An alcoholic gives up on his 25th birthday and turns into a pony. Now she's just trying to get home.
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11085953
I'm glad you liked this chapter! This was one of the first scenes I came up with when dreaming about this story.
I hope you like the rest of it! I'm also glad it's giving you nostalgia vibes of the first Five Score days but with darker themes. Definitely what I was going for. I read a lot of stories in the shared universe for "research".
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I'll have to check out the shared universe too, the quality of the story is great. I can see a lot of references to other 5/4 fics even though I don't recognize them. I'm very curious what happened in Seattle for instance. I get the feeling you put a lot of work into fitting into the shared universe.
I just finished chapter 10, and with Berry wandering off on their own I have a feeling it's about to get even darker. The way Berry looked out for her daughter, and the foreshadowing of the relationship with Comet was great. All those subtle mentions and then the dream. I think I know who Ruby's father is.
11087261
I'm so happy you're enjoying it! If you want to get nostalgic you'll love what I have for part 4 so far! : )
Just got to get Spectrum caught up now! I can't wait for Spectrum to see what I've done with his fic.
this is a amazing chapter. so many memory's of past story's. and so many story's yet being put to paper.
i know of two vary good story's right now that need a few more readers.
Civil Patrol a five score tale
Ironys tale
and a story that i am sad to say will probably never be finished due to the author having health problems.
five score a velvet nightfall
11087954
Oh no! I had no idea about Velvet Nightfall author's health problems. That's awful.
Irony's Tale is a retelling from Dust on the Wind from another Irony's perspective, right?
I'm waiting to see Civil Patrol to update more. I'm in the same boat, hypocritically: I'm not as good at updating but need a story to either regularly update, be finished, or be abandoned in order to be willing to read it. When ponies tell me they're waiting for my story to finish because my update schedule is so slow I tell them I completely understand.
They definitely need more views though! That's a lot of work put down on paper!
I'm happy you enjoyed this chapter! Like every chapter as of late and every chapter coming, it's a culmination of so many notes, help from friends and a work of love and obsession for this series.
Equestria or bust! (Next chapter!!)
11088126
that and a good deal more.
It looks like the story is nearing it's conclusion, which will be good, but also sad since it means no more hearing about Berry's adventures. Kind of makes you wish the story never ends and we could see Equestria after 5/4 and the ponies rebuild or something.
Anyway, I'm glad it showed Berry backslide a bit. Sobriety is something they have to constantly work at, and Berry seems uncertain if she was trying to be completely sober or just drink in moderation, if that's even possible for her at this point. A former dream hinted at her being 7-months sober in Equestria, so I'm guessing she has made the commitment before for Ruby's sake. How she reconciles her special talent with her addiction could be very interesting, even if it's just the realization that friendship and motherhood was enough for her to finally quit for good. Would she still be the most talented sommelier or bartender if she abstained from drinking?
More pony's paths crossed and the spirits were generally high. Cloud Kicker's well written and you included her rules and the Eepysqueak nickname from the Winningverse. I'm sure all the characters I didn't recognize were just as faithful to their original stories. I'm sure all the fans of incomplete 2014 stories appreciate getting little glimpses into where those stories may have gone. The Cadance/Sombra one I looked up out of the author's note because I always wondered how she'd deal with Shining moving on without her.
Berry couldn't help Cadance, but I think all these brief little moments make this story just as well-written as the original Five Score. This isn't just an isolated tale, but feels like a living part of the original work because of all that effort to intertwine everything together and keep it consistent. Having Berry find the notebook and help get that information to Luna also provided her a way to contribute something valuable to the overall effort to get back to Equestria. She feels every bit as important as the mane six without detracting from their own contributions.
11090510
I'm so glad you liked it so much!
This is all I wanted out of the story! Bridging that gap between all of these well-loved unfinished stories and finished ones. I hope Spectrum likes what I've written so far.
I'll admit I've fallen in love with these background characters too. Even the ones I didn't flesh out. I'm pleased you caught the Winningverse references! The Thunderheads author used that as a basis and I did my research too to make sure it felt like the same characters they were using.
I'll admit Blossomforth has been hard to write because Cloud Kicker is so much more interesting. She kind of steals every scene she's in!
If there was one thing I would say that defines your writing above all else its:
Real
And that is what makes it so heartwrenching and so wholesome at the same time. Just how believable and realistic the addiction itself is. The love between a struggling family and a broken home trying to hold things together. It's so tragic to see our Berry fall on her bad habits, knowing what is going to happen, and how it hurts others, including herself. Knowing she so desperately wants to be there for her kid, despite it all, yet knowing how bad her addiction is. Can't even be mad at Carrot Top for being upset, but it certainly takes more than a firm word to fix this kind of issue. Knowing that their is potential for the story to take so many different paths with their relationship, Berry reflecting on being a good mother... *Oof* that hits hard.
Such a well written story, a gut-wrenching main character, and all the love and happiness of an innocent little filly and mare that love each other through it all. As always, nervouscited for the next!
