January 6th, Year 1543
While Clover is recuperating I was focusing on my studies on the language of magic and I think I am close to completing the 'alphabet' of its language. The closer I get to deciphering magic, the more it leads to not a different subject - but an add to my aminomorphasis spell. The language can of course still be separated but now I see it as a major improvement to my spell. How aminomorphasis works now is that you can channel your energy inside of you to create an outline of a spell and then focus what directive the spell is to be given. The process if very difficult but using the language of magic I believe the flow of direction can be suppressed to create a more refined and stable spell.. along with a possibility of a creation of an advanced spell. Before spells were created through a longer and more difficult process to which I could never achieve, but using aminomorphasis I find myself now grasping the brinks of magical conduct that can lead to a breakthrough in all magic. Improved spells, revised spells, and newly created spells that would be obtained. Tomorrow I will test how aminomorphasis and the language of magic can combine together to create a torrent of potential knowledge.. just writing out this excites me and I would wish to try it now but an experiment of this caliber requires rest and it is late.
January 6th, Year 1543
By the stars it worked as I had planned, no, more than I could have ever expected of the combination. I was able to use patterns to direct my magic completely in the area I wished it too and even though it took all of my energy I created a revised aminomorphasis spell that has the potential of the previous version ten fold. I sent Philomena to the princess and she was breathless about my newly reformed spell and had tried it herself and now she finds that the sun no longer drains all of her energy to rise and lower and she had the energy to do it twice if she needed. She had given me the title of Canterlot's head researcher and now all new research is to be shown to me for my approval and my aid if needed. Never before have I been this honored and I'm am very happy to be such a great help to Canterlot and my wish had been realized, my fear of being remembered as a janitor spell caster has blown by. In this opportunity I must contribute more to Equestrian society to prove I am worthy of such a title. Today Clover and I celebrated, but I couldn't help but notice his constant spacing out. Even in this joy I find worry for Clover, tomorrow I will press him on his troubles.
January 7th, Year 1543
I visited Clover in his room today and all seemed fine, but I did notice something odd and it lead me to my previous concern.
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Starswirl entered Clover's room and found him sitting on his bed staring down into a book. He did not bother him but watched his student for a moment.
Clover was looking down at a page of one of his favorite books, it was a fiction, and it was rare that he read fiction books but this was a favorite from his early childhood. His eyes were fixed on a single word in the middle of the page. 'monster'. He closed his eyes and started to tremble, remembering his uncontrollable state that had cause him much pain physically and mentally. The event had blurred his thoughts and focus was difficult to obtain, he could remember the pain that tore through his body as if acid was corroding his skin through the heavy amount of aura that surrounded him. He saw through his eyes everything was heavily tinted purple through the arcane energy that enveloped his eyes and saw the destruction that poured out of him. He remembered the dangerous beams and darts of energy that struck the practice dummy and several trees around him and saw that Starswirl was hit by a ricochet of one of his spells. He remembered Starswirl's pained face from the impact of the spell on his foreleg and it was burned inside of his thoughts, he had hurt his teacher who he thought of as his father in a way to which he would gladly follow him relentlessly.
Clover continued to tremble and tried to close his book but the word monster continued to draw his gaze.
Starswirl saw that he was trembling and quickly went to his side. "Clover?"
Clover tried to restrain himself and finaly found the will to close his book. "Yes, teacher?"
Starswirl sat next to his student on his bed and removed his hat and set it down. "What is troubling you?
Clover stared at the cover of his book that was titled 'Demon spawn.' and spoke with a soft voice. "Nothing."
"Do not lie to me Clover... is this about the incident at the training field?"
Clover lightly nodded his head and his hooves lightly shook. "I-I don't know what happened.. it hurt severely and I even hurt you... I don't know what to think of myself."
"Think of it as nothing Clover, magic can never be predicted as it is a strange and wondrous thing and that is why many unicorns such as myself pursue its infinite potential knowledge. What happened to you was a phenomenon that will most likely never be explained and I cannot see it happening again."
Clover flipped over the book to get the title out of his site. "How can you be sure of that when you do not know what it is?"
"Well..." Starswirl lightly stroked his beard. "I think you do have a point , but , if this were to miraculously happen again I will immediately stop it as I did before. I didn't realize its danger fast enough the first time Clover and I'm sorry."
Without any warning Starswirl leaned and squeezed Clover.
Clover didn't know how to react and slowly felt a slow drip of relief inside of him. He slowly brought a hoof over Starswirls wrapped hooves. "Teacher.."
"I will never let anything harm you Clover, you are my student and its my duty to protect and teach you." He let go of Clover and stood up. "I hope your father is as proud of you as I am Clover."
He gave his teacher an awkward smile. "Yes I messaged my mother the other day, she is proud."
