...And so the Alicorns divided the three tribes amongst themselves, that one pair may rule over each nation. But the Wanderer had no tribe and no nation of her own, so instead she gave the gift of art and music to be shared by all, that all may live in harmony...
An Original Generation Story
Every pony knows that unicorns live in Lustre, pegasi in Meteoras, and galloway in Sylvain, and some think it should stay that way. The three nations don’t hate each other, but they definitely don’t like each other, especially now. Something is riling up the monsters and beasts of Cabalos and the nation’s leaders don’t know what to do. Unfortunately with generations of suspicion and pride to weigh them down, it looks like each nation will have to solve the problem on their own…
The village of Harmony wouldn’t know any of that. Deep in the secluded Valley of Life hidden in the Mercurial Mountains, this secret community lives in serenity with the world around them and each other and it’s been that ways for generations without anyone from the outside ever finding them.
That is until outsiders enter the valley, the first in a long time. One wouldn’t expect to find a hidden pocket of civilization all the way out here. Lightning Bug has never been good at making friends, but she manages to find a place to belong in this strange, happy town.
But with a rampaging dragon prowling outside, and something ancient and angry lurking beneath the mountains, none of them could go home even if they wanted to, not until their new home is safe. The six friends; outsiders and locals, will learn and grow together as heroes not just for the valley of life, but perhaps for all of Cabalos as well.
Special thanks to Pfeffaroo for the wonderful coverart!
i like this premise!
Hmm...original take on MLP, almost completely new lore and characters...
Alright, I'll see where this goes. Very interesting.
Probably just add a 'that' to make it
I shall look forward to more!
This is extremely interesting.
This is genuinely interesting. I'm already interested in the technologies the ponies have.
Perhaps this is my way of experiencing MLP:FIM while It's coming out, not when It's all wrapped up and done.
I hate to be that guy, but you misspelled “introduction” in the chapter title.
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Fixed!
Thank you, and don’t feel bad about pointing this stuff out. We want the story to be the best it can be.
Hm. Sudden new characters.
So far this is the one unfinished story that I have actively come back to read in my time on this site. It's amazing.
Aha! Nearly got away from me!
Anyways, I love this. I really hope it doesn't fall out and stop being updated, because it's extremely interesting. Feels like a real show, especially with Meadow slamming face-first into a tree after appearing for, what? Five seconds? And the classic trope of "Character is too busy reading/analyzing something that they don't notice the massive threat looming over them, and when they finally notice, whatever they were saying slowly goes quieter and quieter before they stop, and a few seconds later all hell breaks loose" (I really hope there's a better name for that) you did with Polaris is just amazing.
This deserves WAY more views than it has. (298 as of 9/23/2021, 10:12AM) It's interesting, we haven't even met all the characters yet, It's become my way of experiencing a bit of what MLP was like when it first came out, it's awesome. G5 may be the same, but something about this story is just... wow.
And to think it's already written out in documents and not one of those stories where someone came up with the idea late one night, uploaded a part or two, then immediately fizzles it out because they have no idea what to actually do with it. It has a proper... Storyboard? Script? Whatever. It's pretty much already written out, so the story (hopefully) won't have continuity errors. And the fact that multiple people wrote it together is icing on a very tasty cake.
This has become my longest review to date, so I wish even more good luck your way. Have fun watching G5!
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That really made my day. You have no idea ,^^
c.tenor.com/iDYg-7xD7M4AAAAM/burning-office-spongebob.gif
We definitely have it mapped out, but not every little part is written yet. The process is by no means elegant but we'll definitely try to deliver.
Glad you enjoyed it so much!
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Speaking as one of the authors, thank you. i.pinimg.com/564x/7d/93/d2/7d93d21ce5019d86864627f6995e1e65.jpg
Kinda better than the actual g5 movie
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I’m flattered you think so, really. Personally I think the movie and our project just have different goals in mind, but I’ll take the complement for now.
So she has lighting power
Out of sheer curiosity, is there any particular reason as to why this story seems to be on temporary hiatus? I am hoping it is being held back because you guys are working on it and making sure it is as good as it can be, hence why I have not said much, but now I am curious.
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You basically hit the nail on the head. We're working on it every single day, but we had to start from scratch for a large portion, and then we had to rework an entire sequence of events, which is why it's taking longer. I personally didn't want to to say much until we had something to show for it, I posted on my blog after a month passed just to let anyone know we were still alive.
I appreciate your concern ,^^ I'm glad you enjoy it enough to check in on us like this. We're doing our best, honest!
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Got on at the perfect time!
Anyways, that's good. Now that I think about it, I should probably follow you guys so I get the notifications. Would help a ton. I'm super glad this fic isn't abandoned. It's a great idea and not something one sees every day. I will continue to wish it the best of luck and hope to Faust it gains more traction on the site. It deserves way more than 432 views.
"Wait- OH MY GOD YES!!!" - My reaction seeing this pop up.
