137- Bes
People had to make room for us on the dance floor. They did so naturally; stepping back to watch two royals make fools of themselves was the natural response, and that gave us more than enough elbow room to not step on anyone.
We did indeed make fools of ourselves, with Luna being overly stiff and unsure of the unstructured dance moves she was doing, and myself being overly nervous and unsure of the alien dance moves I was trying to do. It was a far cry from the dance lessons I had received briefly before the Gala.
Still, I had fun. Even if I was extremely embarrassed, I got to actually dance with Luna. No disguises, no ulterior motives, and most certainly no Nightmares glaring at us from across the room. Instead, there were just drones and ponies, giggling at our awkwardness, but polite enough to get on with their own dances and make us feel less alienated. Also, many of the drones were less than great dancers, given that they were just as unfamiliar with pony customs as us two.
Thorax and Diamond were great dancers. Somehow.
Luna and I got close to each other when the current song ended, and another took its place. Stealing some moves from the people around us, we started dancing fur-against-chitin. Had it been a more formal dance, we would have been up on our hindlegs, holding each other closely.
‘We can try that out later. Maybe in private…’
“Thank you,” Luna said suddenly, having to whisper it into my ear for me to hear it.
“For what?”
“For planning this day. It has been a long, long time since I interacted with my ponies outside of a throne room. I had forgotten just how fun it is!”
“Heh, thanks for… everything,” I said.
“Everything? That’s a lot to take credit for.”
“Well, you–”
“No, no. I shall take credit for everything,” Luna winked.
I chuckled quietly, “Oh magnanimous Princess Luna, how can I ever repay you?”
Luna looked deep in thought for a second, slowing her dancing to think.
“I do not have a witty retort for that. Pretend I said something clever.”
I laughed, and we finished our dance together.
We returned to our table, while Thorax and Diamond were still on the dance floor. Luna and I simply talked about musical instruments, which were new and which Luna recognized, while we waited on our food.
As if guided by a sixth sense, my friends returned just as the greasily, delicious fast food arrived. Judging by Luna’s facial expressions and emotions, the palace staff would be learning how to use a deep fryer when we got back, if they did not already know how to use one.
We got a good look at our vacation spot from the air; Shimmervale was nestled at the roots of the Crystal Mountain Range, where the mountains gave way to the plains that formed the space between them and the Celestial Sea to the east. To the south, Manehattan was only just visible on the horizon. To the north, the mountains held a more temperate valley, famous for its rainbow waterfalls. Beyond that, there was nothing. Similarly, to the Northwest, there was nothing but snow.
The Frozen North once held an entire Empire, Luna claimed. Now, it hosts nothing but wind.
Shimmervale was a large tourist town, having initially boomed on its mining industry, and lately expanding heavily into tourism based on skiing and other mountainous activities. Resorts had sprung up around the river that cut through the town like wild flowers. The alpine-style lodgings had begun to dominate the low bases of the nearby mountains, overlooking the growing town. A light spattering of snow crested the roofs of the town, but the sky was clear and skiing season was only just beginning.
It wasn’t even Halloween yet. Or, as the ponies call it, Nightmare Night. That was next week, and apparently Luna had been invited out to Ponyville to attend it. I was taking the opportunity to finish up some important work in Manehattan, but that was neither here nor there.
The sky chariot that carried us four began to descend to the largest of all these resorts; the Riverrun Resort.
‘Ponies sure do love their alliteration.’
There was hardly much that distinguished it from its neighbors; merely its size and fantastic location made it the crown jewel of Shimmervale's growing tourist industry. While there was only a hooffull of resorts on this side of the town, I knew that in time, there would be dozens. As long as there was reasonable space, there would be ponies willing to pay to develop the place.
“Lightbulb,” I muttered, receiving a few confused glances from the other three. “I think I know of another way to invest our bits,” I explained.
“Of course,” Thorax sighed, rolling his eyes. “You know, I think we’re reaching the limits of what we can spend, Phas, especially with how many bits you’re pouring onto Double Diamond’s parents. Throw that on top of the new pay system, and I think you’re going to overstretch the budget.”
“You do realize that we’re monopolizing an entire industry in the world’s biggest nation, right Thorax? Soon enough, our Hive is going to be an investment hedge fund that has pockets deep enough to rival entire governments. Which is good, ‘cuz that’s what we are.”
“I will never understand how you can stomach all that talk of investments this and profit that,” Luna bemoaned. “It is far too convoluted and dry to be worth spending any more thought than what is necessary on it. I swear, at times I fear that I have involved myself with a ledger, rather than a stallion.”
