• Member Since 31st May, 2020
  • offline last seen March 22nd

Spazz Kid


Local bunny fella || Don't worry, stories are coming still...

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Televisions were a very new form of technology, but a quickly adapting one.

They were usually used for family viewings, and when they weren't, they were used by the foals all over, mean't to keep them out of trouble.

But then, something strange started happening... children started going missing without a trace, always in the same room as a television.

The ponies of Equestria grew suspicious of the boxes of supposed entertainment of course, but they thought to look elsewhere for clues.

Enter Nougat, a young colt who's just trying to get by in school. When his best friend, Button Mash, goes missing, with nothing but a Television playing static as evidence, he's determined to figure out why and how.


Crossover with Little Nightmares.
I'm bad at Descriptions.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Ahh, I was wondering when it would come. Have been waiting for this specific crossover :eeyup:

Comment posted by anapgod1 deleted Apr 26th, 2021

seems like it could be fun crossover, hopefully my boy mono can be saved.

I've had this story bookmarked ever since it came out, but I have to admit that I've only gotten to it now. Shame on me. It was a great read so far, I especially enjoyed the fast-paced and tense sequence. Really good job on that one. Also, another thing that caught my eye is that nopony except Button seems to be interested in the TVs. Given how novel the device is, I'd expect it to garner more interest.

Furthermore, I also noticed a few minor issues. Check your comma placement before the word 'and'. There are cases where you've used the Ofxord comma correctly, then one or two instances where it's missing, and also a couple spots where it shouldn't be present (e.g. when you're listing just two objects or actions). Also, numerals--with the exception of years, calibers, some codenames and such, and also really large numbers--shouldn't appear in prose, as they are far too different and distracting compared to normal letters. In other words, if you need to mention a number, do so using words. Also also, there are many spots in the second half of the chapter where you've forgotten proper spacing between paragraphs, which makes some of the parts a bit harder to read. Lastly, I also noticed some errors in the capitalisation of dialogue tags. However, for the sake of keeping this comment short, I'll not go into detail here. If you want though, I can send you a miniguide on the basics of direct speech.

And that's all I wanted to mention. I shall keep tracking this. :twilightsmile:

Why did u cancel this. It was a great start

11248280
Let's just go with the fact that I cancel pretty much every long term project I start on this website.

This man lookin’ a bit thin…

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