Haven't read the chapter as of this comment, busy at the moment, but I will read as soon as possible!
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Might as well help with some misspellings!
"Tiny" not "Tinny". Unless that is just a cute name for Tin.
CLEVER!
Not quite sure if the lack of 'another one of your light-shows' is intentional.
Oh great indeed.
As with the previous parts, amazing. I am glad to see this story up and running again. Truly one of the few that has fully grabbed my attention enough to put into tracking and read it As Soon As Possible whenever it updates. And I only found those errors I listed! Amazing! And aww darn it there is a dislike. That is unfortunate. Besides those, I cannot wait for more!
Actually, I can wait. In a good way, of course! I have the patience.
Unlike some people...
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We hope to deliver! And we're happy to address any criticisms. On the note of tinny; the problem is I used it in the wrong context. You call audio tinny when the quality is low and it sounds like it's on the other end of a metal funnel. You'd say a speaker is emitting tinny audio, but you wouldn't call a speaker tinny, which I did. I fixed it though, thanks for pointing it out.
Love this story
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We’re glad you like our story
More to come soon! Hopefully!
DURING SCHOOL!? WHY?!
Give me three to four hours and then I'll be able to read this!
Three words: Screw Power Outages.
Three to four hours turned into twenty-four hours.
Anyways.
I felt at first like this may be a reference to The Seven Wonders, but now I think It's just a happy coincidence.
ALRIGHT! HOLD ON! ALL STOP! I THOUGHT THIS WAS AN ORIGINAL GENERATION STORY! In all seriousness this is freaking amazing. Took me completely by surprise. My assumption is that she's the mare on the far right side of the cover, so she isn't exactly... you-know-who. But her NAME. HER NAME is just... augh. Wow. I have no words. I canNOT believe you picked THAT name. Then again, it is rather fitting, considering.
Anyway.
I want this to be animated.
This is the first fanfic I will flat-out say that I want animated. I am playing an animation in my head as I read and I loooooove iiiiit. Here's to hoping the next chapter doesn't take as long as this to come out! Even though it probably might because this level of quality is hard to write! The pacing, characters, descriptions, everything! And I didn't even spot any errors!
At least I don't think I did. I may have spotted one towards the beginning, but I've forgotten where it is and I can't find it now. Soooo... Yeah.
Great Chapter!
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You're not wrong, exactly. Seven is a very important number both in our world and Cabalos, as we'll soon see.
You're right! Our Apple Bloom is the rightmost character on the cover. Most generations feature a main character who's been retooled from a previous generation (eg Rainbow Dash the fashionista from g3 retooled to who we know today), so we wanted to do the same to a character who debuted in g4, and we ended up choosing Apple Bloom. Applejack's been around since the beginning of the brand, and we named our cast before A New Generation was announced, so at the time we thought it'd be neat it have an Apple in the cast as a kind of tradition/callback thing.
The 'wait a minute, I know that name!' moment is honestly one of my favorite parts of reading a story and I'm pleased you liked it so much.
Your words are super encouraging, and they mean that we're accomplishing what we set out to do; create a story that feels like a new tv show, and they mean all the agonizing I do over every page isn't for nothing! I love a good story, but I want it to read well too, so at the very least I want to provide something that's fun to read and worth the wait.
Maybe somewhere down the line we can scout out some talented artists for an animatic. It's kind of a pipe-dream at this point but who knows?
We'll do our best!
It'd probably be best to keep everything in one story. The big opening chapters may be daunting, but they do the majority of the heavy lifting for world building.
I didn’t think dragons in this world were sentient
Well, a bit late, but I'm caught up with the story. And I gotta say, I'm really liking it. There's some very interesting worldbuilding involved, the characters are distinct and memorable, the dialogue is fun to read. I'm eagerly waiting for the next chapter.
If they are connected to the main story, I think it'd be best to post them here.
11175550 Applebloom got isekai'd and is trying to play it off. Because everything is now anime.
FEATURED LIST! HOLY CRAP YOU GOT ON THE FEATURED LIST! NICELY DONE!
I'll catch up as quick as I can once I'm done writing a chapter, but again, GREAT JOB getting on the featured list! This should be a surefire way to get more people to notice this criminally underrated story!
I don't know if it's just me, but I find it really interesting how context and reactions of other characters can change the perception of a character's actions. Meadow Skip isn't behaving very differently than his usual, but coming on to Apple Bloom despite her obvious lack of interest, combined with seeming disregard for the gravity of the situation, makes him come off less as a likeable whimsical bard he's been up to this point. It's really interesting to see characters who can be perceived in different ways while doing the same thing depending on the context.
Also, why do I feel like we're going to see more of that dragon? Never assume something is dead until you see the body.
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There's probably a Meteroan saying about dragons not staying dead, and this one is no ordinary dragon.
