Some friends indulge in some strange sweets, leading to some strange scenarios, happening in some strange scenes that are slowly becoming less strange, somehow.
The human condition comes with the symptoms of struggles, tragedy, and hatred; with a few rays of hope shining down, only to illuminate the true darkness that lurks among us all. Even with these existential nightmares, we must push on, accepting that this is indeed reality, the true world we experience every single day.
Right?
At least, that's what two friends keep telling themselves, as they're plunged deeper and deeper into a pony induced psychosis.
-Cover art by the idiot writing it -Hoping to update regularly -Tags added as story continues
He could never forget the night she told him she wasn’t real.
One of those nights when the moon was exceptionally envious. Positioning itself properly in the vast vacuum of space to capture as much sunlight as possible from its celestial counterpart. Accompanied by stars of all calibers. The majority of those singular specks many would pass by in their night watching. Falling over themselves as they threw full attention to the constructs of constellations, packaged together with ancient mythological importance they knew nothing about. Perhaps humans were really nothing more than compact piles of cosmic dust as the passing tripper would attempt to describe to him in-between the sporadic dancing fits, seeing as we treat each other the same as these insignificant illuminations all across the universe.
This cold shoulder was replicated by Mother Nature. Couldn’t really blame her, they treated her like a bitch too. Which was rather beneficial, as the cold air seemed to work in tandem with the cheap acid she’d snagged from a crusty curly-haired curator camping out the back on an old B200, with a psychedelic mural to timestamp the very moment he determined his life peaked. Just young enough to give Tricky Dick the slip, but just old enough to ride out the dying waves of the hippie heyday. Before it would recede hairlines and drag them in the rip current to drown in the corporate ocean. It was a silent massacre of an entire culture. A genocide, if you will.
And man, genocide ain’t groovy.
The only positive he could see was the removal of any accusations of appropriation. Wearing an old pair of corduroy pants caped over worn-out canvas shoes, scribbled over with tiny notes she’d kept step by step throughout the years. She’d kept her womanly features warm with a large crochet sweater of prismatic patterns, suppressed by an even larger Sherpa jacket she’d bought at one of those outside thrift markets, the price slashed with every missing button and ripped thread. Her hair done up in a cutesy cliched manner, a beach blonde mess with clashing currents of curls and wavy strands.
And those sunglasses. The reflected mirror world that kept him still with terrified trembles, that maybe what she told him was untrue. A hypothesis from heightened senses stimulates by the grandiose guitars and stinging sitar of the music. It could make your heart race unbelievably quick, thoughts irrational with such an extreme emotional reaction. But no, she was right. She wasn’t real. As much as the rest of the world tried to convince. She made that absolutely clear.
And still, she smiled all the same. The smile he’d come to love and hate in similar thoughts, as it would carve itself into his skull and cause his muscles to reciprocate regardless of his emotional state.
She was right. She wasn’t real, too good to be true. A lie that laid out on the grass, propped up on a Persian blanket to protect itself from the piercing blades of grass from the field they’d found themselves in. It was something he would have to come to terms with sooner than he anticipated. Everyone had to at some point. To stand where he stood. In their own field, staring up at their own night stars and deciding whether to accept those notions or blink. It was a terrifying thought, attempting to admit that life's positive aspects were just as if not less significant than those that cause pain and suffering. All those old sayings about deeds and their doomed consequences running through your head. Certainly wasn’t something he wanted to face, so it decided to confront him instead. Remnants of a previous life, one full of passion and desire for the now and coming. All laid bare that night in the field.
He went back to that field one day. It’d been paved over into a parking lot.
It came to a sudden stop at the light of the intersection, cascading tides from the small lakes formed from the day’s previous showers. Recovering from the slight jolt, he unbraced himself and leaned back into his seat, shuffling on the sandy suede as he puffed on his cigarette. Tracing the stray tears of rain as they slithered along the edges of a giant phoenix plastered across the hood. Making its fiery presence known across the muted gold backdrop of a ’78 Trans Am. A gaudy machine of a bygone era when the American dream was defined by its bark far more than its bite when it’d come to the beasts of the roads. The kind of machines the could wake an entire neighborhood with a single rev of the engine under the shiny hood.
It didn’t need power, nor reasonably powerful for that matter. None of that mattered when you were busy soaking up every second of those 15 minutes of fame. Their destinations were seclusions in stuffy garages or wrapped twice around a lamp post for cars like that.
He slumped at the thought, exhaling a bitter cloud as he petted the steering wheel like an old dog, “Not that you gotta go worrying like that. I’ll keep you going, same as the ones before me.” He gave the dashboard a light pat.
The car gave him an idle purr.
“That’s my girl.”
A strange comeback, the rhythmic thumps of someone rapping on the passenger window. He turned to see another girl, one of a human presence, all hunched over as she peered into the cabin giving him a slow yet enthusiastic wave. He’d almost subconsciously waved back if he hadn’t noticed the smudges shining in the sunlight. Her mouth began to move, trying to use another form of communication, which was also unsuccessful as she consistently desynced with the lyrics booming from the radio. Dual conversations down separate paths. He choked the music and churned the crank as the window slowly crunched into the doorframe.
“Well…hey there, mister,” Her voice scratchy and sedated. He gave her a slight nod. “I’m really digging the wingspan you’re rocking out here, could see it coming from a mile away. Rolling all the way down to me.”
His eyes studied her for a moment as the cigarette hung limply from his lips. “If you’re looking for a handout or a ride around town, afraid you’re outta luck either way.”
“Hmm-well, lucky for us, I’m in no mood for scalping or searching from passersby,” She adjusted her bandana, a dirty yellow floral wrapped around her red dried out dreads, “Made my way up here with a small group of ours, a commune so to speak.” He raised an eyebrow as if to say and? “Looking to get a message of ours out there, to those who really need to lend an ear.” She thumbed over to a small militia on the street corner, arming themselves with signs and flags of varying capacities. Their messages definitely violated some open carry laws for this beachy side of California. Though in all fairness, that wasn’t exactly a difficult feat to pull off.
“Is that right?” He turned back to her and smiled. “Look girl, I hate to be a bummer for you and your buddies here, but we left Vietnam ‘bout a half-century ago. As an aggressor, at least. Believe we even set up a few Mickey D’s as monuments to our many sacrifices.”
“Sacrifices still being forced all across the nation…the world. Poor people spilling their guts to grease the machines trying to control us all. It’s such a terrible thing…”
He adjusted the collar of the chameleon wrapped around him, often phasing between a buffalo plaid flannel or a dark washed denim. Likely the second, as her eyes managed to stay focused on him rather than bouncing around the checkered cotton. “I hear you, but I take it that’s not why you’re here?”
Her eyes slowly blinked, the light briefly flashing a vivid violet, “What? Oh, no-no-no, we aren’t here for anything that extreme, dude. We’re just spreading some much-needed knowledge on the preservation of animals near-extinct, about those that are barely clinging on. Ones we’ve near thrown into the grave ourselves.” She leaned to the side over the window frame, the fringes of her pink sundress draping over the door, “You wanna talk about a real bring down bummer, pal. That’s about as bum as they come.”
Bringing the ailments of natural jungles to those of concrete, he thought with another puff of nicotine, nonpartisan in nature. It was a noble endeavor. He knew that surely. To stand up for those who lacked the mental capacity to comprehend how bad a hand they were dealt while the house worked with the commanding species to screw them every way till Sunday was something to strive for in these times. Certainly helps you sleep at night. But from the seat he was settled in, to the boots strapped on his feet, his word would’ve meant next to nothing beside them.
Also didn’t help they tasted pretty good. Grilled or fried. Pink of perfection.
The collection of cars accumulating in his rearview caught his attention, “Gotta say, that’s awfully considerate of you to be thinking that way, but I best be going now. Peace and love and all that.” He flashed her a sign as he reached for the wheel.
“Hey!” An outburst causing them both to jump. “Would you mind pulling off into this empty space here?” She motioned to a parking spot just off the right turn, “Perhaps we could continue this little discussion from greedy little eyeballs…just me and you…”
There it was. “Last time I checked, we’re not supposed to be led anywhere by strangers, much less talk to them.” He answered in a joking manner.
“We’re all strangers to some degree, mister. Even to our own parents at one point,” She patted her hands on the frame, sticking her head in the cabin. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t get to know each other a little better.”
He relaxed his shoulders, slowly tapping the wheel with an index finger, “How many times you used that as bait today?”
Her eyes rolled playfully and smiled.
“Hmph, well…” He took one final drag and buried it in the console ashtray, “Looks like you finally got a snag.”
“Righteous!” She did a twirl on the spot with an exaggerated point to the parking space. Many features of her face shone with excitement and anticipation as the phoenix glided its way around the curb, the low guttural growl grumbling along to nest itself amongst the asphalt, cigarette buds, and other trash you’d come across when scraping the sidewalk.
He watched as she made her way over, playing hopscotch in the puddles pooled around, her bare feet splashing like a child as she bounced up to the driver's side. The cars behind him were now making their way through the intersection, many drivers shooting him looks. Some angry. Some curious. But all continued to drive along as if nothing ever happened.
She waited for him to crank once more, slow and steady, “Geez, these guys seriously need to take some chill pills, y’know what I’m saying?” She waved to those who continued to honk at them.
“Unfortunately, I don’t think they combat congestion,” He glanced back. Her companions remained dormant, conversing amongst themselves. Every head accounted for, “Alright then, so what’s your deal here-“
“Nicole.”
“Hmm?”
“Name’s Nicole.” Repeating with a softer tone.
His brow furrowed with a forced scratch of his beard. “…Ambrose.”
“Ambrose…” She allowed it to roll around on her tongue, getting a feel for its texture and the alien aftertaste. “I can dig it.”
That’s a relief. He couldn’t remember the last time someone was unnerved by the gravelly vibrations of his vocal cords. That paranoia usually came about with realizing his skyscraper spine, and 7% body fat spread out accordingly. Seeming to expand and contract depending on the emotional themes of the conversation. But for now, the cartilage in his joints remained calm and compressed. “Well then…Nicole,” A sly smile. “You have my curiosity.”
“Radical! If I got that, then this’ll surely get your attention.” She quickly began rummaging through her satchel. A handmade crossbody stitched in spiraling eccentric patterns. He took note of the centerpiece, a trunk with a red heart treetop. “I’ve…we’ve been cooking up something real special for a while, Ambrose. Just you wait, gonna blow your mind ma-a-a-an…”
“I eagerly await my aneurysm.”
She popped up, her hand shooting up like an arcade claw, “A-ha! Here we are!” She grabbed his hand and slapped an object into his palm, cool and metallic to the touch. He looked down onto a small tin with a bright, colorful graphic.
“Damn, that’s kinda harsh. You could’ve just said something about my breath, I don’t bite.” She said nothing, mouth open and staring with eyes empty in confusion. He held the tin up to her face and rattled. “Get it…uh…it says mints.”
Her eyes remained unmoved, yet her lips began to curl, “Oh…” She gave a slow, unfocused laugh, lifting an index finger, “You…I like you. And I think you’re gonna like these.” She tapped the mints and leaned closer to his face. “Many people do…passed around from person to person. Even got a fancy little name for them, the Elements as we’ve been told. Got all the makings there in those…captivating little capsules. They’ll getcha feeling right in no time, after some time baking is all. They really come into their own with a little help…companions with cakes, partners with pastries, buddies with brownies-whatever, man! They’re all friends.”
He looked her straight in the eye, another moment of silence after her spiel. “You call that a sales pitch?”
“I call that a promise.”
He looked back once more, the group hadn’t moved, yet one head was now turned in their direction. “Well, to tell you the truth, it wasn’t all too convincing.” She responded with a cartoonish sad expression, pretending to wipe a tear. “However, I got someone back home who…well, would feel right at home with this kinda stuff.” He chuckled, patting the tin between his hands. Made him think about lighting another cigarette.
“Really now, your girl? Your o-o-old lady?”
“Nah, just a friend. Been living with him for a while now, roommate kinda thing.” She nodded. “Heh, he’s the one you should be talking to right now. This is right up his alley…more like an occasional stroll for me.”
“Helping out someone without even meeting them? Groovy!”
“Yeah, you should definitely be talking to him.” He tossed the tin in the passenger seat, fumbling around his pants pockets. “But I suppose I’ll play the messenger today. How much?”
“What?”
“How much?”
“How much?”
“Yeah, how much?”
“How much for what?”
“Umm, how much for these…Elements as you called them?”
Her face twisted up from some unknown stench. Perhaps the stinging smell of worry as she eyed the distressed leather in his hand. Seemed like she wasn’t prepared for that question. Maybe she’d never been asked it before, forever surrounding herself by dedicated dope smokers and paisley pushers. Not often you can straighten out to see an outsider wanting to get involved. Much less in late 70's muscle all painted one color. He wanted to tell her he wasn’t law enforcement, a narc as he’d heard before, but that might bring about new waves of fears not yet conceived. Cut him is he stands, shoot him if he’d run.
He sighed. “Here, let me set the price.” He unfolded two bills, showing the lumpy portraits of Lincoln. “Take a ten, ain’t gonna hurt if I’m a few bucks shorter and you’re suddenly ten dollars richer, sound good?”
She took them in her hands carefully, flipping them over and over. A softening gaze on her eyes as they darted around the corners of the bills. Finally, she nodded once more and cleared her throat. “Ok…that sounds good to me. Thank you very much.”
“Don’t mention it. I’m sure capital is frowned upon in your inner circles anyways.” He waved her off the car. “We should probably be parting ways now. We both got people waiting on us, but…” He looked down to the steering wheel, eyeing the curvature of the interior he’d seen so many times over. The streaks of chrome aglint on the dashboard sparkled brighter than usual. “Thank you for taking an interest in the car, really. It means a lot to me. And it means even more to a lot more people. You’ve made them far happier than you can possibly imagine, Nicole.”
She caressed his arm once, sliding up his limb and placing one hand over another as she pulled him closer, “No, thank you, Ambrose. For it’s you who’s going to make somepony very happy.” He felt her drop another object into his hand, balling it into a fist and gripping it tightly. “Very happy.” And with that, she hopped back from the car with a large smile. “But you’re right. We should probably be groovin’ along now. Happy trails, Ambrose, blessings!” She gave him a large wave and quickly scurried back to her posse, who were all looking at him at this point.
He gave them a PR style smile and wave. One mirrored the motion with a dispassionate hand before they all shuffled around the corner, leaving no trace of their presence. Laying still as it always had. He finally relaxed, slumping back in his seat as he ran a quick hand through his hair. Exhaling loudly as he adjusting the seatbelt, which felt like a makeshift noose at this point. He looked down and opened his palm. Blossoming onto a small capsule as she called it, resembling a pink butterfly.
“Hmm…” he grabbed the tin and opened it, soon blasted in the face by a brief light show, as a rainbow aura shot out intensity mixed with the sunshine. He dropped the butterfly in and slammed it shut, throwing it back into the passenger seat. He whipped his head around once more around the street. Her group was gone. Cars were stopped again at the intersection as the other lanes were making their way through at differing speeds. Some people passed through the crosswalks, others waiting impatiently for their light to run through its 30-second cycle. Relatively quiet. Calm. He looked at himself in the rearview, combing down crazy hairs in his beard. The deep blue of his eyes was still visible, with a slight glint of gold from the sun, and his pupils were still of a proper dilation. He sighed with relief. “Yeah…alright then.”
He shifted the car into drive and whipped it around, tires squealing wildly as he sped through the intersection, cutting through the turn and ripping down the straightaway.
Slumped over the toilet, he gazed into the stew of past regrets. Brown chunks of short-sightedness blended together with the slime of his digestive system's disagreements bubbling away the chemical-filled lake within the bowl. The aroma of disgust sucked into his nostrils with a fierce, fiery sensation within the slimy soot. A few more dry wretches had confirmed his stomach was cleared of any hangers-on, only leaving him with shakes as spit slowly dribbled from his mouth. Labored breathing. Blinking from blurred vision as he adjusted to the bathroom’s buzzy light. Another addition to the things he’d need to fix down the line, take a number.
Like molasses, he got his knees underneath him and slowly stood using the sink as support. His bare feet freezing on the tiled terra firma. He smacked his hand on the level, each attempt sounding off an echoed thump and a disappointed grumble until he finally managed to pull it entirely. Flushing unworthy subjects down the everyman’s throne. Cupped water thrown into his face, the chilling currents running down his chin and onto his chest. The only thing close to a shower that day.
Turning locks could be heard through the askew door, followed by heavy boots on the carpet, walking in a familiar step pattern.
“Lou?”
He swiveled his neck, sounding multiple snaps of his spine.
“Lou Lou?”
“Bathroom…” Attempting to respond, gargling as he spat leftovers into the sink. “…Who is it?”
“Ambrose.”
“Which one?”
“The one who just got paid.” The voice replied, carried by steps as it slid along the walls, entangling itself amongst the wallpapers' florals.
“Ah…” he nodded as his glazed eyes rolled around to the mirror, spotting the stains on his teeth and cheeks. Quickly sucking spitting water until his saliva ran clear, vigorously rubbing his face with a towel. “Nice, I’m a real big fan of that one. He treats me much better than the others.”
“Yeah, me too.” Ambrose’s voice continued into the kitchen. “Usually, he’s easier on my brain, but today…” There was a pause, as he could hear him fidgeting with something. “…today he went and got me all curious.”
Oh boy. Curious. Wasn’t usual for Ambrose to be what is known as curious, as it often revolved around the subject of Louis and his long list of shortcomings. What was it this time, a plate out of place? Trash tossed into the corner? Or maybe the emotion had gotten ahold of him for no reason whatsoever, some entity gnawing away as his reasonably portioned sanity. Sucking on his brainstem, cracking into the cranium. That unholy slurping. Ugh, it was enough to make him sick. Luckily, his own brain was safe from manipulation as he had just flushed down the toilet moments prior.
He shambled out of the bathroom, causing goosebumps to bubble all across his flesh, frigid to the brisk AC blowing through the house as it extinguished the sweltering heat outside, just as it’d done all week. Reaching the kitchen with a huff, he found Ambrose searching under the sink. Many grunts and sighs as the bottles of cleaning soap and window washers placed along the floor. “May I ask as to what has piqued your interest, Amby?”
Ambrose looked up from the floor and making eye contact...widening slightly as it trailed down the multiple ink splotches etched into his skin and stopping at the patterns pasted across the V of his waistline. “How about explaining why you walked out here naked?”
He looked down. “…What are you talking about? I’ve got a towel on…” Ambrose’s brow darkened as his hands went still, bringing about a nervous laugh. “Heh…uh, it-its laundry day, man. Yeah-laundry day and the birthday suit was the only thing left clean-“
“You still not feeling well?”
A slight cough. “No, I’m in the middle of a breakthrough discovery on porcelain, studying its habits. Lays dormant, slow reactions, yet a serious craving for bullshit.”
Ambrose stifled a laugh. “Huh, must be a long lost relative then, considering what I have to put up with you.” He found what he needed, a stainless steel flashlight, and stood up.
He cranked his neck upward, “Fuck you, man.”
Ambrose continued to hide his amusement, “Not looking like that, you aren’t.” He reached into his shirt pocket and took out another cigarette, putting one in his mouth. “You gotta pretty yourself up first before you even step to the plate, let alone take your victory lap, Babe.”
“Excuse me?”
“Y’know…like Babe Ruth?”
He smiled. “…That was terrible.”
“Tsk, tough crowd,” Ambrose muttered. Out of his pants pocket came a small metal tin. “While you’re getting dressed, do me a favor and look at these, will you? I gotta go…check something on the car. Think I hit a bump on the way here.”
He took them from his hand, rattling it skeptically. “Why? Aren’t these just mints?”
“Not exactly, I don’t think.”
He did a double-take. “The fuck? Where’d you get them?”
“Some hippy dippy chick, the tree hugger type. I’m sure you’re familiar.” He was. Much more than he liked to be these days. “Though this time around, they’re animal huggers, I suppose. Going someplace for something to talk to somebody about endangered species…somewhere.”
“That’s a lotta some’s.”
Ambrose nodded and made his way to the door. “And our little encounter was summed up with that little parting gift. Originally I was gonna throw them out, looked like glorified Tic Tacs to me. But I figured someone would want to give a second opinion before I commit something as cruel and heartless as that.”
“Gasp, who could that be?” Louis snickered, turning the tin over in his hands. “Sure, I’ll take a look. Just. For. You.” He pointed a flirty finger at his friend, who shook his head with a smile.
“One more thing…she tried to be all secretive about this exchange best she could. A little heads up. Just. For. You.” He mocked as he walked out the door, punctuating his proposition with its slam.
Louis pulled his hair out of a tie, splashing the dirty blonde waves all around his shoulders. The sheet of cotton had morphed itself around his legs in a dark denim form. He leaned back into a creaky chair and placed the tin onto the table. “Well now, let’s see why you’ve got Amby all spun up today…better be something good.” He blinked, eyelids licking at his lingering interest, popping open the lid and peering inside.
What he discovered on the inside was…interesting, to put it lightly. Rather than finding a pit of polar white peppermint, instead laid 6 colorful capsules all cut into various shapes: a blue balloon, orange apple, red lightning bolt, purple diamond, pink butterfly, and a magenta star, that one being slightly larger than the rest. Their coloring was so vibrant, that mixed with the metallic interior, it lit up his room light a light show. A rainbow aurora cascading across the walls and ceiling. Not only that, but the contents gave off a strong smell that stung his nose, a scent he never would’ve expected.
Cupcakes?
As he squinted from the onslaught of the colors, his only answer to their unusual arrival was a well-spoken “Huh.” The objects were working their way inside his brain, entrenching themselves deep within the folds of his mind. Nerves attempting to make connections where there were none. But something about their appearance was surprising…familiar. Those shapes, he could’ve sworn he had seen them before, some sequence of events that created the colorful kaleidoscope he’d just been witness to. It had been from somewhere; the weather, a movie, some vivid hallucination from a frantic fever dream, there had to be something! Maybe even from a certain place. Yet even as they continued to dance around in his head, his brain turned up a whole lot of nothing, leaving him slightly annoyed. It was there, for some reason he just couldn’t put his hoof on it.
Wait.
Louis shook his head, snapping back his senses, "What was that?” he asked no one, “Must’ve short-circuited for a sec there, this smell ain't helping much.” The fumes were overpowering, completely filling his head with irritating icing, so he quickly closed them away. With the click from the lid, so came another from his brain. He’d finally figured them out, awarding him a mischievous smile.
"Well?"
Short-lived bliss, bursting into near convulsion as the figment of Ambrose had faded into existence before him, now in a much calmer state of being. “I-um…uh…” Flailing of the voice, cords not contracting correctly. He scratched his head to find a sense of rhythm. “These definitely aren’t gummy vitamins, I’ll tell you that, man.”
“What are they then?”
“My best guess…they’re candies dressed up in a little lace. What did this girl you meet say?”
Ambrose’s face muscles moved in thought, most likely replaying the events in his head. They didn’t appear to be all that traumatizing. “Said it was something her group had cooked up not too long ago. Seemed to be quite proud of it, even giving them this fancy buildup. Calling them the Elements…” He said with an exaggerated expansive hand gesture.
“That’s it? She didn’t mention anything like oooh y’know…dosage…how much to take…how to take them?”
“Ah-that last part. Yeah, she did.”
Of course, skip all the significant bits. Avoid liability wherever you can. Every scrap you can scrape away. Especially if anyone unfortunate got word of the situation. What? I don’t know anything of any drug deal going down! All I remember was this tall, muscular man in a flashy car coming over to shake me down! I was petrified! A moment of weakness!
…Hmph, may be weak, but certainly not stupid.
“From what I could piece together, and believe me, it was quite the jigsaw, that you gotta prepare them through baking. Like a brownie or whatever.”
“Hey, I think we got a spare bag of baking mix laying around the pantry somewhere. We could use that!” Both men were quite surprised by the enthusiasm of his response. Almost like a reflex-like response.
“You say that like you wanna cook them…tonight.”
He shrugged. “Why not? Not the first rodeo wrestling with a myster-r-r-ious concoction ooo…” He wiggled his fingers in a childish frightening manner. “C’mon now, it wouldn’t to lighten up a bit, don’t be such a pussy. I mean, you met her, man, she seem semi-trustworthy to you?”
“She looked like she didn’t know what planet she was on.”
“Close enough.”
“Louis.” His voice grew stern. “Mind over matter isn’t gonna cut it here. You should wait for your body to catch up.”
“Aww, nice to know you care, Amby.” He placed his hands over his heart, rocking in the chair in a mushy trance. “But it’s nothing serious, probably just ate something bad. Should be better by the time I’m done prepping all this, you got nothing to worry about.”
“The only thing I’m worried about is you puking the rest of your guts out on the carpet…or the tiles…or me.”
“Ah-ah, if I puke the rest of my guts out, there’ll be no guts left for them to fuck with. The perfect plan!”
Ambrose threw his hands up. “Fuck it, do what you want. Just don’t come crying to me when this whole thing comes crumbling down around you. Not one whine.” Pace by pace, he went into the living room and collapsing on the couch. Pulling up a remote and turning on the TV, his feet finding their way onto the coffee table.
A nature channel. Using the pixels of the screen to plunge the viewer into a lush forest. Possibly one under the rain classification, no concrete here. He could never figure it out, and this was about his seventh attempt this week. Must’ve been for some competition for the network, a Hail Mary to save their skins and snag some ratings. “What’s this channel’s fascination with this forest? I keep seeing it over and over.”
“Who knows, maybe it’s a sign.” He joked, baking sheet in one hand and measuring cup in the other, assembling his work station across the counter. “Keep looking. Maybe you’ll find some kinda deeper meaning with it all—the tales of the trees, each leaf a limerick. You get down to the nitty-gritty of all that while I work my magic back here. Then we might get the true reason as to why it keeps coming back to you.”
“What else does that eight-ball of a brain tell you?”
“You’ll be groveling at my feet from the sheer amazement of my creations?”
Sometime later, the two found themselves on the couch once more, each holding the Element-infused pastries. Their magical mystery tour was about to be underway, and here were the glistening tickets, cooked to perfection with the same rainbow aura. Louis had made sure of that, about as well as anyone could when working with scraps and a random recipe online. As for their taste, that was a subject becoming more enticing by the second as the smell was starting to suffocate Louis, “Alright-y then, we ready?” He asked, seeing Ambrose make the same observation if his scrunched-up nose was anything to go by, “Ready when you are, boss.”
“Sick, you want me to count, or would you like to do the honors?” Louis asked.
“You’re the one who made these. I think you should do it.” Ambrose replied.
“But you're the one who made this possible in the first place, I say you count.”
“No, you can, it’s not a big deal.”
“Oh please, I insist.”
“Really, you do it man.”
“No, you.”
“You do it!”
“You!”
“You!”
“Ok! How about we both do it?” Louis exclaimed, nearly in tears from the stinging smell.
“Sure, works for me,” Ambrose said quickly, holding the brownie up to his face.
One…Two…Three!
Both threw their heads back as they quickly scarfed down the brownies, leaving only a few crumbs as a reminder to their short existence. The results were something they’d never experienced, a full-frontal assault on the entire being. Underfunded defenses lay bare to their overwhelming onslaught. All the duo could do now is sit and let it flow over them.
Their bodies felt ready for a harvest, every sense plump and ripe for the picking. The drugs remained faithful to the strength of their respiratory teases; all the different flavors swirled together into tingling tendrils, roots of explosive energy inching their way deeper into the nervous system, zapping them down to their fingers and toes. It stitched through the spinal column, navigating the notches with surgical precision, causing it to twitch and turn with delight. The mind was a goner, its final rule overthrown as the drug clambered through every crack it could find. Despite the frantic nature, the ongoing effects were compassionate in their invasion, caressing the soft tissue of the organ, quelling fears harbored in the dark corners of their minds. Colors became crisper, and the sounds echoed on the eardrums, everything focusing down into an overstimulated tunnel. The world paused in pleasure, time becoming squished as every sensation merged into one.
And, for a brief, blissful moment, there was harmony.
As soon as it came, it left. Rainbow shockwaves left in its wake. Their bodies floated back down to reality, landing softly on the couch.
“That. Was. Awesome.” Louis said, body limp before jolting in an instant, “I mean, wow! I’ve never felt anything like that in my entire life!” He hugged himself, rocking back and forth ecstatically, “It feels like a whole party is going on in my body!” He laid back, a big goofy grin plastered on his face, “How was it for you?”
He turned to see Ambrose sprawled out on his side, eyes wide and unfocused. His mouth slightly ajar.
“Magical…” He muttered.
“Hmm? Couldn’t hear you, what’d you say?” Louis leaned closer to him. Ambrose blinked, focus returning, “Huh? Oh uh…” he shook his head clear, “…yeah it was pretty good. Looks like that girl knew what she was doing after all.”
“I’ll say, if that was just the appetizer, I can’t wait to see what’s next.” He got up, grabbing his record player and a handful of ol’ reliables, “Let’s hope she stays in town, got a feeling me and her will be meeting very soon.”
“You look like you’d be a regular customer.” Ambrose chuckled, watching Louis fiddle with the player.
“Alright Amby, now that our tickets have been punched,” He set a vinyl in place, the needle hanging above its designated position, “It’s time to kick back, relax, and enjoy the ride!” And with that, he dropped the needle, allowing the elements to take them away on a trip they’ll never forget.
Perhaps they should’ve filled up on gas first, as a couple of hours had past and they’d gone absolutely nowhere. Sitting on the couch, watching the records spin. Nothing.
“Ambrose?” Louis turned to him once more.
“Yeah?” He responded with a dejected look in his eye.
“You uhh…feeling anything yet?”
Ambrose looked him up and down, then to his own body, “No.”
Louis sighed as he hung his head, his face hidden by his hair. He scowled as pangs of depression, disappointment, and disdain went through his head, all of those fantastic highs had long since passed.
Now, all he was left with was the crushing truth: they’d been taken for fools, and they played right into her game.
No way she just gave Ambrose those things for free, she must’ve stolen something when he was distracted; maybe marked his car for potential pilfering in the future, perhaps come to the house when they were both out and clean it out for giggles. It all seemed too good, too convenient, to be true that these would work.
“Lou?”
“Huh?! What?” He shot up, face now visible to his curious companion.
“Do you think…maybe we’ve built up a tolerance to this junk, and that’s why we can’t feel anything?”
He would’ve laughed at the thought if their situation wasn’t so dismal, “No, I don’t think that’s the case. I think…we just got conned, that’s all.”
Ambrose looked away in shame will a quiet “fuck,” passing between his lips.
Louis’s teeth ground, churning away at the storm brewing within at seeing Ambrose in his current condition, Fuck you, Nicole. You best pray I don’t find you because when I do, it’s gonna be hell to pay, you bitch! He exhaled angrily, and now I gotta say something on your behalf. Apologizing is a good place to start.
“Ambrose, I’m really…I’m…I- “
Suddenly, his stomach began to violently twist and turn, with an accompanying sensation clogging his esophagus.
“What?” Ambrose said with a concerned, but mostly confused look on his face.
“I uh…I-homph!”
Louis put a hand to his mouth, his skin turning a sickly green as the queasiness continued to rise. He shot up from the couch and sped towards the bathroom, the sound of laughter could be heard from behind, “Ha! Knew you should’ve waited, have fun in there!”
He was pleasantly relieved that Ambrose could get some enjoyment out of the night, even if it was at his own expense.
Louis couldn’t hold it in much longer; he practically collapsed in front of the toilet as he emptied his stomach with incredible force. What followed was a couple of minutes, but it felt like an eternity, of the most violent vomiting he ever had to endure; almost as if everything he had ever eaten, drank or ingested had returned to his digestive system, only to now be rejected in the sludge spewing from his mouth. The spray became a stream, and the stream became a waterfall, bits of brownie blasting into the bowl. He wouldn’t be surprised if he started spitting up vital organs, imagining his intestines coming out of his mouth like a magician’s coil.
Then, the overwhelming sensation has ceased. Louis knelt, gasping for breath as he tried to regain composure. His whole body was still on the fritz, shaking and stuttering when he finally got to his feet. “O-o-oh fuck…not again…” He groaned, looking down at the chunky shrapnel from his explosive ejection, traces of the Elements could be seen lining the small, disgusting pond.
So much for harmony, he thought to himself, must’ve been whatever those things were made of, or the mix I used was out of date. Whatever, that will be resolved later. For now, he was going to clean up and deal with Ambrose. Wouldn't be surprised if things went sideways for him as well. He sauntered over to the sink to wash his face, splashing the water a few times before toweling off, checking the mirror for any pieces still left dangling.
Shit, missed a spot. A small chunk on his right cheek.
He wet the towel and rubbed the spot with a little more force, hoping now it would get the message it’d overstayed its welcome. Except, it wouldn’t go away. He might’ve said it had gotten bigger.
“Get off, will ya?” Louis rubbed the spot vigorously. One again it remained, much bigger than before. “Oh what the fuck, it just rubbing it in now!” He exclaimed, his annoyance rapidly building. He put his hand up to wipe it off until he felt something that stopped him in his tracks.
Fur.
His brain stopped working for a moment, as his finger unconsciously stroked the patch. The tip went deep to the roots, feeling its soft, smooth texture. “What the…what is this?” He asked his reflection; its eyes widening a bit with concern. Then, his whole face began to itch, as if the very skin was causing a rash to his skull. “Gah, what is wrong with me?” As he began to scratch the other cheek.
He was answered with his skin peeling off on his fingers, revealing more of the cream fur as before. His pupils went wide as he looked down into the sink. Instead of seeing water droplets and soap suds, chunks of skin beginning to pile.
“Jesus!” Louis screamed, jumping back from the sink, “W-what’s going on here? My f-face is-“ His panic was cut short as his situation finally struck him. Those Elements weren’t duds. It appears that they had quite the delayed fuse on them; all that sitting on the couch moping had allowed those little fuckers to dissolve and make their way through his system, however much of them was still in his body. No doubt about it: he was tripping. Bad.
“O-o-ok, so it’s not really real, that’s good. It's finally going into effect, everything’s gonna be fine. Besides, this isn’t your first experience that’s started sour.” Louis chuckled, rubbing his cheeks. It was almost like petting a fluffy dog or something, except all he was doing was smushing his face like an idiot. He wondered what Ambrose would think if he walked in on him at the moment.
Suddenly, that itchy feeling came over him again, and hard. Keeping a calm composure was almost impossible, as the irritation started to overwhelm his body. His hands, almost subconsciously, began to move their way upwards, desperate to relieve him of this terrible feeling. He fought it down; the last thing he needed was to start scratching up his face like a fleshy cat post. Not that it was getting any easier, he began to sweat as he continued to resist the urges, his body contorting and spasming as the fiery feeling continued to surge. The pressure was deafening, his skull on the verge of shattering as he closed his eyes, his hands had a white-knuckle grip on the sink. “It’s not really…there.” He whispered, hoping his body would be calmed by these sweet little nothings slowly seeping into his ears.
Instead, it acted like kerosene, igniting the rest of his body with the burning sensations as it crawled its way down his skin. He was being cooked to a crisp, his hair attempting to be a makeshift cooling towel, damp and dripping. Even the fur on his face became wet with bolts of sweat running from his forehead.
He tried as hard as he could to fight, yet the mental exhaustion was becoming too much to bear. He had to give in. He opened his eyes to find his hands had already moved themselves back to his face, feeling the grimy fingers gripping at his cheekbones.
As he stared into the reflection’s panicked gaze, only one thought crossed his mind.
The pressure exploded within him as he found his body violently tearing at itself, doing whatever it could to escape the fire erupting inside. He could only sit back and watch as his fingers became knives, vigorously flaying at his face. Flakes of skin flying all across the bathroom, that same cream fur taking their place. Even this couldn’t come close to relieving his burning body’s anguish, the heat only increasing its intensity. “Put it out! Put it out!” Louis cried out to his adrenaline-fueled appendages, with bits of skin now dangling from his face by thin, fleshy strings.
They responded to his calls by clawing away even harder at his facial features. He watched in silent horror as his hands went on to grab fistfuls of flesh, ripping it apart like clay. The sides of his face were now completely covered in the cream fur as he felt his left hand crunch down on his nose. After a few hard yanks, he heard a muffled crack as it was ripped from the center of his face, spraying the mirror with chunks of flesh and mucus; blood slowly streaking to the bottom of the frame. My ears, I can hardly hear anything! He thought to himself, trying to keep a grip on his sanity as best he could. Staying in his head seemed to be his best bet, because thinking about what’s happening outside made him want to scream till his lungs shriveled.
His hands remembered that earlier thought of not hearing correctly, as they quickly shot up to grab his ears. Shit, no! He couldn’t watch, clamping his eyes shut to the horror on display. His temples were crushed by the vice grip his hands had, followed by an incredibly loud sshrripp! The amateurishly amputated organs were ripped from the sides of his skull, followed by the feeling of objects…unfurling. Pointing upwards.
His fear briefly turned to confusion, still feeling his shaking hands holding the useless flaps of skin, warm liquids lacing between his fingers. He returned his gaze back to the outside world, going from black to an intangible sludge. His vision became super blurry, to the point where he could only make out the light source coming from the ceiling, as everything else was a greyish mush of dulled colors. It didn’t take a genius to figure out where this ship was sailing. “N-no, don’t…” He croaked, finally getting to breathe after millennia of witnessing the previous traumatizing events. Too late.
His saw his vision begin to blackout again, as the moist surface twitched under his trembling thumbs.
Then they dug in, pressing hard into his cavities as his psychotic phalanges began to gouge his near useless eyeballs. Their squelchy sounds penetrated the orifices on his head. Mushy matter moving over his thumbs, splattering into his mouth and running down his arms. The urge to puke again came quickly, yet only dry heaves came as a result. He tried to scream, cry out for help, yet his vocal chords produced nothing. This is it! He panicked, I’ve gone completely insane, I might’ve actually blinded myself! That’s it, that’s fucking it! You're going clean after this, you hear me? Once you calm down, you’re going to get help for this and go straight right away! I mean for fuck's sake, look at this shi-
Perhaps he shouldn’t have said look, as he felt his free fingers grip the rest of the loose skin on his brow, prepped to tear it clean off his face. Guess this is it, goodbye eyesight, he thought, bracing for impact.
He felt the final rip, strips of flesh disconnecting and the debris being drained from the sockets. Louis felt these sockets squint, as they attempted to adjust to…light? Light! He could still see light! Soon, his vision managed to get his environment into focus, the bathroom space reappearing around him.
His brain was working overtime to make this whole experience as miserable, and horrific, as possible. The off white walls were completely covered in viscera, blood snaking down to make small rivers running through the tiles' cracks. The sink was overflowing with reddish-orange chunks of what was his face. Grey matter laying atop the mounds, bits of green iris staring back in confusion. He looked up to the red mirror before him, unable to get a clear reflection as to his current state. Would he want to know, though? Why not? He'd already gone this far. He gained control of an arm and wiped a streak across the mirror, feeling the lukewarm fluids slide across his fingers. What awaited him behind the bloody curtain made him freeze.
From his brow down to his upper jaw were the features of a small, cartoonish creature: Gigantic eyes gleaming with hazel irises, a slightly square jutting snout where his nose and upper lip were once located. He could even see the blurry, rounded protrusion in the middle of his field of view. Through his stringy, sweaty hair sprouted two ears, standing high and alert. All these new features were covered with the cream fur, except with a brown streak running up the muzzle center, with a few more spots dotted around his face.
Louis was perplexed, to which the warped reflection aided in giving a face. All that intensity for this? Seemed awfully out of place compared to everything else surrounding him. Maybe his brain was finally starting to calm down, and this was its strange coping mechanism under the influence of those Elements. What the hell is this is this supposed to be anyway?
He traced his hands around his cheeks, fingers careful not to get sucked into the black holes that were his pupils. The fur was soft and warm, like a stuffed animal. He brought them forward to run them over the snout, slowly making a mental sketch of his new form. His tickled his nose, causing an agitated snort to sound off, making him jump.
“I-I’m guessing this is supposed to be a hors-auck!” He choked, as he soon lost control of his arms once more as they clamped down on his lower jaw. He longed for those brief moments of deafness and blindness, as he witnessed the figure jerk the mandible loose. The sound of teeth clacking on the tiles could be heard, as blood slightly pooled inside his mouth. A deafening crack signaled the fragments departure from its once secure spot on his skull, showering the bathroom with more crimson rain. His dismembered tongue hit the ground with a meaty thwack, jumping sporadically as nerves went haywire. The giant gaping hole was quickly closed off by a lower jaw to match the other equine features.
Louis barely had time to process his new jawline, as the top of his head was set ablaze. Streams of sweat and blood poured from the strands, now stringy from the heat. Though his entire scalp was searing, there was a strong concentration at the top of his forehead. “Please be over...please,” he groaned.
Hands gripped his hair to begin scalping himself. At first, they tried to rip his head in half to very little success, only seeing a few loose clumps fall in front of him. Alright then, plan B: pull it off like a bad weave. It would take a bit more force than his face trying to get it all in one motion, but he had stopped caring…or thinking at this point. After a few hard tugs, he heard a ripping sound, hairs pulling loose. Finally, he felt his hands pull back as the last bits of his human complexion slid off his head, and what took its place was even more hair. A large mass obscured his view as the new helmet was unsheathed, digging into his nostrils. He quickly parted the curtain to clear his vision, who knows what would happen if he were to sneeze.
The initial impact of seeing the new face lost some punch earlier, so getting a second look at the now complete complexion could sink in easier. Now that his human face was…removed, in its place was now a complete caricature of a cartoon horse. Along with the established bits, his hair, once a shoulder-length mess, now replaced with waves that rolled down to the floor. It was now much brighter, almost as if it were bleached. Now matching the fur stuck to his face, with a few streaks of brown connecting to the dots.
The hair sat behind some odd object shooting out of his forehead, spiraling up to a point. Louis reached up to see if tactile hallucinations also applied to this strange appendage. He tapped the tip, causing an unusual shock through his nervous system. “A…horn?” He pondered, “This thing’s supposed to be a unicorn then?” He tested the vision's capabilities with a facial exercise; he lifted an eyebrow, it lifted an eyebrow. He closed an eye, it closed an eye. He even managed to swivel one of the ears slightly, cringing slightly as he felt it wiggle. The whole resembled something out of a little girl’s overactive imagination. A toy that was used to spread joy and happiness to children, only at the expense of others halfway across the world slaving away in sweatshops.
A drop of blood streaking down broke him out of his trance. The room was still covered in fleshy bits, with blood spattering the walls and floor. He gave his reflection a displeased look, “I'm really supposed to believe this is the end result?” He worked his jaw back and forth, eyeing the massive molars, “Honestly, it’s creepier than the blood.”
Upon finishing this thought, that burning feeling came over his body once more. “Oh no! I’m not tearing at my body this time! I got a better idea.” He threw off his sweaty, blood-soaked clothes and pulled back the shower curtain. He meant to just step in, but this new head of hair had other plans. He tripped on the hairy mass and ended up falling into the shower.
He winced from the pain as he quickly grabbed hold of a valve. Upon turning it, he heard multiple cracks as three of his fingers broke off, falling into his lap. He stared wide-eyed at the gushing stumps, “Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me-“ Panicked thoughts were cut short by the hailstorm coming from the shower head. ColdcoldcoldcoldcoldcoldcoldHOLYSHITTHATSCOLD!
His whole body was shaking. Shaking loose.
He watched as his hands split and cracked, falling off bit by bit to reveal the stubby stumps of hooves underneath. His chest became extremely heavy, watching as the mass melted off his body, disconnecting from his body and smacking the floor with a loud thwack. Then came the shoulders, arms, abdomen; all giving way to his new furry innards. He fell onto his back, legs trembling and spasming. He watched as a pair of hind legs cracked through their meaty shell, flicking off his calves and feet as if they were a pair of shoes.
He managed to get the new legs underneath, lifting up and propping himself on the wall. Water ran down his back, shivering the spine and shaking more body parts loose; each one giving an audible thud. A small trail continued to trek down his body, eventually making its way down to hair near his rear. He cranked his neck, finding a long tail hanging between his legs. “Oh yeah, that felt gooood...” He moaned, finally feeling like he could breathe again now that his human parts weren’t draped over the horse’s stature.
Whether it was the cold shower, or his body finally done changing, his entire being began to calm down. The fires inside his body began to fizzle out, shakes starting to cease as he returned to a semi-normal state. He took in a deep breath, allowing the water to wash over him. “Ok…ok, I think I’m good now.” Now, he could get a good look at this new body forced upon him, thanks to the trip. Heh, for a sec there he almost forgot why all of this was happening.
It was about what he’d expected at this point: he now had the full body of a horse, from hooves to hindquarters. That now too familiar cream coated his body, with brown spots on his sides and chest in a swirling pattern. Underneath all that fluff, he noticed that he was slightly more muscular than his meek human body, flexing his pecs and legs. “Hmm, kinda odd,” Louis said, “I don’t do any heavy lifting, and I sure as hell ain’t pulling any plows.”
He was significantly smaller than he had anticipated, even smaller than what he was in reality, which was already tiny at a measly 5' 3''. These new limbs seemed to resemble lumpy, furred tubes rather than the bony makeup of their regular horse counterparts. Perhaps that’s a good thing; normal horses wouldn’t fit into this cramped shower, and they definitely didn’t have eyes that big. Or a horn.
However, there was one thing that seemed stranger than everything else he had endured: a marking of sorts on his backside. He would’ve passed it off as just another discolored spot, but it had more detail.
Something you wouldn't find on any other coat. An image.
He couldn’t make it out entirely, as the water created a translucent tarp over most of his body. Yeah, should probably turn that off now, before the gore clogs the pipes. He went to turn the knob off, reminded of one crucial detail: hooves can’t grip. “I still have hands, brain.” He looked down at the dismembered pieces, then to his hooves, “Fine, have it your way.”
He placed the knob between his front hooves and cranked both his arms, slowly but surely stopping the polar precipitation. “Ok…are we done?” He huffed.
Stillness came as a response.
“Alright, we’re done.”
He crawled out of the shower, hearing his steps make a distinctive clop sound on the tiles. He sat down and took one more look around the room, now a serial killer daydream of fresh flesh, “Oh man, this is insane! I’m a petite little horse…a fucking unicorn!”
He was about to leave, before realizing he was now completely soaking wet. He looked around the room for a second, "Damn, no towels." He then looked down to his discarded clothing, "Guess this'll do." While he tried his best, trying to hold them in his hands was a lot harder than it looked, considering it looked like he didn't have hands to hold them with. But sure enough, he eventually went from soaked to slightly damp; even managing to get most of the blood off, though the shirt could suck up so much blood, so he shrugged and tossed it to the side.
Heh, what would Amby think of this?
Any sliver of positivity came to a screeching halt. Shit! Ambrose was still in the living room!
"Hang tight, I'm coming!" Louis called out to his frightened friend. He catapulted himself into the air, only to come crashing down on his face, "Damn it, four legs...horses use four legs."
Then I'll crawl.
He'd left the door open, so he slowly slid himself down the hall, leaving a trail of blood from the earlier events. What should've been a 5 second walk ended up being a 30 second slog, crawling across the cold floor. “This…is harder…than I thought,” he wheezed. It must’ve been all that wet fur adding extra weight to his endeavor, as he finally managed to round the corner to the living room.
He couldn’t clearly make out was happening from the floor, but a being was thrashing about on the couch. The pillows were all over the floor, and the coffee table had been knocked over. The record player had finished its last song, now playing the soothing sounds of pops and cracks. To contrast that, the TV had been tuned to a nature channel of some sort; Images of a misty forest were visible on screen, the only normal thing seen in a long time. His ears swiveled between the two competing noises. Ugh, I’ll never get used to that.
He neared the couch, “I'm here, I'm here! Everything's gonna be alright,” he sputtered, trying to catch his breath.
“Where are you? This shit just kicked in really quick!” Ambrose continued to panic, worrying now that he was only imagining the sound of Louis’s voice.
“I’m down here…on the floor, hang on.” Louis’s voice said. Ambrose could hear something shuffling around near the edge of the couch, grunting and muttering to itself. As he went to look over he saw a limb, a blood covered limb, grip the armrest. He leapt back in fear, heart now speeding a million miles per hour. A second one followed suite, flexing as they pulled the figure onto the couch.
Before him was a creature, small in size yet held a sinister presence all the same. It had stubby hooves, trampled in blood and guts that soaked into the upholstery. Its hair had been overgrown, obscuring the unknown that was its face. In fact, the only thing visible from the head was a giant spike shooting out of the top. Red spiraled from the tip, a sign it had most likely skewed something…or someone. The only noise it made was the ragged breath filling his ears.
All in all, Ambrose handled this very well.
“STAY AWAY FROM ME!” He screamed, scooting all the way to the other side of the couch. Sweat poured from his face as he started gasping for breath.
Then, the creature spoke, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chill Ambrose, it’s me!” It said in Louis's voice, lumbering its way onto the couch. Too little, too late. Ambrose’s brain had already switched to fight or flight, and he chose the latter.
“N-N-No! You’re not Louis, you’re s-s-some monster! YOU KILLED HIM, AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA KILL ME!” He fell off the couch, crashing to the ground running. Crawling, actually, he couldn’t get any footing on the carpet for some reason, so instead he scrambled to the door.
C’mon, stand up! Even with these hooves it shouldn’t be that hard! Get up and get out!
Louis couldn't believe what he was seeing. In front of him was a big, burly bronco running in fear of his small figure. Ok, need to calm him down before he hauls off and breaks something…mainly me.
First he needed to actually get up. Crawling like some kinda zombie made him look even scarier. He had to get down on what he assumed were his hands and feet, though now the best way he could describe was like two pairs of legs. Everything felt slightly off, like he had a new center of gravity thanks to the hooves. He got his limbs under him and slowly pushed himself off the floor, feeling a little wobbly in the process.
Before he knew it, he was standing up on his hooves in a surprising comfortable position. Almost as if it were a natural position.
Whatever, not important, on to the next task: walking.
One step from the back half, then take another step from the front on the same side, right? Louis’s expansive knowledge of equine anatomy began and ended at nothing, so this might take a bit of trial and error.
He worked one hoof in front of the other, pausing each time to shift his weight as he shambled towards the horse.
“Ambrose, please calm down before you hurt yourself. I’m Louis, no matter what you’re seeing right now, I am in fact standing in front of you.”
The creature took a couple more steps towards him, as Louis’s voice continued to fill the air. Ambrose’s heart began to slow down a bit, yet he was still scared out of his mind.
“We’re currently at the house, the living room to be exact. It’s around nine o’ clock at night. It’s raining heavily outside, as it has been all day.”
The shaking in his body started to fade, as the figure lurched closer and closer. “Y-Y-You…I-I…” He tried to speak, but he was still unable to craft a coherent sentence.
“We wanted to do something because all the problems going on right now, so we took those drugs a girl named Nicole gave you. And now, we’re under the effects of those said drugs.”
The figure stopped in front of him, hair still covering a majority of its head. Only now could Ambrose tell there wasn't thousands of rows of teeth or an endless black abyss to fall into, just a face. His breath steadied as he leaned in for a better look. He wanted to say something, to make sure it wasn’t waiting till the last moment, dropping the façade and close in for the kill. The only thing that came out of his mouth was, “Uuuuuuuh…”
“Don't worry man, we all go through bad trips at some point, nothing to feel ashamed of. But you’re my friend, and friends help each other when they’re in need. So regardless of whatever else we experience tonight,” It flicked the hair from its face in a very familiar fashion, “I promise I’ll be right by your side. No. Matter. What.” It finished the monologue with a warm smile.
Ambrose stared at the…horse, that currently was the stand in for his friend. He was still waiting for something to go awry; the room to catch on fire, the face splitting to reveal the demon lurking underneath, maybe his own body would begin to rot, who knows?
But it never happened. The room remained idle, and the horse still stood in front of him.
I guess it’s actually him, he thought to himself. One more test, just to be sure. With a chuckle, he finally spoke, “Y’know Lou, when I said you had a horn hairdo…I didn’t mean for you to take it literally.”
The horse’s muzzle scrunched up, before finally bursting into laughter. It was laughing so hard, it couldn’t keep its balance and ended up falling over. This caused Ambrose to start laughing as well, the two of them a complete mess on the floor. About a minute passed before they were able to collect themselves.
“I can't believe you, Amby!” Louis said, sitting up on his butt, “One moment you're scared shitless, and the next you’re cracking jokes! Dealing with you is like a constant state of whiplash.”
“If I give you whiplash, then you tear my goddamn head off.” Ambrose retorted. Saying this caused Louis to wince a little, “I touch a nerve there?”
“Well...” Louis shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, you good?”
