In Case Of Emergency, Good Luck

When looked back on, Childhood is often surreal for a number of reasons. It may be because your public school forced you to swear undying loyalty under any and all circumstances to your home country every morning, it may be because your parents believed that children are exotic pets to be dressed up and shown off at high society gatherings rather than actual people, or it may be because you would turn on the news every morning to hear stories of people being shot by methheads two blocks away from you. Regardless, most children grow up thinking such traumatic oddities to be normal, growing up to live normal lives in normal cities with somewhat normal people in them. But the truth is normal doesn't exist, and it certainly doesn't exist in childhood, where the only difference between people is how well those abnormalities are received and how much psychological damage they end up doing in the long run.

Growing up sure is great.

tap. tap. tap. tap.

Water droplets dripped from drain pipes outside. The smell of petrichor covered the dirt paths of Ponyville, crawling with earthworms, and the last drops of rain were trickling off roof lips to the damp pavement below. Crops were soaking in runoff, children and stray cats were coming out to stomp around in mud puddles, and dreary clouds were being pushed out of the way of the bright sun by distant pegasi. If scents could be seen, the scent of a small village just after it rains would be the perfect phone wallpaper.

tock. tock. tock. tock.

Sweetie Belle fell into a rhythm with the drops, gently knocking her hoof against the wooden table her head lay on in boredom. The town was still waking up, it was still early in the morning after all, and she knew Applebloom was going to be busy doing her morning labor. She wasn't really sure what Scootaloo got up to each morning, but she always seemed to be busy with something for a few hours each day. Her sister and one of her friends was out either saving the world from yet another megalomaniac or helping someone realize friendship was Swag, and it looked to be a while before responsibilities came for her. She was going to be alone for a while today.

knock. knock. knock. knock.

Looking at it from this angle, it was kind of disheartening for her to see how much her childhood revolved around the validation of others, likely a result of the metaphorical distancing she had done from her biological parents almost her entire life wait that isn't her knocking.

Sweetie pulled her head up from the table, looking around the boutique. She was sure of it now; Someone else was knocking, rhythmically, in a constant sequence, boring, drilling, into her skull. It was far from a simple knock on the front door, it reverberated in her lungs, and try as she might she couldn't pin down one single source of noise. The very sound filled the house, coming from everywhere, revolving around and seeming to make the entire room turn methodically. The noise didn't even seem to exist in her ears anymore, instead taking on physical form, like a cotton swab being pulled in and out of her head. She kept knocking her hoof along with it, until finally she had to get up. As soon as she ceased, the noise followed suit, and the boutique was quiet again.

Sweetie held her breath, slowly sitting back down again and experimentally knocking on the wood once more.

knock.

It was undeniable now; the presence was deliberately copying her. Her trepidation became excitement the more she experimented.

knock knock knock.

knock. knock knock. knock.

Thoughts raced through her head. The dripping outside had been completely silenced, as if scared by the far more superior noise. Sweetie racked her brain for ideas.

"If you can hear me, knock twice."

knock knock.

The poor girl nearly jumped out of her chair. The noise was at least somewhat intelligent, but that didn't tell her much. Regardless of what it told her, she understood from deep down that it would be beyond rude to keep an experience like this to herself. Paranormal activities were meant to be shared with friends, of course, it's the unspoken rule of children who suddenly find themselves thrust into new experiences beyond their understanding.

"I'm... going to get my buddies. Stay here!"

knock. knock. knock. knock knock knock.

---*---

"Hello?"

"Hey, what's up?"

"I need your help. Can you come here?"

"I can't. I'm..."

Scootaloo glanced over at the large spider taking up most of the cave's space.

"Buying clothes."

"Right, well hurry up and come over here. I got something I want you to see."

The pegasus wriggled in the web, trying to free her other foreleg while keeping conversation. The sounds of scuttling began to approach. "I really can't right now."

"I think there's a ghost in the boutique."

Scootaloo stopped moving, the edge of her lip beginning to droop. "Like a dead guy?"

"Yep. A ghost, a specter, an earthbound spirit living in the walls; whatever you want to call it."