"What of your father?"
Clover's smile became flat. "I've never known my father, teacher."
Starswirl tensed up. "Oh... Well.. um.." He felt that he had caused his student to say something he had not wished to.
Clover saw his teacher tense up. "It's fine teacher, I think of it as no big deal."
"Right. Well I hope you relax yourself, you still have a few days off before your studies resume."
"Thank you, teacher." Clover reached over and ignored his prior book and grabbed a book called. 'Art of the To-Do List.'
Starswirl left the room, comfortable that he had helped his student with his worries, but now he himself was worried about Clover's fatherless childhood.
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Clover is now more at ease from the event. But now I find myself unsettled about the thought of Clover living without a father, not only do I wish to be a good teacher to Clover but now I wish to be a better role model for my student. Perhaps I should give up smoking...
January 8th 1543
Clover came to me today while I was organizing the symbols that I created to represent magical language, and he was willing to continue his studies early. I was surprised to see him back to his enthusiastic self and couldn't help but smile. I did not teach him anything today, but instead we went for a pleasant walk through the Canterlot courtyards together. I do not remember a time when I had enjoyed the company of another pony this much, Clover is an interesting, intelligent, and very willing young colt and I am grateful that Celestia saw me as fit to teach Clover. I now feel a very sturdy connection between us and as we walked we ran into my acquaintance Cherr Yale during our walk.
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Starswirl and Clover walked through the courtyard. They both enjoyed cloudy weather and the chilly winds that raced through their manes.
Cherr Yale had appeared next to Starswirl as usual, unannounced and sudden. "Hello again Starswirl, is this the apprentice I've heard so much about?"
Starswirl grinned slightly. "Yes this is my so-...Student, Clover."
Cherr Yale was always an upright stallion and never lingered in the past as Starswirl did and so their arguments in the past were invalid to both of them. So it was another normal day for them.
"Yes, and I see that your aminomorphasis spell had given the princess a better pathway to rising the sun. Very impressive."
"Thank you, I am always glad to help anyone in any way possible."
"I must be off, I still have a class to teach, fare-thee-well Starswirl the bearded." Cherr Yale teased as he sharply turned and trotted off into the university.
The teacher and student both enjoyed the stroll through the beautifully created courtyards. The courtyards had outstanding architecture and the gardening was never flawed.
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I think I should veer away from offensive and defensive spell casting teaching for awhile, I wouldn't want Clover to have any more.. mishaps.
You see, I am always an advocate of your story but if you allow me, I'll express some constructive criticism.
1) Your story is based on magic and you describe magic superficially - you could go in more detail.
2) There are many dialogues and little descriptions - it is good for a play but a narration should use more author's speech, in my opinion.
3) I'm not the one to judge your writing the pace since you're the author but personally I have come to a conclusion that longer chapters and slower updates are better as you have time to check the mistakes; also, if you're writing a new chapter and still haven't published the previous one, you have an opportunity to change something in the previous chapter so it will fit the next one.
On the whole, after some polishing, the story will be ready to shine on EqD! By the way, sent mine there too, althought I know it won't get posted But hey, never give up trying, right?
i agree wit everything the previous comment says, and as one who has a story on EqD you will be fine with everything as is except the length of each chapter (3000 words minimum each). but seriously, i love it.
also you should check this out: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WMMs8H-GpFIXPsQeC0RNu8V-Cq6uyGl_UERpOUK_6KY/edit
81763 Yeah I read up on that yesterday.
Is the length requirement for each chapter really 3000 words? I've read a few off of their that only had 1-2k per chapter
81814 its not necessary depending on the story and your writing style. i read many fics that never touch that many in a single chapter, yet the story still comes out great
81913 So is it still cool for me to submit?
81960 i would just recomend trying it first, then if it doesn't get in listen to their advice and maybe compile thim into multi chapter segments in a google docs page or something
81960 yeah id say so
81974>>81975 Alright, once my awesome editor finished the edits ill submit it, if they say the chapters are too short Ill push them together good thing they are journal entries, only problem with this is Luna's POV
81983 good luck. and if that is too big of a problem you could add some more entries before the events of the story in lunas bit, giving her thoughts on celestias dealings with starswirl and such.
81988 yeah, I thought about that and I can try. but thanks for your help 81975
I decided I have no chance at EQD, so I'm just going to continue to write this- I have alot more planned for this. I hope you're enjoying it so far, I'm going to try and get another good chapter out today.
How much have you improved! Bravo!
However... *sigh* You still do need an editor/proofreader... Some minor issues need to be dealt with, despite their 'unimportance'.
And you know what? I don't know why but I really want to read Art of the To-do list
100524 I do have one but hes gone missing and the NEW one I got is out of sight... so yeah I'm out of luck.. it's hard to find a good editor