Anamnesis

by Background Bystander

Morning Musing

Author's Note:

Hello again (yes I know it's been a long time) this is a shorter segment that was originally supposed to be in a larger chapter, but I didn't think it fit right. I would still consider it a part of the larger chapter that's to come.

Things were slow, still, and silent, just as they would be at an early time such as this. Those few fleeting hours just before the sun begins her shift for the day, to the world that so desperately needs her to continue thriving, even if she may be unrelenting in her performance. But until then, all that was left was the cool crisp air from the previous night’s whereabouts, the tiny specks of dew left unused atop the grass, a delicate moist blanket awaiting consumption or evaporation. Wisps of clouds could be seen off in the distance, overshadowed by the outline of a town still sound asleep. It would probably be a few more hours until the first wave of residents would arise and begin to mosey about their homes and start a day that held within it so many opportunities.

It could be a good day. A bad day. A strange day. A lovely day. A lovely, lovely day.

The heavily grooved wood was slightly damp underneath the fur, even worse on the underside of the tail. It reminded the feeling of that similar to a wet sock. The front hooves sat unevenly atop the second step, the left one a few inches higher than the right. Warped.

He slowly inhaled, hearing the faint crackle of stuffed tobacco as the orange ember faded in front of his nose, like the faulty lighter he would use to light the damn things. Exhale. The smoke swirled outwards, floating a moment in front of him as it grew in size, before catching a breeze and dancing off into the air. Moving higher and higher to be one with their distant relatives, who were at an altitude too far in hopes of reaching.

But they would try, and try they did. They always did.

He heard a slight groan from the wood as he leaned back and pointed his head upwards, sleepy eyes entrenched deep under a heavy brow. He would count it. Second by second.

One second.

It might’ve lost a little mass, but it was still going strong and carry itself a few feet even higher. The smell of burnt tobacco filled his nose and caused him to blink. As of now, takeoff could be considered successful, with all lights still showing green. All according to plan.

Two seconds.

It would reach even higher now, as the spirals would spin themselves into tighter patterns, clumping together into one larger mass. The end goal appeared to be in sight, getting closer and closer by the second, as he continued to trace their sporadic yet controlled movements. Today, it began to take on the shape of a lopsided jellyfish, translucent and bubbly, adrift in the deep depths of a dark sea.

Everything appeared to be working, as they would continue to soar higher and higher. All gas. No brakes. It was there. They could see it. It was all within an arms...tentacles reach!

Three seconds.

Something’s wrong, something’s amiss. It starts to panic as parts of its body begin to loosen. Unravel. A series of overcorrections and thrashing only accelerated the process, as more of its body would tear into smoky shreds. The clouds remained still. Emotionless.

Four seconds.

The final gasp, the last moments of light before swallowed whole by the darkness that has surrounded them. Most of its body destroyed by self-mutilation and time; the remaining spiral spins away in fading desperation, looking to the clouds for help, its silent pleas echoing out into the open skies.

The clouds remained still.

Five seconds.

The spiral sputters as the death rattle reverberated throughout what was left of its body and dissipating it into invisible nothingness. The detached body parts fly away, becoming long strands of smoke that eventually leave the eyesight.

The clouds remained still.

There is nothing left as he continued to look out onto the darkened sky. Existence snuffed. Individual form evaporated to the larger bodies of the world and lost to time.

The clouds remained still.

Five seconds.

That always seemed to be the average lifespan of these smoke-born apparitions, emerging fresh and delicate from their fiery womb, unprepared and unprotected, then quickly sacrificed to the world at large.

He finally turned his eyes away from the sky at large and gazed back down at his hand. It now had feathers, many of them arching down into a wing. Inbetween its tips was empty, with the overactive smoke having long evaporated from an even more overactive imagination. He frowned and looked back onto the world. Focusing again on those strange outlines of the town.

Ponyville. Where he currently resided. Lived.

It wouldn’t hurt to have one right about now, he thought to himself with a disappointed snort, at least it’d give me something to focus on…something…

He considered these to be the few hours in which he could actually relax, as there was nothing to be done, and nothing had happened yet. He didn’t have to bother anybody else, and nobody bothered him. No crazy shenanigans, no tubes of constant shit filling his eyes with the horrors of the world. However, while he was grateful for the times in which he could shut his brain off and just be…there was always an element to these mornings he was never comfortable with. Yet it came every morning, no matter how hard he tried to prevent it from appearing. Doesn’t seem anyone could prevent it.

