avidreader07
Joined 24th Jun, 2018 ·
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avidreader07 · 13k words · 9 26 · 321 views
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What? Two chapters? That's all we get?!
10042001
As it says in the description, this was written for a contest. One with a 10K word maximum. Later on, I may expand this 'verse more. So aside from being too short, what did you think of it?
10042105
It's basically the setting I was trying to write myself, but I wasn't good enough to. I've tried writing my own clopfic, but I gave up half way through the first chapter since it was so awful. By comparison, this is almost perfectly written.
derpicdn.net/img/2018/1/21/1637240/medium.png
10042742
Oh, that's totally the name for the position with Rarity and Sweetie Belle at the end of the second chapter.
No, but thanks for pointing that out. It has been fixed.
Why is this stuff happening? Since when were humans becoming ‘vassals’? Why do all the vassals apparently really enjoy sex with their owners? Wouldn’t at least a few of them have more pride then this? It’s essentially sex slaves. Emphasis on slaves. And how about that ‘futa is anthro’ thing? Will you explain that?
10043992
Porn logic.
In this 'verse, humans randomly appear in Equestria—at age 20, give or take a week. Nopony knows or cares why, because it's been happening for so long that not even Celestia remembers a time when it wasn't. Discord might, but if he does, he's not telling. (Also, the humans were originally envisioned as OC's, but that was against the rules of the contest, so I made them a couple of background EQG characters, whom we never saw pony versions of.)
Porn logic, again.
The humans remember nothing of whatever life they might have had before appearing here, so this is the only culture they know. No one knows if they're real people teleported to Equestria, or if they're copies/clones/whatever of other individuals somewhere else in the multiverse—not even me. And Equestrian culture just accepts it, since the practice is older than Celestia. Not that age automatically makes something right, but it does make it easier to not think about.
TL;DR: Because reasons. And porn logic.
Honestly, it's almost to the level of slavery-in-name-only. A pony is legally required to provide food and board, and cover any other necessities that may arise. Such as medical bills, just for instance. (The idea of obligations of superior to subordinate is ties back into the choice of "vassal" over "slave," even if I only realised that after I wrote the story.) On a related note, in case it wasn't clear in the text, Paisley isn't pregnant, since humans appear in Equestria completely sterile/barren. (There's no in-universe reason for that. I just put that rule in to avoid running afoul of site rules regarding underage characters.) She just artificially induced lactation, because reasons.
*cough* Porn logic. *cough*
Getting back on topic…
Most ponies treat their humans as live-in employees, or at least friendly acquaintances who just so happen to live and work together. A great many ponies even pay their humans wages, in actual currency, for them to spend on their own amusements. Since they're not usually on the clock 24/7. Though it is generally more on the minimum wage end of the scale, admittedly. Rarity, in particular, treats her vassals as just shy of family, and she considers most of the work they do around the boutique—cleaning, sorting supplies, cooking, and the like—as chores more than anything. Just like she'd expect Sweetie Belle to do. If she thought Sweetie Belle could do them properly/safely. The sex is treated no differently, really. In their society, it's considered a perfectly natural thing, that everyone does, and most usually enjoy. And everyone, human, pony, or other, has the right to say no, at any time. They just seldom have the inclination. By that same token, while Sweetie doesn't have to have sex with Rarity's customers, she would usually be perfectly willing to fuck anypony who did ask her, because that's just the kind of world this is.
Of course, that's not to say there aren't some ponies who are dicks to humans, but most of those ponies are dicks in general, who treat anyone they consider beneath themselves the same way. Including other ponies, so they don't really count.
TL;DR: This is an unrealistically light take on slavery. Absurdly so. In fact, it might even qualify as the mythical "benign slavery." And I defy you to tell me, with a straight face, that that's any less realistic than magical, talking, pastel ponies. (And everything else about Equestria.)
That's just the way it is in this 'verse. Anypony can change at will between their normal, quadrupedal pony form—the ones we know from the show—and an anthro one. Your classic anthro, that is—hooves, hands, pony head, fur, and horns/wings as appropriate. It's just a thing ponies can do, here. And in their anthro forms, they're complete futas—tits, dick, balls, and pussy.
Stallions, too—though they still identify as male, and use he/him. (Again, it's just a natural part of being a pony, and has been since the days of cavemen. Caveponies. Whatever. So they don't have any of the baggage we do, in that regard. They decided millenia ago to stick with what their mind says they are, independent of what their body may suggest to us humans in the real world. And that's as deep into gender politics as I want these comments to get.)
TL;DR: Porn logic, once again. Ponies are ordinary ponies, but anthros are all futas.
IN SUMMARY:
Porn logic, mostly.