“Yeah, I’m good. We’re all…good…” He trailed off, something definitely wasn’t good. His voice, to be exact. The gruff, gravelly tone had been tuned to a higher pitch like he had something stuck in his throat. It was still deeper than Louis’s, but it definitely wasn’t his.
“Uhh Louis, you noticed anything weird with my-“
“Voice?” Louis cut him off, “Yeah, I noticed. Thought you were doing that on purpose.”
“Why would I be doing this on purpose? This sounds like my worst attempt at a woman, Lou.” Ambrose coughed as he attempted to stand up. He had his back to Louis, allowing him to get a clear view of his backside.
Louis’s ears flattened as a blush grew across his face, “Umm...I think that’s because you are a woman...”
“What?!” Ambrose turned to him, a confused, terrified look upon his face. This gave Louis an opportunity, tracing the lines of his snout and eyes, comparing them to his own. Definitely a feminine figure, and yet he’s still built like a fucking tank! What the hell, brain? This internal argument gave Ambrose enough time to roll on his back and look between his legs.
Louis could see his pupils slowly shrinking, “Hey, hey, hey! It's ok! It just looks like you got lady bits. Like I just said, none of this is actually real, remember?”
“Right...you're right,” Ambrose muttered, color drained from his face, “But just…wow. It’s all just kinda hanging out there, isn’t it?”
“Yeah...” Louis said sheepishly, before something clicked, “Wait a minute, you’re seeing all of this too?”
“It’s attached to me, Lou. Of course I'm gonna see it.” Ambrose gave his nether regions a quick scratch.
“No! I don’t mean it like that, and don’t fucking rub it! I’m talking about all of THIS!” He flailed his hooves at his frame, a few specks of blood flying off.
“You mean you being a unicorn?”
“Yes me being a unicorn!” Louis exclaimed, “With long hair and spots, right?”
“Yeah, didn't you hear my hair joke earlier?” Ambrose asked, finally standing up in an awkward stance, "What do you see?"
Louis paused for a moment, “Light gold fur, darker gold hair, quite longer than how you usual style it.” He snickered before continuing, “Man, you got those luscious locks AND get to keep the hulking frame, lucky you.”
“It only cost me my manhood, yay…” Ambrose replied dryly.
“A small price to pay, wouldn’t you say?”
The only response Louis got was a glare from a pair of golden eyes, so he quickly darted towards another part of the body.
“And for some reason, you got free ass tattoos as well.”
Ambrose decided to look for himself, twisting his neck for a better view. “That the decal from the Trans Am!” The quality was razor-sharp, almost as if someone had clipped right off the hood itself and plastered it onto his behind. With this revelation, everything else about the visuals became clear, “I’m practically the horse version of the car, now that's just silly.”
Louis perked up, That’s what that spot was in the shower! Let’s see here.
He wondered what unique symbols was splattered across his behind. Something that only came from deep within, sucked straight from his soul and seared on his skin. As he looked to his rear, his gaze was graced by the image of-
“A brownie?”
That was it. A little fudge brownie, much like the ones they’d eaten earlier. Is this supposed to be some kinda sick joke? After all the troubles they’ve caused me, now they taunt me on my own body!
He grumbled as Ambrose laughed, “Aww, is the little pony not happy with his marks?”
“I kinda expected something flashier,” Louis said, “But that's taking a back seat to the horse thing as a whole.”
“Agreed,” Ambrose shifted slightly, “Good enough evidence for me, we're both imaging the same stuff. With that in mind, can I ask you another favor?"
“Shoot.”
“I got this weird pressure on my back, like something’s stuck. Think you can get it?”
Louis trotted next to Ambrose, “Well for starters, you still have your shirt on.” Ambrose looked down to examine the clothing, “Right, let’s get rid of that.”
Louis smiled, “Here, sit up straight and lift your arms.”
Ambrose sat on his haunches, raising his arms to the sky. He felt as two hooves went under his shirt, slowly making their way up his body. “O-ho-ho! Watch where you put those hooves, mister.” He giggled, feeling the fur tickle his skin.
“Seriously?” Louis raised an eyebrow as he raised the shirt over the strange bulges on Ambrose’s back, “I'll remember that one if you ever call me fruity again.”
The shirt was caught on whatever these things were. Louis bit down on the shirt, tasting salt on his new tongue as he added more force to the pulls, “C’mon man, work with me you piece of shit,” He managed to get on his hind legs, the shirt now pinched tightly between his hooves. "One...more...pull!"
He fell backwards as the pesky intrusions were finally revealed to the outside world. He blew the hair out of his face to gawk at what was revealed. Ambrose couldn't say the same, as his face was still covered.
"Hey, the pressure's gone! What was it?" Ambrose muffled, head encased in his shirt.
"You're gonna want to see for yourself." Louis responded, still wide eyed in amazement.
Ambrose heard a slight rip as the shirt came of his now larger head. "Much better," He threw it to the side. Now, let's see her-holy shit!
A pair of large, golden wings had placed themselves upon his back. "No way, I'm a pegasus!" He grinned ear to ear, looking over each shoulder to glimpse at his new appendages. They were tight to his torso, feeling the feathers slightly rubbing against his fur. Dull tingles of his nervous system were zapping through every inch of his feathery extensions. Even though this was all fake, it was hard not to be at least a little excited.
A smirk appeared on his face, “I have an idea.”
Louis could follow the breadcrumbs of thought baking in Ambrose’s head. They were still in the house, and those wings were probably his arms or something. Trying some stupid stunt would likely result with a hole in the wall and more money out of their pocket. Yet there was Ambrose; eyes closed tight, breathing in his nose and out his mouth. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to concentrate on getting these wings to move,” Ambrose replied, closing his eyes tighter as he went into deep thought.
“You look like you’re about to shit yourself,” Louis quipped, only to notice one of the wings begin to flutter slightly.
Ambrose felt something click in his brain, the right signals to the right joints. Joints that didn’t really exist beforehand, as the wings began to slowly unfurl themselves. “There, got it!” He exclaimed with a large smile. He felt a pumping pulse make its way through the wings, as he soon claimed complete control.
And open!
A loud fwoosh sound came from behind him, as two blurry objects entered his periphery. Both wings had fully extended to their massive wingspan. Air snaking through every single one of the feathers, bringing about a pleasurable sensation all across his body.
He had nothing else to say, only turning to Louis with a gigantic grin.
“Way to go Amby!” Louis clapped his hooves together, each collision giving off an audible clop, “Atta girl!”
Ambrose rolled his eyes, still smiling, “Pretty cool, pretty cool. But I'm interested in what you have to offer.”
“What?”
Ambrose motioned towards his forehead, “The horn, Lou. I wanna see you use the horn.”
“I don't know how," Louis said, hanging his head, "I don’t even think I can.”
Ambrose sat for a moment, before saying, “Then just do that, think,” he found a remote scattered amongst the mess, sliding it over to him, “Think about picking that up and changing the channel. That outta make it work easily.”
“How would you know if it’s easy? You didn’t even get one, and you sure as shit don’t have one in reality.”
“Well,” Ambrose slowly opened a wing, before closing it again, “Maybe it’s like when your arm's asleep. Just give it a shake and it'll come to you, mind the pins and needles.”
“A sleepy limb…growing out of my brain.” Louis eyed the remote, “Sigh well, I suppose it's worth a shot.”
He peered down to his plastic enemy, buttons worn and colors faded, yet it would still be able to put up a fight all the same. You still have arms...hands, Louis told himself, Imagine your arm reaching to pick it up.
He looked to Ambrose, "I'm gonna steal that breathing technique of yours," Before closing his eyes and delving into deep concentration.
"Remember, in the nose and out the mouth." Ambrose joked.
"Thank you, now shush."
It was here that Louis found himself stumped, how exactly does one go about using a part of your body that doesn't even exist? The wings kind of made sense, as that could be chalked up to Ambrose flapping his arms up and down like a lunatic; an unfocused, unhinged look upon his face if he were to be seen by the outside world.
Louis shook his head, refocusing to the mission at hand...or perhaps hoof now. Picking up the remote without picking up the remote.
...Let's go with that earlier plan. Louis exhaled, out of his mouth of course, and began to concentrate harder. With eyes closed, he began to morph a mental image of his long lost limb. From his shoulder all the way down to his fingertips; every hair, mole, and blemish all melding together into one large mass. Soon enough, his right arm was fully formed, flexing its fingers with satisfaction.
While he could feel the arm, flesh and blood that was there before, he could also feel all 4 of his horse limbs remain dormant on the ground. The arm was suspended in the air, afloat in the midst of his mind.
This just keeps getting weirder by the second, Louis's mind chirped, to which he had to agree. The arm came down to the carpet underneath him, running back and forth across the shaggy soil. "Where'd you say the remote was agai-ouch!" Louis yelped, answering his own question.
"There?" Ambrose replied, slightly confused. As if I wasn't already seeing things, now objects are starting to move on their own.
The fingers twisted themselves around their target, grabbing hold near the center. The action was accompanied with a strange sensation swirling around his head; he could feel around every inch of the device, all the way down to the internals. His sense of touch wrapped around every wire, crossing the circuit board, even scratching underneath where the paint had been chipped. He had a hold of the remote entirely .
With a mighty heave, he hoisted his Excalibur of entertainment towards the heavens, "Satisfied?" Louis asked with a hint of confidence. His eyes were still closed, but he could tell Ambrose's were bugged out.
Ambrose's voice caught in a high pitched gasp, thanks to fresh feminine vocal chords, "Lou, you just-I-I can't believe it! The remote's floating, open your eyes!"
Louis peered slightly, allowing him a peek without breaking his focus. Ambrose was right, the remote was floating alright, engulfed in a yellowish aura with the sounds of wind chimes twinkling from his forehead.
"It appears it is," Louis stated, "Yes, the incredible skill of grabbing a remote will truly go down as one of man's greatest achievements."
"Ah-Ah, a unicorn's greatest achievement," Ambrose chirped , "If you're gonna act smart, then do it right."
"Riiiight, how silly of me to address myself as a human, which I most definitely wasn't up until now."
"Why don't you lighten up a bit and enjoy this," Ambrose said, "You've never had a horn before, and you handled your first experiment like a natural." He nodded his head with a smile.
"Course it was easy, I used my arm to pick it up. Should be simple for anyone."
"Gonna be like that, huh? Well then Mr. Debbie Downer, if it's so easy, go ahead and do the second thing I asked." He pointed a hoof towards the TV.
"Fine, I'll give you something to ogle at," Louis closed his eyes fully, envisioning his index finger hovering above on the buttons.
Click
"There, happy?" He opened his eyes to see that the channel...remained the same. "What?!" His outburst caused the remote to fall out of his mental grip, "But I hit the right one! I'm sure of it, I could feel it!"
"Not so easy then, hmm?" Ambrose said with a smirk.
Louis's teeth ground, as he quickly snatched the remote in an aura of magic once more, crushing the buttons at a rapid pace. Yet, no matter how much he pushed, the images of the TV refused to budge even an inch. He snorted loudly, throwing the remote on the ground, "You worthless piece of plastic, fucking work!" He exclaimed, pointing a hoof in anger.
Another idea came to him as he looked down at his hooves, "Brute force it is then," He growled, "Don't like magic, huh? Well how about THIS!" He slammed down a hoof on the buttons, sounding off a muffled crack. He glanced at the TV in hopes of a new projection, hell even those reports from this morning would do at this point! He just needed something else! Anything!
But the only thing that he saw was the same forest, the same trees, the same light fog. Everything the same.
The branches swayed back and forth, coiling and shifting. Louis imagined them warping into wicked smiles, laughing hysterically as the remained unchanged behind their protective screen.
But it wasn't just them, no, it was the rude awakening this morning, leading to another on the couch about his mental wellbeing. Then there was that damn girl, the one responsible for the drugs working their way through their systems. The drugs that caused that horrible experience in the bathroom. The experience that caused him to become a small unicorn, one who can't even use his magic properly to change a channel. Everything today was horrid, yet it only seemed to have it out for him. Ambrose was all sunshine and roses, giddy as he enjoyed his trip. But Louis? No. It was only grueling torture, humiliation around every corner.
"Hey, Lou Lou?" Ambrose said, appearing next to Louis. Yet he was unresponsive, only answering with a twitch at the corner of his glossed over eyes, mouth acting in a similar fashion, "Chill out, it probably takes a bit of practice. Why don't we try it again?"
He was answered by an abrupt shriek of rage. Louis's body convulsed and twitched uncontrollably, even managing to perform a few bucks. Though with a body that small, there wasn't much power in them. He wrestled back control, slobbering and whinnying with anger; taking another long, murderous look at the remote. Louis pounced, repeatedly beating on it with both hooves. Each strike gave off louder cracks than the last.
Louis wheeled around, eyes ablaze, "Yeah? Good! We'll see who's laughing when their in a billion fucking BITS!" On that last word, he stomped down with both forehooves, causing a bright blast to come from his horn. Louis was knocked back and the remote exploded, pieces flying all over the living room.
"Jesus!" Ambrose jumped, wings flaring out in surprise.
Whatever was in the magic blast seemed to work...for Louis's anger. All his frustration flew out of his body, now leaving him dazed and confused, "Oooooh my head..." He moaned, slowly looking around at the scrap, "...Oh, sorry."
"Yeah, thanks," Ambrose grumbled. He looked over the the TV, now stuttering like it had a bad signal, "What the hell's gotten into you...besides the drugs? You were all excited for this earlier, and now you're acting like a fucking psycho and killing the mood." He scoffed with a flick of his mane.
Louis rose to his haunches, "Sorry Ambrose, it's just...today's been absolutely fucking terrible. Even this trip turned out to be a bust right from the start, the shit in the bathroom ruined whatever chance of fun I could've had. Everything's been out of my control, and when I had that small bit of control slip away," He slumped in shame, "I couldn't take it anymore...I'm sorry."
Ambrose raised an eyebrow, "The bathroom? What the hell happened back there?"
"...You don't need to know. I've already bummed you out enough, no need to soil it further." Louis said, looking at the bits of remote scattered on the floor. He went to kick a chunk with his hoof, only for it to stop his hoof's motion altogether. At that point he just gave up, and surrendered himself to the floor in defeat.
Ambrose looked away, ears flattened, "Sorry things went so south regarding...well...everything today." He gave Louis a slight pat on the back, "Tell you what, when we're all clean and normal tomorrow, you and me take a nice long drive somewhere. Anywhere. How's that sound?"
"That would sound great, but the buzzing from the TV is making my head hurt even worse," Louis replied.
Ambrose walked over to the TV, still stationary with bars of static and broken frames. As he clicked the power button on the side, he heard yet another crack. A very expensive crack. He turned his head to see the screen had become a sprawling mass of spider webs, spiraling to all corners. "What the-I didn't even use that much force!" He looked down to his hooves in horror of their destructive capabilities.
"A new remote, and now a new TV, why don't we start punching holes in the walls at this point?" Louis said, still lying around in a pool of his own hair, "At least the buzzing sound stopped."
In fact, all sound ceased. The mighty faucets in the sky snapped shut in an instant. The soft hums of appliances around the home were now choked. Everything around them had become dead quiet.
Sounds of glass falling, repeatedly, then filled the air as the screen started to fall apart. Which was pretty normal considering what'd happened to it moments ago.
What isn't normal is glass suddenly shifting into dirt as it hit the ground.
They started at the brown mounds before turning to each other, "You saw that, right?" Ambrose said quickly.
"Uh huh," Louis muttered, getting to his hooves.
One by one, shards from the screen would fall. And one by one, they switched to soil, as little insects squirmed and slithered amongst themselves.
Eventually the screen was no more, yet the forest remained visible, more lifelike than ever. The whipping winds blasted their way through the newfound hole, blowing Louis's hair all across his face.
"Ack-pffff-what the fuck, man?" He spat, only to find a foreign object fly into his mouth, leaving a leafy taste in its wake. The branches began to rumble, slowly creeping their way closer, coming to poke out of the TV and into the living room itself.
"Shit!" Ambrose jumping towards the couch for safety. Instead of cushions, he crashed against a cold, hard surface. He looked around with confused, terrified eyes as the couch slowly started to shapeshift. Bending and twisting into itself, the corduroy compressing into cracks and concrete digging into the carpet. Before he knew it, their recliner had reformed into a massive rock.
The trees continued to trespass into their territory, as the movements were becoming too much for the TV. It began to shake violently, as they began to rip apart the frame. Roots and vines around on the ground, making their way into the kitchen.
"Hey! Get back here!" Ambrose stumbled to catch the roots as they slid up the sink and slithered down the drain.
"What's happening Ambrose?" Louis shouted, still tugging at strands.
"Get in here quick! The roots are clogging the sink!" Ambrose watched as tendrils wrapped themselves around the faucet handles. "Don't. You. DARE." He growled at the overactive shrubbery. And clearly was unruly shrubbery as well, as they turned both knobs until they tore off. There was a dull groan, as the pipes began to burst. The tap exploded, blasting water through the kitchen like a geyser.
"Hey, you're flooding the place!" Louis shouted from the corner of the room, finally clearing his vision by wrapping hair around his horn.
"Oh yeah like I'd do this on purpose!" Ambrose sniped as another gush of water shot out, completely drenching Louis.
"C'mon, not again!" Louis stumbled backwards before his back hooves caught a slick surface, sliding out from underneath him as he landing on his stomach. When he tried to get up, he saw his two tone coat was near a complete covering of brown. The carpet uprooted, ripped back to reveal the mud lying underneath.
The ground began to vibrate, as fibers unwound to grow higher and higher, taking on an increasingly green hue in the process. Some grew to the length of his legs, while others were almost reaching the ceiling. Louis could only watch as everything literally fell apart around him.
Cupboards crumbled, walls withered away to reveal bark lying in wait. The TV had since disintegrated, becoming the festering center of this metamorphosis from man-made to nature. The refrigerator began to overflow with plants and berries, as they began to roll all across the floor. The tiles were popping out of place as the massive roots continued to grow, rumbling the whole house. The steam from the sink began to swirl all around them, leaving behind a hazy occupant.
"We gotta get out of here!" Ambrose panicked, looking around frantically, "Quick, down the hall!" He galloped as best he could, though it was bit difficult given the slick terrain. And the fact he'd never had to gallop before his whole life.
But he did manage to make his way to the hall, only to find there was no hall anymore.
Instead a large, twisting mass of branches, vines and many more horrors of nature were devouring everything in sight as they inched closer to him. Ambrose sat wide eyed at what was unravelling before him. That was until a branch quickly shot out, striking him in the chest and sending him flying backwards into the living room. He came down on his back, wincing from the sharp pains of crushing his wings.
Louis came and stood over him, "No on the hallway then?"
Ambrose grabbed Louis's neck and quickly yanked him down to the floor as he wrapped all four limbs around him.
"Wha-the fuck are you doing?" He croaked, feeling his ribs compress from the bone crushing grip.
Ambrose continued to stare at the ceiling in terror, so Louis decided to look for himself, quickly finding out Ambrose's woes.
The ceiling had been set ablaze, thanks to the center light becoming extremely bright, and extremely hot. Flames flicked all across the ceiling as they soon spread to every bit of the house still standing. As the structure was singed, the winds scattered it away into nothingness, never to be seen again.
With this final act, everything quickly died down. The two were laying in the middle of the a vast, lush forest, sounds and all.
"I-wha-what just happened?" Ambrose sputtered, slowly rising to shaky hooves.
"According to our brains, and those brownies, we've been spat out into a forest," Louis examined himself, "and we're still horses." He finally got up, attempting to stretch out his stubby limbs.
Ambrose kept a keen eye on the branches, studying their swaying movements, "So what does that mean then? As to where we actually are?"
"The living room still, more than likely," Louis glanced up at the smoldering star in the sky, burning once where the light hung, "What's left of it at least."
"You can say that again, we fucking trashed the place! What didn't get eaten up by these trees literally crumbled away!" Ambrose hung his head and heaved a sigh. Perhaps it's best we're not there, I can't even begin to imagine how much this'll cost to fix.
"Yeah...maybe using drugs as an escape mechanism wasn't the best idea we've had." Louis said before catching a glimpse at Ambrose's back. His wings were now filled with flightless feathers, many dangling broken from their sockets, "You alright? Looks like you took a hell of a hit back there."
Ambrose gave them a slight fluff, causing a few to fall out, "I'm alright, branch in the hallway got a good whack on me, the bastard. Probably be feeling that one when this is all over."
"If you say so man, those wings aren't catching any airtime any time soon."
Ambrose shrugged slightly, "Wasn't booking any flights tonight anyways. I only just learned how to open them, I don't think they let you fly a jumbo jet on your first day of flight school." A faint smile appeared, "Besides I'm a tough gal, a smack from an overgrown shrub isn't putting me outta commission." He puffed out his chest as he flexed his muscles.
"A tough ol' bird, like the one we get around in." Louis said with a smirk.
"That's right." Ambrose giggled.
"Yeah, and I think I'll put a lid on any future magical endeavors for the time being. Last one sent us somewhere...somewhere..."
In the remnants of their residence's recent removal from existence, they were now standing on a beaten path within the forest. The trees towered around them, tops touching the sky as their gnarly roots gouged into the grassy surface. Impenetrable walls built from the bricks of brown and green foliage made looking through the clusters of tree trunks near impossible. The air was thick with a misty fog that seemed to decrease in transparency the deeper you delved into the depths of the forest. Smells of plants, both familiar and alien wafted into his nostrils, filling them with the sweet seductive scent of berries and flowers. His ears twitched to the sounds of rustling leaves, menacing creatures that lie in wait. Though not a cloud hung in the sky, the land was smothered in a blanket of palpable dread pouring out of every nook and cranny.
"...somewhere I really don't want to be right now." Louis finished with a nervous tone.
"Agreed, this place is giving me the creeps." Ambrose looked down both ends of the path before motioning to Louis, "Let's head down the way, with the less ominous looking fog."
"As opposed to your average, everyday ominous looking fog? Yeah, I second that," Louis said, as he began to walk on wobbly hooves, "Man, now I really wish I had my regular legs back."
"Sorry Lou Lou, looks like we're hoofing it from here," Ambrose said, before stopping, "...Shit, I said that out loud didn't I?"
"Sigh...You did," Louis grumbled as they trotted down the trail.
The walk went about as well as you'd expect: no sign of progress, aching legs, occasional groans of frustration and constantly checking to see if something isn't sizing you up for supper. Neither one had checked to see if there were any kind of landmarks they could tag for later, they more than likely going around in circles.
Though it wasn't all bad, this never ending trot gave them plenty of practice with their new walking style. It wasn't second nature, but they weren't gonna be face planting every five seconds now that they found a rhythm. They didn't even need to watch their steps, something their necks would be eternally grateful for.
However, this walking was doing a real number on them mentally, as the trees seemed to be nearly endless, almost as if they were repeating themselves after a short period. Their brains seemed to be skipping, never catching that next connection needed to create an exit.
Eventually, Louis came to a stop, eyelids barely staying alert.
Ambrose turned to look, “What’s the trouble?”
“Calling a break, my legs are killing me,” Louis collapsed under a tree, a lush covering from the all-seeing sun in the sky. Silent. Celestial.
Ambrose would’ve argued, but there’s no point to dispute something you wholeheartedly agree with, so took a spot next to him, leaning back on the large trunk. “Not for too long, though. We still got no clue what’s roaming free around us.”
Free…”Everfree…” Louis found these words mumbling from his mouth.
“Hmm?”
“I-uhh, just had a name come to me…for the forest, I mean.” Louis picked his head up, scanning his surrounds, “…Yeah man, just sorta came to me, what do you think?”
“Everfree?” Ambrose scoffed, “I think Ever-Lost is a better fit in my opinion, but I suppose that works too.”
“Yeah…the Everfree Forest,” Louis smiled slightly, putting his head back down. A strange wave of relief washed over him, the fact that he could put a name to this place. Strange considering he wanted nothing but to never see it again, a wish that would be granted soon. It was most likely his brain acting up again, now that it didn’t have to focus on his limb’s repetitive motions.
He now found himself caught in the swaying motions of the trees, softly singing an old tune to himself. A comforting song from a less comforting time a half-century past; it seems a little bit of imagination can go a long way. Either that, or we haven’t gone too far as a society since then, still going at each other’s throats for the most minuscule of mishaps. Shit, what would Fogerty do in this situation? Would he try to make any sense of it all, to use his talents to twist a tune of love and tolerance? No, he already gave us a blueprint for these troubling times. Run through the jungle, don’t look back.
At least these thoughts were keeping him away from their peculiar predicament. It wasn’t a completely alien concept to him, plenty of times before he found himself stoned out of commission, but not like this. No anchoring to reality whatsoever. Swept out into a sea of paranoid delusions populated by ponies and trees, none of it made any sense.
Ambrose shuffled a bit, leaning over to Louis, “Hey Lou, wanted to ask you about that bathroom thing, y’know since we got a minute.”
Louis shook his head, “Save it, I already told you why I wouldn’t say.”
“Just say it, you’re starting to annoy me with all this vagueness,” Ambrose said, “It can’t be as embarrassing as this whole mare thing for me.”
“It’s not embarrassing, it’s just-“ Louis sighed, sitting up, “I went to the toilet, puked my guts out, and then my body decided to get rid of everything else.”
“Oh, you pissed yourself…I see,” Ambrose scooted away.
“No I didn’t piss myself! It was worse than that!”
“So you shit yourself?” Ambrose recoiled.
“What? No! I-“ Louis grumbled, rubbing his temples in frustration, “Not that kind of worse, more the fleshy kind of everything,” Ambrose looked confused, so he continued, “It felt like…my whole body was on fire, man, everything started dripping and peeling…I fucking tore my face off with these hands,” He shoved his forehooves in Ambrose’s face, “After that the shower took care of the rest of my body. There, finished.”
Ambrose saw Louis’s face twist up, probably replaying the events in his head, “Well, at least that explains your bitter attitude…and the blood.”
“Yeah, well there’s your summary. I’m not giving a full fucking book report.” Louis huffed, crossing his arms.
Ambrose chuckled a bit, “And I thought I had it bad. I barely noticed my body changing until someone started screaming bloody murder,” He peered, catching an eye roll from Louis, “Only then did I realize I was becoming a horse. Not gonna lie, freaked me out just a little bit.”
But now Ambrose could breathe a little easier knowing his trip wasn’t the worst, though it did suck Louis was on the receiving end. Seemed to be par for the course the last couple of months, perhaps years. They had only just started catching up again after a long hiatus of focusing on their own lives, separated by states.
The cool breeze passed through his fur, causing a hoof to twitch, “Alright, no more moping around, we gotta keep moving.”
Louis groaned, “Five more minutes, man? I’m really digging this bark, nice and sturdy,” he traced a hoof down the trunk, giving it a few dull knocks. He closed his eyes again with a tired smile.
Ambrose snorted and gave the tree a forceful strike, causing the tree to shake violently.
And an enormous mass to fall on top of Louis.
“AAAHHH! IT’S GOT ME! IT’S FUCKING GOT ME! RUN AMBROSE! RUN!” Louis screamed, struggling to slip free of the object. Yet with every kick and pull, it seemed to ensnare him even tighter into a straight jacket of string. “IT’S A FUCKING SPIDER! NO!”
“Louis…”
“I’M SORRY AMBY, I’M SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A DICK! FOR EVERYTHING!”
“Louis.”
“TO THINK IT WOULD END LIKE THIS-“
“LOUIS!”
“FUU-huh, wha?” He stopped moving, finally getting a chance to see what had caught him.
It was a cube-like contraption made of wooden sticks and multiple panels of paper in a rainbow of pigments. Connected to it was a long, thin string now finding itself spooled around the spooked stallion.
“What the-wha-is this a fucking kite?” Louis exclaimed.
Ambrose grinned, giggling to himself, “Yeah, you just got ambushed by a kite.”
“Oh ha-ha, this just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?” Louis attempted to unwind himself, only to tangle himself even further, “Can I get a hand, man?” He barked.
“Sure, I’ll lend you a hoof,” Ambrose said with a devious grin.
“Fuck you.”
After a slow sequence of stripping and snapping of strings, Louis had been freed of his paper-mache prison.
“This is getting stupid, who the hell uses a kite as a trap?” He shouted, kicking the kite to the side.
“A trap?”
“Yeah, man, last time I checked we don’t have any kites in the house, unless you got some weird hobbies I don’t know about,” Ambrose shook his head, “Exactly, so someone’s screwing with us.” Louis trotted back and forth in thought, “I knew it, I fucking knew it. She’s gotta be behind it, no other way…”
“Who are you talking abou-“ Ambrose caught on, “It’s not Nicole Lou. She’s long gone by now. Nobody’s setting any traps on us.”
“How would you know if that girl-that bitch-isn’t pulling some shit?”
“Because I’m the one who actually met her,” Ambrose retorted.
“For like five seconds, on a drug deal!”
“I’m telling you, she didn’t seem like that kind of person.”
“Then who could it be, Amby? Is Charlie waiting in the weeds to come kill us?” Louis replied sarcastically.
“No, but if you keep screaming and breaking shit…in a neighborhood, someone definitely will show up.” Ambrose stated.
"What do you mean?" Louis asked before it clicked, “…No…you don’t think-they wouldn’t…we haven’t had any problems here for months, man! They wouldn’t do something as cruel as that, would they?” Louis’s heart began to race, movements becoming skittish and frantic. The only times they’d been called was just for mere noise complaints, called in by those who were too busy dealing with the stick up their ass than to allow anyone to escape with the heinous crime having a bit of fun into the late hours of the night. He’d had a few run-ins with them before back in his hometown, before fleeing over to the west coast. Even if the people’s attitudes were different, theirs remained constant—a brutal, unforgiving, unfeeling constant. Even now, he could hear the rhythmic thumping of that cold, oppressive march, trampling everything they came across in big black boots. Off somewhere in the distance, becoming louder, steadier.
That’s when Ambrose began shaking him, “Louis, back to reality please!” Louis looked at him with glassy, unfocused eyes, “You hear that too, don’t you?"
Those boots were real, and they were coming closer. As their ears twitched and turned to the distant steps, a new sound could be heard: voices.
Louis was shaking in place, unable to move as one simple thought managed to whimper out,
“Oh shit this is bad, no WAY we’re passing for sober, we’re fucked!” Louis could feel his heart hammering on his rib cage, attempting to flee, “Should’ve just listened to Creedence when we had the chance, man! They had the answers! Run through the jungle…don’t look back…don’t look back…” He trailed off, muttering in a panic. He’d been busted before, but never this deep into a trip.
Traces of sweat trickled down Ambrose’s face, “Yeah, we’re still high as kites. If anyone saw us-“
“Stop doing that! It’s not funny!” Louis shouted.
“Stop shouting! You’re gonna draw more attention!” Ambrose shouted back.
“Me? You’re the one who’s yelling!”
“You did it first!”
Louis shook his head, “Alright stop, stop! This isn’t getting us anywhere. Those fuckers will be beating down the door any second. We keep doing this, we're gonna get caught with our pants down.”
“Uhhh, we’re not wearing pants…or anything for that matter,” Ambrose said, a slight blush appearing.
Louis looked between his legs, then back to Ambrose, “…Shit, even worse.” He then swiveled his sight around the area, “Ok, I don’t see anything yet, we still got time for a plan.”
Fine. Just fine for Louis. If his luck was ever going to turn around tonight, it would have to be now. No way he could charm his way around a cop; the scene would be too crazy. Something so out there that to tell anything but the truth might trigger something in the officer. Some kind of spite fueled rage that would result in a longer sentence than the rambling spew he would spray the cop’s way. He could see it now, the skull-splitting tension, the maniacal mutterings of a man gone mad:
“Ok now Mr. Louis…uh…Hemmingway, yes, we’ve received many concerned calls from homeowners here of a serious noise complaint, sounded like someone was being attacked. You happen to know anything about that?”
“Yes officer, absolutely we were attacked, man, attacked by those goddamn, go-for-nothing Tree huggers! Nothing but bad news, I’ll tell ya!”
He lifts an eyebrow, “Are you saying a group came over to the house and physically assaulted you and your friend here?” He points over to the larger figure in the corner, “Would that explain why you’re not wearing any clothes…and the fact you’re on all fours, Mr. Hemmingway?”
“Well…not exactly officer, you see, the reason we’re naked as you call it, is because we’re horses.”
“Horses?” He says.
“Wait…no, ponies! Yeah, we’re ponies, sir. My friend over there was visited by Nicole, a real bitch officer, class-A cunt. Anyways, she gave him these Elements while he was out and about one day, and we were told they would get us away from all the troubles of the world right now, seemed like a good idea at the time. I baked those little shits into some brownies and ate them later. But do you know what, man?”
“I’m listening,” He states, pen mimicking a writing motion.
“They didn’t help us at all! It was fucking far out, too far out for me. I had to go in the bathroom, and my face started to peel off, so I just decided to remove the whole thing, seriously irritating my fur, y’know?”
“Mmm-hmm”
“Yeah, so after I removed my human skin, I discovered I was this petite little pony you see before you! I know, I couldn’t believe it either! It wasn’t exactly a clean strip though, was quite the bloody affair having to tear off limbs. That’s why there was all this shouting and that blood in the hallway.”
“Uh-huh,” Heavy stare, “…and your friend, Mr. Sinclair, he mentioned something about a forest?”
“Uhhh-oh, yes! After me and Ambrose here, he’s a mare now, were in the living room after we became ponies, trying to calm each other down. But the house, man. The house started to fall apart all around us! It was crazy, real scary shit. It all crumbled, revealing this big, scary forest we’re standing in right now. That’s the whole story, officer. That girl assaulted us in our most sensitive spot, the brain. Can you believe that officer?”
The officer stood silent, continuing to scribble away notes. When he finished, he clicked his pen closed, giving off the sound of a cocking firearm. His gaze darkens, teeth beginning to bare as he inches closer to the pony. Backing it into a corner, he levels the gun to its skull, slobbering and searing with rage as he muttered to the poor animal one word:
“NO!” Louis screamed, covering his face with his forehooves.
“I thought we said no screa-“ Ambrose was muted by a hoof mashed into his muzzle.
“We gotta hide,” Louis whispered, “…The bushes, we hide in the bushes. Going by the trip's logic, they shouldn't see us...hopefully."
He desperately looked around for a safe place to hide. There, a big bush off the trail, big enough even for Ambrose to hide in, “Quick, over here!” Before Ambrose could blink, Louis hopped headfirst into their cover.
Ambrose grumbled, “Secluding in shrubbery, we’ve really hit rock bottom now.” He followed into the bush. Miraculously, they managed to avoid pricking themselves on any wild branches as they sat and waited for those unsavory guests to make their appearance.
Slowly but surely, the sound of those boots became steadier as they came closer. However, they'd since warped into the rhythmic clip-clop of hooves, a sound the two had become accustomed to thanks to their own pairs. The voices, however, were something that took them by surprise.
“Ah-ha! I found it!” A feminine voice gasped with glee, soon followed by a quick gallop towards the bush, “Starlight, it’s over here!”
Soon, another pair of hooves quickly made their way over, “You did? Oh, thank you so much, Twilight! I thought it was gone for good.”
“Starlight?” Louis whispered to Ambrose.
“Twilight? Ambrose whispered to Louis.
The two voices continued, “Yup, just a little aerial scouting, and it was pretty easy to find,” The one called Twilight said, “You need to keep a better grip on it next time, seeing as we had to go pretty deep in the Everfree to find it.”
“Aerial…they got helicopters?” Louis muttered.
“Quiet,” Ambrose replied.
“Sorry Twilight, that gust just sorta caught me off guard,” Starlight said sheepishly, “But this kite’s one of my favorites. I couldn’t just let it go like that.”
The sound of wind chimes could be heard as the kite was hoisted into the air, “Yeeeah about that,” Twilight said.
Another gasp could be heard, one of shock, “Oh no! You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Starlight exclaimed, “It must’ve gotten stuck in the trees, o-or some creature got a hold of it! I worked really hard on this one, too!”
“I’m so sorry Starlight, we can always rebuild it.”
Starlight sniffed, “I-I know, but he w-was so young, so pure! He had only just gotten a taste of what it was like to be up there, to feel the wonderful winds of Equestria’s skies! And now, he’ll never be the same again!” It sounded like she had collapsed to her knees in despair as she continued to wail, “What sort of heartless monster could do this? To take away such innocence from this world? Why…why…WHY?”
Louis’s ears folded to his head, which hung low with a bright red blush of embarrassment, sorry…
“Uh, Starlight? You think you’re being just a little overdramatic?”
“Oh, uhh,” Starlight cleared her throat, “Perhaps that might’ve been a little too much there,” She chuckled, “All that melodrama is more up Rarity’s alley anyways.” The two of them began laughing together.
“...What's even happening right now?” Ambrose said, dumbfounded by what he was hearing.
“I’m beyond lost, man. See if you can get a look at them.” Louis said.
“I’ll try, hang on,” Ambrose parted the leaves slightly, allowing him a small window as to what was unfolding, even if it was blurry.
There was indeed only two present. Two ponies present. Great, now I’m seeing everyone else as ponies as well, Ambrose thought to himself. Both had coats a hue of purple: one more lavender, and the other a paler coloring. The manes were a similar story, another shade of purple with highlights of fluorescent pink and teal. The marks on their flanks both had themes of shimmering stars, badges. No doubt about it, their similarities were due to being uniforms. The neighborhood had called the cops on them. And now, however strangely, they were on the hunt for the perpetrators.
“Well?” Louis whispered.
“No doubt, it’s the cops.”
“Shit,” Louis shivered, “Now what?”
“We have to wait them out, no other way now.” Ambrose sunk back into his original position.
"Wait them out? There right outside the fucking door, man!” Louis hissed.
The two officers outside continued their conversation, "Well if we're all settled, I would like to get out of here as soon as possible. Even if the trees caught it, some creature, or somepony, came to scope it out. Check out these hoofprints." Twilight said, the sound of a hoof tapping following her statement.
"You're right, look at the size of these ones here!" Starlight said, "There almost twice the size of my own, whatever passed through here was very big."
Ambrose could feel his pupils shrink to pins, slowly trying squish himself even further in the shrub.
Causing said shrub to shake slightly.
Any action outside the bush ceased immediately, bringing about an eerie silence. Starlight audibly gulped, "...And very close."
Louis looked to his friend in a panic, starting to shake again with fear.
“Oops...” Was all Ambrose could muster.
They could feel the ponies growing suspicions, pairs of overlarge eyes slowly moving side to side in search, "Starlight, stay close, we need to do a scan of the area...just to be sure," Twilight commanded.
And with that, those familiar wind chimes began to ring out, Louis could feel another kind of ringing in his head. Urgh that feels weird, what’s happening to me? He thought, it feels like…some sort of signal, tapping into my skull…no it’s just my nerves, calm down. Stay low. Shortly thereafter, that entire sensation encased his whole body, mainly wrapped around his abdomen. “Amby, let go off me,” He whispered, not shifting his gaze away from the two outside.
“What? Why would I be holding…you...” Ambrose trailed off, confused.
“Then what is this-“ Louis looked over to Ambrose, who was now highlighted in a hue of translucent teal. Not too different to the yellow aura he created around the remote earlier that night. He then looked down to his own body, whose cream fur was now shining a glowing pink all over.
Fuck.
“I got something!” Starlight exclaimed, “Over there, in the bush!”
“Odd?” Starlight asked, worry creeping its way into her tone.
“Yes, the reading I'm getting is pretty familiar, it seems to be…accompanied by magic. The amount normally found in…a unicorn?” Twilight said surprised.
FUCK!
“What?” Starlight shouted, “Why would a unicorn be here, and hiding in the bush no less?” She was still for a moment, before letting out a frightened gasp, “It’s the creature! It’s attacked somepony!”
Ambrose felt something latch onto him all over in a vice grip, unable to move, What the hell? Let go of me!
“Hang on Starlight, we don’t know that yet.” Twilight said in a calming voice.
“Oh, we’re about to find out. Right...” Ambrose’s limbs soon left the ground, faintly floating upwards as he was overwhelmed with panic.
“…NOW!” And with that Ambrose was shot out of the shrub, ripping into the air like a rocket. “AAAAAAHHH!” He screamed, flailing his hooves and flapping his wings. None of these helped much as he soon was reunited with the ground, crashing hard and his head bouncing off the ground before rolling a few times. Soon he came to rest, his back towards the two officers.
“NO!” Louis screamed, squirming to slip from his own magical grip.
“I got you, you thief!” Starlight said, slowly making her way towards him, “Think you just go around stealing kites and fellow ponies, do you? Well THINK…again?” She stopped her triumphant rant as she caught a glance at his wings, and certain marks brandished on both hips, “Wait a minute, a pegasus?”
“Oooooh…” Ambrose groaned, slowly picking up his throbbing head. That didn’t change the way he felt much; everything was so surreal to be properly processed. Did he really just get thrown around his own house by an officer? While envisioning himself as a fucking pony? Naked? How was he supposed to comprehend anything as ridiculous as that? Any dignity that remained decided to go wherever his manhood deserted too. Any enjoyment tonight had long since evaporated. All he wanted now was to be done with this horseshit and the horse shit, but now he was in the shit because of horses…shit.
His vision soon became clear as the fuzzy forms of four horses slowly fused into two very cartoonish, very confused ponies. As his eyes darted between their gazes, he quickly thought of something to say, something that might ease this encounter with equines.
Starlight blinked with a blank expression before finding a response, “…Uh…neigh to you too,” She rubbed one of her legs with a hoof, “So…I guess there’s no creature, is there?”
“No,” Ambrose huffed, continuing to nurse his skull, “But there is a unicorn with me.” He glanced back at the shrub.
Suddenly, Louis shot up out of the bush, screaming and spasming his limbs encased in the pink aura, “You mean this unicorn?” Twilight asked, a stern look remaining on her face.
“Yes, that unicorn,” Ambrose stated, “Can you put that unicorn down, please?”
Louis was then dragged through the air, floating all the way over to Ambrose’s side before stopping. The aura soon vanished, dropping him from the sky and landing hard on his rear, causing his hair to fall in front of his face. There was no grace in any action, no humor to be harvested. Only comedic to the cops who knew they’d gotten their hands-or hooves-on a pair of idiots just stupid enough to think they could outsmart them. Thrown around with no respect, like a criminal.
“Thanks,” Ambrose said, “Now, I know this looks a bit strange, but-“
“Why were you two hiding in the bush?” Twilight quickly asked, walking up and peering down at Ambrose. “And why did you destroy my kite?” Starlight quickly added with a hint of anger. Ambrose was beginning to grow a disdain for the color purple; these two certainly weren’t wearing it well.
As for Louis, he was draped in a haze of dread. He couldn’t handle the pressure anymore, building too much, too quick to begin unpacking. It now spilled all across his emotions. Everything that night was egging him on, hoping he would break. Now, the shell finally shattered.
“It was an accident, we swear!” His sudden outburst caused the two to jump, “All of it! I-I-I-I didn’t know what was going to happen, no clue! All I wanted was a night of forgetting, o-of casting off all of my problems, even if it were just a few measly hours! But I was wrong, I-I was so very, very wrong! It took over everything…everything,” His voice cracked slightly, “I wasn’t ready for the horror I had created, the monster that lay in wait…it all got the best of me, of us! Please, you have to understand, please!...please….” His voice trailed off as his eye sockets became soaked with regret.
The two cops grew a deadpan expression, panning their attention towards Ambrose.
He cleared his throat nonchalantly, “We got lost.”
Twilight put on a small smile, “There, was that so hard to say?”
“Huh? Wha-I-“ Louis began to stutter again before Ambrose cut him off,
“Please excuse my friend. We’ve been out here for nearly a full day, and it’s been…unnerving to say the least.”
“Wait, are you saying you guys have been lost out here since last night?” Twilight asked, her stiff demeanor slowly softening.
“Yes, if you couldn’t tell.” Ambrose snorted.
“I’ll say, your hooves are all worn and cracked,” Starlight said, pointing at Ambrose’s legs, “And your wings look like they’ve been used to sweep dirty floors rather than soar the skies.” She levitated a feather, turning it over in examination.
“And you,” Twilight looked over Louis, his appearance mirroring the crazy rant he just rambled. His mane had become matted and stringy, frazzled all over his face. Bits of stick and leaves had gathered within it, considering its length caused it to drag along the ground. The same thing could be said about his coat, which was splattered in a messy mixture of mud and blood. His hooves also showed wear and tear, being chipped and cracked and multiple areas. “...Have definitely seen better days.” She said, slightly cringing.
Starlight leaned over to Twilight, “The beauticians would have a field day with this mare.” She mumbled.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t quiet enough, as the twitch of an ear confirmed, “Mare….MARE?” Louis shouted. He shot up and stomped towards them, getting right up to their faces. Or their chins rather, considering he was even shorter than they were. “Does THIS look like a mare to you?” He quickly parted his hair revealing his fiery, and most certainly masculine, complexion.
Both of the officers eyes grew even bigger, “Uh-I mean stallion! A field day with this stallion. Yes, that’s..what…I meant, heh.” Starlight said, finishing with a forced smile.
Louis scowled before backing away, “Y’know, now that I see you from this angle…” Ambrose chuckled.
“Quiet.”
Twilight quickly shifted back into her police persona, continuing the interrogation, “So why were you guys waiting out here in the Everfree forest anyways?”
Ambrose was quick to reply lest Louis started spouting off again, "Like my friend said, life was becoming a bit more hectic than we could handle at the time, so we decided the best course of action was a little expedition into nature. Clear our heads, enjoy the calm atmosphere and the cool breeze."
"In the Everfree? At night?" Starlight said, raising an eyebrow.
"Alright I'll admit the plan played out a lot smoother in our heads," He and Louis looked at each other, "Instead it ended up blurring into one large mass of trees and such, got lost not too long after that." He decided to get his hooves underneath him, considering he was given a forced respite.
"Well that wasn't very smart, all manner of creatures lurk out here after dark. You two could've gotten seriously hurt." Twilight said as she looked to Ambrose. Looking up at him.
It was hard to tell since he was with Louis, but he still had his height advantage, and the hulking frame as Louis put it. He gazed down at the two mares, who were both taken aback at his sheer size. "Or perhaps you can look after yourself just fine." Twilight squeaked.
"I appreciate that," Ambrose said, flexing his pecs, "But you may be disappointed to hear we were hiding because we thought you two were some scary creatures."
"Hang on, you were hiding from us?" Ambrose nodded, "Then that means...I just..." Starlight's face became beet red as her ears folded, "...sorry for throwing you out of the bush like that." She said meekly.
Ambrose waved a dismissive hoof, "No need to be. In all fairness, I probably would've acted similar hearing something creeping around." This caused Starlight to smile a bit with relief.
Louis could only stare in starry-eyed amazement at what Ambrose had just achieved. Not only did he manage to mellow out the cops from their more barbaric behavior, but he also managed to take his own outburst and mold it into a made up story, squeezing sympathy out of the star-branded ponies. He could finally see it, that tiny glint of hope. The hope that they may actually get out of this without being arrested, without being dragged and dumped into a squad car, with a little indecency added on. They could just be left alone do deal with matter themselves. It was so close he could taste it, and it tasted like vanilla.
"Now then, why don't we lend you two a hoof getting back to town?" Twilight said cheerfully.
Vanilla extract to be exact.
"Oh no it's fine, really. We can handle ourselves from here, we don't need any assistance." Louis said, voice shaky. Now they were making their move, using this opportunity to swoop in and make the arrest.
"Don't be ridiculous, you guys have done quite enough trotting for today, it'll only take about a second to get you back home." She insisted, probably prepping the cuffs.
"Good thinking, where you guys live?" Starlight added, a double team maneuver.
Louis glanced to Ambrose, sweat running down the back of his neck. "Oh, uh-you see, we're kinda...new to the area, if you know what I mean..." Was the best thing he could muster, how the hell do you answer something like that when you're still at your house?
Twilight and Starlight both looked at each other, smiles glowing, "New ponies in town, huh? Well, why don't you rest up back at the castle? It's got plenty of rooms to spare." Starlight suggested.
"That's a great idea, Starlight! How's that sound?"
"C-Castle?" Louis could feel his eye start to twitch.
"Yeah y'know, the Castle? Big, made out of crystal? Ring any bells?" Starlight said.
"Crystal castle?" The police station. This was it, the end inching nearer.
Ambrose stepped by Louis's side, "You sure? That sounds like a real hike from here, and we don't want to bother you..." What do I even say to that? I got nothing!
"Don't worry, we got this. Starlight?" Both cops gained confident grins as their horns began to glow.
These fuckers are gonna tase us! “No, wait!” Louis screamed, seeing their horns continue to glow brighter. He quickly covered his face with his hooves, attempting to make any kind of shield. He waited for that searing shock to his nervous system, the spams and shakes as some of the most excruciating pain would shred across every inch of his body. Rattling his brain like a peanut in a jar.
Instead, all he felt was a slight tap on his shoulder.
“Wait for what? We’re already here.”
He brought his arms down to see Twilight standing in front of him. A very confused Twilight standing in front of him. A very confused Twilight standing in front of him inside of a massive, crystal foyer.
Louis and Ambrose looked around frantically, “What the-where are we?” Ambrose found himself asking a second time that night.
“Oh, right…” Twilight said sheepishly, probably remembering that comment about being new here, “We brought you guys over to the castle, my castle, to be exact.” She waved a welcoming hoof towards the rest of the room.
Ambrose continued to look around, “But h-how did we-I mean, we were just in the forest half a second ago!” He threw his hooves up in bewilderment.
“Oh, that was just a quick teleportation spell, nothing too challenging.”
Louis rolled his eyes, like that's gonna fly in court.
“Easy for you to say…” Starlight huffed, “You got the smaller one. Lugging this huge piece of pegasus along was a lot heavier than I thought.” Causing Twilight to giggle.
And for Ambrose’s brow to darken. He’ll admit, every event that unfolded tonight was of their own doing, no denying that. They somewhat knew what they were getting into; their sense of reason and decision making would be compromised, indeed. Turning into a horse? Ok, maybe that part they couldn’t plan for…and perhaps the house becoming a full-fledge fucking forest, that too. And if anything, all the neighbors called them on was for being a little too rowdy at night. But the way these two went about handling this was nothing short of an abuse of power. They kicked down his door, threw him around his home, insulted his best friend, dragged them into a patrol car and through the police station unconscious. And now they were laughing about it. A piece of pegasus…describing him like a piece of meat. An animal.
Goddamnit, he wasn't a fucking animal. He was somepony.
“We have names, y’know? Or are you two so high on your own power trips to give a shit at this point?” Ambrose turned to see Louis sitting with his arms crossed, a scowl matching his snark.
The two mares ceased laughing immediately, eyeing each other with looks of surprise and shivers.
"Oh no, we were so wrapped up in figuring out the problem in the Everfree, we didn't even ask you guys your names for Celestia's sake!" Twilight shouted, wrapping her hooves around her head.
Ambrose gave her a flat stare, nice save...bitch.
"Right, terribly sorry about that," Starlight said, sweating bullets, "Uh...is there a chance we could give this whole thing one big do over?"
Cold silence was the reply.
"Yeah...thought not," She chuckled nervously, "Soooo, you two are?"
"Louis Hemmingway."
"Ambrose Sinclair."
The mares stared for a second, before Twilight cleared her throat, "Well, it's nice to finally know your names. I'm Twilight Sparkle, and this is Starlight Glimmer." She pointed a hoof to her partner, who in turn gave a quick wave.
Fan-fucking-tastic, didn't even get their real names, Louis thought, Ugh, tomorrow is gonna be a real shit storm to sift through.
"Yeah, nice to meet you too," Ambrose responded sternly.
"And I'd think it'd be even nicer to see those plenty of rooms right about now," Louis added.
"Of course!...of course," Starlight said, continuing to wear a shade of red, "Just follow us."
Louis got up, "Thank you very much-"
"Wait!" Twilight literally appeared in front of him, causing him to jump back.
"Ah! What?"
"Do you mind if I clean you up a bit before we continue?"
The two looked to each other, noticing bits and pieces of the forest had followed them here.
"Sure." Louis grumbled.
"Thanks, I promise it'll be quick." Twilight said as her horn lit up.
The two found themselves soaked, shampooed, soaped, soaked again, and scrubbed in the span of a few seconds. They looked down to see their coats cleaned to a near polished shine, even little glints of light sparkling off here and there. Unfortunately for Louis, the split-second shower seemed to add even more volume to his hair, now even wavier and unmanageable than before.
"There, much better from all those sticks and mud, right?"
Ambrose spit a loose feather out of his mouth, "Sure."
They didn't pay much attention to their surroundings, not that they were going to be here long. More hallways, more crystal, more windows, more doors; everything seemed to bleed together. Each entry symmetrical, identical to one another. Uniform. Well, prisons aren't exactly made to be stylish anyway. Function over form is the name of the game here.
Eventually, they came to a stop in front of a pair of double doors, "And here we are, one room for our new guests!" Twilight said, opening them with a spark of magic.