He went back to those purple and blue clouds on the edge of the horizon. Eyes squinted, focusing on molding out a shape or two. Maybe three. He wondered, given the hour, if it would be appropriate to knock first.

Hey, um…hello in there, if you are up there…right now.

He shuffled a little on the step, feeling his face warm a little.

I don’t mean to wake you or anything, especially at this early hour, but it’s just…I just wanted to make sure you were, y’know, there. Watching.

The tiniest of smiles appeared.

Sorry, I know it’s silly to ask…you’re always watching, watching the both of us as best you can. Sometimes more than I like, personally, heh, but what can you do? It’s not like we knew life was gonna turn out this way, how quick it was going to be. Even more so with recent affairs. Could’ve sworn it was still yesterday, and I’m just coming home from work. I was gonna give the car a wash, too.

He felt his ears fold as he looked down to his hooves in embarrassment.

I, uh…I forgot to call grandma before I left. Sorry…again. I know you asked, you’ve asked me so many times, but I just…forgot. Don’t know why.

The air was still, as faint chirps and whistles from early birds echoed from within the trees. He sat for a while, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply.

A lot has happened in the past few days, and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down. I moved again, apparently. Seems you were right after all. Congratulations. I don’t know what it is about the place, but California was just a bit too much for my liking. Too much humanity, if you ask me.

He chuckled to himself as he continued to look down at his hooves. He really wished he had his cigarettes.

Maybe they’re still looking for us, finding some way to come and take us out of here. Someone from work had to notice I wasn’t there, I wasn’t too hard to miss, at least I don’t think I was. Lou certainly isn’t one you could, that’s for sure. But perhaps I’m biased on that issue.

Though, if they do ever end up going to the house, which’ll take a while, the only thing they’re gonna find over there is one hel…heck of a mess, I’ll tell you that. Best I could compare it to being a bomb or something. And it just…man, I’ve never seen a series of catastrophes like that, one right after another boom-boom-boom! Failure, on all fronts! Sigh…makes me wish it really was only the drugs that night…you didn’t hear that last part.

No response other than the scratch of his hoof dragging back and forth across the wood. He really, really wished he had his cigarettes.

Not that I helped in the matter, I let my stupid curiosity get the best of me by the end of the night…when I really shouldn’t have, I just ended up making things worse. But…

His ears perked up straight, a bolt of energy flowing through him. His back. His legs. His wings.

It was all just so new, so exciting, in the moment, that is. No…it is exciting! When I first gained control of my wings, it was like I was…someone new. Someone who’d found a new venture in life. Somepony who could do more than they ever thought possible! Oh, the flying, the speed, the thrill of it all!

He bumped the top of his head on something and opened his eyes, now realizing he was hovering above the steps just below the overhead, seeing a dry imprint beneath him. He shrugged and swiftly made his way to the roof…then even higher to a group of low-hanging clouds positioned around the house. He laughed to himself as he bounced around them like a trampoline.

It’s like when I first got behind the wheel…when I first hit the road and saw the world around me. I feel truly like myself. I feel free!

It was at that moment, he stopped bouncing as his body stabilized itself on a cloud.

Oh my, I never thought I’d say it like that. But now that I have, it feels…good. It feels really good.

He sighed contently as his legs collapsed underneath him and laid down flat on the cloud, as cool as a flipped pillow as he nuzzled deeply into its fluff.

But I know…I know it won’t last. It can’t last. I know that we have to get out of here as soon as possible. This isn’t my home, neither is it for Lou. We…don’t belong. Not with these locals, at least. Sheesh, I don’t know what it is about them, but they just make me uncomfortable after a while.