She sighed, looking down at the webs her hindlegs were wrapped in and pondering the best course of action. "Sweetie, I don't really have time right now to look at some old ghost stories- Hey! Leave me alone for a minute, I'm on the phone!"

The oversized arachnid clicked it's pincers annoyedly, nonetheless moving to the web wrapped figure closest to her and biting into it. It's frantic struggles and muffled screams died down, and the mass seemed to deflate as it's organs were liquidated. Scootaloo ignored it, turning back to the yapping on the other end.

"Come ooooonnn! Just for a few minutes, I'll show you the undeniable proof, and then you can go back to your business."

Scootaloo sighed, grimacing at the spider again and motioning for one more second it begrudgingly gave.

"Fine. I'll be there in 30 minutes, tops. See you then."

---*---

"AB! Are you there?"

"I'm here, I'm here. You couldn't have waited a little while for me to finish my chores?"

"This is much more important than picking up apples or branches. There's some supernatural stuff going on here, and I need you to help me out."

"Supernatural?" Apple Bloom paused, confused, swinging her hoe into Applejack's foaming mouth as she snapped at her viciously. "Like, a cryptid?"

"Better than some silly old cryptid. A ghost." Apple Bloom's eyes widened as her attention became interest. "Come over as fast as you can, I need all hooves on deck."

"Alright then. But you better not be making something up. I'll be there in a flash."

Apple Bloom hung up, giddiness briefly subsiding for a sigh as she wrestled her predatory, lupine sister away from her. "Full Moon's over, sis. You can turn back now."

---*---

The sun had finally decided to show it's full beauty to the mortals below by the time the trio rendezvoused in Carousel Boutique. The phantom knocking politely waited as the girls began discussing the new presence around Sweetie's wooden table. Despite constant distractions in their conversation, they eventually reached a unanimous decision- they had to keep talking to it. So, after a quick detour into town to grab milkshakes and return, the Crusaders finally got down to business with the matter at hand, taking turns sipping and asking questions to the more active than usual walls.

"Alright, girl," Scootaloo announced skeptically, "We're gonna ask you some questions. Now, I want you to knock twice for yes and once for no. First things first, are you a pony?"

knock.

Apple Bloom's ears perked up, and she quickly spit the straw out. "Are you a ghost?"

There was a pause this time, but nevertheless, knock knock.

Excited murmurs were traded, with Apple Bloom largely cornering the market. Sweetie Belle hushed them all, clearing her throat and speaking with a wavering giddiness to her voice.

"Were you murdered? Is the one who killed you still alive?"

knock knock. knock knock.

"Where's your body?"

Sweetie Belle bonked her head against Apple Bloom's, huffing. "She can't answer that! We have to narrow it down."

If her words were an attempt to calm and rationalize, it didn't work. Apple Bloom began calling out dozens of options, and the rapping struggled to keep up.

"Here?"

"Ponyville?"

"Sweet Apple Acres!"

"The school!"

"The Everfree Forest!"

knock knock!

"Everfree! She was killed in the forest!"

Her excited babbling was back, and Scootaloo begrudgingly began to listen this time. Regardless of initial doubt, the next step seemed clear, and within minutes a search plan was being sloppily thrown together. Sweetie Belle lingered in the lobby to coax more clues out of the verbally limited rappings, Apple Bloom excused herself to the kitchen to call her sister.

"Sis? Are you ok now?"

"Ya didn't have to stab me with that old hoe."

"Given how much time you spend with Dash, I figured you didn't mind old hoes. We're going to go looking for a body, we'll be back before sundown."

"Alright then. That sounds reasonable. You remember the rules?"

"If I see a hairless animal, leave the area asap. If I see a circle of stones, stay out of it. If anyone in the forest asks me for my name, lie."

"And?"

"Sis, it's morning. I promise I won't look directly at the moon."

"Just making sure. Stay safe."

"Thanks AJ." She hung up, turning to Sweetie expectantly.

"We're looking for a fresh body, no more than a day old. Adult, wearing Iron Horseshoes. White coat, blue hair. Flower cutie mark."

"Sweetie, you know darn well there isn't a single pony in Ponyville who doesn't wear iron horseshoes everywhere they go. We're all wearing them right now, for Celestia's sake, taking them off for even a second is a safety hazard!" Apple Bloom crossly pointed out.

