A story on Starswirl the bearded's life.
Note: Starts in Journal entries but soon returns to normal writing.
Chapters (8)
WinterTwister
Joined 7th Nov, 2011 ·
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in heaths warming eve, it was said that clover the clever was starswirls apprentice. do you plan on using this at all?
74247 yeah I saw that, and maybe.
I like were you're going with this.
The story is awesome. The style is marvellous and the plot is indeed promising. 6/5 and Tracking.
However, "We are glad that you appreciate the moon as much as I." should be "We are glad that you appreciate the moon as much as we do." if you want to keep with the Royal speech.
74274 lol right
ME GUSTA!
gamesprays.com/files/resource_media/preview/me-gusta-4386_preview.png
Is this going where i think it is?
i shall keep an eye on it....
Interesting idea. I'll be keeping an eye on this.
74440 I just don't understand why you insist on reading my writing, honestly just don't rate if you don't like it
I like the concept a lot. This story is off to a great start. I enjoy the use of Diary entry and actually story to move the plot along. I wanna see where this goes. I think it has a lot of potential.
Also LunaUsesCaps like Winter said, why do you read stuff by authors you don't like. You complain about everything else he writes. What made you think this would be any different? Dude, I'm usually the nice, calm and respectable one here and it takes a lot to get under skin, but seriously why bother to go out of your way to read Winter's stuff only to leave discouraging remarks?
Going out of character: This isn't mother fuckin Burger King and you can't have it your way!
My quick question is do you continuously to beat yourself in the head with a hammer, saying that it hurts but stopping?
Peace Out.
Good, good.
Keep it up.
hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing this, I just wish I had a slightly larger audience but I am grateful to write for you guys.
74565
Please refrain from doing that.
One's always entitled to rate or critique your stories. If you made it public, you accepted the fact that some will love it. Some will hate it.
Use the comments to improve.
76692 I do use the comments to improve, but in the manor in which a certain person was doing it, it was more troll natured than constructive criticism, and in that message I meant to put 'Honestly please don't read it if you don't like it' I just derped at that moment when I read his comments
Well I like where this is going.
Awesome update dude, I can't wait for the chapter when Starswirl goes senile just like my grand pa. I love the development of Clover's character and how you gave him some of the personality traits of his decedent: Twilight. I think I'm burnt out on giving comments and compliments for I think I've include a short movie review/recommendation with every comment I leave.
House/Hausu(1977) is a trippy Japanese horror movie about a possessed house in the Japanese country side that eats unwed women. The film is about five school girls taking their spring break is their friend's aunt's home, but little do they know that an evil lurks within the walls of the lavish country home. The movie itself isn't all that scary it's more campy than anything else, but it's fucking weird and oddly enjoyable all at the same time. (Trailer Here)
The best way to some it up is, "what if David Lynch directed an episode of Scooby Doo."
Peace Out.
76696
Then I apologize
It's just that I couldn't see said troll's comment and, here being a place that some people don't take criticism well (I just hope this doesn't become DeviantART)...
I was wrong.
i must ask, what would you have done with the story had i not mentioned clover?
76809 Gone onto the main plot without clover. but this def makes it more interesting thanks for the suggestion
76854 no problem. im happy that i could influence someone's story. its also kinda impressive how fast you incorporated clover
76893 I had an aprentice of some sort in mind, but forgot all about clover from the episode and it allowed me to make the aprentice's character alot better using clover.
76974 oh that makes sense
very nice
79636 Thanks, I'm going to try and get 2 more chapters out today. Writing this fic is alot of fun and I'm giving it more effort in plot than my other fics
It's so amazing I had to read it three times in a row. I think that is enough for a praise.
79816 Really?
Do you honestly like it that much?
79891
You know, your interpretation of Starswirl is the best I've seen yet. I know I will show his character in a different way in my story but nevertheless, this should be considered canon. Moreover, the "journal-narration" style grows on me more and more with each passing day. The relations between a mentor and a pupil are shown not only realistically but also deeply and artisticaly.
So yes, I honestly like it that much
79952
thank you so much,
In all of my works when I look back at them I see them as failures- its fun to write and all but when your actually done the result is different because I can never capture the characters as I think of them.
But this one seems to be one that I'm really glad to be writing and its coming out as I picture it in my mind, I just wish my readers would be more keen to read this story instead, I have alot of views on my other stories and I feel this one is my best but its also the least popular. But I'm happy to be writing this and reading your comments have put me in alot better mood
79970
You are so welcome
A different point of view? I approve
Nice to see Luna's thoughts on the meeting.
80036 I plan more than two P.O.V's prob a max of 3.
but a chance that it stays at two povs
I like the concept, but you might want to work on the flow of the story a little bit. Use of pronouns to be specific.
80820 Like he,hes, her, hers? Those are pronouns right?
Yeah, I've been seeing a lot of name repetition, so it might be a good idea to go through and see if there's a way to smooth out the creases.
80986 Yeah, I thought i pumped out that 1.7k too fast. I'll prob look into it b4 i got to bed, playing League atm.
80986 Also, do you see anymore problems?
80986 Alright, I cleaned it up a little and fixed a few sentences, thanks for the help. I might have to call in my editor from team joker lol
You see, I am always an advocate of your story but if you allow me, I'll express some constructive criticism.
But hey, never give up trying, right?
1) Your story is based on magic and you describe magic superficially - you could go in more detail.
2) There are many dialogues and little descriptions - it is good for a play but a narration should use more author's speech, in my opinion.
3) I'm not the one to judge your writing the pace since you're the author but personally I have come to a conclusion that longer chapters and slower updates are better as you have time to check the mistakes; also, if you're writing a new chapter and still haven't published the previous one, you have an opportunity to change something in the previous chapter so it will fit the next one.
On the whole, after some polishing, the story will be ready to shine on EqD! By the way, sent mine there too, althought I know it won't get posted
i agree wit everything the previous comment says, and as one who has a story on EqD you will be fine with everything as is except the length of each chapter (3000 words minimum each). but seriously, i love it.
also you should check this out: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WMMs8H-GpFIXPsQeC0RNu8V-Cq6uyGl_UERpOUK_6KY/edit
81763 Yeah I read up on that yesterday.
Is the length requirement for each chapter really 3000 words? I've read a few off of their that only had 1-2k per chapter
81814 its not necessary depending on the story and your writing style. i read many fics that never touch that many in a single chapter, yet the story still comes out great
81913 So is it still cool for me to submit?
81960 i would just recomend trying it first, then if it doesn't get in listen to their advice and maybe compile thim into multi chapter segments in a google docs page or something
81960 yeah id say so
81974>>81975 Alright, once my awesome editor finished the edits ill submit it, if they say the chapters are too short Ill push them together good thing they are journal entries, only problem with this is Luna's POV
81983 good luck. and if that is too big of a problem you could add some more entries before the events of the story in lunas bit, giving her thoughts on celestias dealings with starswirl and such.
81988 yeah, I thought about that and I can try. but thanks for your help
81975 
I decided I have no chance at EQD, so I'm just going to continue to write this- I have alot more planned for this. I hope you're enjoying it so far, I'm going to try and get another good chapter out today.