Inside was a simple room, made of the same materials of the rest of the building. What confused them was how...hospitable, their temporary cell was: A king sized bed, overflowing with blankets and throw pillows. A nightstand with kettle and cups for brewing tea. And to top it off, a huge window in the corner, allowing a clear view of any current events in the world. The free world.
"Wow, uh..." Louis slowly walked inside, "this is...spacious."
"Yeah, these rooms are almost the size of a normal house." Ambrose inspected the kettle and cups.
Twilight went over and pulled down on a rope, causing the curtains to close. Sealing them off from the sights and sounds outside. Locking them inside here, in this room. Damn.
"We'll let you get some shut eye for now, after being stuck in the Everfree all night, I'd be beat!" Starlight said.
"Me and Starlight will be around in the castle, come get us if you need anything," Twilight said, making her way to the door, "It's always a pleasure to see more ponies take in interest in living here, I'm sure you two are going to love Ponyville."
Louis turned to the mares, "Oh...uh yeah! Absolutely, man!"
"Yeah, be seeing you!" Ambrose chirped.
The mares smiled, "Well, Vanilla Fudge...Mellow Yellow, see you soon!" And with that the door closed, leaving the pair alone.
Louis quickly grabbed Ambrose, near hitting him on the head with his horn, "What the fuck was that? Did she just call you Mellow Yellow?"
"I think so, and she called you Vanilla Fudge," Ambrose slowly backed himself away, "I don't get it, we gave them our names, right? Or are they just screwing with us again?"
Louis bit his hair in frustration, "Grrrrr! You know what, fuck it! I'm done! I'm just gonna go ahead and sleep. This shit better be gone by morning." He walked over to the bed, continuing to mutter to himself, "I can't fucking believe it, another fucking brownie joke..."
Ambrose found that last point very peculiar, considering absolutely nothing had shown any sign of going away. Everything up until this point had been crisp, extremely sharp. Not a single detail out of place, even down to the blades of grass underneath them, or the soft fabrics of the bedspread. Almost as if it were....
"Hey Lou? Has anything like, I don't know, worn off for you yet? I'm still seeing stuff at full force here."
Louis looked at him carefully, then to the rest of the room, "Nope, I'm still seeing everything, man." He plopped himself on the bed, pulling the covers over him, "But at this point I don't care, we'll deal with all of this tomorrow when our heads are screwed on correctly."
"Can’t really argue with that, not much we can do like this," Ambrose went to the other side of the bed, "When we're all nice and human again, I'm definitely paying those two a nice little visit." He growled.
"No, don't do anything too rash, we outta let's this whole thing play out legally man, as much as it pains me to say. You don't need threatening and-or assaulting an officer added to the list."
"I know, but...the way they treated us..."
"...Is the status quo for those kinds of people, a god complex. Give them a badge and gun and suddenly they think they have the right to beat their insecurities into the average citizen," Louis rolled over in the sheets, away from Ambrose, "Now, night night, Amby."
"But it's still day outside."
"Night night, Amby."
Ambrose rolled his eyes and pulled his sheets over him. Eventually the two found themselves drifting off into a deep, and very much needed, sleep.
“Uuuuh…” Came the groan of a very groggy Louis. After every event that unfolded last night, a low labored moan of regrets and bitter disappointment was the only way to express it. But that was yesterday, and today was going to be a real shit storm to sift through as he had elegantly described it last night.
Slowly rising from the sheets, he rubbed his face to be rid of any sleep still clinging onto his mind. However, as he moved the appendages in a circular motion, he quickly noticed a distinct lack of hard nail and fuzzy fur shuffling on his face. They felt smooth and soft, almost like…skin. He pulled them away from his face for examination.
A pair of pale palms. Connected to them were ten puny phalanges, all intact and accounted for.
“No way!” Louis exclaimed with glee, flexing his fingers. He quickly felt up his face again, Nose. Eyes. Mouth. Yes, yes, yes! His hair had been hemmed back to a reasonable length, at least compared to the rest of his body…wait a minute! Louis quickly stood tall on his two legs, examining himself all over, “Finally, I’m fucking human again! It’s about time, man!” He'll admit, standing up straight felt quite strange after having to scrape around on your hands and knees for a few hours-no! Fuck that! He was back to normal, to hell with all that horse shit!
And not only was he back to normal, so was the rest of his environment. The furniture, the walls, the light…the TV, it all looked like those from,
“Home…” He whispered, “I’m…back home, I’m back home!” Somehow, someway, they had actually managed to fend off those fucking fascists who flaunt themselves peacekeepers. They never were taken away in a patrol car…they never stepped foot in a police station…they never had to spend the night in a castle. They were always home, all throughout the night.
Louis laughed at himself. How could he have been so silly? Did he really let his brain freak him out that bad? C’mon now, becoming a pony, getting taken to a forest, and then to be accosted by another pair of purple pastel ponies who live in a crystal castle? That whole setup is so unbelievably stupid and contrived, there’s no way it had any chance at being real. Hell, even Ambrose handled that entire fiasco better than he did, shaking and stuttering. Rambling along like some kind of psycho.
That’s when he realized, “Hey, you awake yet, Ambrose?” He called out.
“Yeah, in the kitchen.” Came a response in a low, gruff, male voice.
Louis heaved a heavy sigh of relief, shedding the extra weight keeping him from moving, “Right, I’ll be there in a sec, man.” He finally stood up from the couch he had crashed on last night and gave a big stretch, enjoying the pops and cracks of his proper bone structure. Luckily, another thing he had hallucinated was the bit about him tearing his clothes off, so no awkward, brisk greetings this time around…
…even if that wasn’t too out of the ordinary.
As he looked down, he spotted on the coffee table the crumbled remains of what was the cause of this catastrophe: chunks of those fudge brownies…with the Elements. He knelt down, getting as close to the chocolatey culprits as he could, and whispered, “You think you won this one, hmm? Think you can get the best of Ambrose and me with forests and pretty ponies, do you? Well, man, I got but one thing to say to that,” In a show of true sportsmanship, he let fly two double birds before gliding his way towards the kitchen.
Making his way into the kitchen, it was there he saw he saw a huge man, casually sipping on a cup of coffee. He raised his brow as his eyes caught Louis, swallowing the mouthful he just consumed, “Well, hi there, Lou Lou. Nice to see you finally up and about.” He gave him a warm smile, “Seems like we got a bit of a role reversal here, don’t we? Me waking you up?”
Louis slowly walked towards him, “Just…give me a second Amby,” He wrapped his arms around his stomach and buried his face in his chest, “You have no idea how good it is to see you again like this, you big lug.” He muffled, nearly on the verge of joyful tears.
Ambrose gave him a pat on the back, “Aww, it wasn’t that bad.”
“But it was!” Louis’s head shot up, eyes quivering in a slight panic, “It was so fucking…nerve racking! It was too much all at once! T-the body peeling, the whole h-h-house coming apart! Meeting t-those t-t-two ponies, thinking we’re were getting arrested! I just-I didn’t know what to do, where to go! I-“ His ramblings were quickly cut by a slow, soft gesture sliding down his scalp.
Ambrose had taken one of his hands and was now stroking his hair. He then leaned over to his ear and whispered, “Shhhh…shhhh, eaaasy there. Everything’s alright now, Lou. We're good now. You’re good now…”
Despite its odd nature, the act was incredibly calming to Louis, as he felt his whole body ease up. He closed his eyes and allowed Ambrose to continue stroking his strands.
“Feeling better?” Louis nodded slightly, to which Ambrose chuckled, “Still a little worried, hmm? Here,” He then moved his hand down and began to scratch behind Louis’s ear.
The spark of pleasure immediately sent shockwaves across his body. Louis tried to say something, but no words came to mind. All he could do is lower his head and push it back into Ambrose’s chest, letting out a large sigh.
“There, much better.” Ambrose said, placing his hand under Louis’s chin, lifting his head.
Louis looked at him with unfocused eyes, “Oh yeaaa…” He moaned before coming back to his senses, “Uh-I mean, yeah. Thanks for that, I guess.”
Ambrose smiled before stepping back, “So, now that we’re free from all of that shit last night, anything in particular you’d like to do today since I got the day off?”
“That’s right, you said today’s an off day,” Ambrose nodded, “Huh…well, there is…something I would like to do.”
Ambrose raised an eyebrow, “And that would be?”
“Well, you remember that thing you said last night? About going on a long drive wherever? I'd like to do that, if you don’t mind.”
Ambrose perked up after hearing that. He grabbed his keys and motioned towards the door, “Go get ready, I know exactly where we're going. I think you’re gonna like it.”
Streaks of the sun shined bright across the golden feathered phoenix as it soared past asphalt and burnt rubber. Booming bellows deep within the chicken's gullet roared out into the world, making its presence known to all who dared pass by. If those in front had not all already cleared a path, they would learn soon enough the error in their judgment.
Not that there were many opposing to begin with, as they ditched the hustle and bustle of the smog-soaked city in favor of the countryside. Those beautiful rolling hills that seemed to escape the overbearing chokehold of the cityscape. However, this also meant it didn’t get the same daily services, as the streets showed signs of wear and tear, not being repaved for what seemed to be years. Mother Nature creeping out of the cracks as it slowly but surely took back what was rightfully hers. Not that the two of them minded, they had a soft spot for older things.
“Ahhhh, this is the life, man. This, right here,” Louis leaned back in the seat, grinning as he gazed out the window, “No worries, no responsibilities, no negativity. Just you, and wherever the open road takes you.”
“See? Told you this would be a good idea.” Ambrose said, one hand on the wheel, another with a cigarette. He took a long drag before puffing it out the window, mixing with the dust as they drove on.
“Yeah, I can definitely see why enjoy this…even if it is to get away from you know who.” Louis giggled to himself.
“Uh-huh, after dealing with you daily, coming out here really helps me mellow out.” Ambrose chuckled.
“Ugh, you just HAD to say that, didn’t you?” Louis groaned, propping his head on his arm, “Man, the less I think about all that shit, the better.” Just the slight mention of it was enough to send chills down his body.
Except those chills were much colder than he expected, it was like getting hit by the winds of winter, “Damn Amby, you turn up the AC or something? I’m freezing over here.” He looked down to check and see if there was something wrong with his shirt.
Only to find he was no longer wearing a shirt. Or pants. Or any other article of clothing. He was now completely naked.
He didn’t really know how to process this new problem, so he slowly turned to face his friend, “Ambrose?”
“Yeah?” Ambrose casually looked over.
“Uh, where are my clothes?”
“Clothes? What are you talking about?” Ambrose peered over his aviators, “You’re wearing them right now.”
Louis jumped in surprise, “What?” He exclaimed.
Ambrose shook his head and smiled, “Louis, you’re wearing clothes, it’s your birthday suit, remember? You wear that thing nearly every day, only time I see you in something more is for some kind of occasion.”
“What? Ambrose, this isn’t a joke, man, I’m fucking nake-“ He was lifted off his seat as the car went over a massive bump before coming down and continuing to rumble. He looked back out the window to see that they were now driving on those rolling hills, “Ambrose! What the fuck are you doing?”
“What? I told you I’m taking you somewhere I think you’d like, so that’s what I’m doing.”
Louis panicked, hearing pops and pings of rocks bouncing off the panels, “You’re gonna dent the fucking car!”
“Just take it easy, Lou. We’re nearly there,” Ambrose said calmly, “Want another scratch?”
Louis was beginning to fidget with his seatbelt, “No! I don’t want you scratch my fucking ears, I want you to fucking STOP!”
The car came to a screeching halt, dust billowing up all around them in a brown cloud. He finally managed to free himself, flustered and angry at Ambrose, “The hell is going on here, you psycho?” He turned back to his infuriating friend, only to find he had vanished from the driver seat. He was about to call out for him, but heard the click of the handle as his door opened. He turned to face, “Ambrose? What the-weren’t you just-“
“Relax, we’re here.” Ambrose said, smiling.
For some reason, Louis decided he should get out and inspect what this oh-so-special location was. As he felt the cool grass underneath his feet, he looked around, wide-eyed at the whole world around him.
Nothing. Not a thing. Just a large barren field of grass, partially populated by a few trees here and there. The wind would bend the blades every now and then, occasionally shaking the branches and blowing leaves. But other than that, the only thing Louis could find here was a huge serving of humiliation.
“This is it? A field?” Louis said, covering his chest with one hand and his private parts with another.
“Yup,” Ambrose puffed on his cigarette, “Wonderful, isn’t it? A nice little piece of land, all the lush, succulent grass. The cool, calming breeze. I think it’s just perfect, what about you?”
“Yeah, it's fine. Can I have my pants back, please?”
Ambrose chuckled, “You don’t need something as silly as pants. How are you supposed to trot properly with those choking your hindquarters?” Louis’s eyes grew wide with confusion as his breathing quickened, “You look real tense, Lou. You sure you don’t want another scratch?”
Louis smacked his hand away and backed away from him quickly, “What the hell's gotten into you? Stop treating me like a fucking pony! What happened last night is over, this isn’t funny!”
“Are you kidding me? This is hilarious!” Ambrose began to laugh uncontrollably, keeling over on the car as his amusement continued to ring out.
Louis’s face became beet red, pawing the ground with a foot, “Fuck you, Ambrose! I can’t believe you would do something like this!”
Ambrose didn’t answer; he only continued to laugh, his voice echoed all around Louis, bouncing inside his skull. But something was weird about the way Ambrose laughed. Usually, it was a low, booming hardy laugh. But this time, it sounded like he was gargling marbles. Louis was about to ask him if he was alright, when he saw small spittle of red spew from his mouth. Blood.
Ambrose looked at him, streams of red falling from his mouth, “Oh man, it’s just guh-everything…pfff-it’s so FUNNY!” Ambrose threw his head back, laughing even harder. Because of this, blood began shooting out of his mouth like a giant human geyser. It completely soaked his face, his clothes, and the ground around him. Before long, he was standing in a puddle of his own blood as he wiped his hands down his face and onto his clothes.
Louis wanted to say something, to do something, anything! He had to get out of here as soon as possible! But it was getting harder…harder to move on his legs. Louis rubbed his eyes, just to make completely sure he wasn’t just seeing things.
Turns out he was seeing things, because in a split second the blood on Ambrose had turned into gasoline.
“What the fuck!”
After Louis’s outburst, Ambrose burst into flames, completely engulfing his whole body; Crackling as he continued cackling. His skin began to boil, giant bubbles bursting all down his arms and face. His eyes began to melt, slithering down his face like runny yolk. Eventually, vast chunks of his body began to fall into a big, bloody, burned pile.
Amid this quite unsettling scene, Louis was able to notice something very strange. Apart from Ambrose burning to death in front of him. Some kind of being continued to circle its way around Ambrose, reflecting off the flames as they grew higher and higher.
The wind suddenly picked up, causing the fire to swirl around Ambrose, forming the silhouette of two massive wings. More body parts became apparent as more fire whipped around him, eventually taking to the sky in one ferocious fireball.
There before Louis, was a very familiar phoenix.
And when the fire finally ceased spinning, in place of Ambrose was a very familiar pegasus.
Louis turned to run away, only for his foot to slip causing him to fall over. Luckily he managed to catch himself with his hands, landing on the ground with a hard clop. Louis looked down to see he no longer had hands. He had hooves.
“No…”
The fiery phoenix screeched as it flew towards the pegasus, absorbing and burning itself onto its flank. Here was where it finally managed to collect itself, “Heh, don’t you find it funny, Vanilla?”
“NO!” Louis fell over and began to crawl backwards.
The pegasus gleefully giggled to itself, “Aww, what’s the matter? I really think you outta mellow out!” It’s eyes rolled back into its head, as loud cracks signaled the whole head to open up. It split into 4 mandibles, which were hiding a pit of never ending, spinning rows of saw-like teeth.
Louis began booking it as fast he could, galloping at top speed. The demon gave a demonic howl before unfolding its wings and taking to the sky. Each beat gave off the whirring sound of helicopter blades, police helicopters.
Louis continued to run as fast as he could, looking for any kind of cover. A hiding place, an escape. No, this is precisely why the demon chose this place. He was entirely out in the open, the easiest thing to spot in the entire field. Those trees were there to laugh at him, to give him the illusion of safety. There was no escape.
But he still continued to run, sprinting faster than he ever had in his entire life. He eventually turned face to see how close the demon was to him when the blinding glare of the sun suddenly disappeared. He turned around to see he had run headfirst into a forest. A familiar forest.
Now was his chance to get away, an opening! No bush this time, he remembered how that one played out last time. Instead, he decided to take cover behind the giant trunk of a tree. Was it obvious? Yes, but it could work. He made himself as small as possible next to the trunk. Placing a hoof over his muzzle, muting any mummers of fear that may leak out.
The beat of the blades seemed to circle around him at first, making the rounds as it tirelessly called out, “Oh Vanilla? Where are you, Vanilla Fudge?” That name. That fucking name the Twilight horse gave to him, a joke at his expense. At everything that had occurred to him that night.
Eventually, the sounds of the blades soon faded away, leaving Louis alone with the forest. He let out a sigh of relief, “Jesus, that was a close one. Fucker almost had me for a second there…”
…Right? Who knows what kind of creatures lie in wait out here, heh heh…
Louis’s heart nearly stopped, he recognized those voices.
He saw two pairs of purple eyes inch closer and closer from the darkness of the tree line. “Fuck you!” Louis yelled, running towards an opening in the trees and down another path. However, it was there that he was met with the same eyes, the same voices, the same maniacal laughter. It never stopped; another direction, another dead end. It wasn’t long until he was surrounded by hundreds, if not thousands of Twilights and Starlights. He sat, frozen in fear, frozen in thought, watching as the mares clambered over each other to get to him.
However, one path the demons didn’t block was a single hole in their impenetrable wall. The trail was pitch black, no light falling on it whatsoever. Louis took his chance, speeding past his pony pursuers and into the darkness.
He watched as the visage of the forest quickly became a speck of light in the sea of darkness. “A-ha! How do you like that, you demented freaks!” He cheered, sticking his tongue out like a child.
And much like children’s cartoons, you don’t announce victory until it's entirely over, or you will be punished severely for your false proclamations. Louis was no exception to the rule, as he collided and bounced off something in the black. He quickly got back up and started feeling around the void, only to touch a large, smooth surface where he ran his hoof in front of him: a wall.
He gave it a tap, to which it sounded off in a strange tone, almost like glass, “The fuck is this?” He muttered to himself.
Only to hear another cackle cast into the air once more.
“Who’s there? Show yourself!” He exclaimed, prepared for an ambush. It was getting harder to focus though, all this running and hiding had him running on fumes at this point, sweating profusely thanks to his ridiculously long mane. The weight of his fur was becoming intolerable, limiting his movements to near slow motion. But it wasn’t just him; in fact, it felt like everything else around him was becoming exceptionally hot.
The sky began to glow, taking on a dull, orange haze as it lit the world around him. But as the glow began to grow, so too did the heat. It felt like his whole body would combust at any second!
Now the colors of the sky made their true intentions known, as they bent and twisted into coils patterns, snaking across the sky as bright orange tubes. Louis looked down to the ground, noticing now it had reformed itself from that of grass to a solid metal…a rack. He now knew what those tubes in the sky were…they were elements, but of a different kind—baking elements. The wall blocking his path was actually a door, with a huge glass panel used to look inside. Other bits and pieces fell into place; a lightbulb…a fan on the wall…another tray beneath the level he was standing on.
He was inside an oven. An oven that was cooking.
He panicked and pounded on the glass, “H-Help! Someone, anyone! Get me out of here!” He hoped to hear any kind of crack, to smash this see-through door that would seal him to his smoldering fate.
“…Oh poor, poor Vanilla…so nervous, so paranoid…”
The glass was filled with an evil, golden glow. Louis jumped back in shock, feeling his back begin to burn on the hot metal. The light took form, morphing into the massive eyes of the demon pegasus as it peered through the glass.
“Stop….please!” Louis cried out, finding it harder to form sentences under the stress.
The demon didn’t care, only continuing to take immense pleasure in his plight. It snickered as it playfully tapped the glass, “What’s the issue, Vanilla? I thought you liked getting BAKED?” It roared a sinister snicker as Louis heard the sound of something clicking, turning. It turned the knob on the oven, turning up the heat.
“DON’T!” Louis screamed, steams of tears staining his face. He started to feel dizzy as the distortion from the heat became more potent by the second.
The demon sighed with satisfaction before walking away, leaving him alone. Waiting for him to bake to a crisp.
Louis attempted to stand, to scurry to a corner of the oven where he wasn’t getting blasted by the white-hot coils. Yet he couldn’t move his limbs; they all felt numb and limp. His whole body was slowly sinking as he was pushed downwards into the rack. He managed to crank his head forward to see why he couldn’t move his arms or legs.
Because he no longer had them…they had melted off.
Drops of cream dripped like blood from the stumps. The fur on his chest began to liquify, and the colors began to swirl together. His innards slithered and slid inside of his body, molding into one shapeless blob of pastry. He could feel his facial structure slowly fall apart, eyesight becoming unfocused and his gums gluing together. Unfortunate, as all he wanted to do was scream. Scream for the pain, scream for someone to help, scream for himself.
His body split apart completely, falling in between the holes of the rack, melting and dripping as each part of him fall to the bottom tray with a wet smack. Many body parts had begun to burn, causing flames to flicker all throughout the oven. The only thing left with any form was his head, which was dissolving as the metal dug into the back of his head, disintegrating his brain and burning his thoughts with one word. His final sendoff.
...Louis...
...Louis...
...Louis!
He jumped up with a huge gasp of air, hacking as he held onto his throat. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably as he tried to smother the fires on him. In the midst of a complete psychological breakdown, he felt two limbs grab hold of him.
"Hey! Louis relax, you're screaming like a fucking maniac!"
Louis stopped squirming; panting and looking around frantically. The room around him was almost completely black, "What the-Ambrose is that you?"
"Yes it's me, calm down. You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep thrashing like that. The sheets wrapped around your neck for a second, you scared the shit out of me!" Ambrose's voice said, attempting to ease him.
"What? But the hills, t-the forest-the oven!"
"Chill Lou, chill. It's ok, you're not in the forest...or an oven." The voice said, slightly confused at that last bit.
That's when it finally dawned on him. There were no fires. There was no oven. It was a nightmare.
"Thank-fucking-god, it was just a dream, it was all a dream!" Louis cheered, holding onto his chest as his as his heart slowed down. His hand still felt a bit numb...he must've slept on it throughout the night.
"Uh...well..." Ambrose was cut off by the sound of doors opening.
Louis felt one of his ears twitch, so he turned his head to see what was going on.
Standing at the open doors was a small, lizard looking figure holding a candle.
"What's going on here? You two are keeping us all up with your yelling!" It said in an annoyed tone.
Then another figure appeared behind them, one with a distinct hue.
"It sounded like you were getting attacked or something, is everything alright?" Twilight asked softly.
Louis's blood ran cold, What is she doing here? This was all supposed to be gone by now!
"Oh-uh...no, everything's fine. It's just a bit erm...warm in here, that's all."
"Seriously?" The lizard said, raising an eyebrow.
"Spike!" Twilight chastised, to which the lizard cowered slightly, "I'm really sorry about that, I'll see if I can sort that out tomorrow, if that's alright with you?"
"...Yeah, that's fine. Goodnight Twilight and uh...Spike." Louis said quietly.
Twilight gave a tired smile, "Goodnight to you too, Vanilla."
Spike gave a big yawn as he crawled onto Twilight's back, "Yeah...night..." He mumbled, as the doors slowly closed with a click.
Louis stared in complete shock as Ambrose sat up next to him.
Louis remained still, gazing at the door which once occupied the purple duo of two talking creatures, both of which weren’t even supposed to exist, let alone speak. No blinking, no breathing, nothing. He’d done his best to reassure himself that this was all a misinterpretation. That somehow, someway, this ridiculous series of situations was nothing more than the illusion of an overactive imagination. Neurons that’d been taken hostage by those seductive sweets, using as transport to infiltrate his mind and play jokes with his perception. Absolutely convinced he was never really there.
But he was. He was definitely there, sitting up in sheets of silk as the walls of a crystal colossus towered around his small stature. It was all…all…
“…Real…” Mumbled from his muzzle, more a question to the reality which they were eternally encased, a final confirmation to his consciousness. Unfortunately for him, it was also the answer.
Ambrose shook him slightly, “Louis...”
To which he tried, slowly shifting his sight over to him as he continued to squeak, “…Real…real…real…”
“Please, focus.”
He tried even harder to single in on the point of interest. The most important thing right then and there, “We’re ponies.” He inched closer to Ambrose, “We’re…we’re ponies. We’re talking ponies,” He slowly brought his arms to his forehead, feeling the spiraling sensitive spearing shooting out of his skull, “H-h-horn…I have a…” He realized something else, bringing his limbs down to his face, “These are…hooves, I have hooves.” He felt his whole body begin to shiver.
Ambrose waved an arm in his face, trying his absolute best to keep him under control, “Lou, I need you to breathe.” Louis began to breathe. Quickly. Very quickly, as he eventually descended into a fit of hyperventilation. Ambrose groaned, “Not like that.”
But Louis needed the extra oxygen, for it was the only thing keeping his mind alert, looking here and there for some kind of explanation to pop out. Even the most unimaginable answer would do for now, no matter the implications. He could feel his guts bump and grind, emitting awful pings of nausea clambering up his esophagus. There was one explanation that seemed the most sensible out of an entire night’s lapse of reason.
They were dead, overdosing overnight. He’d somehow managed to check them both out of the motel of morality with a sheet of barely burnt brownies. Which meant he might’ve actually done all those terrible things to himself in a fit of blind psychotic panic, gouging out his eyes and flaying the rest of his face into a stringy, fleshy goop. And not only that, he now had a body count to his name in the form of two battered, bloated corpses of two men who used to call themselves friends.
So what was this then? His punishment for having acted like a child wanting his way with the night? To now live in a world of pastel plastic ponies, becoming a mindless plaything focused on frou-frou frills and being crammed into tiny dollhouses waiting for his next playdate? A stupid slave, now at the whim of some other cosmic being's greater plan. Forced to live out the fantasies of a little girl with an extraordinary affection for equines. No! He could see them now; the events were all starting to unfold, unwinding his brain; the tea parties of terror! The dreamy romances of doom!
Only to get tossed aside into a bin of forgotten memories as a better toy piques her interest, a better pony. He just wasn’t good enough for her! Was it the hair she didn’t like? Well fuck her, he could do with it whatever he wanted! She thought she could brush him into submission? You can’t hold a candle to this majestic mane!
Wait-what was he thinking? It was gaining control of his brain! This is it, the part where he slips away entirely as the new personality takes over, left to scream within the subconscious. No, this can’t be. It just can’t BE!
Ambrose sat and watch as Louis was in a fruitless struggle with…himself. Eyes twitching, shoulders spasming as he frantically looked all over the place, even mimicking a brushing motion at some point. Louis was losing it and would be lost entirely if he didn’t get him on the right track soon. Once more, he calmly addressed the lunatic next to him, “C’mon, get a grip!”
Louis froze once more, his body stopping at least. His face, however, was still fidgeting. Mushing and morphing as a line of massive whites spread across his face, nearly splitting it in two. He started to giggle a cutesy type laugh, snorts and all as he looked at him. Ambrose knew right then and there Louis’s brain was no longer in control. That monster he feared long ago when this all started wasn’t waiting at the couch. It was here.
Ambrose tried to shuffle back slightly, only to get quickly pulled muzzle to muzzle with the monster before him. His vision was obscured by giant porcelain pupils, mirrors reflecting his current reality, as the silhouette of two mares stared back at him. Louis laughed once more, a high-pitched bubbly laugh that pierced his ears, causing them to flatten.
“He-he-he, how can I get a grip silly? I don’t have fingers-I have hooves!” He brought them to his face, slowly rubbing his cheeks in a trance, “I got hooves, haha! I got petite little hooves for a petite little pony! How am I supposed to grip something with these? Oh, I know! I’ll use my horn, duh! I’m a magical talking unicorn!” He squished his face, blowing a raspberry with his tongue. He was about to start spouting off another spiel of insanity when he suddenly found his face smacked with something. Something fast and feathery.
“Enough!” Ambrose boomed, managing to drop down to his old tone, “I've absolutely had it with you spazzing out on me! Ramble one more fucking time, and I’ll do us both a favor and put you down myself!” He extended his wing again, ready for another strike if need be.
But it wasn’t necessary, as Louis’s eyes became focused again as he came back into control, “…Right, got it…ow…” He groaned as he began nursing the stringing from the smack, “But-just…how can you be so calm right now? About all of this? About you?” Louis blushed slightly, “I mean look at you, man, you’re not even a man right now. You’re a mare…”
Ambrose snorted, “You don’t think any of this concerns me at all, not even the slightest? Of course I’m fucking freaked out! Who the hell wouldn’t be? Waking up and realizing you’re a different species-a different gender, on another fucking planet!” Louis was starting to shake again, so Ambrose quickly chirped, “I could scream, rant, thrash about in a mad frenzy all I want, just like you did. But I’m not, because you know what that got you?”
“Uhh…a smack to the face?” Louis answered unsurely.
Ambrose facepalmed, “Technically...so what didn’t it get you?”
Louis glanced to the side for a second, muzzle scrunched in thought.
“Away from here, that’s what,” Ambrose answered, “We’re still in this bed, this room, this castle. I don’t think there’s any reasonable way to explain what the fuck happened to us, and any attempt you’re making is just plunging you further into a paranoid wreck.”
Louis scowled slightly. He’s really gonna lecture him about keeping a cool head after what happened at the house? When Louis found him flailing all over the place as the house fell apart? “Alright then, Mr. Stoic, what do you suggest we do then?”
Ambrose sat for a moment, flickers of drowsiness and annoyance filling his eyes as he looked to the giant window. Streaks of the moonlight seeped through space in between the curtains.
Judging from the intensity of rays that radiated in the room, he could tell it was full to the brim. The type of shine that only appears when in perfect synergy with its sunny counterpart, working side by side to create nights so bright that headlights weren’t necessary. Ambrose often found himself on the road these types of nights, when ill-stricken spouts of insomnia drove him behind the wheel. Windows down as the cool summer air whipped by him, leaving him only with his thoughts as he silently sped along. Racing the giant rock as it scrapped along the mountain tops.
He didn’t really know what to make of the thoughts that arose from those travels. All he knew is that they seemed to crumble away when a congested city became his new home.
“Well?”
“…We play along.”
Louis's eyes widened in shock, “Seriously? Just like that, you’re gonna give up?”
“Did I say give up? No, those weren’t the words that came out of my mouth. Because that’s not what we’re gonna do. We need to feel these ponies out first, figure out their deal until we come up with a real plan.” Ambrose said.
Louis propped his head up with his hooves, “Shit…I don’t have any better ideas. I was gonna say we creep out of here and break for the woods, man. Maybe whatever sent us here might send us back.”
Ambrose shook his head, “I’m not going back there-not now, at least. We haven’t got the first clue on where to start, and those two unicorns seemed pretty spooked about whatever’s creeping around those woods.”
“You don’t think they were trying to lie to you?” Louis asked, “You were able to craft one pretty quick. I can’t imagine they wouldn’t try the same.”
“It's possible,” Ambrose laid back down, “But if they were, it had some pretty comfortable consequences.”
Louis gulped, “…Play…along..." He had the feeling this game of charades would be going for quite a while, “…I think I can manage that, yeah.” He nodded to himself in confirmation.
“Good…” Ambrose muttered before rolling over, "...Now let me actually try and get some sleep this time, will you?"
Louis sat there for a bit, the room going silent, “Wait, Ambrose,” Ambrose grunted in acknowledgment, “Thanks for…calming me down, I really needed that.”
Ambrose smiles slightly, “Don’t mention it, Lou,” He rolls back over, “Besides, smacking you was a real stress reliever in itself.” He chuckled softly before cozying up with a pillow.
Louis rolls his eyes with a smile, “Asshole.” before falling back down on the bed.
Mornings were often a mystery to Louis. He never truly knew just what would be awaiting him when the Sun made its presence known. More often than not it was a bittersweet sunrise, as he would often find himself looking down the tubes, reading whatever irritatingly evil news that was to unravel that day. The kind of stuff that made cracking eggs and bubbling coffee sound like an act of protest; the gall to simply focus on the minuscule as these catastrophes were injected into your eyeballs. It was a reliable routine that started most of his days.
Today was not going to be one of those days.
He still found eyes scanning across morning messages, but this time they were addressed to him. A little note left on the dresser, written in a hand attempting to make amends. Or should he say hoof. Twilight or Starlight, depending on which one of them was reading, had invited them both to breakfast in their dining hall, giving the usual directions of down X amount of halls and Y amount of doors. Whatever, that part wasn’t significant to him.
What concerned him more was the fact he could read the note to begin with.
It certainly wasn’t any language he’d ever come across, and that pool was already pretty shallow. He could make out familiar silhouettes, as some symbols formed a D or E, but everything else was just plain gibberish. Almost as if it were written by someone who didn’t have hands to hold a pen.
But his brain immediately acted as a translator, warping the writing into words he could understand. It made him feel like he saw double, a strange disconnect he could never wholly shrug off.
Come to think of it, the way they spoke to him was a bit weird as well. It sounded like English, looked like English, but Louis could never get the sound of whinnies and neighs out of the back of his head.
Ever since he became aware of the reality of his situation, that awareness extended towards everything else! The hard nails of his hooves pressing down on the ground, as the audible clops echoed out around the crystal surrounding him. How his muscles flexed with his new awkward anatomy, his spine twitching with his tail and the horn sprouting from his skull. The feeling of the gentle breezes whistling through the whiskers that completely coated his body, follicles of fur rubbing against the massive mane that sprouted from his neck. Even the little hairs that covered his muzzle as each exhale would tickle them slightly.
He tried to ignore it best he could, but it was useless. This was all too much, too alien! He felt like a fucking animal…considering he was one now.
No, stop that! He thought to himself as the two of them walked through the castle, No more panicking, no more screaming! You can handle this. If Ambrose can buck up and deal with it, so can you! …It took him a second to realize what he just thought, …I hope…
They continued to walk until they came across a set of doors, slightly ajar with murmurs of conversation creeping out. I guess this is it, Louis thought. He looked to Ambrose, who in turn gave him a nod. Louis puffed his chest out, putting on a mask of confidence as he poked his head into the room.
As he suspected, the occupants were Twilight, Starlight, and Spike, gathered around a table surrounded by giant, crystal chairs.
But this wasn’t a dining room, and those weren’t regular chairs. They were thrones. And the table was that of a country's crystal formation, with spires shooting up to resemble mountains, islands, skyscrapers? Whatever this thing was, the three of them were definitely fixated on it. Probably having to do with the fact the marks on their flanks were hovering above one of the structures, bringing about mutterings between the mares.
“…At least we don’t have to go far, we’re already here…”
“…But why though? Is somepony in the library needing help? Maybe they’re having a dispute over who’s the superior author, or if the sequels are better than the original,” Twilight gasped with excitement, “Or maybe they’re trying to get their friend into reading! Yes, now this is a friendship problem I can get behind-”
She was cut off as Spike put a claw over her mouth, “…I have a feeling it has something to do with our new guests, Twilight…”
She sighed, “…Good point…”
“Uh, should we say something?” Louis whispered, looking up as Ambrose had his head above him.
“Sure?” Ambrose said, “If it’s something dealing with us, I think we have the right to know.”
Louis agreed, “Right then. Remember, I’m Vanilla, you’re Mellow…apparently.” Ambrose shrugged and nodded. Louis slid the rest of his body through the door as he began walking towards them, Well, here goes nothing, “Hey guys!”
“Ah!” All three yelled in shock as they quickly teleported to the other side of the table, putting some kind of cover between them, “Oh-uh, hi there, Vanilla.” Twilight said, slightly embarrassed.
“Oops, didn’t mean to spook you.” Louis said, rubbing an arm with a hoof.
“Well, it doesn’t hurt to knock, y’know?” Spike sniped, picking himself off the ground.
Louis felt his ears flatten, “Sorry, thought the hoof steps would’ve been enough to hear me,” He then turned his attention towards the table, to which the symbols continued to spin around their target. A castle, “So what’s all this then? Heard you guys mention us.” He turned to Ambrose, who walked in after him.
“Yeah, there’s no problem here, is there?" Ambrose said, slowly looking around. He noticed that the thrones had images carved into them, one of them being the mark on Twilight’s flank.
“Oh no, nothing’s wrong here-unless you guys are having issues, y’know? Like any friendship related issues of the sort?” Starlight said.
The two looked at each other confused, “No? I don’t think we have any...friendship issues…” Ambrose said, taken aback slightly by the very specific question, “What about you…Vanilla?” The two mares turned to Louis.
His muzzle scrunched, “I don’t think so either, me and…her…are on pretty good terms.” Causing him to blush slightly, considering he was calling Ambrose a female.
“Oh…” Twilight said, eyes widening a bit, “Well…alright then, if you say so…”
“We were just taking up that offer from the note you left, about breakfast?”
“Oh, right-of course!” Twilight exclaimed, “We just figured we’d give you a nice, warm welcome to Ponyville after that terrible night in the Everfree…”
“…A sort of-sorry we thought you were some evil monster trying to attack us and acted as such-type welcoming.” Starlight added nervously, causing Spike to facepalm.
“Well, that’s pretty nice of you, I guess...” Louis answered, hoping he was saying the right things.
“We can get started on that,” Twilight said cheerfully, “and then after, we can give you a quick tour around Ponyville. I know how daunting it can be to move somewhere completely new, so why don't we help you two get settled?”
Do we really have a choice? Louis thought to himself, “Sure, thanks. We didn’t really bring much with us here, so it’d be a big help.” On cue, Louis’s stomach rumbled loudly, agreeing with his decisions.
“Well, I hope you at least brought a good appetite.” Twilight said with a giggle.
And with that, the two mares lead the whole group towards the dining room, engulfing them further into this world.
When you say you live in a crystal castle, it’s a given that rooms of necessity would be just as garish as they are ginormous, to which this was no exception.
The dining hall seemed to stretch forever, ceiling scrapping the sky like treetops. Rainbow regalia hung from the rafters; bells, banners, and bows accented the wall's abstract root patterns coiling around every corner. Though the table itself was surprisingly tiny, at least compared to the rest of the room. A circle gilded in gold, accompanying silverware engraved by the steadiest hand. Plush chairs with comfy cushions circled the table, so soft it was as if you were sitting on a cloud.
Louis found it all needlessly flashy, as if his house’s commodities couldn’t accommodate a country's commander. Then again, he wasn’t too familiar with the tastes of pony princesses.
Ambrose could care less about the room they’d been swiftly shuffled to. It was with who did the shuffling his concerns lie—that…and a certain somebody prone to panicking outburst at the sight of the strange.
The duo’s internal contemplations didn’t appear to reach their complexions, as the other three trekked around the room passively preparing plates and cups for the group.
“Can’t remember the last time we had somepony new eating with us here. Usually, it’s just our friends coming over for a bite. Are you two comfortable, anything you need?” Twilight asked with a smile.
They both looked around, feeling their haunches slowly sink into the seats. Ambrose cleared his throat, “We’ve never really been…ponies of expensive tastes, so this is certainly a change in scenery,” …And for the fact I can’t truly get comfortable around you three… “But it’s your place, Twilight. You don’t need to go tweaking it completely because of us.”
“Yeah, and you’ve already done plenty with offering us a room and stuff,” Louis said, leaning in as his mane went all over the table, “You’ve been better hosts than we could ever ask for.” …Please be happy please be happy please be hap-
“Oh, that makes me very happy to hear.” Twilight said brightly.
…Whew.
“Excuse me…” Starlight couldn’t say the same as Louis’s mane had filled up her plate, to which she quickly levitated to the back of his neck.
“Oh, whoops I-uh…keep forgetting how long this thing is.” He said, tracing its length with his hooves, "Like a great serpent, man...ride the snake..."
“Does that mane even know what a pair of clippers looks like?” Starlight joked, blowing off strands from her plate.
“Nope,” Louis smirked, “And you’ll give no such introduction, I find them to be a rather negative influence.”
“Oh yeah?” Starlight said, leaning in close to him, “Well, I think I know a few manestyles that would suite you, equalparts stylish and functional…” She finished with a playfully sinister giggle.
Ambrose could feel his body tense up as the two of them continued.
“And what if I say no, Starlight?” Cocking his head, getting eye-to-eye, "What if I was to say I don't like your manestyles, or you for that matter, and I took those clippers and shove them where the sun don't shine?" He propped his head up on his hooves with a smile, "How'd you respond to that, hmm?"
“I’ve come across many stallions like you, Vanilla,” Starlight said slyly, her horn lighting with an evil glint in her eye, “And I assure you, I can be very…persuasive…”
“Really? That’s the comeback you’re going with?” They turned to see Spike with an amused expression.
“What? I was only kidding, you know that,” Starlight waved a hoof. Louis’s face scrunched in confusion, “It’s a…long story.” She finished with an uneasy chuckle.
Twilight’s horn was lit as she was busy going through a rotisserie of recipe books. Flicking through pages at light speed, looking for something specific, “…No…no…a-ha! Here it is!” She said triumphantly, as a book was thrust into the air, “It’s the new book Pinkie gave me. She said it has this absolutely amazing pancake recipe! Why don't we give it a try?”
Can horses even eat those? Ambrose relaxed and shrugged, “Why not? Can’t go wrong with pancakes.”
Louis sat up, “Hey, I can help out with that if you’d like. I’m pretty familiar with the whole world of baking, y’know? Breakfast being on the top of that list.” He said with confidence…And because I would like a familiar set of hands making what I eat today…
Twilight smiled and shook her head, “I appreciate it, but I think me and Spike can handle this one for today. Maybe another time you can give it a whirl,” Spike gave her a confused look, “It’s this new baking technique I’ve wanted to try out. I’ll need you for this one.” His vision seemed to stretch a thousand yards as he jumped from the table and shambled his way to the kitchen.
Louis felt some color leave his face. What's she scheming? “Well, if you say so Twilight, I’m sure they’re gonna be absolutely delicious!” He responded with a smile.
He must’ve inflated her already enormous ego, as she quickly lifted into the sky, “In the meantime, you’ll just have a tolerate each other’s company, considering you two were at each other’s throats the second you sat down.” She giggled as Louis and Starlight looked away sheepishly.
“Yeah, by the time you get back, this whole place will be a smoldering wreck.” Ambrose joked, causing a slight shiver to run down Louis’s spine.
Matter of fact, second thoughts were already appearing in the aftermath of his verbal clash with Starlight. Hopefully Twilight didn’t take that shove it where the sun don’t shine quip too seriously, lest he find himself the victim of his very threat.
Twilight swiftly flew to the kitchen leaving the trio alone, accompanied by the awkward presence of dead air. As their comfort started to slowly rot away, Starlight sprang into action employing conversation as CPR.
“So...how do you guys feel about…tea?” She asked, a kettle magically appearing in her aura.
Louis scratched his chin, “We’re more connoisseurs of coffee ourselves, but I do enjoy a cup of boiled leaves from time to time.” He held his cup in between his hooves as she poured the kettle.
Ambrose noticed that the cups had handles for some odd reason; why would a species with hooves need an add-on to grip on? With that thought, he felt one of his wings ruffle. Oh, now I get it. Using a larger feather as an index finger, he lifted it in a surprisingly stable grip as Starlight filled his cup.
“Ahhh…” Louis exhaled with satisfaction, feeling the warm currents cascade through his system, as well as a little dribble running down his chin, “A nice way to start the morning, thanks Starlight.”
“Aww, you're welcome Vanilla,” Starlight said, her own sun shining in a radiant smile. Or maybe it was a light bulb, since an idea seemed to spark, “Oh! Speaking of starting things, since you guys are thinking about moving here, where did you...y’know, start? We all have to from somewhere.”
…Oh.
Louis wondered if he really should tell her. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt? Besides, they more than likely knew what they really were and where they came from, so lying might make it even worse. Shit, could they detect lies with those horns? Could he?
“Well, uh…” Give her an inch, see if she takes a mile, “The both of us are from...Colterado, originally…” Louis’s mind recoiled. What the fuck? Back up, redo that-
“Ooo Colterado, that sounds fun! I hear from friends the ski seasons are incredible when in full swing, Double Diamond goes on and on about it.”
That’s his name? “Heh, he sounds like the kind of guy to be a fanatic in that field. But yeah, they’re usually pretty exciting.” Ambrose replied.
“Easy for you to say, navigating the slopes is simple for you. I got four left hooves, man.” Louis grumbled.
“That’s because you never listen to me. You always lean back too much, and then you overcorrect and fall on your face. And you never turn! You just pizza down the entire time, moguls and everything!” Ambrose said, causing Starlight to stifle a laugh.
Louis turned to her, “Like I said, four left hooves,” He stuck his tongue out at Ambrose, “When I was there, the thing I appreciated most was the uh-rather lax law enforcement when it came to certain…indulgences, heh heh…” He chuckled as Ambrose rolled his eyes. Starlight cocked an eyebrow but didn’t seem too fazed by the comment.
“But apart from athletic expeditions and recreational uh...day-tripping, that’s about all Colterado had to offer me. At least from where I saw it. The town I was in beforehand was pretty small and unsustainable for the way I’d wanted to live. Amidst all that cold and snow, any signs of success just seemed to slowly freeze over. Not too long until I found myself in the middle of a giant ice cube, and I decided the best way to thaw myself out was lighting a fire under my ass and getting a move on.” Louis finished, taking another sip of his tea.
“Well, you better not get too burnt. Hate to see my favorite pair of buns get all crusty.” The woman sitting across from him giggled, pulling on the collar of her Sherpa she insisted she borrowed.
Louis wiped his hands down his face, leaning back on the old vinyl of the booth. If he wasn’t already crusty, these seats might just do it themselves. Even if this old diner was falling apart at the seams, it was still one of his favorites…as well as hers, so he sucked it up.
What he couldn’t stand was the fact his trusty steed was busy getting smothered by the snow. He grumbled as the white stripes of his Shelby started to expand to the rest of the car, fearing the convertible top crushing under the weight, “It’s not anything too serious I think…well, maybe it is considering the part of moving states. But it’s something I think we outta do.”
“Lay it on me, Lou. What’s your master plan?” She said playfully, twirling strands of her long golden curls.
“There’s nothing really masterful about it, man, just need a change from the gloom. Seeing all those windows getting boarded, stores going belly up one after another, I think it’s time we took our leave and scratch out a living elsewhere.” Louis leaned against the window, feeling its cold surface on his scalp.
“Well, it's the land of opportunity, I suppose…” She said, sipping her drink, “…And it would be cool to finally give the convertible an environment that supports it. I’d guess going to a warmer climate, perhaps somewhere out west?”
“More than likely,” Louis smiled, “We could finally see the coast, check out the beaches and sand and whatnot. Experience a new lively place compared to the rotting one we got here, and all these people-vultures walking around.”
“Don’t be an ass, Lou,” She scolded, “At least you have the chance to get out, majority here couldn’t even if they wanted to.”
Louis's face fell, “You’re right, sorry. It’s just-I don’t know, they can be so-“
“Yes…yes,” She started, shaking her head, “I know that you know that they know they can be very nosey, even if the nose knows it’s perfectly legal here, y’know?”
Louis blinked, “Wanna run that by me one more time?”
“My point is, don’t go acting up on others who don’t have it as good as you. I know how much you hate it when you're on the receiving end,” She started laughing, “Maybe you should get away from people for a while. Oh! How about the countryside? Think about it-walking through the dirt barefoot…looking out over all those rolling hills, those could be our waves! Our beach!” She threw her hands up triumphantly.
Louis smiled, “Heh, you're full of optimism today, aren't you?” She gave a silly nod, “I see…who’s your dealer?”
“I’m looking at him,” She replied softly, before glancing over, “I think that’s our order coming up.”
Sure enough it was, carried by a preppy looking waitress. She set a plate in front of her, “Thank you very much, I love your bangs!”
“Thank you!” The waitress replied happily.
She looked over to Louis, giving him a look of intrigue while tracing a line across her forehead.
“Yeah-no, I don’t think you'd be able to tame those curls enough to pull that off.” Louis said as his plate was laid in front of him.
“What curls?” The waitress asked.
Louis turned to her, nearly bumping headfirst into her muzzle.
He jumped back to see the waitress’s head had morphed into Twilight, bright purples ears perked up from her even brighter mane. Giant eyes glaring with confusion as she tilted her head.
"What the?" Louis quickly blinked, causing the worn out diner to crystalize around him. He was still in the dining hall, all of that was just...did he say all of that? Could they hear him? Could they see?
"You alright, Vanilla?" Ambrose asked, a repressed tone of worry. It was a face he was very familiar with.
Twilight was by Louis's side, flying with a face of concern, "...Oh, think I spaced out for a sec there...sorry about that." He looked down to see a cartoonishly fluffy stack of pancakes, decorated with an assortment of fruits and berries, all evenly spaced apart and color coordinated. Better than anything he'd ever done before.
“Well, that was quite the story,” Starlight said cheerfully, “You guys have sure have moved around a lot, hopefully you can call this place home.” She levitated a fork and knife as she began cutting into the pancakes.
Say something quick, “It’s nothing too special. We all go through stuff like that in our lives, just a drop in the bucket.” Louis said, picking up his own utensils to eat.
“But the way you were describing it was so detailed…so lifelike, I felt like I was really there! I could practically taste the snowflakes on my tongue!” Starlight gave a demonstration with powdered sugar.
"Uh...yeah-thanks. Happy to entertain," Louis said, still slightly dazed from what he'd just experienced. He was suddenly back home with...no, nevermind that. Home is just a hallucination now, this is reality. Just shove a pancake in your face and forget about it.
To which he did, the new set of teeth doing quick work, tearing through the...incredibly delicious pancakes! Must've been that unicorn magic or whatever, but these were the best pancakes he'd had in his entire life! The fruits and berries complimented each other perfectly, working together in tandem with the sugar, all atop a pile of pancakes baked to peak perfection. It was slightly bittersweet for him though, better than anything he’d ever done before.
“Holy shit, these are incredible!” Louis exclaimed ravenously ripping into another piece, flaying through its fluffy innards.
“Thank you, Vanilla! Nice to know it was a success,” Twilight said as she poured herself a drink, “What about you, Mellow? How does your palette take to my culinary experiment?”
Ambrose would’ve answered, if he could've picked up his silverware to do so. What is this? How am I supposed to hold a fork without fucking fingers? He moved them around with his hooves, perhaps pinching them in between, but to no avail. Finally, as they had all turned to him, he sighed in defeat and dove muzzle first into the mound, berries and sugar flying across the tabletop.
Louis would've laughed if he hadn't remembered that Ambrose was forced to do that. Why would they give him utensils like that if they knew full damn well he couldn't use them, was it a joke? Giving him subtle reminders of what he was once capable of, and snickering at the fact he now feasted like a wild animal? Hang on-if they had hooves, then how the hell was he using his?
His eyesight caught the shimmering of a golden aura floating in front of him. Within the aura was...a knife and a fork, to which was skewed a piece of pancake. He'd somehow been mindlessly using his magic to levitate his silverware. No mental preparation needed, and it was holding even after he'd noticed it. Convenient for me I guess, sorry Amby.
To their credit, the mares were playing a mean poker face, concealing their sadistic satisfaction behind the mask of sweet smiles, waiting in eager anticipation of his answer. Ambrose had finally pulled himself away from his food, now sporting a fashionably fruity mustache, "Yeah, they're good." He huffed.
It was here the façade finally broke as the two started giggling, "Well thank you very much, sir." Twilight responded in a masculine impression.
Ambrose felt his face heat up, "Excuse me?"
Defuse, "Hey Mellow, you gotta little uh-something there." Louis said, pointing to his face.
"Where, here?" Ambrose asked, pointing to his cheek. Then his chin. Then to everywhere but where his problem lies.
Oh for fucks sake, "Here, let me." Louis leaned over to wipe the fruit from his face.
Ok, that one...
Leaning in closer...
And this one here...
A little closer...
Honestly, how the hell do you even get fruit up there?
"Umm, Vanilla?"
Louis looked, realizing has practically touching muzzles with Ambrose, his wide eyes looking back. He looked over to see both 'Lights wearing blank stares, and his face went beet red, "There I...got it."
Ambrose's coat was now colored similar, "Thanks for that, good eye." He laughed nervously, his voice cracking higher pitches throughout.
The mares continued to sit silent, giving each other side eyes of surprise. Louis's pupils shrank in panic, "H-Hey Twilight, uh w-where's Spike?"
"Here..." A voice groaned from the edge of the table.
Louis looked over to see a small being completely covered in flour, "Jesus!" He pulled back, "You uh-you good there, man? You're looking a little pale around the...everywhere." He made a circular motion with his hooves.