"My question is, how the hay did you figure that out from yes or no questions?" Scootaloo demanded, cocking her head.

"Several consecutive games of What Am I. Let's get going."

---*---

Another constant of small western towns is Creepy Forest™. You all know the type of place; the place where It's always dark, something is definitely watching you, and you probably spent a good portion of your time inside regardless. Some kids spend their entire time in that town popping in and out without anything to fear; some kids had creepypastas written about them, and then porn written about those creepypastas, because if you think life won't carry on per the norm post mortem you have some kind of complex you should really look into diagnosing.

You should probably drive back to that childhood forest at some point. Just to check on it

"This place always makes me dizzy." Scootaloo piped up, looking at the ground to avoid making eye contact with an albino hare.

"Is it Carbon Monoxide season again?" Sweetie Belle asked, instinctively exhaling.

"No, that's not until October. Besides, I always know when it comes around because it gives our school's pink food paste an actual taste." Scootaloo explained, squinting at a shape in the distance and trying to figure out what beast it could be.

"You actually eat that stuff? I just slide it onto Diamond Tiara's plate when she's not looking. I'm pretty sure that overdoes is why her fur changed from white to pink."

"Actually, I tend to feed it to-"

"Will y'all all quiet down for three seconds?" Apple Bloom finally snapped in frustration, hopping on a rock and hollering down at them. "We are trying to find a corspe right now! So we can help our ghost friend!"

"AB, you and I both know Spriggans despise murder. If someone was killed here, we'd know because the body would be dumped into town late at night along with 15 pounds of incriminating evidence." Scootaloo shot back. "We've all seen it happen. Killers who dump bodies here never get away with it, that's why they always grind them up and resell them as food instead."

"Well then, the Spriggans are getting lazy, because SOMEONE DUMPED A BODY HERE!"

"Apple Bloom!" Sweetie quickly leaped onto the rock besides her and covered her mouth. "You know you can't say that! Fae are always listening!"

"What are you kids doing out here?"

The trio immediately turned to the new presence; not a faerie, even a lesser one, but a pony, decked in a white biohazard suit. Their shouting immediately ceased and they became good Samaritans in the blink of an eye, smiling down at him with the faces of kids good-natured enough to have YA novels written about their jubilant adventures..

"We're just looking for our ball." Scootaloo lied without missing a beat.

"You can't be in here. This whole forest is a safety ha-"

"Hey, are y'all those government workers? My sister says y'all are the reason our water supply is so heavily irradiated." Apple Bloom accusingly spat, puffing herself up menacingly.

The suited worker suddenly seemed very nervous. "I don't- How do you kids live here? All the agents we keep sending here are disappearing. I've been sent here to lock down this town from any and all-"

Apple Bloom's eyes lit up suddenly, and the worker's words were immediately tuned out as she leaned into Sweetie Belle's ear. "Sally!" Sweetie Belle stifled a smile, pushing her friends aside and clearing her throat to interrupt.

"You're right! Living here is hell. Now if you'll excuse us, we need to go find our ball. Thank you kindly, stranger!" She quickly tried to sidestep him, only for him to immediately grab her tail in a levitation field.

"I'm sorry miss, but I can't let you go any further. It's a wonder this entire town hasn't already gone extinct living so close to this forest." He jerked his head up at a nonexistent noise, losing his grip for a half second. Sweetie Belle barely made it two inches before being grabbed again, while the worker wrapped a foreleg around the other two complaining crusaders.

"Hey! Let us go!" Scootaloo made to bite at any exposed fur she could, which wasn't much.

"The Equestrian Celestial Government is officially putting the town of Ponyville under quarantine to investigate claims of Fae, Changelings, Dunwichian Horrors, Robots, Humans, Shoggoths, Blanks, Hippies, Lesbians, Mother Horse Ey-"

"If y'all are the Government, where are the rest of y'all?"

"Our superiors decided to stop sending groups to this town so as to minimise casualties."

"Did you know your suit says BO Hazard?" Scootaloo suddenly pointed out.

"It's a typo."

"Fix it then."

"We can't just fix government typos. When Pepsi changed their logo from a 3D circle to a 2D circle there were twenty five pages written scrutinizing the decision. How long do you think it will take us?"

