An alcoholic gives up on his 25th birthday and turns into a pony. Now she's just trying to get home.
Page generated in 0.038 seconds
Total duration
1,062 users online
1,681,572 hits today, 2,156,967 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This chapter was absolutely wonderful in its pacing and execution. Something subtle that I’ve noticed while reading and I’m not sure whether or not it’s intentional:
Each time our protagonist has described absinthe thus far, the detailing in terms of both the flavoring , memories, and metaphors surrounding it become more detailed and more vivid. If it’s on purpose, it’s very subtle and I love it.
This chapter knocked it out of the park, both on the TF details and even more so on the alcoholic's spiral in the last half.
Starting with the former, the detailing of the harsh realism and body dysphoria that would come with a TF. I think you covered a lot of the grim reality of TF that many authors like to skip over. Most authors skip past the unsettling parts of the TF while focusing only on the exciting (or erotic) elements, while others lean into the full-on body horror elements (e.g. stories like The Fly). But few authors ever focus on what lies between those two. This chapter was wonderful at filling that void and bringing up the grim reality of the more mundanely unsettling aspects of a TF. Everything from the feeling of your beard coming off and itching the skin, to still being able to walk but still feeling like your legs are the wrong proportions, to that sudden creeping realization that comes as you hear the hard click on the tile from what is no longer the foot you remember.
From there the grim side of things only accelerates for our protagonist. The body dysphoria slams into them like a trainwreck, and their mental state breaks down at the horror of what they are experiencing. At this point most authors would end the scene, or interrupt this character's downwards spiral with something like a knocking on a door which jolts the character out of their stupor. But instead you keep the proverbial camera on the protagonist, and trap us there with them. They are having the worst night of their life, and the reader is there with them, line by line, as the hours of that night tick by.
After that unique and memorable first half, we get an intermission of sorts in the form of Discord taunting Berry, complete with a bit of required exposition and some jump scares to keep the viewer on their toes.
That brief respite ends soon though, as we soon return to Berry's inner demons. And what follows is, somewhat sadly, one of the most accurate depictions of alcoholism I have ever read. In no particular order, these lines really stood out.
Well I said "in no particular order", but that last one in particular is, just... God damn.
It pains me to read it, but subject matter notwithstanding, that is damn good writing.
The slow transformation is done really well, including all of Berry's reactions and those of the others who have seen her and Comet so far. I particularly like this chapter where it's sinking in more, topped with the hallucinations of Discord (or real Discord. How would Berry even know?) And then it drives her back to drinking.
Even though she seems to realize more now that the alcohol isn't a good coping mechanism, it's the only mechanism she has.
The TF was spectacular. Despite all my years thinking, writing, and imagining TF's of all shapes, sizes and subjects, I don't think I ever would have thought of this. It was one of the most unique experiences I've seen anywhere, and do believe me when I tell you this will be on my mind in all future ventures into TFs of any kind.
"A man's greatest fear is realizing he has no power over himself."
Addictions of all types are terrifying. No matter how you feel about your addiction, whether you cherish it to the last drop in the moment, or despise it for all the problems its caused you, or not even realizing that you are addicted, the sense of helplessness that you feel before, during, or after use, is true fear. Sometimes you make excuses. Sometimes you are apathetic. But it will always come back to that illogical, uncontrollable desire for another hit/drink/pill. And when your world spirals out of control, when you feel like you've lost everything, nay, when you know you've lost everything, your brain still tells you, "You've got another bottle waiting, it will help, trust me."
You've written something beautiful. In all it's visceral, heart-pounding, pulling-no-punches glory. This chapter was a pleasure, truly.
11104604
Oh my gosh, thank you. That's really high praise!
I loved writing this chapter. It was one of the many scenes I wrote this story for. When I was first introduced to TF, I initially saw it as a psychological horror. I thought it should be unpleasant, unsettling and we should feel powerless. I'm glad so many others liked this interpretation!
That was a great but very sad chapter
Of all the 5 Score/4 stories that I've read, and I've read a lot... the sheer existentialism and horror of this transformation and subsequent alcoholic meltdown is fantastic. Wonderfully done!
11738417
Aw! Thank you so much for the compliment! I'm a big Five Score fan myself. This was definitely the earliest chapter that I was excited to do. I love body horror.