Spike rolled his eyes, "Very funny, Vanilla," He grunted, "Just be careful next time you want to help out on one of her experiments, pal." He walked off, presumably to clean himself of his powdery coating.
Everyone else turned to Twilight, "Ok, maybe I went a little overboard in testing ingredients." She said sheepishly.
After a swift clean up, the group were now standing before a set of golden doors. Glistening, outlandish, menacing.
Louis could feel shakes all down his spine; this was it, no more cowering in the comfort of his delusions, this was his first step into the outside world. Even with all the time in said world, he could've never prepared himself for this moment...but then again, none of us can. We have no say in the matter, our wants merely whispers to forces whose reasons were far beyond our comprehension...Into this house we're born. Into this world we're thrown...
Ambrose was feeling similar vibes as the ponies slowly made their way forward, smiles in full deployment.
"We got pretty lucky having this tour fall on today, the weather teams had this huge thunderstorm a few days ago. But today, clear sunny skies!" Twilight cheered, unfurling her wings for full dramatic effect.
What does she mean had? "Great, wasn't exactly in the mood to get drenched again." Louis said, fluffing at his mane.
"Thank you very much for all of this, you two," Ambrose said to the pair of mares, "I have no clue where we'd be by now if you hadn't come along."
I do, home. Louis thought to himself.
"You're very much welcome, Mellow," Starlight said happily, "It's feels good to help somepony when they really need it."
And on that note, Twilight's horn shined bright, as she pushed the doors open. The slow, droning groan pieced their ears as their eyesight was engulfed in a blinding light.
As their senses were settling from the assault, squinting and straining, they caught their first glimpse of this new world.
Before them was a small stairway, continuing the theme of golden excess, bright and shiny. What the stairway was planted on was a long winding trail, which snaked itself down to a settlement. A settlement that looked to be crafted of straw and wood, thatched roofs and dirt roads spiraling all around. The architecture of a town was that was at least a few centuries past.
And of course, ponies. Ponies...everywhere.
The two stood there, jaws hanging in shock of what had just been revealed to them.
Twilight sauntered in front of them, giddy with excitement, "Can I do it? Can I?," Starlight giggled and nodded. She cleared her throat, putting on her most regal tone.
"I, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, welcome you to Ponyville!"
The welcome was indeed a warm one, the sun lighting the way as the Light’s led the way. Trotting in tow were their two terrified tourists, observing every twitch of a tail or flick of the ear.
The town certainly lived up to the name of Ponyville, that’s for sure, as the entire townsfolk was some sort of equine. Bustling through the busy streets, all filing into the categories assumed, unicorns and pegasi all melted into one large, mythological mix. Floating odds and ends passed them by, as many ponies shot streaks stretching across the sky. Somehow, normal Earth horses managed to squeak out a purpose in this town, mostly seeing them pull carts and carrying heavier loads. At least that part stayed the same, a working breed doing the tasks that’d been assigned to it hundreds of years ago. The sight was enough to slightly comfort the two.
Slightly.
Even though they were amid civilization, they felt about as safe as they did back in the Everfree. Having all these eyeballs moving around, always on the prowl for a look. Maybe even a few looking at them. Hard not to think this cutesy, colorful exterior was harboring freakish, cosmic horrors far beyond their comprehension. All waiting for that split second, the moment they stepped out of line, and let their true identity be known.
One. Little. Slip.
Well, at least this place had landmarks if the need to flee ever arose, as the group had stopped at a large circular building constructed at the center of town, most likely the town hall.
“Jeez, this place sure looked a lot smaller a couple hours ago.” Ambrose said, sitting on the steps, hearing a whimpered creak from the wood underneath his massive mass.
Twilight giggled, “I know, I felt the same way when I first came here from Canterlot, it was just a speck from my room!”
Louis stretched out his limbs, “Aww man, that’s an awful lot of walking ahead of us.” Let’s make this quick, give us an angle to leave, “Say, why don’t we speed this up a bit? I know! How about you two zap us around to all the important places, and we can all be on our way?” He requested, sweetening it with a toothy smile.
The mares looked at each other and shook their heads. “Sorry guys, but we’re taking the scenic routes today.” This caused the humans to groan. “Oh please, by the time we’re through, you’ll be begging for the backstory of every inch of Ponyville! Which I’m more than happy to provide.” Twilight finished with a confident smirk.
Perhaps where you kept the gallows? “Not every day you find a pony taking walking encyclopedia as a compliment.” Louis snarked, to which she rolled her eyes.
“You sure there’s nothing we can do? By the time we get through every part of Ponyville, the whole day will have passed us by.” Ambrose asked.
“Well, we would like you both to see the whole place so you don’t end up getting lost…” Starlight said as an idea popped into her head. “Buuuut, if time’s really an issue here, I think I have a pretty good workaround.”
“That would be?” Ambrose and Louis asked.
“We split up! That way, we can give you both a quicker tour of the town, as well as other items of interest.” She gave Twilight a wink.
“Nice thinking, and after that we can all regroup at Sugarcube Corner for a break and a special treat on us.” Twilight finished.
Ambrose pondered internally, best not to disagree, especially since we’re out in public. “I guess that works for me. What about you, Vanilla?”
Louis sighed internally. “Sounds good to me. Let’s do it.”
“Great, let’s get moving! Starlight, you’ll stay with Mellow. You’re coming with me, Vanilla.”
Of course I am. “Oh uh-alrighty then.” He turned to Ambrose, constructing a mask of false confidence. “Well, I’ll be seeing you soon, Mellow. You two don’t have too much fun without us!” He finished attempting to shoot finger guns. Unfortunately they had jammed, painting his targets with only confused expressions.
Nonetheless, Ambrose responded. “Don’t worry Vanilla, it shouldn’t be too long. They probably know this place like the back of their…hoof.” He said, nearly stumbling his words. He did his best to calm Louis down, seeing the jittery shakes slither all around his body, coiling around his joints in a tight grip.
Ambrose stepped in closer, taking up his whole field of view. “It’s gonna be ok, I’ll be right back before you know it.” He said with a soothing tone and a smile. It seemed to work, as his shoulders began to soften, and the quiver in his lip finally quit.
“Right…see you soon.” Louis mumbled, feeling calm. Relaxed. Ambrose gave him one final nod as he and Starlight walked away, Louis marking every step as they went. Surely Ambrose would be fine! What the hell was he worrying about? No way Starlight would try anything sinister on their own. Ambrose could snap her like a twig from the looks of it! Although, she did have a fighting chance with that horn of hers. But how powerful were her spells really? Around the strength of his? He could only hope now…if she even attempted to hurt Amby, he would do everything in his power to-
“Hellooo, Equestria to Vanilla?” Twilight waved a hoof in his face.
“Huh-what?” She extended a wing to the street ahead of them, “Right, time for Twilight’s one and only tour of Ponyville, princess-proofed for yours truly.”
“Uh-huh, and I suggest you put your sarcasm in a secure spot. Lest it slips and spills onto those around you.” She quipped, materializing a scroll in her wing. “I have a select, tried and true list of all the places we need to visit, from necessities to entertainment. Now c’mon, this way.” She turned and begin a steady trot.
"Jawohl, Mein Führer!" He giggled with a mock salute before following suite.
Louis couldn’t decipher the vibrations this town gave him, other than a constant pulse of pure confusion. If there indeed was terror lurking under the streets, it was good at keeping itself hidden. The only real evil he could extract was medieval, though the idea of iron-clad knights keeping tabs from the shadows didn’t make him feel any safer. From the houses perched atop the hillside to the shacks occupying the streets, every detail of this world had hurled back in time.
Frames of timber towering up thatched rooftops, while flowers fester and flourish from the balconies. But the way they were shaped was strange, cartoonish was the best way he could describe it. The wood was warped and twisted in ways that simply weren’t possible back on Earth. Most windows of the houses had been cut with asymmetrical proportions, as were the entire dwellings themselves—all taking on bubbly bouncy impressions, almost like they were breathing.
The rest of the world wasn’t any better, as it too took on exaggerated appearances. Mountains were simplistic sloping shapes, something a child would sketch. Clouds were clumped together in vast spiraling swirls, a large puff of smoke sifting in the sky. And the ground a pattern of a Persian rug, perfectly tying it all together.
It's best he was sober; this town was terrible for psychedelics. The whole world itself was one big trip. A quick glance at a flower, and you’d quickly be reduced to a frenzied panic, finding yourself tangled up on the top of the tents topped around town.
Speaking of which-what’s with the tents anyway? These dollar store teepees fit for low budget renaissance fairs? Don’t unicorns live here? Surely they could conjure something better to call home…or at least with air conditioning.
It would rid that constant smell of horse, now that they’d trotted directly into a bustling marketplace, “Hey Twilight, what’s the deal with the-oof!”
Louis was cut off as he bumped headfirst into a pony in front of him. The stallion turned to give him a concerned look, “Whoops, sorry about that man, I really gotta stop spacing out so much.” He said sheepishly, blowing some hair from his face. I should really invest in a hair clip, maybe a scrunchie…actually, no—just a hair clip.
The stallion shrugged. “Well, I don’t think that mane of yours is helping either.” He said before walking off.
Louis was going to respond if he hadn’t slipped into the sea of ponies around him. Ponds of pastel peppered along the shops perched along the paths.
“You say something?” Twilight popped into view, making him jump.
“Oh-uh, I wanted to ask you about the choice of architecture here, I guess.” He said as they continued to shuffle through the masses.
“What do you mean?”
“Well-I mean, with all this magic and stuff, you’d think Ponyville wouldn’t be this...primitive. I think that’s the word.”
“That’s not the word I would use.” Twilight scoffed, “One of Ponyville’s main exports is its produce, so it needs to keep all of its expansive farmland to grow the crops. Not to mention the town itself was founded by the Apple family, its always stayed true to its rural roots-“
“Wait a minute, hang on, so the family that grows the apples are called the Apples?” Louis asked.
“Yup.”
“Heh, nice one man, talk about answering your calling.” What’s next, pear farmers named after pears?
Twilight continued cheerfully, “Plus, I’ve always enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere it brings out, everypony here is so friendly with each other. It always puts a smile on my face.” A few ponies waved at her, to which she mirrored.
“Says the one living in a crystal castle…” Louis muttered.
“Hmm?”
“I said guess living here isn’t such a hassle.” He quickly covered up, “Looks pretty cozy too, seeing all these ponies warming up to each other. Lot better than where I was last living.”
“Mm-hmm, especially when you’re trying to get very cozy with a certain somepony, Vanilla.” Twilight donned a sly smirk.
“Uh yeah, sure…wait WHAT?” Louis exclaimed, nearly stumbling over grooves on the path. Doing so managed to attract a few stares. “Twilight, I-I think you got it all wrong, I don’t feel that way about you.” He said quietly, trying to cocoon himself.
Twilight giggled. “Trust me, I know. I’m not exactly the most romantic mare, but even I can tell when somepony’s trying to pull a few moves.” She said with a flirty flick of her tail.
Louis’s mind was on the fritz. ”Oh nonononononono, it’s not like that between us, definitely not! We’re just uh-friends, yeah! Really good friends, alright?” He could feel his face burning a fiery red.
“Yeah, and you’re really friendly with her from what I’ve seen. A nice little couples trot through the woods? Of all those plenty of rooms, you told me you’d stay in the one with her…”
His legs started to feel like jelly, he never said any of that!...Or did he? Jesus, he’s been stumbling with these mares from the very beginning! What else has he said without knowing?
“…Then there was that thing you…attempted with the fruit at breakfast, and those looks in your eyes when you guys split earlier. All very friendly, indeed.”
Louis attempted a craft a counter argument, but the instructions were all jumbled. Every step of the way showed what Twilight had seen out of him. He'd fucked up. Really fucked up.
"Hey, hey it's ok. Sometimes we have difficulties trying to tell somepony else how we really feel about them, whether it be a complaint or a compliment. Very much the latter in your case." Twilight put an arm over his shoulder, "Mellow Yellow seems like a wonderful mare, I'm sure she has similar feelings about you too."
You'd be surprised how right and wrong that assumption is, "You really think so?" He lied, playing along.
"I'm sure of it." Twilight answered confidently, pulling away.
Louis shifted a bit, eyeing all the ponies walking by them, "So, what do you think I should do?" He asked, applying a fake worried tone.
Twilight looked around, noticing a large carousel looking building a couple streets over. "I have a few ideas. But for now, why don't we continue our tour? Ooo, up next is the theater! Many great performers come from all around and put on shows for us, they're really exciting!" She held her head up high as she continued along with her schedule.
"Cool...they taking lessons? I could really use them..." Louis said to himself, slowly following along.
Ambrose could tread easy when it came to Starlight; it was with her sparkly counterpart where his mind was mainly focused. She seemed to be the ringleader when it came to everything that had occurred up till now...well, considering she was a leader didn't make it any easier. He knew Louis would try his best to keep cool and calm, but Twilight might try to mess with him, twist him around and feed him lies as politicians were known to do.
Honestly, a winged unicorn declaring herself the princess of friendship watching above a dusty country town from a shiny castle...if anyone wasn't going to be honest, it was her.
Speaking of which...
"So, what's the deal with you two exactly?" Ambrose asked.
"Who’s deal?" Starlight said, looking over.
"The deal with you and Twilight, I mean. Are you two like sisters or something?"
Starlight jumped back, "Excuse me?"
"Yeah, you guys got a tag-team leadership thing here." Ambrose fluffed his wings a bit, "Looks like she got the better half of the gene pool, getting wings and a horn."
“Sorry, you got us mixed up. Twilight and I aren't sisters. She's the only one who's a princess."
Oh, that clarifies it a bit...
"The actual sisters are the ones who rule out of Canterlot."
...And now I'm lost again.
"Huh, guess you two just really gel well together, could've sworn you were related." Ambrose said muzzle scrunched in disappointment.
"Let me guess: coat, mane, voice, cutie mark?" She listed, pointing to her flank.
That’s a strange name for these...things. "Why do I get the feeling I'm not the first?" Ambrose forced a chuckle.
"You have no idea." Starlight replied, looking off the hillside as they trotted down the path. She'd taken them down a beaten trail, well worn from wheels of wagons and hammering of hooves. "What about you, Mellow? How are things between you and Vanilla?"
Ambrose shrugged. "Things are going pretty well, I suppose." Starlight raised an eyebrow in polite curiosity. Course she'd want more, "I was in the same camp as him. Things weren't warming up back home, needed to make a change, perhaps a place that was...warmer?" That made her giggle. "And Ponyville looked like a good choice. Going out to the countryside, looking out over all those rolling hills. Almost felt like our own little getaway."
"Well, you'll never have to worry about getting bored in Ponyville. Every day there's always something new going on. You'll never be missing out."
"Sweet." Ambrose replied cheerfully, before realizing. "...I hope Vanilla's doing alright with Twilight." He pondered, looking to the ground.
"Why's that?" Starlight came to a stop.
"He's been pretty skittish recently, especially after what happened in the Everfree. And now he's gotta deal with all those crowds."...And that princess of yours...
Starlight gave him a warm smile. "Don't worry, he's in very good hooves. Twilight may be a reclusive bookworm at times, but she knows how to make anypony feel welcome."
Even though his trust was thin, hearing her say that lightened him up a bit, "I really hope you're right, I really do. The last thing I'd want is him in trouble, and I can't even help." He said, hoof to his chest.
"Nice to know you two care about one another's wellbeing." Starlight said with a smile.
"Of course we do!" Ambrose perked up, "Vanilla's always been by my side, even since we were foals, no way I'd leave him twisting in the wind like that!" He turned to the sunlight, feeling its warmth wrap around his coat, "Even if just a little, he's always found a way to brighten up my day." He said in a slightly joking manner.
"Awww, that's so sweet." Starlight chirped in a giddy tone.
Ambrose froze, shit! He'd forgotten how he looked to those of this world, a she! And with Starlight...no, she doesn't think...
"However, I think there's somepony else who'd really like to hear that."
She does!
Ambrose's face went ablaze, "Oh no-don't worry Starlight, he knows that well enough. We just...like to stick together, y'know? As friends do when they...travel..." Starlight wore a smug grin with a raising brow, "I-I just enjoy his company, alright? That's all!" Going higher. "...So we have similar interests, ok? We just like doing the same stuff! Like...like-"
"Like long, relaxing trots through the forest? The kind where it's just the two of you...alone...enjoying each other's company?" Starlight finished, cozying up next to him.
"...Yes...like that..." Ambrose squeaked. This was bad, really bad! In all his flustered fumbling, he found himself a hole far deeper than he could possibly fathom! Quick, he needed to change the subject! Something, anything!
"Hey, check that out!" He blurted, hastily pointing to the sky.
"Hmm?" He managed to strike her attention, cranking her neck skyward.
Yes, a diversion! His salvation quite literally falling from the sky! Though in this case, the proper term would be arcing, "Wow-so vibrant, really catches the eye, huh?" Before Starlight could answer, he did himself, "Yeah, uh-huh, very cool-very cool. A bit weird though, usually you see one of these right after the storm, not a couple days out from it." He pondered, as the aerial display had quickly turned.
Turning towards them.
"Well, that's not exactly your average rainbow."Starlight giggled, bracing herself.
Whatever this thing was, it was closing in fast! The sounds of jet engines came screaming into his head, the high pitch whine piercing his eardrums and pounding into his brain.
It was only a few feet out now, speeding straight ahead to collide with them in a giant, colorful crash! He panicked as he dropped to the dirt, his wings automatically draping over him for protection.
But in a split second, the stream of color shot back into the sky before spinning all around them. Twisting them into the eye of a rainbow tornado, kicking up dust and leaves.
As quick as it started, so did it cease. Leaving only a dark figure in the air, a pegasus.
"No...WAY!" She shouted in excitement, blowing away the dust. "I don't believe it! Mellow Yellow, is that you?" Flying up close to Ambrose's face, smiling so wide he could see his reflection in her pearly whites.
This one had a coat of bright cyan clashing with massive magenta eyes, wide and alert. At least he assumed they were, as his eyes were busy being assaulted by the vast assortment of colors that were her mane and tail. At least it explains why those colors were so bright. Perhaps she was colorblind.
Now all that's left to guess was her name, and between the rainbow hair, rainbow streaks, and rainbow lightning bolt on her flank, he had an inkling as to her identity.
"Uh...nice to see you too...Rainbow..." He guessed sheepishly.
Somehow, her smile spread even wider as she quickly swooped in, wrapping him in a hug, "Yes! I knew you'd recognize me!"
Oh c'mon! You're telling me the rainbow horse is named Rainbow, but the Light ones aren't related? What the fuck!
Starlights eyes bounced between the pegasi, "Wait, you two know each other?"
"Yeah! Well, kinda sorta." Rainbow answered, jumping back into the air, "We used to talk to each other when she would visit Cloudsdale for the flight camps way back when, as well as a few fillies fliers competitions...bleh, that's a tongue twister."
"Oh yeah, the filly fliers, how could I ever forget those?" Ambrose answered quickly, "Those were soooo much fun, weren't they?"
"Yeah! Though, they weren't exactly the most stellar performances those ones..." Rainbow turned to Starlight. "Let's just say Mellow here wasn't exactly all that...aerodynamic, at the time." She whispered, making a wide circular motion with her hooves.
"Rainbow, she's right here." Starlight scolded.
"But hey-it's cool now! Look at you! I mean, you were always big, but now you're, well...huge!" She said, spreading her hooves dramatically, "You've really been hitting weights hard. I could barely get my hooves around your barrel!" She poked his arm, quickly pulling back like touching hot coal, "Pretty sweet, rock solid." Giving him a wink.
Ambrose didn't know what to say, being startled more than anything else. Because it was true in his younger years, his baby fat was quite stubborn in fading away, leading to some embarrassing expeditions in athletics.
Rainbow rested her arms behind her head, "So, what brings a snowbird like you all the way to Ponyville?"
"Well, Miss Mellow here is thinking of sticking around town for a while, if you know what I mean." Starlight said cheerfully.
Rainbow gasped, "You're moving here? Like moving-moving here, with a house and everything?" Ambrose nodded nervously, "That's awesome!" She did an excited flip in the air, "It's gonna be great having somepony new flying with us. Oh! I can help get you a job on the weather team easily! Having you moving the clouds around would make my job a breeze."
"You mean helping you move the clouds, right?" Starlight retorted.
Rainbow looked away, rubbing her neck, "Heh heh...right..." She shook her head, resorting back to her upbeat personality, "So how about it, wanna go for a quick fly around? I know some really cool places for stunts." She tried to sell with a smile.
"Sorry Rainbow, Starlight's already giving me a tour of the town, perhaps another time when I'm all settled in." He declined politely...and for the fact I can't fucking fly.
She took it well, merely shrugging it off, "No biggie, but I'll keep your word on that." She was about to fly off before remembering something, "Saaay...where's your other half? No way you'd do something like this without him being a part of it."
Ambrose pulled back, "My...other half?"
Rainbow had a hoof to her chin in thought, "Yeah, what was his name...Fudgy Wudgy or something?"
His eyes nearly popped out of his skull, "Uh...I think you mean Vanilla Fudge, Rainbow."
"Yeah, that's it, I remember now! You guys were friends back in Colterado, and the way you talked about him was as if you were joined at the flank back home."
"Oh well-yes, he's here with me, but we're split up for now. Twilight's busy giving him his own tour back in town. We're gonna meet up again at...Sugarcube Corner, you said?" Starlight gave him a nod.
"Heh, he got stuck with princess egghead. Bet she's talking his ears off with little details about everything." Rainbow stretched her legs, "Well, I gotta get going, enjoy the rest of your tour-as well as Ponyville while you're at it!"
"See ya around, Rainbow!" Starlight waved.
"Yeah, see you soon." Ambrose used his wing to wave.
Rainbow gave them a final smile and sped off, vanishing with smoke left where she stood.
When everything settled down, Starlight looked at Ambrose, "So...Fudgy Wudgy, hmm?"
A few years ago, back when he still considered himself a contributing member of society, attempting to improve his world's quality of life and those who inhabited it, a simple stroll was all it took to satisfy Louis. Step-by-step down the streets, likely hand-in-hand with someone who shared similar affections. Somehow, they’d found his attitude more alluring than the discounted appliances perched in the dusty windows. Things that would actually be beneficial to their lives and probably wouldn’t let them down as quickly, all for an affordable price.
Yet even with these devilishly good deals, they’d rather spend significant chunks of their days with him as time whittled away, continuing along with its own agenda of terror. Horrors by the hour, murders by the minute, screams by the second. Those companions acted as blinders, closing off the world and keeping him focused only on what mattered most. However, those blinders ran the risk of getting T-boned by reality, rolling over and over as he was ripped out of the cockpit, tumbling into terminal trauma.
At least it gave him a reason to have lived somewhere named Cripple Creek.
The sky had reflected this scenario, having turned to many shades of blue and purple as the light slowly faded away over the horizon, soon giving away to cold night. Before that could freeze them over, a kindling was warming between quadruple quadrupeds.
“There you are!” Starlight exclaimed, her voice mixed with annoyance and relief, “What took you so long? We’ve been walking around for who knows how long!”
Twilight trotted forward, her less than enthusiastic baggage alongside, “Aww, it’s this late already?” She sheepishly looked to the sky for confirmation, “I’m sorry girls, we got so wrapped up in the tour, we lost track of time.”
Ambrose winced internally at his designation, “At least it allowed us to see more of town. What about you, Vanilla? How’s Ponyville treating you?”
The stallion’s head hung low from fatigue and frustration, his voice carrying the same feelings, “Ooooh, it’s greeeeat…just-wonderful maaaaan…” He blew the mane from his face, revealing a pair of burned-out tired eyes, “Never thought Ponyville could haaave such a RICH…history…” Wobbling back and forth, mental state wavering, “In fact, you know that one of the founding families was called the RICH’S? Ha-Ha! I didn’t know that! Or how this town really came into its own after selling these rainbow apples from funky trees as Zap Apple Jam? Rainbow Apples! Can you believe THAT, BECAUSE I CAN NOW! And they have all these events in town…with festivals! And fairs! And festivals with fairs and fairs with festivals about those fairs! So many details, so many facts!” Louis began to mumble to himself in a crazed daze.
“Twilight!” Starlight chastised, “You promised me you wouldn’t go too in-depth about every place!”
“I didn’t!” Twilight zapped a scroll into view, rolling out to around 30 inches, “I made sure to go over only the most vital information needed when moving here…” The scroll then unraveled further to around 30 feet, “…Aaand sprinkled in a few fun facts along the way.”
“Spike once counted that Sweet Apple Acres had twenty-four million, five hundred sixty-seven thousand, eight hundred thirty-seven blades of grass!”
Twilight found herself in the shadow of Ambrose’s steely glare, standing tall above her, “Fix him…now.” He growled.
Her horn immediately lit up, casting an aura around Louis’s head, and calming his convulsions. He heaved, exhaling the expository infection, “Ugh, you ever heard about pulling punches, Twilight?” He rubbed his head, “Guess I should’ve expected that from a politician. A whole lotta talk about a whole lotta nothing.”
“Hey! Most of what I said actually mattered-“
“Enough,” Starlight cut them off, motioning forward, “Ending of the tour. Last stop, remember?”
Twilight gave Louis a nervous smile, to which he quickly scurried to Ambrose’s side, feeling a sense of security by his size. Very…reassuring.
“Yeah, man, I could definitely go for some sweets after today, uh-where is this Sugartits-“
“Sugarcube,” Ambrose whispered.
“-Sugarcube Corner, then?” Looking around exaggeratedly, spotting a bright sugary looking building in town.
“Yeah, we’re gonna let you figure that one out.” Starlight snickered as they made their way over.
The sight of this place alone was enough to make their teeth hurt, on the brink of breaking off their skulls and bubbling over their brains. Every inch of the outside glistened, from a roof of gingerbread to spiraling stalagmites of red and white. Every corner of the inside was covered in candy, cakes, and cavity-creators: a toddler’s daydream, a dentist’s worst nightmare. And the smell was of a sweet, oppressive scent.
The group was now before a glass counter, encasing a large assortment of edible wares. Geez, this place seemed to offer nearly every flavor they could think of. Gotta admit, they were a little impressed.
Apparently not to anyone else, as the place was barren, most likely near-
“-Closing time, we’re probably the last ones for the day.” Starlight said, looking over the counter, “Give it a ring. She’s probably in the back.”
Twilight tapped the bell, the high pitch chime ringing out.
“Juuuuust a minute!” Cried a cheerful chirp from the walls.
This gave Twilight an idea, “Say, why don’t you two find somewhere to sit while we order a nice surprise for you.”
Louis looked over to the corner, “There’s like…one table here, Twilight.”
“Exactly! So you two go and…uh, discuss your days together. Compare what you saw while walking around. We shouldn’t be too long.”
Louis’s face heated up. He knew what she was implying with a chit-chat over candy, “Yeah, sure. C’mon Mellow.” How the hell was he going to explain this situation? Maybe wait till later, when it was just the two of them.
Ambrose looked to Starlight, who gave him an encouraging smile, “A-Alright then, catch you girls in a minute.” How the hell was he going to explain this situation? Maybe wait till later, when it was just the two of them.
They sat and scooted away from earshot as much as possible, subtly dropping their not-so-stellar acts.
“You alright, Lou?” Ambrose looked him up and down, concerningly, “She didn’t hurt you or anything, did she?”
Louis shook his head, “No-no, nothing like that, man, she was cool. But damn does she have a lot of nonsense floating in her head.” Ambrose's body relax, yet Louis shivered, “Ugh, I really need a jay after this…unwind my nerves. Feels like my brain’s been ripped apart by rainbows n' shit.”
“Oh…speaking of…rainbows, I was introduced-sorry, reintroduced to an old acquaintance of mine.” Ambrose said, attempting to twiddle his hooves.
“The hell’s that supposed to mean?”
Ambrose cleared his throat, “Well…Starlight and I were walking down a trail through the countryside, and she just showed up out of nowhere. Started spouting off about all these things we did in someplace called Cloudsdale.” Ambrose had the mental image of a city made entirely of clouds. How would that even work? “A rainbow pegasus named Rainbow Dash…shocker.”
“Right?” Louis piped up, “That’s like a running theme around here. Apples, Pears, Cakes? Why the fuck is everypony named after what they do? Is it a requirement to get a job here or something?” Ambrose gave him a funny look, “…everybody, sorry.”
A commotion from the counter caused the two of them to look over.
“Hi-ya girls! It’s great to see you!” The pony behind the counter said excitedly, literally bouncing in place. One look at those wide ecstatic eyeballs told them she had one too many shots of espresso…or shots to the arm.
“Hey there Pinkie! You have time to spare for one more order?” Twilight asked, motioning her to lean in. And yeah, the name Pinkie pretty much summed up how this pony looked.
“Ooooo, absolutely! Whaddya have in mind?” Pinkie came in close, as all 3 began whispering amongst themselves. The two watched from the table, suspicious about what was discussed, most likely them as the main subject.
“Boy, she's pretty energetic, even at this hour.” Ambrose said. It was the only thing he could make out for now, and he wasn’t exactly keen on jumpstarting any more old relations.
“Yeah…a princess and her jester, how sweet.” Louis grumbled. He heard a few giggles from the group, a few times eyes would gaze their way before ducking back into the huddle.
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t be that rude, Lou.”
“Whatever man, won’t matter after today. Just get this day done and hightail it out of here.” Louis twirled his hair in his hooves, “And that Rainbow chick was just mistaken Amby, don’t worry about it too much.”
Ambrose’s face warped with worry, “Umm…that’s gonna be kinda hard, considering she wasn’t completely off about me…or you.”
Louis’s eyes widened, “Excuse me?”
“Hey!” The ‘Light’s were by the table, smiling as usual when wanting to be friendly, “Hope we’re not interrupting anything?” Starlight giggled.
The two looked at each other before shaking their heads, “Hmm, well just so you know, those surprises we ordered are on their way.” Twilight said, pulling up a chair.
“Oh yeah, that’s cool, man. Really far out, absolutely stellar.” Louis said with hints of sarcasm, none of which were pinged by Twilight.
“Uh-huh, if you thought my cooking was amazing, what Pinkie’s capable of will absolutely blow you away.” Twilight said, her tone carrying a sense of experience.
“Yes, but we already know that.” Starlight nudged Twilight, “Why don’t we discuss something we don’t, like you two. What did you think of town?”
Louis felt like he was continually being interrogated, his thoughts on this or where he was on this day to this hour. It was all grating. “Yeah, all pretty…rural, but it’s got those rustic charms that uh-ponies bolt on when talking about country bumpkins.” He said with a lazy smile. Twilight looked slightly confused, but still smiled all the same.
“And the mountainsides are incredible! All of those wonderful colors the town resonates, I can’t wait to take a flight around and soak it all in.” Ambrose said, emphasizing his points with wings. He might’ve been selling that one just a little too much. While the idea of flying sounded neat, the fact he'd be doing it himself was a little daunting.
“And it seems you won’t be doing that alone either.” Starlight added.
Twilight gasped, her eyes lighting up, “Really? You’ve already made friends with somepony, who?”
Starlight answered for him, “Miss Mellow here happens to know a very loyal friend of ours.”
“You know Rainbow Dash?” She exclaimed, her curiosity turning to full-blown attention, putting Ambrose in the spotlight.
Really, we’re going over all of this again? Ambrose groaned internally. To which he did, recapping what was opened up to him by Rainbow Dash, making Twilight very excited; saying herself the occasional sightseeing of Ponyville was stunning. Lucky for Louis, he never came across any ponies with mushed memories, so he didn’t have to bank on a made-up backstory…unless the yearning act fell under that category. But he could handle that, surely. If today could somehow end semi-normal, along with satisfying his sweet tooth, everything could remain barely under control. Just as life usually turned out to be, barely under control.
“Oh Twil-y!” Pinkie shouted, tossing the treats onto the counter, “Your cakey goodness is now cleared for consumption!” Accompanying it with a blast of confetti.
“Thanks again, Pinkie.” Twilight said, going to collect. The two exchanged a few words as Pinkie bounced back to…whatever it is she was doing in the back, “She’ll be joining us in a little while, I bet she’s very excited to meet you.”
“And you’re sure of this how?” Louis asked jokingly, as it seemed Pinkie could be excited just by the concept of breathing.
Twilight’s muzzle scrunched, “Well, let’s just say Pinkie has a certain…sense for that sort of thing…”
Bad omen, he immediately thought.
“…But I wouldn’t worry about it, trust me. Now, these are for us…” Twilight gave Starlight and herself two normal looking cupcakes, both of chocolate with icing similar to their color schemes.
“…And these are for you.”
And had passed them the more…eccentric cupcakes, to put it lightly.
In front of Louis was a colossal cupcake, cooked with caramel and whipped with buttercream, wrapping around itself into a sugary spiral. The summit of this small mountain had been through a series of recent showers. Golden showers he would’ve put it, if he were anymore juvenile than he already was, but luckily managed to hold his tongue…
…Golden sleet more likely, as sprinklings of salt were spread out amongst the drizzle. And following the rules everything else in this world followed, the pastry's proportions were cartoonishly fluffy…and shiny…and appetizing. Louis had to sneakily scratch away a string of saliva slowly sliming from his mouth as his manners slipped from his mind.
Ambrose found himself in a similar scenario as his sweet swirled around into a sea of succulent marble, chunks of chocolate in tandem with twists of vanilla. The icing matched the motif, as the creamy coat was drenched in a dark brown downpour, with even some sprinkles thrown in for good measure. And the smell was absolutely alluring; oh, he just wanted to pounce on it and gorge! Curious, he looked over to Louis’s cupcake, and-
“Oh, uh…doesn’t that look…mellow-y?” He muttered, looking over the golden colors.
Louis caught a glimpse of Ambrose’s food. One look at the colors, more notable the patterns, made him understand Ambrose’s tone, “I can see yours has a very err-fudgy theme about it, huh.” He swiveled his own plate around, “But I gotta say, man, the culinary craftsmanship on display here is solid, pure rock.”
“Yeah! The icing looks like it was sheared straight from your fur, the colors are a near-perfect copy.” Ambrose held the cupcake up at eye level, comparing his companion.
Louis shrugged, “Eh, just splatter some chocolate on a cream backdrop, and you’ll have it. Too simple not to screw up. A simple style from a simple stallion.”
“Might even say your simple minded too, hmm?” Ambrose quipped, a smirk finding its way to his lips. Even with the weirdness of the situation, he walked himself into that one.
“You say that like it’s a negative…” Louis retorted, “…that simple mindedness got you a free cupcake, didn’t it?” He held up his own, looking it over once more, “It got mine far more intrinsic care put into it, the caramels been drizzled to look like your flank, and all of those fiery feathers.”
“Ooo, well that’s pretty neat-hang on, are you trying to say I got a fluffy flank?” Ambrose asked, looking to the perceived plump phoenixes on his sides.
“Hey now, you said it, not me, man.” Ambrose’s face reddened, “Aww c’mon, I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there who’re grateful when you happen to fly by…” Louis joked with a bold brow, “…maybe even a few mares.”
“I’m don’t put myself on display for everypony, Vanilla!” Ambrose chuckled, “And it’s not caramel, it’s car-mul, I keep telling you this, dummy.”
“Because you’re wrong, it’s car-a-mel, simple as that.”
Ambrose smirked again, “And like I said before, simple minded.”
“You’re the one whose mind is simple, man! It’s not car-mul, caramel! It literally has an A in the middle!”
“…You’re insane, Vanilla.”
Louis tugged at his mane, “Me? I’m the insane one? It’s there, pronounce it!”
“Nope.”
“Say it.”
“Uh-uh.”
“Do it.”
“I will, as soon as you take back what you said about my fat flank.” Ambrose said, pointing his muzzle high.
“Well, I’M not the one who said such things, you did. And I believe the word used was actually fluffy, Mellow, different connotations…”
“…Same implications.”
“Maybe for a simple mind to conclude.”
“How about you simply mind your own business?”
“How about you simply kiss my-“
“Ahem!” They looked over, the mares having long finished their feast, “Can we simply move along, please? You haven’t even touched your cupcakes yet.” Starlight said. Twilight appeared to be hastily putting away a notepad.
“Yeah, it’s pretty simple, guys.” Spouted a cheery voice beside Louis, causing him to jump…again.
“Urgh, we need to put bells on you ponies, you’re always sneaking around.” Louis grumbled.
Pinkie didn’t understand his comment, as she added further, “I know! Sometimes when I really, really want to find somepony, they’re almost nowhere to be seen! But at the end of the day, we always find each other. It’s super-duper weird, but totally convenient!” Pinkie said, twitching her tail slightly.
Louis turned to Twilight, “I see what you mean by sense.”
She giggled a little, “Well, it definitely worked out for you today, Pinkie, seeing as you’ve drawn in a couple new ponies here.” Her eyes pointing to the two humans, who in turn gave small waves.
Pinkie froze, her eyes blowing up like balloons and bouncing between the two. They could see the cogs churning, maybe working through even more confetti and cake crammed into her cranium. But with some effort, they managed to push through the party pastry, activating pullies as they pulled at the corners of her mouth, stretching it out into a large smile as the rest of her body sparked into high gear. Jesus, this pony had enough energy ripping through her to energize a city, much less a country town.
“It’s you!” Pinkie exclaimed with glee, bouncing around the table.
“It’s…us?” They repeated, looking at each other for an answer.
“Yeah, you!” She pointed between them, “You and you, you and you, the two of you! Well, if we count Twilight and Starlight, then it would be four, but we're not, so that’s two!” She slipped in between the mares, “I knew something sounded odd when you girls were asking for cupcakes. When you were talking about who they’re for, I thought ‘weird, didn’t I just recently run into a unicorn named Vanilla with an incredibly long mane…” As she said this, her poofy mane popped, falling all around her face to mimic Louis, “…and an incredibly big pegasus named Mellow…” She puffed out her chest, morphing into an exaggeratedly strong stature to mimic Ambrose, “…with nearly the EXACT same features?’ But then I realized that’s because it is them!”
Twilight was taken aback, “Wait, you’ve already met them? But they just got here.”
Pinkie nodded, “Yup, they sure did!”
Starlight spoke up, “When? We didn’t hear about any recent move-ins, neither did Dash apparently…”
Ambrose watched as they conversed, a particular tidbit from Louis last night murmuring in his mind.
…You don’t think they were trying to lie to you? You were able to craft one pretty quick. I can’t imagine they wouldn’t try the same…
Pinkie’s enthusiasm dimmed slightly, “Oh right, you girls only just got back from your trip in Canterlot, they showed up a few days ago while you were gone. I was going to write to you about newcomers, but…” She perked up again, “I guess it’s not necessary since they’re right in front of you!” She pointed her hooves to them in dramatic fashion.
What. The. Fuck.
“Oh, uh-are you absolutely sure about that, Pinkie? I think you might have the wrong ponies-“ Ambrose was quickly cut off as Pinkie appeared before him, her eyes robotically scanning him up and down, checking under his chin and fluffing his feathers. When she was done poking and prodding Ambrose, she then shifted her focus to Louis, having somehow materialized a comically large magnifying glass, her ginormous pupil gazed along every inch of his body with an investigative “Hmmm...” No dice here, as she swiftly tossed the glass to the side, rubbing her chin with a hoof. They both looked to the mares for some clarification, as the entire table was hoisted upwards in her search. Unsatisfied, she slammed it back down and began looking in other corners of Sugarcube Corner.
Louis and Ambrose breathed internal sighs of relief, now free from…well, whatever the fuck that was about.
She was gone, but Louis still felt that irritating itch that she was always looking at them. It was giving him the creeps; in fact, it really became an itch, as nerves tip-toed all across his temple. He went to scratch it, just as a sudden pink blur shot out from his mane, pulling at strands. He wanted to scream in shock, but no sound resonated, only silently sitting in horror that Pinkie had just appeared from inside his mane. Once she was done with her search there, she slowly slurped back into his scalp, closing his curls like curtains. He went to grab for her, to find she’d disappeared completely, only leaving terrified tingles going through his head, notably at a particular tip.
Ambrose blinked, the whole scene was over in a second as Louis was scrambling through his mane frantically. He couldn’t blame him; all thanks to a pink pony, or whatever she truly was at this point, some kind of ancient apparition? A freakish force of nature no one could control? Ugh, he was starting to sound like Louis, his innards twisting and turning at these thoughts. Then he felt his chest twitch as something mushed in-between begun to move around. He looked down, just in time to see a pink head quickly pop out from between his pecs, looking up at him with a blank stare. He freaked and went to swat at her, but she swiftly slipped back into his sternum.
Before properly processed what’d just possessed them, Pinkie popped up from the side of the table, “Nope, you’re the same ponies! Just making sure.”
“Huh, isn’t that…interesting.” Twilight mumbled, looking over at them.
“Yeah, thanks for telling us, Pinkie…wish I’d been there.” Starlight added, no emotion in her voice. Louis felt those tingles increase in intensity, just barely keeping his body under control.
“You really should’ve, it was a blast! In fact, I think I have a photo!” Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out multiple manila folders, “Hmm, no…no…no-aha! Here it is, 5150 Mile High Street, Vanilla Fudge and Mellow Yellow.” She placed the others back into her hair as she opened it, taking out the item of interest.
Twilight took it in her magic and examined it with a curious eye. Soon turning to mild amusement as she showed it to Starlight, who muffled a laugh when she looked at them.
“Wha-what?” Louis squeaked nervously, hiding parts of his terrified face behind his mane. She floated it over to him, quickly taking it in his own magic.
The picture presented the scene of a party, with its honored guests depicted at the forefront. A view of Vanilla and Mellow together with hooves hung around each other’s shoulders, wearing askew party hats and giant goofy smiles. He could see bits of streamers and confetti…maybe cake splattered all throughout the strands of his mane and tail. He even managed to smear some on Mellow’s fur when posing for the picture.
It was a silly pose. A happy pose. A familiar pose.
Even with the equine replacements, it was an exact reenactment of a picture he’d taken a long while ago. But it wasn’t a picture he’d taken with Ambrose. No, this is one he took with…
With…
With…
A sudden flash of light blasted by the table, blinding everyone in the building. As they regain the vision, very soon they realized they were down one unicorn. Only for another light to flash outside, followed by the falling of a body. They all looked outside to see Louis laid out on the ground, looking back at them. For a pause, the two parties peered at each other, processing what’d just occurred a second prior.
Then he ran.
Ambrose slowly, yet calmly, turned to Pinkie.
“Say, you wouldn’t happen to have a to-go bag for these, would you?”
Streets sped past him as he galloped through town, the busy ponies all becoming a blur. Each muscle flexing in perfect form, picking up the pace to keep up with his panicking mind. He should've guessed something like this would happen to Louis, making him lash out and leave him behind. No way Louis could last 5 minutes by his lonesome. Then again, neither could he.
He screeched to a stop upon reaching an intersection, ripping up chunks of dirt as his hooves skidded. He looked down each direction, hoping to detect his frenzied friend, but he couldn’t see anyone who matched his physique. Nor his colors. Or his mental state.
A pair of mares sluggishly stumbled to his side, sputtering and swallowing what little breath they could catch from the impromptu dash, “Mellow…slow down…we’re not athletes…” Twilight sputtered, magically wiping sweat from her brow.
“You’re fine,” He dismissed quickly, as if her wellbeing was of any concern to him now. Louis promised him she did no harm, but that face created from the photo told him otherwise. “We gotta split up. He couldn’t have gone that far, but in his current state, all bets are off. He could’ve zapped himself halfway across the world for all we know.”
“No…there’s…no way he could do something like…that…” Starlight gasped, shaking out her hooves, “He’s probably still in town...perhaps somepony stopped him.”
“Then we’re looking now. Twilight, you take the skies, see if you can get a beat on him. I’ll search the streets, ask if anypony’s seen him running.”
Twilight shifted uncomfortably, “But Mellow, you’re clearly the stronger pegasus here, I think it’s best you-“
“The skies, Twilight!” He shouted, making her jump as her wings unfurled midair, “And if you don’t find him, then meet us at 5150 Mile high, now go!” With that final push, she rushed off over the rooftops, leaving him with her not-so-feathery friend, “And you…” He pointed to Starlight, making her stand up straight, “…Watch those cupcakes.”
“Seriously?” She snapped, looking to the bag they borrowed from Pinkie.
“Yes,” He snarled, getting in her face, “You’re gonna watch those cupcakes with the fierce eyes of a hawk, making sure not a single sprinkle is spilled, every meticulous detail placed on that pastry is kept in mint condition. That’s what you’re doing.”
Suddenly, her hardened features slowly softened with concern. “Ok…sure…look, Mellow, you know we’re-“
“Enough, Starlight. Just watch the cupcakes, please?” He demanded, turning face, “Like I told her, meet us at 5150 when it's all said and done, got it?”
“Ok, I will, but really we’re-“
“Thanks, bye!” He yelled, legs springing him into a full-blown sprint as he hurled down the streets, making a sharp left turn and slipping out of sight.
"Sigh...of course he'd go somewhere like this."
Ambrose trekked all over town, hoping to get an inkling of information as to his insane friends whereabouts, "Excuse me, have you seen a stallion around here?" He was like a broken record, endlessly repeating that phrase at nauseum to any pony he came across. Occasionally it would skip forward, allowing him to add, "Small? Scrawny? Scared? About half his weight in hair, dragging along like a distraught bride?"
Over and over, he would present them this question, getting a wide array of answers from his chosen contestants:
"Sorry...ma'am, haven't seen him."
"Nope."
"How should I know?"
"Nah, sorry."
"Uhhhh...maybe? I don't know."
"Muffin?"
Every one was incorrect, not even phone a friend could find them what he desperately desired.
“Arrgh, this is ridiculous! How has he managed to slip past everyone here?” He huffed, pacing down the path. Should he wait till tomorrow? It was getting late, and he could be anywhere now; shit, with that new teleportation ability, he could be gone for good! What if…he asked for a police search? The Pony Police? Well, they were getting pretty close to a so-called princess, maybe they could send a royal search party for-no, that’d be even worse.
“Hey, I think I know who you’re looking for.” Said a voice from behind him.
“Where?” He exclaimed, rushing up to them.
Just a little too quick, as she jumped at his speed. “Ah! I didn’t do anything to him, I swear!” She covered her face in fear, her body wilting like a flower.
“Wha-no I,” He stepped back. “Sorry, didn’t mean to close the gap like that, but I really need to find him quick. Before he gets himself even more lost.”
She got back to her hooves, “Well, he was certainly making some ground when he passed by me, I’ll say. I turned around and there was this giant, swirly hairball coming straight at me. He looked like if a mane has suddenly gained life, nearly scared me stiff!”
“I apologize. I’ve hoped he would get a clue…and a cut for a while now,” He shook his head. “Never mind that, which way did he go?”
“Last I saw he ran off that way,” She pointed a hoof south, “Talking to himself also, something about twenty-four million, five-hundred-“
Ambrose gave an annoyed groan, gazing to the ground in aggravation, “You stupid son of a-going over there, you idiot!” She gave him a sad look, like she felt solely responsible for his plight. “It’s nothing you did, trust me. It’s just-“ His wings slid down his face with a sigh. “I’ve got him now, thank you for keeping a keen eye…err-“
“Oh! Uh…my names Roseluck.” She replied casually.
Ambrose’s eyes widened. “Wait…Rose…luck?”
“Yup, that’s…my name, as all ponies do…have names,” She laughed anxiously, becoming an even paler palette, “There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”
“Heh, no, you’re good,” He chuckled, silencing a snort. “Again, don’t worry about it. I’m Mellow Yellow, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you. That’s a very pretty name.” She said, as a smile slowly blossomed.
He looked away from Roseluck, matching a shade similar to one, “Thanksyoutoo!” He said quickly, sprinting past her, “Gotta go, thanks again!”
“Best of luck finding him!” She shouted, waving goodbye.
Luck…he was definitely going to need a large dose of that when combing over these colossal columns of apples.
“You gotta be kidding me, this place has gotta be hundreds of acres wide! How the hell am I supposed to search all of this in a single week, let alone afternoon?”
And that’s when he remembered a certain ability the choice of creature he currently inhabited carried.
“Goddamnit Lou, you fucking asshole.” He growled to himself, walking in place as he attempted to work over his nerves. His very shaky nerves shooting out across an even shakier body.
It couldn’t be that hard, surely? After all, he could clearly control every other part he’d been saddled with; he even wrangled the ability to willfully wiggle his ears and flick the fur flowing from his backside without force. All these really are is an extension to his exterior, a few more feathery limbs fastened to his back. A set of limbs that could shoot him into the sky…
…And plummet to a splatter on the ground.
Shit.
At least they looked pretty strong, considering they had to compensate for his incredibly bulky body. Maybe they'll do most of the work as his brain was busy in freak out land, trying to comprehend a capability humans only achieved in fiction.
“…You lucky prick, ooo, I have to move things with my mind, aww look at me, I lifted this remote by rubbing together the two brain cells in my head, real fucking hard, magic man…” He mocked under his breath, looking over the apple fields. “C’mon Ambrose, you can do this…you can do this…”
“Well then if you can, I’m not seeing a whole lotta effort, Rosey.”
Ambrose looked over, head hanging low. “I…I don’t know, what if I crash? What if I miss the mark and end up breaking something? Or some things?
She smirked to herself, still sifting through radio stations. “Please, she once went face first into some jackass’s front yard. Full speed, front bumper kissing the dirt, wheels splayed out from a broken axle, and she still bounced back,” She looked at him over her sunglasses, “She’s a tough ‘ol bird, there’s nothing you can do to her she hasn’t already gone through with me.”
He pawed the dirt slightly, “Oh, o-ok.”
“Other than deny her a good time, Ambrose. Now, wake her up.”
Ambrose nodded and widened his stance, slowly unfurling his wings to their full form. Just as a big gust hit him head-on, the wind wiggling its way deep within his wingtips, fingering every feather it found…it was so foreign. So exotic. So overwhelming, he quickly snapped them shut, stumbling back as his breath became heavy.
“Heh-heh, yeah, I remember my first time,” She chuckled, leaning into pet the dashboard, “Easy now…shh…shh…it’s ok, he’s a friend.”
Ambrose steadied himself, releasing the tail he had unconsciously tucked between his legs.
“Alrighty Rosey, she’s all antsy now. Don’t leave her hanging, or I’ll have to start calling you Rosebud.”
“Gross, even for you.” Ambrose said, preparing what he assumed was the proper stance once more, crouching down to the equivalent of a runner's stance, “Now what?” He asked, still nervous to the titan of a task before him.
“You gotta put it in drive first,” He exhaled and started a steady trot. “She’s not a cherry, give it some gas.” Turning into a gallop, the wind whipping through his wings, speeding up his scared mind.
Shit, here we go, He thought to himself.
“Easy now, ready?” Ambrose gulped as he closed his eyes. “Now!”
He sprang into the air, franticly flapping his wings to gain altitude. Unfortunately, he had stalled, gaining no lift as he landed on the ground with a hard thud, face first in the dirt. He quickly jumped up to try again…and again…and again, but to no avail, “Son of a bitch!” He shouted, pounding the dirt.
“Language,” She scolded, “Now tell me, what went wrong?”
“What went wrong?” He parroted angrily, “I don’t know, alright? I thought I had the form down, but-arrgh-this is too much!” He buried his face in his hooves, “There’s no way I’ll get off the ground, I'll never stay afloat long enough!”
“How can you tell? You never even began an attempt. You just gave some gas for a few seconds,” He sat in self-pity, secluding himself in his wings. She looked away and smiled. “You’re thinking too hard about all of this.”
“What?” He shouted in shock. “What do you mean thinking too hard? I’m trying to fu…freaking fly here, and you’re saying I’m thinking too hard? Controlling my wings, dealing with the wind, and finding Lou-it’s just…I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, but instead of focusing on the task at hand, you’ve got your head crammed with all this other useless crap. Geez, I can see it seeping out your ears it’s so rancid!” He splayed them in shame, “You gotta relax. That brain is moving a lot faster than the rest of your body. Find a way to get the two of them in sync, find that rhythm, the v-v-v-v-vibrations!” She shook her hips in the seat, making him sway.
“S-Stop it!” He giggled, wings fluttering slightly.
“C’mon, you really gotta f-f-feel it!” She rocked even more, shaking him silly by the shoulders.
“Alright, I’m feeling it!” He jumped, flapping his wings in excitement, falling to the ground once more.
“Slow down, Bandit, let’s get in motion first before we start getting fancy.”
“Right…right,” He calmed down, looking at the long dirt road looming before him. He exhaled deeply, “Ok, I think I’m ready,” He said, looking over. “But…I wouldn't mind a little help? Just to get going?”