"Y'all aren't very good at keeping secrets, are y'all?"

The worker shrugged his shoulder, pulling the two fillies under his arm with him and stoically, or perhaps sullenly, began marching back through the forest.

---*---

A grey mist had began slowly sinking to the undergrowth as the sun lowered. Trees, shrubs, rocks, and woodland critters blended together into a hazy monotony, making it nearly impossible to tell what was new and what had been seen 20 times before throughout their silent march. Despite starting with a poker walk, the worker's resolve began to fade the darker it became, until finally stopping in a clearing and letting go of his prisoners with a sigh.

"Are one of you casting illusion spells?"

"That's just normal. You forfeit your right to logic as soon as you step foot in here. You're approaching Kitsune territory, by the way." Scootaloo gestured to the faint glow of a golden tail in the distance, vanishing behind a tree as soon as she pointed it out. Their adult escort shook his head, sitting his rump on the dirt.

"Get me out of here."

The three girls turned to each other, shrugging. "Y'all are trusting three kids, but alrighty then. Come on."

The worker scrambled to his feet, giving them a few seconds to trot far enough to keep a safe distance from the jumpy adult.

The girls walked with a purpose, keeping a passive aggressive distance from the worker, frustrating him as his paranoia rose. The trees began thinning out as they confidently maneuvered, occasionally instructing their unwilling partner the specific precautions needed for particular sections, such as staying away from the staircases, eating the golden apples under the gnarled tree before continuing, and taking time to make the bedsheets in Frau Holle's cottage when she so kindly asked them to.

The further they went, the less sure Sweetie Belle became of their plan. Finally, she leaned into her friend's ear and nervously chattered into it.

"We aren't... going to lead him to Sally, are we? She's going to kill him. She hates adults."

"Of course not." Apple Bloom glanced back, making sure a good distance was kept. "But Sally or no Sally, he's still a stranger to these woods. I'm sure we can get rid of him without actually killing him."

They continued their march, minds racing for an easy solution. As they did it became apparent how a single focused thought can distract, and they barely noticed the glowing flames distantly bordering their path, eyes began peering out at them from the undergrowth, and tall shapes began shifting around them.

The sun was just beginning to set over the horizon currently far beyond their sight when one finally crossed in front of them, betraying the silhouette of a tall, antlered deer before hopping out of a bush, revealing a pleasantly green-coated woman with a flower crown a few butterflies perched on. Upon seeing them, her face drooped and she began to sorrowfully approach them.

"Deary, deary." Her voice tinkled like windchimes as she circled around them, showing a few vaguely deerlike features of cloven hooves as she inspected. "You four are lost, aren't you?"

The crusaders instinctively stayed silent, correctly predicting their escort's faith in mysterious forest women as he began talking.

"We are! D-do you know the way out?"

"I do indeed." The lady began circling him in particular, drawing in close and running her tail under his nose. "I'd be happy to lead you out!"

The crusaders began slowly backing up, nodding at each other. She paid them no more notice than the dirt beneath her, going for the easier target.

"If you don't mind me asking, sir, may I have your name?"

"Of... of course. It's... Virolog-"

Scootaloo jumped forward mid-sentence, legs outstretched. Her aim was true, and the lady of the woods collapsed in a blow from the iron horseshoes on her hooves, toppling into the adult and hissing back at them. Apple Bloom ran up to her, shoving her off the worker and hissing right back, drawing a hoof along the dirt. The woman rolled her eyes in response, shifting into a deer and shrieking to the darkness before retreating.

"Come on, we have to get out of he-"

The forest was filled with animal hisses, caws, and calls as a stampede of animals followed after her, seemingly intended to intimidate rather than hurt as the majority avoided them, urged on by the natural influence of the fae in the trees surrounding them. Apple Bloom tried running with them, but quickly became disoriented until she felt fur wrapping around her foreleg, pulling her underneath a fallen log. Sweetie covered her lips, glancing to her before returning her gaze to the spectacle before them as every assortment of predator and prey leaped over the log, disappearing into the woods.

