Prissy Pancakes
When you say you live in a crystal castle, it’s a given that rooms of necessity would be just as garish as they are ginormous, to which this was no exception.
The dining hall seemed to stretch forever, ceiling scrapping the sky like treetops. Rainbow regalia hung from the rafters; bells, banners, and bows accented the wall's abstract root patterns coiling around every corner. Though the table itself was surprisingly tiny, at least compared to the rest of the room. A circle gilded in gold, accompanying silverware engraved by the steadiest hand. Plush chairs with comfy cushions circled the table, so soft it was as if you were sitting on a cloud.
Louis found it all needlessly flashy, as if his house’s commodities couldn’t accommodate a country's commander. Then again, he wasn’t too familiar with the tastes of pony princesses.
Ambrose could care less about the room they’d been swiftly shuffled to. It was with who did the shuffling his concerns lie—that…and a certain somebody prone to panicking outburst at the sight of the strange.
The duo’s internal contemplations didn’t appear to reach their complexions, as the other three trekked around the room passively preparing plates and cups for the group.
“Can’t remember the last time we had somepony new eating with us here. Usually, it’s just our friends coming over for a bite. Are you two comfortable, anything you need?” Twilight asked with a smile.
They both looked around, feeling their haunches slowly sink into the seats. Ambrose cleared his throat, “We’ve never really been…ponies of expensive tastes, so this is certainly a change in scenery,” …And for the fact I can’t truly get comfortable around you three… “But it’s your place, Twilight. You don’t need to go tweaking it completely because of us.”
“Yeah, and you’ve already done plenty with offering us a room and stuff,” Louis said, leaning in as his mane went all over the table, “You’ve been better hosts than we could ever ask for.” …Please be happy please be happy please be hap-
“Oh, that makes me very happy to hear.” Twilight said brightly.
…Whew.
“Excuse me…” Starlight couldn’t say the same as Louis’s mane had filled up her plate, to which she quickly levitated to the back of his neck.
“Oh, whoops I-uh…keep forgetting how long this thing is.” He said, tracing its length with his hooves, "Like a great serpent, man...ride the snake..."
“Does that mane even know what a pair of clippers looks like?” Starlight joked, blowing off strands from her plate.
“Nope,” Louis smirked, “And you’ll give no such introduction, I find them to be a rather negative influence.”
“Oh yeah?” Starlight said, leaning in close to him, “Well, I think I know a few manestyles that would suite you, equal parts stylish and functional…” She finished with a playfully sinister giggle.
Ambrose could feel his body tense up as the two of them continued.
“And what if I say no, Starlight?” Cocking his head, getting eye-to-eye, "What if I was to say I don't like your manestyles, or you for that matter, and I took those clippers and shove them where the sun don't shine?" He propped his head up on his hooves with a smile, "How'd you respond to that, hmm?"
“I’ve come across many stallions like you, Vanilla,” Starlight said slyly, her horn lighting with an evil glint in her eye, “And I assure you, I can be very…persuasive…”
“Really? That’s the comeback you’re going with?” They turned to see Spike with an amused expression.
“What? I was only kidding, you know that,” Starlight waved a hoof. Louis’s face scrunched in confusion, “It’s a…long story.” She finished with an uneasy chuckle.
Twilight’s horn was lit as she was busy going through a rotisserie of recipe books. Flicking through pages at light speed, looking for something specific, “…No…no…a-ha! Here it is!” She said triumphantly, as a book was thrust into the air, “It’s the new book Pinkie gave me. She said it has this absolutely amazing pancake recipe! Why don't we give it a try?”
Can horses even eat those? Ambrose relaxed and shrugged, “Why not? Can’t go wrong with pancakes.”
Louis sat up, “Hey, I can help out with that if you’d like. I’m pretty familiar with the whole world of baking, y’know? Breakfast being on the top of that list.” He said with confidence…And because I would like a familiar set of hands making what I eat today…
Twilight smiled and shook her head, “I appreciate it, but I think me and Spike can handle this one for today. Maybe another time you can give it a whirl,” Spike gave her a confused look, “It’s this new baking technique I’ve wanted to try out. I’ll need you for this one.” His vision seemed to stretch a thousand yards as he jumped from the table and shambled his way to the kitchen.
Louis felt some color leave his face. What's she scheming? “Well, if you say so Twilight, I’m sure they’re gonna be absolutely delicious!” He responded with a smile.
He must’ve inflated her already enormous ego, as she quickly lifted into the sky, “In the meantime, you’ll just have a tolerate each other’s company, considering you two were at each other’s throats the second you sat down.” She giggled as Louis and Starlight looked away sheepishly.
