A violent storm is heading towards Ponyville, one that the weather teams cannot control or affect. Everypony must now seek shelter. Rainbow Dash is about to do just that when she spots somepony being tossed about in the tumult. Without hesitation, she spurs herself into action to rescue the poor soul. But the rescue attempt will soon devolve into a struggle to avoid a fate worse than death, for the storm carries with it the substance of a terrible legend.
This story was inspired by the legend of the Flying Dutchman, a ghost ship that is doomed to sail forever, never reaching port, as well as other similar legends.
The thumbnail is from the circa 1887 painting "The Flying Dutchman" by Albert Pinkham Ryder.
Chapters (1)
Damn, you really can creep out the readers.
Thank you, that means a lot.
This is great! I love this so much! You are really good at writing. I felt the emotions and I can't describe how good this is with words.
Although I fell out on this part:
When this part came I couldn't really comprehend what was happening because of the way it's written, but other than that this story is a masterpiece.
I give it a:
9.7/10
To clarify, the idea is that the mare was so daring and reckless (even more so than Rainbow) that her hubris had brought the curse upon her. So, when Rainbow embraced her after catching her, she had unknowingly condemned herself to do a sort of body switch with her. Rainbow Dash was now the one blown about in the storm, while the other pegasus was now occupying Rainbow's body, suggested by the change in eye color and cutie mark. Does that help?
10523313
Cool, that explains a lot
A little bit more tell than show I feel and certain phrases were repeated a bit more than necessary, but other than that the underlying premise is totes solid. The poem at the end gave me a real good shiver.
To be fair, I am still honing my writing skills. I've read a lot of fiction, but I haven't really done any actual writing until I started my page. Thanks for the comment, though. I'm glad you liked it.
You should make a series out of this. Like this for example: a sequel showing the aftermath of this and a sequel taking place years later (possibly G5) where a Pegasus "saves" Rainbow Dash and she has to get used to the new world.
All is just an idea, but it would be fun.
I admit, Daybreaker, that's an intriguing thought, but I'm not sure how to go about it. If you have any thoughts, let me know.
BTW, sorry for the late reply. It's been a rough year.