The animals began fanning out, ending with a tiny mongoose scuttling under the log, passing alongside them. Scootaloo stifled a scream at the rodent-like creature brushing against her. Finally, they poked their heads up, looking for the all clear. Yet another peep of a scream sounded next to Apple Bloom, and she whipped around to see a snowy hoof pointing out to the clearing, barely visible in the darkness. The subject was immediately clear- their escort, petrified mid-scream in a coat of marble.

"Um... I guess... We got rid of him?"

"We can't just leave him here." Scootaloo immediately piped up.

"He's pretty much untouchable. Nothing's gonna bother with a cockatriced statue, especially not faries. They get their kicks out of messing with mortals. You can't mess with him now. Most likely, they'll toss him back into town and some doctor will wrangle a weasel to undo the spell. We should really get back to our adventure."

"Apple Bloom, this isn't an adventure. We're just trying to help a friend-"

"Yes!" Scootaloo was cut off. "That's just as important! We need to keep going! We're going to Sally. I have an idea."

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle glanced at each other nervously. "AB, are you sure you're-"

"Leave him here! Nothing's going to hurt him. We both know this town and these woods well enough to know that. Maybe it'll teach the government to stop sending people here. I'm tired of all the messages in our television programs and radio interferences and bad cover ups of obviously paranormal stuff! We're having our own adventure, and we're not having any adults ruining it with seriousness. Come on."

Apple Bloom trotted off, head held high, and her friends could only exchange another glance before following.

---*---

Finally, the trees gave out to rocky clearings and a large ravine running through the ground became obvious. The Crusaders broke into a canter up, skidding to a stop at the lip and peering into the darkness below.

Through a poll of glances, Apple Bloom was voted to speak. "Hiya, Sally! Mind coming out for a minute?"

Her voice echoed back to her, the only response from the bottomless pit before the ground began to rumble. Six grey and grotesque hands flew out, gently picking up the Crusaders in pairs and smoothing out their fur, pulling twigs and dead leaves out of their hair. A bumpy, horrid tongue reached out with a contrasting yellow sunflower in it's grip, carefully tucking it behind Sweetie's ear and smoothing her hair down prettily. Scootaloo began giggling and struggling to speak as she was flipped upside down and lightly tickled on the belly by one of the deformed hands.

"H-h-hi Sally. Good to see you too."

"Girls!" Apple Bloom turned to her friends from her palm perch, trying to stay still as a muddied yellow dress was clumsily pulled over her by yet another of the seemingly endless hands. "That guy was talking about people disappearing, and I remembered! Sally doesn't like adults! You could toss a body down here and nobody with a brain would search down here!"

"Are you saying a kid did this?" Scootaloo pointed out, squirming as a long and sharp pincer rose out from the depths to gently rub dirt off her cheek.

"Of course not. But if you're quiet enough, you could drop a body and scram. Like you said, Fae and Kitsune don't kill, and they certainly wouldn't let anyone get away with killing someone, and we've all seen stories on the news about them dropping corpses on the outskirts of the woods with incriminating evidence. The culprit had to have known he'd get caught if he just sloppily buried it under a tree or something."

"You really shouldn't watch the news. They're always broadcasting fake messages from the government telling us to lie on the lawn and shoot ourselves." Sweetie Belle pointed out as two bony hands lifted her upside down, teasingly squeezing her sides.

"Well yeah, but I've still seen what you mean. I live right outside the forest. The point is, if he just threw it to Sally, nobody's going to check here! It's the perfect place! Have you seen anything, Sally?"

Immediately the Crusaders were placed on the ground, and all of the limbs retreated. The trio patiently waited, sitting down and tidying up the pretty articles they had been given. After a few agonizingly long minutes of silence and a noiseless wood behind them, three tongues unfurled out, hovering above the dirt in front of each of them and inviting them to take hold. With complete faith, they held both of their respective tongues they could hold, and yelped as they were forcefully pulled off the ledge, falling into the darkness below.

---*---

The floor was shifting, moving back and forth, rocking Sweetie softly like a cradle. The softness and tenderness almost made up for the fact that said floor smelled like rotting fish. After a second of debate, Sweetie made the carefully calculated executive decision to remove her muzzle from the floor she was face down on top of. It was a hard vote, but it just seemed like the right choice.