She shook her head and smiled, “Still spooked, huh? You sure you’re my son?” Embers of embarrassment stoked on his face, “I’m just kidding, Rosey cheeks, damn!” She slowly stopped laughing. “Ok-ok, enough screwing around,” She gently took his hoof in her hand, softly stroking his fur, “Least I could do is shift you in the right direction.”
“Uh, don’t I need all four limbs to run properly?”
She waved a dismissive hand. “Nah! You’ll be juuust fine, now punch it!”
He blasted from his position like a bullet, barreling down the road. Perhaps the best way to describe it was bumbling since her holding his hoof handicapped him in the rhythm he oh-so-needed. Soon, he picked up speed as he continued to stumble down the straightaway, “This isn’t working, give me my hoof back!”
“Thinking too much, Ambrose! Dump that shit, drain your brain!” She hollered excitedly.
So he did just that, forcing his eyes to focus forward, letting his thoughts trickle to nothing. Fears of failing soon faded away, shakes of sluggish movements were soon snuffed out. Now all that was left was just him, her, and the road.
“Now!” She shouted, signaling some fumbling footwork and gripping of gears to lunge the car forward. The road began to blur, the whole world whizzing past as powerful pistons pulsated through the roaring phoenix, burning all throughout his body.
“Whoa…” He murmured in awe, the feeling of the car rumbling rattling through his hands.
“Alright, Ambrose, next shift!” Slightly better this time, filling him fuller with these new sensations. The speed, the sounds…it was exhilarating.
“Again!” Even smoother as they shifted forward, the thunderous boom of the engine as he pressed on the throttle, “This…is amazing!” He cheered, watching the needle stitch across the speedometer, hoping to tear it all the way to the right.
“Ha, see? I told you, scaredy cat!” She said as he kept laughing in excitement, “But don’t get cocky now, we still got another shift to go!”
He didn’t even need to think about it this time, shifting forward as the car climb in speed, careening down the road. He couldn’t but smile with glee. He was right where he needed to be, behind the wheel of this speed demon. It was who he was meant to be.
“Woohoo! Way to go, Rosey!” She proudly hugged his arm, “You’re really kicking ass now…even at 40 miles per hour.”
“Yes-yes-yes! And to think I was so scared!” He laughed, leaning back in his seat. “But luckily, I had you here to help.”
“Me?” She giggled, “I didn’t help on nothing. That was all you, Rosey.”
Confused, Ambrose looked to his hand, noticing it’d taken on a golden hue, “Huh?” He looked back at the wheel, seeing it’d now stretched and separated into apple trees, rows and rows stretching out over the horizon. As he looked down at the orchard, he caught on to a rhythmic flapping on each side of his body. He slowly looked back, his eyes climbing up…and down…up…down. He couldn’t believe it…he was…
“Flying…I’m flying…I’M FLYING!” He shouted in amazement, spinning around in glee to glimpse at his wings beating, the feeling cascading all over his face with a bright smile, “Mom! Mom! Look, I’m flying! I’m actually fly-“ He looked beside him.
“…Mom?”
He searched frantically, but she was nowhere to be found. Because she was never anywhere to begin with. Everything that’d just unfolded was mere figments of his imagination.
But there was something, a visage of a face flickering through the faded orange patterns in the clouds. She gave him one last smile before they slowly dispersed into a clear sky, revealing the rest of the apple farm to his search.
He gave a small one in return as a tiny tear treaded down his cheek, “Thank you.” He whispered, and flew off towards the rest of the fields.
"Vanilla? Where are you, Vanilla Fudge?"
That name. The one he once thought a lazy joke spurred from his childish lashing the night of the brownies...now it sounded more like his death sentence. In fact, every event he’d experienced today had become a waking nightmare. Being dragged around to destinations unknown by those who had ripped him from his home…his life. Instead crafting their own fantasies, forcing freaked out friend into the roles of romantics. I mean, he cared for Ambrose without a doubt, but he didn’t care for him that way!
Last night’s dream was dripping into his reality. Because here he was once again hiding amongst the trees, while a ferocious beast patrolled the skies for its next feast. Out of all the apples it could crave, only the bruised and battered could satisfy its appetite. Sucking out his soul and spitting the remains like seeds before returning to heel at its mares. Its masters.
They must have Ambrose secluded somewhere; maybe there’s a dungeon under the castle, clamped to cold walls by chains as rats wait for him to rot so they could dine on his well-balanced corpse. Plenty of protein, that’s for sure. This damn fake, to think he was ever a believer of these deceivers, creating tales they subjected his tail to. Well, you know what? Enough is enough! Time to grip those gonads he was so graciously gifted and do some man shit!
“Hey!” He shouted, slowly surfacing from his hiding spot.
The figure stopped and turned to him, a sadistic smile appearing, “There you are!” It floated down to his level, “You have no idea how good it is to finally find you, Lou.”
“You too, man. You too, real apple of my eye you are.” He said flatly.
“Ha ha, funny,” It said lightly, “What the hell got you so spooked? And why would run all the way out here no less…who knows what kind of animals are waiting out here.”
“Oh yeah, Ambrose, I got spooked alright, right down to my core.” He continued, slowly sauntering over to a tree.
“Uh…ok…” It said, mimicking an uneasy tone. “Well c’mon, let’s get out of here and make amends. Best we can do now with you leaving like that.”
“Leave?” He snorted, “Yeah, I took my leave, then I took this leaf, and that leaf,” He picked up a few in his hooves, “I needed to take all of these leaves…”
He was confusing the creature, throwing it off its rhythm, “So…is that why you’re out here in the trees?”
“Yes absolutely,” He continued, “I needed something sturdy, something strong. And an apple tree was indeed the answer, man, bearing fruit ripe and ready!”
“…What the fuck are you talking about-“ A sharp knock silenced the demon, as he heaved a hard buck into the tree behind him, “What the-what are you doing, Lou?”
“I know exactly what I’m doing, it’s you who has made a slip, you fucking she-demon!” He said, as the tree shook violently.
"Wait, what?" It responded in surprise.
“That's right! You should’ve done your homework, bitch! Thinking I would fall for your tricks? Ambrose doesn’t even know how to fly!” He exclaimed, pointing an accusatory hoof.
Bam, got ‘em! The creature quickly became flustered, fumbling around for an impossible comeback. All it could muster was a shrug of its shoulders and a nervous chuckle, “Heh heh…uh, guess who just learned they could?”
A weak response, leaving Louis strong as he waited for ammo to appear from the trees, dozens of fruit ready to fling, it’s game time!
…Time for a couple shells to shiver off their branches.
He watched as they bounced around before rolling unceremoniously at his hooves, “…what?”
“Please don't, I’m not in the mood for this again…” It started to fly towards him, making its move!
“Stay back!” He warned, loading the munitions in his magic, “I’m armed!...Hooved!...Apple-d!”
“Lou, you’re embarrassing yourself, just-oof!”
Right on point! The sweet shrapnel of skin spraying across its body! “How do you like them apples?” He stuck out his tongue, then sprinted down the other direction.
“Why you little-come here!”
The chase commenced, as Louis threw himself around every turn, zig-zagging between the tree lines and doubling back when he could to create confusion. All the while still launching trebuchets as he stripped them from the branches, hoping to pelt his pursuer into submission. Each throw was a little more accurate than the last…though the broad side of a barn still proved a formidable threat.
On the other hand, Ambrose was busy trying to dip and dart around the fruity debris on defense. Flicking his feathers and twisting his torso worked well, even managing to catch a few apples in his hooves. It was exhilarating, but exerting all this energy quickly turned to exhaustion as his wings struggled to stay in sync.
“What’s the matter…getting tired?” Louis blurted, sweat streaming off of his scalp.
“Louis, please…I’m trying to help you!” Ambrose sputtered, nearly running into multiple branches.
“Like hell you are, you ain’t sucking my soul!” Louis responded, ripping another apple from the trees. As it was pulled into his magical grip, so to did an idea grip his brain.
“Dude, c’mon, just stop!” Ambrose shouted with force, making his body unstable.
Now was his chance, “Oh I’ll stop…stop you!” In one swift motion, Louis stopped and swiveled on a single hoof. He pulled the apple in his aura taut like a slingshot, shooting straight as an arrow!
Ambrose was too tired to avoid. The apple cannonball clipped his wing, stalling him into a speedy spiral, toppling his aerial supremacy.
“Eat shit, asshole! Have a nice fall!” He mocked, wearing a wicked grin. And Ambrose did fall, just not where he’d hoped, since he was going to be the safety net.
Ambrose attempted to steer away best he could, but it was no use as he slammed into Louis, sending them both head-over-hoof into a roll. Eventually coming to a stop, atop one another amidst annihilated apples and torn up acres.
“Smooth moves, featherbrain, you did that on purpose!” Louis snapped, squirming to slip free.
“Oh yeah, I totally meant to get shot out of the sky by some manic marksman…who can’t aim for shit.” Ambrose grunted.
“Hmph, still tagged you when it mattered, didn’t I?”
“How’s that working out for you?” Ambrose retorted to his buried friend.
“Just get off of me.” Louis muttered in defeat.
Many grunts and struggles of annoyance could be heard as the two tried to untangle themselves from the ground.
“Hey, watch it, man!”
“How about you watch where you stick that horn!”
“Augh-there’s apple pulp here…”
“Easy-easy, you’re on my wing!”
“Ack-gross, it’s in my mouth!”
“Stop, don’t pull it!”
“I’m trying to get myself out, man.”
“Well don’t do it yet, it’s still stuck! Move a little that way!”
“…There, better?”
“Much better.”
“Good, let’s try that again.”
"Aha!" Cried a completely new voice, as both their bodies were immediately illuminated, "Got ya now, ya good for...nothing...varmints..." A shocked southern drawl dragging out the final word.
They looked over the stranger, standing there with a light by her side. A normal pony-no frills, feathers or horn-of an orange coat and blonde mane, and giant green eyes popping out from a freckle speckled face.
"H-Hello there." Ambrose squeaked, followed by a suffocating silence as they continued to stare at each other.
Louis broke the stalemate as a peculiar question appearing in his mind...
A group had gathered at an unsuspecting country home, whose foundation was fertilized atop a hill overlooking a painted lake of orange. The house repeated the same materials as those back in town; a single story, a handful of rooms, both of necessity and leisure. Windows wiped to be crystal clear, allowing the inhabitants to experience the full satisfaction of a stunning sunrise, as well as the various plants sitting idly in their sills. The property held a somewhat peaceful presence within it, something that could be said for the other houses all over town, but each owner finds a specific detail that makes theirs shine the most. The one thing that separates them from all the rest. For now, that was the door carved in an alien hand, etching a sequence of numbers…
5-1-5-0
Standing outside was a quartet of mares with a solidarity stallion standing as their guest vocalist. None of them were singing on key, as a frustrated farmer was overpowering their newest members, who themselves with struggling to stay in sync with each other, much less matching the other mares.
“It was a self-defense situation, you must understand.” Louis said about as calm as he could, attempting to make his case.
“Self-defense? You call throwing mah family’s stock all over the orchards self-defense?” Her nostrils flared as she held up her own evidence, the mutilated mush of what was once a proud red apple.
“Listen, man, if there is a situation where my life is in danger, the methods in which I defend myself are irrelevant, alright?” Louis stated. “This act on my life, this hit and run, will not stand…nor will it fly.”
“Irrelevant?” She repeated with a shout. “You stripped countless rows and torn up chunks of the fields! What was sooo dangerous to your life ya needed do all that to keep it away?”
“Doctors.”
“What?”
“It was me, Applejack,” She turned to Ambrose, “I’m the one he was afraid of. I was looking for him earlier and spooked him on accident, ended up having to chase him all through the orchard just to calm him down. I didn’t know he threw around that many apples, sorry for the damages.”
Applejack was studying over his statement, poking and prodding like a polygraph. Ambrose couldn’t blame her, kinda hard to trust someone when they and their paranoid friend start screwing with your property when all you’re trying to do is make an honest day pay. That was something he could relate to, seeing as he was the only one making any sort of salary.
But he didn’t pass completely, as her stern eyes remained which the rest of her face softened, “And why did you two pick mah land to have your little cat and mouse game?”
“We were all looking for him, Applejack,” This time Twilight chimed in, “We’ve been searching all over Ponyville for quite a while now. We were originally at Sugarcube Corner getting a late afternoon snack after a quick tour around town, and let’s just say Pinkie was acting a little too…Pinkie at the time.” She finished sheepishly looking at Louis.
“…Ah, I see,” Applejack cleared her throat. “Well, I can’t say I totally blame ya. She can be quite ah hoof-full when you’re first getting to know her. I remember when I did,” She shuddered slightly. “So much confetti, thought ah never get rid of it.”
That didn’t comfort Louis as much as she intended, “You mean to tell me that’s how she is normally?” All three nodded in unison, “Oooh man…” He groaned. Now I have to be on the lookout for some psycho pony on an eternal sugar high.
“But don’t worry, her Pinkie-ness dials down over time. She’s just extra friendly when it comes to newcomers, that’s all.” Starlight tried to amend, which still had the opposite effect on him. Now he was being told he was just going to have to tolerate her and wait for the impact of her insanity to become numb until he felt nothing anymore. Maybe that’s why she’s so hyper. She was taking everyone else’s energy.
Applejack grunted upon hearing her comment, muttering to herself, “You wanna talk about ponies getting friendly, ooo-wee…”
After a brief discussion, Louis and Ambrose managed to make up their messy introduction with Applejack, but it came at a cost. To compensate for the carnage caused on her farm, they were now saddled with a debt of bits…
…Bits of what exactly they weren’t sure, as she needed to take inventory of apples lost, as well as further damage to her land, equipment, and soiled…soil. Once that was accounted for, she would send them a letter with the total amount. All in all, they ended their first encounter far more friendly than anticipated. With a tip of her hat and a flick of her tail, Applejack walked back home, whistling along the way.
The Lights were a different story, seeing as they had made complete asses of themselves on their first real outing in this world. If this one was terrible, who knows what kind of travesties occurred in the tall tale made up in Pinkie’s head. And with one of their known associates being an alicorn princess of all friendship, they would be severe consequences for causing a not-so-friendly scene.
“Whew, what a day,” Twilight huffed, “Not everypony’s introduction to Ponyville is that adventurous…or tiresome,” She added, shaking out her wings. “Or should I just call it sightseeing? Since you two have already moved in with your welcoming party from Pinkie-“
“We’re sorry to you, as well.” Ambrose said, which caught her by surprise.
“Huh?”
“Really, we are. We’re sorry for making you go through all of this when you first found us in the Everfree. You girls gave us a nice room in the castle, a warm breakfast, and even a personal tour of the town. All of this was so nice. The fact we’d already moved in had completely slipped my mind at that moment. We didn’t want to be rude, so we didn’t correct ourselves when we really should’ve.”
“And we weren’t exactly the best guests on that tour either…” Louis added, “We made complete fools of ourselves today, especially when it came to your friends,” He looked to the ground in shame, “Making a scene a Sugarcube, and then going on to destroy Applejack’s fields…”
“We know it won’t change anything now, but we really are sorry,” Ambrose looked down. “And we’re ready for whatever punishment you two have planned.”
The two mares didn’t respond to either of them, just blank stares shooting out from their big, glassy eyes. They couldn’t find any emotion on the equines, most likely in shock their peasantry could be so keen at bending the knee in the face of peril. They were just as surprised themselves, but there’s not much they could do in their current state; Ambrose only had wings, and he’d just started flying a few hours ago, Louis being story when working his magic. These two were obviously far more skilled in their senses, one of them obtaining both of their abilities, so there’s no way they would win in that department. Perhaps Ambrose could outclass them when it came to strength. However, hitting any form of hierarchy would just result in a more severe sentence. Just bite the bullet, deal with this aftermath, and see if they can get out in one piece.
The mares made their decision, with their eyes shifting to look at each other. Then a giggle. Then a snort. Then they burst out laughing, making Louis and Ambrose look at each other in confusion.
“…No no no, you got it all wrong, we’re not mad at you!” Starlight composed herself enough to say.
“Y-You’re not?” Ambrose asked, looking up nervously.
“Not at all! That’s what I was trying to tell you back at Sugarcube, Mellow.”
“And even if we were, did you really think we were gonna throw you in a dungeon because of a few mishaps?” Twilight joked.
“I, well-um…maybe?”
“Please, those are minuscule compared to what we usually have to deal with.” Starlight said, waving a hoof.
“Yeah, you didn’t even try to drain Ponyville of all it’s magic for your own evil schemes, or attempt to take us over from within using your own personal army,” Twilight giggled, “All you did really was surprise Pinkie and throw a couple apples around.”
“Those are oddly specific scenarios,” Louis said, looking at her with slight confusion. “But I guess it wasn’t that catastrophic.”
“Plus, the whole staying at the castle thing was really our idea,” Starlight corrected, “It’s no big deal, honestly. I’ve learned it does you good to help somepony else in need from time to time, and find a way to sprinkle some happiness into their lives.” As she said this, her horn sparkled, pulling out the bag she’d kept safe at Ambrose’s request. Though it was really more of an order.
Ambrose was rather pleased with this, “Well-well-well, so you did keep an eye on them, how sweet of you.” He joked, causing a casual eye-roll from Starlight.
“I thought you guys would’ve just eaten mine yourselves, man. Thanks for holding onto it.” Louis said this with a genuine smile, which didn’t go unnoticed by the mares.
“Of course! Anything for a friend.” Starlight responded cheerfully, laying the bag at his hooves.
Louis’s eyes opened fully. “We’re…friends now?”
“Sure…well, we’d really like to be at least. You two seem like nice ponies, aside from when you’re not causing destruction of property.” Twilight said. “How about it then, friends?”
Louis looked to Ambrose, who gave him a just go with it shrug, “Sure…friends.” He nodded.
“Great!” Twilight looked starward, seeing them begin to speckle the sky, “We should get going now, Spike’s probably wondering what we’re doing out this late, and you probably want us out of your manes,“ She chuckled. “You two get some rest now, see you soon!” They both gave a wink to the pony they spent the most time with that day.
“Oh, and one more thing, I suggest you get on Applejack’s good side sooner rather than later, could get you some pretty good deals come harvest time. Wink-wink.” Starlight added slyly. And with a flash, they finally disappeared.
Louis exhaled in relief. “About time they left, one more second of that and I was gonna explode,” He turned to Ambrose. “So…about that whole she-demon thing…”
“Inside.” Ambrose ordered, pointing a stern hoof. “Inside. Sit down. No more freaking out.”
Louis’s ears splayed as he shambled to the front door, only to realize the most obvious problem. “…We don’t have a key.”
Ambrose thought for a second. “Check the mat.”
Louis lifted the mat and surprise-surprise, guess what was there. He groaned as he took the key within his magic and cranking it in the lock. “Open sesame.” Giving the door an unenthused push.
As it slowly panned over, they took note of the house’s structure, furnishings, and other knick-knacks people feel the need to fill their homes with to make them whole. This first room was a living room, with a couch placed against the wall as a few windows helped the single light hanging above illuminate the room, showing shelves and pictured placed along the walls. Two walkways were present, one for a kitchen and another leading down a hallway.
And right smack dab in the middle of the room was a coffee table. With a baking sheet.
With a baking sheet holding a very certain set of sweets.
Brownies.
“I take it back. You can freak out now.”
“The same! The same, it’s all the fucking same!” Louis screamed as he scurried all over the house, checking every cabinet and searching every shelf. And he was right, everything about this house was an exact carbon copy of the one they were just removed from, say the exception of digital appliances; most notably the TV, which had been replaced with a pair of bookshelves and an oriental fireplace. But other than those slight changes, it was almost like they never left.
Ambrose sat motionless in the middle of the living room. His living room. The one he’d been living in for years, something he’d worked long and hard for, a monument to all his efforts throughout his life. Every last follicle of fur was standing on end. His skeleton was beginning to shake. For the first time during this ordeal, even when the transformation first started, did he feel small. Completely out of control. Powerless. And it was the most horrifying feeling he’d ever felt in his entire life.
“Everything’s the same!” Louis snatched him out of his thoughts, shaking him by the shoulders, “Every-fucking-thing! It’s-they know…they fucking know, man,” He took on a grave tone, eyes glistening slightly, “They…they know who we are…what we are. We’re…we’re not getting out of here. Everything about us…they…” He slumped, his head collapsing onto Ambrose’s chest, “Why? Why us…what have we done to deserve this-this hell-at the whim of these pony things? I don’t understand…I just…why?”
He finally broke, the damage to the dam of his mind was far too great. Crumbling into a hysterical heap, wrapping his hooves around Ambrose as he began to cry uncontrollably.
Ambrose didn’t say anything, slowly putting his arms around Louis as well, causing him to squeeze even tighter, “H-home…” He whispered through his weeping, “…I wanna go…home…”
“I…I know Lou,” Ambrose tried to comfort him, “Me too…me too…” Subconsciously, he’d spread his wings and draped them around Louis, suppressing some of the shakes.
“…This is it, we’re f-fucked, m-man…” Louis continued to mutter to himself, “Amby…we can’t…I can’t…” There was nothing they could do, no way to fight back.
Ambrose wanted to tell him he would be ok, that they were gonna make it out of this, but the last thing they needed was lie to each other. He was mistaken in his idea to mosey through their town at first before coming up with a real plan. They had full control from the very start, these ponies were world warping force to be reckoned with.
He felt his ears twitch as they’d sensed a new sound, a soft whinnying from his chest mixed in with the sniffs and tears. He was slightly confused…until he felt one of his hooves slowly make its way through Louis’s mane, his spine shivering with each stroke, “…oh…oops.” Ambrose murmured, realizing he’d been petting Louis. He went to pull his arm away, hearing a small cry of protest from the pony before him.
“No…it’s ok, it feels really nice…” Louis whimpered, closing his eyes as he nuzzled Ambrose’s chest, “…keep going, please.” He remembered something similar occurred in his head before, but at this point he couldn’t care anymore. With all of these terrible events in reality, bringing in a moment of bliss from his dreams would do just fine.
Ambrose silently agreed as his arm raked once more down his mane. His face slightly red from the whole affair, considering he was tending to Louis like an animal. A very…fluffy animal. He didn’t know if it had something to do with the fact he was a unicorn or what, but his coat was incredibly cozy. Super soft, almost like that of a stuffed toy. Better fit for a child’s bedroom rather than the harsh work horses are usually subjected to. Though for a unicorn, that didn’t seem too big of an issue. Most farm type jobs seemed to be reserved for normal horses, while the unicorns were busy tending to storefronts or restaurants of a some variety.
They’d sat there for a few minutes in solace until Ambrose’s arm swung a little too high, scrapping Louis’s ear.
Louis jumped in shock, flashing out of his grasp and reappearing behind the couch, “Don’t!” He shouted with intense worry in his voice, “Just…don’t touch me there. Brings up bad visions, man.” Ambrose’s wings folded as the rest of his body slumped, “No no, don’t be upset, you didn’t know…no way you could’ve. Just…” He looked over to the hall, “I need to go get some things, be right back.” He muttered as he made his way through the house.
Ambrose watched as he rounded the corner, leaving him alone in the living room. Though Louis had left his grasp, he could still feel the warmth of body spread out all around him; down his arms, along the tips of his wings, and most prominently his chest. He stared down, watching the slight cycling motions of his breathing, the thermal presence moving with the contractions of his ribcage. A hoof slowly moved its way upward, coming to rest on his heart. The faint pumps filled his body with a very perplexing sensation.
His whole body had been overcome by this sense of satisfaction. Relief. Like he’d done something he’d wanted to do…again, for a very, very long time. In all of this turmoil, it was the single action that’d finally brought him something to cling on to, as the blush on his face remained unmoved. Why was this here, and why now of all times?
It was something she couldn’t answer.
Gah! Ambrose quickly stood up. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m here for one day, and I’m already letting my nerves take over. He shook his head, going over and sitting on the couch.
“Hey-hey!” Louis said in a slightly chipper tone, appearing from the hallway, “Gotta give one thing to those ponies, not missing a detail can actually have its perks.” He jumped into the room, tossing the tray of the cursed pastries aside and throwing a box on the coffee table. It had a label, scrawled out in a cheap marker with an unsteady hand, Only smoke in case of emergency.
Taking a long, very much needed drag, Louis attempted to inhale as much as he could, filling his lungs to the brim and only puffing out a pint amount.
“Ahh…that’s more like it…” He sighed, leaning back on the couch. He turned the Ambrose, “Would you like to have a word with Miss Mary Jane here?”
He waved a hoof in rejection, “Nah, I think it’s best I don’t have any of that right now.”
Louis shrugged, “Hmph, well I think it’s best for the both of us that I have one of these right now. Absolutely in our best interest,” He said in a much calmer tone, “Alright…I think we can both agree, the plan of playing along wasn’t a perfect plan.”
“Agreed,” Ambrose responded, “It wasn’t much of a plan anyway.”
“If anyone was playing anybody, it was them. Shit, man, they played us good…played us like fucking fiddles.”
“Played us like fools.”
“Yeah, that too, I certainly acted like one,” Louis looked to the ceiling, “I…you were right. Panicking and spazzing out wasn’t gonna get us anything. Feels like we just repeated what happened yesterday, still somewhere unknown, with those two ponies, and ending up in debt at the end of the day once more.” Making a sweeping motion with his arms for dramatics before taking another hit. It was a bit awkward trying to keep the joint in his muzzle, but it still managed to work.
“Right back where we started…” Ambrose looked around the room, “I guess going home is off the table now, seeing as home was brought here,” Dim smile, “Never thought I’d be so unnerved by the sight of my own house.”
Louis slowly exhaled, smoke billowing out from the strands in his face, “So…why us then? I don’t see them trying to snatch anyone else from Earth. There’s still eight billion lumbering around and still growing. Wouldn’t exactly call them the most successful aliens when it comes to abductions…I mean, I don’t look like a cow, do I?” He eyed his spotted coat.
“Who knows, maybe we’re the lucky ones.”
“I prefer unlucky. I don’t have hands anymore.”
“You have a horn, Lou.” Ambrose pointed to his forehead.
Louis looked up, “So?”
“You can still levitate stuff, it’s basically the same thing,” Ambrose pondered for a second, “…And you can teleport!”
“I don’t mean to,” Louis coughed, “I don’t have any control over that, man, it just…happens, like if I go thinking about something this way and then do another thing I can-oh man, this is insane, listen to ourselves! Look at ourselves, we’re ponies!”
“Lou, we’ve already been through this-“
“I’m just saying!” Louis cut off, “You can fly…I can control magic, just a day ago, we were humans…physically at least. It’s-there’s still a lot to process here.” He finished, propping his head upon the arm of the couch.
Ambrose shifted a bit, “Yeah, it’s…pretty crazy.”
Louis caught his tone, looking him over with a suspicious gaze, “…You enjoyed flying, didn’t you, Amby?”
His eyes widened, “W-Who me?” He looked away, “Well, I don’t know, maybe…kinda sorta.”
“Yeeeaaaah you did,” Louis said, laying down on the couch, his head at Ambrose’s seated hooves, “You like using these wings of yours, having the soft winds whip all around you…your mane blowing behind you as you go faster…faster…faster-“
“Ok fine!” Ambrose threw his hooves up, “I like flying, alright? You got me! For the five fucking minutes I was up there, happy?”
“Awww,” Louis stroked a wing like a giddy parent, “My little Amby took his first flight. I’m so proud of you!” He blew a little smoke up into Ambrose’s face, “I can picture it now, seeing you prancing about the clouds like the petite little pony you are!”
“Only to get knocked down by some asshole throwing apples at me,” Ambrose looked down at him, “Hmm, perhaps he’s jealous of my aerial capabilities.” He finished smugly.
Louis pointed up at him with a silly smile, “Just you wait, man. One day I’m gonna go and get a pair of wings just like Twilight, then I’ll be right up there with you. I’ll become my own form of royalty, the Prince of apple throwing!” They both laughed for a while; a mixture between their utterly ridiculous situation and the introduction of foreign substances sustained an atmosphere of pure hilarity. It nearly made them forget where they were for a moment.
Nearly. Until a horse snort sounded off between the two, causing them to quickly calm down.
“Ok…ok,” Louis gasped through the giggles, “We need to get an actual plan here before we start enjoying all of this too much.” The obvious thing would be how to get off of this…planet? Dimension? Maybe, just maybe, it was still somehow connected to the psychedelics and they were just overreacting?
…No, don’t go thinking like that, you’ll just get more of the same…
“I say…we handle this debt to the farmer first. At least that’s something real, and achievable, for the time being.” Louis said, sitting up on the couch, “While we’re doing that, we can start scheming on how we can get ourselves out of here.”
Ambrose nodded, “Sounds reasonable…” He sat there for a moment, letting the reality of that situation take into effect, “…We gotta get jobs.”
“That’s if someone’s willing to hire me this time around, man. Instead of looking at these pesky things like criminal records and previous work experience, I can be a very valuable asset to whoever’s looking.” Louis responded.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure there’s some pony out there looking for your…skills,” Ambrose said, “I highly doubt American rap sheets-“
“Falsely accused!”
“…Falsely accused rap sheets are going to carry over through magic pony land,” He scratched his chin, “Rainbow Dash mentioned something about a weather team, I’ll ask her if I can join in on that.”
Louis dropped what was left of the joint in an ashtray, “Guess I could go over and ask Twilight if she’s got something I can do…think she mentioned about me cooking another time, guess I could be a chef for her? Or maybe she needs a-uh…dragon-sitter? Couldn’t be that hard, maybe he’s like a dog.”
“A dog that thinks and talks for itself,” Ambrose said, “Oh yeah, and he can burn you to a crisp.”
“Just a bump in the road, Amby.”
“Whatever, it’s your funeral...literally.”
The two sat quietly for a while, now letting this new scheme solidify in their minds. Remove all distractions from their lives, then focus the rest of your resources on their primary goal of getting back home. It was a way of thinking introduced to them by those with far more experience playing the world's games. You let little problems stack onto each other over and over; suddenly, you’ll find yourself crushed under the weight of complications of your own creation. The single straw that snaps the camel’s back, guess it would be the pony’s back this time around.
Speaking of which, there was…one thing they’d wanted to talk about, something they’d waited till it was just the two of them to discuss…
“I feel like we’re forgetting about something.” Ambrose thought out loud.
“Are we?” Louis asked him, “Uh…oh yeah! The cupcakes!” He snatched the bag in his aura, ripping out the two treats in question, “I’ve had my fill of brownies for a long time, time for a real snack!”
Ambrose smiled, “Yes! Quick gimmie mine, I’ve wanted to eat it all night!”
Unconsciousness was always a disappointment to Ambrose, especially when it came to dreams.
Often they would be nothing more but the same blank void of black, with no form of transparency until it he was required once more into the realm of reality. The only noticeable difference would be the period between the blinks; sometimes it would be 5 hours, other times it was 5 seconds.
He’s sure someone would be ecstatic to poke at this issue. Maybe a psychiatrist would lay him out on one of those couches they so often employ-just comfortable enough to keep you laying there, but just stiff enough to keep your nerves needlessly frayed. Right where they would want you, keep you engaged with their ability to make these superhuman leaps in logic, connecting some slight childhood conundrum to major traumatic troubles affecting him as an adult. All the while, penning down prescriptions to professional pushers on a cheap clipboard and a fancy looking fountain pen attempting to install this image of intelligence. Those were the kind of drugs manufactured with addiction at the forefront to keep an institution of elite families' pockets nice and plump. He wanted nothing to do with that racket ever, an offense that is never taken lightly.
As punishment for his transgressions, Ambrose was once again shuffling around Sweet Apple Acres, the cold blades of nature cutting deep into his hooves with frigid force. The only thing protecting him from penetration was the perma-coat that’d been grafted onto him recently.
He was growing tired of continually treading vaguely known yet utterly alien territory. How he longed for a single second of what was once dubbed normalcy. However insane human life ever turned out to be, it was far more manageable than the cartoonish psychosis he’d been picking through. Even with Louis’s previous experiences, so to speak, nothing could’ve prepared him for this. Complete isolation in the crowds, and now even further closed off within his head.
A series of sharp cracks cut through the constant chirps of crickets, “Who’s there?” He huffed, his face heavy with bitterness.
“Nice to see you too, man,” Said an exhausted voice as its figure tiptoed from behind a tree, “Here I thought you’d enjoy a little company on your weary travels. Guess that’s what I get for assuming, huh?”
A wave of great relief washed over Ambrose, “Oh, it’s just you, Lou.” This wasn’t their daily drive down the highway, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“Yup, it’s just little ol’ Lou,” Finding a little humor in his name. Louis was still in his pony form, casually trotting up to him, “Just on the lookout for a big ol’ pegasus, you know where they might be? I come bearing important news…”
Ambrose gave him a cheeky smile, “News? Like what, you’ll do us all a favor and be levelheaded from here on out?”
Louis gave him one of his long, lazy nods, “Oh yeah, this time I got my head screwed on straight, and it paid off big time,” His eyes narrowed with a cocky grin, “We got something.”
“We? Who else is here with you?”
Louis tapped his hoof, as if signaling from afar, “It’s us, Mellow!” Said a different but just as familiar voice. Basking within a bright pink aura was the pair of perpetually pestering mares, along with their southern comfort.
“You girls? But-what are you doing here, what are we doing here?”
Twilight cocked her head in exaggerated confusion, the kind employed when people ask questions whose answers they already knew, “What do you mean, Mellow? We’re just doing as you asked, out on the hunt…”
“And you told me to look after your sweets…very succulent sweets…” Starlight added on, licking her lips in anticipation.
“Wait, why? I thought we were already done with all that?”
“We sure are, Sugarcube!” Applejack hollered, “That’s why we sent Vanilla here to come get ya!”
“And that I did,” Louis finished for her as if standing underneath an invisible spotlight, “Because like I told you, we got something, alright. We got them.” He said in a sinister tone, one he’d never took before.
Uneased, he took a couple steps back, “And…what would that be exactly?”
The ponies all looked at each other-a look of sheer disbelief-before erupting into a massive fit of laughter, causing a massive flock of birds to be frightened out of their foliaged cover, flying high to cover up the bright glare of the moon.
“Oh man, that’s a good one, Mellow! You really crack me up!” Louis’s laughter quickly ceased, replaced by a far more serious voice, “Show her, Starlight.”
Doing as commanded, Starlight’s horn flashed, summoning a couple objects in the middle of their group with a weighted thud, around the same as a body. Ambrose recoiled in surprise, his wings nearly opening to fly away on instinct, “What the…what are these?”
He was swiftly answered by the sound of muffled screaming. His muffled screaming.
As the birds finally cleared the sky, the striking shine of the moon slammed down onto them. Ambrose nearly spasmed in horror, his skeleton ripping in 6 different directions.
There on the ground before him…was him and Louis. Both in human form, both tied up in gagged, both terrified for their lives.
“Nice going Applejack, you tied these varmints up pretty good.” The Vanilla horse joked, poking his own human body in childish amusement.
“Why thank ya, Vanilla, it weren’t no thing.” She gave a light bow of pride in her craft. Louis wasn’t as pleased with her handiwork, making it known through his screaming through the rope, most likely a long list of choice expletives at her expense.
“Quiet you.” Vanilla’s horn signaled the rope to tighten even further around his jaw, nearly splitting his head in two.
“I’ll admit, I didn’t think you’d be able to take down the big one, guess I lost that bet.” Twilight huffed in disappointment. Starlight grinned in victory, revealing a set of gnarly fangs.
Ambrose was frozen, attempting to process just what he was looking at. Not only was his human version here, tied up like prized game, but it seems now that these ponies had singled him out for only malicious purposes. That friendship they had yearned for had been revealed to only be fiend-ship.
“Well girls…heh, and stallion,” Applejack joked, her eyes now glowing a sickly green in the dark, “Ah say it’s ‘bout time for the harvest.”
“Indeed it is,” Twilight agreed, her tongue unfurling into a fork, “Who wants to start us off?” This made the two humans look at each other before squirming even harder to shear themselves of their stringy captors. Alas, it wasn’t the only thing keeping them stationary, as an eerie mist of magical creation was casting over them.
“Ooo, I’ll gladly take the reigns,” Vanilla spoke in a gravelly, monstrous voice-as if multiple vocals were speaking in unison. Suddenly, Louis’s aura shifted from a mischievous magenta to a grimy gold, as Vanilla trotted over to him, relishing in every second of his suffering.
“L-Louis…w-wait…” Ambrose croaked. Trying to move his head, his legs, his wings…anything.
“Wait?” Vanilla mocked, “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that, Mellow. He won’t be doing anything…except serving his purpose.” Before Ambrose could respond, Vanilla had stopped right at Louis’s head, “So, you think you can just go around pretending to be and Mellow here? That you can just take what is rightfully ours and leech off us like the disgusting, filthy parasites you are?” Louis started to scream through his ropes, thrashing around with FUCK YOU being heard as the horse lifted it’s hoof.
Vanilla smiled, his own fangs glowing in the moonlight, “Well…here’s what I think about THAT!” And slammed his hoof straight into Louis’s skull with a sickening crunch, exploding into a vast array of bone and brain shrapnel, blood and mush covering him completely.
Ambrose could hear his own blood-curdling scream from his muzzled mouth, eyes filled with enraged tears as his bound legs began kicking around.
“Hmph! So long, you damn fake!” Vanilla sent off with an upturned nose, grinding his hoof into the ground, the gore around him now appearing as the crushed core of an apple, with sauce continuing to shoot out from the stem of his neck. “Girls…” He wiped some of the matter from his face, giving his hoof a long lick, “…dig in.”
The mares all gave delighted, demonic hisses as they pounced onto the twitching corpse, tearing open its stomach and ripping the limbs into tiny pieces. Slurping up intestines like spaghetti and gnawing on the layers of flesh to find the delicious meat underneath. Twilight was busy trying to scarf up as much brain matter as possible, maybe trying to revel in those last memories of absolute fear, absorbing the thoughts of a terrified man who could’ve never seen his life ending in such a violent manner. Starlight was busy chewing on his eyeballs like bubblegum, spitting out the stands of nerves that quickly lost their taste as she swished back and forth in her mouth. Applejack was more intrigued by his sternum, snapping off the spikes of ribs, pulling at the meat like prized pork while her eyes constantly shifted towards his spine.
Ambrose’s body had stopped working altogether. The mind was taking up too much blood just to stay conscious that everything else lagged behind. These ponies were…eating his best friend, bones and all. Once they were finished with their feast, Louis would only be left as a slowly fading memory…never here. Gone.
And he was next.
“Go on, Mellow. This one’s all ours.” Vanilla had slid up next to him, gracefully grazing his fur and flicking his flank with his tail. The Ambrose on the ground didn’t even bother to look at them, closing his eyes tight as he continued to cry.
“C’mon now, he’s practically begging you to do it. Think about how strong his essence will make you,” Vanilla ran a hoof down Ambrose’s chest, tussling his fur a bit, “Your biceps even bigger…your flying even faster…your eyes even prettier,” Ambrose felt him give a slow affectionate lick on his cheek, “Now go on, claim what is yours.”
“…I…I…”
“Mmm…I bet he tastes like a Golden Delicious, just like you.” Vanilla whispered into his ear.
“…I can’t do this…” Was the only thing Ambrose could answer with, his last line of defense to keep himself safe from annihilation.
Vanilla gave him a long stare, surprised by his strange comment. Then he smiled, “Oh, I see. You want me to prepare him? I thought getting him would be enough to please you,” He shrugged, walking over to human Ambrose. “I guess I could put in a little more hoof-work, but just this once.”
Ambrose looked down to the pools of blood surrounding him, noticing he too had taken on a dreadfully demonic visage, “…No…”
Vanilla raised his hoof once more, gore still glistening from its tip.
“…Don’t.”
With a fiery rage in his eye, he snarled, “Goodbye!”
“ENOUGH!” Roared a powerful, imposing voice. A voice that seemed to come from everywhere. They all looked up to see the moon illuminate to a blinding point, covering the whole world wholly in white. Ambrose put his wings up to block the blast, just in time to see the rest of the ponies quickly burned up into black smolder, crumbling and cracking as they blew away into ash. The rest of the orchard followed suit as the trees whipped with the heavy winds. Their tops twisting and turning into towering mountains of cosmic dust, painted with stars and peppered with asteroids floating all around. The ground slowly faded away…as well as gravity, leaving him floating in the vacuum of space.
As the bright lights dimmed, a single figure descended in its place. One of another pony, much larger than anyone he’d met prior and certainly bigger than him. It seemed to be one with the space around them, as its dark blue fur blended perfectly into the cold palette of space, entire galaxies gleaming from within its ever-blowing mane. Its horn shot out endlessly from its forehead, as did it’s wingspan with them fully extended. A strange set of jewelry adorned on its chest and hoof tips, with a giant crescent moon carved in a shining silver against the onyx metal…similar to the one shown on its flank. And perched atop its head, the jewel of most importance, was a crown.
Once its descent has finished, it gave him a small, gentle smile, “It appears the demon was in dire need of a defanging, hmm?”
It was at this moment Ambrose was reminded he was still alive. Maybe.
“Who…who are you?”
She cleared her throat, “My apologies, sometimes I forget just how disorienting troubling thoughts can be,” She took on a tall, proud stature, “I am Princess Luna, Mellow Yellow. You were having quite the nightmare, it seems.”
Disorienting? Ironically, that was right on the money, “So…that was a dream?” He looked down, seeing an endless drop of planets and dust, “What’s going on here?”
“That’s a question you seem to be asking a lot recently…like you’re repeating yourself?” She asked him in a motherly voice, caressing his ears like a soft childhood blanket.
And with that question, everything finally clicked with Ambrose. He was still asleep, he was still dreaming, and he was having a conversation with his own subconscious. Itself having taken the appearance of this gigantic alicorn royalty, most likely an amalgamation of everything that had occurred that day, all wrapped together within the secondhand smoke. While he was grateful for its intervention to the insanity prior, he wouldn’t have mind if it’d shown up before he witnessed Louis’s head disintegrated…and digested, “I…guess that’s one way you could describe it. Though I feel like it’s an understatement. Every turn I take always leads me to a dead-end, and those who’re leading aren’t helping much either. It’s…it’s like being led astray, this way, that way, it’s just like a-“
“Like a never ending maze?” Her horned glowed, fading in a vision of a small scale version of Apple Acres in her hoof. The columns of the trees were constantly shifting around, closing off the tiny version of Ambrose running around in a panic.
“Exactly,” Ambrose said as his eyes were following the small pony, “Ever since we got here, it been nothing short of high wire act, always on the brink of following over…with the flames getting higher and higher!”
She flicked her hoof, the dynamic diorama disappearing, “Slow down, letting your nerves take hold can easily cloud your judgement, as it may have already.”
Ambrose gave a sheepish smile, “That obvious, huh?”
“When you have watched over dreams for as long as I have, many of my subjects actions can appear obvious, despite the otherworldly imagery,” She laughed, “But, I’m no mind reader. May I ask what the trouble is, my little pony?”
“Uh…well…” He couldn’t understand why he was having all these weird shakes when talking to her. She was nothing more than a part of an overactive imagination. She’s literally a product of him, “I’m worried about his health…his sanity. From the forest to the walk through town and everything between, he’s been on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. I’ve been trying my best to help, to try and get him to see straight, but it hasn’t worked as well as I’d hoped…” He felt another chill down his spine, “I haven’t seen him this…vulnerable in a long time. And the way these other ponies have been acting around him has been extremely invasive. It’s like they’re trying to morph him into how they perceive him, their own image.”
Luna took a moment to process all of this information, covering it up with a slight cough, “Erm…yes, Ponyville is quite the welcoming settlement. Far more friendly than most you’ll find in Equestria,” She floated the severed heads of the demon ponies by her, still snarling and snapping at the drips of Apple sauce dropping from their mouths, “I can see how an unprepared pony can find their behavior…manipulative.” She said in a disgusted tone, making the decapitations disappear before lightening up, “But I can assure you, Twilight and her friends are of no threat to you or Vanilla Fudge…consciously, at least.”
That was a very…unexpected thing for his brain to tell him. Seriously, after everything he’d been through with these weird ponies, even agreeing with him that their behavior was unnerving, it’d decided they weren’t a threat to him? That’s crazy! How could it ever possibly come to that conclusion?
…
Actually, it was pretty easy to when he stopped and thought about it. Out of all the ponies he’d met so far, not one of them had ever steered him in the wrong direction. In fact, Starlight gave him the proper directions he’d need to get around Ponyville, as well as that Roseluck pony. While she wasn’t part of the established revolving door of faces, she still helped him get to the Acres. Honestly, the only one he could find any anxiety towards would be Pinkie Pie; even then, it seemed that she wasn’t trying to act psychotic, and that cupcake she baked for him was absolutely delicious!
…And definitely not poisoned. Not that he even knew how poison tasted like, if it even had a taste to begin with.
No. These girls weren’t that bad. It was him who might’ve slightly-maybe-possibly-kinda-sorta overreacted, as crazy as it is to say that in this situation.
“Ok…but, are you sure? I mean, it’s not that I don’t believe you, but it’s just,” He slumped, “That feeling of…losing control over things, over myself…I can’t do that. Never again.”
Luna floated by his side, laying one of her large wings across his back, “You have my word, Mellow, that you’re in exceptionally good hooves. When you’re in the company of those ponies, they will do everything they can to make you feel as welcomed and accepted as one…or two, could possibly ask for. I promise.”
On that final word, Ambrose felt whatever suspicions he had sucked out with a heavy exhale, “Ok…I believe you. Thanks, Luna.”
“You’re welcome, Mellow,” Her eyes widened a bit, “Speaking of Vanilla, I must check on him as well, to see if he is in a better state after the night prior.”
Ambrose was confused on what exactly that was supposed to mean, he could just talk to Louis tomorrow about how he’s feeling, why was this apparition being so weird with its wording. Was he about to wake up or something? Then again, he has been having a full blown conversation with it, answering questions it most likely already knew. Huh, perhaps he actually should see a psychiatrist, “He was certainly having some kind of nightmare from the looks of it…and the sound.”
“Yes…his dream was absolutely an unpleasant one. I could see it, off in the distance…” She summoned a long set of doors, each one unique to itself with a little image plastered onto it. Ambrose was about to ask her what these were for, until they quickly began to blur past at Mach speed, causing his mane to blow in his face. Coming to a stop on a door of familiar design; cream coloring with brown swirls and a brownie in the center.
And it was on fire.
“I tried to get to him as fast I could, everything within my power…but as soon as was able to reach the door, it just…” This door, much like the demons before, quickly burned up and vanished, instead leaving Luna with a look of anguish, “I couldn’t help him when he needed it most. I’m…terribly sorry, Mellow.”
Ambrose thought back to those moments, letting her words dance around in his head in a strange, trance-like maneuver. The way she described that was if she was…leaving his dream-his consciousness-and quickly slip into Louis’s for some late-night intervention, swooping down like some space clad superhero and saving the day.
Even though that was impossible, she’s saying there wasn’t any chance she could help him? How? She couldn’t have just doubled timed or flew over to her objective? What an excuse! The only real thing that could keep her out of Louis’s dream was if…there was no dream at all.
There was no dream because Louis had quickly woken up. With the help of another person. Violently.
And let’s say that Louis, or Vanilla for pure hypothetic, ripped from his nightmare, still shaking at what he’d just been subjected to, was talked off the theoretical ledge with such calming phrases as…
...C’mon, get a grip!
...smacking you was a real stress reliever in itself.
...I've absolutely had it with you spazzing out on me! Ramble one more fucking time, and I’ll do us both a favor and put you down myself!
Those words would've never helped him, they just would've made things worse.
“No…” He shuddered in horror, the ever creeping fear of responsibility’s ruthless wrath coming to smite him, “This…this is all my fault! All of this…the way I treated him afterwards, I’m the reason he’s a complete wreck!” He could feel his tear ducts slowly filling up once more, “I…there…there has to be a way I can fix this. I have to fix this, Luna!” He turned to the many doors surrounding them, pouncing back and forth as he pounded on each door, “Quick! Keep searching through these doors, maybe one can lead us to him, I can go back and fix this! A clean slate! Please, Luna!”
All the doors slowly faded away, as did his own paranoid ramblings, “I’m afraid not, Mellow. For that problem is now gone…in the past. Not a single part of it can be changed. The past is permanent,” She answered with an emotionless glare in her eyes, a stare showing this exact event playing out once more in her head, “However, if you do really want to peruse this endeavor, attempting to make amends for the missteps you’ve made in the past, you’ll find yourself continuously sinking in those very same hoof steps ahead of you forever. The only thing that is truly uncertain, Mellow…is the present.” She finished as she looked down to Ambrose for his response.
Which was one of complete confusion.
“Oh. Well, I suppose I could employ a visual explanation.” She summoned another set of images, one of Ambrose’s head…and a brick wall. To which she demonstrated as such. Over, and over, and over.
“Ok, ok I get it! Just give it a rest already!” He swore he heard her stifle a giggle as the brick was quickly overgrown with grass.
She extended her wings as her horn began to glow, quickly shifting the space around them in a more earthy environment, a large green pasture. Quiet and peaceful, the skies ripe for flying, “Now, I must go check on you’re friend Vanilla Fudge.” She stated, slowly lifting into the air. It seems that this vision was leaving, did that mean he was going to wake up now?
“Alright then, Luna, just…make sure he’s safe, ok? He must be having it absolutely awful right about now, after the way I handled the situation.”
"Another unnecessary worry I assure you, but I will be the judge of that tonight," Just as she was about to 'leave' so to speak, another thought came about. "You happened to run into Rainbow Dash earlier today, did you not?"
Ambrose wondered if he should even answer that, "...Yeah, though it was more of her running into me, but sure. Why?"
"I thought so, judging from her dreams tonight," Luna opened up a little portal, allowing Ambrose to look through. Inside, looking outside, was a Rainbow of a younger age, swooping and sweeping around a large series of clouds, with an even larger smile across her face. And she wasn't alone. Joined by a companion, one with a golden coat and a buzzing set of wings. Most likely due to the...rather large package they were trying to prop up. But still, the little filly didn't seem to mind, laughing and joking as she tried to keep up with the prismatic bullet zipping around her.
"It appears you've managed to conjure up some rather fond memories." She said with a wink.
Oh yeah, I said I was going to meet her tomorrow. Thanks for the reminder...mind, "You're welcome?"
Luna gave him a smile, "I will leave you to your own devices now. Best wishes, Mellow Yellow." He gave her a small wave as she made her send off in a bright white flash, just like the one she first appeared in.
Ambrose looked around, waiting for the whole scene to come collapsing in on itself, to see a crack in the façade that would signal the faded this dream and the dreary senses of reality.
But no, it all remained still, as he still lingered within his own imagination.
He extended his wings, taking to the clear skies, "Huh, that was strangely cathartic." He blew his mane from his face and tried to enjoy what little sleep he probably had left. Geez, if he was having nightmares that bad, he could only imagine how horrible Louis was having it tonight.
Louis was having a surprisingly peaceful night. If you could call anything else that occurred to him anything short of sanity snapping-then yes-this was peaceful. Unfortunately, the only thing that was on a never ending endeavor to unease him were those pesky, fine layers of divided rock and aged earth. Sand.
Bu there were other products of peace placed around his person, or pony if we wanted to be entirely accurate. Peace signs painted onto paisley buses, placed along parking lots next to the warped wrappings on woody wagons, their cracked chrome attempting to shine through the salty reminders of rust.
Reminders that you were someplace where flash wasn’t necessary. In reality, no one on the beach is gonna care about the thread count of your umbrella or which environmental program mooching off the profits of the SPF you’re lathering. All they wanted was a moment to be roasted by the sun, with nice crusty cracks sprouting down their backs. Too busy with the goal of gulping down beers, doing their best to help them create that slurry mirage of that life. The one that was never meant to be. With that fast car, the big house, and the partner with the rather exceptional features.
That would be so…if they were ever here to begin with.
But the beach had been cleared out, the inklings of existence being misplaced towels and raided coolers. A long line of emptiness, crawling all down the coast.
Louis didn’t give that much thought, too busy in his own little world crafted behind a wall of sunglasses, laid out on his towel. Listening to the small radio by his side, churning out sounds of strumming guitars and swishy hi-hats, the waves attempting to keep time. The perfect headspace for a space in his head.
One wave crept in farther than usual, nearly sweeping over the edge of his towel before rolling back in on itself. Swirling and swelling strangely. The sentient liquid mass morphed itself into a large, horse like shape, thrown around in alien currents as they began to solidify—the salty scum taking on a metallic shine, the sand drying into a crescent.
Before he could truly process what was unfolding before him, layers of sea fell all around it and slipped back into the greater body, revealing the presence of a midnight mare.
“Wonderful waves we’re having today, wouldn’t you say, Vanilla Fudge?” She said, shaking out an ear.