Such an exciting note to end on! We're now barreling toward the conclusion, and I can't wait to see how the Berry Bunch will factor in the momentous events to come.
These past few chapters have had this 'calm before the storm' feeling, especially when you're familiar with the universe's storyline; a bit of slice-of-life before jumping back into action. It could've been a real pitfall, because technically the overall plot is on hold, even more so as in the original as we're not privy to the research on how to reach Equestria... But like the original, you made excellent use of that 'down time' by continuing to explore characters and their interactions, including so many awesome Easter eggs, and providing a really nice inside view of what it's like to be in what, for all intents and purposes, is a pony refugee camp. You've really taken advantage of all these interesting characters from other fics being in the same place at the same time as your characters, and that's such an awesome thing to do from the point of view of the Five Score universe as a whole – you provide such marvelous connective tissue. Seriously, I love and admire your fic (and all the work and research you must've put in for it) for instilling so much new life into the events depicted in the original story – in a way, One For The Road is becoming an essential companion piece to the original Five Score, just as The Last Crusade. Furthermore, from a narrative structure perspective, this respite between the attack on the homestead and follow-up, and the battle for Equestria, will probably greatly benefit the overall flow of the story.
This chapter also saw the return of a demon even more destructive and pernicious than Discord... It's sad to see her dipping back into her addiction, but it's not completely her fault – she was placed into this situation by others, tempted, and naturally she slipped; it's painfully realistic, and very relatable (and it's good to see this can still happen even among ponies – it's not just some kind of 'human vice' – though it also showcases the difference in consequences between human and pony company). In a way, being known as Berry Punch is almost the worst thing that could happen to her – everypony expects her to be the 'alcohol pony' thanks to the brony fandom (and you clearly highlighted that fact); she even used that herself to rationalize her drinking afterwards. Contrasting with the previous times this happened, like Berry argues, it was a happy occasion... and yet it still went downhill, thanks to the real, very real, antagonist of the story. It also shows that Berry's issues haven't just been magically solved because she saw a rainboom or met back with her family. Though they, and especially her daughter, can help her stay on course, the world and society around her often push her into falling back into her bad habits, which is a good point to make – sure she's succumbing to temptation, but it's not done in a vacuum, somepony literally gave her the noose to hang herself, not even out of malice at that. It's a good way to talk about social pressure, and how vulnerable people can be led astray even through neutral or well-meaning actions from others who don't know any better. Considering how your fic discusses addiction and trying to live with it, I think it's great that you keep using these opportunities to show that. Really, it's one of your story's many strengths that the supernatural happenings do not eclipse this essential aspect of Berry's character.
Having Berry anxious that past-her may have been neglecting Ruby was a very nice point to introduce too. It's a very understandable fear, and a fear we see directly realized over the course of the chapter, with how being drunk and depressed can affect her and her actions. It's interesting, because it suggests that even when she isn't alone, when her friends are near, she can easily relapse if the 'right' conditions are met; again it shows how insidious her addiction can be, as it plays on how she reacts when she's depressed or bothered, and it makes it understandable how this could've been an issue even back in Equestria. Once more, it's great to show that she hasn't everything figured out yet, that the fight isn't over. There were also clearly opportunities to write some pretty titillating scenes, but actively preventing them really worked to showcase that we're supposed to see Berry's situation as sad and not a good thing – heck, after knowing what happened earlier in the fic, I'm sure most readers are downright relieved that Berry 'missed' these opportunities to fool around, because we know it's not good for her.
Beyond Berry's struggles, that chapter also gave us some very interesting scenes. I especially loved your exploration of Celestia's visit and how it's perceived by her little ponies – and I can't help but suspect some form of foreshadowing with Berry's musings. The princesses' role at the end of Five Score's main storyline has always been kept a little nebulous, except for Twilight of course, likely so that the fics in which they starred wouldn't be unduly constrained... But these fics sadly never reached that point, so it was already a boon to have you explore a little more of Luna previously, and now you give us more tantalizing glimpses of Celly here. Oh, and let's not forget Cadance, who mysteriously disappeared after meeting Shining in the original – well mystery no more! Or less of a mystery, at least, and it's an interesting segue towards her next appearance in the universe (in the later parts of A Velvet Nightfall, if I'm not mistaken). Like I said earlier, you really went above and beyond in putting all these various narrative strands together into an unified whole, and the Five Score 'verse has never felt so alive.
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Thank you! I hope you get to "Carrot"! I'm particularly proud of that and Part 3 in general.
I have to ask- did you take any inspiration from Return of the Dawn for this story? I might've asked this already, but I have a bad memory.
Yay, Chrissy's children are here!
11479815
I did find common ground between Return of the Dawn and Total Eclipse of the Sun actually and was intending on incorporating that more. Unfortunately editing made me realize it was too superfluous and I'd really have to go out of my way to include more of it. So it absolutely had an influence but it won't be obvious enough that I link either. <3