The gamble paid off, and she got off the floor, squinting in the darkness for her friends.

"Scoots? AB? You there?"

"We're here, we're here. I can tell because Scootaloo is laying in top of me. Geddoff!" Several meaty thumps and a yelp came from a couple of feet away, and Sweetie began army crawling towards them. Upon brushing against fur, she quickly grabbed at it and lit her horn to illuminate the darkness.

The room was massive, a cavernous room littered with melted skin and bones surrounded by fleshy walls that rhythmically throbbed in and out around them. Strings of liquid hung from the asymmetrical roof, dripping to puddles below. Everything from electronics to chunks of houses to small pieces of garbage lay randomly scattered around them, bleached and melted.

"Alright, we've all been eaten before, I think this should be obvious." Apple Bloom shook her leg dry.

"I've never been eaten before. What happens to you girls?" Scootaloo asked, perplexed.

"Really? Huh. I guess I had just assumed it was normal. I wonder what other daily experiences we have that aren't actually universal."

"Girls, cut it out." Sweetie jumped on top of a melted wooden crate, turning to look down at them. "Remember, we're looking for a fresh corpse. White and blue, flower mark. Fan out, inspect every body you see."

"That's gonna take hours!" Apple Bloom complained.

"It's nighttime. You've already violated your promise. Might as well make the most of it."

The pegasus and earth pony trotted their seperate ways, grumbling under their breath. The gargantuan heart beat became white noise as they searched, reminding Sweetie of the first knockings from Carousel Boutique. It's an interesting shade of disheartening when the mind of a child is so desensitized to death that their response to it is cold calculation and a simple acceptance, and it's even more interesting when contrasted with the minds of the elderly, especially those who are surrounded by it every day. None of these thoughts passed through the Crusader's minds as they tried to eliminate as many corpses as they could in one glance, sifting through hundreds upon hundreds as minutes ticked away and the air only became stuffier. I'm not even sure why I mentioned it, honestly.

Just as Apple Bloom was beginning to consider lobotomizing her nose with bone fragments to rid herself of the smell, a shout sounded out from the other end of Sally's stomach.

"I think I got it! Smiling daisy mark, white coat, blue hair, adult! Her fur's only missing in a few places! I think we found our ghost!"

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo excitedly traipsed through puddles towards the holler as soon as the first sentence was out. Sure enough, the body was new, with singed fur and lifeless eyes staring beyond them to the void beasts beyond spheres mortal men dreamed of and Derpy saw 24/7. Point being, it was dead.

"Iron Horseshoes?"

"It's got them. Surprise surprise."

"Do y'all think Fae can reach us down here?"

"Do you really want to try?" Sweetie Belle inquired pointedly.

"Alright, fair's fair. Can we get out of the shoggoth the size of a small country now? My fur's starting to bleach from all this acid."

"AB's right." Scootaloo piped up, lifting the body up and taking it's foreleg around her neck. "We found the ghost's corpse. Let's take it to the boutique, and then we can go back home. Can you get us out, Sally?"

The cavern began to shake, and turned to it's side just as Apple Bloom came to a realization.

"Wait, we're done?"

"Well, yeah." Scootaloo struggled to keep hold of the body as they began sliding down the wall towards the ceiling. "We found her. We'll Weekend At Bernie's her back through town and give the spirit the closure it needs to pass on to the afterlife. Then we can go back to living our normal lives. What did you expect?"

"I... Don't know." A large sphincter opened up before them, and they began sliding down a flesh-ringed tube, peristalsis pushing them further. "I just didn't think it would be over so quickly. There's nothing else to do in this town, and I guess I just got so caught up in the excitement of a ghost adventure that I didn't realized it would be so short."

Scootaloo repositioned herself to slide down the tunnel facefirst, grimacing at her friend below as she finally realized what the fuss had been about. "AB, there... there isn't gonna be some cool adventure waiting for us in this town. We're just kids. We're gonna live here for six more years or so, doing the same things, and then we'll go our separate ways and have responsibilities and stuff. Even if we did get to fight some great evil and supernatural beasts and stuff, it would still end and life would carry on as normal."