He removed the glassy walls from his face, freeing a set of mildly singed eyes to peer over. Attempting to communicate in an up and down motion, “…Am I in your way or something? I can move if that’s an issue. I’m not that much of a surfer myself. I’m just here for the vibrations.”
In a shocking response, she tilted her head in confusion, her crown nearly falling off, “Oh…I’m afraid you’ve mistaken my intentions. I’m Princess Luna, checking in on you to make sure you’re alright from your night prior. “
Louis found himself soothed by that notion, “Right on, man,” He grinned, flicking them back onto his face, “I’d say things are going pretty beachy right now. Or, about as well as they could be, all this sand in my hooves.”
Luna scanned the beach, “Hmm, you’ve recovered well from the looks of it. Mellow Yellow had me worried you were in a perpetual state of panic. She will be pleased to know she was wildly incorrect.”
“Aww, well, that’s pretty nice of you, man. I’ll be sure to relay the message,” He motioned to the towel beside him, “Wanna chill for a minute? Swimming all the way from another continent must take a lot outta you.”
“Beg your pardon?”
He tapped it with a hoof, brushing off a few idle particles, “C’mon, we got the beach all to ourselves now, I don’t think they’ll be back until…” He looked behind him at the boardwalk, rows, and rows of barren stores, “Well, I don’t know when they will, but I don’t think they’d mind you borrowing at this point.”
Like she’d told him, don’t go sneering at those who have it worse off, and this mare couldn’t even afford a boat trip here! Perhaps the royalty was hitting a rough patch. The least he could do was offer a moment and to rest and a cool drink. Something else one of her friends told him…some canned catchphrase he’d overhead about spreading kindness, or whatever. He’s sure she thought it was something proud and profound.
In that time, Luna had thought over his request, giving a shrug and summoning her own pair of shades and took a drink from his cooler, “Thank you for the offer, Vanilla,” She laid down, folding her limbs like a cardboard box.
Louis was taken aback by the uncomfortable position and tried to copy it out of twisted curiosity, “What the-how does this even work?” He mumbled to himself.
“However, I would like to ask something, if you’re comfortable answering, what exactly pulled you into…troubled waters?”
Oh boy, it was gonna be one of those introspections tonight. The kind that usually ends in the reinstation of one’s own neurotic fears of one’s own being, slowly rekindling the affections for illuminated ropes lingering under spinning blades too frail to support even his little weight. Crumbling under the weight of his own problems, signaling that there were no easy exits.
Well, suppose it wouldn’t hurt to open up a bit.
“…Well, I guess I’d chalk it up to being overwhelmed, is all. There was just too much, too quick. My system wasn’t ready for it at the time. I still don’t think it’s gotten as accustom as it needs to be. But, for a time, things were going pretty smoothly. Only then we found ourselves down in Sugarcube Corner, you know the place?” She gave him an expected nod, “Yeah, well, we were in there just talking about stuff, and then Pinkie showed up…” He looked around him, making absolutely sure it was just the two of them, “Look, I’m sure she’s a nice girl. Really, I do. I’m all for looking on the bright side until your eyes begin to boil, man, but something about her is just a little…concerning? Best I can put it.”
“I’m well aware of the effects she can have on those unprepared for her barrages of entertainment, as evidenced by your friend Mellow Yellow.”
“You said it, man, not prepared at all.” He sat quietly for a moment before continuing. “Anyways-uh, she calmed down and helped us get settled in, I’ll compliment her for that. But in the process, she’d given me…something, and it…it just-” His voice caught at that moment, a second in which the connection between the brain and the vocal cords were severed. He sighed and rose up on his haunches, “You ever been around someone else, like a particular…pony? That whenever they’re near, you can feel this certain kinda energy about them?”
“Referring to the emotional reaction one has as a result of another’s presence?” Luna asked, taking a sip of her drink.
“I guess you could call it that. Something like a vibe, a feeling-whatever. But I’m trying to get more on a spiritual level, getting down to the issue's core. Like, you take a look deep within yourself, the parts of you that make you you, and you’re wondering how those parts ever came to be…and it’s because of them, man!” He exclaimed, flicking his mane out of his face, “If they weren’t exactly in that place, and exactly who they were, then this version of you…ceases to exist. Everything you’d thought, man, everything you’d done-poof! Gone! Waiting around in some astral plane to be absorbed into somepony else, they’d literally become you as a result! You know what I mean, Luna?”
“…Maybe?”
“Yeah, that’s the energy I’m talking about, really powerful stuff,” He took his glasses off, slowly rubbing his eyes, “And there was this…pony, a very important pony to me, who held that kind of energy within her…that very powerful energy,” He gave a weary smile, “And she used that energy alright, used it to help nourish what made a whole lot of who I am now…mostly.”
Luna chuckled to herself, “Ah, the wonders of youth.”
“It was wonderful…every day felt like the best day of my life, like riding pretty on the crest of a tall, beautiful wave,” He paused for a moment, watching a larger one snap in two and tumble backward, “Well, that energy just couldn’t last as much as we hoped it would. All that quickly faded away about a year and a half ago…only stopped feeling the withdrawal just a few months ago,” A sarcastic chuckle, “Hmph, guess it’s true what they say about the brighter candle burning twice as fast.”
“I see. I’m sorry to hear about that, Vanilla Fudge. I can imagine how difficult it must be to lose that special somepony you thought might’ve been the one.”
“Wasn’t just me…we all lost her, every single one of us.” He responded, flashing a small object into his hoof—a picture.
Luna gave a slow, understanding nod, the galaxies in her mane taking on a far bluer hue.
“So, I guess what confuses me is…” He said in a quiet, defensive voice as he scanned over those same party hats on those happy horses. His eyes stopped over Mellow, her warm smile radiating into his mind. Just the way hers always did, “…Why has this energy…returned?”
Luna noticed that the steady waves began to churn and thrash. The sky morphed into a dark cloud pattern, heavy with payload as they were quickly engulfed in a heavy rainstorm. She immediately produced a shield around them, allowing the water to trail down off its transparent surface. Repeatedly falling in the same locations, causing the sand to slowly wash away. Revealing a deeper black surface lying underneath, with two yellow lines parallel to one another shooting out into the ocean. And as she looked out, between the roaring waves and whipping rain, she saw the faded burning of two yellowish lights.
She turned to him as he continued to stare deep into the photo. His eyes sunk deeper into his skull, “V-Vanilla, are you alright?”
“…Maybe…you’re still out there…somewhere…”
“Vanilla Fudge!”
His head shot up, closing his eyes as he exhaled a heavy sigh, “Well, suppose I can’t worry too much about that, huh?” He pulled his arms up into a stretch. His voice had reverted back into an easy-going tone, “Life goes on, man, can’t be worrying all the time about that. Can’t let it all get to you too much, as I was reminded earlier today.”
Luna blinked, and in a moment, the whole world went back to the way it was, the ocean’s temper evaporated, “…Vanilla, are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah, I’m perfectly alright, Luna.”
“…You’re crying.”
He put a hoof up to his face feeling the damp fur, “Ah… I just got sand in my eye,” He hastily put his sunglasses back on with a smile, “It’s all good, Luna. Sorry for getting you all worked up like that. The last thing I want is to emit this aura of paranoia you eluded to.”
“Are you sure? That was quite the intense reaction,” Her own glasses flashed away, “Perhaps it may be best for you to discuss this with others, maybe with Mellow herself? You two might-“
“AAAAAH!”
Luna jumped from her towel in a panic, the opposite of his stated intentions, “What?”
“No, how could this have happened? Worst case scenario, man! Code red, red alert!”
He was suddenly cast into the air, Luna turning him over and around, looking for injuries, “What’s wrong, Vanilla? Tell me!”
“Look!” He pointed to his chest, “My tan! It’s all splotchy from the storm!” He exclaimed, cranking his body back and forth.
They were just the spots on his coat.
“And all that saltwater has screwed with my mane, it’s all brittle and dried out!” He grasped at the straw-like strands.
Luna’s face became blank as her powerful muscles released their tension, along with releasing him from her magic, “If that’s the most of your worries you’re willing to tackle tonight, then very well. However, I still suggest you discuss this with somepony else. It’s unhealthy to bottle up,” She said, taking another drink from his cooler. One for the road, “I must go now, for there are other subjects that require my aid.”
He shrugged, “Really? Ok then, just know I always got a spot open for you…in case we ever meet again?”
Her facial features seemed to lighten up at that. Slightly, “Not to worry, Vanilla Fudge, I’m getting the-uh, vibrations, that we will meet again very soon.”
“Really? Right on, man!” He shouted before going into a whisper, “Just hope you bring some nicer weather next time, ok?” He said with a click and a smirk.
“I’ll make sure of it, Vanilla Fudge.” She said, looking out at the water one final time, muttering to herself, “And I’ll make sure to confirm Twilight on her observations. Seems like Vanilla will get along with our fashionista just fine, seeing they have similar…priorities.”
She ignited her horn, casting a great spell towards the sea. Or at least he thought it was, seeing the amount of light it was producing with those sparkles and swirls. And much like before, the sea changed its behavior, this time in a more obedient manner. Waves shifting, sliding, separating as the entire body split into two, giving her a long sandy passageway into its green fish-filled stomach. Louis watched as she calmly made her way down her newfound trail. Once she was in a deep distance, she looked at him with a smile, “Farwell.”
Then the waters released.
Crashing down onto itself, closing the gaping wound and healing back into the healthy ocean it once was. Swallowing her in the process, consumed with the coral. And once again, leaving him alone. Waiting.
He slowly laid back down on his towel, now realizing there were rational questions that should've come earlier,
Who the hell was that...What the hell was that?
The bright sun had now made its appearance known all across the land. Colors exceptionally bright, flowers in full form, and the birds bursting at the seams with song. A brighter day. A better day. A new day.
Odd that it was starting in a place so old and familiar.
“Well, wakey wakey!” Louis called out to the golden figure lumbering its way into the living room, “Got a pot going in the kitchen, haven’t exactly figured the rest of breakfast yet, but it’ll come to me eventually.”
“Nuh-uh, you can keep that pot all to yourself,” Ambrose chuckled, “I’ve now witnessed the kind of company it brings.”
“What’d you mean, man?”
“You know what I mean! I told you I didn’t want any of that stuff last night!”
Louis laid out on his spot on the couch, “And if I remembered clearly, you clearly didn’t.”
“I remember clearer than you do, since you were busy puffing that crap in my face and all over the room.” Ambrose motioned a wing all around.
“Oh yeah, heh heh, whoops,” Louis rolled over onto his back, “Forgot you were a working girl, need to keep clean for the boss man.”
“That’s just rude, Lou,” Ambrose huffed, “…Still, I suppose it wasn’t all bad. Quite enlightening, even.
“Enlightening?” Louis snickered.
“Yeah, I-uh…” He put a hoof up to his chin, thinking of the best way to word this, “I think I had a conversation with the moon last night, and a very caring one at that,” He looked Louis in the eye, “She told me…everything’s gonna be ok.”
Louis blinked wide-eyed before breaking out into a loud, goofy laugh,
“Hi, how are you? My name’s Mellow Yellow…no, too rehearsed.”
“Hi. Mellow Yellow…no, too dodgy.”
“Hello there, I’m Mellow Yellow, and you are…nope, too slow.”
“Howdy there, friend! Name’s Mellow Yellow! …Absolutely not, way too sitcom.”
“I don’t see the need to worry here. I think she already knows that well enough.” He tapped Ambrose’s muzzle in the mirror, taking a slow sip of coffee from the cup in his magic.
He sighed, looking away. “But I bet the majority of the other ponies here don’t. So I gotta make sure the first impression is the best impression I can make it.”
“And this is of great importance now because?”
“Because I won’t have Starlight to back me up this time, so I’m basically going in blind here. All on my own, a one-man mission.”
“Uh-huh, very heroic of you, Rambo.” He moved some of his mane behind his ears. It was being exceptionally uncooperative with him today; every time he tried to speak, his body’s frustration from high estrogen levels would boil over, lashing out towards the corners of his mouth and attempting to lump in his throat. Perhaps Stallone was right, things tend to go smoother with a bandana strapped around your head, and an M60 slung across your shoulder.
Stallone. Stallion. Ha-ha.
“Say, don’t those macho action dudes always have at least one sidekick? Where’s yours?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You talking about Rainbow Dash?” He gave him a whatever shrug. “I think I’m the supporting cast in this one, Lou. I hardly even know this pony, but she sure as hell knows a lot about me. Luckily, it seems she hasn’t seen Mellow in a while, so it’ll be a fresh start. So like I said, first impressions.” He methodically moved his head in the mirror, getting a good sense of its complexion. Seeing how the jaws curved with each syllable. How the nose twitched with every flick of the tongue. “Until now, I’ve just been saying a name. I need to start saying my name.”
“Yeah, but…it’s not. You do know that, right?”
“Of course I do. Could you imagine if it was? That’d be ridiculous!”
“Eh, I don’t know. I think it’s kinda cute.” He joked as he nuzzled Ambrose’s neck. He scoffed and pushed him back with a wing. “It’s got a pretty nice ring to it. You gotta admit that at least.”
“Like the ringing in my ears right now?”
Louis chuckled as he went back on topic. “Well, why don’t you just be real about it?” He playfully swayed his hips in the mirror to a beat he’d crafted in his head, which was now bobbing in attempted sync. “No need to dress up a hello, just be…you.”
“Ah, the straightforward approach. I get it.” He giggled, waving to the cheery pony in the mirror. “Hi, my name’s Ambrose Sinclair, and I’m completely fucking insane. I was originally human but suddenly became a pegasus after taking these strange drugs and was thrown into your nearby woods after my house melted. But it’s ok, I heard you ponies are pretty cool, the moon told me!” He looked to Louis. “How’s that sound?”
He clapped his hooves. “Perfect man, aces all around.” Another sip. “If you overthink communication, it’s gonna come off as manufactured no matter what…I’m sure your moonlight mistress whispered something similar.”
“Actually, yeah, she kinda did.”
He lifted an eyebrow. Good grief, just what was going on in his head last night? “Huh…well hopefully me and her will cross paths someday on the highway of life.” He looked over to the clock on the wall, giving a sharp sting of urgency throughout his nervous system. “But we better get going now, lest we get caught up in the morning rush.”
Ambrose inhaled deeply, letting the fumes of confidence flourish through his body. “Alright, Lou, let’s do this!”
“Fuck yeah! Here we come, Ponyville!” He threw his hooves up triumphantly, knocking the cup out of the air.
“Yeah!”
“Yeah!”
“Yeah!”
“YEAH!”
“C’mon! Time is money, girl! Git!” He smacked Ambrose’s flank, causing him to rear with a loud and proud whinny and gallop out of his bedroom. Careening around the corner and rushing down the hall. Sounds of hooves skidding across the hardwood before a loud crash, accompanied by a wide array of silly sound effects suited for misery and mishaps.
“Goddamnit Louis!” The accident shouted.
He didn’t respond, as he was busy on the floor, trying to keep his stomach from collapsing in on itself with laughter.
For reasons that were lost on him, and probably forever will, the house was becoming unbearably stuffy by the second. Every tick of the hand gripping tighter and tighter around his throat, till eventually, he would meet his own personal midnight. Maybe it had something to do with the body, but just standing in the bright sun alone put him at great ease. Crisp air curling around him blew a smile on his face.
At first, this whole new outlook on aviation scared him, like some out-of-touch settler's first glimpse at this weird thing called electricity. His senses were nearly overwhelmed into a slobbering fit of righteous panic. Was it witchcraft? A demon? What sick, twisted rituals did one have to cast to access such strange, fantastical powers over this mortal world? Blasphemy, all of it!
Now having had time to soak it in, it was all he ever wanted to do! The adrenaline pumping through his veins, dopamine levels shooting out into the stratosphere, it was one of the greatest feelings in his life! Even better than driving!
And incredibly addictive, too, as he started to move with impatient withdrawals as Louis led him out the door. Wings fluttering eagerly as gentle breezes wrapped themselves around their feathery figures. To go anywhere he wanted, any height, any speed he desired. Not to mention it was a pretty good workout too. Yes, absolutely, it was better than driving. This was the definitive way to travel.
“Mmm, what’s that smell? It’s pretty strong…pretty sweet…” Louis’s head slowly made its way to the ground as he spoke, a dopey grin on his face during it all.
“You mean the grass?”
“Heh heh, that’s right…the grass…” He eyed a particularly lively strand, suddenly finding it nibbling within his mouth. Sucking on its moisture.
“Seriously?” Ambrose asked with a smirk. “All this time I thought you were a fan of weeds.”
“Mmmhmm, yeah, man…mmm…” He mumbled with a mouthful as his eyes started to glaze over.
Ambrose shook his head. “You’re an idiot. Just remember to go trotting into town once you’re done troughing.” How could he let himself do something like that? I mean, sure, it smells delicious, but you gotta have standards here!
“Mmph, don’t worry, it’ll all be fine. I got everything locked down tight…if only I had the key.” A loud gulp as the mush went down his neck with a cartoonish bulge.
His hooves were starting to shift in place; he needed to get in the air soon, or else he was gonna go crazy! The sky was right there, literally hanging ready above him!
Incredibly addictive.
“I gotta go, don’t wanna be late for this weather work, whatever it is.”
“Well, I’m not holding you back, Mellow. You’re cleared for takeoff.” He lit his horn and motioned a hoof forward as if directing jet traffic.
“Thank you, my favorite flight attendant.” He wrapped his wing around Louis and pulled him tight into a hug. Louis was quite surprised by the gesture but accepted it happily. “Be careful, ok? Remember to keep an eye out.”
He pulled his wing closer. “Yeah, you too…wait. Keep an eye out for what?”
“For this!” He wrapped a hoof around his shoulder and the other onto his noggin. Giving him a noogie and scuffing his mane all over his face.
“Ack! What the hell?” he stumbled blindly till he fell back on his haunches.
“Ha ha! See ya later, Vanilla!” He unfurled his wings and flew off towards town. An immense feeling of relief washed over him, cooling his nerves of airborne anxieties.
Managing to get his mane in order, Louis caught a glimpse of a golden glint streaming across the vast sea of the sky. Like a ship making its way through the twists and turbulences of a troubled sea to take a word from Luna. Each cloud was its own obstacle, but he could tell Ambrose enjoyed every moment of being in higher elevation. And he enjoyed watching. If only he could find some way to get up there with her.
Hmm…there’s that energy again. Where’s it coming from? He got back to his hooves and rubbed the spot where his skull had been scrubbed. “I’ll figure it out sooner or later. Right now, I gotta go market myself at the castle. Onward!”
The wings went into a semi autopilot state as he looked down at the scenery beneath him. Long winding trails were running deep into these jumbled patches of thatch and trees dotted amongst the walls of green. Watering holes sparkled with a crystal shine as the sun melted its way across their bodies at all the best angles. And the townsfolk, moving in and out like ants. Like traffic. Huddled up in one spot of social intrigue, trying to shoot their way around shortcuts. Standing. Sitting. Waiting.
Wasting.
Exactly…wasting away in their wait, as seconds slowly sucked the sand down their soul's hourglass. Those same ghastly hands he’d felt back in the house now gripping around these poor ponies in their self-induced stasis.
And here he was, flying high above them all. Like the high flying birds he’d see back home above the hustle and bustle of the human world. Is this how they saw it? A strange, alien abstract painting splattered with oils and dotted with green and brown acrylics?
Those ever seeing eyes in the sky?
Who apparently disagreed with his recent introspection, as they’d flicked the brush directly into his face, spraying him with sunlight. He held his hooves up and angled his wings back to reduce speed, just as he felt something poke him in the side.
“Here.” A familiar raspy voice said. He looked down at a pair of sunglasses from a cyan hoof. “Helps to have some protection when gazing upon my awesomeness.”
“Rainbow Dash? That you?” He quickly put them on, blinking as his eyes adjusted.
“Pssh, yeah! Who else would it be?” She flew by his side with a nudge and a cocky smile.
Maybe you could turn down the light show. Does your genetic code read ROYGBIV or something? “Nice to see you again, Dash.” He reciprocated the gesture. “And I see you’ve had your daily intake of humble pie as well.”
“Nah, I usually take that in a protein shake…or perhaps a cupcake on my cheat days.” They giggled. “But enough about me, what’re you doing?” He went to respond, but she instantly got right in his muzzle. “Oh! How was your tour? What’d you think of Ponyville?”
His ears folded in slight nervousness. “Well, it’s certainly full of…surprises, I’ll give it that.” He gave another pleasant face through the shades. “I was actually on the lookout for you. But I guess it wasn’t necessary…”
“Heh, looks like you’re o-and-two so far.”
“So it seems,” He felt a peculiar sting of annoyance from that comment. Sure she found him, but no need to brag about it. It wasn’t even that big of a deal, it wasn’t a competition. Besides, he could’ve found her easily if he had more time…she just got an early start. “I was coming to take you up on that offer about joining the weather team.”
“Knew you’d come around to that! Let’s fly and talk, I’ll show you where we're getting set up. If we pick up the pace, we’ll be able to get there just as their selecting teams!” She motioned her head forward and took the lead.
“So what exactly are these weather teams about, Dash?" He asked as he made his way by her side. "Are you guys a group of meteorologists studying weather patterns and such?” He was having difficulty pulling his attention away from the insistent flapping from the back of his earshot, those little points of fur twitching in frustration.
She glanced back to see that their wings were flapping out of order. She gave him a friendly smile and adjusted her own wings. “I wouldn’t exactly say we study the weather patterns, so much as we are the weather patterns.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means we can handle the castle, Vanilla. Starlight and I are gonna be working here all day. I appreciate you wanting to help, but there’s no need to have another set of hooves looking after it when they don’t need to.” He held up a hoof to speak. “And Spike can handle himself just fine.”
He sat for a moment, eyes blinking lazily. "...You sure he doesn't need any kind of supervision? I mean, not to be rude or anything, but he is a little...little." He cranked his neck down to his eye level.
He smirked at him, fangs showing a flare of mischievousness. "Heh, you're one to talk, Mr. Fun Size. You're even shorter than Twilight, and that's already pretty small." He poked him on the nose with a claw. It didn't prick him, but it sure left a mark on his pride.
"I'm not that short." She huffed.
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm not!"
"Oh yeah? What about those times I saw you giving speeches in the mirror on a stack of encyclopedias?"
"That was-uh..." Her face went slightly red and she cleared her throat. "Those are for practice, Spike. I need to make sure I'm prepared for when the princesses ever need me to give a speech. I need to look strong! Resilient! Somepony who's prepared to lead others to a better, brighter future, just like they always have!"
"...So you need to look tall?"
She gave a defeated sigh. "Yes, Spike. I need to look tall."
Louis sneaked in a hoof bump with his free hand. Is that what it’s called for dragons? "So what? You think you're some kinda big shot here?"
"Maybe not here, but certainly over in the Crystal Empire!" He puffed his chest out to appear macho, but he certainly wasn't no Stallone. "I'm a pretty big deal over there. I even got my own honorary title, Spike, The Brave and Glorious!"
He caught a glimpse of the comic books rolled underneath his arm. "Uh-huh, and I'm Vanilla Fudge, The Dazed and Confused."
Which he most certainly was, as he racked his brain for another excuse he could use in requesting to help. There had to be some kind of vague, random task he could cook up here.
Wait a minute...cook? Bake? Aha, baking!
"What if I help you with baking, like you said yesterday?"
"Hmmm, we aren't going to study anything involving baking, so I don't think that's on the table." Her eyes made their way to his flanks with an intrigued brow. "But there is a certain party pony who might take you up on your enthusiasm."
His legs suddenly had this quick, irritating shock run through them, as if he'd hit a nerve. "You mean...Pinkie?"
"Yeah! We spoke with her after your abrupt departure yesterday. She'd really like to talk to you again, on better terms this time." She laughed nervously, with Spike giving him an similar expression.
"You want me to talk to Pinkie Pie?"
"Well, you said you like to bake, right?" He nodded but his eyes were still fidgety. "Then she's the right pony to talk to. I don't think there's anypony else who gets as excited at the sweet science of sweets...heh heh."
"Booo..." He and Spike responded flatly, giving her a thumbs down. She rolled her eyes in return.
At this point, why not? After wasting away for 24 years in one immolating infestation, just to rip your guts out and start a new on this weird pony planet. Might as well put it in cruise control for a while and see where it takes you.
"I guess it's worth a shot."
"That's the spirit, now c'mon!"
Rainbow ushered him through a crowd of pegasi all bunched together in their own little bubbles of communication. Some looked bright eyed and fluffy feathers. Others looked like their alarm clock killed their dog.
Those that caught their attention however, would light up upon sight of Dash. Giving her a nice smile and an enthusiastic wave. Then they would spot him, and their emotions would become scrambled. Some would be confused, some surprised at his size compared to others of his gender, and some held on to their bright expressions. Not that he could really blame them; he was easily the biggest out of the bunch, seeing as most-if not all-shared the exact same body type. Not to mention hairstyles, guess taste only goes as far as the borders will allow it.
"Say, Dash," He whispered to her. "Are you the one in charge here? Awful lotta ponies looking at us...mostly me." Maybe it's because they were interested by someone new in town taking to their line of work. Or maybe it's because they'd never seen him before until this moment. The feeling was mutual.
"What? Oh, no I don't run this. My daily schedule's already stuffed as is, no way I could add Head of Ponyville's Weather Patrol to that list and manage it to the best of my abilities. We already have a bunch of ponies who are in charge of assembling jobs for the day."
Stuffed schedule? what else does she do here?
There was one pegasus who was a little preoccupied to pay them any mind. A slightly older stallion with a navy coat and a mane of wavy windswept washed out blue. To Ambrose, he could just have easily blended into the rest of the colorful mass. The only thing that stood out was the clipboard in his hoof, as the other was busy pointing at others, attempting to get a head count. When he finally did get a look at them, his silver eyes went wide. He casually reshuffled his papers, looked over to Rainbow, then back to his papers as his brow lifted in slight amusement before swiftly floating over.
"Good morning to you, Rainbow Dash. Gotta admit, I'm surprised to see you come around this early in the day." He spoke in a relaxed, low tone of voice.
"I am?" She did a count in her head, tallying one hoof across the other. "Huh, how about that? Guess I can thank somepony for that one."
Ambrose waved at him with a forced smile. He looked him up and down, then back to another paper, most likely a roster. "Well now, don't think I've seen you flying these skies before. Name's Whippin' Winds, with two p's...who might you be?" He stuck out a hoof in the motion of a handshake.
He looked at it for a moment, then placing the bottom half of the hooves together and jerking his arm up and down. "Mellow Yellow...with four l's."
A shocked gasp caused him to duck away from the counter, as a huge wave of party related games, machinery and rolls upon rolls of streamers flew over his head and out the window. "Uhhh...Pinkie? You back there?"
She popped up from the countertop, he body in weird suppressed convulsions. "Hiya Vanilla! It's really super duper extra amazingly-" A pink hoof cracked her across the face with an loud smack. "I mean...it's good to see you again." She finished in a monotone voice.
"Right...yeah, good to see you too...Pinkie." He took a cautious step towards the counter. "Twilight said you wanted to see me again after what happened yesterday."
She nodded calmly, before her neck twitched at a near 90 degree angle. "Y-Yes, I'm sorry to hear you guys weren't feeling well after your night in the Everfree Forest. Sometimes you can find super spooky-ahem, dangerous things in there. Are you f-feeling better?"
I think the real question is are you? He gently placed his hooves on the counter, making no sudden movements. Blood running like molasses. He could see here pupils dancing in different dilations, and her cheeks were beginning to take on a painfully reddish hue. "I know that now, believe me. We're much better now that were back within the midst of...normal civilization. And thanks for making those cupcakes by the way, it was delicious! Mellow really enjoyed hers, too."
"YOU DID?" She shouted with excitement, a burst on confetti surrounding her.
"Gah!" He jumped and landed on his back. Honestly, how could something that pink spook like that?
She gasped again, this one of sheer horror at her own actions, as she rapidly picked all the confetti out of the air and threw it into a trash can. Then throwing said trash can out the window. "No! ...No, I'm sorry."
"It's ok, you just surprised me-"
"No it's not. I hated seeing you all in that state, even worse that I had a hoof in it. I told myself from now on, I need to show a little...r-r-restraint, to relax...slow down a bit." Her face was now of a deep purple, her eyes were about to pop out of head.
she's doing this to herself on purpose? All because of a stupid overreaction on his behalf? He couldn’t imagine how long she’d been thinking about that moment. And what Twilight said to her while he was busy hightailing it, did she scold her? Dig right down to who she was as a pony and shred it to pieces?
Fuck that.
"That's enough, Pinkie." She looked up at him. "You didn't do anything wrong last night, I had many more problems lying under the surface I needed to work out at the time, nothing you could've done about it." He had a moment of flashing frustration, but let it pass with an exhale. "I don't know what they told you last night, but you're gonna hear it straight from the pony's mouth now. I don't hate you, I'm not scared of you, heck I don't even think you’re all that overwhelming...maybe the whole coming out of my mane thing. But I've seen worse in my time. I'm sorry you took it all so personally without getting the truth. Everything's all groovy, Pinkie." He ended it with a smile. "That means you can breathe now."
She exhaled dramatically, all the fur on her going flat like a deflated balloon. "Whew! Thanks, Vanilla. To tell ya the truth, I don't think I would've lasted long like that. All that bottled up excitement would've just exploded right outta me!" As he expected at this point, she stuck a hoof in her mouth and blew, making her mane and tail all poofy again.
He had a feeling she wasn’t kidding. The last thing he wanted to see was cake-coated brain splattered all across Sugarcube Corner.
"Now that we have that situation all cleared up, how can I help you?"
He chuckled. "You know, I came in here because I was gonna ask you that question."
"Ok, ask!"
"But...you just said it."
"I know! But you said you wanted to ask it, so go ahead!" She smiled that smile that was stuck on her face by default at this point.
"Erm, ok. How can I help you?"
"As it would seem, I'm in dire need of a job, and Dash here's got sky high expectations of me with the weather patrol."
He nodded with a face that at least showed the veneer of delight. "Of course, we're always happy to see new feathers join the flock! Hope you're a good swimmer." He started to file through multiple papers on the clipboard, seriously how many papers can one clip hold? He found one that had the layout of an employment form, an extremely oversimplified one at that.
As was the rest of the vetting process, the sort of things a child would ask if they were meant to play the role of an employer. Hell, one of the questions asked was what was his favorite flavor of ice cream, who asks something like that? You must absolutely stupid to have that as one of your top priorities when signing on new workers! How are you even staying in fucking business that mindset?
...
...Sigh, it was vanilla fudge.
"Alright now, Mellow, most of the information checks out. But there is one more base I'd like to cover here." He flipped the form over to one of the last pages on the board. "What is your previous work experience with weather manufacturing and/or manipulation?"
That question was so practical it nearly knocked him out of the sky, like a rouge apple flung right into his stomach. "Oh, well...that..." He looked away, tugging at a non existent collar. "None."
He slowly looked up, hoof hovering in tension over many checkboxes. "What do you mean by...none?"
"I mean I've never worked with weather before." Never had to.
That caught Rainbow's attention, who flew over from the clouds she was doing laps around to listen in.
"Really? Nothing? What about shower cleanup?"
"No."
"Cloud formation?"
"Nope."
"Terrain analysis?"
"Nadda."
"Ok..." He reached over and grabbed a small cloud, balancing it on his hoof. "Have you ever touched one of these before?"
"Uh...does smoke count?"
A heavy stare. "Hardly." He flicked it away into a larger grouping, before making an X motion with the pen in his mouth.
"What?" Rainbow exclaimed, jumping in front of him with a befuddled look in her eyes. "What the-you-I-what do you mean you've never even moved a cloud before? You, a pegasus?" He shook his head sheepishly. "Then what were you doing the whole time in Colterado?"
"Construction." They both looked incredibly confused. "Y'know, like building things...I pick heavy objects up, I put heavy objects down. Then I use heavy objects to create even heavier objects, some so heavy they're planted in the ground."
"I understand the concept Mellow, thank you." He made a few scribbles. "I'm just a little surprised, that area is great for snow contractors. For today...I think I'll have you on cloud clean up and distribution, just got a new shipment this morning. Rainbow, could you please stick with her today and show her the ropes?"
"Aww yeah! Me and you, this is gonna be a cakewalk!" She wrapped a hoof around him.
He chuckled and put the clipboard under his arm. "Enjoy the easy while you can, girls. Word from our scouts say the Apple's farmland has gone all pear-shaped...again." He grumbled and rubbed the bridge of his muzzle, a routine he's clearly done more times than he'd like to admit. "And now they're gonna need a hoof in repairing the grounds for more crop to grow back. I swear to Celestia, this happens one more time without some great, ancient evil threating all of Equestria, that Granny Smith will be getting a word from me. And it won't be through the mail." He handed Rainbow a paper that resembled a schedule. "Happy flying to you both. It was nice meeting you, Mellow." Before flying off to another group.
He felt like telling him yeah genius, that's what happens when you put all your eggs in one basket, metaphorically speaking. Possibly even literal. Seeing as this farm carried everything for the town, from apples to corn, carrots and even...
"Wait...rocks?"
"Uh-huh!"
"You used to work on a rock farm?"
"Yup! Allll the way back when I was a filly. My sisters and I would chip away at our families land, searching long and hard for the best-est, most precious-est minerals!" She started to crawl around on the floor, pretending to sniff like a dog. She found on the cupcakes nearly thrown out with the trash, using it as a visual example. "After we got the day's stock, we'd sell it for many, many different purposes. Some ponies used them to decorate their gardens, some used them to biiiiig construction projects!"
His legs felt like jelly, the brown spots of his fur began to melt all over the floor, leaving him naked in his paler colors. No, she must be exaggerating, just like with nearly everything else she does...just a joke! A goof! No way she had actually...
It took him a while, but he finally got his jaw under control to speak semi-coherently.
"You...You worked in a mine as child labor?"
"Not a mine, a rock farm, silly! Huge difference!"
Yeah, I'm sure that' what they told you to feel better about your shit situation. "And when exactly did you start working on this...rock farm?"
A hoof to her chin in thought. "Hmmm, probably around seven, maybe six. Why?"
He felt like he was going to throw up. Who the fuck does that to children? And in the 21st goddamn century no less? Fucking scum-sucking barbarians, that's who! Those pigs should be round up and ground into pork!
"Pigs, where? I don't see any. Oink-oink little piggies, wherever you are!"
He shoved both hooves in his mouth. "Shit! I mean...no. There's no pigs here, Pinkie."
"Awww, and I got my standby mud bucket out for nothing." She shoved it back in her mane. "...Also, what's por-"
"It's nothing! Nothing." He shook his head back into focus. "Just got distracted, I'm sorry you had to go through all that."
She waved a dismissive hoof. "Looking back on it now, it was really no big deal. Sure, it might've been hard work no doubt, but I still use many of the lessons I learned back then even today with baking. In a way, it all helped shape me into the mare I am today, and I wouldn't wanna be anypony else!" She jumped in the air with yet another blast of confetti.
Seriously, where does she keep all that? "Huh, guess there's always a sliver lining if you look hard enough. Rock on, Pinkie."
"What about you, Vanilla? Did you do anything with rocks before coming to Ponyville?"
"Well..."
The feedback shredded through his eardrums as he violently shook the guitar in front of his amp, endlessly repeating out a high mournful screech all across the open field. The rosewood of the fretboard flaked away with every fingering. Many knobs had been replaced into a mishmash of brand pieces to clash with the broken tailpiece. The headstock had been decapitated so many times, its spine now ran thick with the sludge of Gorilla Glue. Bruised, bashed, beheaded. And yet, it still made its presence known to the crowd without question.
Like the sticker said below the bridge made clear, it was The Judge after all.
He quickly turned around and manhandled the microphone. "Whew! Alright!" He raked back his hair, mixed with sweat and saliva. "How we doing out there?" A muted response as his voice rang out with slight reverb. "I said, how we doing out there? C'mon now, don't be shy!"
A proper response this time around.
"That's what I like to hear, man! Yeah!" He clapped his hands over his head a few times. "This is a community effort, y'know? Wouldn't make no sense for us to be up here if you're not having a good time!" He looked over to the bass, who moved his hand from the tuning pegs with a thumbs up. He nodded in return.
"Now listen! Here's the deal!" He ran a finger down the neck, a high pitched note signaling the crowds attention. "I've got some very...very important information to tell all you lovely motherfuckers..." He adjusted the strap across his bare chest and leaned into the mic. "...I'm gonna sing another song." A few giggles from the crowd. "Oh yes...I'm gonna sing a song. A sing-ey song and I hope you all sing along...or don't, y'know? I mean, it's your choice...dick." More laughs.
"This little ditty is entitled...The Dream."
And on that word, a lighting fast drum fill cracked through air like pistol fire, blasting through to give passageway for the ravenous riffs and thundering bass to rip their way through the near blown out speakers.
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
"Yeah, I've had some experience with rock before."
Out of the many comments of compliments he could cast towards Sugarcube Corner, it would be that you could never convict them of the nefarious practices of false advertising, no sir. No underselling, no mock-ups to manipulate minors' minds, no bait and switch to the savory customers who salivated at their mere sight. Everything was just as you saw it, open and genuine to the whipped wares of one mare to the world. An unconventional Styx that’ll sweep you away with the seductive sin of a never-ending sugar high on the rivers of cream and sprinkles. As long as you’re willing to pay the price…and your blood pressure.
This too included the kitchen, as she’d led him from the outside towards the establishment’s internals. He was relieved to see they employed more modern forms of cooking, using blenders and ovens to make the operation run smoother than stirring by hand. A kitchen full of whimsical wonders whisked up for someone far younger than him…with a far more optimistic outlook graced by colorblindness from the looks of it.
This setup was pretty great for a small town snack shack. Perhaps just a little too well put together. If he didn’t know any better, which was most likely the truth, he would’ve thought this was all a ruse to lure him in for his mistakes at the apple orchard. Like a seagull taken in by the twinkle of a shiny lure, only to be ripped away by the spread claws of an eagle, the feathery figurehead for the boys in blue. Red and white usually came after bullets' explosion, as Smith and Wesson tore through prime flesh and spitting bone fragments. But he was past that now. Her bouncy nature wouldn’t mix well with any police department anyways.
Though not mentally, witness reports would say that he was standing in Sugarcube’s kitchen while Pinkie jumped around, giving him a rundown of the many appliances for work time application. He was taken by this strange figure in the steel of the mixer’s bowl.
“Pretty stable kitchen you got here, Pinkie. Very clean, nice and thorough.”
“Thanks! The Cake's and I always do our best to keep everything squeaky clean for the day’s work.” She ran a hoof on the countertop, which gave off the sound expected. “Especially with our more…messy mishaps.”
His neck nodded on autopilot. “Yeah, that’s something I try to do. Or…rather I would, or maybe…wait, does it count if it’s in my head?”
“Oh, you’re saying you worked at The Thought before?”
He laughed. “Sure did, been a long-time employee. Things were going pretty well in there…up there.” He seemed to recall. “Bossman was nice enough, usually got the hours I was hoping for. Days off, too. Even asked me at one point if I wanted to become partners in owning the place…but I declined. Don’t think I’d handle it well.”
“Well, you don’t need to worry about that. We run a pretty tight ship here, and today I shall be your trusty captain!”
“Well if that’s the case, care to show me how you handle business aboard your almighty vessel, oh captain-my captain?”
“Aye, I shall show ye thy ropes, ye sugary scallywag! For I, am-“ she reached behind her, yet took on a look of disbelief as she rummaged through every nook and cranny of her body. “Blimey! It appears some lowly son of a biscuit eater has gotten their grimy hooves on my captain’s hat!”
“Well, shiver me timbers.” He responded flatly. “Does that mean this joke’s walking the plank?”
“Aye, it appears true, lad…” She looked down sadly before giggling and bouncing up with joy. “See? You’re already getting it!”
“Getting what? I’ve only been here for like half an hour.”
“Well, I haven’t had to train anypony else about working here before, and you seem to understand how most of the machines work, so all that was really left for me to tell you is one of the most important, most crucial rules I follow here at Sugarcube Corner.” She said in a whisper, making him lean in close.
“What’s that?”
“Enjoy yourself and have fun! Because if you’re having a great time making it, the customers will have a great time with every bite!” Which she demonstrated with a party cannon lying around the place. Wait, didn’t she just throw one of those out? How’d it get back here?
“That’s all very nice of you, Pinkie. Love the underlying messages, but are there any surface-level things I should be aware of? Things like, uh…safety hazards, customer service, maybe personal hygiene?” He grabbed a hoof full of his mane. “I think I need to tie this back, really don’t want my brains getting churned out by the mixer.”
“I guess you could. I’ve never had to do anything with mine before.”
“Lucky you, but I would prefer pieces of me don’t end up in others digestive systems…I don’t think my hair is all that appetizing.”
“Really? I’ve been told mine taste like cotton candy!” She’s noticed his eyes go wide with a step back. “I’m just kidding! But if it’s an issue, we can use one of these party streamers here. Hold still, I’ll get it for you.”
His face was yanked back as she wrangled the hairy mass into a more manageable ponytail. And considering he now had an actual ponytail, he didn’t even want to get into the headspace of those implications. He did know that he’d have to figure out how to do that himself with his horn eventually. It couldn’t be that hard if she did it with hooves.
“There, that’ll work! Now you’re all set!”
He shrugged his shoulders, wincing slightly from the dull pain of having his hair pulled. “Right on, man. Time to get going on the goings that need getting. What’s first for me, Pinkie?”
She handed him a stack of papers that he took within his magic. “I’ll ease you in with a few orders we got through the mail this morning. We’ll go halfsies on it, I’ll take the top part if you can get the bottom of the stack.”
He squinted as he looked each page over. “Which ones are the orders, or…are these the orders here?”
“That’s their names, silly!”
“…Right.”
“Relax, we got this all under control. I have a long list of everypony’s favorites and regular orders! I keep them in one of those books over on the counter. It should be the one in the stand already. All alphabetized, numerated, color-coded, age group, address, and most importantly, party factored! Twilight would be so proud!”
Guess you’d need something like that when you’re one of the only bakeries in town. Know your clientele in and out. He was surprised by how much information she was will to give right from the get-go. Most bosses he dealt with didn’t show him much respect. And even if they did, they preferred to put dis in beforehand. He figured it might’ve had something to do with the fact she wasn’t the real one in charge here, though the imagery said otherwise. These so-called Cake’s were the ones who owned the building, but she was the only one here as far as he could see. Was she speaking metaphorically? Another joke of hers about how the cakes in the windows dictated if she could afford the roof over her head? If no one approves of the cakes, then no one approves of her…so that meant she was filling out all of these orders by herself? Jesus! After hearing that garbage with the rock mine and now this, the mare really needed a break for once.
And him, too. If this job goes well, along with Ambrose working the skies, they could stir up some quick cash to give to that Applejack pony. Then focus immediately on getting back to earth, however he was gonna do that. And keep those Light’s away from them, too. Not for anything personal on his end, honestly. The personal part was coming from them primarily with their…mindsets.
But enough about that, he needed to get his head in the game, or the business…maybe even the oven-no, probably not that one. He slowly scanned his sight down the sheet, opening a small window into its subject's wider worlds.
This one here says a group of friends is having one of their weekly get-togethers for a picnic by the park and asking for a dozen of their preferred pastries. Pretty cool, pretty cool. Next on the list was a request from a married couple, who wanted to surprise their filly and colt for their outstanding achievements in school over the past grading period, much better than they were last time around. Aww, how sweet! Another one was from a, ahem, mildly concerned stallion who needed something for his anniversary. Today. As soon as possible. Sheesh, good luck, man. And finally, there was an order from a single mare who wanted a very special cupcake for a very private matter. Huh.
Well, this all seems pretty standard for a bakery, albeit a little odd with all of the precise additional info. But he couldn’t really judge, as his last line of labor had a real knack for revealing a little too much. Odd considering crowds usually make people cocoon, even more so when they’re all turning to you eager for entertainment.
He looked over at Pinkie to see her bouncing back and forth along the countertops, gathering and mixing ingredients within a bowl, whistling a tune to herself along the way. There was already a batch of something in the oven, which looked to be cooking before he even got here. He found his head gently bobbing to her soothing tempo as he went over to her recipe book for reserved recipients.
Holy shit, this thing is enormous! It’s gotta be thousands of pages thick! With many of its pages far older than others, all shuffled around and stuffed within the sections of these many assorted tabs. Now I get all those info dumps. Good thing it was already on a bookstand, no way he was keeping this hulking mass of happy history suspended in the air for long.
As he scoured through the book's pages, he managed to pick out the ponies' names and their desired desserts, mumbling mental notes to himself all along the way.
…Add two teaspoons of cocoa powder and then a pinch of cinnamon…
…Mix cream together with butter and sugar, beat for a couple minutes…
…Use a spatula to evenly distribute the strawberry slices…
…Roll the peanuts and pretzels till crumble, drizzle across icing…
…If out of barbeque sauce, use hot sauce instead…what?
Though Ambrose would argue otherwise, these cookbooks were relatively easy to decipher, along with the whole concept of cooking in general. With everything else in life being so uncertain and full of sporadic fits of senseless chaos, baking seemed to be one of the only practices humans had and hope in deciding the fated outcome. Sure, you probably couldn’t do anything about the crazed old man, wearing nothing but a souvenir ten-gallon hat and a pair of InstaPump Furys, dry humping you in the subway during your morning commute. Hoping to transmit the correct wavelengths so that the chosen one, Dale Earnhardt, shall descend upon the earth once more atop his iron black alligator and send our souls to that great asphalt oval of our salvation…
…But you could probably make sure that your eggs weren’t burnt.
Everything was laid out in a step-by-step pattern, needing this amount of one ingredient and that amount of another. He managed to make it work nearly every breakfast and dinner, with lunch usually left to those fast food joints to handle. But this…this was much more intimate. Far more than a drive-by dine and dash. For a small store in an even smaller town, your customers are more than your daily profits, more than the proverbial power that keeps your lights on.
They’re your neighbors, the people who go to the same community events as you. They send their kids to the same schools as you. The ones who are around you every single day.
They’re your colleagues…your friends.
And you treat friends with a sincere form of respect…with a bit of teasing here and there.
Alright, no more messing around, time to take on that position of people pleaser once again! Though it would be a pony pleaser this time around. Rushed with determination, he quickly moved the book from his muzzle with a confident hoof, poised to attack his upcoming enemies with great prejudice. He would lead his own troops to victory, take that hill, secure this town, raise that flag!
…Only to discover his battalion was a hair too late. Perhaps more than a hair, more like an entire mane-full late, as the war had already concluded without him.
His jaw scraped the floor upon finding every piece of cake he’d so carefully listed had already been completed. Steaming fresh from the oven and iced to a chill. Every. Single. One.
What the hell! How is she already done with everything? Have I been staring into this book for fucking hours? She should’ve told me, Goddamnit!” He quickly glanced over at the clock, where he would’ve expected at least 4 hours to have gone by with the amount of food on the counter.
He was nearly beside himself when he only saw 4 minutes.
Not really knowing where to go next with this, he returned his gaze back to Pinkie, who was busy pouring a mix into cupcake molds, blissfully unaware while a timer ticked down for the treats’ time to rise.
He stood there for a while, staring at her without a word. Contemplating his following action with a few nervous steps in place.
…Fuck it.
“Umm…Pinkie, you mind explaining where these came from?” He managed to squeak out as politely as he could.
“Where’d what come from-“ She was cut off by a loud gasp, sucking in enough oxygen to suspend her in the air for a few seconds. She zoomed over to his counter, checking the food with a keen, analytical eye. “Wowee! Amazing work! I had a feeling you were gonna be a fast learner, but I never expected this fast!” she pulled out an old stopwatch. “That’s gotta be even faster than Starlight’s time. You’re one super-duper speedy stirrer, Vanilla Fudge!” She celebrated with a wink and a smile.
“Wait…you didn’t do this?”
“Nope, I was busy with my own mix over there…plus, you have a bunch of utensils in your magic right now.”
“I do?” He looked up to see a spoon, spatula, dropper and whisker all suspended in the air in a familiar golden hue. He also noticed upon closer inspection that all of the food in front of him had these bright golden sparkles twinkling in the light. “…I do.”
“That’s incredible! How’d you do that?”
“Uhh…I…” His ears folded as the objects quickly made their way back to earth. “I’m not really sure to be honest with you. I was reading off that book you have, and it sorta came to me…naturally I suppose. Or as natural as magic can be…”
Her head titled in curiosity, then turning around to tend to her mix once more. She added some more cocoa powder and stirred before another thought came to her. “Huh, that’s weird…I figured unicorns learn about their abilities when they’re in school.”
“Yeah, I never actually finished my grade school studies… I dropped out when my senior year rolled around.”
She looked distraught, one that suggested not many she knew ended up taking that route in life. “Aww, why’s that?”
“Well…not to be rude or anything, I know teachers have to make a living somehow, but what they were teaching wasn’t going to help me make one. And it definitely didn’t help pay the bills at the time…”
She pondered over his word for a while, eyes twitching in an internal conversation with her brain. She eventually ended it with a nonchalant shrug. “Hmm, well, if you ever want to pick up on your studies again, you should stop by the castle’s library. They have books for almost everything you could possibly think of!”
“Everything?”
“Everything!” She repeated with widespread hooves.
“Everything…hmm…” He rubbed his chin as he let this newfound information soak in his head. First off, how the hell could that castle be that big, and yet he still never saw a library? But second…almost any kind of book he could think of? Going over an ocean's worth of history…notes…knowledge, there had to be many books about that—especially ones made for and by unicorns. Books of magic…spells…abilities.
Opportunities…
Ding!
“Oh! Excuse me!” She hopped over to the oven and used her mouth to open the door. Biting down on a rag to protect herself from the sheet’s heat. Setting them on the counter with a swipe of sweat and a strong sniff. “Ooo, these smell absolutely deeeelicious! What’d you think, Vanilla?”
He walked over and looked at the sheet. It was only a few items she’d baked in this batch, all pretty normal, too. Everything appeared to be baked through properly, not a second too early, neither one too long, right on the money. Their shapes were well defined, seemingly cut out via chisel from a slab of sugary concrete. All the markings of a professional, or he assumed as much.
And then he gave them a whiff.
It was a wonderful smell! It was something he’d known before, but this time it was so pure! So enticing! With no hint of any organisms mutilated by genetic government meddling. No, the only thing that’d engineered these was no other than mother nature herself. But there was something else, something stranger-yet substantial. Something…something…
“Hmm, what was that about something?”
“Huh? Oh-no, sorry, the music distracted me for a sec there. Think I might’ve overdone it on all these party favors…”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself at least. Told you she throws the best parties.”
“Oh yeah? How does she fare…after…the party?”
“Vanilla…”
“Heh heh, just messing around.”
“When are you not?”
“Ok…uh, I can say this was seriously a good choice of town on your behalf, glad you mentioned it when you came up to visit. Pretty cheap, too, all things considered. Don't know how you do it...must be those wings, letting you fly high and see into the distant future.”
“Oh, I guess so. I’m just so happy you two are settling in well after such a long trip, woo-hoo…”
“Yeah, you said it, man! And thank you for helping with the welcoming party, don’t know how I can repay you for all this.”
“Well, maybe you two could return the favor and visit me sometime?”
“…I think we could do that.”
“Wonderful! It’s not that hard to find, just a little cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville, near the edge of the Everfree.”
“Ah, that little place! Y’know, when I first saw it out in the distance, it really did resonate with your kinda vibe. So much so, I could’ve sworn I saw a buttery pegasus floating around it…”
“Oh, umm, that’s because…nevermind. I can’t wait to see you there.”
“Absolutely.”
“Hey, Vanilla! C’mon, we’re taking pictures!”
“Remember, open your eyes fully...”
To which he did, opening them as he rose from the baking sheet and looked over to Pinkie with a bright smile.
“These are fantastic! I think Fluttershy is really gonna enjoy them!”
“C’mon, Mellow! Just a few more clouds over here and we’ll be done with this part of town!”
“I’m...trying...Rainbow...” He sputtered as he pushed the cloud in front of him. Though they didn’t call for them, passers below were being hit by impromptu waves of showers from the sweat draining off of him.
It turns out he’d greatly underestimated just how heavy a floating ball of condensed condensation was actually capable of being. Seriously, someone should’ve warned him he needed to stretch before doing something like this! These things were like boulders when they were at a massive buildup, absorbing other smaller clouds in a ravenous fit of gluttony, gurgling and growing with his groaning.
Seriously, what’s the deal here? Can’t planes just cut through these no problem? Since when are we able to actually move them ourselves? He huffed as he gave one final shove to the cloud in front of him. Must be that good ol' American education hard at work. Hardly working as usual.
So too was his pint sized ‘partner’ as she’d like to be called. It appeared to him that she might’ve had a hoof in the reason he was having so much difficulty moving these clouds around, as she was sucking in so much hot air, they weren’t able to catch any currents to glide on.