…

Although, there is one girl…mare? Whatever, that seems to be pretty nice, though her appearance is a little out there. Eh, it’s not my problem, and I’m sure it’s just genetics, you’ll understand, I know. She’s been really helpful to me in getting a hoof on everything. Very helpful. I have a feeling she’d get a kick out of all the sh…stuff that’s built to go fast over there. I’d like to see her race one those fancy-schmancy fighter jets we keep wasting billions on. That’d be hilarious. All that money, all that careful planning designing everything to the last screw to be as aerodynamic as possible, the fastest thing out there. Years’ worth of work from these big-brained engineers, only to get shown up by a rainbow freak of nature! Ha! The looks on their faces! …Until they snatch her for experiments…oh.

…

But what if they didn’t? I mean, would it be that big of a deal compared to everything else going on in the world? Would it really hurt anypony if one…maybe two ponies decided to show up? I’ll keep to myself, and she seems competent enough to do the same…maybe. I promise not to fly too close to any airports or government airspace, so I don’t rustle any feathers. Shoot, would I need to get a pilot's license for all this? For using my own limbs attached to my body? C’mon, that’s just ridiculous! That’d be like telling somepony they needed to have expressed legal permission to use their own legs to walk around! Absolutely ridiculous! What court do I go to, to fight this crap?

He stopped himself again, now hearing the low whisper of the wind tickle his ears, and stared back towards the horizon.

The clouds remained still.

I’m rambling again, sorry, I know, it happens every time…

He hid a sniffle behind a bit of the cloud; as he blinked away some sweat caught in his eyes. Why would he be sweating now?

I’m just a little lost, is all. Everything around me seems to be getting so complicated, yet…it all looks so familiar. Like I’ve seen it all before. All these nerves were creeping up on me, and I needed to see someone who could help. You’ve helped me before, more times than I can count. So now all I ask is if you could help me one more time.

…

You left so many years ago now, and I still don’t know what for. Nobody seems to know from those who were willing to talk. Not like he was gonna give me any answers, he never answered any call of mine beforehand, let alone a question such as that. I would’ve talked to Sarah about something like this, but…she’s not answering anyone anytime soon, not even from you. When she up and disappeared like that. Perhaps she caught up with you at some point. Not that it matters…no, it don’t matter anymore. It don’t matter.

He grumbled as he rubbed his eyes, getting his legs underneath him and standing up straight.

The clouds remained still.

Although, if I were to have one gripe and one gripe alone, it’d definitely be this god-awful quiet that keeps following me around. Never been a fan of that. The quiet. The silence.

The wind picked up, causing his cloud to rock like a steady ship out a sea. There was no light to grace him in this moment, as the whole world grinded to a standstill. And in this darkest hour he stood tallest, and flourished his wings to their fullest length.

Just give me one thing that I can hold on to. Even if everything else fails, and whatever plans we have going forwards fall to pieces, all I need is one thing to keep me grounded. That’s all I ask, just one thing.

The clouds finally moved.

Beginning to part, to crack, as a sliver of light arose from the corner of the earth long in the distance. That warm orange, so full of pulp and life, that it eroded whatever despair was holding on to bring about the wonders of the waking world. He sat there and watched. Waiting. Anticipating for something to show itself. Perched right on the very edge of his own cloud with giddy excitement. And as the clouds gave way even more, they split near the exact middle, revealing to him…

More sky. With more clouds.

He titled his head slightly and sighed.

Hmph, ah well, it'll take some time to figure out. It is quite a tall order, isn’t it?

He looked at his arm for an invisible watch, as his body was finally beginning to wake itself up, preparing for whatever routines that lied in wait on the brighter horizon.

I suppose that’s our cue, I gotta go and get my morning out of the way. As always.

He stretched himself out like a dog, backside raised to the sky as he let out a loud yawn.

I’ll let you get on with your day, I won’t bother you no more. Heck, go back to sleep if you want to, I know it’s so early when we talk. Not everypony’s thrilled about mornings…but it helps, it really does. Same time next week?

The sun rose even higher now, shining upon those parted clouds and creating an orange lining. Maybe it was just in the mood, but he could’ve sworn it molded itself into one giant heart. He smiled, and wiped his cheek.

Yeah, that’ll work. Ok, I’m gonna go now, see you soon.

…

“I love you, mom.”

Comments

[WriterBright]

A lovely piece of character building, one that tugs on the heartstrings. I'm quite enjoying the story so far, and I look forward to the next chapter hinted at in the AN. As always, great work.

[nomu s117]

Cool I hope this continues take your time