Maybe a little arrogant, Boston has always had trouble making close friends. After a race, he is dropped into a medieval world of ponies and has to find out how he got there as well as someway to fit in. A hard proposition considering the ponies don't speak English.
I've already written about 20k words for this story, but awhile back I lost some passion for it. I decided to finally polish up what I had and post it here. If you all find it interesting and want to see more I'll probably continue with it. I'll add the next few chapters I've already written as I edit them.
Chapters (4)
The flow could use some work. I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure you can find one on the blogs or try the writers guide but so far the stories interesting I'm looking forward to reading more😁✌️ but you should check out other people's material see if you like their flow and their stories 🤔
This sentence says "the sky" twice in a row, and I think there should be a semicolon after "mention".
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Thanks so much for the feedback! Is it ok if I ask specifically where it dragged on the worst? The main reason I published this story was so I could find out where the problems are in it. The people I initially gave it to were kind of yes-men.
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Thanks! I can't believe I din't notice how clunky that whole paragraph was even when I've tried going through this whole thing multiple times. I think hopefully it makes more sense now.
An interesting start. It has potential, but there's something about the flow that makes my eyes skip all over the place as I'm reading. I can't quite put my finger on why but I did notice that a lot of the sentences are almost the same length. Some short sentences might help. Reading it aloud can help find natural break points too.
Viking ZX on this site has a blog series on being a better writer. I've greatly enjoyed reading it even though I haven't put anything out. Hope to read more from you! :)
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I'm glad you liked it! I'm going to put a bit more work into redoing the next chapter so that it flows a bit better hopefully.
Really liking the concept so far and am looking forward to reading more.
This chapter did seem to flow a lot better than the previous two. Your sentence structure seems less awkward in places this chapter as well.
I saw someone else point out Viking ZX’s being a better writer blogs and I also highly recommend them. There are a ton of them but he knows what he’s talking about.
Looking forward to reading more.
Hopefully he will be able to understand them causee itt annoying not being able to under stand translation spell would work.
Absolutely love this, the level of details you go into on this story is amazing, I wonder how Boston is going to understand them later on.
Love this!
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Glad you liked it!