As I mentioned in the Author's Note, this 'verse was inspired by Your Human and You, by MadMaxtheBlack. It's pretty much a Sex-Questria version of that basic idea—ponies owning humans.
And on a more personal note, I think you're overthinking this a little. Not that I mean that negatively, in any way. God knows I've done the same thing. Hell, I spent over an hour composing this response! Honestly, the fact that I already had most of the answers ready in my head, and spent most of that hour-plus figuring out the best way to word them, and typing them out, and finding the right pages to link to, should prove that I'm subject to thinking too hard about what should just be a lighthearted, pornographic romp.
10044420
Guess it’s just not the story for me then. I can’t see it in a lighthearted way. Kept seeing hidden tragedy in the distant past
10045584
Sorry to see you go, but glad that you at least took the time to comment. I've had stories I just couldn't get into/approve of, too.
10046224
Thank you
10046224
I would love to see more in this world you've got.
10110588
10042001
Ask, and ye shall RECEIVE!!*
*If I feel like it.
And I can think if any decent ideas.
And work up the initiative to write them down.
Basically, you got lucky. Don’t hold your breath for any more.
IMPORTANT: Make sure you read the tags and the spoilered text for content/fetish warnings, since it focuses on a largely different set of fetishes.
So far, only the first chapter has been published, and it’s pretty much all setup. The second chapter, which has the good stuff, will go up on the 29th, and a bonus chapter with more naughty fun will be published in the first day or two of June. Or maybe the third, in case of minor emergencies, but no later than that.
Unless of course a meteor lands on my head, or something like that.
10042140
If you have any particular scenes in mind you’d like to see, feel free to PM me, and I’ll try to find the gumption to write them. Honestly, I don’t really have any concrete ideas for this ‘verse, beyond the background, and vague ideas of interspecies, gay/les/futa sex.
Again, as mentioned above, don’t expect too much. I have problems with self-motivation and procrastination.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Nice to see how casual everything is in the beginning, and it's a fun, interesting setting.
-
Sandlewood-- Sandalwood.-
"Thank you for dinner, Ms. Rarity." Diamond Tiara said-- incorrect dialog grammar.-
seeing the cute moue--typo.Actually not a typo. I was dumb this time.-
Shattered by the feel of Rarity's hand impacting her flank hard enough to sting, and the fragments washed away by the warm wetness that engulfed her little horn.-- should not have a comma. Also not a complete sentence.-Things get a little slow after Vinyl and Octavia leave.
-Is Paisley naked or wearing clothes? It's really not clear until well into the scene.
-
All of that had already pushed Sweetie Belle over the edge three or four times. But despite that, the filly was still very aroused, however.-- detached tone makes this very unsexy.-Some jarring changes in POV, especially the "or a simple trick" line.
-Maybe too many fetishes in one fic, which might be part of the reason for the poor public reception. Well, that and the cover image.
-An underrated clopfic that's a crazy romp.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 93/100
Allure: 80/100
Enticement: 92/100
Immersion: 85/100
Prose Quality: 80/100
Total Score: 430/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10254431
I typed that, like, 90% of the time. I fixed most of them, though.
Where? If it’s moue, that’s another word for pout or grimace.
It seemed natural to slow down there. The natural low after a high. Or do you mean it slowed down too much?
I haven’t thought about the reception too much. What little I have, I mostly chalked it up to the human tag and the foalcon aspect, both of which can be controversial, and subject to preemptive downvoting. Clop in general, too, can sometimes draw haters. Add in me being an unknown author, and that’s going to hurt it, too. Not sure what’s wrong with the cover image, though.
I suspect the ‘falcon’ typo in the description (stupid autocorrect) didn’t do me any favors, especially considering my only other clopfic at the time of posting.
I don’t care too much, though. I wrote what I like. If anyone else likes it, then great. If not, then whatever.
Thanks for the compliments, though I’m a little surprised the enticement score was lower than its sequel. Maybe that’s related to the doing too much at once thing you mentioned.
10254601
Huh... I should have looked that up first. It’s not often I learn a new word!
10254632
Like they say, you learn something new every day.
But I do understand not looking up every perceived typo. I’d never encountered the word until I started reading pony, either. I’ve seen it in a few fics, and looked it up the first time. It definitely seems like the kind of fancy word used by/for Rarity, though.
Congratulations on winning Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
For the full results, check the Dirty Little Award Show.
This story won:
i.imgur.com/1owIV5b.png
Fetish Fuel: Interspecies
The heart wants what it wants ... even if what it wants isn’t quite the same species. Your clopfic had the best scene involving a human/anthro with a horse/pony. Human male on pony mare does not count -- be more creative than that.