“You missed your chance to disentangle yourself from me, Luna,” I said, kissing her forehead. “You’re dating a calculator, I’m afraid to say.”
“I do not even know what that is!”
“It’s something that’s going to make the Diamonds and the Hive very rich, once we finish working out solar power and the core of the device. We’re probably going to have to settle with batteries though, which already exist in a crude form. It will have to be enough… The calculating part of it is another beast entirely, and they've been trying to figure out a enchantment-system that can handle simple calculations. I'm sure we'll reach a breakthrough soon, though.”
“Do you know what he’s talking about?” Thorax whispered to Double Diamond.
He shrugged, “Sorta?”
The carriage finished its descent, landing on the strip of road in front of the resort.
A pair of servants opened the carriage’s doors, bowing as they pulled them open. Thorax and Diamond stepped out first, followed by Luna and then myself. Given the sudden interest spiked with fear from the ponies around us, it was quite clear that this was their first encounter with changelings, much like many of the ponies in Manehattan.
“Your Majesties, right this way,” a pegasus in a red bellhop’s uniform said, emerging from the doors. A few more ponies in similar suits rushed out to grab our bags from the carriage. Nodding, Luna walked forward, and the rest of us followed in her wake.
The lobby of the lodge was just as impressive as the rest of it; one massive pine tree dominated the lobby, with a wall of windows behind it overlooking where the ski runs ended at the lodge’s base. The tree’s branches were weighed down with oversized Christmas ornaments, or, as the natives would call it, Hearth’s Warming ornaments.
Given that it was late October, I was slightly sick at the sight.
The staff guided us to an elevator, which we rode to the top floor. The top floor had noticeably few doorways; only four in the entire hall. The bellhop opened one of the doors, holding it for us as we entered our room.
“This is homely,” Luna said as we took in the room.
True enough, it was a far cry from the borderline-gaudy lobby, instead going for a more modern homely appearance. The front area was split into three parts: a massive kitchen, a large dining area, and a huge, two story family room that stretched up to the vaulted ceilings. Warm colors, wide windows, and large sofas, and a moderate sized fireplace took up the majority of the living room, reminding me of a well-off home from Earth.
“A far cry from the Castle or any of Canterlot’s bigger mansions,” I agreed.
“This place is great!” Thorax cheered, sauntering forward to check the fluffiness of the couch’s pillows.
I snorted when he simply face-planted onto the couch.
“Thank you,” I said to the bellhop, giving him a tip. He smiled, nodded, and excused himself from the room.
Luna, oblivious to the modern tipping culture, eyed me curiously as she sat on the far side of the living room.
“This is nostalgic to you?” She guessed.
“How did–”
“I do not need to sense emotions to read a face, Phasma,” Luna remarked.
I sighed, walking over to join her on the couch. Thorax sat up, while Diamond checked out the kitchen, an ear perked in our direction.
“It looks straight out of Earth. I never knew how much I missed squares! Seriously, you ponies seem to abhor straight lines.”
Luna nodded and cast a look around the room, “It certainly seems far too orderly to be truly Equestrian.”
“It’s okay Luna, you can admit that Equestrians are horrible interior designers,” I said.
“The kitchen looks good,” Diamond announced. “Like, really good. I’ll go check out upstairs, you guys finish looking over the first floor.”
“There’s an upstairs?” Thorax asked. “Wait for me!”
Thorax leapt off of the couch and cantered after Double Diamond, who was climbing a large staircase that I had missed at first glance. Dragging Luna by the hoof, I led the way as we finished looking over the first floor. There was a spare bedroom and two bathrooms, as well as the master bedroom. That last room in particular was a welcome sight; a royal-sized bed, a smaller fireplace, a grand master bathroom with a tub big enough for both of us to sit in, which was saying something considering I was over twice the size of a normal changeling, and an amazing view of the mountains.
We returned to the main room to find that our bags had been brought up. Well, Luna’s and Double Diamond’s bags. Thorax and I sorta lacked a lot of stuff, and we each had a single small bag. Actually, Thorax had a large bag, as he actually had some winter gear.
“We need to go shopping,” Luna said.
“We do?”
“If we are to ski, I believe there is equipment required, correct?”
I nodded, “Ah, yes. We’ll need skis, boots, poles… winter clothing.”
Luna grinned, “This will be fun! I have never skied, so this is a first for me.”
“Do we have some sort of… itinerary?” I asked.
“We’ll gear you guys up,” Double Diamond said, prompting Luna and I to look up. He was leaning over a railing above us on the second floor. “Then, this afternoon, you two are going to learn how to ski!”
