• Published 18th Oct 2020
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Changing Expectations - KKSlider



What does it mean to be a Changeling? To the former human Prince Phasma, that means doing what you can to survive and thrive in an utterly alien world.

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73- Fulla

The day had passed unfortunately uneventfully. There was still paperwork to fill out and peaceful streets to walk up and down. At least they had actually set up a bank account for me to deposit and withdraw bits from. I was definitely going to empty that thing once I inevitably hit the road.

Now I was in Celestia’s personal study. I didn’t know what it looked like now, but before I had ruined its serene sanctity it was quite the sight to see.

“Anxious in our slumber, we moan, beg, and plead,” I hummed.

I sat down in front of one of the massive bookcases that lined the room. Pulling a random colorful book off the shelf, I flipped the book open to the middle of it. The ink on the page was squirming like a colony of ants, scurrying to and fro.

“The cart’s before the horse but the eyes don’t perceive..”

I was definitely alone in this room. There was no body lying behind me, looking at me when I had my back turned. Flipping a page yielded only more words wriggling about. I watched as Sesquipedalophobia moved back and forth and inched forward, like a worm tunneling through dirt. Sighing, I tossed the book over my shoulder and pulled another from the shelf. The thrown book hit the carpet that covered the center of the room, and nothing else.

“Monster in the flesh that the mind won’t believe…”

I turned to look behind me.

It was a mistake.

‘Why now? It’s over. In the past! Done with! Get! Lost!’

No matter how hard I tried to bend the world to my will, I was not alone in the room. It seems that Dreamwalkers can still have nightmares. Or maybe I just sucked at the whole dream manipulation shtick.

I sighed again and moved from the bookcase to a glass case next to it in the corner of the room. Lying inside was a set of tablets of unusual origin. Completely different from Rodents of Unusual Size, they looked old, valuable, and in bad shape. Very old, in that case. They were cased in blue shining stone and were broken off in many areas.

“Another parallel? Hmm… Did my mind conjure this, or did I catch a glimpse of these tablets while I was in here?” I wondered out loud.

The subconscious was a vast vault filled with details. I knew that more than almost any other person, being a living version of those vaults.

‘I wonder if my Weave picks up more details than my mind can naturally store? That would explain why I learned spells so easily. Well, I say easily. It was akin to pulling teeth. Or learning how to do triple integrals. Eh, same thing. Wait, haven’t I thought about this before? Damn, I must be pretty bored if I’m rehashing old thoughts.’

“Let’s see. If I was a pony, what stupid horse-name would I give the Epic of Gilgamesh?”

I opened the glass case and lifted one of the Lapis Lazuli tablets out. Inspecting it, I watched as the surface covered in cuneiform etchings shimmered and reflected the sunlight from the window just to my right. Unlike Earth’s counterparts, these were actually made of the precious sky blue stone. There was an abundance of crystals and other precious materials here in this new world. My new world. This room was a testament to the sheer availability of gold, silver, and unfettered greed.

Everything except that which was gilded in blood. The very first thing I killed.

“Alright. I get it. You’re here. You’re creepy. And you just won’t let me forget. What do you want me to say?”

The dead kept their silence.

“I don’t even get to be properly scared by this shit. Just… annoyed? Pissed? Creeped out? What do you want from me?!”

Shaking my head, I went back to ignoring the decaying elephant in the room.

“I hope Luna gets here soon.”

I set the tablet back in the case and immediately I felt a breeze. The air smelled just a bit cleaner. It made me realize that the room smelled musty and full of mold. Or would that be decay?

“Speak of the devil.”

“Phasma? Why have you conjured this location, and in this state?”

She had entered through the front door, hence the breeze. I heard her behind me, but I didn’t turn to greet her.

“I didn’t. I can’t change it, either.”

I heard Luna’s hoofsteps become muffled as she stepped off the tile floor and onto the lavish carpet. Her soft hooffalls approached me from behind.

“Are you okay?”

“I should be.”

“We would not be here if you were of healthy mind.”

“We don’t have to be here at all. Aren’t we about to go see Cadence?”

“Yes…”

“Good. Let’s go.”

“You should not ignore what your psyche is trying to tell you. Such a mistake undoes the best of us.”

“I know exactly what my mind is telling me. Listen, I understand that no one goes through what I’ve been and comes out completely okay. I know that only time will heal– no, will dull the wounds and the pain. I’m not choosing to be here, I just am. Can we just go?”