I can’t wait for the sequel. Found some errors like, “she instead of the”, but it was minor
And the dragons ate up the pegasuses, and then they died, the end!
Oh, there are more chapters...
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You have no idea
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im interested in this.
lets show them the Magic of Friendship
That, sadly, seems to be the case. Sometimes it's outright baffling what kind of stories become popular on this site, when things like this one go unnoticed. Hopefully this will get more attention as time goes on.
This really deserves more attention. I’d also love to see some sort of crossover between this and a gen4 fiction just cause how interesting it would be
I like this, it's very enjoyable and I can't wait to see more.
I gotta be honest, I can't read anymore. There's SO MUCH DIALOG, and very little ends up being said. At times it's hard to tell who's even talking, because 6 or more spoken lines are written with several ponies present, and nothing to make it clear which one is speaking. There's often no action being taken, no motions to bring life to the lines and suggest that the characters are doing anything more than standing there reading the script. The plot advances so little in 10k words, i can scroll through almost everything and miss nothing, then read the next chapter, mostly skimming, and pick up the few plot-progressing details.
There's no establishment of setting half the time, which makes it hard to put myself into the scene, and then it's basically the equivalent of 'two characters talking on a couch. Sitting and talking. Standing and talking. Talking and walking... A camera, B camera... (this is the fanfic equivalent of the "The Phantom Menace" at this point).
And the plot details we do get? Almost all telling. Often in italics for story-within-story type narration. And then I have to wonder how relevant it's actually going to be, because whatever it references doesn't seem to show up again for the next couple very long chapters.
It started out with a mysterious setting, and monsters at least spicing up the tedium of wandering around, the mystery of the space seeming to curve around on itself and prevent the characters from getting anywhere. There was at least a little tension now and then. But these last couple chapters just don't move anything along. Long-winded banter between characters should move the story along; just consider the council scene in "Fellowship Of the Ring". SO MUCH HAPPENS in that scene, not merely reciting history. Decisions and debates take place, characters are given potent personalities, huge points of contention arise, and the main character is forced to make a CRUCIAL choice which alters his life and their entire world forever. THAT is what a wall of dialog should do in a long story. But even there, it's not simply characters talking back and forth. There are THINGS happening. They take breaks, like REAL PEOPLE. They get weary, they need to refresh, they need time to think and reflect and strategize. Everything is always in motion, even when they're mainly sitting still.
And the words are meaningful. So much of what is said in that council has IMMEDIATE important ramifications; whereas with most of the dialog here... I cannot find a reason for most of it to exist. it just drags out scenes and does add anything. Some of the scenes themselves feel totally extraneous. A huge amount of it feels like trying to listen in on casual conversations in a diner, something you only do when waiting impatiently for the meat and potatoes to arrive.
Knowing what NOT to put into a story is often more important than what to include.
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Honestly I'm happy enough that somebody took the time to criticize, I'm glad you took the time to read as far as you did.
I definitely know I'm a long-winded writer and it's been brought to my attention a couple of times. If there was a way to accomplish what I want in fewer words I really want to know what it is.
Is there a scene in particular that exemplifies what you were talking about?
11311737 The important thing with dialog is to make it RELEVANT. There are ways to restructure conversation to make it more succinct and interesting. For one thing, simply alternating speaking roles with NO actions taking place is very dull. The characters should be DOING something. Indeed, often it's far better to simply have them carry out the action with narration rather than talking about it.
Mundane tasks usually don't need character dialog directly related to the task. Instead, use the task as a FRAMING device for the characters to talk about something IMPORTANT while they're carrying it out.
For instance: two characters doing dishes while talking about the demons rising from the Hellmouth in their backyard. You can use their ACTIONS with the dishes to frame the scene, and either SUPPORT or CONTRADICT their dialog. For the sake of comedy, they could be nonchalantly washing the dishes, merely making droll commentary of the fire and brimstone, and how they're worried the soul-sucking hoards could crack the fine china. OR, you could make a tense horror scene where the helpless characters are attempting to put a bold face on things, while shaking vibrations through the dish water as they tremble in fear, tightly wringing the dish towel until it tears in half, or dropping dishes... all while their DIALOG has them playing it off... maybe with the undertone being that the demons only attack those who show fear, and they toy with their victims until they snap... which is what they're doing here.... something slowly revealed throughout the story until the climax to gradually bring the reader to the terrible revelation. There, you have TENSION!!!, and a simple scene of washing dishes becomes INTENSE and meaningful. Indeed, that could be a short story all on its own.
But just having characters TALKING about doing a task? Going back and forth with spoken lines and little to no action? Having that task be completely disconnected from the CORE plot in any way? That's wasted space.
There's not many original generation stories on this site as far as I know. I've been considering writing one myself, but there's just so much planning required to construct an entirely new world. I look forward to reading the rest of this, it looks promising so far.
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Thank you so much for your kind words 🙏
It def took a long time to build, me and my friends were at this for over a year before we published this haha