“Yeah, by the time you get back, this whole place will be a smoldering wreck.” Ambrose joked, causing a slight shiver to run down Louis’s spine.
Matter of fact, second thoughts were already appearing in the aftermath of his verbal clash with Starlight. Hopefully Twilight didn’t take that shove it where the sun don’t shine quip too seriously, lest he find himself the victim of his very threat.
Twilight swiftly flew to the kitchen leaving the trio alone, accompanied by the awkward presence of dead air. As their comfort started to slowly rot away, Starlight sprang into action employing conversation as CPR.
“So...how do you guys feel about…tea?” She asked, a kettle magically appearing in her aura.
Louis scratched his chin, “We’re more connoisseurs of coffee ourselves, but I do enjoy a cup of boiled leaves from time to time.” He held his cup in between his hooves as she poured the kettle.
Ambrose noticed that the cups had handles for some odd reason; why would a species with hooves need an add-on to grip on? With that thought, he felt one of his wings ruffle. Oh, now I get it. Using a larger feather as an index finger, he lifted it in a surprisingly stable grip as Starlight filled his cup.
“Ahhh…” Louis exhaled with satisfaction, feeling the warm currents cascade through his system, as well as a little dribble running down his chin, “A nice way to start the morning, thanks Starlight.”
“Aww, you're welcome Vanilla,” Starlight said, her own sun shining in a radiant smile. Or maybe it was a light bulb, since an idea seemed to spark, “Oh! Speaking of starting things, since you guys are thinking about moving here, where did you...y’know, start? We all have to from somewhere.”
…Oh.
Louis wondered if he really should tell her. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt? Besides, they more than likely knew what they really were and where they came from, so lying might make it even worse. Shit, could they detect lies with those horns? Could he?
“Well, uh…” Give her an inch, see if she takes a mile, “The both of us are from...Colterado, originally…” Louis’s mind recoiled. What the fuck? Back up, redo that-
“Ooo Colterado, that sounds fun! I hear from friends the ski seasons are incredible when in full swing, Double Diamond goes on and on about it.”
That’s his name? “Heh, he sounds like the kind of guy to be a fanatic in that field. But yeah, they’re usually pretty exciting.” Ambrose replied.
“Easy for you to say, navigating the slopes is simple for you. I got four left hooves, man.” Louis grumbled.
“That’s because you never listen to me. You always lean back too much, and then you overcorrect and fall on your face. And you never turn! You just pizza down the entire time, moguls and everything!” Ambrose said, causing Starlight to stifle a laugh.
Louis turned to her, “Like I said, four left hooves,” He stuck his tongue out at Ambrose, “When I was there, the thing I appreciated most was the uh-rather lax law enforcement when it came to certain…indulgences, heh heh…” He chuckled as Ambrose rolled his eyes. Starlight cocked an eyebrow but didn’t seem too fazed by the comment.
“But apart from athletic expeditions and recreational uh...day-tripping, that’s about all Colterado had to offer me. At least from where I saw it. The town I was in beforehand was pretty small and unsustainable for the way I’d wanted to live. Amidst all that cold and snow, any signs of success just seemed to slowly freeze over. Not too long until I found myself in the middle of a giant ice cube, and I decided the best way to thaw myself out was lighting a fire under my ass and getting a move on.” Louis finished, taking another sip of his tea.
“Well, you better not get too burnt. Hate to see my favorite pair of buns get all crusty.” The woman sitting across from him giggled, pulling on the collar of her Sherpa she insisted she borrowed.
Louis wiped his hands down his face, leaning back on the old vinyl of the booth. If he wasn’t already crusty, these seats might just do it themselves. Even if this old diner was falling apart at the seams, it was still one of his favorites…as well as hers, so he sucked it up.
What he couldn’t stand was the fact his trusty steed was busy getting smothered by the snow. He grumbled as the white stripes of his Shelby started to expand to the rest of the car, fearing the convertible top crushing under the weight, “It’s not anything too serious I think…well, maybe it is considering the part of moving states. But it’s something I think we outta do.”
“Lay it on me, Lou. What’s your master plan?” She said playfully, twirling strands of her long golden curls.
“There’s nothing really masterful about it, man, just need a change from the gloom. Seeing all those windows getting boarded, stores going belly up one after another, I think it’s time we took our leave and scratch out a living elsewhere.” Louis leaned against the window, feeling its cold surface on his scalp.
“Well, it's the land of opportunity, I suppose…” She said, sipping her drink, “…And it would be cool to finally give the convertible an environment that supports it. I’d guess going to a warmer climate, perhaps somewhere out west?”
“More than likely,” Louis smiled, “We could finally see the coast, check out the beaches and sand and whatnot. Experience a new lively place compared to the rotting one we got here, and all these people-vultures walking around.”