“... If we must. Step close and we shall leave this sorry locale behind us.”

“Yeah, and then I can talk to Cadence about exactly what happened here. Fun.”

“Oh. That would indeed be why you are trapped in this little nightmare. Your mind anticipates the reopening of old wounds and the pain that comes with it.”

“They’re hardly old.”

“That is… Yes, they are quite new. I apologize, I oft neglect to remember that the invasion had only been a few weeks ago. My duties have kept me busy all day every day, and my nights are full of our conversations and traveling. It feels as if months had passed since our last meeting in the real world.”

“Speaking of which, these constant nightly meetings make me feel tired and stretched thin. It has been such a long time since I just rested. Is there any way we can just… sleep?”

“Of course. I shall teach you how later. For now, let us depart this macabre premonition.”

I lined up next to her and she pulled me close with a wing. In what was becoming a familiar scene, we were ripped out from my dream, hurled across a place both no sense of space and a perfect one-to-one match of the real world, and ended up in… a garden.

The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and a cool breeze wafted through the warm air. We were standing on a stone path that meandered through a small grass grove, surrounded on all sides by a tall hedge. A few trees reached up into the sky form behind the green living walls. At the base of the hedges, flowerbeds wrapped around the space, like the protective lining at the bottom of a wall. The yellows, blues, and purples of the flowers reminded me of home.

Eager to change the subject of my focus, I looked around and noticed that we were not alone in the minuscule grove. Princess Cadence was laying down in the shadow of a tree that hung as the backdrop of one corner of the grove. She was sitting on a picnic blanket, lounging lazily.

“It is like you two hate the pleasures and comforts of night. It is always day in your dreams!”

I rolled my eyes as Cadence lifted her head and blinked away tiredness.

“Auntie Luna?”

“Indeed. ‘Tis I, your favorite aunt. Phasma is here too. I am afraid he clung to my leg and I simply could not shake him off.”

“I wanted to go smashing mailboxes but it seems we’re here instead. Hello Cadence.”

Cadence hesitated before putting on a smile that took a slight amount of visible effort to maintain. It was only due to my time in the Hive that I recognize the signs of fatigue she wore. Within a moment of appearing, the signs vanished and her smile became more natural.

‘Look at that, Chrysalis’s training is coming in handy once again. I guess she is still getting over the fact that I am not a monster.’

“Hello Phasma, have you come to chat?”

“We have,” Luna nodded and walked over.

Cadence frowned, “I’m sorry I haven’t stopped by in the past few days to catch up with you Auntie, Division-P has kept me quite busy.”

“There is no need to apologize. These are difficult times. Now, I do believe you two have a conversation to finish.”

“Yes…” Cadence said slowly.

“Yes…” I agreed just as hesitantly.

Luna flopped down onto the grass and got comfortable.

“Quit staring at each other and start talking.”

‘It seems I’ll be the one to start, seeing as how I’m not the one afraid here.’

I broke the silence, “Right. Would you care to share your story first, or should I?”

“... You can tell your story first.”

I sighed, “It started before I was born. In more ways than one, I suppose. My mother, Queen Chrysalis, attempted to… be reunited with her daughter. Only problem being that said daughter had been dead for two centuries. Or, maybe she wasn’t. I wasn’t exactly there to know how it went down, but I digress. Something went wrong in the process, and instead I came to be. That was.... October?”

“How many years ago?”

“Last October.”

“Haha, very funny. You’re not less than a year old. You’re not.”

“Well…”

“Do not– Phasma. Are you going to just lie to me? After we agreed to an end to this… hatred?”

Luna explained, “Phasma tells the truth.”

Cadence’s eyes widened as she looked between us.

“No. It simply can’t be!”

I shrugged, “It is. And it isn’t…”

“What does that mean?”

“I am... What, ten months old? I am also not that young, as you said. I couldn’t be.”

“So then how the heck old are you?”

“Heh. In my twenties, in total.”

“In total? I swear, you are as cryptic as Auntie Daybreaker.”

“I said it all started before I was born, didn’t I? That includes, well, me.”

“... You’re saying that you… lived before you were born?” I nodded slowly. “And now you’re here?”

Her eyes darted back and forth as she slowly lowered her gaze to the ground, as if mentally flipping through pages of a book.

“Reincarnation. That’s… That’s never happened before, has it? Has it, Luna?”

