aug, 2019
- offline last seen May 1st
Draconequues
Anyone interested in some chaos? Really, I have too much.
Draconequues
Joined 8th Aug, 2019 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Doctor Axiom · 2.2k words · 265 8 · 2.5k views
- FanOfMostEverything · 2.5k words · 129 3 · 2.4k views
- Creative Delight · 3.4k words · 40 4 · 1k views
- ProfCharles · 8.6k words · 141 6 · 4.4k views
- sunnypack · 2.1k words · 43 3 · 2.1k views
- lunabrony · 2.1k words · 46 3 · 5.6k views
- LA Knight · 26k words · 33 4 · 1.3k views
- A M Shark · 79k words · 178 6 · 4.2k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.09 seconds
Total duration
853 users online
1,705,976 hits today, 2,707,512 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This story sounds like it should've been longer. Why did you make it so short?
10882883
I really wanted to participate in the event. Yeah, I had many ideas and still do, and I maybe will do a continuation. But for now, I ended it short.
Hello, I am one of the judges for the Reunions Swapped Roles contest, and I'm going to share the scores that I gave this story along with the comments. Note that I was just one of three judges, so these comments do NOT reflect what the other judges thought of the story.
Quality 2 / 5
There’s a couple errors in the writing. For example, there needs to be a comma before the first “and” of the second sentence. Lair is misspelled as “layer”. The story is readable, but you will want to work on some of these issues.
You don’t really have enough descriptions in most places. Just as an example, when Pinkie Pie was trying to talk to other ponies in Canterlot, you could have described some of those attempts instead of just telling us that it happened. It would make for more compelling storytelling.
The pacing of the story feels rushed in general, which, based on your author’s note, is understandable.
Roleswap originality/utilization 3 / 5
I really like the ideas you have here. This really feels like a complex world that has a lot of thought put into it.
However, there’s that issue with time again. A lot of this information is introduced without enough words and background to support the idea. For example, the way that the zebras just recently took over Equestria is something that the reader just has to take for granted. You talked a little about wars, but there just wasn’t enough detail to make it seem realistic. What do most of the ponies think about this? Where were the casualties? Details like these are ones that you could address.
Prompt utilization 2 / 3
Definitely a reunion, both of the displaced ponies with their ancestral home as well as Discord with Luna. Again, their meeting could have just some more words around it to show Luna and Discord’s emotions.
10899576
Thanks for that. I really needed something like it.
Maybe now or later I will rewrite it, but like I wanted it to be. Maybe writing a story just for a contest wasn't the best idea, but at least I got some constructive criticism.
Thanks!