“Don’t be an ass, Lou,” She scolded, “At least you have the chance to get out, majority here couldn’t even if they wanted to.”
Louis's face fell, “You’re right, sorry. It’s just-I don’t know, they can be so-“
“Yes…yes,” She started, shaking her head, “I know that you know that they know they can be very nosey, even if the nose knows it’s perfectly legal here, y’know?”
Louis blinked, “Wanna run that by me one more time?”
“My point is, don’t go acting up on others who don’t have it as good as you. I know how much you hate it when you're on the receiving end,” She started laughing, “Maybe you should get away from people for a while. Oh! How about the countryside? Think about it-walking through the dirt barefoot…looking out over all those rolling hills, those could be our waves! Our beach!” She threw her hands up triumphantly.
Louis smiled, “Heh, you're full of optimism today, aren't you?” She gave a silly nod, “I see…who’s your dealer?”
“I’m looking at him,” She replied softly, before glancing over, “I think that’s our order coming up.”
Sure enough it was, carried by a preppy looking waitress. She set a plate in front of her, “Thank you very much, I love your bangs!”
“Thank you!” The waitress replied happily.
She looked over to Louis, giving him a look of intrigue while tracing a line across her forehead.
“Yeah-no, I don’t think you'd be able to tame those curls enough to pull that off.” Louis said as his plate was laid in front of him.
“What curls?” The waitress asked.
Louis turned to her, nearly bumping headfirst into her muzzle.
He jumped back to see the waitress’s head had morphed into Twilight, bright purples ears perked up from her even brighter mane. Giant eyes glaring with confusion as she tilted her head.
"What the?" Louis quickly blinked, causing the worn out diner to crystalize around him. He was still in the dining hall, all of that was just...did he say all of that? Could they hear him? Could they see?
"You alright, Vanilla?" Ambrose asked, a repressed tone of worry. It was a face he was very familiar with.
Twilight was by Louis's side, flying with a face of concern, "...Oh, think I spaced out for a sec there...sorry about that." He looked down to see a cartoonishly fluffy stack of pancakes, decorated with an assortment of fruits and berries, all evenly spaced apart and color coordinated. Better than anything he'd ever done before.
“Well, that was quite the story,” Starlight said cheerfully, “You guys have sure have moved around a lot, hopefully you can call this place home.” She levitated a fork and knife as she began cutting into the pancakes.
Say something quick, “It’s nothing too special. We all go through stuff like that in our lives, just a drop in the bucket.” Louis said, picking up his own utensils to eat.
“But the way you were describing it was so detailed…so lifelike, I felt like I was really there! I could practically taste the snowflakes on my tongue!” Starlight gave a demonstration with powdered sugar.
"Uh...yeah-thanks. Happy to entertain," Louis said, still slightly dazed from what he'd just experienced. He was suddenly back home with...no, nevermind that. Home is just a hallucination now, this is reality. Just shove a pancake in your face and forget about it.
To which he did, the new set of teeth doing quick work, tearing through the...incredibly delicious pancakes! Must've been that unicorn magic or whatever, but these were the best pancakes he'd had in his entire life! The fruits and berries complimented each other perfectly, working together in tandem with the sugar, all atop a pile of pancakes baked to peak perfection. It was slightly bittersweet for him though, better than anything he’d ever done before.
“Holy shit, these are incredible!” Louis exclaimed ravenously ripping into another piece, flaying through its fluffy innards.
“Thank you, Vanilla! Nice to know it was a success,” Twilight said as she poured herself a drink, “What about you, Mellow? How does your palette take to my culinary experiment?”
Ambrose would’ve answered, if he could've picked up his silverware to do so. What is this? How am I supposed to hold a fork without fucking fingers? He moved them around with his hooves, perhaps pinching them in between, but to no avail. Finally, as they had all turned to him, he sighed in defeat and dove muzzle first into the mound, berries and sugar flying across the tabletop.
Louis would've laughed if he hadn't remembered that Ambrose was forced to do that. Why would they give him utensils like that if they knew full damn well he couldn't use them, was it a joke? Giving him subtle reminders of what he was once capable of, and snickering at the fact he now feasted like a wild animal? Hang on-if they had hooves, then how the hell was he using his?
His eyesight caught the shimmering of a golden aura floating in front of him. Within the aura was...a knife and a fork, to which was skewed a piece of pancake. He'd somehow been mindlessly using his magic to levitate his silverware. No mental preparation needed, and it was holding even after he'd noticed it. Convenient for me I guess, sorry Amby.