“No. Not on this world, at least," Luna explained.

“On this world? Do we… know of others?”

Luna nodded, “Starswirl the Bearded postulated the possibility of an infinite number of alternative universes. He had also tried to devise the means of viewing these other worlds, but sadly he vanished before that work could be finished.”

“So that means… Phasma, were you from this world, or another?”

“Another entirely,” I replied.

“What was your home like?” Cadence asked.

“... In some ways better, in many ways worse. That is all I will say about that. What matters is the time after I was hatched.”

“Hatched? Changelings come from eggs?”

“Yes. I had hatched and was shortly picked up by my mother and taken to be close to her at all times. She would personally tutor me on nearly every subject for the next few months, from magic to history to modern politics.”

“She just scooped up a foal that was less than a week old and put them into school?”

“Nymph, not foal, and not even that. I was a larva, who normally did nothing but wriggle about, hiss, eat, and… regurgitate waste. I was… three days old? Maybe two? I can’t remember. I couldn’t even really walk, having only my front two legs at the time. I also lacked wings and a functioning horn as well. Still, mother dearest expected me to grasp and memorize things such as the Principality of Equestria’s upper royal court. I… It was tough, but I did not disappoint her.”

“This was your foalhood?”

“No, I was still a larva. She kept me on a diet of pure love at the time, to promote quick and healthy growth. Likely, she had experimented on my body prior to hatching to facilitate the quick growth cycle as well. Then, during the Winter Solstice, when I was three months old, I underwent metamorphosis and entered the Nymph stage. That was when I met Nightmare Moon…”

Cadence sat patiently and listened as I literally told her my life’s story. For such a short amount of time, there was a lot that had happened. I skipped what I found beneath the vault and left it as a mystery to be revealed at the end. When I went over the war, Cadence wasn’t sympathetic all too much. When I went over the rebellion, her attitude switched on a dime. I was, after all, going against the invasion and in support of a pony ruler, Nightmare Moon. It was quite the upgrade in her book, as she commented. Explaining what happened afterwards took very little time but did earn me some pity points when I covered the extensive list of injuries I had collected like Pokemon cards. I had left out a lot of details throughout the story in favor of expedience. When it eventually came time to reveal the Ascension Chamber, her reaction was nothing less than expected.

“So what was this grand discovery that forever set you against your own mother, this fate worse than death that you hinted at the first time we spoke?”

“When I had opened the hatch that I had found in the Vault, it led to a dark pit. I entered it alone and found myself in a cold chamber filled with boxes and medical equipment. It was also covered in metal. Metal floors, metal walls, metal ceiling, metal tables, and so on. It was honestly the first time I had seen the stuff outside of the armory. There was exactly one door, on the far side of the room. Opening that yielded a long hallway that ended in one more door.

“It was cold now. Cold and quiet. I could see my breath fogging in the air. The last door opened to a large, circular chamber. In it, I found the remains of four of my brothers and sisters. Thing is, they weren’t dead. ”

“... What?”

“Two brothers. Threesisters. Each in different states of… of massacre. Missing limbs. Missing parts of their skull. One ceased to be halfway back down their barrel. But all of them were lobotomized by Chrysalis. She butchered her own children. She ripped out parts of their mind. And above all of this? There was an empty tube. A spot, reserved for me. Once I had accomplished every goal she set before me, she would have entombed me within my own body. There was never going to be any peace for me. It was always a fight to survive, from the moment I was hatched. I simply didn’t know the stakes.”

Any composure Cadence had was gone.

“Oh my Celestia…”

“They were in there. I know it. They had been stuck in their own bodies for centuries.”

Cadence lifted a hoof, “S–Stop! This is too much!”

“Their minds pulled out like spaghetti–”

“HURGH–”

“AGH! PHASMA! YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE HER VOMIT ON ME!” Luna yelled.

“–So that brings you up to speed with my story.”

“Oh no! You are not playing this off as a joke!”

“Isn’t this just a dream? No one threw up on you for real.”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say.


“Concede!”

“Mmph!”

Luna lifted a hoof off my muzzle but kept both forelegs pinned behind my back. How she was doing this– let alone caught me and suplexed me into the grass– without magic was completely behind me.

“Well? Concede and apologize.”

“I‘m sorry.”

“Speak up!”

“I’m sorry Luna!”

“What are you sorry for?”

