What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny?

by Triple-Rainbow

We're Not Bad Apples. Just Cheaper.

Princess Celestia’s overcompensating ball of fire slowly glided through the sky, showering ponies with warm light as they trotted around town and went about their days.

The market place was a long stretch of stalls selling fruits, vegetables, and anything else a pony could need for their grocery list. The weather was calm, the day was still young, and all the ponies seemed relaxed walking through the crowded streets.

Some venders would try to grab a customer’s attention with a flashy stall or some fun gimmick, and of course a master sales pony like Flam had taken every opportunity to grab their attention.

“Apples! Get your apples right here! Buy a clean fresh, dellllicious, High Quality Apple Acers apple, get a bruised one half off!” Flam offered to the passing mares and stallions.

The stall itself was bright blue and yellow, with a red and white stripped awning above that held a list of prices for apples and apple themed snacks. The regular customers easily peeled out of the flowing crowd that moved up and down the street, a feat the few tourists that had come weren’t able to mimic unfortunately.

Potential customers were swept away in the tide of bodies, dragged off to who knows where as they failed to navigate the constant flow of traffic.

His smile never dimmed as he continued to yell out to the crowds, hoping that a few of them would at least turn to glance at his stall. He was so absorbed in his efforts to get more customers to his stall that he barely noticed the mare setting up her carrot stand next to his.

Carrot Top, a yellow coated earth pony with an orange mane, had a modest stand with only a few colts paintings of carrots added by her little colt, Bustle Sprout.

“Mornin’ Flim,” the mare greeted with a well practiced smile.

“Flam,” he corrected on impulse, their little weekly routine pulling him into a familiar direction as he continued to scale the crowd.

“Shoot, yer right. Good thing ya got that bloody caterpillar on ya face. I wouldn’t be able ta tell otherwise. So, where’s yer less evil brother at?”

“Working on the farm, right now. Ah! Ladies! May I offer you a limited time deal! For just today, buy a clean red delicious apple and get a slightly bruised one half off!” He called out, earning a few interested looks as they came by and made their purchases.

“Yer sellin’ bruised apples now?” Carrot Top asked as Flam accepted a few bits and divided up the orders.

“Just today. Family’s coming over for the Sunset Celebration. Gotta make sure we have some bits lying around in case anypony needs something.”

“Well ain't that nice. Oh, how’s yer Gran doin’?”

“She’s fine, but me and Flim still worry. Ever since she pulled her hip last winter we’ve been trying to keep her off it. But, you know us apples.”

“Yer too stubborn fer your own good,” Carrot noted sagely. “So, what about yer sis?”

“Apps’ been doin’ good. Got a B plus on her last math test, can you believe it? I’m tellin’ you, Carrots, she’ll be smarter than anypony in there by the end of this year.”

“Well good fer her. Say, ya’ll about ready to start?”

“Hun, I was born ready,” he said, putting on a deceptively arrogant mask as he called out to the crowd.

If there was one thing ponies liked more than eating, it was watching a show.

“Apples for sale! Buy one get a bruised one half off!”

“Wow, I always knew ya were a cheapskate, but sellin’ damaged goods too? Wait ta hit a new low, Flam,” Carrot barked.

“Hey, a bruised apple is still better than the cleanest carrot you’ve got!” He shot back.

The beginning of their squabble was rarely as important as the climax since that would be when they had a bigger audience. After that, the beginning of their performance would be word of mouth, and it would be polished up by a few ponies who wanted to look like they knew more than others.

“Excuse me, I’ll have you know that mah carrots are the best of the best. Ya’ll wouldn’t know a good carrot if it slapped ya!”

“You mean the potato’s ugly an' scrawny cousin, right?”

“What’d you say about my carrots?”

“The truth. And believe me, that’s a rarity from me.”

Their little squabble grew louder after that, only stopping for a moment to throw a bit of softer banter whenever somepony actually came to but from one of their stalls.

Slowly, a few tourists began to openly gape at the pair as they threw insults back and forth. It was a bit less build up than if Flim was around, but overtime more and more potential customers would venture to buy an apple or carrot and enjoy the show.

It might have gone on for a bit longer if there wasn’t a pillar of smoke coming from Sweet Apple Acers.

When Flam finally noticed the grey column in the distance, his mouth fell agape as he uttered a quiet whimper.

“Oh no…”

---

Earlier that day, Flim had fine-tuned the Squeezer One and finally turned on their beautiful foal.

Using the sun’s angle to measure the time, Flim had rightly guessed when the earliest ponies would get to the school house and how long it would take for their day to start. By that point, young colts and fillies were playing to their hearts content on the playground equipment, delivering a steady stream of energy that was charging the Squeezer One.