Thorax appeared next to Diamond, and waved at us. “I’ve still got my gear from Manehattan! It fits pretty well. I don’t think your stuff is going to fit, Phasma…”
“I know, that stuff was sized for Expected Value. What did you two find up there?” I asked.
“Three bedrooms,” Diamond announced. “I think we’ve got more beds than we know what to do with.”
“This lodging has the largest master bedroom, which is something Phasma and I require,” Luna explained. “There is also the fact that we are previewing this room in order to make sure we will be satisfied come Hearth’s Warming. Also, there should be a secondary master up there, correct? I was sure to specify that requirement.”
“That would explain it, yeah I think there’s a big bedroom up here,” Diamond said.
“Excellent. Celestia will be taking that room, then.”
“Not us?” I asked. “I figured Celestia would try to take the master–”
“She will make do with the secondary,” Luna dismissed the idea.
“Heh, works for me. So a room for us two, Thorax and Double Diamond, Cadence and Shining Armor, Celestia, and one bedroom left for Coxa and Lace. Heh, everyone’s a couple except Celestia. We probably shouldn’t mention that fact to her. More importantly, where the hell are the Elements going to stay if they come?” I wondered. “Are there pullouts in the couches?”
“Are there what-nows?” Luna echoed. “Phasma, if we are short on bedrooms, we will rent more.”
I blinked, “.... We can do that?”
Luna nodded, “It will be costly, but so long as we do it soon, we can find availability, not to mention the fact that money is not an issue for either of us. Still, you have no idea how much of a headache getting this room was on such short notice.”
“I thought Celestia would have been the one to get this place.”
“You seem to be guessing incorrectly a lot today,” she teased.
“.... Yeah now I don’t believe you,” I said, shaking my head.
Luna huffed, “Okay, Celestia was the one to acquire this room. But!”
“But?”
“.... I took credit for everything, remember?”
I rolled my eyes.
We went shopping.
It went… poorly.
Luna and I were on the main room’s massive couch, while Thorax and Diamond were suiting up to head out.
“I don’t know what I expected,” I muttered.
Luna patted me on the back.
“To be fair, every single one of us forgot that stores do not carry alicorn-sized boots or skis.”
“Sorry again,” Diamond called out.
“Not your fault,” I said quietly.
“It’s a good thing you can disguise yourself and use that set that does fit,” Thorax said.
“It’s not the same,” I moped. “I was looking forward to skiing undisguised. Well, it’s a slight problem in our plan. I’ll just have to make sure to get a properly sized set of boots and skis before Hearth’s Warming.”
“Alright,” Diamond said. “We’re set. I’m going to take Thorax out, and teach him how to ski. Then I’ll come for you two, okay? It’s easier if I can guide you one at a time.”
“That sounds wonderful. Thank you for this, Double Diamond,” Luna said.
Diamond blushed, “Aw, it’s nothing, Princess! Thanks for paying for this great room! Dad was right, you really gotta get rich friends…”
“Are you saying we are friends?” Luna asked.
“Oh! I, errr, yes? That is, if you wish–”
“Huzzah! I have been back for less than a few months, and I have already made more friends than that old nag has in decades! Eat my shit, Celestia!”
I leaned over, “You just say ‘eat shit.’”
“Eat shit, Celestia!”
“Perfect.”
“... You’re a bad influence, Phas,” Thorax shook his head. “And you overloaded my colfriend!” Thorax started dragging Double Diamond out. “We’ll see you in like an hour or two.”
The door shut behind them.
“... What the hell are we going to do for a whole hour?” I wondered out loud. “I should’a brought some work with me, I could have used this time to work on drafting the constitution!”
“Excuse me? Have you already forgotten that this is a vacation, Phasma?”
“Well what the hell are we going to do, then?” I repeated myself.
Luna leveled a stare at me.
‘I’m not a workaholic, I swear! I just find statecraft to be fun….. for now! I’m sure the honeymoon phase will end sooner rather than later, and this will all become burdens.’
Suddenly, Luna put on a mischievous look, “You know, one hobby I tried my hoof at was being a masseuse.”
“A…. masseuse?”
She shrugged, “I thought it would acclimate stallions to me more, allowing for more personal relationships. It did not really work. In fact, it had the opposite effect more often than not.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Luna…”
Luna shook her head, “That time was not wasted if my skills can bring you any comfort.”
“Uhh…..”
She rose and led me by the hoof to the master bedroom. I stopped before we got halfway there.