“Getting caught?”

She jerked my left foreleg.

“Ow! I’m sorry for not getting you to move beforehoof!”

“Apologize to Cadence for not taking her wellbeing into consideration, too.”

“I’m sorry Cadence. That was rude of me, and I should have stopped talking when you asked me to.”

“Apology accepted,” she murmured. Cadence was hunched over and had stabilized herself by leaning against the hedge.

“Can you let go of me now?”

I felt the weight disappear from my back and my forelegs to slack. Getting back on all fours, I got up off the pristine grass.

“You knew what would happen and you continued anyway. What did you hope to gain?”

“Payback. You told someone else that I was still alive, even before the bet was won!”

“I see why that would upset you. I did not consider how you would view such an action.”

“If word gets out, Chrysalis will be hunting me down at all hours of the day! Damn Daybreaker, she couldn’t hold a candle to what’s in store for me if I get caught by my own kind!”

“But why this? A simple conversation could have set things straight.”

“Because it’s funnier. And to be honest, it wasn’t exactly a planned thing.”

“If you were so worried about changelings hunting you down, one would think that you would be more serious about the situation.”

“You’re talking to the guy who shit-talked a Nightmare just before it tortured me.”

Cadence asked, “... You were tortured?”

“Uh, yeah. I was. It was… Yeah. Shortly after I was attacked by dire wolves, a Nightmare invaded my mind and tortured me. It nearly possessed me like Celestia got possessed– and how Luna was before her rebellion one thousand years ago– but Luna arrived in time to save me.”

If I focused hard enough, I could still feel the–

Luna interrupted the thought with a large sigh as she rolled her eyes and walked up to me to pull me into a hug with her wings.

“If you hope to guilt me into not staying mad at you, you have succeeded.”

“No, that wasn’t my intention. Agh, wait a second!”

Luna chuckled as she rubbed her filth-covered side into my formerly clean chest.

“You son of a–”

“Never let your guard down, fool!”

I pushed away from her and sneered at my own filthy chest.

“We are even now. Remember this incident, should you ever consider pranking me again. You are of no match and are doomed to fail.”

“Oh I’ll remember this alright… But I am sorry Cadence. That was… immature.”

‘I need a hobby, and I need one fast. As fun as getting revenge on Luna is, apparently all I’ve done outside of involving someone who didn’t deserve it is managing to poke a bear. Just how skilled is she at getting revenge? Perhaps I should find Double Diamond soon and get him to teach me how to ski as a quadruped, that sounds like a safer thing to do.’

“I already accepted your apology. It’s just…. I don’t know what to say. I would be surprised if anypony could go through all that and remain the same.”

“Why don’t you just tell me your story?”

“First, I would greatly appreciate it if you would remove this horrid staining on my coat, niece.”

“How do I do that?”

“Imagine it gone. You are the controller of this world, so control it.”

“Err, okay.”

Luna inspected the side that was closest to Cadence and let out a sigh as it suddenly became as clean and pristine as the rest of her.

“... Thank you, Cadence.”

“It’s nothing. I’m sorry I–”

“I know. Begin your story, if you would. This is the first time I shall hear it, too, in case you forgot.”

“Hey, what about me?”

“You may clean Phasma up, too, if you wish.”

Cadence studied me.

“Please?”

With an obnoxious sparkle, my chest suddenly was squeaky clean.

“Thank you.”

“It’s fine. Let’s just never speak of this. Ever. Moving on, my story began with me being found in the woods by my parents. I was just a tiny pegasus filly at the time. My earth pony parents, Midnight Breeze and Blooming Lilac, took me in and raised me as their own.”

I chose not to comment on her father’s name, and instead let her continue. Luna had no intentions of that.

“Midnight Breeze? An unfortunate name.”

“Luna–”

“I know. He embraced the obvious joke and said he was the loudest pony in the village, day and night! It was true, he had a falsetto that could ring off the mountain valley for miles around. Mom said he broke a glass vase when they first met! It’s no surprise that they named me Cadence, considering their passion for singing. Anyways, they showered me with their love for years– which I am always thankful for. Rather than bore you two with my uneventful foalhood up in that wooded mountain valley, I’ll just say that I look back at those years very fondly.”

She gave me a pitiful glance.