A low hum filled the air as the device’s ears began to whirl. It was a slow at first, gaining momentum as the minutes began to pass by and the machine truly came to life. Using his magic to grab the cone of the Squeezer’s vacuum, he hung it over one of the apple trees and watched as it plucked every apple off of its branch, turning the cleanest and brightest apples into apple cider while taking the seeds of the young ad cotton apples to replant them later or to make compost.

Flim couldn’t help but smile as he took the machine around the orchard, cleaning the fullest of trees and making over a dozen glasses worth of apple cider in under a few minutes. Come sun down, they’d have about half of their goal and raking in a large sum of bits.

A light chuckle escaped Flim as he allowed the machine to suck up another bustle of apples, easily doing the work of six stallions in a hoof-full of minutes.

“Celestia’s sky is sunny, it drizzles like honey, and we’re rolling in the money,~” he hummed, trotting at a steady pace as the machine’s wheels dragged it through the grass.

Everything was going perfectly well with the brothers’ latest invention. There wasn’t a hint of any potential problems was Flim spent the next half hour trotting alongside the machine and clearing trees.

So, it came as a bit of a shock when the converter engine’s humming tune began to grow into a heavy baritone pitch. After securing the Squeezer’s vacuum to the side and opening the engine panel, Flim looked at the machine’s gauge and balked at the high pressure.

Since the twins had decided to use a number of fillies and colts to power their machine, the appropriate measures were taken to conserve what little energy their small bodies could provide before converting it into raw power.

The machine was pushing far beyond what it was designed to take in, and a growing sense of dread soon filled Flim as he heard the Squeezer’s gauge break.

“Wait! Wait, stop! No, no, no! A bunch of fillies and colts shouldn’t be able to generate this much energy! Where is it coming from?!”


---

Elsewhere, there was pink blur spinning on a bright red twirler outside of the school house.

“Best! Day! Ever! Whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

---

“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!” Flam screamed, grabbing onto the Squeezer One’s wheels with a telekinetic spell.

It pulled against his magic, dragging Flim along for a very painful ride as it began to tear through the orchard. Trees were uprooted, apples were smashed, and Flim was battered, beaten, and battered again as the machine raced around and through groves of trees.

"Worst! Gah! Day! Oof! Ever!" He cried, letting his magic finally slip from the runaway apple picker, hitting the ground with a solid thud before it finally crashed into the old apple barn. The old wooden walls crumbled like wet tissue, landing with an explosive crash as it buried the Squeezer One in planks and shingles.

The barn that their great great pappy made when the Apple Family settled in Ponyville. The one their papa was born in when Granny couldn't make it to the hospital. The barn where Flim and Flam were conceived in.

The barn where they were gonna host the Apple Family reunion... gone.

"... Oh, Granny's gonna kill us..."

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

Dangit Pinkie, why today of all days?

Aw man, dot's a hard thing and no mistake, all the more so in that it worked perfectly up until that point, just as intended and planned. In the future, they need to start incorporating emergency shutdown measures.

On the other hand, greatly enjoyed Flam's banter with Carrot, good to see him exercise that showpony side of his talent.

[Comickook]

OUCH. Not much I can say other than great job on the exchanges, characterizations, humor, action and future chapter set-up. Definitely appreciated the dialogue between Flam and Carrot Top, but yikes. Unfortunately, the boys' plan to get the power for their machine worked TOO WELL. They were only planning on having a bunch of foals unknowing (and painlessly) providing the power. The fatal flaw in their plan was that Pinkie Pie got into playing with the playground equipment (and, with the exceptions of Cheese Sandwich and Discord [the latter of whom won't be returning for several months] Pinkie has more energy than literally anybody else in Equestria). The result: the brothers' machine ended up doing considerable damage to the farm. And Granny probably won't ACTUALLY kill them, but she WILL provide such a stern lecture that Flim and Flam might be briefly wishing they were dead. At the very least, it's going to take several days to repair the damage that this stunt caused. It's definitely going to give Twilight the wrong idea when she eventually arrives.

Of course, I still have to wonder if Applejack is a multi-millionairess raised by the Oranges and trained by several businessponies in Manehattan and Mac a tough, but honest cop operating in some big city or another. Might make for an entertaining Compare and contrast.

Anyway, definitely looking forward to more of this.

[BioQuillFiction]

Ah damn it it ended on a cliffhanger! This is so interesting and a fun take! I must know what happens!

[LH45]

11291024
They are actually quite likeable here! I love em in this story!

[PaulAsaran]

You can has review!