Apple Bloom sighed, dropping her head. "You're right. I just... we read all these fantasy books in school, an I've been living my whole life wanting something more from life, an feeling like there's something missing, and waiting for that part to begin; like a big adventure where I'd find out I was the chosen one, and my life would be validated, and-"

A loud, disgusting, slobbery belch filled their ears, and they were suddenly flying through darkness. Scootaloo hit the ground hard, vision going fuzzy for a minute before she came to again, still holding the body. Coughing up saliva and corrosive acids, she looked up to see Apple Bloom starfished on the ground, watching the stars. Scootaloo pulled herself up to her, discarding the body to stargaze alongside her, making sure to keep the moon in her peripheral vision.

"I've been getting good grades and being told by adults I'm special my whole life. I'm gonna go to a good college, get a good job- my future's secured, Scootaloo. But I just..."

Scootaloo lent her ear, giving her time to compose her thoughts.

"Is this all there is to life? You go to school for 13 years, get a good job, work it until you retire, spend that time patiently waiting to die?"

"Well, yeah. Of course. It's not gonna get any better than these childhood years, and we're probably gonna spend our adult years wishing we were back here." Scootaloo turned to her friend, tapping her in the shoulder. "But it's not all bad. We're specks of dust, Apple Bloom, we're not gonna be important, ever, no matter how hard we try.

Nothing matters in life except the things that matter to us. We're all gonna die, the world is gonna end, everything we've made is gonna crumble. But if we spend these years making ourselves happy, that's the best we can do, girl. You're gonna find a nice boy or girl, you're gonna pass school with flying colors, and you're gonna get a good job, and that's all important, but feeling good is important too. And didn't we have fun today?"

Apple Bloom smiled, coughing out some more saliva. "Heh, we sure did."

"Then that's what's important. We've got 6 more years of having fun and not caring about anything, and I'll be damned if we're not gonna spend it doing only the things that make us smile like that, and appreciating all of the little, normal things in our lives, because abnormal doesn't exist, and it certainly doesn't exist in childhood, and that's ok. Living a pleasant life with nothing weird in it is ok. Now come on. I think Sweetie's in a tree somewhere. Let's find her and get this corpse we found in a monster stomach back to the ghost haunting your superhero sister's house."

The two of them chuckled, Scootaloo helped her friend off the ground, and they began looking for their regurgitated friend, ignoring the eyes watching them from the woods, ignoring the body's lack of wounds, holes, or any sign of what could've killed it, and ignoring the distant lights from far off turnip fields.

Author's Note:

as always, I really don't know.
I just wrote for a few hours and hit publish. Any sense you took out of this was purely coincidental, and I'll be happy to remove it.

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Casketbase77

Casketbase77 #1 · Mar 10th, 2020 · 1 · ·

I think I caught the word “Pepsi” in there.

I swear to Faust, if this Cronenberg monster of a fic is the eldritch result of the Product Placement Prompt, I’m going full panic mode. Both because I need to actually come up with an analysis for this... thing, and also because fate is cruel: By sheer coincidence, my Snippet for this week also also involves the CMC trekking into the Everfree where they meet a hooded stranger. And suffice to say it’s no where near this level of intriguing.

Also, the only thing I could imagine when Sally made her big entrance was this. Just thought you might be interested in the imagery you invoked for me.

You maniac.

Arkonfleight

Arkonfleight #2 · Mar 10th, 2020 · · ·

I love it. Reminds me of a more nonsensical and comedic Boy's Life.

Separately, i recognise that cover image. Good choice.

Str8aura

Str8aura #3 · Mar 10th, 2020 · · ·

10123642
actually, this fic is the eldritch result of me trying to get you into Spirit Phone, hence the cover art and multiple references.
Then it kind of fell apart.
I'll enjoy waiting for your analysis.

Comment posted by FarmFreshAppleTarts deleted Dec 24th, 2020

Comment posted by Str8aura deleted Jun 5th, 2020

Comment posted by FarmFreshAppleTarts deleted Dec 24th, 2020

Acadians6545

Acadians6545 #7 · Aug 16th, 2020 · 1 · ·

Scootaloo glanced over at the large spider taking up most of the cave's space.

Well now we know where Arragog's kids went when they escaped the forbidden forest.