“You’re not the first pony who has strayed from Harmony that I have helped guide back. Or want to help, in your case. I know you’re not a pony, before you start that, and that you don’t really care about Harmony, but what matters is that you do want to do good, both by your friends and subjects, and by strangers when possible. Call it whatever you want, I will call it Harmony. But you’re not the first villain I met. That would be Prismia.

“Prismia was a forgotten earth pony who lost sight of her place in the world. She thought that everypony was out to get her, and that she was forgotten by those who cared about her. Like a spare puzzle piece, she didn’t see herself fitting in anywhere. Loneliness and desire for revenge drove her to try to take love by force. Using a magical necklace, she bewitched the entire town, intent on draining them of all positive emotions. I was one of the few who were not in the town at the time and were free from her grip. In fact, I was flying for one of the first times.

“Instead of running away or trying to get help, I went to confront Prismia personally. I talked to her, when nopony else would. When she tried to use her necklace to power her own hatred, it instead amplified the love I felt for the hurt pony. The act of kindness changed her, and she changed her ways. All the love that surrounded us suddenly flew into me and suddenly, I had a horn! I guess Harmony approved of me helping out a pony in need, even when they bit the hand that fed them.”

“Auntie Celestia showed up shortly after. At the time, she was just Princess Celestia. She told me about alicorns, what my future could be, and offered a place here at Canterlot Castle. With my parent’s blessing, I came here and started training under Celestia. Eventually, she adopted me as a niece– nopony could replace my parents– and I attended school in Canterlot. That’s pretty much it. I foalsat as a side gig, which is how I met Shining Armor and his sister Twilight Sparkle. We got together and you can guess the rest.”

“Thank you for sharing, Cadence,” Luna said.

“Yeah, that was– wait a Panar-damn second. Captain Shining Armor is Twilight Sparkle’s brother? That’s how she knew his moves… I mean, thank you for sharing Cadence. That was a radically different story than my own, and it was… pleasant?”

“I’m sorry you went through all of that, Phasma. The world isn’t that cruel, I promise.”

“... I’ll believe that when I see it. Maybe after my species stops fighting for their survival.”

“So when every pony stops fearing that their loved ones have been replaced in the dead of night? Or when they get over their fears that they will be abducted in broad daylight? I’m not belittling your issues– they are obviously substantial, but this goes both ways.”

“So it does. I am hoping to reach some sort of coexistence with ponies in the future, after Chrysalis has been dealt with.”

“That is an admirable goal. I wish you had tried going for that in the first place, but the decision was not yours.”

I stiffened.

“I’m the one who drew up the war plans for invading Equestria. I’m the one who founded the Legions and created their training programs.”

“Your mother ordered the invasion, did she not?”

“I would have done the same.”

“Would you? Are you sure that you wouldn’t have tried to just use more spies to gather love instead?”

I didn’t answer, I was too busy considering that possibility.

“Maybe you would have ordered the invasion. But you didn’t. And now you’re working to fix your past mistakes, and are sincere in your apologies. As sincere as you can be, at least. I understand that as a ruler, your first priority is to those who rely on you for protection. That’s why I agreed to train for fighting in the first place, despite my misgivings about it. You walk in Prismia’s hoofsteps, even if you don’t know it. I have to ask one question, Phasma; do you consider me a friend?”

“... Not really.”

“Can you consider me a friend?”

“... I don’t see why not.”

“Then in my book, you’re not a villain anymore.”

“What? That’s all it takes for you to quote, redeem a villain?”

“Were you hoping that I would want to send you to Tartarus or something? That’s for villains who refuse to be reformed. Luna already brought you back to Harmony.”

“... Alright then. Now what?”

“Would you like to talk and pass the time?”

“Sure?”

“Great! I’m sure you’ve got stories you can share, though I would prefer it if you kept some tact while you do so.”

“Don’t make you hurl, got it. Still sorry for that.”

“You can make it up by making me laugh.”

I slowly lowered myself to the ground. In this summer dream, the heat of the sun warmed the chitin on my back nicely. Crickets were chirping beyond sight, and the cool breeze still occasionally picked up and rustled the branches of the trees and bushes.

“I can do that. Let’s start with a tale I already told Luna. It starts with my closest friends: Coxa, Lacewing, Thorax, Oestridae, myself, and Tarsus. I already talked about Tarsus but this was before Tarsus had betrayed us. Or, maybe it wasn’t, who knows? One day, Coxa and Lacewing had gotten their hooves on this mushroom-derived alcohol…”

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