“There. Done.” He grunted, attempting to wipe the sweat caught with his chest fluff. He didn’t know pegasi had all this extra fur on them, nor that it had this weird semi-feathery texture to them. But he found it out very quick. He concluded it must do with the higher altitudes, a defense mechanism of organic insulation.
“Aww yeah! Way to go, Mellow!” She pumped a hoof. “It wasn’t the fastest work I’ve seen, but you’ve showed those fluffy baddies the what for!”
“Yeah, thanks. But it could’ve been done quicker if we handled it together. Y’know, like the partners we’re supposed to be?” He stated flatly, crossing his arms. If I was working with Lou, I’d at least know how much of a helping hand he would be...which is very little.
She gave him a relaxed shrug, leaning back and crossing her legs. “I figured I’d let you handle distribution over the park to get a sense of what it’s like actually moving a cloud. Since you’ve never done it...somehow.” She pulled her sunglasses up to her brow with an analytical squint. “And not too shabby your first time around. Just light enough to shield from the sun, but not so much to the point it’s an overcast. Perfect for a picnic in the park.” She peered over the skyscape, locating a few sections of heavy black. “But you do have areas of extreme buildup, while others are in need an fully formed cloud to even out the sky for a nice and pleasant environment.” She finished with a jokingly cutesy tone, rubbing her cheeks. Ending it with a snicker.
“Really?” Learning about another job made him feel sluggish. Details people like him could never really understand. Ironic that deaf and dumb seemed to work just fine for the average work day. Certainly helped when the response was usually that’s fucking interesting, man, that’s fucking interesting...
“Absolutely! You need to keep the distributions equal and at similar altitudes when wanting to creating a specific type of weather pattern. Otherwise the wind speeds go all over the place, and clashing altitudes might cause uncontrolled spouts of rain. And we definitely don’t want that! Ponies with soggy sandwiches and muddy fields is never the recipe of a good afternoon.”
“No ma’am, it most definitely isn’t.” He looked at the lopsided clouds. “Guess we gotta fix that, but how’re we gonna get all of this before our next spot in town?”
“Heh, that’s where I come in.” She removed her sunglasses, flicking out her mane in its slightly unkempt state. “Hold, please...” She tossed her glasses to him, then pulling over a cloud. “...And take five, while I work my own kinda magic.” She gave it fluff and a pat, motioning him to sit.
He would’ve been more hesitant to accept the offer, but he’d already been handling them for the past how hours at this point, and his wings felt like they were going to fall off from the nonstop flapping. He positioned himself over the cloud. Letting his wings go limp as he fell onto it. He was immediately hit by an extreme set of spikes and tingles, his body overloading in a hypnic jerk. But when he dropped on the cloud’s surface, he bounced on what was possibly the most comfortable surface he’d ever come across! It was like those metaphors he’d always heard back home...but it was literally the real thing!
He scooted his haunches in, letting his wings fold at his sides. “Take five? What’d you mean, Rainbow?”
“I meant what I said, take five.” She repeated with a played up snootiness. “You said this was a partnership deal we had worked out, so it’s time I do my part.” She hopped on the cloud. Stretching her limbs out into a readied stance. A confident smile painted across her face.
He chuckled. “Five what exactly? Minutes? Hours?”
“Seconds.”
Soon, what felt like a bomb exploding mere inches from his face shot forward at light speed. Causing his mane and wings to be whipped forward, nearly tearing straight off his body. He grabbed onto the cloud with all his might, his eyes watering instantly as they tried to remained focused on what just occurred.
Just in time to see a rainbow tracer ricocheting all across the sky, kicking around clouds, flattering out formations and bringing the darker sections to a much tamer hue. He rubbed his eyes to try and get a better view. Only once he reopened them, the whole event had already wrapped up. Leaving in its wake an immaculate blue sky with perfectly placed clouds.
He sat there in awestruck, while a blue figure floated down in front of him. Arms crossed with a very pleased smirk.
“Ta-da! Told you, five seconds. Well, technically that was 4.95 seconds, but I’ll round up because of what you did earlier.”
“Rainbow...that was insane!” He cheered. “I can’t believe you did all of that!”
“Of course I did!” She responded triumphantly. “I told you I was gonna help you today. I’m loyal to my word, Mellow.”
“That’s incredible! How’d you get it done so fast?”
“Heh, many of those tricks were just some of my Wonderbolt practices tweaked for the job. It’s no big deal.”
“Wonderbolt practices?”
This acted as some kind of trigger word, as her face seemed to glow even brighter than the technicolor hair encasing her being. “Oh yeah! I never got to tell you that!” She appeared at his side, fidgeting up and down with giddy energy. “I finally did it, after all this time, I was finally able to get on the Wonderbolt's team! Oh, it still gets me all excited just saying it!”
He had no idea what any of that meant, but he could tell it made ecstatic with pride and joy. The kind of pride that comes from a lifetime of hard work and dedication, committing great portions of your life to that dream you have of yourself since childhood. Being able to step up to those nagging naysayers in your head, and being able to kick their teeth right down their throats. Fuck you, I did it. It was a feeling he was very familiar with. Especially when he managed to complete that 650 squat. And he yelled just as loud.
He may not have known her, but he knew her.
“You actually made it in? Nice, Rainbow! I knew you had it in you!” Giving her a genuine smile.
“Thanks, Mellow! And it’s a real blast, too! Just how we pictured it all those years ago, zipping around at dangerous speeds, attempting death defying stunts that leave the spectators right on the edge of their seats, chomping down on their hooves in a fear of how you’re ever gonna pull it off. Thinking nopony could do that and stay in one piece! And then...just as they fear the worst...bam! You stick it at the very last second! The crowd goes wild, the adrenaline flows through every fiber of your being, maximum awesomeness!” She finished her statement, but her face grew a frown. “It might also possibly be the reason I missed your welcoming party, considering how long practices can be. Sorry I couldn’t make it.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it. If it’s something you couldn’t avoid, then you couldn’t avoid it. Life happens...besides, you’re here now, aren’t you?” He found himself saying.
“Well, I mean, yeah. But I gotta make up for it somehow. I can’t leave you twisting in the wind here.”
“You’re helping me with the weather patrol...I’d say that covers it pretty nicely.”
“Alright, if you say so.” She said, but her eyes still disagreed.
“I am.” He punctuated with a firm tone. It seemed to do the trick, as she looked back to the clouds with a light nod. There, how’s that, Luna?
“...Say, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you attend any of the tryouts before, what gives? I know it’s been a while, but I thought you said you were gonna go at some point? I’ve been looking for you...”
"Huh? Oh...guess I just moved on to other ventures in life, y'know? Different things grabbed my interest. Weights and other exercises being a few, thanks for noticing by the way." He gave her a quick pose and a flex, unfurling his wings fully to complete the act. "I found it all to be very fulfilling."
"...But that just raises the question even more." She looked him up and down taking in all his features, most prominently his wings. He could've sworn he saw the smallest of blushes beneath her blue fur.
"Ah it's nothing serious, really. Besides, I don't think I'm cut out for that sort of...sport anyway." He guessed this whole Wonderbolt thing was part of this world's version of baseball or basketball.
"Have you seen some of the ponies that try to get in?" She continued to pester him. Annoyingly so. Throwing a little temper tantrum because someone isn't doing what you want.
...That's not true. He knew what those emotions were. Hurt. The hurt you feel when someone you used to know is no longer how you remember them. Almost a stranger. I’ve only met her for one day, and I’m already crushing her! If he was smart, he would've dropped the whole act outright and told her who he really was. But they were pretty high up. Above solid ground.
"C'mon, don't sell yourself short. I certainly think you could give it shot." An eyebrow raised. "In fact, I know just how we can prove it, follow me!" She jumped from the cloud and started making her way upward and slipped through a crack in the clouds.
He went back in the air and followed suit as she continued to go higher. Higher. Much higher than he'd gone before, to the point he felt slight compressions in his chest as the air stretched thinner. But he handled it rather well, considering he was in a place no human had any reason to be in.
As he broke through the barrier, he was rushed by all kinds of emotions. He stopped and looked across the sky. The clouds, ever so carefully placed, covered the ground in a soft white blanket. Tumbling and turning amongst themselves like a fluffy ocean, reflecting off the crystal blue sky above. Everything around him was quiet and still, say for the gentle gusts of winds around his body, which was just the right temperature. Whispering into his ears with the most calming notes.
The view above town was already amazing, but this...this was gorgeous. Everything was in balance, just the right amount of elements to create this calming nature well above. As if...everything made sense up here, flying high above the world. Hearing the mellow pace of his wings left him in a state of great peace. Up here, it was just him and his thoughts slowly turning to bliss. Manipulating his muscles into twirls and circles. It's like...I'm with the wind...the wind is with me, as we're intertwined together. No, we are one, existing together on the same plane as we've melted into the Earth's atmosphere. One being. One soul...it's all really...far out, dude.
You know, if he was gonna be able to do this everyday, maybe he wouldn't mind being a pony. Not forever of course! But if possible...maybe they could stick around a little while after that debt is paid off. Just a little longer. Moderately longer.
"Mellow, over here!" He looked up even higher as Rainbow waved down to him from a cloud with...was that a runway? He flew up to her and landed, shifting from hoof to hoof on the surprisingly solid surface. "Woah, so you do this daily?" She gave him an all knowing mmm-hmm as he looked down onto Ponyville. "I think I understand your confusion earlier about my line of work."
"Right? Like, if you're gonna build anything, I'd take clouds over wood any day of the week. A lot easier on the feathers, too."
"Yeah...the view is worth it alone." ...Reminds me of the mountains back home. Except I'm the mountains...looking down on myself.
"Keep looking, do you see anything? Anything...interesting?"
He squinted as he focused his vision amidst their work earlier that morning. At first their placement seemed random, only needed for where they were requested. But as he stared, patterns started to form. Those ones over there were shaped like turns. And that bump over there a type of hill. And that bunch over here is a looping shape. Winding paths, hairpins, obstacles... "I think I see...some kinda race course?"
"Ha ha, thaaaaaat's right! Sometimes I gotta entertain myself at work and find those small bits of fun. This is the best way I know how..." She made him focus in on her hoof, slowly tracing around the course like a fish on a line. "...And I think it's time I got up to speed on just how good a flyer you are."
Wait, now? "Aren't we in the middle of our shift?"
"We're almost done, Mellow."
"But it's only around half past noon."
"It sure is!" She responded gleefully. "You’d be surprised just how quick the weather patrol is here. Most of the time, ponies like the same kinda skies when there's no storm scheduled. They say it helps make their day go by easier. Heh, I gotta agree on that!"
"Are you serious?" He coughed in surprise. "Wow...that sounds like a pretty good deal to me." Most shifts went well into the night, I can actually enjoy my evenings for once. Though I worry about the pay...hopefully it's not hourly.
Rainbow jumped in front of him. "Cool! Here's what I got in mind, a simple aerial aerobics exercise. You follow me, fly through it, and then we'll determine if you're really not cut out. You game?"
She's a real go-getter. With a nice seasoning of competitiveness for good measure. Man, she really does remind me of mom. What would she think of all this? Her son having randomly been turned into a female flying pony in a dimension far beyond his comprehension, now being challenged by the living embodiment of a decade old viral video?
...Hmph, between the many dirt track trophies lining the walls, and that weird interaction back at the orchard, he knew exactly how she'd handle this. He could almost hear the engine purring.
"You're on Rainbow!"
"Awesome!" Her wings were now buzzing with incredible excitement, accompanied by the look on her face. "We'll go all the way to the outskirts of town, see ya there!" She speed off, leaving a bright rainbow trail behind her.
"Not if I see you there first!" Most likely false, but it’s the spirit that counts. He extended his wings and sprinted down the track. Ears folded back, tail pointed straight, eyes fastened forward. He angled them upward slightly, slamming the winds to push his body upward. Just like the acres. As he reached the end of the runway, he positioned his whole body forward and gave his wings one powerful flap. Shifting into gear. They crashing down like a mighty hammer, exploding his body forward like a bullet, beating his record time to 60 in split seconds.
HolyshitholyshitHOLYSHIT! His mind was screaming as loud as the winds with everything around him becoming a shapeless blob of blurs. He half expected his eyes to shrivel in a second, but miraculously he was able to keep them functioning, focusing on the streaks of color before him. They had turned left abruptly right before a large set of clouds.
Ok, that must be more of her trail, just follow that! Turn! He angled his wings and positioned his body to turn. Right as he got to the cloud, he gave his wings another hard flap. His whole body immediately shot sideways, jerking his head to the left. He tugged against his body as all his weight compressed to one side. He quickly evened it out with a gasp, continuing to follow her trail, albeit with far less grace.
Much like before, he cleared his head of any needless thoughts, only leaving his wings, body, and the path ahead. When the trail went upwards, he moved accordingly. Quick lefts and rights shook him senseless as he attempted to follow point by point. What was this Wonderbolt thing? Shit, she's running him around like some kinda stunt plane! He felt his guts twisting into knots, ready to spew up his neck in intense nausea. And the called this simple? This was crazy!
Fortunately for her, he was beginning to like crazy.
Every flap of his wings began to boil the stew within his neck, bubbling it from a pit of sickness to a set of giggles. Sometimes one would escape when they would go around these extravagant, swirling paths around the waves of clouds. He was able to catch himself within her slipstream, closing the gap inch by inch. The sounds of a jet pounded into his ears. Which was also joined by another guttural note, the sound of an engine he knew all to well. Flat out. All gas, no brakes!
But it was once they went through a set of loops, he burst into a fit of ecstatic laughter, raising his voice to a higher pitch than before. Rainbow looked back at the commotion going on behind her, taking on a confused expression at seeing just how close he'd caught up with her. It didn't last long, as her mouth began to curl from its own chuckles. Wasn't long before the sky was filled with laughter, blue and gold blurs bouncing off the clouds at incredible speeds.
Just like when they were fillies.
He pushed himself even harder, eventually able to fly up to her side. "Enjoying yourself?" He nodded his head stupidly fast. "Good...now follow this."
She dropped quickly, taking a near vertical dive towards the ground. He copied the move without missing a beat, plummeting multiple feet by the second. The adrenaline! The wind in his mane! The speed...she needed more! How cruel it was that humans could never experience something like this, without the help of some gigantic metal monstrosity that took years and a huge sum of money to learn. Yet all she needed to do was flap her wings, Vanilla would absolutely love this!
Rainbow had almost become a splatter, yet angled her wings to send her shooting back to the sky at the last second, leaving an upside down arc of her namesake. She went to follow, prepared to hit it at the very same altitude. But as she went to change angles, she was struck by a horrible sting of pain flashing throughout every tip of the wings. Completely breaking his concentration as he began flailing in the air, trying to pull up as best he could. Each flap felt like a knife in his back, but he managed himself into a far less deadly descent. But he was gonna need to land hard...in the clouds. Hilarious. Ha. Ha...ha.
And of course, almost as if he willed it into existence, a medium sized cloud appeared. Like a conveniently fluffy safety net. With no other way out, he wrapped his hooves around him and braced for impact. Plunging in with a painful thud, like falling in the packed snow ski slope. After he was able to get his bearing, he poked his head out of the cloud like a gopher. Shaking out his mane in time to see Rainbow in front of him, laughing her flank off.
"Ha ha ha ha ha, wipeout!" She floated down and helped pull him out of the clouds. Dusting him off with a smile. "Alright, maybe you're not ready for the Wonderbolt tryouts yet. But don't sweat it! With some focused dieting, exercise and a crash course on the complete Wonderbolt history, you may have a shot." He looked at her and began to laugh again, this time wincing from the pain. "What?" She asked with a giggle.
"Heh...I almost had you."
"Oh yeah? You think so?"
"Yeah!" He continued to laugh. Quite infectious, as he managed to get Rainbow to join in on it. Like a couple of old friends.
The day had wrapped up nicely, all packaged together with pretty colors of a cool afternoon. After being in the sky for so long, the two pegasi decided to walk and admire their hard work. Especially since one of them felt like their wings had become unwound in a mess of dull throbs of discomfort. But that had little effect on their emotions, still chatting with cheerful smiles about the daily happenings of life and generally trying to catch up with one another. If it wasn’t through speed, then through speech.
Passers by would occasionally thank them for their work today, with words of wonderful admiration and gratitude. He found it a little startling to receive praise for doing your job, but he never had to remove the literal clouds hanging above their heads before. A surprise to be sure...but he welcomed it.
“What a day, what-a-day.” He walked with extra pop in his step. “As first times go, I’d say that was one of the more satisfying shifts I’ve started out with, if I didn’t blow out my wings, that is.” He tried to lift them, making him wince. “I really should’ve stretched this morning. Thanks for covering the rest of my work.”
“Relax, I got you covered! If we lift each other up, we all succeed together, right?” He nodded. “I’m really glad you liked it, too. It’s a pretty good gig, nice and laid back...heh, at least compared to my other duties.”
She mentioned those a few times. He understood the Wonderbolt situation to be a sporting endeavor, but then there were these weird stories. Fantastical battles for Equestria against threats old and new, and this element of loyalty thing he hardly comprehend. He thought she was only riffing off ideas in her head, as some do when stuck with the detriment of downtime, but her sheer excitement said otherwise. Then again, when you’re hearing all this while pushing multiple clouds filled with rain across the sky, it gets drowned out.
“Yeah, no doubt, Rainbow. I’ll have to take you up on some of those exercises, don’t want to stall any further work if you know what I mean.”
“I’ll show you a few tricks I have, but if you wanna get nice and loose, you could head over to the spa sometime.” She said, slightly shifty at the word.
“The spa?”
“Yeah, they offer treatments meant specifically for athletes. Deep tissue work, hoof kneading, wing preening...nice, cozy stones they run all down your back...lovely...oh so lovely pampered muzzle massages...” She mumbled, but quickly caught herself. “Uh, not that I’d know anything about those. I mean hello, protector of Equestria here! All thrills, no frills!”
“Sure thing Rainbow, thanks for giving me the tip.” Though, it wasn’t really him she was helping, was it? It was her, Mellow Yellow, the mare he’d been shoved into. Now puppeteering from within its head. He’d tried his best to avoid those thoughts, that everyone was speaking to him but not speaking to him. He kept himself occupied by his work, but they would eventually come around. It made him feel gross, parasitic even.
Lonely.
They crossed an intersection where many storefronts were located. The owners switching signs and sliding locks, all with the smiles of a successful day. He closed his eyes for a moment to imagine himself behind the wheel, taking the daily drive back to the house. If he thought real hard about it, he could almost hear the engine belting out its low, guttural note. Going from one job to another in dealing with Lou.
Louis. He’d been thinking about him, too. This being yet another day he’d went into town on his own. He would look down regularly to see if he could spot him. Hopes would rise upon seeing a familiar outline, yet would crash and burn finding it to be a stranger. Highs and lows, uppers and downers, fading out into endless bummers.
He was originally going towards the castle to see how he handled the two mares, when he had another thought go through his head. “Actually, forget the castle. We’re going to Sugarcube Corner instead.”
“Huh, why? I thought you said you needed to get there after work?”
“I have to pick up an order.”
“Of what?”
“Fudge.” He said with a sly smile.
Rainbow looked confused for a moment, then her eyebrows fell again. “Heh heh, oh I see. A very important order...” He rolled his eyes, she seemed to like the little jokes. They walked a few more seconds and she turned to him again. “So, how are things between you and him? You said you two moved in together?”
“That’s right, really helps you make it somewhere when you’re with somepony you know.”
“And how well exactly do you two know each other, hmmm?” She continued to poke, literally and figuratively.
“Well enough.” He pushed her back with a hoof. “Enough to know he might’ve changed his mind about meeting Twilight. Could’ve bounced around like a pinball, trying to find the right hole to consider his true calling.”
“Geez, he’s that scatterbrained?”
“I prefer to call it free spirited.”
Turn your brain off and float along. That’s probably how he was doing it. Pretty smart, ironically speaking. Certainly would’ve helped Ambrose, but there were so many incidents that happened yesterday he was busy processing. From the tour, meeting Pinkie, talking to himself in the form of yet another alicorn princess...
...And then there was that thing back at the house, after they’d discovered their home was their home. Sitting there, holding each other as the world crumbled around them. It was plaguing him more than anything else, replaying it in his head. Stroking his fur with a hoof...feeling his soft mane falling inbetween his feathertips...and that nice, reassuring warmth in his chest. Whenever he thought about it, these strange tingles would start to dance throughout him...
Nah, it was probably just because he was scared senseless at the time.
They spotted a pony walking the opposite direction, looking down into its hoof as they were sifting through coins from the saddlebags draped across their back.
Rainbow did a double take. “I don’t think that tie is doing her any favors, do you see how long her mane is? How does she even walk around with that thing?”
“Not she...”
“Huh?”
“Not she...he.” He said, feeling a rush of happiness flow through him. He stood up straight and vigorously waved a hoof. “Hey, Vanilla! Over here!”
One of their ears turned in his direction, causing the rest of their head to follow suit. Once he got a glimpse of him, that all to familiar lazy smile wrapped around his face and trotted up to them. Careful not to shake the bags too much.
“Mellow! It’s so good to see you again!”
“You too!” He wrapped a wing around him, but immediately pulled back from the pain. “I thought you said you were going to help Twilight at the castle...ow.”
“I was, I really was, but she said my enthusiasm would be better used in Sugarcube rather than some stuffy castle, and y’know what? For the first time ever, I think I agreed with a politician, it’s crazy!”
“Heh, you dodged a big one there, buddy. Lest you would’ve gotten stuck with the eggheads all day.” Rainbow chirped, idly floating in the air.
He stared at her, eyes melting over from the multicolored mass. “Woah...” His head began to slowly tilt sideways. “Hey, Mellow, I don’t if I’ve said this before, but I think this rainbow is talking to me.”
“You’d be correct, and also incorrect at the same time. This is Rainbow Dash.”
“And you must be Vanilla Fudge.” She landed and struck a confident pose. “You’re the one Mellow’s always going on about, huh?”
“Yeah, physically at least. What about you? Are you Rainbow in like, a physical or spiritual sense?”
“Uuuh...both?”
“...Cooool, it’s like I’m talking to the wind.”
She looked concerned, but shrugged it off. “Gotta say, not to sound rude, but I wasn’t expecting you to be a unicorn, Fudge.”
“I know, me neither!” He started to laugh.
Rainbow leaned over to Ambrose. “Is...is he alright?”
“Don’t worry, this is as normal as it’s gonna get.”
The group sat and discussed their workdays. The pros and cons of crafting cloud patterns, and deciphering the phenomenon many refer to as Pinkie being Pinkie. Things seemed to start out well for their hopefully short careers around sentient equines.
At least they’re friendly enough, guess Luna was right about that one, too. Ambrose wondered if he would see her again tonight, appearing in a cloud of space dust and congratulating him on his efforts.
Louis was still captured by the cascading colors of Rainbow’s hair. Reminded him of the hundreds-if not thousands-of icings, sprinkles, toppers, and general flairs within the kitchen. All those names, all that running around...it was crazy how many showed up, it wasn’t even a Friday! Wait, is it...this is a weekday, right?
While Louis pondered this, he felt his stomach complain of neglect with a low growl.
“Say, you guys want to go get anything to eat? I haven’t had anything since this morning.”
Rainbow rubbed the bad of her head sheepishly. “I’d like too, but I gotta check up on Tank, he’s my pet tortoise.”
“Dash, with a tortoise?”
“I know.” She chuckled. “But he’s the best one anypony could ask for.”
He turned to Ambrose. “Well, guess it’s me and you then, how tragic.”
“Shouldn’t we just eat at the house? Y’know, to save money?”
“Man, I’m completely baked out for today. Plus, I got a bunch of tips we can use to cover it.” He levitated coins out of his bags...and carrots. “These were a little strange, though.”
“Awesome, dude! Ponies usually gives those whenever they’re really pleased with somepony’s work.”
Right, ponies get treats whenever they do something as asked. “Oh...groovy.” Then he ate one.
“Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt to eat out every now and then, but I always prefer when you do it.” Ambrose said, slightly disappointed.
“Heh, I’m sure you do.”
“Hmm?”
“Oh, nothing.” She took to the air again. “There’s plenty of cafés around town if you want something decent but not too expensive. In fact, there’s a really good one a few blocks from here. The one with the sign of a big sundae in a cup.” She started to fly away, continuing to shout. “You two enjoy your meal, see you around!” With another mighty flap, she went off with a rainbow tracer.
“So, you’ve got a new partner in crime, I see?” Louis chuckled. “Why, is the old model just not cutting it for you?”
“Oh please, like anypony could ever replace you.” He joked, but his face warmed up slightly afterwards.
“Ha, I’ll take that as a compliment.” He placed his things back into his bag and turned towards the street. “Shall we?”
The two walked around for a few minutes, Louis whistling slightly off key. Ambrose tried to hum along, finding it hard to harmonize with his lower tone. This mediocre melody continued until they found the restaurant in question, with outdoor seating and a large tree for shade. Doing as instructed by the sign and seating themselves at one of the more shaded tables.
“Ah, so good to finally get off my hooves.” Louis relaxed back into his chair, taking an exaggerated breath of fresh air. “I had no idea just how hectic cupcakes can be. It felt like when you used to run me around the track.”
“Told you it would come in handy at some point.” He replied with a smug grin.
“That don’t stop the sweating...or the soreness.”
A pony walked up to their table, wearing a vest and bow tie, contrasting horribly with his pale green fur and blonde mane hastily styled. “Hello um...ma’am and...sir.” He greeted timidly. “I’m Table Jockey, and welcome to the...uh, Sunset Sundae! How may I help you on this lovely evening?” He asked, going through his lines as he handed them both a script.
They both eyes each other, mentally agreeing to play their part. “Well, I’m a mare that requires pr-r-ristine perfection!” Louis said in a snooty tone, rolling his r’s. “I’m not some hoedown hillbilly who’ll take what’s served from the troughs, I need something that aligns with who I am. Something that will not only satisfies my hunger, but digs straight down into my spirit. To quench the hunger within my soul!”
His pupils looked like pinpricks, before he blinked and tried to speak. “I...uh, um...we serve food here, ma’am. Would you like some of that?”
“Excuse me!” Ambrose boomed, taking his voice to its lowest level. “Are you saying that my marefriend’s needs are of no concern to you? Is she nothing more than walking bag of bits? An object?”
“W-What? N-N-No! I was just-“
“Just what? Trying to tell her what she should get yourself?”
“Hmph, a stallion taking out his power fantasies on a poor mare for no good reason, the nerve on you!”
“N-No, this is all a m-misunderstanding!”
Louis gave him a cold glare. “There is no misunderstanding here, Jockey. You’ve shown your true colors, no matter how pale they are.”
“Yes, perhaps we should let management know about this incident.”
“I believe we shall, I bet this isn’t the first time they’ve had one with him. Perhaps it’ll be the last.”
“No! Please don’t!” He was practically on his knees. “I swear I didn’t mean anything by it! I’m sorry for being so ignorant, don’t tell my boss! I just started working here and I’m really enjoying it, I can’t lose this job, not now!”
He hung his head low, only to hear them burst into wicked laughter. Slamming the table to control themselves.
“Woo boy! Scared ya, didn’t we?”
“Huh, w-wait...what?”
“Yeah we did, you should’ve seen the look on your face!” Louis answered, wiping a tear.
“Wait, so...you were just joking?” Table looked at him with a quivering lip, his big blue eyes swimming with hurt and betrayal.
“Yeah, we’re just messing with you because you screwed up your greeting. I’m the stallion, she’s the mare.”
“Oh, I...well, I’m sorry. I never would’ve guessed-“
“I know, no one does.” He responded quickly.
“But we also know you shouldn’t just let somepony walk all over you like that. You gotta have some backbone if you’re in customer service of any kind.” Ambrose added, as if he didn’t just traumatize the teenager.
“I guess you’re right. I can’t just let others treat me like a doormat.” He said with newfound confidence.
“Exactly...” Louis gave him a wink. “...Now I’d like a extra large soda, really fizzy, crush the ice.”
“Coming right up!”
Ambrose silenced another giggle. “I’m good with water for now, thank you.” Table Jockey nodded with a smile and trotted off into the restaurant. “Seriously, more sugar? Haven’t you had enough today?”
“But what about my needs, Mellow?”
“Your needs?...I think I need a smoke, but I’m sure they got rules here, if smoking even exists to begin with.” He looked to the top of Louis’s head. “And he’s right, no one would guess with that bow.”
“Oh, that thing. I had Pinkie tie it back for work, guess I don’t need it anymore.” He grabbed one of the ends with his mouth and pulled.
Ambrose watched as the creamy colored currents released from their holds, erupting into tidal waves of mane. It was if time slowed, allowing him to take in every wave and curl that he ever had. He felt...like he wanted to take his wing and catch it all, letting its softness bury deep within his wingtips again. Then suddenly, a pair of hooves fluffed it, making it even more poofy. He shifted his eyes to look him in the face, which it fell around perfectly. No curl caught in his mouth, no strand sticking into his ears, nothing blocking his eyes.
His eyes, how’d he never notice them like this before? They used to be green, but this brown was...incredibly deep. Swirling and shifting, patterns repeating themselves, oh my, they were kaleidoscopes! Incredible! And they suited him so well, both mentally and...physically...
“There, much better.” Louis said with a relieved sigh. “That’s one benefit of being here I suppose, I get to let it all hang out.” He chuckled and looked to his menu.
He continued to gaze, watching the orbs bounced back and fourth across the sheet. Spirals twirling and melting into one another. Until they firmly planted themselves to look back at him. For a moment. Then longer. Longer.
“Uh, Mellow? You ok?” They asked, echoing around his skull.
He blinked, and the rest of the world sped up to him. “Huh? What’d you say?”
“I asked if you were alright, you spaced out for a while...is there something on my face?”
“What? Oh no...no, you’re fine. I just...spaced out, like you said.” He blurted, realizing his heart was pumping quicker than he thought.
“You sure? You’re face is a little red...”
He put a hoof to his cheek. “Oh, the sun cracked through the leaves for a second and hit me in the face. Not to mention I’ve been outside all day, it’s quite warm.”
“Guess I came at the right moment then, huh?” They turned to see Jockey returned, holding a tray on his wing with their drinks. He placed them on the table, then folded the tray under his wing and brought out a notepad. “Now, um...you still interested in satisfying that hunger?”
“Yes indeed.” Louis hovered his hoof over the menu. “Lemme get this portobello burger, with hay fries...what are those?”
“They’re fries...made of hay, as most fries are.”
“Not potatoes?”
“Goodness, no! What’re we trying to do, poison our customers?”
“Sheesh, relax, it was just a question. But I’ll take em.”
He scribbled it quickly. “And you?”
Ambrose scrambled with his menu. “I’ll have the chickpea and oat salad, hold the side, thanks.”
“Perfect! Thank you, it’ll be out as soon as possible!” Jockey gave a courteous nod and trotted off again.
They watched him all the way again. “What do you think?” Ambrose asked.
“Way too chipper, makes him appear fake. Needs to dial back on the smile so he’s not trying to split his face in two. Other than that, I’d say he’s fine.”
“Hmm, holding back, are we?”
“You’re the one who’s holding back, why didn’t you get a side?”
“The salad already looked big enough, I don’t need to add more. Gotta stay light for this weather stuff.”
“So you weren’t kidding, you actually change the weather, like literally?” He nodded. “Woah, that’s pretty fucking far out, man...yet immensely horrifying as well.”
“Yeah, you’re telling me.”
“Well guess what? You won’t have to worry about it for too long. For I have a plan.” He leaned in closer on the table, keeping it a whisper. “So apparently, that castle we were staying in also functions as a library. It’s got like, a library’s worth of books.”
“You just said it was a libr-“
“Let me finish, Pinkie said that it holds all kinds of different books, different subjects, right? Perhaps a few even written by unicorns?” Ambrose gave him a look of I’m listening. “Now, these ponies can use magic...some involving teleportation. I know I can do it, but I can’t control it. So if I hone in on it, and go through those books, I bet I can find a spell-ability-whatever the fuck that’ll get us back home!” He finished with a spark of his horn. “How’s that sound?”
“...That...is...kinda brilliant. For you at least.” That was the closest he’d ever gotten to a thought of leaving this place...he more focused on his work. No! He couldn’t stay here, there were people counting on him back on Earth. Who knows what was going on there. Did they notice they were gone? Maybe a missing persons report? Or maybe...maybe they’d just forgotten about him. Well he wasn’t gonna let that happen. “...If we can pull this off, maybe we could...uh...”
“Could what?”
“Maybe we could bring Rainbow with us? I think she’d really like all the cars and planes we have over there.”
“But she’s not from over there, she’s from here. We can’t just chuck her onto Earth without warning. Jesus, they’d rip her to shreds! ...But if you think she’d be up for it, I guess you could ask. Though you’d be dropping your cover in the process.”
He nodded. “Fine by me, maybe when we’re gone, whoever these two ponies were before will come back. A win for everypony.”
“I hope so, I really don’t want to be stuck inside a pile of gory goo...damn, that would really suck, man.”
“Eww, don’t say that, we’re about to eat here.”
“But doesn’t that sound delicious? Crunch down in some brains, to noodle around some intestines?” His struck another ghoulish grin. “How about some liver?”
His eyes widened. “Don’t do it.”
“With fava beans, and a nice Chianti?”
His body tensed up. “Please don’t.”
Louis leaned in as close a possible, looked him straight in the eye, and gave a loud Hannibal hiss. Making Ambrose green almost immediately.
“Ugh, stop! You know I hate that noise!”
“Oh really, that’s a surprise.” He replied with a mischievous tone. “That’s for grinding my skull this morning.”
“Fair enough, but we’re even now, alright? You start doing some weird shit with that horn of yours and we’re gonna have a serious problem.”
“Yeah, yeah, I gotcha.” He looked out onto the street, watching the many citizens of town going about their business. It really did feel like a tight knit community, where everypony knew everypony in and out, and would actually be there for support when needed. If only home had that kinda feel, instead of everyone creeping around on eggshells...or a better way to put would be a minefield, waiting for the next explosion of needlessly large proportions. Evaporating time and turning everyone’s mood sour.
He saw a couple ponies sitting on a bench way off in the distance. Both holding up large newspapers that covered most of their bodies. Weird, who reads the paper nowadays? But as he squinted, he noticed their legs. Both had fur of a very familiar purple, as were their tails. He glanced back at the papers, focusing hard. Maybe the print was just messing with him, but he sworn he saw 4 eyeballs starting straight back at him. What the fuck?
“Hey Mellow, you see anything weird about those ponies on the bench?”
He turned around. “What ponies?”
“Those po-“ In the split second he looked away, they had vanished. Leaving behind one of the newspapers on the ground. “Woah, weird...”
“Perhaps you’re experiencing the hallucinations of hunger.” Jockey chimed in with a nervous laugh. “Maybe I can help with that?” He placed down their food on the table, steaming and glistening with salivating delight. “When you’re finished, please head over to that counter to pay. Have a nice evening!”
Louis looked him up and down. “You know what?” He reached into his bag and pulled out a carrot, levitating it over and placed it in his open hoof. “You too, Jockey.”
He stared at it like he just discovered fire. His body began to shake with pent up joy before jumping high into the air with an excited whinny and dashing off at great speed.
“Aww, how nice of you.”
“I have my moments, now let’s eat.”
With a little more banter, the two finally began to eat their dinner. And maybe...just maybe, actually enjoy a night in Ponyville.
The celestial bodies performed their song and dance for a few days now, at least that’s what the others said. It certainly felt like more for the spotted unicorn, given the amount of times that doorbell rang and the cacophony of cake batter and confetti within the trenches of Sugarcube Corner. It gave him a war’s worth of shellshock.
But he was becoming numb to her. Many had told him that’s just the way she ticks, so get used to it. It seemed he finally figured why they always got that weird, shifty glint in their eye whenever the subject was brought up. She wasn’t overwhelming per say, just very out there. Very spread out. Just be careful not to get covered with her or their merchandise.
At least she was nice to him. The same couldn’t be said for the owners when he finally met them.
“Hiya, Mrs. Cake! How’re you doing today?”
“Good morning, dearie. Things are just wonderful, especially when I know Sugarcube Corner is in such good hooves.”
“Ooo, well how’d you feel about two pairs of hooves? That would be twice the support, meaning things would be even more just wonderful-er!”
“Erm, excuse me?”
“Yeah, we got some additional help when you guys were out.” She reached under the counter and pulled Louis out from underneath, like a rabbit from a hat. “Mrs. Cake, meet Vanilla Fudge!”
He blinked. “What the…wasn’t I just in the kitchen?” He looked over to the blue pony with the pink swirl mane. “Uh, hello there Mrs…Cake? I’m guessing you’re the one who runs this joint?” He walked around the counter, sticking out a hoof with a smile. “Nice to…meet you?”
She looked like she was staring death in the eyes.
“And I thought I was paranoid…I don’t even know the first thing about starting a business, how-and why-would I set out to ruin yours?” He huffed, walking down the street. “I’m just glad Pinkie was able to calm her down, maybe now I can hold a job for more than a week?”
Maybe not, if this magic plan was going to work. Although this time it would be him giving the business the boot, not the other way around. But they didn’t belong here, not one bit. He heard about aliens, but couldn’t really understand why they never stuck around. Now he did, since he was the alien here. He needed to get back to Earth, despite how lousy it could be from time to every day. Honestly, just how difficult is this magic stuff anyways? From what he could gather, his new appendage was connected to his brain, strung along by nerves of emotional outbursts and thought processes…ok, maybe it was a little difficult, but it wasn’t rocket science!
But could it be if it really wanted too? Just how much was this magic tied to the rest of the world, how it turned and those who spun around within it? Maybe it was strong enough that it dragged him and Ambrose here, changing their bodies to better accommodate the new environment. Ripping them through entire dimensions worth of space to make it possible, how much concentrated energy would be needed to pull off something like that? How much would you need to do it again?
He looked up just in time to see that he stopped in front of the Light’s castle, nearly blinding from the amount of sun reflecting off the surface.
Be nice if I could have some shade, Amby.
“So, is this library a public one, or do I need some kinda reservation?” He saw a few ponies leaving, carrying books and other parchments within their bags. “Guess that answers my question.” He slipped through the doors and hurried inside.
It was as quiet as he remembered, perhaps due to the day winding down and everyone falling into a relaxed stupor. Hearing the echoed clops of his hooves on the mirror polished floor reminded him why he never liked these places. The main purpose of structures such as this is to impose. Anywhere you went in this town, you could see it jutting out into the distance in jagged angles. Like it was ready to shred the sky apart on its many sharp points. And these colors certainly didn’t help.
The sounds of clops were soon partnered by a series of clicks.
“Vanilla?” He turned to see Spike, flashing him a warm fang-y smile. “What’re you doing here?”
“Oh, hey, Spike. I just came by to ask if I could use your library? I might’ve forgotten which door it’s behind. There’s just so many…”
“Don’t worry about it. Follow me and I’ll show you.” He motioned him over to the left as they walked down another hall. “You’re coming in kinda late, most ponies usually wrap up about ten minutes ago.”
“I’ve had a long day at the Corner…a lotta new faces to learn, a lot of steps to remember. At some point, the clock just becomes a suggestion, man.” And also to keep the background noise low.
“Heh, I hear that, sometimes the library’s that way. Or the things that happen around it, that is.”
“Uh no, bent pages and late returns, sounds like such a back breaker.” He joked.
“No, but some of the spells Twilight and Starlight practice certainly are.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing, just when those two are in the zone, it’s best to wear a helmet.”
He pushed open another set of doors, revealing to them a room, the library. It was…wait, hang on!
“This place is huge! How many big open spaces does this castle even have? I swear, this is like, the tenth one I’ve seen!” He turned to Spike. “I mean, how? How have you stuffed this much space into this thing, man?”
Spike looked away nervously for a second. “Well, uh…magic?”
He sighed. “The fact you can actually use that as an excuse irks me in ways you can’t even comprehend.”
“Then perhaps I can help you in things I do comprehend, what’re you here for? Any certain books or scrolls in particular?” He walked over and turned on a lamp at one of the tables. “If you need a place to read, we can just let them know, they won’t mind.”
"No, you don't need to go that far, I'm only looking for a few books is all." He was focused on the rows and rows of shelves that slid around them. It was if the very walls themselves were made out of books, the only things that were holding them up. All melted together in this indescribable blob of colors and gilded spines. Secreting the scent of old paper and faded ink. I guess it's nice, though I'd need to become noseblind if I wanted to stay for long.
"Again, what kind of books? Specific subject matter, picky page count, gunning for a genre?"
How do I ask this without sounding weird? "Um, well...first I'm looking for any, uh, spell books. You have any of those?"
Spike chuckled. "Do you know who I live with?" He pulled a piece of paper and a quill. "Whatever field of magic are you interested in, any era or author. I can assure you, we have plenty to offer.”
Heh, the lizard and his wizard...or would it be witch? “For now, I’m just looking for intermediate type stuff. Kinda like a guide, or a Magic For Dummies if you get what I’m saying.” He looked to the ground sheepishly, searching for sympathy. “I kinda need to brush up on my skills. I’m a little rusty, and it’d be good to get a grip on that before I continue my work.”
“We should have plenty of material for that, and don’t worry about stumping on spells. Just like anything else, it doesn’t hurt to have a refresher...and then another...and then another...and then another until you’ve gone over the same thing ten times just to be sure.”
“Twilight?” He nodded.
Spike wrote a few numbers and letters, section numbers. “Anything else?”
He put a hoof to his chin. “...Yeah, actually, there are. I would like something on unicorn and pegasi anatomy, and...do you have anything on the Wonderbolts?”
“The Wonderbolts?” Spike repeated, walking along the library floors. “I think we have a few, if Rainbow Dash ever returned them, that is.” He led him over to shelves upon shelves of books. Aerial books, pegasi books, books of equestrian sports. All under W.
Spike handed him the books, but he could see his face was disgruntled. Slowly looking around. “Is something wrong?”
“Man, everything is so organized and clean here, it’s distracting.”
He looked to him in a shocked turn, almost scared. “Not every day you hear somepony say neatness is a nuisance.”
“Don’t mean it like that. Just, there’s gotta be something. One book outta place, maybe some trash in the corner, a smudged mirror, anything. Anything to show that somepony is living here.” He wiped his hoof across the crystal floor. It left no trace.
“So you’re saying a mess means that somepony cares about their environment, rather than cleaning it?”
“No, you definitely shouldn’t be a slob hoarder, but anything immaculate is just...off putting, I guess. It makes everything appear fake and staged to me. It’s like this place has no emotion, no history...no life.”
“Sheesh, that’s a little harsh, dontcha think? I know Twilight can be a recluse sometimes, but I wouldn’t say she doesn’t have a life. Same goes for Starlight.”
“No, I’m not saying that, I mean...” He pointed across the room. “Take this chair for example, say somepony sat in it, at least for a few minutes, maybe half an hour. Then they decided to get up. What would you see...feel?”
“Uh, you might see the imprint of where their haunches were sat, perhaps the cushion would be askew on the chair. You could feel the heat from their, uh, butt. Whatever shampoo they use, you could smell it.”
“Right, now let’s say somepony came right after and wiped it clean, fluffing the cushion and leaving it the way it was before they sat down.”
Spike continued to look confused.
“Would you remember?”
“Huh?”
“Would you remember the pony that sat there?”
“Erm, I mean, I guess I would-“
“For how long? A couple hours, minutes? How long until it started to fade?” He ran his hoof over the arm of the chair, staring deep into its make up as he spoke. “How long before it became just a chair once more?”
“Vanilla, I’m not sure I understand...” No response. “Ok, I don’t think I’d really remember once the day’s done.”
“Now, let’s apply that same way of thinking to other things, let’s continue with the house. Say you have a dresser or a table. If dust has collected, you’ll wipe it of dust. If you don’t like where it is, perhaps you’ll shuffle it around the house until you like it. Maybe, you don’t even like it at all, and you go out and buy another set from the vendors at the market or from the furniture outlet. Throwing out the old one and making place for the new one...which will then be known as the one, eventually to become the old one once again.” He threw a hoof around. “It seems that if you really boiled it down, everything could be seen through the lenses of waste. To be disposed of, dusted, erased.”
At this point, Spike had pulled up a stool, watching him wide eyed.
“But then there are others...” He continued. “There are those peculiar objects, or certain rooms of a building where we say hey, wait! Be careful! Don’t touch that, don’t move this! Despite the fact those things could be labeled under the same kind of waste...but yet you keep them around.” He exhaled deeply. “...Because it’s the only one you’re gonna get.”
Spike leaned forward on his seat.
“Because that item, that picture, that photo...well, it’s a one of a kind, it’s special, it’s out of time. They don’t make ‘em like they used to. There are many like it, but this one’s mine. That’s always the excuse, the justification. But it’s just a thing, it doesn’t do anything, it doesn’t believe in anything. It’s just a thing.” He ran a hoof down the arm of the chair, feeling the grooves of the stitched patterns. “But at the same time, it’s also the very thing that holds so much...history, the very trigger that shoots off all these previous experiences and emotions.”
Spike finally tried to get a word in with the unicorn, who’s eyes were starting to glaze over in a haze. “Uh, Vanilla? You might be thinking about this too much-“
“Can I ask you something?” Spike stopped, then nodded. “What are those roots above that table room, the one with the diorama?”
“You mean the Friendship Map? ...Oh, yeah, those are the roots of our old home. We used to live in another library, the Golden Oaks. It was carved inside of a big oak tree, heh, guess that’s how it got it’s name.”
“What happened to it?”
“Well, uh, this was a while back when Twilight first became a princess, when we had our battle against Tirek. It...it got incinerated. Barely any of the trunk and a few scattered pages were left. It’s still hard to believe anything like that could happen, despite everything we’d gone through at that point. In a blink...it was gone. Like...ash...like-“
“Like it was never there to begin with?”
He lowered his head. “Yeah...”
Louis nodded his head. “I see...” Now sitting on the floor, feeling it’s chill run up his back. “But there’s no charred out carcass in the middle of town. When was this castle built?”
“I wouldn’t exactly say it was built, more like sprouted. From a chest of another tree.” He saw Louis’s ears swivel with a suspicious twist. “Heh, when it’s put like that, it does sound a bit silly.” He readjusted himself on the stool. “That wasn’t too long ago, either. Before we met Starlight, and much before we were friends. She didn’t used to be the nicest pony. I’ve heard about grudges, but never ‘change the past and nearly destroy all of Equestria’ sorta grudge.”
“Grudges are temper tantrums. You need controlled aggression, raw power.” Silence. “Continue.”
“It was rough first moving in, especially on Twilight. She tried so hard to avoid even coming here, she would work herself to the bone on the other’s own tasks! So, the girls and I tried to come up with a plan to make her feel better about staying in the castle. After much consideration, and many missteps, we decided the best way to do that was-“
“To put the home in the castle, rather than put the castle in the home?”
“Yeah! And the roots were a perfect choice! Even the gems of the chandelier represents an old memory of the Golden Oaks...all the fun times we had.”
“So to contrast the new, immaculate architecture of the castle, you used the older, dirty...err, rustic pieces of your old home, which was really junk at that point...”
Spike sat up straight, eyes widening. “Hey...I think I understand what your saying now.”
“It holds nothing...yet it holds everything at the same time.”
“Huh, never thought of it like that, so like, everything could hold history or store information, kinda like a-“
“Book? You could see that way, as literally any object is capable of bringing about such memories. But there’s a certain type of thing that is best at holding that information…your own body?”
“How?”
“Well for one, your brain obviously, but there’s a little more to it. Take for example your mannerisms, the way you speak and walk. Sure you learn it in your own way, but it’s first brought about by something else, either somepony or and event. It could be result of cultural norms and gestures. It’s all a product of your environment. And vice versa. Your body is a vessel for it all. Physically, mentally or spiritually, all etched within you like ink on a page.”
“Or like a cutie mark on your flank?”
“That’s a part of it, individual talent is another mark of history, pardon the pun. As they are unique interpretations of the same information. But here’s the crazy part about it, your own individuality is a result of other’s individualities themselves. You are them, and they are you, no matter how hard you dig down you’ll find their influences. All stored away like books, you’re your own walking library, dude. Everything and nothing.”
“That’s quite the theory, Vanilla.” He turned to see a tired Twilight behind him, trying her best to give him a smile. Many strands of her mane shooting in wild directions. “I see you’ve studied a very...interesting form a existentialism, if that’s what that was."
He blinked rapidly, coming back into focus. "Oh...whoops, sorry about that. Sometimes I start to ramble, and it can derail at times...as rambling is..."
Spike gave him a reassuring smile. "No worries. Lucky for you, I'm used to ponies giving long winded lectures." Shooting Twilight a smug look.
"Ok, uh, how about something a little lighter?" He lowered his head to Spike. "You ever think about how reading is just staring at tree shavings and hallucinating?" Spike's eyes went glassy again.
"Alright, that's enough for one night." She levitated Spike onto her back. "We can delve into philosophy some other time, you still need a hoof with those books?
Another door, another place, another face.
Ugh.
"Hello? Guess who's baaack?" He called into the house, dropping his bags by the door and beginning to sift through the books, spreading them out on the coffee table.
"Yes?" Came a voice from the bathroom door, opening with a curious squeak. Out poked a golden head, glisteneing wet from a steamy shower. The face seemed to brighten even more to a slight red. "Ah, welcome back, Vanilla. You're a little later than usual, what’s the hold up?"
"Nothing, everything's all good, Mellow. It's just...I got some books." He paused for a moment, realizing... "Ah! Sorry, I mean Ambrose...Ambrose..."
He smiled. "I know, it's annoying with the whole two-name thing, but I won't forget it!" He said with confidence.
But you just... "Yeah...I, uh, got Spike and Twilight to hook me up with books about spells and casting techniques. Glad Pinkie gave me those bags, all these spines would've snapped my spine."
Ambrose wiped himself off with a towel and hung it around his neck. "I hope you can get a hang on it very soon. Check the mail in the kitchen, we finally got our...request from Applejack."
He walked over to the kitchen and saw a few papers on the table, open messily opened with an uneven rip. "How'd you even open these? And don't say magic!"
"How else do you want me to describe it? These hooves are weird!" He shouted from around the corner.
He groaned and flipped open the letter, skimming through the words of consolation and slightly warmed welcomes to town. Then he got down to the numbers...
"Aww c'mon! This is in the thousands! You can't be serious, we didn't even do that much damage!"
"I flew over the acres, there's huge chunks of apples gone."
"It was an accident!"
"Often those cost the most."
"Fuck you, man!" He threw the paper down and stomped back into the living room. "How long is that gonna take to pay off, weeks?"
Ambrose's ears lowered with his head. "We can only hope."
"Well there better be something seriously helpful within these books...but while we're here, I got you a little extra to pass the time." He pulled out a couple books, displaying colorful graphics of a lightning bolt with wings.
"Is that..."
"You’ve talked about this Wonderbolt stuff before, so I just figured you'd like to know a little more about it."
Ambrose hopped over quickly, eyes darting back and forth between the covers as he danced on his hooves. "Thank you thank you thank you! This is gonna be so fucking cool, it's like learning to drive all over again!"
"Amby...you're...uh..."
"What? You've seen my naked for days, and now it's a problem?" He said with a sly tone, flicking him with his tail.
"No, you're still wet and you getting suds all over the couch! Go finish showering! Also, did you just...prance?"
"I...I did?" He whispered, before sheepishly backing away into the bathroom. "Right, sorry, I'll...go finish now." He muttered, slamming the door.
"Ugh, for fucks sake, man. I thought you were supposed to be the one with common sense.” He moved over to the bookshelf where their TV used to be, shuffling them around to make space for the new additions. As he was doing this, a small piece of paper fell out from between the pages of an older book. He pulled it out to examine it further, finding many of the words old and faded. Really only being able to make out Guit, before being cut off by missing letters.
"Huh?" He put the books down and picked up the note, unfolding it slowly. Reading it even slower.
Hey Fudge!
Things got pretty crazy near the end there, didn't they? I'm sorry it ended up happening that way, hopefully we can still write from time to time, maybe we can even visit! Again, I'm terribly sorry, but I got my responsibilities as do you, and I wish you nothing but the best. Hoping to hear from you soon.
P.S. I've also enclosed that 'study' spell we used so frequently, I think I've improved it greatly since we last spoke. Put it to good use, you certainly got a better grasp on casting than I do. I would call that irony, though you probably have a better term for it.
“For fucks sake, if I knew you were gonna be this long, I would’ve been the one to drive. What’re you doing in there, stitching the clothes yourself?”
“Just hang on! You’re always so impatient.”
“Well, when it’s a good time that’s on the line, I’d like to be there, front and center!”
