avidreader07
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10104044
What?
*Looks up Onision, quick glance at results page reveals that what is actually a who*
Okay, so that’s one less bit of confusion, but what’s he got to do with anything?
10104482
A good something, hopefully.
10104169
Ah. Now that I actually read the Wikipedia page, instead of just glancing at the summary on the search page, I do understand. I doubt that you’re going to listen/care, but the grooming was supposed to refer to the tongue-bath only.
10104566 You should probably rename your story appropriately then. ‘Grooming’ has much more sinister connotations nowadays.
Deleted my comments as my main issue with story has been resolved.
10104941
Well, I didn’t expect that, but thanks. After all that, what did you think of the story, itself?
10104976 Foalcon's not my thing, but the original title was particularly too troublesome not to ignore. Sorry.
10104997
Eh, no biggie. Thanks for your honesty, at least. I’d suggest my other stories, but I don’t think they’d be to your liking, either.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-This goes into a lot of worldbuilding about Celestia's ancestry ... and is that really necessary for this story?
-"And let me," A fourth, a little further. "Make you," A fifth, this one right across the cheek. -- incorrect dialog punctuation.
-Interesting to see such a fetishy piece where a participant isn't 100% into the fetish.
-It all goes quite smoothly and is well-paced.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 80/100
Allure: 85/100
Enticement: 85/100
Immersion: 94/100
Prose Quality: 95/100
Total Score: 439/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10249393
First of all, wow. Thanks for the kind words. I’m very surprised to have scored so highly. (14th of all those judged so far! Really?) If this is you being overly critical, I don’t even want to know what that makes me. Paranoid, maybe. If I may, I’d like to address a couple of your points. More to explain than defend.
For this story? Honestly? I doubt it. But for me, personally? After saying that Celestia started talking about her past, it just felt wrong not to elaborate. And then I just kept going until I reached what felt like a natural cut-off point. Maybe it’s because of the stuff I read (Steven King, The Wheel of Time, Estee) but asides, and things like that, are a natural part of my writing. I can’t quite seem to help myself, sometimes.
I may have taken the ‘It doesn’t have to be perfect’ tip in your writing guide to heart, here. Besides, I’ve read a lot of stories where trying something for the first time isn’t automatically the most amazing thing ever. I thought about what it would be like, for someone…not quite? Only barely?…into their double-digits. I wanted to aim for a little more realism…Well, for a given value of realism, at any rate.
ok that took the expected left turn a bit later then I had expected, but who can anticipate these kinds of stories anyway lol
10336958
Judging by your name, you might also enjoy my story, Dining With Friends. Maybe. It’s grown ponies and mostly anthro , but you should still give it a look, if you haven’t already. It does move a little slower than this one, though.
10337054
don't really like anthro
This was suprising. Slice-of-life kind of feel, it seems you were going for this and it evidently succeeded. Well done, not sure how cloppable this is, but certainly fun to read. Immersive and well-written, most of all.
Also re: grooming, snowflakes and their trigger words these days
Nothing but contempt from me there; you did no wrong with the naming originally, it fits the definition exactly and the 'sinister connotations' should be left at the door, along with other meatspace baggage.
For the re-write might I humbly suggest a completely non-sexual version?
Or even non-sexual with vore. It is an all-to-rare thing, especially willing and non-fatal.