“Wait, I probably need to disguise first. I can’t imagine massages working on chitin.”
She paused and waved at me to go ahead.
After disguising myself as Expected Value the unicorn, I decided to point out the obvious.
“You know, I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be the coltfriend who gives the massage…”
Luna guffawed, “Hahahaha! With those massive hooves?! We would have gone extinct had that been a regular practice before copulation! I would think receiving a massage from a rockfall would be more relaxing. You are mixing your customs up with ours again, Phasma.”
I stared at one of my hooves, “They’re not that big.”
“It was a joke, Phasma. A joke. Mares pursued stallions traditionally, remember? That means we often had to learn such skills to court the ones we desire. But if those clumsy oafs paid attention and learned from us…” she trailed off.
“I’ve had hooves for twelve months, Luna, it’s a damned miracle I can gallop in a straight line. I don’t think I can easily learn a skill that requires such finesse.”
She gave me a smile that screamed ‘danger.’
“Then we might need to do this a few times,” she whispered.
Then, she teleported us above the bed, sick of my delaying tactics.
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Im laughing so hard oh my god-
If nothing else, Phas is sharing the time-honored tradition of human
swearing"colorful metaphors".As for the ski gear, does no one know a spell to alter the size of the items? (I suppose Twilight would...)
Would you like to know more?
Bes (/ˈbɛs/; also spelled as Bisu), together with his feminine counterpart Beset, is an ancient Egyptian deity worshipped as a protector of households and, in particular, of mothers, children, and childbirth. Bes later came to be regarded as the defender of everything good and the enemy of all that is bad. Bes may have been a Middle Kingdom import from Nubia or Somalia,[2] and his cult did not become widespread until the beginning of the New Kingdom
Damn it so many updates of story's i read... Just KKSlider win the 'read it now' roulet ♡
Not even being reincarnated can you escape the scourge of the early Christmas
Luna is still THE best Princess i see... Nothing new there. Carry on.
*Doing a Hyena impression*
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I've seen people set up Christmas decorations as early as August.
Like....
Wat?
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Ngl, Christmas in July isn't that bad
(Ed edd n eddy fans know)
hurray for new chapter! also love that phas actually cares about work, so many HiE stories have the human being lazy and trying to avoid work all the time. it's annoying
Now that’s exciting. It would be interesting to have Phasma come along with Luna to Nightmare Night. Considering that he has already helped her get out of her traditional customs, she will probably have a much easier time. This also gives a good excuse for Phasma to interact with the main cast some more. Not sure if you’ll take this route, as I know you tend to avoid getting involved with most of the show’s events, but regardless, I would love to see your take in this, especially considering that it’s a Luna-related issue, and his support would be mostly appreciated.
Can't stop re-reading, send help...
Also popcorn
Yeah, it seems rather obvious in hindsight that the ski hill wouldn't stock alicorn sized ski equipment.
Now we get more of Phasma getting used to how things work in Equestria!
Still enjoying this far too much.
11070795
If Andre "the Giant" Roussimoff had been the type for bitterness, he would probably have laughed bitterly at clothing billed as one-size-fits-all. Phasma and Luna are proportionally even larger.
Wait a minute, Phasma is going to invent calculators? Isn't that, like, a few orders of magnitude greater than lightbulbs? Are ponies even able to make MOSFETs?
Nice
MORE FORESHADOWING?!
On the topic of calculators, wonder if ponies figured out i2=-1
.
If not mathematicians will forgive everything Phasma ever done or will do
There is great vid on YT about invention of i.
So he's not the type to play Christmas Carols right after Halloween, I take it?
TTTTTTTRRRRUUUUEEEEE
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#relatable brother
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Yeah we get Welcome to the Jungle in the morning and then end the day with Changing Expectations, just what the doctor ordered
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Just wanna say I always appreciate this
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Thanks god for the guys or girl developing 'text to speech' function. It's worth buckets of gold
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No kidding. I mean, BJTs would be easier than MOSFETs, but I think any semiconductor is out of the question at this point. Even if they had the material science to develop Vacuum Tube Diodes (which are a lot harder than simple light bulbs), commercial calculators like the Casio Model 14-A are at least 40 years away and more portable ones at least 60 years.
I work in the production and logistics of electronics and I can tell you that the reason for that 40+ year delay is not ignorance. Calculators are not actually that complicated. Calculator designs started before electronics were even invented (the ponies probably even made mechanical ones at this point, they are just really fancy clocks). Rather, the delay is because of the logistics of creating the world-wide infrastructure and production needed to make the thousands of parts to go into the machines, which can make the machines which can make the calculators. That isn't something you can just whip-up in a few years. He could *maybe* make a room-sized behemoth similar to ENIAC in a few years if they could make vacuum tubes, but I don't know anyone who has that kind of background knowledge outside of antique radio enthusiasts.
