An alcoholic gives up on his 25th birthday and turns into a pony. Now she's just trying to get home.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wow, if we thought the war for Equestria was the climax, this chapter really proves itself to be the true apotheosis of the Berry Bunch's story!
I think you did a good job marrying what little we've seen of Tartarus in the show with the grander scale you envisioned. Appreciated the riverbed mention (of course all hell has broken loose, with the Styx now dried up!), and the whole derelict town setting was so delightfully creepy and Lovecraftian, I love it! Been a looong while since I've last read the Inferno, so didn't catch the reference; it's certainly fitting.
At first I was surprised that our heroes would reach the heart of Tartarus so easily, so early in so long a chapter. This could only mean they were in for a full plate of trouble... And indeed, that was a truly harrowing ordeal! They may be crafty with their magic, most of these ponies aren't warriors, and though they certainly don't lack courage, the consequences were inevitable... You really conveyed the violent chaos of this final battle, treading on the edge of despair until, slowly but inevitably, our heroes plunged to their demise...
... That is, until you finally pulled the trick card you'd been subtly setting up this whole time! This is one of the fun consequences of most of the Five Score-verse having been laid out relatively early in the fandom's history, before elements such as the geodes were introduced: we know they may've existed in this universe, but few if any authors used them before, so we don't expect them, and the characters themselves don't know about them at all (if we follow the original version of Five Score, in which MLP:FiM ended abruptly with its fifth season and Equestria Girls only included the first two movies). I'm eager to see what you'll do with them next! You've already made excellent and very convenient use of Empathy's power to give us this crash-course on the 'Second Fall' of Sunset Shimmer.
And, speaking of the devil... You were right to keep this twist close to the vest, I wasn't expecting it and it left me both utterly surprised and with a big silly smile on my face! At first I was wondering if you were playing on some mythological elements linked to Tartarus, like Campe, then I had a slight, formless suspicion of something more after the mention of crystals, which reminded me of dark magic, but the Sunset Shimmer herself!? A bold, and very interesting choice! Her specter had been looming over the story since you introduced the notebook, with little innocuous-sounding though still relevant remarks from time to time after that, and I was convinced that it wouldn't go much further, leaving her fate in the depths of Tartarus to be only shared through some kind of tragic, message-in-a-bottle/apocalyptic log-type thingy, but I'm so happy I was wrong. She holds real thematic and narrative significance, an avatar of Berry's demons that the mare is now fully equipped to confront in a positive, constructive way, by extending a hoof in friendship and empathy, completing the rocky course of her arc the most pony way there is.
It was a real treat to be given the opportunity of contributing directly to this amazing story, and a fun experience to give voice to this character at the turning point of their story. You gave me carte blanche to revise these sections as I saw fit, but as usual there wasn't much for me to do – it was already so poignant and effective. Though I did add a specific texture, I tried to preserve as much as possible the original intention behind the words: so be reassured dear readers, this is very much still Hyreia's hard work, I merely applied a thin layer of my own brand of verbose varnish here and there.
All in all, you delivered to us yet another fantastic bit of writing, and a finale more than worthy of one of the best Five Score stories out there. Now to wait, eagerly, for the conclusion!
Oh, and one last thing...
This made me laugh out loud, it's just so Berry! XD
wow this is a hole different twist on the Five Score story line. and i love it..
he she is to save the day. Derpy
Wow, that was quite an arc all inside one dénouement of a massive chapter. The culmination of the entire story so far that gave me a lot of the same vibes as the first episode of the series. The tales and echoes of Sunset with Berry's story, both doing things out of desperation, of losing their way and taking a turn for the worse, but friends pulled them both out of their struggles. It's quite poetic that the prisons Berry and Sunset were a byproduct of their situations that became a self-enforcing punishment by their inability to accept themselves with all their flaws and past mistakes. If there was anything that could define your amazing story its resilience. I could see Berry standing up after having her body torn up over and over just to say "I can do this all day...with my friends" and that is just so heartwarming. For when the time comes when you lack the belief in yourself, friends are they, that shall hold thy faith. For when the path of life doth twist and turn, it is but for one another which we should yearn. Aaaand that's enough silly poetry. Another amazing chapter as always. Hooves high for you and our wonderful Alsey writing pal.
11375265
You're too kind, talented friend!
Verily! <3
If I were to judge my own climax, I would admit it's kinda contrived and there's only so many hints at the twist. Their depressions are from different places at least. Berry just needed a bit of a recreation and reflection to 'get' hers. There's too many good ponies who are hard on themselves but with hearts that love others, you know? Even if we get our external forgiveness, the cycle is too willing to repeat. Gotta be change and self-love! No beating ourselves down. I stole a lot of ideas from the religion of my 20's but I stole the 12 steps from Alcoholics Anonymous too and made it about depression instead. "12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to 'alcoholics', and to practice these principles in all our affairs." Depression is the worst alcohol.
11374224
I'm always proud to have your approval, Harts Fire! I know you're a big fan of this shared fanfic universe too and probably one of the most well-read on it that I've talked to.
11375301
Have to make sure you're doing more than just "managing symptoms" and curing the actual causes. That is a lot harder to accomplish, but sometimes to fix the deepest of problems we have to shatter who we used to be to become something better.
11376245
I completely agree.
Huh. Wouldn't have guessed that Howells' Magnificat would work well with the Sunset confrontation.