As far as Rainbow Dash is concerned, there can be no forgiveness for Wallflower Blush. She's a memory-thieving witch, and isn't to be trusted. Even months later, Rainbow is still completely uninterested in being Wallflower's friend.
But when Wallflower asks the girls if they'll help her recover a rare flower from the Everfree Forest, the lure of adventure (and a few well-placed words from Sunset Shimmer) convinces Rainbow Dash to give friendship a chance.
Rainbow joins Wallflower on a quest for action, glory, and the chance to 'strut her sick rock climbing skills'. Oh, and to get flowers, yeah.
But the dangers of the Everfree did not stop at Gloriosa Daisy. That which they seek lies in the most remote and gloomy depths of the forest, and it does not yield its secrets without a fight.
They set out hoping to find unique plants.
The forest is more than happy to oblige.
- - - -
My submission for the 2020 May Pairing Contest!
Cover art by me!
Edited Long Description (re-write, stylistic improvements) 6-5-2020
Really impressive debut! This felt like it could be an actual EQG special for the most part (save a couple risqué jokes) and a good one at that. The pacing was great, the prose solid, especially during the climbing and action sections, and the scope felt completely appropriate. Altogether a very pleasant short read.
10263625
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I'm also glad it came across like a special, that's what I was (mostly) going for. I appreciate your read!
edit: I'd also be happy to hear if there was anything you didn't think was good.
Practice, practice, practice.
I'm a real sucker for stories that would work as actual episodes in the show, and this one fits the bill. While I haven't watched more than the first 4 EQG movies, that movie episode thing with Starlight in it, and Forgotten Friendship, I could easily imagine this being an episode. (In fact, if every episode of the EQG show is as good as this story, I should probably give it a chance.)
This story was great! The action was well written. The couple of DBZA references in the story should've felt gratuitous to me, but I actually felt like they worked for Rainbow's character. While Rainbow holding a grudge like that wasn't the easiest sell for her character, I was willing to buy it for the sake of an all around solid story. It makes for great conflict that leads to a satisfying fight scene and conclusion... Almost...
Truly, the only thing I wish was included was an epilogue for what the Poison Joke did to the two of them. Do you have plans for a sequel then? The story must be told!
For those wondering about the references...
Reference 1:
Reference 2:
Also...
Oh, and great work on the cover art, by the way!
10268566
Thank you for reading, and moreso for commenting! I am happy that you liked it.
Now, I do love a conversation, but feel free to ignore all of this:
Agh, yeah. Okay, I'm glad you brought that up, because I dithered on this. I do think Rainbow might hold a mild grudge for something like having her brain played with--Loyalty being made to turn her back on a friend and all--but I think I could have executed it better.
I was tinkering with what I affectionately referred to as "jerkbutt Rainbow" right up until the contest deadline, and I still wasn't happy with it. My thought was that I just made her a bit too harsh to be believable, and so oversold it. Maybe if she was a little more mild?
SoonTM
Another casualty of the contest deadline, and also the word count (that I went over). I had to choose whether to wrap that up in a weak and unsatisfying way, or leave myself the chance to write it even better later. I like my options open, and hate a wasted idea!
Ah yes, the references.
1; I was so trying to remember where I got that from. I knew it was from something I had watched, but couldn't remember what. I kept thinking it was from a Youtube Let's Play for some reason? Even more embarrassing considering that:
2; was an intentional borrow. Not necessarily because I wanted a DBZA reference, but because I wanted a mild 'curse' for Rainbow to say. And it's just so fun to say. Crapbaskets. That's good stuff, right there.
3; I wish this was intentional, instead it's just a striped sweater. I need to up my pop culture game, yo.
10268328
I suppose I have two very minor critiques. I didn't mention them because neither of them are necessarily bad in the context of the story.
There are a few scenes where the POV hops between characters a bit suddenly. It never quite felt like we were in third person omniscient, so suddenly changing heads was kind of jarring. Admittedly this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine and some authors incorprate that kind of head hopping into their style, so again, not necessarily a bad thing.
The other thing is that I often feel like writers, both fanfiction authors and show writers, position Rainbow Dash as the mean one or the unreasonable one too much. In the show itself that lead to her character deteriorating a bit as episode after episode cast her as a negative example. Aside from just burying a good character, it also kind of speaks to the default assumption that more masculine characters are naturally insensitive and cruel, which sets a pretty bad example in my opinion. I don't think there's anything to that level in this story, but again, in the greater context of the show and fandom it's something that irked me slightly.
Seriously though, very all-around solid story, and a very pleasant front page surprise.
This was fun, and I'm kinda shocked it hasn't gotten a better reception! And upvote for you good sir, madam, or otherwise. I bought the character voices, and I feel like you sold Rainbow's grudge well enough. Your descriptions were great too--I really felt the claustrophobia of the Equestrian section of the forest.
You sort of have to write a follow-up with the effects of the poison joke though. I'll keep an eye out for it =P
10269146
Thank you again for the insight!
Par 1:
The 'head hopping' was an intentional stylistic choice I made, but I did intend for it to be smoother than it came out. I'm still figuring out smoothly transitioning between internal voices without some kind of hard break in the narrative. I can't say I won't do it again, but I'll try to make it better next time!
Par 2:
Ahh, 'jerkbutt Rainbow'. I agree completely! She does get kind of a toxic/bad reputation. I had always attributed it more to her being a stubborn and somewhat egocentric character rather than a masculine one, but I see that angle now and it's hard to unsee. Something for me to think about with writing her in the future, for sure, because I really felt there was something off in that part.
10269191
Thanks! I'm happy with the reception its received. Not a lot of attention, but friendly and constructive attention. As far as I'm concerned, that's a net win!
SoonTM
I'm outlining for another contest, so not immediately. I like to write for contests, the deadlines motivate me to finish work. But I will revisit that.
...
...
...
... I absolutely need more of this pairing. Whether it be friendshipping or romantic shipping, I don't care.
I
Just
Want
MORE!!!
🖤🖤🖤