To their credit, the mares were playing a mean poker face, concealing their sadistic satisfaction behind the mask of sweet smiles, waiting in eager anticipation of his answer. Ambrose had finally pulled himself away from his food, now sporting a fashionably fruity mustache, "Yeah, they're good." He huffed.
It was here the façade finally broke as the two started giggling, "Well thank you very much, sir." Twilight responded in a masculine impression.
Ambrose felt his face heat up, "Excuse me?"
Defuse, "Hey Mellow, you gotta little uh-something there." Louis said, pointing to his face.
"Where, here?" Ambrose asked, pointing to his cheek. Then his chin. Then to everywhere but where his problem lies.
Oh for fucks sake, "Here, let me." Louis leaned over to wipe the fruit from his face.
Ok, that one...
Leaning in closer...
And this one here...
A little closer...
Honestly, how the hell do you even get fruit up there?
"Umm, Vanilla?"
Louis looked, realizing has practically touching muzzles with Ambrose, his wide eyes looking back. He looked over to see both 'Lights wearing blank stares, and his face went beet red, "There I...got it."
Ambrose's coat was now colored similar, "Thanks for that, good eye." He laughed nervously, his voice cracking higher pitches throughout.
The mares continued to sit silent, giving each other side eyes of surprise. Louis's pupils shrank in panic, "H-Hey Twilight, uh w-where's Spike?"
"Here..." A voice groaned from the edge of the table.
Louis looked over to see a small being completely covered in flour, "Jesus!" He pulled back, "You uh-you good there, man? You're looking a little pale around the...everywhere." He made a circular motion with his hooves.
Spike rolled his eyes, "Very funny, Vanilla," He grunted, "Just be careful next time you want to help out on one of her experiments, pal." He walked off, presumably to clean himself of his powdery coating.
Everyone else turned to Twilight, "Ok, maybe I went a little overboard in testing ingredients." She said sheepishly.
After a swift clean up, the group were now standing before a set of golden doors. Glistening, outlandish, menacing.
Louis could feel shakes all down his spine; this was it, no more cowering in the comfort of his delusions, this was his first step into the outside world. Even with all the time in said world, he could've never prepared himself for this moment...but then again, none of us can. We have no say in the matter, our wants merely whispers to forces whose reasons were far beyond our comprehension...Into this house we're born. Into this world we're thrown...
Ambrose was feeling similar vibes as the ponies slowly made their way forward, smiles in full deployment.
"We got pretty lucky having this tour fall on today, the weather teams had this huge thunderstorm a few days ago. But today, clear sunny skies!" Twilight cheered, unfurling her wings for full dramatic effect.
What does she mean had? "Great, wasn't exactly in the mood to get drenched again." Louis said, fluffing at his mane.
"Thank you very much for all of this, you two," Ambrose said to the pair of mares, "I have no clue where we'd be by now if you hadn't come along."
I do, home. Louis thought to himself.
"You're very much welcome, Mellow," Starlight said happily, "It's feels good to help somepony when they really need it."
And on that note, Twilight's horn shined bright, as she pushed the doors open. The slow, droning groan pieced their ears as their eyesight was engulfed in a blinding light.
As their senses were settling from the assault, squinting and straining, they caught their first glimpse of this new world.
Before them was a small stairway, continuing the theme of golden excess, bright and shiny. What the stairway was planted on was a long winding trail, which snaked itself down to a settlement. A settlement that looked to be crafted of straw and wood, thatched roofs and dirt roads spiraling all around. The architecture of a town was that was at least a few centuries past.
And of course, ponies. Ponies...everywhere.
The two stood there, jaws hanging in shock of what had just been revealed to them.
Twilight sauntered in front of them, giddy with excitement, "Can I do it? Can I?," Starlight giggled and nodded. She cleared her throat, putting on her most regal tone.
"I, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, welcome you to Ponyville!"
I have an announcement to make: Finals suck
Very controversial, I know.
We've finally left the castle, and are heading towards Ponyville! Yeah! It only took me...far too many chapters to get here! What strange, twisted, and certainly colorful events are going to unfold for our desperate duo? Well whatever it is, it definitely won't be improving their mental health anytime soon.
That’s all for now, have a nice whatever time you're reading this message.
Some music I listened to while writing this one: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLe-WQQHddpPPbABynN8jqHZ7ocwKZ9kt_
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That's f-a-z-e-d.
No, no. Sunny Skies is back in Hope's Hollow.
#joking
Random vivid visions that take over reality for a moment? Seems completely normal and not a sign of things to come at all.
Also how in the world did Twilight get Spike absolutely covered in flour from baking pancakes?
Yeah more proof they both need to be sent to the Happy Farm
10564677
Oops, nice catch.
10564765
You would not believe how often i see that mistake made.