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I’ve never heard of anyone actually using that, what’s it like?
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Depends on you'r device. For me it's a female with high or low pitched voice reading in a pace i set.
I'm surprised you don't use it. Ones the srttings are chosen it's rather very pleasent. I use a special text to read Website for other storys not supported.
Here a example:
https://ttsreader.com/de/
Just copy paste the text and set speed and voice/language.
11070925
Huh, interesting. I normally don’t use it since I find reading it more enjoyable and I’m usually in public when I read and I don’t always wanna bother with earbuds
11070912
It's not just the logistics of manufacturing. A digital calculator needs some specialized knowledge to invent. Even if that knowledge is simple to understand, ponies would have had no reason to discover it unless they already had digital technology. For instance, it's physically impossible to make a digital circuit do subtraction, so the workaround is making it do surplus addition via the 2's Complement Theorem. Why would ponies know that theorem if the have no digital technology already?
A nice little slice of life right here. Really enjoyed it!
It’s interesting that Slider is steering clear from most cannon events as of right now ( With the exception of the Summer Sun Celebration, and the Gala) it gives the story a unique look.
Also with Phasma being the business-ling that he is, it makes me wonder if he will meet the infamous Flim and Flam? Now that might be quite the confrontation.
amazing this chapter is full of so much fun. i love this story it is grate.
11070963
It is refreshing, and if my memory serves me correctly, I do believe he hasn't even watched the show before
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Yeah, he's going to find the process of inventing calculators a lot more difficult than he imagines. I can't exactly write it in at the moment, but even with magic, calculators are at least two decades away in-story, probably more.
Actually, I meant to write that in right now, thanks for reminding me, and my bad for forgetting to fix that little detail.
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11070957
While the author's statement on the matter isn't entirely wrong, decades mean little in the face of millennia. Once the cavalcade of "interesting times" exacerbated by the near-OC Nightmares is dealt with, he'll have all the time in the world (especially since G5 will be dropped into the same hole as Crayolings by necessity rather than personal taste).
I dont think Celestia's plan to have the Hive join will work with Phasma setting technological progress on a exponential pace like he is used to by introducing semiconductors with the help of Double Diamond's relatives, we have basically given up on predicting the near future.
So... what happened to Shimmervale? Are they going there later or is Chapter 106 in need of a little revision?
Not that I'd complain mind you. While I'd be interesting to see Sunset Shimmer's version of Our Town (assuming it wasn't just Our Town, that'd have been cool too), our dear characters have earned their rest.
11070839
The irony of Luna being worried about being perceived as a villainous monster by the townsfolk when her +1 literally is perceived as a villainous monster by the entire southern half of Equestria.
11070976
That’s cool, because I barely watch the show. I’m just here for the amazing fanfiction.
11071032
ah, I changed it's name. I had no idea I named it earlier. I'm too lazy to dig through CE to find the previous mentions, so I guess I'll keep it Shimmervale.
11071052
Yeah I haven’t touched the source material in a hot minute, also too consumed with the fan content on this site
11071056
Honestly me too. Personally though fimfiction itself is why I'm still here. It's by far the best online story sharing website I know.
11071085
TRUE Wattpad is shit and Archive of Our Own is too hard to navigate for my smooth brain
Worldbuilding! +1 point!
That brings to mind...
I'm with Luna on this one.
Nice
Brings to mind part of Ghostbusters: The Video Game.
-------------------------------------------
Sounds more homey than anything else.
Good chapter
This is just hilarious, something about Luna yelling to the sky "Eat my shit, Celestia!" Is so expectedly unexpected it caught me off guard.
Imagine telling a millennium old god to Eat Your Shit because you have more friends than them.
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I have learnt a lot from these comments. In hind sight it makes sense, digital technology is a bit far ahead yet for the ponies.
However, while some of their Technological Science is decades--if not centuries--underdeveloped (compared to Earth), they have quite a bit of understanding in Magical Science, a subject that has already skipped them ahead to certain fields we can't even bother thinking in the theoretical. If it were me, I would still heavily fund technological advancement (since it is always good to have another branch of science around just in case), but not being able to use the element of magic already present in the world to find practical shortcuts sounds like a waste.
After all, Science is about mashing two things together and seeing what happens, pushing the limits of curiosity.