“Give it a rest, it’s nothing but local acts tonight, it won’t be anything too spectacular.”
“...At least it sounds nice. Hope they do well, it’ll help warm us up a little...”
“How about you put on another coat?”
“Alright, I’m ready.” The door swung open, letting its thermal atmosphere bleed out on the rest of the house. Dripping onto the others as they took in the figure that stood before them. Wiggling her toes slightly as she stuck out her legs in a flashy fashion pose. “Well?”
“Seriously? Bell bottoms and Birkenstocks?”
“Is there a problem with bell bottoms and Birkenstocks?”
“Yeah, ha ha! You look like my mom!”
“Then your mom’s one cool cat, Riley.”
“Maybe when she was our age...back in the ancient times.”
“Much like our music taste?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.
“...That’s...different.”
A smug smirk. “Riiiiight.” She looked to the left. “Well, what about you, Faith? What’d you think?”
“Oh, I think it looks great, I like what you did with your hair, too. It’s nice and bouncy.” She replied in a soft tone.
“Heh, thanks, but I got a little extra. Check this out.” She pulled any strands that were stuck within the collar of her denim jacket and thick sweater. Scrunching them slightly, before banging her head a few times. A golden wave slashing atop her neck until she swung it back one final time. The sea foam of golden waves fluffing higher than ever. “There, how’s that?”
“Ooo...” She whistled with a starry eyed gaze.
“Yes, yes, you’re golden locks are to die for, we get it.” Riley groaned as she slapped a set of keys in her hand. “Can we go now? That car is gonna take forever to heat up and I don’t feel like freezing my ass off the whole way.”
“Fine.” She spun them around on her index finger, grabbing her essentials and tucking them deep in her coat pockets. “Then we shall go, dashing through the snow...” She whistling the rest of the song to herself as she motioned the others to follow her out the door. “In a one horsepower open sleigh-“
“I swear to god, if you sing carols the whole time, I’m getting out and walking.”
“...Laughing all the way?” Faith giggled.
“Fuck both of you, honestly.”
The creaks and churns of the car’s internals finally sputtered out when it reached its boxed finish line. She pulled the keys and started hitting the usual marks. Checking herself one last time in the mirror.
“You sure this is the place? It looks pretty beat up from here.” They looked out of the passenger windows, focusing past the snowfall to look at the building they’d be sharing the next few hours with a bunch of random nobodies, the fuzzy masses that make up a crowd. In fact, there were a few outside. Formed in little circles drinking and smoking, either just coming out from a show earlier, or prepping themselves for what was over the trench, like a soldier.
The building was built near the tail end of the 70’s, if you couldn’t tell from the aged paint chipping away from the bricks and the yellowish fade of the material covering the lights. The top half served more as a bar, where locals would come and drink. Often glued to the TV sets during a sports game, ranting and raving bouncing off the hollowed walls. Too busy deep diving into their drink to care about pesky things like common curtesy. Some would come to lift their spirits, others would come to drown them. But yet they seemed to all go in the same toilet by the end of the night, regardless of altitudes. Trajectory on the other hand...
“That just means it has character, Riley.”
“I don’t think character is a stand in for infrastructure integrity.”
"It sounded like it." Faith said quietly from the backseat. "...At least from what she told me...what little there was."
Riley pulled the collar of her bomber tight with a jerk. "Maybe you could've asked her to ramble some more before she ran to the west coast? Maybe just a little? Like gee, Tara, is this place a rundown dive or something? The kind with dicks waiting around to spike my shit-"
“That’s enough, you’ll be better once we get inside.” Her voice as stern as it could be between the shivers. “And you know she likes to go by Nicole.”
Riley, however, was already warming up from the radiant heat of anger burning across her Rudolph nose. “I’m just saying, you girls can hang with whoever you want, but she was always a bit…off with me.”
“She’s not that bad if you get to know her…” Faith said, muffled from between her gloves.
“Well I did, and I think she’s weird. I mean, did nobody else? It always seems like nothing was working at full capacity up there, and the way she dresses with all those fringes and stringy crochet stuff. Bleh, honestly it just looks so itchy, how could anyone wear that all the time-“
“You done?” She growled from gritted teeth. The sounds of her sandals scrapping against loose gravel died down as it was subdued with another surface of a crunchy crisp white. “…Wait a minute Riley, you’re not…nervous, are you?”
She jumped at the word, like she’d been zapped. “What? Nervous, me? Pssh, of course not! Do you even know who you’re talking to?” She ended with a smile that was way too wide.
She reached in her jacket and pulled out two squished nubs of earplugs, holding them out with a sly smile, as she’d given many times over through many similar scenarios. Riley sighed, and looked away as she snatched and hastily stuffed them into her bomber.
“You’re weird too, y’know? How you listen to all that music and never going deaf is astounding…I’m surrounded by weirdos, great.” Riley mumbled.
“Who’s to say what’s normal and what’s not? If everyone’s weird, then who’s really the normal one?”
“Me, definitely.”
Her eyes grew dim, peeping at the bright rainbow highlights peeking out from under their brunette exterior. “Ah yes, you, the spitting image of normalcy. Anyone could tell your radiance comes from a nuclear family.”
The winds shifted as they turned the corner to the back lot, finding a single red door illuminated by a single flickering light amongst the parked sedans and garbage. Occasionally buzzing the existence of a larger figure resting against the wall. Lazily looking at the blue light at his chest and the cherry one at his lips. The only parts you could make out, as the rest of him was coated in black, both of cloth and the cold night. The moon had shrunk to a crescent tonight, but still attempted to shine through.
The three made the way to the door, Faith falling to a follow up position between them. The slaps of their shoes alerted the figure. The red of the cherry died down, going up in a wispy cloud. He slowly looked from his phone with an unreadable expression. It wasn’t curiosity, nor a sense of frustration or even delight, just a mask that hid away the meat of his skull from the outside elements. Bleeding boredom. He grunted something under his breath and stuck his hand out. Flexing his fingers a few times as the wind continued to thrash around, acting like a maniac.
She motioned for the other girls to give her their admission fees. Handing the clumped crumpled bills into his palm and taking a step back, blowing into her hands.
The man coughed and sifted through the money, eyeing them down all the while. Filing them away into mental cabinets overflowing with those who came before. Those who were ready, those who weren’t. He quickly scanned over her and Riley, not even blinking, no second guessing. That was until he got to Faith, and his stare froze. Planting directly on her, watching as a pair of Hamilton’s slipped between his fingers. He worked down the swirled fluffs of her furry sheep jacket and fuzzy boots. She noticed and cowered a little behind Riley. This only seemed to amuse the man, as his eyes flashed yellow under the spotlight, unflinching like wolves in a mischievous focus.
Riley moved her body slightly, cutting off his sight line. “Is something...wrong?” Her voice cut through the quiet. Her dirty Nike tapping in stiff timing, matching the slap of the paper.
The man only chuckled. “Nothing.” He said, pocketing the money. “Do enjoy your night, girls.” He backed off from the door, moving his attention back to his other vices. Once again becoming one with the dark.
The girls looked at each other and single filed through the door, heading down a scuffed and scrawled staircase, the thumping of the walls replacing their creaking footsteps.
Louder.
Louder.
Louder.
Riley and Faith quickly inserted the earplugs, hiding them under their hair. She reached into her coat pocket and placed a pill on her tongue with a smile, then putting on a pair of aviators as they reached the bottom of the stairs.
This place was essentially the building’s basement, and if the public sector was already poor, this place was completely down and out, ripped apart from a failing economic system. A open space exposed by wooden beams and a cool concrete floor. The grey brick walls were being hidden by long, hung rugs and strings of multicolored lights. Chills from the outside melted to a burn with the amount of body heat in the room, like a makeshift oven.
For some backdoor bum hole, there was actually a decent amount of people here. Even more surprising considering what day it was. At least it was compared to a household basement, where everyone was crammed into a corner searching for anything valuable to misplace. There was already a band playing atop the little elevated stage, a 5 piece playing out an older instrumental. The guitars stinging with the strum over single coils and reverb. Hard picks and tiny taps were putting the crowd at ease along with their drink. A few heads were bobbing around, floating in the waters of a soothed stupor. Their party, not so much.
“This is what we drove all the way here for? This slow crap?” Riley scoffed.
All this...questioning was starting to annoy her. If she didn’t know better, she would’ve been suspicious about this angry apparition that looked like her friend, but she ruled against it. Given the weather and the fact she lost money just walking in here. But she really needed to ease up and relax, like she usually did.
“Maybe take a hint, man, you’re too pent up right now. Slow down, lay back and take it easy.” She insisted as they began to wiggle their way through the masses.
“I don’t know, I’m kinda with Riley on this one, I was expecting something...heavier.” Faith whispered, or at least that what it sounded like underneath the shoddy PA system.
“Finally, someone agrees with me!” She pumped a fist as they found a spot to stand. Just close enough to get passable sound from the music, yet far away enough to be clear of the splash zone.
“You’re ridiculous, if you didn’t want to go out, we could’ve just stayed home. There’s more after this that's playing, so take a breather.” She shook her head. “You got a real problem with rushing shit, Riley. Someday you’re gonna be laid out on your ass wondering where the fuck it all went before they dump you in a box as worm food.”
Riley burst into laughter. “Holy shit, now you really are my mom!” She rolled her eyes and smiled.
After what felt like forever, at least when you're sober, the group shuffled off the soapbox stage as another template of another genre of another sound materialized almost out of thin air. Weird forms swelling and growing out of the stringed equipment and piles of percussion.
Some were long, others were short.
Some were loud, others were quieter.
Some were alright, and others were really, really shit.
All in all, the average when you go to venues like this. As the sputtered strings of country shriveled up and blew off the stage, they realized that they were nearing the end of the night’s offerings. Probably around the 2nd or 3rd group for this slobbering beast of a crowd, slurring and sloshing against the walls. Those same few heads popping up to gasp for breath or shout something over the twisted noise. A confused bunch who really had no idea what they were doing out here, and others confused their confusion.
She wiped her face and squinted from the lights, now having found herself somewhat closer to the stage than before, she was sure of that. The people were definitely bigger. Perhaps just shuffled around in the pecking order. She was still feeling pretty decent, with the ringing in her ears only being a passing social call. She managed to squirm back to her friends, both wearing similar faces, even underneath the sweat beads. “How’re you girls holding up?”
“Huh?” Riley turned with a confused look before coming to. “Ah, better now, glad I left halfway through those Zeppelin numbers to get some drinks.” She smirked. “You’re the designated tonight, just so you know.”
“No one drives my car but me anyways, bitch. What about you, Faith?” She smiled and gave her a tiny thumbs up.
The house announcer, otherwise known as a barkeep on break, was gargling word noises as the next act fiddled with their equipment, collections of pedalboards and mics and such. This looked like a 3 piece. Which was good for her, meaning there’d be less to focus on. Two of the guys showed up, giving small waves for those clapping.
The red head cleaned his Lennon-type glasses on his flannel, giving them a quizzical look before putting them back on. One side of his head shaved while the other rested over his shoulder. Whatever strands were left were glued on his chin, as it hung down over his neck. She counted the strings on the Fireglo Rick in his hand.
Four. She thought. So he’s their bass.
The second one, in a heather grey crewneck and scrunched up sweats, moseyed over to the drum kit. Her eyes were drawn to the bright white headband wrapped across his head. He gave the drums a few test whacks, sounding off properly enough, then stripping down to an army t-shirt.
But there was one more instrument, an SG, resting on one of the amps. Though it was hard to tell, as the poor thing was so beat up you could barely even tell it was a guitar at that point. Was it black…or red? Maybe both?
That’s when a goblin-like creature crawled past the two men and snatched the guitar within his grimy hands, hunched over as he adjusted the strap locks for a tighter fit. There was some more excitement from the crowd, but not them. The only thing he got out of Riley was a burst of laughter. “No way, that’s their guitarist? He’s so fucking tiny!”
While she wasn’t one to knock people based on things they couldn’t control, Riley had a point. The dude was only wearing cut off jean shorts and platform Docs, and he was still microscopic compared to the others. The shirt was composed of a fleshy garment of ink and imagery, covering up a rather skinny frame. It was quite silly when you compared it to other acts they saw tonight. “Geez, this guy must be loaded to the gills to be out here in that.” She muttered. The only thing keeping him warm was the stringy mess which was obscuring most of his head.
“What’d you think?” Riley asked Faith. She gave her an indifferent shrug. He walked over to the right side of the drums, with the bass taking up the left. The mic dropped very low, twisting and poking as he tried to turn it on.
“-oh, woah! Hey-hey…” His darted around, looking at the crowd. “Hello! Can you hear me?” Some spoke a halfhearted reply. “Alright, hey! What’s up? So-uh, we’re gonna play some music now.” He gave the guitar a test strum, causing a sharp bark from the amps. “Ok! Ready boys?” They nodded, preparing their stance and instruments.
What came next was…well, it was loud, that’s for sure. As the scratchy tone of the guitar pounced on them, tearing away at the head and clawing deep into one of the ears, while the other was getting savaged by the banging snare. While the deep drone of the bass dug at what was left, steady as a drill with the strings twisting and spinning within his fingertips. Spinning, as they were jumping around while playing, now appearing more red than head.
The smaller one, especially, as he appeared to expel all this energy and aggression in a matter of seconds, zapping around without a conductor. That is, when you got to hear the instruments, as the vocals were…uh, if you consider an explicit relationship between a man and his microphone shown to the public in very graphic detail to be vocals, then yes. But it was all so fast, so loud. Like a slap in the face, only giving her time to recover just as the singer gave a final, orc-ish roar into the mic and dislodged it from the back of his throat.
Well, if the crowd wasn’t awake then, they certainly were now.
“Whew! Alright yeah! How’re you doing, Mile High Club?” Some more applause now that they’ve been given energy. “Or I guess it would be Mile Below, hmm? Since we’re all stuffed in here like fucking sardines!” A nod from the bassist, and the two finished tuning their instruments and pushing pedals. “Either way, I hope you’re ready, 'cause now it’s time to…kick out the jams, motherfuckers!”
Hey, it was one she knew, and actually enjoyed. As did others, drunk and stupid as they started to lumber about again, some new faces within the familiar group who danced tonight. She wanted to close her eyes and become another buoy, bobbing around in this vast sea of meat. The music was giving her every reason to. The guitar was doing well handling both Kramer and Smith’s guitar parts with the aid of a doubling effect, though a Gibson wasn’t going to get the same feel as a star-spangled Strat. The bass was keeping steady with his fingerpicking, more like punching. And the drummer was manhandling Thompson’s machine gun beat. She wanted to tune out and tune in, but she couldn’t.
She was too focused, too wired now to what was in front of her. Her friends weren’t. They’d clearly found something in it she didn’t and were now mindlessly dancing along, so why couldn’t she? Shifting back over and over to this goddamn guitarist, the one busy flailing around while fretting the solo. She still never got a glimpse of his face, constantly covered up by the dirty blonde hair going up and down. Oh, don’t worry, she was getting a pretty good view of everything else, glistening and streaming, but there was still one missing piece. The most crucial part of the human form! Even when they were singing, there was still nothing but hair! It was driving her crazy for some reason.
What do you have to hide, hmm?
The song soon ended as she’d expected. A cacophony of sound, with clashing cymbals and screeching strings before hitting one final note. The crowd was louder now, claps and whistles a plenty. The singer crushed the pedals and grabbed the mic.
“Nice! Fucking love that song, man.” His voice was bright and excited. “Apologies for waking you up this early, but if that don’t get you moving then I don’t know what the fuck will!” He spat across the stage. “Thanks for showing up on a day when...no one should really be outta the house, heh, Merry Christmas everyone!” Canned applause. “And may the wonders of consumerism lull you swiftly into a coma.” She checked her phone. 12:37. Wow, they'd been here for an eternity.
He let out a fake gasp, slapping his cheeks like McCallister. "Oh my goodness, I forgot the introductions! How...inconsiderate of me." He puffed out his chest and struck a high pitched note on the guitar. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are The Hot Fudge...The-Hot-Fudge." He repeated, pointing at each member with the words . "You see? Three members, three words, it all works out. We are a...professional curling team." That got some laughs. "Yeah, y'know-uh, it's pretty icy around here so it looked like the right gig, but someone took our fucking brooms, man. Now all we got are these." He held up his SG.
"At least someone's enjoying themselves." Riley said, looking at her. "What's up with you?"
She scrunched her face. "...Don't know, I'm trying to figure him out, I guess."
"Well, I'd say ask him tomorrow, he's pretty fucking gone."
"Yeah...but the hair in his face, it's bugging me."
He pointed towards the red head across the drum kit, instructing the crowd like a children's classroom. "Does anybody know who that is? Anybody at all? Going once, going twice..." There was some murmurs, but no answer. He placed his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Nobody? Man, that's a bummer." The bassist smirked to himself, taking a drink from a bottle by the stage. "That's Sunny! Let's give him a nice warm welcome. Everybody say: Hi Sunny!"
Hi Sunny!
"Aww c'mon now, a little more oomph...Hi Sunny!"
HI SUNNY!
"HeLlO!" Sunny responded, forcefully cracking his voice and cowering at the mic. Causing both of them to giggle, along with the rest of the crowd laughing.
"Yeah, his mom's waiting outside in the minivan. She's got Capri Sun and Fruit Rollups when we're done, man." He hit another note on the guitar. "So, he's gonna give me a break and take the reigns for this next one, alright?" He burped into the mic and stepped back, wiping parts of his body and guitar with a rag.
Sunny adjusted his glasses and put some hair behind his ear. “Greetings, everyone. Hope you're all enjoying your night of getting trashed and bashed." He said with a snicker. "Now, this might sound a bit strange, but I got a question for you...Are there any astronomy aficionados among us tonight?" There were a few from the crowd who tried to respond, throwing their hands up and yelling over the others. "Just checking, stay with me now, here's another one. Do we also have any, uh, Greek mythologists here as well?" Maybe one or two called back, probably only responding to whatever noise came from the stage, which he seemed to expect. "Huh, well, you...six can all get nice and cozy, I think you're gonna like this one." They all looked at each other as the drummer counted off on his sticks.
“Oh my god, he can’t be serious with that.” Riley said bluntly, noticing her slowly trying to slip between a couple couples like a snake. "Hey, what're you doing?”
“I'm gonna move a little closer to the stage…to get a better view.”
“Heh, you do you. I’ll hang back here, good luck.” She took another sip of her drink, bobbing her head as she turned to talk to Faith.
The next number chugged along, shoveling through the think chunky tone as if the sun itself was melting the strings into a gooey sludge. Nice and evil. Probably due to him taking the spotlight, his bass was turned up to brain rattling degree, feeling it fall apart and seep out of her ears. Unfortunately, it also seemed he was using a pick for this one to hit the higher notes, as the squeak of plastic against the strings felt like nails on a chalkboard. He managed to pull attention away from it however, as he singing loud enough that people would barely notice. The drums sounded demonic as well, trying to conjure hell's orchestra to bring the song's story forward to it's cataclysmic climax. He seemed to be the kind of drummer who'd trained in playing faster, much faster, so this song was a breeze for him. Not even a single drop a sweat on his headband.
But she gave them little attention, continuing to watch the guitarist as she moved closer. Still! She still couldn't see his fucking face! Incredible, how could he have all that crap in his eyes and not miss a note? She understood muscle memory, and how they would eventually learn to twitch and flex all on their own, but at some point that would annoy you to the point of losing focus.
She could make out some of the tattoos. A Gadsden snake coiled tight around his chest, an old pin-up near his rib cage, and the phrase Kiss It placed ever so carefully above his waistline. There were animals, abstracts, and anecdotes...as well as some faces, flowers and few fuck offs for good measure. He looked like a walking sketchpad. She wondered where, and why, he got them, seeing some farther faded compared to others. What was their story? Deep connections, or an intoxicated burst of creativity? Conversations like those usually went down the most bizarre of rabbit holes, every speech a new species.
The whole thing was a mess...but she kinda liked it.
What she didn't like, was that the song ended, and she was now in the middle of the most vibrant section of the crowd, all hollering and screaming as they did comedic bows. It was getting very loud. And uncomfortable. Claustrophobic.
"Why, thank you very much." Sunny removed his glasses and put them aside, then took off his flannel. Similar to his right-handed guitarist, he also had body art. However, this time, it was only on his shoulder, and a very strange shape at that.
He fanned himself off with a hand. "Is it just me, or it getting a little hot in here?" Yes, indeed it was. Crushingly so, and this dude's elbow in her back wasn't helping in the slightest. "So, how about we cool down a bit, get you all real nice and chilly, freezing even. Extremely cold, frostbitten, you might even say you're...trapped under ice?"
Oh no.
People gave him some joking boos with that one, which he quickly brushed off. "Hey, I didn't write these openers, he did."
"What? No I didn't!" The guitarist shouted.
"Yeah, you did."
"Oh fuck off, that's all you, man."
"They're your jokes."
He flipped him off. "Very well, consider this our...holiday number." The drummer's face filled with excitement as he heard the beginning distortion.
Shit, she was in the wrong spot for this song, she needed to move, quick! Before she got caught up in the-
A body collided, knocking the wind out of her and nearly off her feet. The blaring sound of the instruments began to beat her ears like a boxer. She went to stabilize herself, only to get thrown aside again by another person, caught up in the riptide of ripped and twisted individuals looking to start some kind of mosh. The beginning solo screaming over her own cries, the big denim coat now feeling like a straight jacket as she couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Oh god, not like this! This is too much, too ironic! She couldn't get trampled over this song, and definitely not in this shit hole! Where was Riley, where was Faith? Someone, anyone, these dumb motherfuckers are too busy having a good time to know it'll be the death of her! Help!
She looked up to the band as best she could after getting smacked upside the head, causing her glasses to fly off her face. Both guys were busy playing away, heads banging in unison as the guitarist was going through the second solo, Sunny's fingers flicking away on the string it would burn from friction. The entire basement quaking with the drummers double bass pounding nonstop, no time to wait. No time to care. She was just about to look back at the crowd, hair filling her open mouth, just as her vision went black. Spine twisting from a hard shove, and her face cracking with the wall before her. The stage.
She opened her eyes, finding it still to be black, but with this strange white-like shine. Then it stepped back. She blinked rapidly, finding one eye not opening as much as the other and wincing from pain. Now noticing she'd been staring at a boot. Connected to a leg inside of shorts. Shorts to a bare torso. A bare torso to a neck. A neck to a...
There it was, his face! Finally appearing after he'd flicked his hair back, now pouring waterfalls worth of sweat and beer. While the rest of his body continued to move with the song, his head remained stationary, his bright green eyes holding her within their grasp. A muffled sound appeared to be Sunny taking the next verse, but she couldn't quite make it out. Mostly likely due to one of these pricks getting her in the ear. Not even the guitar or the drums were audible, as the whole world rested and became...calm. He tilted his head slightly, looking her up and down as she slumped on the stage, trying to stay on her shaky feet. She felt like she'd just been put through the mill. His lips moved. No sound, but she understood perfectly.
Are you ok?
She felt herself cough, then barely shaking her head. He looked over to the other members, before turning back to her, speaking quickly.
Stay up here, by the stage.
He motioned his head to the right of him, where she would be clear of the whirlwind in the middle of the room. That sounded like a good idea, dragging herself over and resting against the wood and metal. Breathing heavily, coughing up whatever this garbage was lodged in her throat.
He continued through the song, even going back to giving his vocals, but he would continually keep an eye on her. Looking over, eyes fixed for a few, then going back to the song. He repeated this for the next couple minutes until they ended on a crashing note, like a car into a brick wall.
"Woo! Yeah, I think we're feeling it now!" He laughed, hearing the crowd cheer the loudest they'd been that night, almost as loud as the instruments themselves. He smiled and looked to the middle of the stage. Motioning to the guy chugging down water on the kit. "Now, you might've felt a fucking earthquake run through here earlier...well, you can blame that on this man right here." The drummer gave a large wave, rubbing his forearms across his face. "This is Motor Mouth! A real talkative son of a bitch, never shuts the fuck up! Why do you think I got all this hair? Keep you from seeing my missing earlobes, heh heh..." He looked over to her once more. "Me and Sunny are gonna take a breather. How about you introduce yourself the crowd, man? Show 'em what the fuck you're about."
Motor Mouth smiled as he adjusted himself on the stool and began his piece.
They walked to the edge of the stage, and the guitarist crouched down to face her. Almost completely out of breath and looking like he'd sweated half his body weight by this point. "Jesus, man." He said. "You alright? That pit looked like it ripped chunks outta you."
"I..." She croaked, trying to find the energy to just move her face alone. "...I...wasn't ready..."
"No kidding." He chuckled, before dropping face again. "Sorry about that...what's your name?"
She paused for a while, sitting there looking at him. "...Amy...Amelia..."
"Amelia?"
"...Uh huh...Amelia Stonefield..." She sputtered.
"Stonefield?" She nodded. "Hmm, you here alone?"
She shook her head again. The drummer was going insane on the kit, but he never flinched. Not even blinking, watching her carefully. "N-No...I'm here with a couple friends...They're back in the crowd somewhere."
"I see." He looked above her, taking a sip from his beer. Contemplating with a stern brow. "We're almost done here, there's one more song after this then we'll be upstairs. You guys can come hang out if you want, we're gonna get food and shit...it'll give you time to recover."
She looked down into her arms sheepishly, her whole body becoming very warm...maybe from embarrassment at this whole situation. Her she was, slapped around senseless by a bunch of strangers, and now another stranger is singling her out when he should be playing music! Great, just great. Really hitting the big times now. "...Oh...uh, no, it's fine. I don't want there to be an issue-"
"No need to be like that. It's no trouble, really." He flashed a nice, genuine smile.
He sounded like he truly meant it, even if he was losing his voice from all the screaming. The rest of his body was scarred and hardened, with muscles being seen through paper thin layers of fat and skin, but the lines of his face were soft and kind. He needed to wipe that dirt off his lip, though. Now, the drumming wasn't coming from the outside, but internal. Thumping deep into her chest. She coughed again and wiped her mouth. "...Sure, I'll see if they're up for it."
His weary smile turned to one of relief. "Far out, man." He glanced over and saw that Motor Mouth had finished his solo, resting his legs as the crowd cheered. He stood up and stretched, grabbing the guitar in his hand. "Gotta go, see ya."
"Wait..." He stopped. "...What's yours...you’re name, I mean?"
He swung the strap over his shoulder. "You'll figure it out." He finished with her and hopped over to the center of the stage. "You see what I mean? Never shuts up..." He gave him a smack across the back and cleared his throat. "Now, I hate to drop this on you lovely motherfuckers, but we only got one more song." They exploded in shock, with a large collection of aww's and boo's filling the air. "I know, I know, it sucks. But! We'll end with a very high, very loud, very fast note. And with that, it’s time to introduce the last member, moi!" He pointed to himself in dramatic fashion. "Name's Lou, or Lou Lou if you're feeling generous. Sometimes it's Lou at the loo, but not loo with Lou Lou, and definitely not loo loo at the Lou Lou, got it?"
Sunny and Motor Mouth looked at each other, trying to contain their laughter. He noticed and rolled his eyes.
"These two have...pestered we do one song in particular, and since we did a 'tallica song, guess we gotta do the other band, huh?" He sighed. "Thank you, Mr. Mustaine, my left hand weeps in your name."
She found herself giggling at his grievances, finally able to support herself with enough energy.
"Alright, who's ready, you ready?"
"YES, CONTINUE! I WANT TO HEAR MORE!" Boomed an incredibly loud voice from the back, silencing everyone else.
"Hot damn, somebody’s excited." He adjusted the strap, slightly nervous. "Here we go!"
She relaxed and watched the very fast, very loud, very painful experience as all three of them were giving their all trying to match the studio's speed. Lou's fingers looked like they were about to unravel into nerves and muscles fibers, as his face twisted and contorted in anguish. Most problems stemming from not having two guitarists. Going back to back with Sunny next to the drums nearly falling apart with how hard they were being assaulted. They tried to sing, but the crowd was shouting over them in the call and response style verses and the chants near the end, falling into chaos as most finishers do.
"Thank you!" Motor Mouth shouted, throwing his sticks into the air as they quickly left the stage. Floating along the rowdy waves of applause from the people, now absolutely wasted, both in energy and mentality. They walked off to the side and went through another door at the back of the stage, leading up to the top half of the building.
Amelia pushed herself away from the stage, feeling hollow. The people around her began to decompress and scurried around the basement waiting for their next bout of entertainment to appear. She watched trio slip through the door, high fiving and laughing as they went upstairs to open their presumably alcoholic presents under the theoretical tree. Lou turned back, watching her watching him. After a second or two, he gave her a smile and shut the door behind him.
...I gotta get upstairs.
She practically plowed through the bodies until she ran up on her friends, both looking like they were in a good mood. Riley saw her and gave a huge smile. "That was pretty fucking rad, dude! How was it up there-"
"They certainly gave it their all, I'll tell you that much." She huffed, cutting Riley off. "Hey, I'm gonna go upstairs for a moment, you girls wanna come?"
"Why?" Faith asked, some color leaving her face when she saw her own. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, yeah, totally fine! So what'd you say?"
"Uhh..."
"If you don't want to come, that's fine. Just text me when the last group is wrapped up, bye!" She moved past them and headed towards the door to the parking lot.
Faith looked at Riley, slightly concerned. "What was that all about?"
Riley shook her head and smiled. "Nothing, I think she just found her favorite performance of the night."
But there was another figure, one far off in the background. Seemingly shrouded in space, wiping some sweat off her regalia and clapping her hooves in excitement. "Oh my, that was exhilarating! I must hear more music like that!" She flashed a scroll and quill into the air. "Ask...Tia...discuss...additions to Canterlot Symphony Orchestra...there." She smiled contently, before fading away into dust.
She chucked herself through the door, cool winds dying to the building's old heaters. This somehow gave her even more of a headache. She passed through the middle of the restaurant space of the bar, occasionally placing a hand on one of the tables to balance on a wincing leg and a throbbing abdomen, grinding like rocks.
The place was populated with good paying patrons scattered around the bar, watching a hockey game out of one eye and a news report out of the other. The other side of the building, filling the booths and tables, were those who'd also managed to drag themselves out of the warzone raging underneath. Smelling of beer and body odor. The liquids in their glasses vibrating, bouncing the bubbles around like pinballs.
She'd noticed the employee from downstairs cleaning a table and collecting silverware. She went over to him and asked where she could find the bands in a very stupid and naïve manner. He only groaned and pointed her over to the break area for the employees, where a few were staying for the poor excuse of an after party. She figured he was bitter because they’d kicked him out.
She gave a couple soft knocks on the door, making it appear as nonchalant as possible. One of the earlier guitar players answered. "Who're you?" She asked.
"Uh..." She cleared her throat. "I'm here to see...Lou, he said to meet him up here when they were finished."
Her brow became suspicious, the creases of her mouth matching so. "And how exactly do you know Louis?"
Yeah, this is going about as well as she expected. "Uh...I, um, well, I spoke to him by the stage, when the drummer was busy doing-"
"He's not here, please leave. We don't need any stragglers coming around." She snapped, about to slam the door in her face, when a voice called out from the back.
"Hey! What's going on over there?" The voice shouted...somewhat familiar.
She turned to answer. "Got some chick here, says she knows Louis."
"Hang on..." The voice responded, followed by the sound of someone getting up and walking further into the room. Through the tiny sliver in the door she could see there wasn't much to the room, but there was much that'd been stuffed into it. After what felt like half a minute of waiting, only silence remained. The music in it was so loud, that you could really understand it if you knew the words to them beat for beat, which she kinda did.
She quickly turned back to her, now even more angry. "You heard them, time to fuck off."
She jumped slightly at her bark. "What? But they didn't say-"
"Well, I am. And I'm saying that it's time for you to leave before I make you leave."
She felt her hand roll itself into a fist, finding the right place where she could smear that smug face the quickest and with the least amount of pain on her end. Perhaps in the cheek, maybe the forehead? Who the hell does she think she is? Who does she think I am?
That was until a hand shoved the girl back, taking her surprise, but quickly dying down as she realized who it was. "Everyone calm down, what’s the issue here?"
"Got some freeloader, saying how she knows you and all this shit, probably just wants to take our-"
"Easy, easy, you gotta stop being so paranoid, man." From her face, she could tell he was smirking. "But if you're gonna be that way, then allow this...subject to enter the court of King Louis, thy humble servant."
She ground her teeth. "You. Are. A. Dick."
"Uh huh, and you're the cunt...is that why you're so uptight? Maybe I outta loosen you up, heh heh..."
"Ugh!" She hit him, probably on the arm and stormed off. "Fine, you deal with her! Just don't bitching to me when the fucking pigs come oinkin' at your door, asshole."
The door opened fully, finding herself looking down at..."Oh, um, hi Lou...is?"
"Hello, Amy, looking for me?" He asked, pulling the shades down his nose with a smile. "Or are you looking for these?"
"Hey, my glasses! Where'd you get them?" Then she remember that part about getting hit, and suddenly finding them missing from her face. "They flew on stage, didn't they?"
He nodded. "Gotta admit it was a bit strange finding them suddenly wrapped around my guitar strap and digging into my back. Ray Bans, though, very nice." Now that he was off stage and finally, uh, cleaned himself off, he was much easier to look at. He'd changed clothes, now in sweatpants and a yellow tie-dye shirt with the bars logo he'd obviously...bought.
She looked around nervously, seeing if anyone had been watching them when that girl blew up. "That girl, she doesn't think I'm a...y'know..."
He chuckled. "Someone tries to steal your gear once, and suddenly everyone becomes a threat. Also doesn't help when some of those threats may be trying to serve warrants."
"...Oh."
He opened the door a little more and motioned her in. "C'mon, we don't bite. Not yet, at least." He looked past her for a moment, then stopped. "Say, didn't you say you came here with others? They still downstairs?"
She looked behind her towards the front entrance, finding no one there. "Yeah, I told them to text me when they're done. I'm their driver tonight, figures."
He nodded and let her into the room. Some members of the others bands were present, drinking and talking amongst themselves about each others performances and the daily on goings of life. She followed him back to where there was an old couch, with a table filled with food and many empty cans of beer lying around.
"Hey Sunny!" He looked up from the book he was reading and uncrossed his legs. "Check it out, this's the girl I was talking about earlier! The one who totally ate shit next to the stage?" That statement caused her to cringe.
"Really?" He said, staring at her as he moved his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "She sure looks it. I hope you enjoyed the rest of the show at least. That last number nearly killed us all." He flexed the fingers of his plucking hand.
"Oh no-no-no, you guys were great! It's just..." She looked to the couch. "Do you mind if I sit down, please?"
"Go ahead." He scooted over, taking another can and cracking the top. "I can read pretty much anywhere, and you look like you need it more than me."
"What she needs is a Red Bull and some pizza, I'm gonna find that scrawny little weasel working here to get some from their freezer, man." He took the glasses off and flicked them her way. "Might need these, that dudes so bright, it can be blinding at times..." He smiled stupidly before stumbling off.
"...He really did write all those openers, didn't he?" She asked, shoving the now greasy lenses into her jacket and pulling back her hair.
“Definitely." Sunny said with a chuckle, turning a page. "He's got an entire notebook full of them back home. I think they're ridiculous, but the crowds seem to like them."
She nodded and sat there quietly, keeping her limbs tight and listening to the many sounds swirling around her head. Sunny was engrossed with the book was while sipping his beer. A fantasy novel, if the dragon and flames on the cover were anything to go by. Just the thought of focusing on those small little blots of ink right in the middle of a buzz was enough to make her nauseous. Quick, she needed to find a way to change the subject before it continued any further. "Ok, I get...Lou, and Motor Mouth makes sense...ironically, so why do they call you Sunny?"
He looked up from his book and scratched his goatee. "I used to do roofing in the summer." He pointed to his hair, or rather the side that still had it. Noting the pale skin next to the red strands. “That didn't last long, but the consequences sure did."
"Is that how you met the other guys?"
"Nah, that’s because of school a couple years ago. Me and Lou met each other first, with our schedules matching up. Eventually, we were introduced to Motor through those in the ROTC. Wasn’t long till we all found a common interest...among other things." He motioned behind him. "Motor’s out loading the van with our stuff, guess you two are in the same boat, huh?" She nodded. There was a couple more minutes of them sitting quietly, as she took a piece of pizza from one of the boxes and started eating slowly. With a swallow, came another question.
"So, uh, is Lou always like that?" He looked over again, but this time his brow was curious. "I mean, the way he acts..."
"Completely out of it? Yeah, kinda, but you get used to it."
"No, I meant, uh...considerate, I guess. When I-ahem, ate shit, as he so elegantly put it, he came over to check on me and offered me to come here for some food. Kinda caught me off guard."
He put a hand to his chin. "He has his moments, just like anyone else. Maybe he's in the giving spirit, considering the season we're in. Me? I'm gonna enjoy why winter break, while I still can."
"Same."
"Hey guys!" They turned to see Lou with a crumped carton of drinks under his arm, slamming it down on the table and sitting between them. He was small enough to do so. "I see you two are playing nice, always a good sign." He grabbed a piece of pizza and shoved it into his mouth. Tucking his hair behind his ears so they wouldn't be frizzing out. "I swear, those fuckers are always looking to scalp whenever they can. Don't they know this was of the upmost importance?"
"Did you try sneaking it, Lou?" Sunny muttered.
"No...maybe."
"Wow, thanks. Didn't expect you to buy an entire box full of it." She said, taking on the cans and examining it.
"Just a precaution, in case anybody else wants one. In fact, I think I'll have one now." He snatched a can and ripped the top. Quickly finding an explosion of suds built up from the shaking. She immediately burst into laughter, causing some heads to turn their direction, but she played them no mind. As he couldn’t help but start laughing too, until eventually the two of them were doubled over on the couch as their stomachs collapsed.
“Woo-wee, thanks, man, I really needed that tonight!” She gasped, wiping her eyes.
He sighed and wiped his face with his shirt. “Alright karma, you can have that one, but I’m gonna start charging you afterwards.” He clinked cans with her and drank what was left, finishing with a loud burp.
“I can see how someone can get used to all of this, how often do you guys play?”
“Any chance we can get, really. Between school and our jobs...heh, those who have ‘em at least, there isn’t much time for slacking off when venues have an open slot.” He motioned to the room around them. “Here, mostly. It’s like the only place I know where we can relax without being fucked with.”
“Interesting...”
He waved a hand. “But enough about us, please. We’re not that important, and my voice needs a break.” He said with a weary smile, before leaning back into the couch.
The three of them sat for a while, listening to the music and completely ignoring his request, talking to each other about the night, and many nights prior, about what they’re doing these days. Sunny said he’s hoping get involved in astronomy...or history...or many other fields of science and study. He wasn't sure which one he wanted to narrow it down to yet. Lou was really eager about this whole music scene, hoping to learn, in his words, a fuck-ton of instruments, man!
As for her, she was interested in the studies of meteorology, though it’s tough to get any beginner knowledge on that through the school. Especially when the best they could do were the mind numbing general science courses. This is soil...this is a cell membrane...this is a paper with terms...this is me, ignoring you for 20 minutes while I’m busy clicking away on my computer. This is you, going nowhere. Ugh.
At some point, she felt the inside of her jacket buzz, pulling it out and seeing a little notification. Damn. “Well, looks like it’s time for me to head out.” She got up and stretched a little. “Gotta go, you guys have fun.” She walked over to another table and grabbed a napkin from the stack, wiping her face off of the grease and whatever other substances were there. She paused for a moment, before grabbing another one and finding a pen that was lying around. Scribbling onto it before walking back to them.
The two of them looked up to her, now splayed out on the couch. “Aww, you’re leaving? Alright then, have a safe drive home, Amelia.” Sunny said politely.
“Yeah! Hopefully we-urp-we’ll see you again at another show.” Lou blurted with a small wave.
“Sure thing.” She handed him the folded napkin, more of less tossing it in his lap. He picked it up and looked at it cautiously. “Merry Christmas.”
“Yeah, uh, yo-you too...Amby.” He slurred.
“Hmm?”
“Oh, sorry...he’s someone else. Someone I used to kn-...don’t worry about it.” He shook his head. “Merry Christmas, see you...soon.” He drifted off, still looking at the paper.
She gave one last wave before making her way out the door and back to her friends, what’s left of them, that is.
“Hello?”
“...”
“Hello?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry...sorry, it’s me. It’s Louis.”
“I figured.”
“Right, I was just calling to make sure...to make sure you all made it home. Weather got real shitty there later in the morning.”
There was a pause. “Everyone managed to get back in one piece, thank you.”
“Whew, that’s a relief, last thing I’d want is for someone to-“
“No, thank you, Lou. For everything last night.”
“Oh please, think nothing of it.”
“Well, I’m not, sucks to be you.”
“...Fine then, you’re welcome, I guess. It’s what anyone would’ve done, really.”
“But you did, so I have to thank you.”
He groaned. “I’m really not in the mood for mind games right now, my head feels like it’s about to split in two.”
“No mind games here, just saying thanks...and hoping I can make up for it sometime.”
Another long pause. “You can do that just by coming to the shows. You will be coming to more shows, right? Just like you said?”
She smiled. “I think we’ll be seeing each other a lot more than just the shows, Louis.”
Things were slow, still, and silent, just as they would be at an early time such as this. Those few fleeting hours just before the sun begins her shift for the day, to the world that so desperately needs her to continue thriving, even if she may be unrelenting in her performance. But until then, all that was left was the cool crisp air from the previous night’s whereabouts, the tiny specks of dew left unused atop the grass, a delicate moist blanket awaiting consumption or evaporation. Wisps of clouds could be seen off in the distance, overshadowed by the outline of a town still sound asleep. It would probably be a few more hours until the first wave of residents would arise and begin to mosey about their homes and start a day that held within it so many opportunities.
It could be a good day. A bad day. A strange day. A lovely day. A lovely, lovely day.
The heavily grooved wood was slightly damp underneath the fur, even worse on the underside of the tail. It reminded the feeling of that similar to a wet sock. The front hooves sat unevenly atop the second step, the left one a few inches higher than the right. Warped.
He slowly inhaled, hearing the faint crackle of stuffed tobacco as the orange ember faded in front of his nose, like the faulty lighter he would use to light the damn things. Exhale. The smoke swirled outwards, floating a moment in front of him as it grew in size, before catching a breeze and dancing off into the air. Moving higher and higher to be one with their distant relatives, who were at an altitude too far in hopes of reaching.
But they would try, and try they did. They always did.
He heard a slight groan from the wood as he leaned back and pointed his head upwards, sleepy eyes entrenched deep under a heavy brow. He would count it. Second by second.
One second.
It might’ve lost a little mass, but it was still going strong and carry itself a few feet even higher. The smell of burnt tobacco filled his nose and caused him to blink. As of now, takeoff could be considered successful, with all lights still showing green. All according to plan.
Two seconds.
It would reach even higher now, as the spirals would spin themselves into tighter patterns, clumping together into one larger mass. The end goal appeared to be in sight, getting closer and closer by the second, as he continued to trace their sporadic yet controlled movements. Today, it began to take on the shape of a lopsided jellyfish, translucent and bubbly, adrift in the deep depths of a dark sea.
Everything appeared to be working, as they would continue to soar higher and higher. All gas. No brakes. It was there. They could see it. It was all within an arms...tentacles reach!
Three seconds.
Something’s wrong, something’s amiss. It starts to panic as parts of its body begin to loosen. Unravel. A series of overcorrections and thrashing only accelerated the process, as more of its body would tear into smoky shreds. The clouds remained still. Emotionless.
Four seconds.
The final gasp, the last moments of light before swallowed whole by the darkness that has surrounded them. Most of its body destroyed by self-mutilation and time; the remaining spiral spins away in fading desperation, looking to the clouds for help, its silent pleas echoing out into the open skies.
The clouds remained still.
Five seconds.
The spiral sputters as the death rattle reverberated throughout what was left of its body and dissipating it into invisible nothingness. The detached body parts fly away, becoming long strands of smoke that eventually leave the eyesight.
The clouds remained still.
There is nothing left as he continued to look out onto the darkened sky. Existence snuffed. Individual form evaporated to the larger bodies of the world and lost to time.
The clouds remained still.
Five seconds.
That always seemed to be the average lifespan of these smoke-born apparitions, emerging fresh and delicate from their fiery womb, unprepared and unprotected, then quickly sacrificed to the world at large.
He finally turned his eyes away from the sky at large and gazed back down at his hand. It now had feathers, many of them arching down into a wing. Inbetween its tips was empty, with the overactive smoke having long evaporated from an even more overactive imagination. He frowned and looked back onto the world. Focusing again on those strange outlines of the town.
Ponyville. Where he currently resided. Lived.
It wouldn’t hurt to have one right about now, he thought to himself with a disappointed snort, at least it’d give me something to focus on…something…
He considered these to be the few hours in which he could actually relax, as there was nothing to be done, and nothing had happened yet. He didn’t have to bother anybody else, and nobody bothered him. No crazy shenanigans, no tubes of constant shit filling his eyes with the horrors of the world. However, while he was grateful for the times in which he could shut his brain off and just be…there was always an element to these mornings he was never comfortable with. Yet it came every morning, no matter how hard he tried to prevent it from appearing. Doesn’t seem anyone could prevent it.
He went back to those purple and blue clouds on the edge of the horizon. Eyes squinted, focusing on molding out a shape or two. Maybe three. He wondered, given the hour, if it would be appropriate to knock first.
Hey, um…hello in there, if you are up there…right now.
He shuffled a little on the step, feeling his face warm a little.
I don’t mean to wake you or anything, especially at this early hour, but it’s just…I just wanted to make sure you were, y’know, there. Watching.
The tiniest of smiles appeared.
Sorry, I know it’s silly to ask…you’re always watching, watching the both of us as best you can. Sometimes more than I like, personally, heh, but what can you do? It’s not like we knew life was gonna turn out this way, how quick it was going to be. Even more so with recent affairs. Could’ve sworn it was still yesterday, and I’m just coming home from work. I was gonna give the car a wash, too.
He felt his ears fold as he looked down to his hooves in embarrassment.
I, uh…I forgot to call grandma before I left. Sorry…again. I know you asked, you’ve asked me so many times, but I just…forgot. Don’t know why.
The air was still, as faint chirps and whistles from early birds echoed from within the trees. He sat for a while, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply.
A lot has happened in the past few days, and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down. I moved again, apparently. Seems you were right after all. Congratulations. I don’t know what it is about the place, but California was just a bit too much for my liking. Too much humanity, if you ask me.
He chuckled to himself as he continued to look down at his hooves. He really wished he had his cigarettes.
Maybe they’re still looking for us, finding some way to come and take us out of here. Someone from work had to notice I wasn’t there, I wasn’t too hard to miss, at least I don’t think I was. Lou certainly isn’t one you could, that’s for sure. But perhaps I’m biased on that issue.
Though, if they do ever end up going to the house, which’ll take a while, the only thing they’re gonna find over there is one hel…heck of a mess, I’ll tell you that. Best I could compare it to being a bomb or something. And it just…man, I’ve never seen a series of catastrophes like that, one right after another boom-boom-boom! Failure, on all fronts! Sigh…makes me wish it really was only the drugs that night…you didn’t hear that last part.
No response other than the scratch of his hoof dragging back and forth across the wood. He really, really wished he had his cigarettes.
Not that I helped in the matter, I let my stupid curiosity get the best of me by the end of the night…when I really shouldn’t have, I just ended up making things worse. But…
His ears perked up straight, a bolt of energy flowing through him. His back. His legs. His wings.
It was all just so new, so exciting, in the moment, that is. No…it is exciting! When I first gained control of my wings, it was like I was…someone new. Someone who’d found a new venture in life. Somepony who could do more than they ever thought possible! Oh, the flying, the speed, the thrill of it all!
He bumped the top of his head on something and opened his eyes, now realizing he was hovering above the steps just below the overhead, seeing a dry imprint beneath him. He shrugged and swiftly made his way to the roof…then even higher to a group of low-hanging clouds positioned around the house. He laughed to himself as he bounced around them like a trampoline.
It’s like when I first got behind the wheel…when I first hit the road and saw the world around me. I feel truly like myself. I feel free!
It was at that moment, he stopped bouncing as his body stabilized itself on a cloud.
Oh my, I never thought I’d say it like that. But now that I have, it feels…good. It feels really good.
He sighed contently as his legs collapsed underneath him and laid down flat on the cloud, as cool as a flipped pillow as he nuzzled deeply into its fluff.
But I know…I know it won’t last. It can’t last. I know that we have to get out of here as soon as possible. This isn’t my home, neither is it for Lou. We…don’t belong. Not with these locals, at least. Sheesh, I don’t know what it is about them, but they just make me uncomfortable after a while.
…
Although, there is one girl…mare? Whatever, that seems to be pretty nice, though her appearance is a little out there. Eh, it’s not my problem, and I’m sure it’s just genetics, you’ll understand, I know. She’s been really helpful to me in getting a hoof on everything. Very helpful. I have a feeling she’d get a kick out of all the sh…stuff that’s built to go fast over there. I’d like to see her race one those fancy-schmancy fighter jets we keep wasting billions on. That’d be hilarious. All that money, all that careful planning designing everything to the last screw to be as aerodynamic as possible, the fastest thing out there. Years’ worth of work from these big-brained engineers, only to get shown up by a rainbow freak of nature! Ha! The looks on their faces! …Until they snatch her for experiments…oh.
…
But what if they didn’t? I mean, would it be that big of a deal compared to everything else going on in the world? Would it really hurt anypony if one…maybe two ponies decided to show up? I’ll keep to myself, and she seems competent enough to do the same…maybe. I promise not to fly too close to any airports or government airspace, so I don’t rustle any feathers. Shoot, would I need to get a pilot's license for all this? For using my own limbs attached to my body? C’mon, that’s just ridiculous! That’d be like telling somepony they needed to have expressed legal permission to use their own legs to walk around! Absolutely ridiculous! What court do I go to, to fight this crap?
He stopped himself again, now hearing the low whisper of the wind tickle his ears, and stared back towards the horizon.
The clouds remained still.
I’m rambling again, sorry, I know, it happens every time…
He hid a sniffle behind a bit of the cloud; as he blinked away some sweat caught in his eyes. Why would he be sweating now?
I’m just a little lost, is all. Everything around me seems to be getting so complicated, yet…it all looks so familiar. Like I’ve seen it all before. All these nerves were creeping up on me, and I needed to see someone who could help. You’ve helped me before, more times than I can count. So now all I ask is if you could help me one more time.
…
You left so many years ago now, and I still don’t know what for. Nobody seems to know from those who were willing to talk. Not like he was gonna give me any answers, he never answered any call of mine beforehand, let alone a question such as that. I would’ve talked to Sarah about something like this, but…she’s not answering anyone anytime soon, not even from you. When she up and disappeared like that. Perhaps she caught up with you at some point. Not that it matters…no, it don’t matter anymore. It don’t matter.
He grumbled as he rubbed his eyes, getting his legs underneath him and standing up straight.
The clouds remained still.
Although, if I were to have one gripe and one gripe alone, it’d definitely be this god-awful quiet that keeps following me around. Never been a fan of that. The quiet. The silence.
The wind picked up, causing his cloud to rock like a steady ship out a sea. There was no light to grace him in this moment, as the whole world grinded to a standstill. And in this darkest hour he stood tallest, and flourished his wings to their fullest length.
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to. Even if everything else fails, and whatever plans we have going forwards fall to pieces, all I need is one thing to keep me grounded. That’s all I ask, just one thing.
The clouds finally moved.
Beginning to part, to crack, as a sliver of light arose from the corner of the earth long in the distance. That warm orange, so full of pulp and life, that it eroded whatever despair was holding on to bring about the wonders of the waking world. He sat there and watched. Waiting. Anticipating for something to show itself. Perched right on the very edge of his own cloud with giddy excitement. And as the clouds gave way even more, they split near the exact middle, revealing to him…
More sky. With more clouds.
He titled his head slightly and sighed.
Hmph, ah well, it'll take some time to figure out. It is quite a tall order, isn’t it?
He looked at his arm for an invisible watch, as his body was finally beginning to wake itself up, preparing for whatever routines that lied in wait on the brighter horizon.
I suppose that’s our cue, I gotta go and get my morning out of the way. As always.
He stretched himself out like a dog, backside raised to the sky as he let out a loud yawn.
I’ll let you get on with your day, I won’t bother you no more. Heck, go back to sleep if you want to, I know it’s so early when we talk. Not everypony’s thrilled about mornings…but it helps, it really does. Same time next week?
The sun rose even higher now, shining upon those parted clouds and creating an orange lining. Maybe it was just in the mood, but he could’ve sworn it molded itself into one giant heart. He smiled, and wiped his cheek.
Yeah, that’ll work. Ok, I’m gonna go now, see you soon.