Mittens of flabbergast

Mittens of flabbergast #8 · Nov 3rd, 2020 · · ·

That was good, weird and funny, I wouldn't mind seeing more cmc adventures like that

Casketbase77

Casketbase77 #9 · Oct 23rd, 2021 · 1 · ·

I swear, this image could be slotted into each paragraph break in this story with unfailing fittingness.

This is one of those writeups that not only defies thematic analysis, it outright mocks any attempt at it. Like the stairways in the tower of London that intentionally lead nowhere to confuse ghosts, this fic has teases of implications and meaning all throughout, despite the opening paragraph’s insistence nothing matters and the closing paragraph channeling Scootaloo’s willful ignorance as its own. Puzzle pieces that deliberately don’t connect are dumped into the reader’s lap with an unspoken challenge to put them together. The unacknowledged lycanthropy that is implied to be inherent in the Apple Sisters is something the reader saves to the mental “this will come into play later” box, but never needs it. The virologist is introduced and painstakingly developed before being unceremoniously jettisoned by the Powers That Be. Even the obvious significance of iron horseshoes is defied when an early line insists they’ll keep the CMC safe, but when they find the corpse they are unsurprised to see she too is wearing them.

There is no audience surrogate in this fic. No character to ask the burning questions that pile up like pyramid bricks as the story progresses The “who” and “what” of the narrative are established well enough, those being the CMC and putting a ghost to rest respectively, but every sentence that furthers the actions is sandwiched by two on either side that very deliberately toy with the reader’s focus like half a dozen laser pointers scattering across the vision cone of an indecisive cat. All details, critical and extraneous, are treated with equal narrative weight. The reader eventually begins doubting themselves and starts to hoard every detail in their memory. The phrases “Carbon Monoxide Season” and “Frau Holle’s Cottage” mean literally nothing, but they feel like they should.

The one constant, the only solid string of islands in the ocean of aphasic details, are repeated reworded insistences that only children are capable of processing all of this and remaining sane. The girls rebuff their older sisters to go on a quest. They pity the virologist who (despite his cowardice) is apparently committed to his doomed fact finding mission, and at the very end, when Apple Bloom has her crisis about growing up, Scootaloo’s sagely advice is “don’t think about it.” Certainly she is able to follow her own advice in the closing lines, perhaps ending with the final lesson that ignorance, in its impermanence, is the only salvation in the world this fic has crafted and Scootaloo is the closest to losing hers. On a meta note, the reader certainly doesn’t have that luxury. They can’t walk away from this fic as easily as the CMC walk away from the Everfree at the end. Like the virologist, they’re immobilized by ambition. Refusing to move until some sort of answer can be found, but there are none. Even this analysis I’ve just written might too be desperate pounding at those aforementioned puzzle pieces that don’t fit together, desperate to wring some sort of picture from the obviously unmatched image overlay.

And what of death? The next step past adulthood, represented by the nameless corpse the CMC are a treasure hunt to find? What of the eldritch monster with the human name whose eternal and unchanging existence trivializes the phases of life that mortal characters go through? My long winded analysis only incorporates the aspects of the fic I myself saw fit to comment on, but it’s really no different than an idiot pulling up a fistfull of sand and declaring it to be the synecdoche of the desert in which the fool is standing. Literally any argument could be made about this fic’s meaning and a dozen or so citations from the text could be invoked to back up that point. The only one who really knows the answer is the author. And he’s not telling.

Casketbase77 persona deactivated. This is Jack speaking directly now.

I had a VISCERALLY negative emotional reaction to reading this fic for the first time. I thought maybe it was because it was late at night in my single’s apartment and that I was a little psychologically compromised having not really spoken to another human being in several days. Just going to my desk job, coming home, talking on message boards, and going to sleep, and repeating the process. But nope. This story still makes my stomach clench with an emotion more nebulous than fear. I pride myself on being a good literary scholar. I can analyze and draw meaning from nearly anything. But this story is one of only three pieces of fiction that I have ever truly felt defeated by (the others being Synecdoche, New York and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang). Strip a scholar of his ability to make sense of the world and what does he have left? A manic essay posted in a corner or a corner of a corner of the internet only to be seen by two, maybe three people at the most. He is left with this.